8. WHAT'S A WEDDING WITHOUT A WEDDING PLANNER?

.

"Tell me something, Bri. How badly do you need the flowers and the ribbons and all that stuff? How important is it to you?"

"Why, me? Never really thought about it... but I'll have to say not that much. I'd be perfectly happy to marry you without it."

"Then why are you so surprised that I feel the same?"

"Baby, last time I checked, I was not a girl."

"Thank God! I should certainly hope not."

"You are, on the other hand."

"And?"

"And every girl dreams of her wedding with the long white gown, the veil, ten bridesmaids in matching ugly dresses, the church lousy with decorations... Don't they? Didn't you?"

"I did. I remember picturing it all to myself – a sea of white wherever you look, bows, ribbons, flowers... And in the center of it all, myself, all done up just as you described."

"Pretty picture! And then what happened?"

"Then I grew up and started kindergarten."

"How come you don't want any of that now?"

"That pretty picture had just one thing wrong with it. The vacant spot right next to me. No matter how hard I tried to see who was in there, it remained a blank." She pulled herself up and looked him in the eyes. "It's no longer blank, Bri. Now that I can see you in that spot, that's all the decoration I need."

...

Just as Chrissy had expected and feared, Brian was on board with all of his fiancée's wishes even before she had a chance to voice them. However, Janet found herself facing opposition on the home front, in the face of Chrissy and, to a lesser extent, Mrs. Starr, the latter being her usual tolerantly retiring self. Chrissy, however, went to bat over every item Janet dismissed.

"How do you put together a wedding if the bride's crazy and the groom's crazy about her? You guys are so frustrating! Tell her, Mrs. Starr!"

"What makes you such an expert on weddings, Chrissy?"

"Hello? Minister's daughter?" Chrissy poked herself in the chest. "I started going to weddings before I learned to walk. Mom used to bring me in a baby carriage. Janet, I know you like to march to the beat of your own drummer but – "

Mrs. Starr raised an eyebrow. "You have a drummer all your own, Janet? Does Brian know?"

Janet gave her a wink.

"– a wedding is a wedding!" concluded Chrissy. "Why can't you have a normal wedding like normal people?"

"Chrissy, bridezillas are anything but normal people. Since you've been to many weddings, I'm sure you've seen poor brides and their poor families all miserable and stressed out making sure there's an equal number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, and that the color of the chair covers matches the bridesmaids' shoes and the groomsmen's ties, and that everybody's sitting according to the seating chart and with just the right people, and that the flower arrangements are exactly as ordered, and – "

"All right, all right, I get the idea," cut in Chrissy.

" – and instead of the happiness and joy this day is supposed to bring them, they end up wrung out and at each other's throats, blaming one another if some tiny detail goes wrong. Believe me, if Brian and I are meant to be happily married, we will be, regardless of the amount of cereal you are gonna waste sprinkling on us."

Chrissy was silent for a minute, scratching the tip of her nose. "You know something, Janet? I thought you were just being stupid and stubborn as a mule but now I am beginning to see you may be right. I think that when – if – I get married, I am not gonna stress if the flowers aren't just so. Or even if they fail to arrive at all. After all, I won't be marrying the flowers, right?"

"That's the spirit! But in case something like that does happen, remember your matron of honor is a florist and might do something about that."

"Matron? You mean, that lady in charge of bedlinens in a hospital? Why would I want her at my wedding?"

"No, honey. Matron also means an old married woman. Which is what I am gonna be, starting soon. So, I won't be able to be your maid of honor but I hereby appoint myself your matron of honor, which is the next best thing."

Chrissy looked bemused. "Cool. I don't have a bridegroom yet, but I already have a matron of honor?"

"Sure! She's the most important person in a wedding. The bridegroom is but a minor detail."

"Okay, Janet. Now I know you are being stupid!"

"That's because I am happy. Aren't I allowed a little stupidity?"

"Totally. Well, since you've appointed yourself my matron or whatever, I hereby appoint myself your wedding planner. You can hardly be expected to get a real one."

"Honey, the job is yours if you want it. Although I can't imagine what exactly you are planning to be planning."

"I see I have my work cut out for me. I guess gift registry is too much to hope for?"

"You guess right. We have no desire to force our guests to buy us overpriced stuff we don't need. After all, we'll be moving into a one-bedroom, not a castle. We won't even have room for the fancy stuff people normally register for."

"But you will be accepting wedding gifts, won't you? How far does your stupidity go?"

