I don't know what happened, but all of a sudden, life was riding me a lot more than I was riding it. Time wasn't real anymore; I hadn't had a real conversation with almost anyone in over a month. So many tests and so many papers. I was losing track of the weeks. There were too many times when I would lay down on Friday only to wake up and it's Monday morning, and I'm rushing off to class for another week of absolute chaos.

Honestly, things were starting to pick up and I wasn't spending as much time with Paul as I would have liked. I started to get really busy with classes and it seemed like he was picking up more catering gigs to help us pay bills. While I was camped out at a coffee shop on 129th, my boyfriend was serving hor d'ourves at these fancy museums and parties for the rich on the Upper East Side.

But it's all fine though. Because I had a plan. During one of my study breaks, I found a cabin for the weekend in upstate New York for pretty cheap. I wanted to do it right. A whole weekend away, just the two of us. He could do his wolf thing whenever he needed to, and we could get back to how we used to do things before school started. I hadn't told him yet; I wanted it to be a surprise. I took care of everything; the Amtrak tickets, the cabin, the food. Everything. I even bought some lingerie for the occasion. It was going to be absolutely perfect.

If I never read The Aeneid again, it'll be too soon…I thought as I slammed the keys down on my keyboard. Just one more paper to check off the list for the semester. "Dido, unsure of her future, made multiple sacrifices to the gods to make herself heard…"

As I reached for my coffee mug with one hand, I sighed loudly as I flipped through the pages of my book with the other hand. My Americano was cold, a clear indication that I had been there for way too long. It was my third one that afternoon. Or was it my fourth? Who cares? My body was jittery from the inside out. Way too much espresso. I took another sip before my face turned up at the coolness on my tongue. Yanking my headphones out of my ears, I stood up to get my coffee reheated, keeping my face in my copy of The Aeneid. "Can you nuke this, please?" I asked the barista. He mumbled a 'sure' before grabbing my mug from me.

I sat back down and began typing again. "…her dedication to her late husband clashes with her sudden burning passion for Aeneas…" There was something about reading about someone's burning passion while the only thing you have burning are the hours in the day. I just don't know where all of my time was going.

The barista set my mug down in front of me along with a blueberry scone. I looked up at him. "On the house," he shrugged. "You've been here all day and haven't eaten anything."

"Oh! Thanks so much." I said, taking a sip of my coffee. It burned my tongue a little, but I didn't mind it. He nodded before walking away to go back behind the counter. I was about to put my face back in my computer when my eyes caught the time in the top right corner. 8:17. "Shit!" I exclaimed. Scanning the windows in the coffee shop only confirmed the obvious: it was fucking dark outside.

Without wasting another second, I jumped up to pack my bookbag. I left $20 on the table for the barista's tip after I wrapped the scone in a bunch of napkins and ran out the door. "Thanks! Have a good night!" I called.

If Paul was anything, he was patient. And I thanked my lucky stars every single day that he was. We had planned to go out with a few of his culinary school friends tonight and I was late. Like late late. Racing down the street, I held my hand out to hail a cab. The yellow cab stopped in front of me; I hopped in as I pulled my phone out of my pocket. "Lenox and 120th," I told the cabbie as I heard Paul pick up on the other end of the phone. "I'm so so so so sorry."

"It's alright, Lee," he said tenderly. "Are you on your way?"

"I'm in a cab right now. I'll be there in like 10 minutes. I need to shower really quick, and we can leave," I told him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Baby, it's fine," he chuckled. "Just get here safe."

"I love you," I swooned as I stressfully ran a hand through my hair.

"I love you too. See you soon."

The front door was ajar as I skipped steps to get to our fourth-floor walkup. I ripped off my jacket as I dropped my bag next to the door, slamming it shut. "I'm here!" I called. Paul popped his head out of the bedroom right as I pulled my shirt over my head. He already had the shower running for me. Grabbing his face, I popped a kiss on his lips. "Hi cutie," I grinned. His eyes twinkled as he looked down at me.

"Welcome home," he winked.

"How much time do I have?" I asked.

He shrugged, "Well, we were supposed to leave at 8:30 and it's…" he looked at his watch, "8:30, so…"

"Shit," I sighed, moving around him. "Alright, 5 minutes. 10 tops. I promise."

