Jennie

#35. Find out what I'm really made of.

The table fell silent, eyes darting from the senator to Lisa. The resemblance was striking. Lisa's thigh was tense under my hand. This was the man she'd emancipated herself from? The one who'd left her to fend for herself after her mother's death? Pieces snapped together in my head, aligning themselves like well-stacked books. Her father had worked away from them. He'd visited when it suited or when he needed them to "show their faces." Lisa's need to prove herself, to achieve her goals without her dad's help—it all made perfect sense.

I only knew two things about the man in front of me—that he'd gone to extraordinary lengths to ambush Lisa, and that he'd done something to make the person I loved hide herself.

Every muscle in Lisa's body locked except for her jaw, which ticked with her accelerated breathing. I needed to get her out of here. "I'm not feeling well, Lisa. Would you mind taking me home?"

Her gaze snapped from her father's to mine, wild but concerned. "Jennie?"

"Ah, that's right. You go by Lisa now," her father said as if he'd forgotten.

"Take me home," I said softly. My heartbeat quickened, my light-headedness returning with such force that I wasn't lying. I didn't feel well. I'd stupidly done too much today.

She nodded once and stood, helping me with my chair. "General and Mrs. Kim, Carter." She turned to her father. "Senator. I'm afraid you'll have to excuse us."

"Well, that's a pity, since I came all this way to surprise you." His smile didn't fool me.

Lisa's hand tightened on mine, but I forced a smile at her father. "I'm terribly sorry, Senator, but something at the table just hasn't agreed with me, and Lisa is the kind of person who takes care of me when I'm not feeling well. Her mama sure raised her right."

We left the senator with his mouth agape and walked from the dining room, those at the table speechless behind us. "I know you have questions," Lisa said quietly. "Just let me explain."

I stopped her in the empty foyer, just under the chandelier. "Default trust, remember? You had your reasons for not telling me."

She rested her forehead on mine, her shoulders sagging. "I don't deserve you," she whispered, the words coming out strangled.

I squeezed her hands in mine. "It doesn't matter to me how you grew up. I love you, Lisa Manoban."

"There's more that you don't know."

I glanced behind her to make sure we were alone. "Would you rather do this in the car?"

"Now. I'm not putting this off anymore. He's only here because there's an election soon, and I'm his biggest liability. I…I blackmailed him for my freedom. The only reason he didn't fight the emancipation was because I signed an agreement that I'd never go public with what really happened." she paused for three heartbeats. "My mom didn't just fall off her balcony. She jumped."

I gasped. "Oh, Lisa—"

She shook her head but didn't pause. "It was accidental, that wasn't a lie, but she went over that railing by choice." She looked toward the chandelier and took a deep breath. "I can't believe I'm about to tell you this in a country club with both of our parents in the next room."

"We're good at awkward timing." I took her face between my hands, bringing her eyes to mine. "I'm here. No matter what." My heart wouldn't calm, and I struggled to keep my breathing steady and my voice even.

"She was high, but there wasn't an autopsy done. Mom was into just about anything she could get her hands on. My father couldn't have that getting out, so he took care of it like he did everything else, and we buried the truth with her body. His greatest liability became his springboard, and he rode the grief boost all the way through the next election."

"Was there a witness?"

"Yes." I waited. "Me. I was there. I couldn't reach her in time."

"Lisa." I whispered her name as a tear slipped down my face for what she'd been through. What I was going to put her through. "I need to tell you—"

"Let me just get this out, and then I'm all ears, Little Bird. I didn't leave him over Mom or his abandonment. Hell, I'd been taking care of things for years while Mom spiraled. I left him because of what he did to Rosé."

"You can't seriously walk away from me," her dad called, striding into the foyer.

Lisa's head snapped up and out of my hands. "I can, and I will." She turned to face him. "Did you miss that memo when I left? You're not welcome in my life."

"Lisa, let's go," I whispered. Who was Rosé? What did she mean to her? My head spun so fast that I felt dizzy.

The senator smiled like Lisa had said she'd love to join him for dinner. "Why on earth are you still going by Lisa? I thought that phase would wear out. I never should have given in to her on that, but she was determined for your middle name, and I loved her."