"Of course we will! In fact – "

"What?"

"I am even embarrassed to say. The Connellys and their friends are going overboard with – Oh no. You'll have to see it for yourself."

"How on earth did they sneak it past you, whatever it is?"

"I was outvoted. Brian got involved in it, so if I had put my foot down it might've cost me one whole fiancé."

"I knew I liked Brian! At least, there'll be one person making sense in this marriage. Anyway, back to the subject of gifts."

"Chrissy, honey, you don't have to get us anything. Just you being there – "

"Give it a rest, okay, Janet? I am not going to my best friend's wedding empty-handed. But – but – the problem is, I don't have any money at the moment, so I can't afford to buy you a gift."

"See, this is what I meant! Last thing I want is for you to be spending money you don't have!"

"You are not listening. I said I can't buy you a gift. Doesn't mean I can't give you a gift."

"Oh, you mean something you can make with your own hands? That would be lovely! What is it? Let me guess – a surprise."

"Of course, it's a surprise!" Chrissy blushed and looked away.

Janet glanced at her keenly. "What's going on, honey? I have a feeling there's something you are not telling me."

"How did you guess? In fact, I do have some good news of my own. I just didn't want to – "

"Honey!" Janet hugged Chrissy impulsively. "Don't tell me you, too – "

"No, Janet," said Chrissy soberly. "Not that kind of good news. I am not engaged. This is more – more work-related."

"Work-related? Did you get a promotion?"

"No. In fact, I am gonna quit this job."

"Oh? Did you find a better one?"

"Not yet but I'm gonna."

"Chrissy! Enough with the riddles! If I have to drag it out of you, we'll still be here until after the wedding day! Just tell me!"

"Okay. But first you tell me, what are you gonna do about your hair and makeup? I hope you do know you have to have special wedding makeup on, like you get at a salon?"

"I know." Janet sighed. "I did look into it. It costs a fortune at all the half-decent salons, and you have to book an appointment, like, a year in advance. And all for something that's not even gonna stay on longer than thirty minutes tops."

"You mean, until Brian licks it all off?" snickered Chrissy.

Janet blushed. "Or it gets smudged during the dancing. So, I'll just put it on myself, the way I do every day. But I admit, it would be kind of nice to have it done professionally."

"And what about your hair?"

"You mean, this hair?" Janet shook her head, sending her unruly dark curls dancing in every direction.

"No, I mean your other hair you keep stashed away for special occasions. What's wrong with you today, Janet? Why are you being so silly?"

"Chrissy, I'm just kidding. I mean, what can you do with hair this short? I'm just gonna brush it out and pin a rose to it."

"Pin it? You'll have to use superglue if you want it to stay on. Especially if you plan to move around."

"Well then, what do you suggest?"

"Your hair will have to be set in a special way to support the rose and keep it from falling off."

"This sounds like something that could only be done by a professional hairdresser at a salon, and we've covered that already. Why are we still talking about this?"

"Aha! This is where I come in. You know how I never really liked working as a secretary? I thought it was because I was too dumb. I don't think that anymore."

"Good for you, honey! But come on, give! I am dying of curiosity! Out with it."

"I found something I do like, and I am already getting pretty good at it." Chrissy drew a deep breath and announced proudly: "I am studying to be a hairdresser and beautician! No, wait! These days they call it a hairstylist and visagiste!"

"Chrissy! That's wonderful!"

"This course is costing me, which is why I am too broke to buy you a wedding gift. But it's worth every penny! And I can do your hair and real wedding makeup as a gift. Don't worry, I won't make a mess of it. I only have a couple of months until graduation, and I've already practised on a few girls, and they couldn't have been happier with the results."

"Honey, I can't tell you how excited I am for you! But how long were you gonna sit on it? How come you never breathed a word?"

"Because, Janet, you had this great news about getting engaged, and I didn't want to steal your parade! I mean, to rain on your thunder! No, wait, I mean – "

"Sweetie, you could do either or both, and I still couldn't be more ecstatic. And it would be nice to have an in at one of L.A.'s exclusive salons. Where I'm sure you are gonna get a job."

"From your lips to God's ears. And also, I wanted this to be a surprise."

"That's what everybody seems to be doing right now."

...

"I just don't get you, Stanley. All you ever want to do is sit here with your butt glued to this couch and your eyes to the TV. What's wrong with going out once in a while and having a good time?"

"Not if this good time is gonna cost me. Everybody knows you can't have a good time for free."

