AN: This chapter would be considered a prequel to the first 2 I guess.
How they got to the place they are in chapters 1 & 2
He knew that she would be pissed off at him. He had missed the first couple counseling session that they had. But he had a reason. A valid reason. You could see it by look at him. At least she would be
"Jackson, I know you love me and I love you," she promised him, her hands lying on his chest showing him that she was sincere, "but the things that we have seen in our lives," green eyes looking up into blue eyes, "and things we have done to each other. I just don't think we can get past this without any help."
He only had one condition: it be in a town that neither of them was very well known in. He did have enemies, and they would use this against him, as they had used her and their children in the past.
Her shutting him out after the prison deal with Otto. All the things she kept from him after her release: Planning to divorce him and take their kids, giving evidence against the club to go into witness protection, faking her pregnancy and miscarriage to frame his mother. He wasn't going to lie; it did jade him a little. She was the love of his life, but his trust in her had been shaken. He hated feeling like that. But it wasn't like he was an angel. His cheating on her several times in their relationship nearly broke her emotionally. And they were still dealing with the emotional fall-out of watching his mother die in front of them.
He couldn't call her. When he was finally free, he went straight to the hospital looking for her.
"Tara!" he found her studying a chart with a surgical mask dangling from her neck and a cap to conceal her hair. He was always in awe that she loved him and put up with his shit. This amazing woman whom he'd loved since high school, went off to become a doctor and came back because she did love him.
She looked up at him briefly, sighed, dropped her head to her chest and began moving past him. Reaching for her arm to turn her around to face him, she yanked it free, "I'm working Jax!" she hissed walking as fast as she could away from him.
He really didn't want to make a scene at the hospital. She had already been through enough shit there with him, the club and his mother. He knew she saved lives; she saved their sons life, that this was her calling. But he needed her to know what happened, and why he wasn't able to make it to their first session.
"I know babe," he followed her whispering so he wouldn't startle the patients, "but I need to explain," he insisted.
She stopped abruptly before she rounded the corner, whirling on her heel to face him, "I am mad at you!" She hissed through gritted teeth at him, "I don't want to talk to you right now!"
Tara didn't see him coming; he came down the hall that she hadn't turned down yet. The overly-friendly, a little-too-touchy-for-professionalism, new pulmonology resident, Doctor Gales, "Excuse me," he breezed by Tara rounding the corner, his hand reaching out slightly to graze her arm gently, "Is there a problem here?"
Tara gasped softly and cringed. The cold chill she always felt when he did something like, going straight up her spine. Like it used to do when Josh became too much.
"I can explain babe," Jax started but stopped when he heard the male voice, saw him walk behind his wife and saw his fingertips gently graze her arm. As if he had the right to touch her. Jax felt his heart begin to pound, his hands begin to shake, his breathing become harsher, his jaw clenched, his nose flared, as he cocked his head to the side slightly and looked this man up and down, sizing him up. The man who just touched his wife. Without hesitation. Jax had no doubt he could take this man. He feared no one.
Hearing Tara's gasp of shock and seeing her cringe, told him all he needed to know. That touch was definitely unwanted, and something that had probably happened several times before, going unchecked.
Hearing his breathing become harsher, Tara finally actually looked at Jax. He was scraped up and he looked a bit ragged for the wear. Then she felt guilty for being so upset about his missing their first session. He had obviously had a good reason.
Gales looked Jax over. Why was this man bothering young Doctor Knowles? He was obviously trouble. Long greasy looking blonde hair, raggedy looking beard, tattoos on his scraped up for arms. A leather vest with patches all over it. She had a ring on her finger, so she was obviously married. But a little flirting never hurt anyone right? At least that was his motto.
"I don't have a problem," Jax scoffed as the doctor stood a little too close to his wife and she was trying to shuffle away from him into the wall, "But you will have a serious problem if put your hands on my wife again," he promised.
"Jax…" Tara sounded so small. Like she did when she first came back to town. That was not his Tara. His Tara wasn't afraid of anything. He did not like that voice at all.
"Your wife?" Dr. Gales questioned surprised, his eyes shifting to look at Tara.