XXXXXXXXX

We hopped on a train to Dumbo to go to Oktoberfest. I was protected between the metal of the subway car and Paul's solid body. One of his hands casually gripped the pole over me while the other rested on my hip. I walked my fingers up his chest until I could reach to scratch the beard, he'd been growing in. "I have a surprise for you," I told him.

His eyebrow cocked in intrigue. "Is that so," he said.

"I bought us two train tickets to a very private cabin upstate for the rest of the weekend. Lots of trees, a hot tub, no cell service. You can…" I checked to see if anyone was listening, "go for your runs and we can get some proper alone time."

Paul grinned, "When did you have time to set this up?"

"I'm magic," I joked as we stepped off the train. "We leave first thing in the morning."

It had been almost 4 months since Paul had last phased and I could tell it was getting to him a little bit. He was a touch snappier; he needed more time outside. As patient as he was, you could tell there was something stirring inside him.

Oktoberfest ended up being a lot of fun. Now that it was starting to get chilly outside, it wasn't as crowded as I imagine it normally is toward the end of the summer. The group from the cooking school made it a mission to get one of everything and smorgasbord it on one of the picnic tables. Have you ever eaten with a bunch of culinary students? They sat there and analyzed everything. One of Paul's classmates, Kevin, reminded me so much of Jared, it was almost as if we were back home.

There was one little thing that took me by surprise that day. Paul had mentioned that his friend had recommended him for the catering job; I thought nothing of it at the time. Until I realized that his friend, Chris, was actually a Kris…tina. Kristina was this totally gorgeous edgy chick with piercings and tattoos. She also had a bubbly personality, a sweet smile, and a mischievous glint in her eyes at all times. In short, she pulled eyes wherever she went. I didn't want to say that 'jealous' word because there was nothing about this girl that said Paul's type. But…there was this little voice in my head that was running through every single 'type' of girl that Paul dated in high school. Edgy girl with tattoos wasn't one, but I could still see how it would be alluring. In short, she intimidated me.

Paul and a couple of people left the table to grab more food, leaving me and Kristina alone. Kristina slid next to me, "Hey," she smiled at me brightly. "Are you having fun?"

I wiped my mouth of any food before answering, "Oh my gosh, yeah, this has been awesome. Thanks for the invite."

"The invitation is open," she told me. "Paul is such a cool guy and I know it's been a tough adjustment for him."

Wait, what? I drew my eyebrows together as I turned to her. "What has?"

She gestured all around, "Just moving to New York and everything. I'm sure it's been hard for you too. He told me all about La Push and how different it is here than there. I think he said something about not feeling like himself lately or something. I mean, I'm sure I'm just telling you what you already know."

When I didn't say anything, Kristina tried to recover by saying, "I-I think he just said that in passing or something. I get it though, you know? I'm from the real trashy part of Oregon; this is like a whole new ballpark for me."

I can admit that we had been arguing a bit more than usual. Just about little things. Who's doing the dishes, leaving the lights on when no one's home, just in general misunderstanding each other. So this vacation would be the perfect thing for us. At least, I hoped so.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Paul stop in his tracks as he assessed what was happening at the table. Damn his good hearing. I couldn't acknowledge him right now though without drawing attention to how he could hear us from several yards away.

I cleared my throat, "Excuse me for a sec."

I started to get up, but Kris put her hand on my arm. "Oh shit, I put my foot in my mouth, didn't I? I'm really sorry, Leah. I didn't mean to upset you."

"What's going on?" Paul asked as he sat down across from me.

"Nothing," I assured him. I turned back to Kris and delivered the perfect pageant girl answer, "New York is definitely a complete culture shock for both of us, for sure. You didn't say anything wrong. I think we both just need to have a visit home. We miss it."

Paul glanced between the both of us. I picked up a cookie and bit into it. "We love New York though," he added. "Don't we, Lee?"

I nodded, giving him a tight smile. "Yup."

Was it possible that I was missing cues that suggested that Paul was unhappy? I knew we were far from home, but we had spent so much time talking about that. We worked so hard to get away from La Push, from the drama of it all. Maybe I was neglecting him in some way. I don't know…it was disheartening to hear that he was feeling homesick from someone I had just met.

