10. AND?

.

...stared around her without a smidgen of comprehension.

Instead of sitting perched on a bar stool, she was reclining in a deep, comfortable armchair. The cozy, slightly old-fashioned room she was in seemed vaguely familiar, like a place she hadn't been in decades.

And the man sitting on the couch next to the armchair and smiling at her was –

Someone he could not possibly be. Someone who had once been so dear to her that when he was lost decades earlier, the best part of her was gone, too. Someone who –

– leaned over and said: "Hey baby, feeling better? You must've been all tuckered out. Shall we go now?"

"Bri?" The name came out in a half-whisper, half-scream.

He laughed softly. "Well, don't sound so surprised. Who did you expect to see? Did you marry some other guy today, as well?"

"Marry?" Her throat still refused to produce a normal sound.

His face darkened with concern. "Okay, baby, what's happening? You are scaring me. Are you feeling all right?"

She drew a deep breath, both because she needed it and as an excuse to try and collect her thoughts.

Strangely enough, it worked. She felt almost ready to face reality. If only she knew what reality was.

She rubbed her eyes with both hands and sat up straight. "B-Bri, listen..." Her lips had trouble forming the name she hadn't pronounced in years. "This is gonna sound insane. But please bear with me. Something's happening... or happened... which I can't figure out. I'm gonna need your help with it."

"Of course! Anything!" he said eagerly.

She considered the wording of her questions very carefully. "Tell me something. Have I been asleep? Did I pass out? How long was I out?"

"No time at all! You kind of collapsed into the chair, shut your eyes and opened them right away. You must be totally exhausted. Do you want me to get rid of them, so that you could have some peace?"

She became aware of a group of people in the room, their faces turned towards her with worried looks.

"I better send them packing." He got up and turned towards the group. "Guys, look, she's very tired. We are gonna sit here for a while. How about you get going? Thanks, everybody!"

Murmurs of understanding and concern. Some of the people ascended the stairs, others walked out the front door. Their words were white noise.

Finally, they were alone.

"So, all that... it just happened?"

"Of course! How come you don't remember?" He looked at her with a smile but his eyes were full of apprehension. "You sound like you've been asleep for a hundred years, like that Dutch guy in the old tale."

"That's how it feels." She glanced down to see she was wearing a pretty pale blue dress. "But Bri... this dress... this house... you... How is this possible?"

He looked nonplussed. "Amazing! I've known you can dream a whole long narrative while asleep for just a short while, but never quite like this. That must've been one hell of a dream! You'll have to tell me all about it." He stood and offered her a hand to help her up.

She didn't budge. "No, wait, please. I am very confused right now, and I need to sort it all out. Before I lose my mind."

"Well, this is not quite as I hoped to spend my wedding night – " he started grumbling but then caught himself. "Sorry, baby. Whatever you need. So, tell me, what happened in that dream?"

"You died," she said bluntly. "And it wasn't a dream."

...

The longer she talked and he listened, the less sense it made to either of them.

"You said it yourself, Bri, I was only out for a minute or so. But I lived a whole other life in that time! Years! No, decades!"

"Dreams can be that way," he said, not for the first time and sounding less and less certain.

"So they can. Only it wasn't a dream."

"So, what are you saying? Am I dead? Do I look dead to you?"

"What I am saying is... it felt real. And this feels real, too. And I don't know which reality is real – " She trailed off hopelessly.

"I can help you with that. Let me prove – " he began but she interrupted.

"If you are thinking of pinching me, don't bother. That won't prove anything. I tell you, I didn't just see it, the way you see events unfolding in a dream. I lived it. I felt it. And anyway, my shoes are pinching already."

"I am not surprised, after the way you danced. Where did you learn to do Irish jigs like that? Even my Uncle Sean couldn't keep up with you, and he's been our family champion for – Sorry, baby. Well, what do you expect of me? This is reality as I know it. And why don't you take off your shoes?"

She slipped off her shoes and settled back, her feet resting in his lap. He automatically started massaging them.

"A-a-ah!" she breathed out ecstatically.

"Aha! Doesn't this feel good?"