"I didn't stutter," Jax challenged, stepping in front of him cutting Tara out of the way. "That's the only warning you'll get," Jax raised his eyebrows at him. "But from the way MY," his eyes went wide in emphasis of the word and he leaned into the man slightly for emphasis, "wife reacted to you, that one is overdue." The statement wasn't accusatory towards Tara, like it was something she was hiding from Jax. They had been going through an extremely rough patch.
He held his hand out for Tara to take, pulling her into him when she did. Not as a sign of possession, but to comfort her, let her know he was there, wasn't going anywhere, "If you'd like to discuss this further, feel free to drop by your local ice cream shop. We can have all the words you want," Jax promised, raising his lip in a smirk at the look of stun on the man's face.
Doctor Gales was stunned silent. Had he just been threatened? He think he was. He would have to speak to Margaret about that. But right now he had rounds to attend to.
"Come on babe," Jax spoke softly too Tara, kissing the top of her head, he began guiding her towards Margaret Murphy's office. She hadn't said anything since the doctor touched her. THAT was not his wife. She gave just as good as she got. When she got quiet like this, he knew she was thinking too much.
Finally when she noticed they were going the wrong way to her office, "Jax? Where are we going?"
"Margaret's office, babe," Jax said softly, "you have to report him. They call that harassment and you know it."
"Jax I can't," she nearly sobbed.
"Why? I can tell by the way you reacted to him, this was not a first occurrence or a one-time thing," he spoke softly to her. His first reaction to seeing the woman he loved react this way was the same as it was 15 years ago and then 4 years ago. To beat the living shit out of the mother-fucker who caused her that pain and fear.
How ironic, he thought, the good clean cut guys are the assholes, and the outlaw is the one that makes her feel safe.
She began to sob. He stopped her, trying to meet her eyes, but she refused. He tilted her chin up with his index finger, "Baby, please look at me," he pleaded. When she did, he could see the fear in them. Now he was getting pissed off again, but he bit it back down. Things had gotten so twisted between them that his wife was being sexually harassed at work and she didn't even feel like she could tell him.
He looked around and realized they were close to the chapel, kissing her forehead sweetly, he draped his arm across her shoulder and guided her in. He set her in the front pew, so he could crouch down and kneel in front of her.
"Talk to me baby, please," he nearly begged, taking her hands into his. She looked down into his blue eyes, the gentle eyes that ALWAYS made her feel safe, one of the reasons she came back to Charming.
"He started working here after I went to jail for the Otto thing. When I came back, you know how twisted up I was, we were," she sniffed as the hard truth of what went on between them began to come out, "between trying to find a way out of that mess, being harassed by him," she paused to swallow past the lump in her throat, "and, ugh faking the, ugh," she stopped again, her throat burned and her head pounded just thinking about it, "pregnancy and miscarriage," she barely managed to strain them out, the words so harsh and ugly.
His eyes closed at that, his eyes stinging from the tears that threatened to fall, the muscles in his jaw flexing as that words fell from her lips, as the words sunk in. He knew what she did, learned from his mother and his attorney. Knowing and hearing the truth being admitted were two different things.
Gently tugging on his hands that she held, she pulled him closer to her until his head fell between her breasts and his arms wrapped around her midsection, "Jax, baby, I'm so sorry I did that to you," she sobbed as he inhaled deeply pulling her tighter into him.
She had to tell him the truth. All of it. "When I was in jail, you know nothing is private…"
He nodded his head, "I do," he agreed. He was definitely not a stranger to being on the inside. He just never imagined his wife would too.
"Some of the other inmates saw your crow on my back," she was speaking in barely above a whisper, but with just the two of them alone in the chapel, he could hear her clear as day, "they knew what that meant. I was a Son's old lady. Marked permanently. 'I wonder if a biker bitch can hold their own?'" she recounted, her voice strained with tears, "I was rushed to the infirmary with severe abdominal trauma and other injuries."
He didn't think he could, but he pulled her tighter to him, afraid he might break her, he was squeezing her so hard. He couldn't get close enough to her. He wanted to protect her from the world, his world. He hadn't even thought about her being protected on the inside. Every crew had their enemies, and those enemies also had woman who knew about their men's lives, and what things meant.
