Sawed Chapter 14: To Stay Here Beside You
Chikorita-Trainer1
T
Disclaimer: I don't own Saw or anything else I might reference or shamelessly rip off.

Neither Adam nor Lawrence had dreams that night. They were sleeping far too deeply for their subconscious thoughts to reach them. After a week of nightmares and loneliness and dread, they were finally able to rest in each other's arms, free of the fear of being reprimanded or torn apart.

Sometime during the night, their positions had shifted. They had gone to sleep facing each other, but now they were spooning. Adam, free of his sling and IV, had rolled over onto his side and now had his back to Lawrence, who had his right arm wrapped tightly around his waist.

Adam only woke because he realized he was thirsty—he hadn't exactly well-hydrated himself after puking up the entire contents of his stomach a few hours ago. He also realized his mouth tasted like old coffee, so he quietly and carefully extracted himself from Lawrence's grip, and got out of the bed.

He stretched, bending his back inward until he heard a crack, then rolled his shoulders a couple times. He turned back to look at Lawrence and was happy to see that the older man hadn't woken up. He turned back around and noticed on the table next to the bed, some travel-sized dental supplies, no doubt from another "goody bag" from a trip to the dentist that Allison had found lying around their house, and had brought to Lawrence for his hospital stay. Among the toothbrush, toothpaste and floss was a small bottle of Listerine.

Adam breathed into the palm of his hand and smelled it. He couldn't smell much, as that tactic usually didn't work for anyone, but his mouth still felt gross, and he didn't want to kiss Lawrence again with bad breath, so he swiped the bottle of mouth wash and went to the bathroom down the hall.

He gulped down some water from the faucet, then knocked back a little of the mouthwash and swished it around, gargled and spat into the sink. He grinned at himself for feeling so self-conscious. He felt like a teenager with a crush again, nervous about how he looked and smelled, worrying if his lover would find him unattractive, thinking about petty little things that really shouldn't matter to two adults.

But after everything he had endured the past week, it was a relief to be obsessed with something superficial for once.

He returned to the room and found Lawrence still asleep in the position he'd left him—lying on his left side, with his right arm laid across the side of the bed where Adam had been sleeping.

The photographer gently lifted the oncologist's arm, slid back into bed, this time facing him, and settled down.

Lawrence opened his eyes.

"Hey," said the blonde.

"Hey."

Lawrence curled his arm around Adam's shoulders and pulled him close so he could kiss his forehead.

"How'd you sleep?" asked Lawrence. Adam couldn't help but grin.

"Great," he sighed.

Lawrence just smiled and combed his fingers through Adam's hair.

"Me, too."

Adam closed his eyes at the touch and rested his head down on the pillow. Lawrence leaned forward and kissed him deeply. Adam traced his tongue across Lawrence's lips until they opened, and then plunged his tongue inside his mouth. Lawrence reciprocated, turning onto his back a little so that Adam had to almost crawl on top of him to keep up. When they finally parted for air, Lawrence asked

"Did you use my mouthwash?" Adam ducked his head away in embarrassment.

"Yeah."

Lawrence chuckled. It was nice knowing that Adam was thinking about stuff like this. It only affirmed that what they felt for each other was real, or neither of them would care about something like that.

Lawrence smiled sweetly and rubbed his nose against Adam's.

"What time is it?" asked Adam.

"I have no idea," said Lawrence. "Morning, I guess."

"You want to get some breakfast?" Adam asked.

"Nah, not hungry. I was just curious." Adam nodded and laid his head back down on Lawrence's chest and closed his eyes. "Did Allison say she was going to come back here today?"

"No. She dropped me off and took Diana home," said Adam.

"Are you going to need to go back to your apartment anytime soon?" asked Lawrence.

"Not really," said Adam. "I only ever see my landlord when the rent's due. So I've got another couple weeks."

Lawrence merely sighed, rubbing his hand up and down Adam's arm.

"Why? You want me to stay here with you?" Adam asked teasingly.

"You know I do," said Lawrence, kissing the top of Adam's head. "Oh, could you bring me my laptop?" Lawrence then asked, pointing over to the chair where his computer was plugged into the wall, charging.

"Mm-hmm," said Adam, rolling off of Lawrence and getting up from the bed.

"Let me show you some of the apartments I've been looking at," said Lawrence as Adam handed him his laptop and sat back down beside him.

Adam never thought this was the direction his life would be taking. He leaned his head down on Lawrence's shoulder as his lover brought up the bookmarked pages that featured available apartments that were MUCH nicer than anything Adam had ever dreamed of living in.