Lisa tensed. "You loved her money. I won't buy your front-page bullshit."

"I loved your mother, but she had an addiction. That wasn't her fault."

"Yeah, and who gave her the first hit? That's on you."

All trace of amusement fell from the senator's face. "Six years, and this is what you want to bring up?"

"Seven next month, and I don't want to bring up anything. I want you to leave me alone."

"Stop acting like a child."

Lisa laughed, the sound empty. "Like I was ever a child."

The muscle in the senator's jaw ticked, just like Lisa's. They looked so alike—the same hair, glowing skin, strong jawlines. Except the senator's eyes were blue.

"What the hell do you want from me?" Lisa asked.

"Do I need a reason to see you? At least appreciate the lengths I went to for this to happen. Not that you were that hard to track down."

"I've been careful."

Her dad laughed. "Daughter, you changed your last name to your mother's maiden name and didn't bother with your Social Security number. How careful could you really be? You graduated in May, took a pit stop in Florida, and reported to Fort Rucker after buying a house in Enterprise. Did I miss anything?"

"Why are you here?" she asked again.

"Come on, Priya. You can't be that surprised. I raised you smarter than that. How could you possibly think I wouldn't keep track of you? I knew when you got into CU, when you applied for flight school…" He grinned, and my stomach turned over, nausea flooding my mouth with saliva.

"You had nothing to do with that!" Lisa shouted. "I got here on my own."

"Are you so sure about that? What are the odds of two lieutenants getting chosen for aviation from the same ROTC class and going to flight school at the exact same time? I'll tell you what they are—about as common as a senator placing a phone call."

"No," Lisa said, her certainty slipping. My heart hammered in my ears, but I ignored it, tightening my grip on her hand.

"This is where you say, 'thank you, Dad.'" The senator adjusted his pocket square.

"Get the fuck out of my life," Lisa growled.

Her father tsked. "In public? Priya, we raised you better than that."

"You didn't raise me. Mom did, or tried to when she wasn't wasted or zoned out on her medication."

Her father's eyes hardened. "Looks like you're doing well enough, though. Latching on to a general's daughter was a good move for your career, but gutsy to split your focus while you're in flight school, don't you think?"

I sucked in my breath, and Lisa stepped to the right, blocking me. "We're done here."

My head started buzzing like I'd had too much to drink, and my watch blinked. I turned off the alarm and leaned into Lisa, trying to calm my heart. I needed to lie down.

"We are not done!" her father hissed. "I left you alone for nearly seven years after you dropped that ridiculous letter on me about how wretched I was. I gave you time to get over your tantrum, to be out of the public eye. I let you use your ridiculous new name."

"Let?" Lisa's voice rose, and my eyes flickered to the doors, wondering how much longer we could make it without causing a scene. "You don't let me do anything. I control my name, my trust fund, and my future. Remember? You are nothing to me but a biological contribution."

I concentrated on my breaths, trying to slow them down, but the buzzing only got worse.

"Of course I remember. I signed the damn papers, didn't I? I let you leave your preparatory school, turn down your appointment to West Point, and attend some middle-of-nowhere third-tier school all in the name of tracking her down. Was it worth it?"

Her? I looked at Lisa, who was quickly blurring in my vision. Rosé.

"Yes," she seethed. "She has always been worth it, you bastard. She is beautiful and smart, and deserves far more than the shit you threw at her!"

I wavered on my feet and grabbed ahold of the large table we stood next to for balance. A feeling of unease settled into my heart. She'd told me she'd never been in a functional relationship before. Was Rosé the dysfunctional?

"She's a washed-up drug addict who did nothing but pull you under, drowning you. I did what I had to in order to save you."

"Save me?" Lisa shouted, her voice booming across the foyer. "Losing her destroyed me! First Mom died, and then you ran Rosé off. She was all that was holding me together!"

