5. MEET THE FAMILY
.
"I thought this winter would never be over, and suddenly spring is almost here," said Janet removing her muddy boots. "Not a minute too soon for my liking."
"Nor mine, baby. You do know what this means, don't you?"
"Being able to wear clean shoes again?"
"That, too. But it also means Easter. And Easter means Easter week."
"Easter? Never knew you to be religious, Bri. I am not."
"Me neither. But this means my dad's gonna shut down the factory for the whole week. We've all been working like dogs to meet the deadline on that huge order, so he figures we've earned us a break."
"I couldn't agree more. You've basically been working around the clock these past few weeks. I've barely seen you in all this time, day or night."
"Exactly. We have this cottage up in the mountains, in Orange County, and Dad wants us all to go up there for a nice family vacation."
"Oh. Oh, I see. Okay then. I'll see you when you get back."
"That's not where I was going with it."
"Where were you going with it, Bri?"
She looked up at Brian, who seemed to have a problem coming to the point.
"What is it? Come on, spit it out."
"Okay, here it is... You are... kind of..."
"What's going on? I am kind of what?"
"Invited."
"Oh." Her face looked like a door slammed shut.
"See, this is why I was afraid to tell you. I knew you'd take it like this."
"How else could I take it, Bri? Don't you understand how much pressure this puts on me? Meeting the family, no less!"
"It's nothing like that. They want to spend time with me. I want to spend time with you. This way, everybody wins."
"Let me try to make sense of it. You and your father and brother all work together. You also want to spend your vacation together that badly? Don't you need a break from one another?"
"Okay, baby. Full disclosure. They are all dying to meet you. They've been bugging me something fierce. And why on earth not? We've been dating long enough, we are exclusive, and we've talked marriage. Don't you think it's time? And what do you have to be nervous about? They are going to adore you! If anything, they might think I am not good enough for you. And incidentally, aren't you curious about what they are like?"
"Okay, okay, Bri, you've sold me on it! And yes, I have been curious about your family for quite a while. So, tell me. Who will I be meeting up there?"
"Why, of course, Mr. and Mrs. Connelly, Liam and Colleen. Then there's Neil, age nineteen. And last but not least, Princess Erin, fourteen years of age, our pride and joy and the apple of everyone's eye. Trust me, you'll get along with everybody just fine and have lots of fun."
"I'll be looking forward to it. But my shop doesn't close for Easter week."
"Surely you could take the week off? When was the last time you had a vacation?"
"I'll try to swing it. Now, how do we get up there?"
"My parents and Neil and Erin will drive ahead and meet us there. And it will take you and me about one hour on the Harley."
"The Harley? What about the luggage?"
"What do you need luggage for? It's just a week in the country."
"Only a man could ask that."
"Okay, it has saddle bags and stuff. Just try to pack light. Wow, am I excited! Can't wait!"
...
"You see now why it's absolutely imperative that you marry my brother? This way, both our problems will be solved."
Brian's sister Erin had hijacked Janet as soon as she and Brian arrived. When Mrs. Connelly said she was a bit under the weather and the younger generation could take care of dinner for a change, Erin, who clearly knew her way around a stove, immediately recruited Janet as sous-chef, and the two barricaded themselves in the kitchen.
"I wasn't aware we both had problems."
"Oh, we do so have problems. Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
"One sister I haven't seen in years."
"Still, you had a sister growing up. Which one of you is the elder? Is she nice? Did you guys get along?"
"She's five years younger, she's the best in the whole world, and we were very close." Janet winced, as if in pain. "And I miss her so badly it hurts."
"That must suck." Erin looked sad for a moment but then her round young face went back to her usual expression of exuberant joy. "See what I mean? At least you have a sister. I would kill for one, and all I have is these two big donkeys." She gestured towards the window, outside which Brian and Neil were hanging out. "But if you marry Brian, then you kind of get the kid sister you miss, and I get the big sister I've always wanted."
"You know, Erin, you do have a point."
"And Mom and Dad get the daughter they never had."
"How do you mean? What are you, chopped liver?"
"I've always had a feeling they would prefer a daughter who would be more like you."
"What a strange idea. In what way?"
"Well, you know... you are all feminine and ladylike and classy. And so delicate and ex- exc- excavate... no, that can't be right. What's the word I am looking for? I can't remember it."
"If it's "exquisite", then you can forget it again."
"Right, that's the one!"
