Chapter 7

Rarely have I rested so much, and felt so unrested, Lily reflected as she made her way down the stairs the following morning.

She wasn't surprised to find Sirius already in the kitchen. Having had enough experiences of being cornered or attacked by Death Eaters to last her a life-time already, Lily knew how Sirius felt at the moment. It would take days for his body to settle down, and to allow him more than a few exhausted hours of sleep.

Although, it was probably unfair to believe she knew exactly how he felt. This job had gone phenomenally wrong, and it was Sirius, Gideon and James who had paid the price. Magic could heal injuries far quicker and more effectively than muggle medicine could, but Lily had learned that the physical trauma also created mental trauma that magic was powerless to heal. And then there was James and the guilt Sirius was battling about her husband's condition.

Lily didn't bother asking Sirius if he had slept well.

'Morning Padfoot. Should we get going?'

Sirius had to be as eager as she was to see James, it therefore surprised Lily when he shook his head.

'Not yet. You need breakfast first.'

'I really don't think that's a good idea...' Lily could feel her stomach protest too.

'This really isn't my area of expertise, Lils, but seeming as you're emptying your stomach content frequently, I think it's more important than usual to make sure you eat.'

'Have you eaten?' Lily asked, knowing she was being unfair, but Sirius just smiled: 'Not yet, I've been waiting for you.'

/

'Padfoot?'

Sirius looked up at her. He had already finished his porridge, but Lily was still working through hers. She had always been a slow eater - or rather - Sirius and James had always been fast eaters, but now she found it especially difficult to rush her food.

Lily put down her spoon, her mind having arrived at a conclusion after hours in bed, trying to piece together that fateful mission: 'Fabian and Gideon, they will have realised something was wrong before you and James left me.'

Sirius frowned: 'I suppose so, but I can hardly blame them for not getting to us in time to warn us. They had quite a fight on their hand as well. We are lucky Fabian made it to the Order at all.'

'Don't you get it,' Lily said, feeling dizzy and sick at the realisation: 'James and you left later than you had planned, giving Gideon and Fabian more time than they would otherwise have had to save you. Had I not been unwell... had James not stopped by this house... had I then not told him about the pregnancy, further delaying you...'

'That's when you told him!?'

'You are missing the point! You two were incapacitated by the time the Order arrived - and don't argue that you weren't... Imagine if you had left earlier - don't you see?'

'I am not missing the point,' Sirius said, seriously. 'You are saying that if things had been different, we could have died. I am well aware of that. But I think you are missing the point: in another scenario, we might not even have walked into the trap, because we got warned in time. The reality is only what happened, and there are a thousand ways in which things could have gone differently. It's no good dwelling on that.'

'Sorry, you're right of course. It's just that this whole thing was a bit too close for comfort.'

'You're telling me that?' Sirius barked out in a half-hearted laughter.

'Sorry,' Lily repeated.

'Don't be,' Sirius said, dismissively. 'Do you think you can manage some more food?'

Lily shook her head.

'Well, let's go then! We should release Wormtail so he can get some sleep, don't you think?'

Knowing Sirius, Lily suspected he had slept less than his friend, but she nodded, relieved - and nervous - knowing she would finally see James again.

/

'I can't believe you two are having a child,' Sirius said, shaking his head.

They had been sitting by James for about an hour. Before he left them, Peter had related that the Healers believed James should wake within that timeframe. Lily needed to see James awake, needed more evidence than the rising and falling of his chest that he was alive. Time had passed so slowly, and yet, somehow it had passed, but James was still asleep.

'I just... you're so young. You have your whole lives ahead of you. Please don't tell me you planned this?'

'That's none of your business,' Lily scoffed. 'And no, we didn't plan it.'

'Thank God,' Sirius sighed. 'It was bad enough that he wanted to get married,' Sirius grimaced as he said the last word, but Lily wasn't fooled. That day, Sirius had looked as happy as if it had been his own wedding.

'Ey - watch it!' Lily mock scolded him. Sirius just sniggered.

'It's not a death sentence, you know?' Lily added, a little later, James still lying unmoving and unaware that his wife and best friend were there.

'No, it's so much worse,' Sirius said with feeling: 'You're going to make Prongs a responsible parent.'

'I don't know about 'responsible',' Lily sighed, 'but he will be a parent.'

If he recovers, an uninvited voice in her head added nastily. Lily tightened her grip on James' hand ever so slightly, suddenly feeling unwell. James hadn't woken up yet. What if something was wrong?

Sirius seemed to misunderstand her change of mood: 'Lils, I am only joking. The man is a world champion in stepping up to the roles he's given: he was an unbeatable Captain, the best Head Boy in our time (if you ask for my unbiased opinion) and he seems to be doing a good job on the husband front.'

'He needs to stay alive,' Lily said, quietly, 'to be a good husband - to be a parent - any parent.'

Sirius looked momentarily stunned.

Lily looked helplessly down at James, and felt her breath catch in her throat as she supressed a sob.

'Hey, don't go there, Lils. Please... He will be just fine, and then the two of you will become insufferable parents, who only talk about baby stuff, and I will want nothing more to do with either of you.'

Lily let out something that was somewhere between a sob and a laugh.

Just then, James stirred. The small movement caused him to groan, and Sirius leant forward, resting a hand on James' chest.

'Prongs, mate, take it easy,' Sirius said, then he looked at Lily: 'I should probably get the Healers... to let them know he's awake.'

James opened his eyes wearily just as his friend left the room. Her husband blinked, and Lily gently put his glasses on. Lily wondered whether she had ever seen something as beautiful as his hazel eyes.

'There,' she said, leaning in closer and placing a light kiss on his cheek.

