Chapter Nine
The next week, Rose refused to show to work.
She left a letter in Severus' office noting her absence. She explained that she'd be back to work the following Monday.
She slumped around her flat, not wanting to do much of anything. She flipped through lesson plans idly, scribbling notes for her own use in a smaller notebook. She skipped meals, choosing to snack on instant noodles, soup, and biscuits.
Severus had sent a letter to her with his Eagle Owl, Onyx. It rapped gently on her window with its bill, peering in curiously with its large, round, yellow eyes. Onyx normally spent most of his time either flying about the grounds, in the owlery, or in Severus' quarters, so she didn't see him often.
Rose opened the window and Onyx cautiously hopped inside and onto a bookshelf. She took the letter, and he fluffed his feathers in response, waiting patiently.
"Ah, I see. You're expecting a response, aren't you?"
Onyx blinked.
"Well. While you're waiting, let me see if I have a snack for you." She rummaged around in the small fridge, deciding on a slice of lunchmeat turkey.
"Here you go, chap," she said, crumpling up the slice and offering it to Onyx. He took it happily, gobbling it quickly.
Rose opened the letter, which was unsurprisingly written in an overly formal tone:
Rose,
I have solstice plans that I will need ingredient collection assistance with.
Please let me know if you have any availability this week.
Yours,
Severus
Rose flipped over the letter, grabbing a quill, and dipping it into ink before scrawling:
Severus,
I'm feeling under the weather and won't be available to help.
If you have any other questions, come speak to me at my flat.
Yours etc. etc.,
R
She folded it up, closing it with a rose-imprint seal with pink wax.
She offered it to Onyx, who seemed not to want to take it.
"Oh, come off it, it's just a silly note, anyway. Who cares if I didn't use a new piece of parchment."
Onyx snapped his bill, then took the letter in his bill, lifting from the bookshelf and taking off.
"Just as fussy as his owner," Rose muttered.
-o-o-o-
Rose was taking a leisurely afternoon nap when she heard a rap at the door.
Grumbling to herself, she trudged to the door, unlocking it. It was Severus.
He surveyed her state with a distasteful look before sweeping past her and seating himself on her sitting room couch.
Rose shut the door with a huff. "What do you want, Severus? I'm entitled to a few days off."
"That's not what this is," he said calmly.
Rose sighed, exhausted, and perched on the coffee table opposite him. "Good for you, you figured it out, it's not. Now what do you want?"
"You shouldn't speak to me like that," he said in a low voice.
"And professors shouldn't have feelings for their teaching assistants. But here we are." Rose snapped.
"That's not what this is, either." He growled through clenched teeth, leaning forward on his elbows.
"So, tell me what it is, Severus. I'm dying to know."
Severus flinched. "It's your friend."
Rose rolled her eyes. "Please. I told you. I ended things with Oisin."
Severus shook his head slowly. He looked at her concernedly. "Your other friend. Olivia." He said quietly.
Rose stood reflexively. "How do you know her name? You said you don't remember your students."
"All staff are informed when tragedies like that occur. I connected a few dots." He gazed at her gravely.
Tears were beginning to well in Rose's eyes beyond her control.
Annoying, she thought. Always at the wrong time.
"What gives you the right to waltz up here acting like you're helping me? Like you could possibly understand?"
Severus had risen slowly, approaching her cautiously. Tears began to stream down Rose's face. Severus paused before her.
"You didn't know her," she whispered, pleading.
"No," Severus admitted. "But I know you." He wrapped his arms around her and held her.
"I was supposed to be there for her. It's my fault. It's all my fault." She said, muffled, into his chest.
Severus pulled back a little to look at Rose. "How could it possibly be your fault?"
"I knew she struggled with depression. I knew she was switching medications. I should have — I don't know."
Severus looked at her empathetically. "You're a caring person. There are some things …" He paused, inhaling sharply. "There are some things that no one can foresee. It's not in your control."
"I loved her so much," she told him, staring beseechingly up at him. "It wasn't enough."
His face creased as if in pain. "Sometimes it never is." He paused. "But I'm sure she knew. She must have. You have a light you cast on those you care for that nothing can hide."
Rose blinked the tears from her eyes to clear her vision. "Then why have you not seen it?"
He laughed, a harsh, jaded laugh. "I'm not blind, Rose. We can't do this." He said, sounding pained. He pulled away from her, but remained standing.
Rose's brows creased. "Why?"
"I will never give you what you deserve."
Rose was indignant. "And how do you know that?"
Severus gazed at her morosely. "Because you don't know me. I'd like to keep it that way."
Rose shook her head fervently. "No, you're not doing this again. Every time we get closer, you push me away."
Severus began to respond, but Rose interrupted him, kissing him. She pulled away quickly. He was frozen in shock for a moment before pulling Rose's face to his, kissing hungrily back.
"Finally," he whispered to her in between kisses.
Rose pulled away. "You're wearing too many clothes," she whispered back. His eyes were half-lidded, appearing sleepy. She tugged at the collar of his buttoned black robes.
He raised an eyebrow. "Were you this forward with Oisin?" He asked huskily.
Rose rolled her eyes playfully. "No. Don't be jealous. We barely did anything."
"Barely?" He whispered, inclining his head.
"Nothing like what I want to do to you." Rose whispered, grinning devilishly.
"That's better. Good girl," He growled, pulling her into a kiss again, holding her waist.
Suddenly, Severus pulled away. Rose really thought he might panic and leave in a foul mood again, but instead he looked at her with a worried expression.
"I should leave," he said reluctantly.
Rose wasn't expecting that. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I should give you some space. I don't want to … take advantage of your emotional state."
Rose stroked her hair self-consciously. "Alright. I guess I can't get mad at you for being decent."
One end of Severus' mouth quirked upwards. "A bit mad."
She laughed. "No. Yes."
Severus appeared like he was in pain. "I need to sit down for a moment."
Rose laughed, a full belly laugh. "If only there was a potion to get rid of that quickly."
He collapsed onto the couch, crossing his ankle over his knee. "Let's work on it."
"Why would I work to get rid of something I want?" She said, perching on the coffee table again.
He leaned his head on the back of the couch. "Don't torture me," he groaned.
"You're torturing me. And after a full month of playing with me."
He grinned mischievously. "I'd finally met someone willing to match my foreplay."
Rose smiled but didn't respond. A few minutes passed in amicable silence, before Severus leaned forward, taking her hands, kissing them, and holding them gently.
"Take as much time as you need. But give me just one day this week. Please." He looked up at her beseechingly.
"Fine. Wednesday, I guess."
Severus nodded solemnly, then slowly stood.
He paused at the door. "Call for Onyx if you need anything. He knows you well enough now after that treat."
"How do you know I gave him a treat?"
"Old professor's secret," Severus said over his shoulder. "Until Wednesday, Rose."