I tried to shake it off as the conversation picked up again. Paul was shifting uncomfortably on the other side of the table as he attempted to make eye contact with me. I wasn't mad at him; I just wanted to go back and pay more attention to him. How were we living together, but I didn't know he was having a hard time?

When we left the fest, Paul and I were noticeably quieter. We hung to the back of the group, Paul's arm around my shoulders. I watched our feet as we stepped in sync until he slowed to a stop. "Hey," he said, tilting my chin up. "Why are you upset?"

"I'm not upset," I shook my head. "I'm just a little worried."

He smirked, "You are way too cute to be worried."

"Paul," I warned. "Be serious with me for a second."

He sighed as he looked down. I entwined our hands to show him that I wasn't mad at him, that I just wanted to understand. "I'm not unhappy," he told me.

"Would you tell me if you were?" I asked.

"Of course, I would, Lee," he answered quickly. "I think I'm just in my head a little bit about…everything."

"What do you mean, babe?" I stepped closer to him, leaning into his warm body.

He shrugged as he breathed me in. He looked me in the eye as he said, "I love our life here. You know that. It's just never what I expected for myself, and I have you and Harry and Sue to thank for that. You guys got me out. Sometimes it just gets me all messed in the head."

"You're overwhelmed," I concluded. He nodded in agreement. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He smirked again, "I didn't want you to worry."

"I'll always worry!" I exclaimed.

Paul chuckled as he pulled me in and kissed me on the forehead, "I know, Lee. But you don't have to," he reminded me. "Look, we've always been good about taking things day by day. Let's enjoy today and then we'll have all the time in the world to talk—or not talk—" he winked, "this weekend when we go upstate."

"Deal," I said, holding up my pinky. He hooked his through mine and gave me a full smile this time instead of his signature smirk. His eyes were sparkling like they always did when he looked at me. I hoped that never went away.

We started walking again to catch up with the group right as a few people went their separate ways to go home, and I could breathe a little easier. Now it was just me, Paul, and Kris. As we made our way to the train, we stopped again when Paul spotted something over my head. "Lee," he said. "Isn't that Adriana?"

I checked over my shoulder to see one of my photographs through a window flooded with lights on a crisp white wall. It was the one I used Paul for, to be specific. And real-life Adriana was standing right in front of it, her voluminous brown hair curled to perfection as she threw her head back and laughed at Julian Gerard who was standing right next to her. She placed a more than friendly hand on his bicep as she spoke. "Well, would you look at that. It is," I said.

As if she knew we were looking, Adriana caught my eye and she gasped. She princess ran in her heeled boots to the door. "Speak of the devil!" she called out as she held open the glass door. "Is it like fate that you're here right now?"

I stepped away from Paul to give Adriana a quick hug. "We just came from Oktoberfest. What are you doing out here?" I asked her.

"Oh, Julian and I went to have a drink and decided to stop by the gallery," she said, gesturing behind her with her perfectly curated charming smile. Adriana waved us all in, "Come inside! You can finally see the display!"

Walking into an art gallery is like walking into an otherworldly experience. Everything from the air to the way your shoes sound on the floor was different. The walls were perfectly white with sconces of brilliant light pointed to each blown of photo on the walls. Every single piece was in black and white. It was just a perfectly curated room from the second you walked in. "Whoa," Kris said. Couldn't have said it better myself.

"Isn't it gorgeous?" Adriana gushed.

"I'm pretty proud of it," Julian said finally, puffing his chest a little. "Miss Clearwater, good to see you again."

"Hi Professor Gerard," I greeted, stepping toward Paul a little insecurely.

"Still so formal, that's alright," he flashed a charming smile before he stuck his hand out to Paul. "Julian Gerard. Nice to meet you."

Paul raised an eyebrow before tentatively shaking his hand. "Yeah, we've met before, but sure, I'm Paul, Leah's boyfriend."

Julian shrugged it off before gesturing to the room. "So, what do you think?" he asked me.

I was a little speechless. There were 12 pieces displayed in the small gallery. 6 of them were mine. I ran a nervous hand through my hair as I walked around to study each of them. "This is…incredible," I admitted. Paul was right there behind me, squeezing my shoulders with pride.

"I told you your girlfriend's a genius," Adriana bragged. Paul laughed and agreed.

