Music Playing: Unjust Life by Jun Maeda

My heart broke seeing her like that. All this time, as they looked for me, I was trailing behind them. Within, I berated myself for being so cowardly. Make no mistake, I wanted to go and see her after all these years. I had a million scenarios going through my mind about the subject but, mostly, I wondered if I'd be met with rejection or if she'd even recognize me. I knew she needed me more than ever but I was so afraid. At least, I resolved, she's not alone. It took courage, I think, to leave her on a stranger's doorstep but I couldn't even bring myself to visit her in the hospital. Here I am again, outside looking in.

My heart was telling me to go and see her, to clear all of this up but I couldn't find the courage to go. The only thing I could think to do was linger around the hospital where she was taken. Within, I wanted to embrace her again, to tell her that I loved her, and give my reasons for why I left her all those years ago. Go, damn you! Go and see the sister you love so much. I was terrified then, when we were children, and I am terrified currently. In the back of my mind, I wondered what our father would think. He probably curses my cowardice, too. Father, I am sorry.

If anything, at the moment, I wish the heartbreak of leaving on that doorstep had killed me, though I found myself cursing that, too, as she'd really be alone with no answers. Honestly, I'd have to wonder what would be worse—Dying of heartbreak so many years ago and leaving her alone or having her in the hospital and, yet, having no courage to visit her. I was in an emotional spiral and at a war with myself, further debating on what I should do in this scenario. Further compounding this is that I knew her hospital bills would be costly and I can't just pay them anonymously.

As I pondered what to do, I caught someone's attention. I don't know why but I just panicked and opted to run, uttering, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" As I ran, I begged Ryuuko for forgiveness. What I didn't count on was that someone running after me and she caught up pretty quickly, seizing my arm. I probably would have panicked a bit more, if not for realizing that someone was the Mankanshoku girl. Damn. For what it was worth, she didn't recognize me from those years ago but she did ask me if I was alright. I couldn't find the words but she did tell me that her name was "Mako" and that she was concerned about Ryuuko.

I felt my heart drop when she mentioned that Mrs. Mankanshoku told her that Ryuuko's condition progressed to critical and that they were worried that the infection or whatever it was she has would cause failure of her more essential organs. My cowardice was killing her and I knew it. I suppose it was crueler that she was telling all of this to me and being so unaware. "She doesn't really eat, so she's got another tube. It's like her intra-tubes but they probably would have gave her one in her stomach." she told me, before looking even more dejected. It was silent for a bit before she turned to me, going, "She's been with us since she was little..."

"Oh...?" I asked her, finally mustering some courage. I already knew the answer.

"Yes. She's about my age and we were both li'l kids when we met."

"Oh."

"We don't know how old she is but we know she's about my age."

"Mmm."

"We don't even know her birthday, so she shared with me."

"Oh..."

"And, now, if we don't find Memory, I might have my birthday by myself..."

By that point, I noticed a shift in her tone and volume. Throughout the course of the conversation, I realized that she got quieter and more somber. I knew that I had to come clean, but I still couldn't find the nerve. I could tell she was trying to hold back her tears. We walked and talked for a bit, though I mostly listened as I worked up how to confess the truth.

As I worked up the courage, I started to wipe away tears and the Mankanshoku girl paused in her talks to ask me if I was alright. I told her, in no uncertain terms, that I wasn't. I couldn't bring myself to tell her why I was so upset but I knew the irony really twisted the knife. I wanted to run again but I knew I couldn't abide by my cowardice. No, I couldn't. My cowardice is the reason this whole thing even happened.

Maybe, by facing it all, I can right several wrongs.

Authoress Notes: "Unjust Life" was the most fitting track, to be honest.

To address a point, in the show's canon, Mako and Ryuuko are about the same age, most likely, so that would carry over here, where she and Mako are the same age. Now, being that Satsuki left Ryuuko on the Mankanshokus' doorstep with no documentation besides a note and a sweater, so they wouldn't have a clue when Ryuuko's birthday is but they do know that she's Mako's age. With the two being so close, it's likely they'd celebrate their birthdays on the same day.