"There was no way for the embryo to survive," she whispered harshly. One arm was wrapped across his shoulders as the other stroked and cradled his head into her chest.
The guilt he felt overwhelmed him. Well he was out here in the world, free to fuck whomever caught his fancy that day to help ease his heart ache over being turned away by his wife. Meanwhile, she was alone and suffering the loss of their child. "Jesus baby," he gasped out, "well you were going through hell by yourself with no protection, I was out here feeling sorry for my fucking self because you wouldn't see me or talk to me."
She had laid her 'hand' on the table. Now it was his turn. If they were going to make their marriage work, they had to be honest. About everything. And he simply could not lose her. He wouldn't be able to survive it.
"Before your bond hearing, Lowen told me that you didn't want to see me or for me to be at your hearing," he swallowed harshly, his voice gritty from the tears, both shed and unshed. He tightened his grip on her again. He wanted to anchor himself to her in case she tried pushing him away. "That day, before you were released, I ugh," he took a deep breath, "I was with that woman you found me with."
Like he thought, she released him snorting loudly, "Of course you were. Your wife's in jail for accessory to murder and you had to find the nearest warm body to make you feel good…." She couldn't keep the snark to herself.
He wasn't letting her go though, "I fucked up baby, I know. God do I know. You've hurt me too. We've both done some terrible shit to each other in the last year," he looked up to her, "But isn't that what we were doing here? What you say we need counseling for? So we can talk to each other again?"
Her lip quivering, she looked down into his pleading eyes, she agreed, "You're right. But I'm still mad at you," she said stubbornly.
"I can live with that. What I can't live without is YOU," he stressed, "I'm also a bit mad at you," he admitted. He felt her relax a bit.
They would be okay.
"You need to go file a harassment complaint, babe," Jax encouraged from his crouched position on the floor, "And I need to stand up," he grunted as he slowly stood up, "Damn I'm gettin' old," he dramatized as he bent and twisted his back to loosen up a bit.
"Jax Teller law abiding citizen?" she quirked her eyebrow at him, standing up with him, her arm going around his waist.
He scoffed, "Nah babe, Jax Teller husband whose wife has an honest-to-goodness job that he knows she loves, and understands that certain rules do apply. If they can't stop then you know I WILL," he bent down, his hands moving up to caress her jaw and kissed her softly, "I love you, babe. We're going to be okay."
"I love you too, baby," she promised, because she did. She was hurt, but she loved him. Her heart, mind and soul didn't know how not to. She wasn't naive enough to think love could fix everything. But time, commitment and hard work just might.
She let her hands move up to his elbows and forearms, remembering why he was there and what lead to all this, "What happened?"
Sighing loudly, he ran his hand through his hair, "Fucking Niners, I think. They caught me off guard. I dumped my bike, emptied a few clips but shook them somewhere between Stockton and Lodi. I have no idea why they were this far east. Maybe it was someone trying to make names for themselves taking out the Sons President, but I wasn't about to lead them to you."
"Shit…." She sighed out, "Are you in danger?"
"Do you even have to ask?" he quirked an eyebrow at her, "I'm made of fucking steel, baby."
She chuckled bitterly, "At times, certain areas of you are made of velvet steel. The parts I need and want," she touched his chest indicating his heart and his head indicating his mind, "are not."
"The next session we will go together, incognito, okay?" he promised. Letting her know that he was still willing to do this.
"How often has this guy bothered you?" He wasn't sure if he wanted the answer.
"Honestly, I don't see him all that often," she admitted, "but he just gives me the chills or creeps and makes me feel very uncomfortable. He reminds me of…" she trailed off, "I can deal with it."
"Tara," Jax sighed, if this guy gave her the Kohn type creeps he would deal with him, but this was also her career. "You shouldn't HAVE to deal with it," he tilted her head up with his thumb so he could look her in the eye, "Trust me babe, as weird as it sounds for me to say this shit, it feels as weird for me to think it. I know you love your job, and I KNOW you are very good at that job, so I'm gonna play by the rules. There are law's that professionals have abide by," he slung his arm low on her waist pulling her close, "If he doesn't want to abide by those laws, you're outlaw old man will show him the SAM-fucking-CRO way."
She nodded her head in agreement, "Let's go."