Chapter 21- Oak Peacewood
Even though I've been trying not to fall asleep, I keep nodding off, my head knocking against Aldar's shoulder. Between his apologies, his promise to help me find Katya, and my forgiveness, we're friends again, and I'm happier for it. With Tulsee gone, I'm glad to have someone on my side, somebody who will help me find my sister.
The train's been going uphill for a long time, almost as though we're going up a mountain- which we probably are. The Capitol is located behind the mountains; the same mountains that were impossible to cross in the war.
"We'll be there soon," Aldar mutters; he's not asleep either. We're both sitting side by side under my quilt, the quilt that Katya and I made so long ago.
"Yeah," I whisper back. I don't know how I feel about being back here. The Capitol. All I know is that I'm going to escape again, and this time I'm going to get Katya out.
This feels different than the end of the last train ride I took, alongside my mother. I really hope that this time things will work out better than they did before. Otherwise, without my mother, my father, Katya, Aldar- what world is left for me?
"Get down, Oak. Can't let them see us," Mom says, grabbing my shoulder and pushing me behind some crates that are stacked at the back of the train car. Around me, the others are doing the same, pulling tarps and crates over themselves and the guns they're holding.
Even though she's Sky Peacewood, and this mission's leader, she's still my mother. As we settle in behind a tower of crates, she holds me close, like I'm still seven years old and scared of the dark. I'm not scared now; I'm not scared of anything. We're going to bring freedom to the districts!
But I lean against her anyway, loving the closeness. There's a stark juxtaposition between the guns we hold and the shaking train under us, and the way Mom strokes my hair, slowly and quietly. I think she must be nervous; so much rests on her shoulders. This whole mission and its success depend on her careful planning.
"I love you," she whispers in my ear just before the train begins to slow. I tense, gripping my gun tighter. She squeezes me once, then lets me go; we sit close together still, just ready to get out when we need to. We're supposed to get into the Capitol, since this is a train full of supplies for them. We've starved them, we've fought them for three years now; they're bound to let us in.
The train shudders once, and stops. All time stops too; I barely breathe as the tension grows and grows. Mom places her hand on my shoulder, squeezes gently, then stands up. Moving around the crates, she makes her way over to the door. A man, Aris Morton, joins her and pulls the door open slightly.
"We're outside," Mom says quietly, looking through the cracked door. "They didn't let us in."
"What do you say, Sky?" Aris asks gravely.
"We've come this far," Mom says, turning back to look at me while she bites her lip. She's not thinking of turning back, is she? We can't! We promised Katya we'd come, we've been planning this for months!
"We're here, let's give the Capitol hell," Evie says, peering out from under a green tarp.
"I'm not going to let my people die for no reason," Mom says.
"Let's just go! They don't know we're here, we'll take them by surprise. That was the plan anyway," Kirsti says, pushing the tarp off of her completely. "Everybody's waiting for the order, Sky."
Mom looks at all of us silently, then nods. "Same plan. They don't know we're here, they think we're supplies. Get out there, kill as many of them as you can, get into the city itself at any cost. They're not going to have much in the way of weapons after three years."
She straightens up and holds her head high, truly becoming Sky Peacewood, District 7 leader. The woman who I'm proud to call my mother. "We've come to bring freedom to us all, and end the tyranny we've been living under our whole lives. There was a time before this Panem, and there will be a time after. This time, we're going to make a better world for all of us."
"Here, here," Evie says, cracking a lopsided smile. I stand up and adjust my gun in my hand. My hair, tied back so tight my scalp twitches, swings down my back.
"On your command," I say, nodding to my mother who has morphed into my commander. She smiles at me, the smile she only gives me and Katya, and nods back.
A pause.
Then Mom throws the door open and shouts, "Now!"
And we all run out of the train car and jump into the unknown.
"We're slowing down!" Osa cries, bringing me back to the present.
My mother is dead, the mission failed, and now I'm about to leave another train into the unknown.
