While I have not finished Chapter 25 yet, I've been trying to push through my writer's block to get this story finished for all of my lovely readers. I'm sorry you've all had to wait so long to reach the end. I didn't plan for that to happen. So I've gotten this chapter where I'm satisfied with it (based on what happened in the previous chapter) and decided to go ahead a post it. I'll let you guys know if anything happens in 25 that changes this. But without further ado...
Chapter 26: Growing Pains
Asking Aslan to break the curse was not easy. It was the more painful of the two choices. For several days Ana awoke daily from sharp pains rippling throughout her body. Some days the pain was so intense she couldn't even make a sound. Other times it took everything in her not to cry out and draw attention to herself. But everyone knew something was wrong. She would go hours without moving, without eating. If she wasn't in such agony, Ana would've tried to ignore it and pretend that everything was alright. But it was too much effort to do so.
She couldn't even keep track of how many days had passed. It could've been weeks since she had been outside the room. All she knew was the daily, agonizing pain.
Sometimes the pain lasted only a few hours. Other times, it lasted the whole day. Those were the worst as Ana oftentimes found herself crying from the pain. And she would spend the whole night awake from it. The mornings brought her no relief and she silently pleaded for the pain to end.
The other women tried to help, tried to figure out what was wrong, but there was nothing they could do. Nothing would take this kind of pain away. The pain of having something stripped from you and forcing your body to undergo several changes at once. This was something she had to go through alone. She couldn't move, couldn't leave the room, and therefore hadn't seen Caspian in days. Ana knew he had to be worried but he wouldn't barge into the room just to see her. She thought his presence might bring her some comfort. A little reminder that this pain was all worth it. But she couldn't bring herself to move and seek him out. So she continued to suffer on her own, her mind hazy from the pain.
In her moments of clarity, she wondered what the women had told Caspian, what rumors had started to spread about her. She knew people tended to gossip so he had to have some idea what was going on. How much was said and—more importantly—how much was true Ana couldn't say. She wished she could explain things to him, but she didn't have the energy to move. Her mind was only clear long enough to focus on one problem at a time. An explanation would just have to wait until things were better. Ana hoped he would understand that she wasn't purposefully avoiding or keeping secrets from him.
After what felt like an eternity, Ana awoke to no pain. The pain had started to subside overnight and she was finally able to get some decent sleep. So when she opened her eyes the following morning, she was pleasantly pleased to be pain-free. She sat up slowly and cast her eyes about the cabin. Several women were still present, but many had left the room already. Those present noticed her slight movement immediately, all heads turning in her direction. Embarrassed, Ana cast her eyes to the blankets in her lap but felt a small smile tugging at her lips. A bunch of strangers had been concerned about her and were now watching her critically.
Ana let out a small sigh and slowly started to stretch. She was testing herself. Trying to gauge how much she could move about before feeling discomfort or pain. Nothing happened so she stretched a little more. Again, nothing. But the action felt wonderful. She was so stiff and achy from not being able to move much the last few days. So she continued to stretch and when she felt she was suitable, Ana stood about. She didn't feel wobbly or unsteady so she carefully started to move about the cabin, cautious of the other women present.
She found her boots, ready to make an appearance outside. Some fresh would do her good. But Ana halted before she even made it halfway across the cabin. She realized what she really needed was a good wash and a change of clothes. She felt dirty and knew she couldn't look the best after spending several days in bed. Embarrassed, she looked around again wondering just how she was going to manage that. They were on a ship in the middle of the sea with absolutely no privacy. Ana wasn't one to care too much about her appearance but did appreciate basic hygiene. She also suddenly felt super self-conscious about making an appearance outside the cabin in her current state.
"You look fine," one of the women spoke up, seeming to recognize her plight. Ana looked at her and she smiled. "All things considered... You are starting to look like a sack of bones though. I would consider getting some food in your system before anything else. I'm sure everyone understands..."
"H-how long have I been..." Ana began but was unsure how to phrase the question. She stepped closer to talk to the woman. "How long has it been since I've been outside?"
She pushed the book she was reading aside. "It's been nearly a week, miss. We've all been worried about you..."
"I-I know. And I'm sorry... If I had known this was going to happen, I would've warned everyone."
"What did happen?"
"I-It's kind of hard to explain..."
"We've got time," the woman said, smiling.
Ana chuckled a little. "I'm sure... But the story starts a long time ago and I'll have to go into a lot of details about my past."
"I see... We're not that familiar yet." The woman seemed to understand that Ana wasn't comfortable opening up to strangers.
"Unfortunately, no. Not yet at least. But I'm sure we will eventually. But before then... I need to speak to the others first. Assure them that I'm alright."
"Of course! I understand. King Caspian has been inquiring about you, but no one knew what to tell him."