"Erin, stop it! You are way off! And anyway, what do you think is so terribly wrong with you that your own parents would like you to be different?"
"Lots of things. I am too big, too loud, too forward – "
"Where did you get such foolish ideas? There's absolutely nothing wrong with you that I can see. And your parents love you just the way you are and wouldn't have it any other way."
"Yeah, I know." Erin looked sullen for a second. "It's just that Mom's always saying I'll never get married if I stay this way. She says guys prefer girls who are quiet and modest. Kind of like you."
"Hang on just a second! Is that what you think of me?" Janet burst out laughing so hard she had to steady herself on the kitchen counter. "Some sister you are! Shows how much you know!"
The younger girl stared at Janet, taking in her impish grin and eyes blazing with mischief. "Well, whaddya know! Looks like I got you all wrong."
"Sure looks that way."
"You are a crafty one all right. One moment you are this perfect Miss Goody-Goody-Two-Shoes, and the next, you have more naughtiness in you than ten boys!" Erin joined in the laughter.
"Now you are catching on! Still want me for a big sister?"
"Now more than ever!"
"Hey, what's with all the hollering?" Brian stuck his head in the kitchen door. "Look, I'm happy you guys are having fun but are we planning to have dinner any time soon?"
The girls exchanged indignant looks.
"How about that, huh? His Lordship expects to be waited on hand and foot!"
"You want dinner, Bri, you get in here, grab a knife and get chopping!"
In a matter of seconds, Brian was wrapped in an apron and handed a bowl of vegetables and a chopping knife.
"The good news," he said with a happily bewildered grin, "is that you guys seem to be getting along just fine. The not-so-good news, that you gang up on me."
"Well, what did you expect?"
"Hey, big bro, haven't you heard the latest? We are gonna be sisters! Don't you dare not marry her!"
"You are yelling at the wrong person, Erin," said Brian quietly.
...
The dinner was a big success. Mrs. Connelly, miraculously cured of her indisposition, couldn't stop praising the young people's culinary prowess.
"You aced the test," whispered Brian to Janet when he had a chance.
"One down. How many more to go?"
"I am kidding, baby. There are no tests. Just relax. Everybody loves you."
"That's very opportune. Because I love everybody."
Both Mr. and Mrs. Connelly couldn't help smiling whenever they looked at her, and Neil, a younger, shorter and stockier version of Brian, seemed to have an endless number of reasons to mosey as close to her as possible. As for Erin, she acted as if Janet was her own personal find she wasn't too eager to share with anybody, not even Brian.
...
"Good night, Mr. Connelly," said Janet from the doorway of Brian's bedroom.
Brian was just about to follow her into the room. "Good night, Dad."
"Son?" called Mr. Connelly. "Come here. That's your bed, right over there." He beckoned to his son to come up to the top of the stairs overlooking the living-room and pointed down to the couch. "You are sleeping down there tonight."
"But Dad! What on earth! We are adults!"
"That's exactly why."
"Look, Dad, this is so dumb – "
"What did you just say to me?"
"Sorry, I didn't mean that."
"You better not. What did you mean?"
"I meant, what do you think we do in town? We are practically living together!"
"In town, do whatever you like. But not under my roof, you don't. You better hope your mother doesn't hear a word of this."
"This makes no sense," muttered Brian under his breath.
"What's that? Speak up!"
"Sorry, Dad, nothing. I'll just go in for a minute and tell her."
"Go ahead, son, wish your girl a good night. Meanwhile, I'll be hanging around out here. Then get the sheets and blankets from the linen closet and have yourself a good night, too."
Brian shrugged with a resigned air and headed for the bedroom door.
"And son?" called Mr. Connelly after him. "You do know what a light sleeper I am, don't you? The slightest sound wakes me up. And you know how these old floors get. Don't let me hear any floorboards creaking in the middle of the night."
...
After watching Brian settle in for the night on the couch, Mr. Connelly trudged to the master bedroom. His wife was already in bed.
"Did you get our boy squared away, Daddy?" she asked.
"Did I ever," chuckled Mr. Connelly. "Took some doing, too."
"As long as he gets the message. So, what do you think?"
"You really wanna know what I think? I think this one's a keeper. What do you think, Mother?"
"I think once in a while even you manage to get it right."
"High praise coming from you," grumbled her husband and kissed her on the temple. "Good night, Mother."
"Have a good night's sleep, Daddy. Something tells me we are gonna have plenty of excitement here before long. Gotta have the energy for that."