"This one's not too far from here, always good to live near work," said Lawrence, pulling up one potential residence. "It's two bedrooms, one bath."

"I was just thinking, though," Adam began. "I know when you started looking, you had your foot reattached, but now, you're probably going to want a place with a walk-in shower stall, not a bathtub, right?"

"Oh yeah," said Lawrence. It was true—now that he would have a prosthetic foot, it wouldn't be wise to shower in a place he would have to STEP OVER to get into.

"Probably have to get one of those old people shower seats, too," Adam teased. Lawrence frowned playfully.

"They're not just for old people," he said. "They're also for middle-aged disabled people."

Adam snorted and turned his head to kiss Lawrence's cheek.

"Anyway, there are a few others that have just a shower stall, but their kitchens are kind-of ugly," Lawrence mumbled as he opened other pages.

"I don't care what the kitchen looks like," Adam mumbled. "I just need a dark room."

"Yeah, there's one I liked that was three bedrooms, but it's pretty far from Diana's school," said Lawrence.

"Well, why would we need three?" asked Adam.

"Because when I first looked at it, I didn't know that…I mean, I wasn't thinking…I thought we'd…" Lawrence stammered.

Adam nodded, knowing that Lawrence meant that when he had planned on asking Adam to live with him, he didn't know they would be a couple by then.

"I get it," said Adam. Lawrence took his hand off the keyboard and took Adam's hand in his own and brought it to his lips.

"I got a lot of stupid shit I'm going to need to get rid of," Adam said, thinking of the contents of his apartment. He'd never thought about it before, but now it occurred to him that a lot of the stuff he'd accumulated over the years might have been because he was bored and lonely. Now that he was going to be in a mature relationship, it didn't seem so daunting to part with things like band posters, a dartboard and old video game systems.

"You don't have to," said Lawrence. "I'm certainly not going to be bringing everything I own. Plenty of it will stay at the house with Allison and Diana."

"I don't mean furniture," said Adam. "Though I will probably be getting rid of my couch. It's a piece of crap. And the kitchen table came with the place, so I won't be bringing that. I just meant a bunch of bullshit college stuff."

"Whatever you want to do is fine," said Lawrence. "It's not like we have to decide on anything right now."

"I know," said Adam, snuggling back down into Lawrence's side. "It's kind-of fun, though."

Lawrence grinned and kissed Adam on the forehead again.

"This one looks fine," Adam said, pointing to a page with a certain listed apartment. "Got that walk-in shower, two bedrooms, nice kitchen. That could work."

"Yeah, I like it, too," said Lawrence. "If that's OK with you, I'll fill out an application."

"Yeah, go for it," said Adam. He closed his eyes and sighed contentedly as he listened to the graceful clacking of keys under Lawrence's fingertips.

It was early afternoon when Adam woke again. He hadn't even realized he'd fallen asleep, since he had, once again, had no dreams. He chalked that up to being able to sleep beside Lawrence, assured of his love and their future together.

Lawrence had set his laptop aside on the table and was back on his side, facing Adam, holding him close with the younger man's head tucked under his chin.

Then Lawrence's phone rang. He groaned and reached over behind him to the table and grabbed it.

"Hello?" he answered groggily.

"Hey, Larry," came Allison's voice. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, Alli," said Lawrence. "How are you? How's Diana?"

"We're fine. She wants to come see you, and bring a few books for you to read to her."

"That'd be great. I'd love that," said Lawrence.

"How's Adam? Is everything OK with you two?"

Lawrence looked into Adam's eyes as he thought about exactly how to answer that question.

"He's fine. We're…we're fine, Alli. We're good."

On the other end of the line, Allison nodded.

"I thought we might bring you some lunch when we come visit. You want us to pick something up?"

"Yeah, sure, thanks," said Lawrence. He and Allison went back and forth until they decided on what kind of food to pick up, asking Adam what he wanted (though he just shrugged and said whatever would be fine), and then they said goodbye and hung up.

"They should be here in about twenty minutes," said Lawrence.

"Cool," said Adam.

"Hi, Daddy!" cried Diana as she and Allison entered the room. Adam was already up from the bed, so Diana practically leaped into her father's arms.

"Hi, baby," he said lovingly, kissing her on the cheek. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," she said sweetly.

Adam got up to help Allison with the bags of food she'd brought in. They pulled up some chairs around the bed and distributed the items of food and settled down for a pleasant lunch.

"OK, honey. Which story are we going to read?" asked Lawrence, Diana snuggling up next to him, taking a couple books out of a bag.