"Sure, sure. You never got the memo that best things in life were free, right?"

"Helen, I wouldn't trust whoever wrote that memo with a nickel. Shows how much they know. Anyway, what are you on about right now? Where do you want to drag me this time?"

"Why, Stanley! Haven't you been paying attention? We've been invited to a wedding!"

"A wedding? Your mother's or your sister's? Who's the unlucky guy?"

"Stanley, now you are just trying my patience. Janet's wedding! Our little Janet is getting married!"

"Oh right, Janet. That girl who used to live upstairs with those two other girls?"

"Stanley!"

"Okay, okay, I got it. Good for her. What's that to do with me?"

"Oh for goodness' sake, old man, have you given up on even trying to make sense? We are invited, and we are going!"

"But why do we have to go? She is not even our tenant anymore."

"Stanley, she is our good friend. Ever heard this word before?"

"You know, Helen, you are beginning to get on my nerves. Of course, I've heard this word. I just didn't know I was friends with her."

"Heaven forbid. I am friends with her, even if you are not. And you should be so lucky."

"So, she's getting married, eh?"

"Very good, Stanley! I knew you were gonna get it if you kept working at it. Yep, married. That's what people do when they have a wedding. Does that ring a bell?"

"Helen, you must think I am a total idiot."

"I wouldn't but the evidence is too compelling. You – " Mrs. Roper pointed to her husband, "and I – " she poked herself in the chest, "are – going – to – the – wedding." She mimed with her fingers walking towards the front door. "And I don't want to hear you griping about how much it's gonna cost you."

"Cost me! Now you are gonna tell me I have to buy a gift. It just keeps getting better and better."

"You know what, Stanley? I think the best wedding gift I can bring Janet and her young man is not bring you to their wedding. She could take one look at you, remember what marriage can be like and hightail it away from the altar like a bat out of hell. You are off the hook. You stay. I'll go."

"I know you are just trying to piss me off, Helen, but it works for me just fine. And see that you don't spend too much on the gift! Anyway, with just one person going, that should cut the price of the gift in half."

"Spend too much of what? Have you forgotten I don't have a cent of my own? Half of nothing is still nothing. I am gonna crochet her a beautiful lacy shawl. I already have just the right yarn, so it won't cost you one penny."

"Now you are talking! I like that! Anyway, who else is gonna be there? Her family finally gonna put in an appearance, or have they written her off completely?"

"Don't judge, Stanley. Her dad's a very sick man. He can't go, and his wife can't leave him there all by himself. But her new landlady's gonna be there – "

"Great, two whole landladies, and not a single parent in sight. That's not weird at all."

" – and, of course, Chrissy."

"Chrissy who? Oh right, her friend the cute blondie. What about the other one?"

"You mean Jack?"

"Jack, Tinkerbell, same difference."

"Chrissy said he was not coming."

"You don't say! They used to be thick as thieves, all three of them. What happened?"

"I don't know, Stanley. Must've had a falling out. As for Chrissy, she's all but moved in with Janet's future in-laws, the Connellys."

"Why? What's she doing with Janet's future in-laws, whatever their name is?"

"Helping with the preparations. In fact, she's put herself in charge of the preparations."

"That's just messed up. Shouldn't the bride be in charge of the preparations?"

"Usually, yes. But this bride doesn't want any pomp. She wanted to keep it real simple and didn't want anyone to go to any trouble. Her idea is to have the ceremony in a chapel not far from the Connellys' cottage, and then for everybody to get together in their backyard and have a low-key celebration. But they all thought that was taking the real simple thing too far. They are trying to get everything ready as a surprise for her, so that it's kinda quirky and loads of fun."

"So, let me get this straight. She doesn't want anybody to go to any trouble, and that's why they are going to all that trouble?! I just don't get people, Helen. Why would they bother to do something if they don't even have to?"

"Because, Stanley, I know the idea must seem really bizarre to you, but sometimes people do something for other people just to make them happy. To show them how much they are loved. Because they all love our Janet, and they love that boy she's marrying. I've heard he's simply adorable."

"Hmm, hmm... adorable... whatever. Does he get to have any say in his own wedding?"

"Sure. He wants it to be just the way she wants it. Because he loves her that much. I am not sure you are familiar with this concept either, Stanley. But that's what love is like."

...

The morning of the big day, Chrissy arrived at the Connellys' with an overnight bag and an impressive-looking case which contained her tools of the trade.