Ana knew he had to be worried out of his mind. She didn't shut herself away or close herself off unless something was wrong. So Caspian had to be deeply concerned about what was going on. And even more so when he realized he couldn't help her through it. The others... well Ana wasn't as close with any of the remaining sailors. She knew they cared about her, as she did them, but the relationship was different among the rest of the crew members. It made her realize just how alone she was without her friends—her family.
She felt someone nudge her arm and looked at the lady next to her. "I wouldn't keep him waiting. You two seem close. Closer than the others that is."
Ana felt her cheeks grow red at her comment. She hoped it wasn't that obvious that there was something between them. "Well... We look out for each other."
The Lady only smiled and Ana stood up, making her way to the door. She glanced over her shoulder at the woman who was still watching her.
"I never caught your name," Ana stated.
"Eleanor," the woman replied, grinning even more.
Ana smiled back and then quickly exited the crowded cabin.
꧁𝑽𝒐𝒚𝒂𝒈𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑫𝒂𝒘𝒏 𝑻𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 ꧂
Outside her cabin, the hall was empty. But Ana could tell just by the voices that there were a lot of people on deck. Not that she should've expected less. If the people weren't inside the cabins, then they had to be on deck. It made Ana want to retreat inside just so she didn't have to face anyone else. But she knew she had to find Caspian. So she steeled herself and walked towards the doors leading outside the Stern.
Before she could, the doors flung open. Ana was taken aback as she did not hear anyone approaching. However, she was relieved to see it was Caspian and glad she did not have to seek him out. He seemed equally surprised to see her, blinking a few times as if he thought he was imagining it. Without a word, he quickly grabbed her by the arm and began pulling her towards the Stateroom. Ana went willingly, although she noted this was starting to become a habit. Caspian dragging her places.
He opened the doors and quickly looked around. Several women were still gathered in the Stateroom. Ana noted that he looked slightly embarrassed, possibly because he didn't think to knock. But he cleared his throat and all the women turned to look at him.
"Could we have the room please, ladies?" Caspian asked. Several nodded in response while others simply stood to clear the room.
Caspian stepped aside to allow the woman to pass. Ana was forced to follow. His hand was still around Ana's arm so she couldn't leave even if she wanted to. It was as if he was afraid letting go would suddenly cause her to vanish. But she didn't mind as his grip wasn't tight. He wasn't hurting her, merely afraid of losing her.
Once all the women had vacated, Caspian shut the doors. Only then did he release his grip on Ana. His back remained to her as he rested his head on one of his arms against the door. The other still gripped the handle. Ana studied him and noted he looked weary and exhausted. Though she couldn't see his face very well now, she had noticed bags under his eyes earlier. She assumed he hadn't gotten much sleep, if any, once word spread that she was unwell.
Ana reached out a hand to touch him, but it fell to her side when she realized she didn't know what to do. He needed something—comfort, reassurance, an explanation—but Ana found she didn't have the words. She didn't know what to say to relieve the burden he was carrying. But she knew she was the one who put it there.
"Caspian..." she said softly, reaching out to pull his hand away from the door. "I-I'm sorry..." He finally looked at her, a question on his lips but she quickly went on. "I didn't mean to make you worry. Believe me, if I knew what was going to happen—when it was going to happen, I would've told you. But by the time I realized it was too late. I couldn't come to you no matter how much I wanted to."
He was studying her, trying to decipher if there was a lie. But she wouldn't do that to him. Not about something so important. Caspian quickly came to the same conclusion and he sighed. It seemed just that simple confession had lifted a weight off his shoulders. He had thought she was still hiding things from him and she felt guilty about not being able to come to him.
Ana took his hand and guided him away from the door. Caspian silently followed and even sat down on the bed of his own accord, revealing how tired he was. He had been bogged down with worry that it had prevented him from sleeping. Once this was finished, Ana would ensure he rested properly. But neither knew that would happen until this discussion was done and both parties were satisfied.
She watched him carefully as he relaxed and eventually looked at her. Both knew the question he would ask but Ana wanted to make sure he was ready before she continued her explanation.
"A-are you alright?" Caspian asked, his eyes roaming her small frame. She knew he noticed how much weight she had lost in such a short time. He moved a bit on the bed and gestured for her to sit. It felt too formal for her to be standing before him while he sat.
Ana complied. "I am now," she answered, choosing to look at the floorboards instead of him. "Or at least... I think I will be."
"What happened?" His voice was pleading. "The first day I didn't see you, I assumed you were catching up on some much-needed rest. I wasn't worried. Not until I overheard some of the women saying that you were not well. I tried to inquire as to what they meant, but no one would—or perhaps couldn't—tell me what was wrong. And I knew better than to intrude if you truly just needed space. I had hoped you would come to me eventually but after nearly a week, you never showed. And I can see you haven't been eating either. So... can you explain to me what exactly was going on?"
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him shift his gaze so that he could study her more carefully. Ana held back a sigh as she lifted her gaze from the floor to stare out among the cabin. After a brief pause, she turned her head to look at him and their eyes met.