"I picked a few of my favorite of your pieces and blew them up to sell. Just like we talked about, you'll get the full sale value, not a penny less," Julian told me. I tensed a little at the mention of our conversation. There was still $375 burning a hole in my school bag. I had deposited half of the money into the bank to buy the tickets and book the cabin.

"Leah, you took these? They're amazing," Kris gasped, effectively shifting the focus.

"She's got a great eye, this one," Julian said. "When I showed the owner the proofs, he was floored. Demanded to know who was responsible for creating such provocative and vulnerable pieces. He's actually been begging to meet you, Leah."

"See that? My girl is in high demand," Paul teased lightly. I tried to be casual about brushing it off. I was on the border of feeling embarrassed by all this praise and attention.

I stopped in front of the shot of Adriana in the mirror. It was my favorite shot from that day. I felt so warm that I could see my art in this way; it was unlike anything I could have dreamt. When I was behind the camera, I was fulfilled. But I had always thought my art was just for me. Paul told me a long time ago, I should have been sharing it. Maybe he was right.

"I have the most perfect idea," Adriana said. She always did. "Why don't we arrange a brunch with the owner? How's tomorrow?"

"We can't," I said, sheepishly.

Adriana pouted, "Aww, why not?"

"Paul and I are going out of town tomorrow morning. We'll be gone all weekend."

"Oh my god, so much fun! Where are we going?" she pressed.

"Upstate," I answered vaguely.

She brightened before turning to Julian, "Don't you have a cabin upstate?" He nodded proudly. She let out a gasp, "What if we all went upstate this weekend? Make it a party!"

"No," I blurted. She looked at me funny. "I mean…" I caught myself, "that's so last minute. We're leaving first thing in the morning. I'm sure everyone has something else to do."

"I think it would be fun," Adriana insisted as she pouted.

"Maybe next time, Ana," I suggested.

"In the meantime, try to get on Kyle's schedule for next week, please," Julian said to Adriana. Almost like she was his assistant. I couldn't shake the feeling of him staring at me. I met his eye and gave a polite smile. "Where upstate?" he asked.

"South Cairo," I offered.

He made a face. "I don't think you'd like it there."

I didn't like the way Julian talked to people. As if he knew best. It just always rubbed me the wrong way. "Well, I won't know unless I go, huh?"

"Don't worry, Miss Clearwater, just trying to help," he held his hands up defensively, but that smirk on his face was incredibly irritating.

"I think you've helped enough, Professor Gerard. Thank you, though," I muttered as I turned back around to admire the art. I looked at Paul and asked, "Can we go?"

Paul's face was stone cold as he stared Julian down. He put his hand on my lower back as I started walking to the door. He had something to say, I could tell. But I knew he wouldn't. Paul wasn't the type to confront someone in front of people and he knew that Julian looked at everything like a game. We were all just little pieces in it.

Paul, Kris, and I were already out the door when I heard my name. Adriana came up to me and placed something in my hand. The metal was cold in my hand, causing me to look down. There were two keys on a ring sitting in my palm and a piece of paper. "Here's the address to Julian's place upstate. Trust me, it's worth it," she winked before twirling around and walking back into the gallery. I was stunned once again to silence.

Paul came up behind me and grabbed my hand. "That son of a…" he grumbled under his breath. He took a step toward the gallery, fists clenched at his side.

I grabbed his arm before he could get any further. "No," I told him. "It's fine."

"Fine? What about this is fine?" he asked incredulously. "What a…a pompous dick."

"Please don't do this right now," I begged him.

Kristina shook her head. "Paul, that's not your fight," she said in a level voice. I watched as he took a second to consider her words. He was vibrating more by the second. "If you go back in there, he'll take away opportunities for Leah. Do you want that? Is he worth that?"

"This shit is beyond disrespectful, Kris. How the fuck do I just let that go?" he asked.

Julian thought himself to be God's gift to the world. And based on that smug look he was giving us from inside, he did it intentionally to get a rise out of Paul.

"He did it to piss you off," Kristina said. That's what I said. "Don't let him win."

Paul's jaw ticked as he tried to take a deep breath. I squeezed his forearm, "Please don't. Not right now," I said quietly. It seemed to be the only thing I could contribute to this conversation. Kris was able to be coherent and deliberate with her words. Except I wasn't worried about me. Seeing my art in a gallery was incredible, but I didn't want those opportunities from Julian if it came with this kind of behavior. "Let's let it go and go home," I told him.

