Taking in the sight of the small, pathetic and frail-looking child before him whilst pinching his forehead in a futile attempt to combat an oncoming headache, Blitzo shot his smaller employee a tired glare as Moxxie was currently doing his best to protect their confused-looking target.
Almost as soon as Loona had revealed that there was indeed a child behind the locked cupboard door (which Blitzo assumed was some kind of bizarre safe room that the horse-faced bitch had shoved her son into before answering the door) Moxxie had immediately put his guns away and gone towards the kid. Rather than doing his actual job however and terminating the target, Blitzo could only watch in dismay as his white-haired employee was now checking over the little bastard the same way a hospital nurse would.
"Oh for fuck's sake, not THIS again Moxxie." he said in an exasperated tone. "Look, if it makes you feel any better, our client says the kid you're fawning over is a bullying little asshole whose parents encourage his destructive behavior. So just let Looney do the job you're too cowardly to do, and we can be back in the office in time for lun-"
"I'm NOT killing the kid Blitz." Loona stated firmly, a slight growl entering her voice at the end as she stood off to the side with her arms crossed and watching the other imp interact with the messy-haired child.
Gaping in a manner that was similar to a fish, though it had more to do with the fact that his precious adopted daughter/receptionist hadn't been moving to impress him with her killing skills for once, the former circus performer poked a finger into his ear and wiggled it around as he shot Loona a hesitant smile.
"I...I'm sorry. I must've gotten something stuck in my ear since it sounded like you're refusing to kill such an easy target, Loony." Blitzo said with an awkward chuckle, trying to ensure he wasn't going either insane or experiencing the end times.
Ignoring the look of irritation Moxxie shot at him as the scrawny child let out an understandable gasp of surprise, Blitzo released his own irritated groan at the rare sight of cooperation as Loona of all demons walked in front of the cupboard to cover both the human and Moxxie. The hellhound looked back to watch as the imp was attempting to calm the child, who was looking more anxious and had yet to say anything.
"She said she's not killing the kid sir." Moxxie deadpanned, motioning for the boy to get behind him. "And while I for one am surprised by her sudden compassionate growth, I think that-"
"Oh, shut the fuck up Mox! Nobody here cares what you think!" Blitzo exclaimed, his eyes twitching with aggravation. "But hey, you know what! FINE! Whatever! If the two of you have issues killing the son of a human-shaped walrus and his stick-figured wife, I guess I'll just have to do it myself!"
Aiming his slightly antiquated, but nevertheless beloved pistol at the child, who had unwisely peaked behind the younger imp to see what was going on, Blitzo found he was unable to take the shot thanks to the lightning quick reflexes of the pony-tailed hellhound, who pressed her palm over the barrel and held it in place with her superior strength.
"You're not FUCKING killing the kid. Blitzo!" Loona practically snarled, shocking her boss and coworker as the sudden level of protectiveness she had grown.
A whimper of fear left the kid and Loona looked back worriedly as she witnessed them clutching onto Moxxie's shoulders tightly, although the white-haired imp didn't seem to mind too much as he placed his own hand on the child's.
Shooting Loona a pleading and exasperated look, the well-dressed imp tried his best to make her see reason.
"Oh come on Loona! If I don't kill the kid, our client is gonna give us a shitty review! And I for one want us to go at least a week without having our company earn less than a three-star rating. Besides, if you think about it, it's a mercy killing after what we did to his parents."
His words earning an unimpressed scoff from both Loona and his fellow employee, Blitzo rolled his eyes in disbelief as Moxxie once again proved himself to be a fucking idiot.
"And how do you figure that sir?" Moxxie asked, eyes growing half-lidded whilst occasionally shooting glances back to the scared child behind him.
Deciding to indulge his bowtie-wearing employee for once, if only because he had a chance to convince Loona to move out of the way when lining up his shot, Blitzo took in a deep breath and put on the most sincere-looking expression he could muster (which wasn't much, all things considered.)
"Simple. By killing the neighborhood bully, we ensure that dozens of innocent yet weaker children don't have to spend their school days living in fear from a kid who can't decide if he wants to steal their lunch money or indulge in the type of activity that would send an adult to prison. Is that what you want to do Moxxie?" he said with a forced quiver to his lip that only made said imp roll his eyes. "You want to subject these human children to hunger and wedgies?"