"It feels great. And... and your blood gushing all over me felt horrible." She saw him wince. "I am sorry, Bri. But both this and that feel – "

"Equally real. I know. Baby, I have no clue what's going on. I can't even – " He fell silent, looking like a lost little boy. "Wait a minute!" he exclaimed suddenly. "Did you say, blood gushing all over you? All over your dress? This blue dress?"

"Yes. Why?"

"George and Louise's engagement party, remember? You spilled red wine on yourself. On that blue dress you were wearing at the time. Right?"

"So, what of it?"

"So, your subconscious re-created it in your dream! The sight, the sensation – "

"Oh Lord. That's right! I remember how spooked I felt, with that huge red stain spreading on my dress. Almost as if it was a premonition – a foreshadowing – "

"Good! Finally, we agree."

"No, Bri, wait! I don't have a clue what's going on anymore than you do. But please stop trying to convince me it was a dream. Don't you see it can't be that simple? Can you try to open your mind to – to other possibilities?"

"Sure, baby." He nodded and went on massaging her feet.

"Don't humor me. I need you to believe me. Try to at least consider – "

"Consider what?" He sounded frustrated. "If it wasn't a dream, what else could it have been?" He fell silent abruptly and drew a deep breath. "We are talking in circles. Look, I am willing to consider the possibility you might've experienced some kind of – of a paranormal event. A vision." He paused. "Why was it so dark and tragic? You can't possibly have subconsciously wished for it, can you?"

"What do you think? Can I?"

He chuckled. "No way. Okay, I can see we need to sort this out before we can move on to – to more pleasant things. How does this sound? Let's start over. We compare notes on today's events as we each know them. And find out from which point on we know them differently."

She nodded, looking uncertain.

"Baby, you do remember today's events, don't you?"

"Today... today was our wedding day," she whispered. "But it feels to me as if it happened years ago."

...

"So, Bri, after the party broke up, our friends wanted to walk us to our cabin – "

" – and you said you needed to get something from the house first – "

" – and I asked to give me a minute and came in here – "

" – and sank into this chair and closed your eyes – "

"Right. So far, everything tallies."

"So far it does. But then you opened your eyes – and started talking weird, about death and murder and decades passing after today. And we've been here since then."

"Bri, wait! I got it! Here's where it splits! Right from this point on!"

"Okay, how did it go from this point on, according to you?"

"I opened my eyes... and we all stepped out, our friends yelling they wanted to carry us on their shoulders, and then – he was there, blocking our way – "

"He? He who?"

"Him. The fiend. The murderous bastard. Your roommate Stevo. And then he – he killed you."

"Stevo!" exclaimed Brian. "Oh good Lord – that's what got you thinking – no, wait, it can't be – "

"Now you are talking weird, Bri. Oh man." She chuckled bitterly. "What can even be considered weird in this context? Okay, what about Stevo, according to you?"

Brian looked uncomfortable and sad. "I never told you this. Didn't want to get you upset right before the wedding. But something happened to Stevo just a few days ago. It was bizarre – at least, it felt bizarre until – until all this."

"So, tell me already!"

"A few days ago, when you were at Mrs. Starr's packing up your stuff, and I was at my place doing the same, he walked in and started picking a fight with me. I had tried talking to him about the wedding at least twice before, and both times he got all nasty and shut me down. And now he started shouting at me, all kinds of stuff that didn't make any sense, and next thing I knew, he came at me with a kitchen knife..."

"A knife!" she gasped.

"Yes. Only he didn't get very far because I held him off with one hand. But before I could wrestle the knife away from him, he wriggled out, ran out the front door and was gone. I raced after him and kept running around for quite a while, calling his name, but he had vanished. I came back home. What else was there to do? I cursed myself for not stopping him and hoped he wouldn't get into any serious trouble."

"And did he?"

"Did he ever. About a couple of hours later, two police officers knocked on my door. They wanted to see his room, went through his stuff, asked me a dozen questions about him... It turned out he had assaulted a young couple with the knife. Stabbed the guy, tried to rape the girl. All in plain sight of half a dozen passers-by."

"Oh Bri, no! That's terrible!"

"The police grabbed him, of course, took him downtown and tried to determine whether he was drunk or high or something like that. He was clearly impaired, very belligerent and incoherent. He seemed to be having some sort of psychotic break."