"It's the consequences of my decision," she answered. "My magic kept me from growing, from aging. When Aslan took that part from me, I knew there would be consequences for that. And I knew it would hurt. I just didn't realize how painful it would be. I have years of growing to make up for and my body's adjusting to the changes. I-I couldn't move, couldn't eat. Just breathing hurt. The pain was unimaginable, one of the worst things I felt in my life. I can't even describe how it felt because there are no words for it. But there wasn't a single part of my body that didn't hurt.
"I wanted to come to you so badly but I didn't have the strength to get out of bed. The ladies tried but there was nothing they could do to help. There was nothing you could've done to help either, but I wanted you there. I was in so much pain that all I wanted to do was sleep and I couldn't even do that. This morning was the first day I awoke to no pain... And I hope that that part is all over with. I don't want to go through it again."
"I'm sorry," Caspian said softly and she raised an eyebrow questioningly. "That sounds horrible and I'm sorry you had to go through it alone. I wish there was something I could've done..."
Ana placed a hand on his shoulder. "There was nothing to be done. But having you near might have made me feel a little better." She dropped her hand and looked away. "But that was probably just me being selfish..."
She knew the only reason she wanted him there was as a small comfort. No medicine or person could actually alleviate what she felt during those last few days. Only Aslan could and she suspected He was the reason she had the few moments of reprieve that she did. Ana wouldn't ask him for any more as He had already given her more than she could ever ask for. A chance to finally be happy.
"What are you smiling about?" Caspian asked, confused. She had gotten lost in thought and didn't realize she had been smiling.
"Oh... I was just thinking..." she replied. "Despite everything that I have to go through this is the most selfish I've been. I made a choice that affects my life and no one else's. I put myself first for once."
"Most people when they think selfishly and this happened, wouldn't be so happy about it..."
"Well, I wouldn't say I'm happy with the consequences right now. But I know it's the only way that this," she gestured between them, unsure what to call it, "would work. Nothing good ever comes easy. We all have to work at it and fight for it. And I want this to work. So I'm willing to suffer for a few days, maybe even weeks, if that means that we can be together."
Caspian smiled softly at her admission. "I'm glad you feel the same. I am merely sorry that you have to suffer alone. No one should have to."
Ana fought not to roll her eyes. "Now who's apologizing for things they can't control?"
Caspian chuckled. "Someone's feeling better."
She shrugged. "I'm as well as I can be right now. But I hope this whole debacle is done and I can work on getting better. I need food and proper rest. Neither of which I can do if I'm going to be in pain again."
He nodded and stood up, pulling Ana to her feet as he did. "You should do that while you're feeling better. Take what good you can get while you can."
"I will if you will." He tilted his head at her as if she had said something crazy. This time, she did roll her eyes. "Come on, Caspian. Give me some credit. Even a blind man can tell you haven't slept hardly at all. Part of me doubts you've eaten either." She crossed her arms, almost daring him to challenge her on that.
"Alright. You've caught me. I've been worried sick about you and I've started losing sleep. But now that I know what's going on, I will be able to rest easier. I'll be able to sleep a lot better when we finally get off this crowded ship!"
"We all will," Ana agreed. "In the meantime, we best get the most rest we can." She headed for the door but Caspian didn't move. "I'm going to see if I can get some food. Why don't you stay here and sleep a little?" He started to protest but she quickly continued. "It's quiet right now and I can make sure you're not disturbed for a bit. I'll tell all the women they'll have to find somewhere else to hang out for now. I'm sure they won't mind terribly. You are the King after all and they vacated the room without protest."
Caspian couldn't argue with her reasoning. It might do him some good to take a nap in a decent bed for a change. He had been sleeping in a cot for far longer than he should've. Being the King, that is. He was sure a bed would've been offered sooner if he had asked. But he didn't want to impose or kick anyone out so he never did. However, as Ana pointed out, the room was already empty so there was no reason he couldn't stay a little longer.
So he conceded and nodded his head in agreement. The corners of Ana's mouth turned up in a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. She was happy, but much too tired to show much expression. But curse it all if she wasn't still beautiful despite that. She needed to take care of herself and here she was worried about him. It only made him love her more.
"I'll have some food sent for you as well," Ana said as he settled back on the bed. "Rest and it will be here when you wake up."
He could only yawn in response and didn't hear her leave. Before his head hit the pillow he was fast asleep. Caspian didn't even stir when Ana returned just a little while later with enough more than food for the both of them. Smiling at his sleeping frame, she took some food from the tray and crept back to her own chambers. Both Drinian and the women had been informed not to disturb the King until he returned to the main deck. They all seemed to understand that he was catching up on some much-needed rest.
Satisfied with that, Ana returned to taking care of her own well-being. They would all be just fine.
I kind of pulled from personal experience when describing Ana's pain. Her pain is everywhere while mine was localized and it's a little more exaggerated here than it was for me. But being in so much pain that all she wants to do is sleep and not being able to, unable to eat, is so relatable. And being unable to really describe the pain she's in.