XXXXXXXXX

Paul didn't let it go. He tried to, I could tell. We got to our little cabin in the woods bright and early in the morning, only exchanging pleasantries and talking about everything surface level. The cabin was nice, air conditioned, secluded. Just what the doctor ordered.

We examined the house quietly, getting comfortable. I sighed as I collapsed on the bed, stretching out after being so tense on the Amtrak. "Nice digs," Paul complimented as he sat next to me. "Nearest neighbors are at least a mile away. I can't hear anything but deer and water."

"I'm glad you like it," I smiled at him. I sat up and moved until I was straddling him. "Maybe we can spend the rest of the morning getting cozy," I purred.

Normally, Paul would be all over it. I waited for those tells that he wanted to have some fun. His hands would usually go to my waist, and I'd feel his grip get tighter. He would press his hips up and lick his lips and his breath would catch a little. He would get that look in his eye; that one that said, "Keep it up, Clearwater, and I'll show you a good time." He'd pull me into that searing kiss that made me dizzy. But that was missing this time.

He planted his hands at the tops of my thighs and just rubbed them softly. He rolled the tension out of his shoulders before saying, "Not now, Lee. Maybe in a bit."

My heart dropped into my stomach. "Oh…ok," I nodded as I climbed off of him.

"It's not you," he tried to reassure me. "I can just feel the wolf getting antsy. I'm going to take a quick run of the grounds just to make sure it's secure."

"'Make sure it's secure?'" I repeated. "Paul, we're supposed to be on vacation. We're relaxing, not patrolling."

"I have to make sure we're safe before we can relax, sweetie," he said, standing up. He kissed my forehead before walking out of the room. "I'll be back. Lock the doors."

"Yes sir," I muttered cantankerously.

So, while he was gone, I pulled out all the stops. I lit some candles and put on some nice music. I put away the groceries Paul had brought from home; standard eggs, milk, bread, fish, some fancy cheeses and wines and beers from his last catering gig, and some pasta from his favorite Italian place. I set the table, got us unpacked, and did everything I could to hype myself up that this would be a good weekend for both of us.

I sat gingerly on the couch, pulling out my phone. No service. It was moments like this when I missed the twins. Rachel would say something really sweet and intuitive like, "Just because he's not ready for sex doesn't mean that you guys won't have a good time. Try to focus on reconnecting with him first before putting sex on the table."

And Rebecca would agree, but counter by saying, "But if he doesn't fuck your brains out by the end of the weekend, call him out on his shit."

I shook my head. There was nothing to worry about. We were both under a lot of stress, and that's alright. Maybe this time alone will be good for me. I wanted to have the perfect weekend, but I needed to make sure that I was taking care of my own needs too, you know? Like he was taking care of his.

Loud footsteps climbed up the porch and then stopped. I waited for Paul to come through the door, but after 5 minutes, he didn't. I walked over to the front door to open it and just saw a pile of clothes folded neatly next to one of the planters. There was a set of giant wolf's prints in the soft dirt just off the porch; I walked right outside the front door and covered the prints just in case there was anyone around. Of course, there was no one coming, but you could never be too safe.

I looked around to see if Paul was still around. It was so quiet outside; the wind was a little chilly, and I think I noticed it a little bit more now that Paul wasn't next to me. I never noticed how much I got used to his heat. The hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention as I felt something watching me. Whirling around, I saw dark silver fur from the side of the house. My heart skipped a beat; it had been so long since I had seen Paul the wolf. He was still as beautiful as the first time I saw him. "Hey…" I whispered. He came around and stood tall in front of me. I cautiously reached out to touch him, scratching behind his ear.

A deep purr came from his chest as he leaned into it, his eyes closing. If I could, I would try to freeze and frame this moment. I think it was what I needed right then. No talking, no miscommunications. I just wanted him to feel how much I loved him in that moment, and I loved knowing that he could feel comfortable around me in his truest form. I placed a kiss right between his eyes. "Go enjoy yourself," I told him.

He responded by grabbing my t shirt and spinning me around. He pressed his snout against my back to push me toward the door. He wanted me inside. "Alright, alright, I'm going," I laughed a little as I walked up the porch steps. He waited until I closed the door before I heard his thunderous footsteps retreating away from the cabin.

