Chapter 24

Elizabeth was looking confused but at least, Nathan thought, she didn't appear to be upset by what he had already said. Maybe that would come later when all the facts sank in.

"So what you're tell me is that Jack and I may never have met if he hadn't gotten on the wrong side of Andrew Hargreaves? That we would never have married. There would be no Little Jack?" She was trying to sort it all out in her head, determined this time not to let her emotions run roughshod over the facts.

"Putting it plainly, yes. That may not have happened." Nathan answered, keeping his voice calm as he prepared to tell her the rest. "Jack wasn't the first Mountie he did that to, changing their orders or posting when he had a grudge against them. The man can be very vindictive when he feels disrespected." Almost as an afterthought he added, "I know for a fact that Jack was not the last."

Elizabeth closed her eyes, taking deep breathes to calm the sudden racing of her heart. "What did he do that was so bad Hargreaves punished him in that way?"

"My understanding is that he refused to let a suspect go with just a warning. The man was the son of some local businessman whom Hargreaves liked to be feted by but Jack said it made no difference and that he should be charged the same as anyone else if he broke the law. He was ordered to drop it but he wrote up the arrest warrant instead."

Elizabeth gave a half smile. "I told you Jack was stubborn, that's where his son gets it from! If Hargreaves is the kind of man you say he is then I am proud of Jack for standing up to him. It takes courage and conviction to do what you know is right even if it means going against orders."

Nathan inhaled slowly, wishing he had more time before he had to tell her the rest. "Lisbeth, there is more. This part is the hardest for me to have to recount".

The expression on her face didn't change and Nathan took courage from how calmly she had reacted up to now. "When I said before that Jack's and my paths had crossed,it wasn't just that one incident. I was stationed at Fort Clay under Hargreaves, doing training of cadets." She let out a small gasp but he tried to block that from his ears as he continued. "Then an order came from headquarters that we were to look into a spate of cattle rustling along the border with the USA and so he took me off training duties and sent me out to track them."

He could feel Elizabeth tense up beside him and knew that she was beginning to guess where this story was going. "I'm good at tracking, one of the best I'm told, and so it didn't take me long to find them. But they were about to cross the border and I had to make the decision to go back and report it, which would have meant them escaping, or I could arrest them."

Elizabeth had her head down, hands firmly clasped in her lap as she struggled to listen to his words. "I'm guessing you and Jack were alike in that respect."

Nathan didn't respond to that, just kept on with the story he was endeavouring to get through telling. "Hargreaves was furious. He had wanted the glory for himself and so pretended that I went against orders when I brought them in. I was shipped off to Fort Simpson immediately, given barely enough time for Allie and I to pack up our belongings. When I heard about the landslide happening there a few months later I had no idea who was involved until a couple of the men I was working alongside started talking about jack. They had been in the Northern Territories with him so recognised his name when the details came through. I felt guilty even though my immediate superiors at Mountie Headquarters had already cleared me of any wrongdoing and more or less admitted that they knew what Hargreaves was like. But no-one did anything about him because he had contacts high up in the force."

He had kept his voice steady, determined to keep his own feelings out of what he was saying. This wasn't about him right now but how he could stop this news from upsetting Elizabeth more than was necessary.

"So it was Hargreaves who requested Jack for the training? To replace you."

"Yes", he replied. There was nothing more to say in answer to her question so he waited, letting her absorb that information and sort out her feelings.

"Have you carried guilt with you all this time Nathan? Thinking that somehow you were to blame for Jack's death."

He could feel the intensity of her eyes on him yet he couldn't look at her. If he saw even the slightest hint of contempt or pain there then he knew it would break him, far more than any physical injury ever could. To be the object of her scorn would be more than he could handle.

When her hand slid into his he didn't know how to react, unsure if this was simply pity she was feeling for him. "Nathan you had nothing to do with Jack dying. Perhaps it was fate, perhaps Andrew Hargreaves should carry the guilt, or maybe it was just something that happened. But it certainly wasn't because of you."

In that moment the band that had been circling his chest, tightening slowly with every word he had spoken, sprang loose and he grasped her hand tighter in his, finally turning his face towards hers. All he could see was love radiating from her as she spoke from her heart. "Jack knew what he was doing. Maybe he chose to go to Fort Clay because he saw it as an opportunity to get back at Hargreaves in some way. I don't know. But whatever the reason he made his choice, Nathan, no-one forced him to go."

She stood up then, her hand brushing her skirt to one side as she grasped hold of the chair and turned it around before sitting back down again. She was still to his side but facing him now, seeing the relief on his face at her words. Once more she slipped her hand into his. "But I want to know how you came to be posted to Hope Valley. Did you ask for it because of Jack? Did you think you needed to look after us for him?"