Using the same guilt-inducing tone he had once used when Moxxie had dared to crush his dreams of adding a bit of musical theatre into their work, the founder of I.M.P. was momentarily caught off guard when the previously quiet human decided to abruptly join the conversation.
"Ummm…excuse me, sir." said the child, who flinched upon seeing all the strange-looking creatures glancing in his direction. "I've uuuuh...I've never actually done any of those things."
Though slightly impressed that the kid had some manners, if only because the last few human children he had dealt with had either been insulting assholes or serial-killing hillbillies, Blitzo only snorted with derision at the boy's claim. Meanwhile both Moxxie and Loona shot each other a look of understanding for once as they narrowed their eyes in suspicion, followed by Loona sniffing the air intently and grimacing suddenly.
"Oh haha, that's a likely story kiddo. Class act really with the whole 'small innocent child routine,' but I've been told from a reputable source that there's a 'Dudley Dursley' here, and that he's nothing more than a obese parasitic menace in this neighborhood."
Blitzo reached into his coat and pulled out the papers detailing their mission parameters, but then did a double-take, looking between the kid and the file with confusion before shrugging.
"Granted, the intel about your weight was clearly wrong, but I'm sure that the rest here is completely accurate. So just step out from behind my tiny-dicked employee and take your bullet like a-"
"The fat kid is upstairs Blitz." the hellhound stated out of nowhere in a deadpan voice.
Slightly pouting at Loona's interruption, the Imp nevertheless didn't allow it to affect him for long and glanced towards her with bewilderment.
"Wait what? Really?" Blitzo asked, bringing up the file yet again.
His question merely earned a less than impressed nod from his adopted daughter, who crossed her arms and motioned for him to follow her as they trudged towards the stairs. Moxxie stayed where he was and gave the clearly unnerved child a sympathetic look in the meantime.
"Yeah. Hard to miss the sounds of shaking fat when they're currently hiding in a bathroom. Oh and FYI, the little shit soiled himself after you killed his fatass of a father."
Stick his tongue out in disgust, for if there was one thing Blitzo hated about killing children, it was that they had a higher chance of pissing or shitting themselves before they met their untimely ends. Blitzo found himself begrudgingly nodding his head in acknowledgment as Moxxie turned an annoyed glare towards the hellhound.
"If that's true, then why the fuck didn't you tell us sooner?!" he exclaimed, albeit covering the boy's ears so they wouldn't hear him curse.
At this, Loona merely raised an eyebrow to show that she was unaffected by her co-worker's anger.
"Because needle-dick, I thought that by stalling, the little shit-stain would have enough time and smarts to change into a pair of clean underwear. Clearly, I was wrong." she growled, huffing to get the stench out of her nose.
Fully supporting Loona's decision, for he would never want to subject his daughter to any situation where her canine nature put her at a disadvantage, and knowing that Moxxie would be the usually overly sensitive shit that he was, Blitzo released his own huff of annoyance.
"Oh goddammit…FINE! I'll go deal with him. You and Moxxie deal with setting the fucking scene!" he shouted, trudging up the stairs with his gun drawn and ready to kill.
…
Wisely deciding to remain silent as he watched the coolly-dressed demon march up the stairs, Harry's attention was drawn upwards as the mean-looking canine lady asked him a question much to his surprise.
"So what is she to you? Foster mom? Illegal employer"? The furry woman questioned, gesturing with her paw towards I.M.P's first victim in the household.
Taking a moment to direct his gaze towards his heavily bleeding aunt, whose usually dismissive gaze had been replaced with one of desperation, the underfed eight-year-old answered the question without the need for further prompting.
"She's…my aunt."
Doing his best not to flinch as the canine's red eyes narrowed with displeasure, Harry was pleased by the nicer, if somewhat more goofy-looking demon's gentle attempt to talk with him.
"Why were you hiding in the cupboard, little one?"
At this point, the little raven-haired boy knew he had a choice to make.