I was taking a hot bubble bath when he finally came back. I don't think I ever knew how peaceful things could be without the expectation of being available to everyone. With cell phones and school and city life, I feel like all I do is answer to everyone. It was strange. Especially, considering all I really ever wanted was to give Paul and I a chance to do things the way we wanted to. Did I lose sight of that somehow? Or did life just take over in that way it always did?

He was being so quiet as he worked his way through the house. I heard him open and close the fridge; he sighed as he sat down but then he stood right back up. And then he came to the bathroom, knocking twice really quietly. He slipped into the room, only in a pair of sweatpants, and sat on the top of the toilet. His eyes were wild in that good way that let me know he had had a good run. "How was it?" I asked anyway.

"That was incredible. I felt like I could run forever," he said, running a hand through his hair. A leaf and a twig came out in his hand. "I need a haircut though. I'm getting shaggy."

"I noticed," I giggled. "You were super soft though."

"Jared and the boys said hi," he said. "They were wondering when we're coming home."

I shifted in the tub, resting my arms along the side. "Well, we talked about Christmas. We just have to start planning, I guess."

He nodded, picking at his thumbnail. He didn't say anything for a strong minute. His foot started tapping a little before he said, "I mean…that envelope of money you've been carrying around should help, don't you think?"

I don't think my body ever tensed up that quickly than it did right now. My stomach clenched…my throat got tight…oh no.

Paul's eyes were searching for some kind of understanding. "If I ask you where it came from, will you tell me the truth?"

I nodded, feeling the goosebumps rise all over my body. "It was money from the gallery opening," I told him.

"In cash? In an envelope that has Julian's name on it?"

I blew out a harsh breath as I unplugged the tub to drain the water. I wrapped a towel around me as I stood up. "Julian pulled me into his office one day to show me a few of the prints he'd blown up and then he handed me a ridiculously large amount of money for my photos. That's it."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he pressed.

"You were having a really bad day, Paul," I answered, stepping out of the bathtub. "I came home and you were blaring music and slamming things around in the kitchen. I didn't want to bring up Julian Gerard to add to your stress. We had just talked about how you didn't trust him."

"I don't trust him," Paul stood firm as we walked out of the bathroom.

"You've made that perfectly clear," I muttered. I didn't either; I thought he knew that.

"I guess I'm just confused," he kept going. "A heavy fistful of money, giving you the keys to his extra house. Either you're spending more time with this guy than you're letting on or he's really just that fucking bold."

I stopped completely in my tracks at the accusation, instantly feeling a sharp tinge of anger. "I'm sorry?"

"What is his fascination with you, Lee? I don't get it," he snapped.

"You think I do?" I shot back. "I am not interested in Julian. I have never been interested in Julian. Where is this coming from?"

Paul shook his head as he went into the kitchen. He didn't say another word. I rolled my eyes before going into the bedroom to get dressed. What the hell is happening? And why now? I couldn't even figure out how he found the money in the first place. I took a deep breath before going to the kitchen as calmly as possible. Paul cracked open a beer bottle and took a long swig. I gingerly placed my hands on the counter that separated us and stared down at the tiles. 1…2…3…4…5, I was counting to help me relax, 6…7…8…9…10. I looked up at him with hard eyes. "Were you looking through my stuff?" I asked.

"What?" he shrugged.

"You heard me…" I paused before repeating, "were you looking through my stuff?"

His face was trying to hide the shock from my question. We had never been in this spot before. Paul and Leah loved with this blind trust for one another; I didn't think we would ever get to a point where I had to question my trust for him and to question his trust in me. "Leah," he sighed. He rubbed a hand across his face roughly. "I don't know what it was. Maybe it was seeing Adriana give you those keys or seeing the way he looked at you. It just made me feel fucking crazy."

"So you invaded my privacy," I accused him.

He glared at me. "Which one is worse? Me trying to make sure you're not cheating on me or you hiding hundreds of dollars from me?"

"Let's be clear," I laughed indignantly, "I've done absolutely nothing to make you think that I'm cheating on you. I don't even have enough time to call my best friends; the idea of me carving out time to cheat is really fucking stupid and you know it."