Aldar grips my arm urgently and starts whispering in my ear. "It's going to be dark, they're not going to be able to keep track of all of us. I'll distract them and you slip away. Got it?"
It's funny to be taking orders from Aldar. I hated when he would tell me what to do when we were kids, and once I got into the rebellion, I would only take commands from my parents.
Now, I'll do anything if it means I get out of the Capitol with my sister, and alive.
"Well, this is it," Rigg says. "Good travelling with you all."
Sanguin laughs harshly, and so does Volt. "Yeah, good travelling with the rest of you. Now let's kill each other," the boy from District 3 says.
"I'm not killing anyone," Cass says quietly.
"Then I'll see you in Hades," Volt replies. Keek and Aldera start their crying again, interspersed with desperate coughing from Aldera.
Willow lights her candle again; it's getting short from all the lightings since she got on board. The candlelight illuminates her dark, serious face. If all goes to plan, I'll never see her, or any of the others again.
They'll die, and I'll have to live with their ghosts haunting me forever.
"I still think you should come with me," I whisper to Aldar. "Isn't it supposed to be together?"
"I think you can go solo for once. You've gotten good at that," Aldar whispers back.
Did I, though? I was with my mother, and I was with Tulsee, and I'm with Aldar now, but I never want to go back to the Sap, living only with myself and my memories. I'd rather be dead than go back to District 7.
I guess the fantasy right now is finding Katya, getting out of the Capitol, and meeting up with Tulsee somewhere down the line. Us rebuilding the rebellion, or joining what's left of it. Then we'll bring down the Capitol and avenge my parents, everyone who died in the war, and the children in this train car, who will die for the crimes against the Capitol that I helped commit.
"You're going to get exactly what you deserve!" Beade crows, looking smugly over at the rest of us from her corner of loyalist idiots. The new girl, Curia, has joined them, looking like she rules the roost here. "You're going to see that loyalists come out on top!"
"Give it a rest, blondie!" Link says. "I can guarantee that the rebels are going to be able to fight better than you idiots who sat twiddling your thumbs through the war."
"Oh? Says who?"
"Says me," Link says smiling. "I was a rebel, I should know."
Beade opens her mouth to say something else, but Glow nudges her in the side. "Don't even bother. He's not worth it."
"I don't give a shit who's in here, I'm getting home," Buck says, holding his head in his hands.
"Going to put up a fight as soon as that door opens?" Aldar asks. Why's he provoking Buck? I'm not scared of him, but it's not a great idea either.
"I'll kill everyone in this city to get home!" Buck says, suddenly looking up at us, fire in his candlelit eyes. "And that includes anyone who comes to get us off this train."
"Perfect," Aldar says under his breath. And, all at once, I understand his plan.
The tension in the room makes time stretch out. Cass, Willow, and Osa sit as close together as they can manage, leaning on each other for support. It's been a long ride, and we're all thirsty and hungry. My hands shake when I hold them up, but I've been without food before. I'll be okay.
I worry about Cass, though. Thin as a twig, still clutching that rock that hit Osa. I can see a dark stain on its edge, and I want to tell her to let the rock drop, but I think the pain might be the only thing still anchoring her.
Around the edges, Cinder, Jet, and Lar all sit like limp pieces of lettuce, just waiting for whoever is fetching us to get them and move them along. There's no fight in any of them.
I'm sorry I can't save them. I'm sorry I can't save any of them. Well, maybe not Beade. Or Glow. But the rest of them.
If I make it out of here alive, I'll remember them the rest of my life. Somebody has to.
With a loud cranking sound, the train shudders to a stop. This is it, this is the moment when they see that we're uncuffed, we're tired and sore and sick, and that some of us are ready to fight. Me included.
"What's going to happen, Silver?" a high clear voice asks, and I know that it's the little girl Violet talking to her protector. Her blood is on my hands too; she's not going to leave the Capitol alive. Silver probably won't either.