"She was ripping you apart! She still is!" Her father took a deep breath and smoothed the lines of his lapel. "I thought I could trust you to make better decisions, Priya, but when I learned that you raced off to be with her last month…"

I tensed. She'd been with her last month? My hand slipped from her, and I turned toward the table, using both hands to hold my weight. It was getting more and more difficult to stand, my head clouding. She spent that week with another girl, and it hurt my heart physically.

"Is that why you're really here? Because Rosé wouldn't sign your nondisclosure? Do you want to know where I found her? On a dirty mattress in a roach-infested house where she'd prostituted herself to get by. Is that what you wanted for her? Were your expectations of me really worth what you did to her?"

I'd gotten to the point where I couldn't look at the two of them arguing, and the flowers on the table had gone out of focus, multiplying in my vision. My breaths came in tiny gasps.

"I did nothing to her! She is exactly what she chose to be, and I'll be damned if she drags you under with her again. I don't care that you still love her!"

Love her? I leaned heavily on my arms and looked at Lisa's back. The pain was crushing my chest.

"Still love her? Fuck you, Dad. I never stopped. I'm not like you. Rosé is the other half of me, and if you couldn't love her for who she was, then you should have loved her because I did, I do! Mom loved her, too."

"Well, there's a judge of character for you," he quipped.

The other half of me. No. No. No. She loved someone else. She'd lied. She'd told me I was the first girl she'd loved. God, how many other girls had she said that to? Was that how she got me? Another notch on her bedpost? Another conquest? I wasn't anything to her, not when the other half of her was another girl. She loved her like I loved her. Everything spun in my vision, and my arms ached from holding my weight. I slipped, knocking the vase of flowers to the ground. The sound of shattering glass halted their fight.

"Jennie?" Lisa asked, turning around.

I stumbled away drunkenly, my feet somehow finding their way to the door. I pushed open the bar and fell into the evening air. I tripped on the cobblestones but caught myself on one of the pillars. She loved someone else.

My Lisa, but her Pranpriya.

"Jennie!" She shouted, running to me.

"No!" I screamed, throwing my arm out in front of me to keep her away. "Get away!" I pulled the arm back to clutch my chest. Why was the physical pain from a broken heart so bad?

"Stop and let me explain!" She blurred in my vision, but I thought she looked stricken, scared. Pain radiated from my chest, through my shoulders, and into my arms. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think, let alone focus on her face.

"We're not going to do this, remember? No misunderstandings!" She reached for me, and I fell into her, not for want but weakness.

"You love someone else. That's not a misunderstanding," I whispered. I couldn't catch a breath. Why was it so hard?

"Yes, Little Bird, but I love you more. Stop crying, please, and listen." She wiped away tears I hadn't realized had fallen. "Rosé is my sister. My twin sister. But she's an addict like my mom, and I didn't want to expose you to that. I didn't want you to see that I'd done almost every drug she had, just never gotten addicted. I was lucky, and she wasn't."

"Your sister?" I whispered, my knees giving out.

She held me up, cradling me gently. "Yes. You're the only woman I love, Jennie, I swear it. You're my fucking everything."

Relief, sweet and pure, sang through me, but the pain was still there, crushing my ribs, moving into my jaw. Shouldn't it feel better? Shouldn't—

Oh, God. Not now. I'm supposed to have fifty more days! "Lisa, I have to tell you," I whispered, my weight completely collapsing against her.

"Jennie?" she wavered out of my vision. "What's wrong?"

"My heart. I should. Have told. You." I forced out every word, but then pain wracked me again, and I wasn't sure I was going to survive it.

"What? Jennie…no, what do I do?" Her words came through jumbled, and I wanted to concentrate on her, but I couldn't think of anything but the pressure pulverizing my chest.

"My heart," I managed to whisper, fading. This was it. I had been right—I was never going to be older than Irene.

"What?" she looked all around and started screaming in a voice I barely recognized. "Someone call 911! Help us!" Her hand left my face, fumbling for something. "I need help! We're at the Enterprise country club, and I think my girlfriend is having a heart attack."

"I love. You. Lisa. More than I ever—"

Another surge of pain pressed through my chest, crushing me like a vise. There was no air, no beat, no thought but pain.

Then I felt nothing.