"I never said I was proud of it!" he yelled. "It was a really low point for me, and, trust me, I've been plenty low."

Paul pushed himself off of the counter and walked into the backyard. I resisted the urge to scream; I knew what this was. His projection. Randall and Diana had cheated on each other enough to completely destroy Paul's ability to trust another human being with his heart. It was something that I always knew was right under the surface. We had overcome so much between everything with Sam and him phasing for the first time and moving across the country; I thought…I thought I would be the exception.

I followed him outside, shivering at the cool temperature outside. "Why come out here with me then?" I asked. "If you have it in your heart to feel that I would cheat on you, why spend a weekend with me where there's no one around, no cell service, no nothing?"

"Because I love you, Leah," he rolled his eyes before turning his back to me. "Duh."

I stared at the back of his head for way too long. I didn't know if love was enough of an answer with such a huge accusation over both of our heads? My mind was racing to connect the dots and find some common ground where we both felt like something was off. "How long…?" I asked.

"How long what?"

"How long have you felt like this?"

His head dropped as he cussed under his breath. "I don't know," he admitted. "It was like all of a sudden every time you left for class, it was sitting there in the back of my mind. If he's on campus and you're on campus, what if…you know? But then you would come home every night and you'd look at me with those eyes and kiss me and it was like everything melted away. I was the one who got to hold you at night. But it was still there. The way he looks at you…" he stopped. "He looks at you the way Sam used to. Like you're just his to take."

"Like Sam? I don't know what you mean by that," I said confused.

"Of course you don't, Lee," he said exasperated. "Because you never saw it. I watched it happen. He always knew how much I liked you when we were in high school and he knew that out of the two of us, he was always going to be the better option for you."

"By whose standards?" I grabbed his hand to make him turn around.

"Everyone's!" he yelled as he faced me. "Sam the golden boy or Paul the fucking charity case; it was always clear who was going to be better for your future!"

"I make my own damn decisions about my future! And that doesn't have anything to do with why you don't trust me now!" I shouted back.

"Open your damn eyes," he threw his hands up dramatically. "It's the same shit, Leah! This guy has connections, money, opportunity. He can get you anything you want in the world you want. I can't do that for you!"

"Do you really think I've ever given a shit about things like that?" I couldn't even contain how angry I was to hear what he was really telling me. Looking back, I could see that he was feeling insecure. But, in that moment, it felt like an attack on my character. I never cared about money. I never cared about how 'perfect' life with Sam looked. I always only wanted to be loved unconditionally. I shook my head in disappointment, "I didn't know you thought I was that shallow."

"Leah…"

"No, I get it," I crossed my arms over my chest as the tears welled up in my ears. "You know, we've been through a lot of shit over the years and I really thought that you would know me well enough to see that no one has ever compared to you in my eyes. I didn't care about who you came from; I only cared about who you are. I never saw you as 'the charity case.' Who gives a damn about guys like Sam and Julian? I don't. I can't keep breaking down your walls every time you see another man as a threat. Either you trust me or you don't. And you clearly don't."

I couldn't even look him in the eye before I ran off inside the house. The tears ran furiously down my face as I rushed to the bedroom. He wasn't far behind me, calling out to me. I managed to close and lock the door before he could reach, choking back sobs. "Lee," he knocked. "Lee, come on. Open the door."

I pressed my back to the door and slid down it, hugging my knees tight to my chest. I couldn't stop myself from crying. I just wanted the ground the swallow me so I didn't have to hear him on the other side of the door.

"Leah," he sighed. I could hear the dejection in his voice. "Leah, I'm sorry. Can you open the door, Lee? Please?"

I shook my head as if he could see me. I waited quietly for 20 minutes until I heard him walk away, the front door closing softly behind him.

I slept by myself that night for the first time in months. It was the strangest feeling to not have his body next to mine. I knew he could have easily come into the room, if he wanted to. But, no matter how mad we were at each other, he always respected my boundaries.

So the next morning, it was like a blast from the past. With a blanket wrapped around me, I crept into the living room at the crack of dawn and saw Paul's massive 6'6" frame dangling from the pull out couch. His face was tight like his mind was still racing. I crawled onto the couch next to him, feeling his entire body tense and then relax. He wasted no time pulling me to him, but he didn't say anything. I didn't either. There was nothing to say. Not yet anyway.