"Dear Lord." She shuddered. "What about the couple? Are they okay?"

"Oh yes, as well as could be expected. He has a shallow flesh wound on his arm, and she's gotten away with a few bruises and a bad shock. But they will be fine with time. Steve, on the other hand..." He trailed off.

"So, there was absolutely no way he could've been here tonight?"

"Here? Are you kidding? He's in a maximum-security psychiatric facility, undergoing involuntary hold and assessment of whether he is competent to stand trial. But at this point, it's a mere formality. It's clear he is gonna stay at one of those places for the criminally insane for who knows how long."

"So, in a way, all that happened in this reality mirrored – "

"Right! You see it now? All this must've been on your mind and affected your dream – vision – "

"How? You just said you hadn't told me any of this before. Or had you? Now, think hard! Had you?"

"No," admitted Brian. "Not a word. There wasn't any time for that anyway. Like I said, I wasn't gonna spring it on you right before the wedding."

"Then how could I have known? Who could've told me if you didn't? I had no clue of any of this until a minute ago! What do you say now?"

Brian was silent for a long time. "I don't know what to say. Or what to think. Other than... it had to be what you say it was. Reality split in two."

...

"So, what happened after... after... I can't even say this!"

"After that... Bri, I tried to move on with my life. But it just wasn't there anymore. I was all set to move back home and try to forget all about California and what had happened here. Then, on what was supposed to be my last night in L.A., I went for a walk and wandered into Tom Bergin's…"

"Our favorite pub!"

"Yes. There was a man there who… who seemed to remind me of you in some vague way. He sat next to me, and…"

"And?"

"And I went home with him and tried to pretend he was you. I hadn't been able to accept that you were gone. There's no one like you, Bri, and never will be."

Brian looked down and swallowed painfully. "Please go on."

"It never got any better. For any of us. Everybody ended up badly." She fell silent.

"Well?" he urged.

She nerved herself to continue. "You were gone. Your family was devastated. Both your parents went to an early grave. Neil and Erin lost all sense of direction or purpose in life. I guess watching a beloved brother die a senseless death would do that to a young person. And I – "

"And you? What did you do after that… that visit to Tom Bergen's?"

"I never went home. I could have gone back to my family to share my grief with them. But not my disgrace. I canceled my flight and moved out of Mrs. Starr's house to a room I found elsewhere. Not in the nicest place or neighborhood. But I no longer cared about that. I started hanging out at Tom Bergen's almost every night, and every time I would meet someone who had something in common with you. One was tall like you, another had your dark hair falling over one eye, yet another sounded just like you when you call me baby… Contrary to all reason, I kept searching for those little bits of you in all of them. As if by being with all of them, I could bring you back…"

She trailed off and glanced at him. His face looked like gray stone.

"Then, many years later, I saw… him."

"Him whom?"

"That man who… who had hurt me. Whom both you and I once vowed to kill."

Brian nodded without speaking.

"He sought me out at the pub and told me he loved me, and begged me to forgive him and come away with him and start over. And I – At first, I told him to leave. But then I thought of another way to get back at him. I took him home and gave him what I am sure was the best night of his whole miserable life. Because by that time I was good."

"When were you anything but good?"

"I mean, really good. Almost like a pro."

Brian winced. "Were you – did you ever – ?"

"I never did go pro, if that's what you are asking. I never accepted anything from them other than flowers or a drink. In the morning I kicked him out and told him to never show his face there again. That was my revenge."

"Revenge! Baby, you don't have a malicious or vindictive bone in you!"

"True, I don't. I'd never borne anyone any grudge before. Not even him. Even as I thought he deserved to be punished, I never really wished him any harm. But after I lost you… by that time I was a completely different person. Cold, bitter, hollowed out. I knew the memories of that one night were going to haunt him afterwards, just as the guilt for what he had done to me earlier would haunt him forever. The thought of his torment made me almost happy – as happy as I was capable of being. And I knew he never did get his life back on track. I saw him many years down the road – a broken, penniless old man living off his brother's charity. Strangely, I saw his fate clearer than my own. But based on everything I did see, it couldn't have been good. This is just about it."