Brian had been unceremoniously kicked out of the house. Janet and Chrissy settled in the master bedroom, the only room which had a real vintage vanity – one of Mrs. Connelly's most prized possessions. According to Chrissy, a vanity with a triple mirror was an absolute must for her work.

After she got Janet seated on the low chair in front of the mirror, Chrissy stared at her face critically, head tilted.

"What are you gaping at me for, Chrissy? It's not like you've never seen me before."

"I am now assessing you with a professional eye," announced Chrissy importantly. "Terrible."

"That bad, eh? I know I am looking run down but I didn't realize – "

"Oh come on, Janet, that's not what I mean! I meant, if all my potential clients looked like you, I would be out of work before I even got a job! What's a visagiste supposed to do here? It'll be like guilting the lily!"

"Poor lily! What is it guilty of?"

"Why? It's not guilty! It's just beautiful! Did I screw something up again?"

"No big deal. The expression is "to gild the lily". As in, paint over with gold paint. Anyway, thank you, honey, but this is my everyday look. Surely you could think of something extra for the occasion?"

In no time, Chrissy found enough to do with Janet's face to enhance its natural loveliness and styled her hair in a way that made the white satin rose, the only item Janet had bought at a bridal boutique, proudly sit atop her head like a crown.

"Now I'll do me." She shooed Janet away from the vanity and took her place. "Don't look until I am all finished, okay?"

"Won't think of it." Janet hesitated. "Honey, may I say something? I am the bride, remember? You can't get mad at me today."

"Then I'll wait until tomorrow to get mad at you. But that depends on how bad it is."

"I just wanted to point out… you are the expert, of course, so what do I know – "

"Out with it, Janet!"

"Okay. The makeup you normally wear could be seen from outer space. What nobody can see is your pretty face hidden behind it."

"Well then, how do you like this?" Chrissy turned around to face Janet.

"Wow, Chrissy!" gasped Janet. "You look – you look – "

The word that came to her was "subtle". Delicate foundation, a touch of mascara, silvery eyeshade and shimmering frosted pink lipstick matching the color of Chrissy's dress and lighting up her whole face. The effect was young, fresh and innocent.

" – absolutely lovely! Okay, the next wedding is definitely yours."

"If I catch the bouquet. Wait a minute! Knowing you, you probably don't even have one."

"What do you mean, I don't have one? Did you forget what I did for a living?" Janet pointed to the corner table where lay a bouquet of white roses elegantly draped in pale blue silk.

"Wow! Your own handiwork, right?"

Janet nodded. "It's definitely getting tossed. Just make sure you catch it and not Erin, or my in-laws will kill me."

"Why, don't they want her to get married?"

"Sure they do. Just not at fifteen."

"Good to know we have the bouquet covered. What about the rest of it?"

"Oh Chrissy, please don't be tedious. Are we really doing the something borrowed, something blue routine?"

"Janet, behave, or I'll wash the makeup off you."

"Tyrant. Okay, let's get this out of the way. My shoes are old – "

"Janet Wood! Don't tell me you are wearing old shoes to your wedding! This is what happens the moment I look away!"

"Chrissy, relax. I've only worn them once, to make sure I'll be able to get around in them today."

"Once doesn't count as old."

"There's no pleasing you. Are they too old or too new for your liking? Pick one."

"Ah, whatever. Next item!"

"My dress is new. And blue."

"Hey, no cheating! It can't count as both."

"Well then, the dress isn't the only blue garment I'm gonna be wearing."

"But what else – Oh, I see! You naughty girl!"

"Yep. The most delicate blue lace I could find."

"Is that something big bro could pull off you with his teeth?" said a young voice from the doorway.

Both jumped and looked embarrassed.

"Erin! What are you doing, sneaking up on people?"

"And eavesdropping on what's none of your business?"

"What? Big deal! I am fifteen, not five! Anyway, sis, I just wanted to see if you'd care to borrow this." Erin proffered Janet a slim silver bracelet.

"Do you need to ask?" Janet held out her arm for Erin to clasp the bracelet around it. "It's perfect!"

"As long as you don't forget to return it." Erin put an arm around Chrissy. "You are crashing in my room tonight, remember?"

"Wouldn't have it any other way, honey." Chrissy hugged the girl back.

"The house is gonna be crammed up to the roof, what with people staying over, so you are stuck with me anyway. Wow, I dunno about big bro but I sure am happy about this wedding. Now I have not just one big sister but two."