He smiled, almost apologetically, at her assumption. "I wish it was something as noble as that. It was Hargreaves again. He was transferred to Fort Simpson just over a year after Jack's death and so became my commanding officer once more. I requested a transfer almost immediately, was even willing to go back to Fort Clay to carry on the work that I had been taken away from. But he had other ideas. I don't know whether it was deliberate but when my orders came through they were for Hope Valley. It was only when one of the other Mounties told me that was where Jack Thornton's widow and son lived that I realised he must have gone there instead of me all those years earlier. It was strange to hear that and suddenly I felt as though this story was coming full circle".

His eyes locked on hers and she found herself unable to pull away, feeling as though she was going to drown in their cerulean blue depth when he added, "then I met you and it was burst wide open again."

Elizabeth remained silent for a moment, trying to find the words to express what she was feeling. This man may not think he was noble but to her he was more than that. He was the epitome of honour and selflessness, evident in what carrying this guilt had done to him for so long and why he couldn't go forward to a future with her without unburdening his past. Even if it meant losing her again.

Finally she realised that maybe words were not enough. Lifting her hand up to his cheek she ran her fingers gently down it until she stopped at the side his mouth, her eyes following in the same direction. She brushed her thumb against the stubble that had grown there in the past few days, thinking that the ruggedness of it made him look even more handsome to her. It was there because he had been doing the very thing that was central to who he was. A protector. A deep and caring man who would lay his life on the line to save others. She knew now that she wouldn't have him any other way.

She said nothing for a moment and Nathan watched, not sure where this was going but unwilling to break the spell that seemed to have been cast between them. When her eyes lifted back up to his he could see peace in them, the serenity that comes with knowing that you are where you should be. The belief that everything is going to be okay.

"Jack came into my life for a reason. Possibly two. He helped me grow away from the life I led in Hamilton, to become the woman I needed to be. And more importantly he gave me my son. I will carry him in my heart for that alone."

She noticed how Nathan didn't flinch at the mention of Jack's name nor her assertion that she would always feel love for him. That was the beauty of this man. He had no ego, no desire to be centre stage. He just wanted to love and care for the people who mattered to him.

"Lucas was a season in my life, possibly a necessary one for me to experience in order to find my way back onto the right path. My heart needed time to mend and what better way to do that than with the attentions of a facile charmer. There is no need for deep thinking with someone like Lucas. He lives for the moment and when any clouds come overhead he runs away."

Now she leant closer to him, never taking her eyes from his. "But you, Nathan Grant, you are my lifetime. Your heart beats in rhythm with mine as though they were part of the same. Without you I am starved of oxygen, like a fish out of water who is left floundering on the river bank. I need you in order to live. You have my whole heart."

Before he could reply she moved her face so that her lips brushed his. ~The feeling was soft and sweet and he thought his heart would burst as so many emotions rushed through him. She tasted of everything he had dreamed of and more. His arms went out to draw her closer, feeling her heart beating as strongly as his own. They deepened the kiss but still with a gentleness that said this is only the beginning. There is more to come.

Finally Nathan pulled back from her, his breath coming in short bursts and his voice raspy. "Lisbeth" was all he said as his eyes searched hers for a sign that she felt the same. He saw a new sparkle in them, a fire that seemed to have suddenly burst to life, and he had his answer.

"Was that alright Nathan?" she asked hesitantly, knowing that it was perhaps slightly brazen of her to have taken the initiative but unable to stop herself. This man was her future and she didn't think she could wait very much longer to have all of him.

"Alright?", he answered, struggling to take back control of his voice. "That was more than alright, Lisbeth. It was everything I have dreamed of and more."

Resting their foreheads together they stayed like that in a harmonious silence for a while, each drinking in the moment, relishing the nearness to each other. This is what I have been waiting for, Nathan thought, feeling this wholeness with another being. There had never been anyone else for him but Elizabeth, never would be. It was as though his life up to this point had simply been part of the journey he needed to make to get to where he was right now. Everything else that mattered he had brought with him and would always be part of the future he and Elizabeth would have together.

"Are you okay?" he finally asked, hoping that she was feeling the same as him.

Elizabeth nodded, not sure that she could find words to fully express her emotions. She too had travelled a long road to get here, some of it beautiful, other parts dark and difficult. But once the clouds had lifted she knew he was her home. A small giggle escaped her before she reached up once more, her mouth seeking his again. This time she ran her tongue along his upper lip in a teasing way that sent shivers up and down his spine.

He let out a sigh, wanting so much to draw her in closer, clasp his fingers in her hair and explore the beauty of what he knew lay ahead. If there was a heaven then surely this was it, he thought. But instead he pulled back, his pupils large in his eyes, his face showing the battle that was raging inside him. He let her go and ran his hand through his hair, his breathing heavy as he tried to slowly bring it back to normal.

"Nathan?" There was a sudden panic in Elizabeth's eyes until she saw the lopsided grin that was forming in the place that her lips had just vacated. "What is happening?"

He gave a half choking laugh before lifting her hand to his lips to keep the connection with her for just a little longer. "What is happening Lisbeth is that when Maggie comes to do my therapy in the morning I will be able to tell her that she need no longer question whether I will make a full recovery. It seems that the important parts of my body below my waistline are working perfectly well."