Mom, I wish you were here. I wish you could tell me what to do and where to go. I wish you could tell me where I can find Katya.
I wish you hadn't died.
"I don't know, Vi," Silver replies quietly. The girl from District 1 is gentler now, no longer a loyalist. I still dislike her, but I have to admire her growth in these past few days. And I wish her luck in the days ahead.
"Better get ready," Aldar says. In the faint light from the candle I fumble with the quilt, tying it to Aldar's back instead.
"See that the younger ones get this, wherever you're going," I say in a low voice. I don't need it, not now.
"Oak-"
"Thank you for everything, Aldar," I interrupt. "I'm sorry things haven't worked out the way they should."
"I got my best friend back," Aldar says, faintly smiling. "That's all I need."
"Then good luck," I tell him, giving my best friend a quick hug.
Outside, I hear the sounds of heavy boots on pavement, and loud voices. I stand up, and so does Aldar; everyone else starts to stand too, grimly ready for whatever is going to come next. Willow blows out her candle for a final time, while Aldera can't even muster the strength to stand up.
The lock rattles and comes away.
Underneath me, the train clatters again, but I don't listen to it, don't even care how loud it is.
I'm alone, and everyone I cared about in the world is gone. The bombs blew, and now they're dead; my mother is dead, Katya's missing. I need to get back to District 7, I need to get home, and maybe my Dad will be waiting for me there, and Katya will come back and we can be together again, but my Mom is gone.
I left her, and everything we fought for, behind in a world full of flames.
The door slides open, and my heart hammers in my chest.
It's been months since the attack on the Capitol. Somehow, the other districts have kept the rebellion going, but it's only a matter of time before we lose.
I've already lost everything. My parents, both shot through the head onscreen before my eyes. Jack and Molly, our leaders at home, shot through the head. I haven't seen Aldar since the summer, since before the Capitol.
And Katya hasn't come for me, not yet. Where are you, Katya, where are you?
She's here, she's in the Capitol, I know it.
"Get up, get out!" a man yells from outside the train; slowly we all start to move our way towards the train entrance. Aldera still can't stand; a Peacekeeper reaches inside and hauls her out. Nobody seems to notice that most of us aren't cuffed; of course they're not the most observant bunch of people, now are they?
Osa, Cass, and Willow get out next, the three of them leaning on each other for support. Lar and Jet go next, weak as they are. Everyone's weak, except for me; I can't afford to be.
Aldar squeezes my hand tight, and I squeeze it back. I have to find Katya, but to do that I have to leave my best friend behind. So much lost time, so much hate that was wasted. My enemy, my only enemy has always been the Capitol, and I shouldn't have let them change my friendship with Aldar.
Sanguin stumbles out, making awful guttural noises as he goes. He's not all there, I can tell you that right now.
"Keep it moving, let's go!"
The loyalists move as one towards the door, heads held high, as though this is some great honor and not just a path to their deaths. I hate them, because they're the Capitol's puppets and they like it.
"I want to go home, Silver," Violet says quietly.
"Me too, but first we have to follow them," Silver replies, holding the little girl tight. She meets my eyes, and I nod to her. Keep her safe as long as you can, Silver, I think. I'll never see either of them again, if everything goes to plan.
Volt and Keek go, then Link, Cinder, and Rigg, until it's just Aldar, Buck and me in the car.
"Like hell I'm going with you!" Buck shouts, and jumps out of the car swinging his cuffed fists.
"Get him!" someone else yells from outside, and it's instant chaos; every Peacekeeper in the area swarms onto the boy from 11, everyone's attention is focused on him.
"Go," Aldar whispers. I don't get a chance to reply before he jumps out of the car too and goes right into the fray, becoming a distraction, my distraction.
For a split second I feel as though I'm on the roof of the train again, watching freedom slip away with every clatter of the rails. This time, though, I'm not turning freedom down. Outside the car, all eyes are still on Buck and Aldar, every camera and Peacekeeper and dog, and everything in between.
I run.