James turned his head carefully towards her, and met her gaze. He couldn't have hid the suffering reflected in those eyes from a stranger, let alone her, but there was recognition as he looked at his wife, and that was all that mattered.

'I am alright,' she said, because she knew he wanted to know. She wasn't sure if he would even remember her visit from the day before. Worse, if he did, he would know she had left early, being unwell.

'Sirius too,' she added, realising James might not know. He had been asleep by the time Sirius had come to look after him.

James seemed to search the room with his eyes, but he didn't move. Lily's heart sank. James wasn't one for lying still, not if he could help it.

Lily repeated: 'He is well.'

She could tell James was finding it hard to believe her, and she could empathise. If she had struggled to believe Remus and Peter that Sirius was - or had - recovered, she could not imagine how hard it would be for James to believe the same, who had been there with him.

'Sirius has gone to get the Healers. He is fine, I promise. Padfoot is fine.' She let her fingers play with his stupid, messy hair. The hair she loved so much: 'We just need to get you better.'

'Th'nk Merl'n.'

He spoke so quietly that Lily would have believed she had imagined it, had it not been for how his eyes closed and his body tensed as he uttered the words.

Her husband opened his eyes again, looking at her, and Lily knew he was silently begging her not to pity him, but she could not help it. Saying two words shouldn't hurt him so much - it shouldn't hurt at all.

'Mrs Potter, I heard - oh, yes indeed, good morning Mr Potter,' a Healer, who was too young, and walking with entirely too much confidence, approached James bed.

'How are we feeling today?'

James closed his eyes again at the loud voice, and Lily felt a surge of annoyance.

'He can't talk much, can he, seeming as you have not been very succesful in removing, or even reducing, his pain.'

'Of course, Mrs Potter, I quite understand your frustration... It's not easy when... erm... we don't know exactly what curse hit him, and can only rely on descriptions from eye witnesses.'

Sirius, who had walked in behind the Healer, looked like someone had punched him. Lily knew he would feel guilty that he hadn't caught the name of the curse.

'Death Eaters,' Lily said through gritted teeth, 'tend not to advertise the curses they cast on victims, and yet I assume you're able to do something to help.'

'Lily,' Sirius warned, and Lily knew he was angry that she was hinting at a cover story, when Dumbledore might have come up with an entirely different one. It wasn't exactly protocol. However, if nobody else had told the Healers what they were up against, then it was time she did.

The sound of Sirius' voice caused James to open his hazel eyes again, and Sirius, meeting his friend's gaze, pushed passed the young Healer, and put a careful hand on James' shoulder.

'It's good to see you awake, mate.' Sirius' voice shook slightly as he spoke, and as James' eyes moved back to the Healer, Lily noticed that Sirius was blinking away tears.

'Healer Treadwell and I will take good care of your husband, Mrs Potter. If you want to discuss any details about your husband's treatment, I am happy to do so now. My name is Healer Patricia Flint and I am at your and your husband's service.'

The elderly woman that had emerged from nowhere spoke with such authority that Lily immediately jumped up from her seat.

'Lily Potter,' Lily said, shaking the woman's hand.

'Lovely,' the woman said, briskly. 'Now, despite your earlier assertions, I think you will agree that we have made some progress?'

'It's just... horrible to see him in such pain,' Lily said, apologetically, feeling like she was being scolded by professor McGonagall.

'I understand that,' the Healer said, not unkindly.

'We have a few more potions we would like to try to reduce his present discomfort, but we are working with a strong curse, and there might not be so much we can do about repressing the pain. The curse is abating, however, so we are making progress on the overall objective, which is recovery. Give us a few more days, and we should have a developed potion regime in place.'

Lily nodded. She knew so little about Healing, and she had always wanted to know more - especially now.

Her mind fled back to a conversation she and James had at school, when she had confessed to wanting to be a Healer. It was one of her earlier successful conversations with her now husband, because James had understood. He hadn't foolishly told her to 'go follow her dream'.

'We'll fight,' he had told her. 'All of us. We'll fight, and then we can pursue our dreams when this is over.'

'Like your dream of playing for England?' Lily had teased.

'Actually,' James had said, sheepishly, 'I thought I'd become a teacher. Defence Against the Dark Arts.'

'Really?' It had surprised her that James Potter, who seemed to think school merely existed to keep him bored, wanted to become a teacher. 'They say the job is cursed.'

'Well, I'll be the one to break it, won't I?' He said with his usual confidence. Then, he grew serious: 'This war... when all this is over, Evans... we're going to need to make sure something like this never happens again. And that starts at school.'

Seeming embarrassed at having been so forward, James laughed nervously: 'besides, if I have kids, I want to keep an eye on them at school in case they are anything like me and Pad- Sirius.'

James Potter was having a child, but the war wasn't over. He had been right not to encourage her to become a Healer, of course. Most muggle-borns had gone into hiding, or (if they had a death wish, Lily thought ruefully) they had joined the Order.

'Now, if you would excuse us,' the elderly Healer said, when Lily made no reply. 'It would be good if you could come back later... say in two hours time?'

Lily nodded. She and Sirius said goodbye to James.

It hurt, leaving James when he was finally awake, and Lily could tell that Sirius found it difficult too. She felt an enormous amount of affection for Sirius, who had given her a few minutes with James, while he had gone to get the Healers. He had sacrificed his opportunity to talk to his friend, after the trauma they had been through, just so Lily could have time with her husband. That was exactly the sort of unassuming, loyal friend Sirius was.

A/N

Next chapter is one of my favourite. It's a bit lighter - the Marauders telling Lily about the old days. Hopefully you're all enjoying the story so far! xx