...
After the sumptuous family breakfast, it didn't take the young couple long to find a secluded meadow and make up for time lost.
"It didn't make any sense to me at first what Dad was doing," said Brian as they lay in each other's arms on a bed of warm dry straw. "When I brought those other girls up here – "
"I beg your pardon? Those other girls?"
"Oh for goodness' sake," groaned Brian. "I seem to be getting in trouble with somebody every time I open my mouth. Yes, a couple of other girls! You did know I had had girlfriends before you?"
"I had a vague idea. I just don't love being reminded of it, especially at a moment like this."
"Baby, will you listen to me? I am trying to make a point here! When I brought those girls up here, we always shared a bedroom, and nobody batted an eyelash. But now – "
"Now, your dad belatedly decided to protect my virtue."
"This is exactly what I am trying to tell you! Why do you thing he's doing it?"
"How would I know? He's your father."
"It means he wants us to get married!"
Janet gave a startled laugh. "That's quite a leap! You sure it isn't the other way around – that he doesn't like me and doesn't want you to be with me?"
"Trust me, baby. I know the way the man thinks. You see, those other girls were – just girls. They didn't mean anything to me and, therefore, to him. So, he didn't care what they did. But you – he doesn't see you as just another girl I am dating. He sees you as his future daughter-in-law, Mrs. Brian Connelly. As such, you have to be treated with respect and your honor has to be protected!"
"That's the weirdest logic I've ever heard." Janet was silent for a while, staring up into the sky. "Bri, if you are right about this, do you realize that by this time pretty much your whole family has proposed to me?"
"Not quite. I might have a few aunts and uncles and cousins scattered all over the States and back in Ireland who haven't. I can get them over here if you think that will make a difference."
"No need. Okay, Bri... Let's do it."
"Baby? What did you say? Did I hear you right? Are you serious?"
"I did have my doubts. But it seems to be in the cards, so – Bri, wait! What are you doing?!"
When they could both breathe again after the tidal wave of kisses, Brian became all practical.
"Baby, why wait? Let's do it right away! Let's elope!"
"If you don't mind me asking, are you crazy?"
"It took you this long to notice? Of course, I am! About you! Look, I know a tiny chapel not far from here. We could go down there right now and see if there's anybody there who could officiate – "
"Hold your horses a sec. So, we go out for a walk in the meadow and come back married? Who gets married like that?"
"We do, that's who! But then I guess you want a real wedding. Every girl dreams of a big wedding with all the bells and whistles."
"I am not too big on bells and whistles. It doesn't have to be white gown and veil and ten bridesmaids and two hundred guests. But I'd rather not get married in a pair of dirty jeans, either. There has to be middle ground."
"I guess you are right. Sorry, baby, I got carried away. We'll do it properly, any way you want it."
"I have an idea. What we can do right now is get engaged!"
"Engaged? You mean, like, throw an engagement party?"
"No, silly. Literally right now, right here. Who are we going to invite to the party, the local wildlife? I mean, for starters, you need to propose."
"Huh? I've proposed dozens of times!"
"Not properly. I want a real, proper honest-to-God romantic proposal."
"Lord, I am such an oaf today. Of course. Oh, why didn't I get a ring in advance?"
"And carry it around in your back pocket on the off-chance you may need it?"
"Believe it or not, I thought of doing just that at one time. Okay, what can we use for a ring? Will this do?" He slipped off his class ring. "Just until we get back to town. Then I'll get you the most gorgeous engagement ring available."
"I could slip two of my fingers through this one. Wait! I might have a solution." She rummaged through her jeans pocket and produced a handful of Band-Aids. "Come on, help me with these."
Brian carefully wrapped two bands around her ring finger. "It should be bulky enough now. What next? I've never proposed properly before."
"I'm sure you've seen it hundreds of times in movies or read about it in books."
"Oh man, I've lost all ability to think straight. Okay, here goes." He got up on one knee.
"Hang on! I am not being properly proposed to while I am lying on the ground." She got up, dusted herself off as much as she could and struck a dignified pose.
"Okay, now here goes." Brian cleared his throat and started with all the solemnity he could muster: "Janet Wood, will you do me the honor of being my awful wedded – "
"Back up there! What did you just say? Awful?"
"Oh man! Lawful! I meant lawful! I am sorry!"
"Start over. I'd rather not be awful if I can help it."
"Fair enough. Janet Wood, will you do me the honor of being – "
"Okay, okay, I'll think about it."