"The Three Little Wolves and the Big Bad Pig," she said.

Adam smiled, but he also felt he should excuse himself from the room at this point, and let Lawrence and Diana have their daddy-daughter time.

He felt like stretching his legs anyway, so he decided to take a walk down the hall to a lounge area by some big windows, overlooking the city.

He stood there silently for a minute, processing that he was basically becoming part of a new family. He still wasn't sure why Allison had been so welcoming of him and so encouraging of his relationship with the man who was still legally her husband. Fortunately, he didn't have to wonder for long.

"Are you alright?" came Allison's voice behind him. Adam turned around to see the blonde woman.

"Yeah, totally. I just thought they could use some time alone," he said. Allison smiled.

"I know what you mean," she said. "So, are you and Larry…?" she left her question hanging.

"We are…together," Adam said softly.

An awkward silence passed between them, then he cleared his throat and finally asked what he'd been wanting to for days.

"Allison, I need to know, how are you…so…OK with this? I mean, it's SO out of left field. I had no idea things were going to turn out like this, and I just assumed…" Adam trailed off. He didn't really know how to phrase the question 'How are you so in-favor of your husband leaving you for me?'

"Honestly, Adam, I'm so grateful to you, I can't even put it into words," Allison confessed.

Adam gulped and sat down in one of the chairs that faced the window.

"I've been looking for an excuse to leave Larry for years," she admitted softly. "I knew he wasn't being faithful, and I think I was just too proud and possessive to admit it to myself."

Adam thought back to just last week, when he'd followed Lawrence to that hotel to snap pictures of him allegedly fooling around with another woman.

"He and I barely speak, we don't fight, I think because neither of us really cares enough to."

"I don't know how much longer I can do this, Larry."

"Do what? What are you talking about?"

"How can you walk through life pretending that you're happy?"

"I am happy."

"That is complete bullshit. I would rather you just break down and tell me that you hated me, at least there'd be some passion in."

"We'll talk about this later, OK?" He went in to kiss her on the cheek. She turned away.

"Just leave."

"I was trying to push him out the door for years. I didn't have the guts to leave him, because I didn't want to lose him to some whore. I didn't want any of his mistresses to have him."

Adam just listened quietly. Clearly, this was the first time Allison had really admitted these thoughts to herself, let alone another person.

"I'd much rather 'lose' him to someone he really loves. Then at least I know our marriage didn't get thrown away on nothing."

Adam nodded.

"I understand," he said softly.

"I feel much better letting him go, knowing he'll run straight to you."

Both Adam and Allison had to hold themselves back from making a joke about how Lawrence technically couldn't 'run' anywhere now.

"Diana's been pretty supportive of us, too," said Adam, thinking back to last night when she had looked into his eyes and told him she knew.

"Yeah. I worry about her, though. I'm worried she's holding everything inside. I talk to her, and she responds to everything with "I know." And I don't know if she says that because she actually does understand, or she just wants the conversation to end."

"No, she definitely understands," said Adam. Allison gave a tiny shrug. "She's…she's really strong, isn't she?"

"Sweetheart, are you OK?"

Diana nodded.

"Mommy just needs you to be really, really, really, really strong right now. I'm not going to let anybody hurt you. You got that?"

Another tearful nod.

"OK. That's my good girl."

"Yeah. She really is."

"I think she gets that from you," said Adam. Allison smiled warmly at him with silent thanks.

"Are you two still having story time?" asked Allison as she opened the door to Lawrence's room.

"No, we're done," said Diana, packing her books back into her bag. "When are you going to get better, Daddy?"

"It'll probably be at least another week," said Lawrence. "And then I'll have to be fitted for a prosthetic foot, and then it'll probably be another couple of weeks of physical therapy before I can walk on it."

"Diana, sweetie, we have to go," said Allison. "Adam, you need a ride?"

Adam looked longingly over at Lawrence, wishing he didn't have to leave, but he knew he couldn't just LIVE at the hospital for the next few weeks.

"Yeah. I'll be ready in a sec," he answered, putting on his shoes.

"Thanks for coming," said Lawrence. Allison walked over and hugged him, and Diana climbed down from the bed.

"We'll see you tomorrow, Daddy."

"OK. Bye, honey," said Lawrence. Allison and Diana left the room and closed the door behind them, knowing Adam would want to say goodbye privately.

Allison stepped away from the door, but Diana stayed and peeked in the window. She wasn't tall enough to see everything, but she saw Adam bend down over Lawrence's head and she knew what was happening.

"He really does love him, doesn't he, Mommy?" she asked.

END OF CHAPTER 14
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