On the one hand, he could answer that question with the calculated and false response that he'd been forced to give ever since his relatives couldn't hide the fact that they were looking after him.
Or…he could tell the truth.
And despite these people's odd appearances and their openly displayed weapons, Harry Potter found that somehow, he felt safer with them than he had ever felt with his relatives.
So in the end, it was an easy choice.
"I live there." he answered nervously. Harry's concern was justified as both the canine and the weird red-skinned creature looked at him in shock and then the cupboard he'd pointed to.
"WHAT?!" Moxxie shouted in outraged disbelief.
"GRRRRRRRRR!" The canine growled, clenching her fists as her red eyes glowed a bright red to the point where it was hard to see her pupils anymore.
Flinching at the reactions of his two saviors/potential executioners, though he had been more startled by the sudden yelling instead of the dog girl's angry growling, Harry was prevented from explaining further thanks to the cheerful whistling of the returning demon.
"Good news everyone! That fat little shit stain managed to accidentally kill himself while hiding in the bathroom. Stupid little idiot slipped on a puddle of his own piss and cracked his head open on the edge of the bathtub. A little pathetic if you ask me, but it does save money on bullets. So what'd I miss?" Blitzo said, crossing his arms and grinning, only for it to falter at the agitated expressions of his employees.
Choosing to ignore the stab of fear at the knowledge that his cousin Dudley was dead in favor of the knowledge that the demon had more than enough ammo left to kill him, especially since it appeared that they were in no hurry to finish off his weakly struggling aunt who was quietly sobbing on the floor, for the first time in years, Harry Potter felt a tiny spark of hope alight in his chest as the more deadly-looking female canine spoke four words that made his heart leap in excitement.
"We're taking the kid." Loona said stiffly, before walking over to Harry's aunt, gripping the woman's head in both claws, and twisting it 180 degrees with a loud *CRACK!*
Blitzo, Moxxie and Harry all stared at the gruesome sight in amazement, before the leader of I.M.P. pinched the bridge between his nose and sighed heavily.
"Well, there goes our bonus." he muttered.
...
Though Millie had initially disliked being left behind to tend the office phone, if only because the only one who called had been the Goetia Demon whose interest in her boss ranged from flirtatious to full-on creepy, the female imp had nevertheless found herself enjoying her brief moment of solitude in the company headquarters.
Millie loved her husband dearly, and wouldn't hesitate to brutally butcher anyone who harmed a single hair on her darling Moxxie's head.
But not having to keep him from lashing out at their boss, or getting into arguments with their sarcastic and lazy canine co-worker was proving to be a nice little vacation.
However, as soon as she got the call to draw the return portal, she faithfully carried out the request without hesitation.
For not only had Blitzo's tone on the phone been less than happy, but her ears couldn't pick up the usual bickering that always happened whenever her boss decided to bring both Moxxie and Loona with him on a job together, a combination that usually resulted in disaster.
All of which could only mean one of two things: either her precious Moxxie had once again been injured on the job, something that was understandable since a good portion of their targets had access to tools that would allow them to put up a fight for their lives, or they had failed to kill their target, with most of the blame being directed towards her husband since he still had some issues with how they operated.
Either one was bad. But until her co-workers were back in a realm where death was only permanent if one had access to a divine angelic weapon, she would hope for the best while preparing for the worst.
But what Millie couldn't prepare for was the sight of a cute eight-year-old human child falling face first as he stepped out of the portal.
And while she was confused as to why there even was a human child here, Millie was even more confused by the sight of the usually antagonistic Hellhound coming through the portal, eyes widening in concern, and immediately helping the messy-haired child get back on his feet.
"Uuuuuuh…Loona. Care to explain what's going on?"
Unsurprised by her fellow female's decision to ignore her question, the black-haired imp found her attention being focused towards her nervous-looking husband as their boss angrily answered her question as soon as he stomped through the portal.
Albeit in a manner that not only left her with further questions, but also caused Loona to growl in irritation while Moxxie cringed.
"Congratulations Millie," Blitzo said sarcastically. "It's a boy!"
...
Once again a big thanks to Nightfury994 for editing my vision lmao.