He took a few moments to absorb all that. Then he looked up suddenly: "Wait a minute! Something here doesn't make sense! You said – "

She laughed with a shadow of her old mirth. "Seriously? Something doesn't make sense, while everything else does?"

"What I mean is, you keep saying it all took several decades. Right?"

"Right. So it did. Why?"

"And yet, you say that right before you woke up here, you had been in Tom Bergen's, being hit on by some guy, and that was the first time you ever – " He gulped. "But that couldn't have been decades after – after I – you know. Months, maybe, if I got your lifetime correctly. But not decades."

"Congrats, Bri. You just zeroed in on the one flaw in a sea of otherwise flawless logic. Are you actually trying to make sense of this? I guess that's a good sign. At least, you are finally taking it seriously."

"I finally saw I had no choice but to take it seriously. So, how do you explain that?"

"I don't have an explanation. Whatever this was, it followed its own logic we'll never be able to understand. It was as if I was experiencing it all at the same time – the present and the distant future and everything in between. How does this grab you?"

"Just about as well as the rest of it does."

"You still insist I dreamed all this in a couple of instants?"

"I gave up on that quite a while ago."

"So far, so good. Oh no!" Her eyes widened in terror. "What if this is just like Jacob's Ladder?"

"Whose ladder? What's this to do with somebody's ladder?"

"Jacob's Ladder is a movie. Don't you remember it, Bri?"

"Never heard of it."

"Strange! You are such a movie buff I thought you knew them all. I clearly remember watching it. Wait a minute..." She frowned. "I did watch it. But with somebody else. Because it doesn't yet exist in the here and now. It won't come out for another... ten years or so. But I did see it. Isn't this proof that I did live that other life?"

"This isn't proof of anything. How do we know such a movie will ever be made? And anyway, why did you bring it up now?"

"Okay, forget the movie. But you have read An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge, haven't you? I saw that book on your bedside table. Remember that one?"

"By Ambrose Bierce? Sure. It's so spooky it's hard to forget. But what does it have to – Oh no. Is that what you are thinking?"

"Well, why shouldn't I think that? I remember reading an article on this phenomenon. It said something like "the subjective passage of time in a hallucination during the last moment before death". What if it wasn't you who was murdered but me? What if I am lying there bleeding out, and before I breathe my last I live this whole other life?"

"Baby," said Brian solemnly, "I hope you are not too disappointed, but neither of us has been murdered. We are both alive and well and newlywed."

"How do you know that?"

"I don't," he admitted. "But I am willing to take a leap of faith. If you take it with me."

They stared at each other, deep in thought. Then she said: "A fine start to our marriage, wouldn't you say? If the first day of our life together is completely whacko, what are we to expect?"

"There's just one thing we can expect. The unexpected."

"Perhaps you'd rather be married to some other girl? Someone who could give you an easier, simpler life, without any such weirdness or paranormal events? It's not too late to get an annulment. Because, you know, the marriage hasn't been consummated. I would give it some serious thought if I were you."

"Okay, will do." Brian thought for about five seconds. "Done! I've known all along that life with you would never be predictable or uncomplicated. Or boring. I'd still rather be married to you than to any ordinary girl."

"Maybe that's because you aren't any ordinary guy."

"Maybe," he agreed with a mysterious air.

"I've known this all along! In fact, I've often wondered who you really are, Brian Connelly, and how you came to be in my life. And why."

"And do you have any theories as to who I really am or how I came to be on that early bus?"

"All I know is that it had to be part of some divine plan. No way someone as unrealistically fabulous as you could have come my way as a mere coincidence. You were sent to me, weren't you?"

"Just as you were sent to me."

They were both quiet for a minute or so.

"Okay, Mrs. Connelly," he said at length. "Now that we've got all that straightened out, what say we finally depart on our honeymoon?"

"Sounds great, Mr. Connelly." She held out her hands to him.

He pulled her to her feet, picked her up in his arms and whispered: "And consummate hell out of this marriage while we are at it."

Kicking the door open with his foot, Brian stepped out of his parents' cottage and carried his wife to their new home.

.

December 11, 2023

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