"Hey, what are you doing? No going off script!"
"Sorry. Please continue."
"Ah, you know what? This is taking too long. Woman, will you marry me already or not?"
"I will, Brian Connelly. I most certainly, definitely, unquestionably will."
"Wow! So, now it's official?"
"As official as it can get."
"Oof!" Brian collapsed on the ground in mock exhaustion. "If the proposal takes this much energy, what's the wedding gonna be like?"
"You poor overworked darling! You don't have to work so hard, you know."
"Oh no, you are not getting out of this now! Not after I went to all this trouble." Sitting up, he grabbed her hand and pulled her down to him.
…
"Hey, what happened to you guys?" The whole family was gathered in the front yard. "Where have you been all this time?"
"Do you really have to ask, Mom? Just look at them. I'm sure they went at it at least five rounds, if big bro still could – "
"Neil Connelly! I won't have any obscene talk here!"
"What did I say, Mom? I didn't say one word!"
"You were about to. I know how your mind works."
"About to" doesn't count. And it's a free country. Everybody has a right to think whatever they want."
"Come on, Neil, you do need to get your mind out of the gutter and give it a good cleaning."
"Butt out, Erin! Nobody asked you!"
"Son, that's no way to talk to your sister."
"Dad, I didn't – "
"Hey! Family!" bellowed Brian. "If we could have just one second of your attention!" He grabbed Janet's hand and raised it as high as he could.
The voices abruptly fell silent – and then resumed their clamor with renewed excitement.
…
"What, just a small wedding?" Erin sounded disappointed. "What's wrong with a real one? We have family all over the place and about a thousand friends! And I am sure so do you."
"Don't worry, sis. It will be a very real wedding, not a make-believe one."
"And big bro says you want to have it out here in the sticks, while there are so many gorgeous banquet halls and stuff in town?"
"Erin, that kind of wedding would cost a fortune which could be put to better use. Of course, having the wedding out of this cottage will mean a lot of hassle for your parents – "
"Are you kidding? They are so happy they won't mind the hassle."
"See? There's a lovely little country church nearby and breathtaking scenery all around, and Brian loves this place, and now so do I. I don't see why more people wouldn't want to get married in an idyllic setting like this. I, for one, don't need all that pomp, and neither does your brother."
"Are you at least going to have a proper wedding gown and veil, like all those brides on TV? Oh Janet, I can just see you in one of those – "
"Sorry to be such a disappointment, sis. Those gowns and veils may be beautiful but they are so impractical. You have to drop a fortune on it, and then it just sits in your closet for the rest of your life."
"So, what are you gonna get married in?"
"I have my eye on a cutest summer dress. It looks great on me, and I'll be able to get a lot of wear out of it afterwards."
"Well, that sucks!" The girl sulked for a minute and then came up with another argument. "You know what people are gonna say if you have that kind of wedding? That you had to get married in a hurry and on the QT. Wait a minute, is that it?" Erin jumped up in excitement. "Are you pregnant? Oh please, please, please be pregnant! That way, I get a sister and a niece or nephew in one fell swoop! That would be so cool!"
"Sorry, sis. No one here is pregnant, as of the latest update."
Brian picked that moment to walk into the room. Erin turned to him: "Hey, big bro! I was just saying, won't it be exciting if we have a baby?"
"We?" Brian laughed and slipped an arm around his sister. "Thank you, sis, but my wife and I will be perfectly capable of managing that on our own. Your participation is not required."
Erin pouted. "I'd like to see how well you two manage on your own without my participation in babysitting."
"We'll know better than to even try," smiled Janet.
"Not if you know what's good for you! Now, sis, who are you gonna invite to the wedding?"
"My landlady, Mrs. Starr. She's been like a mother to me all this time."
"But what about your real mom? And dad? And your other – I mean, your original sister? I can't wait to meet them all. And maybe some of your old friends. Won't they be flying in for your wedding?"
"It's a long way from Indiana, Erin. And it costs a lot. I am not sure they are up to it."
"But Janet, it's your wedding!" Erin's eyes were round with shock. "Don't your folks want to see you married? And don't you want to have them there? If they are anything like my folks, I don't know what they would rather be doing."
"My folks are pretty much the same way. Especially my dad. But his health is not good, and mom won't leave him at home by himself."
"That's just too bad. And what about your friends? I'm sure you have lots of those."
"Maybe. But I am going to invite just one. Chrissy."