This was a stoopid idea years in the making. I don't remember exactly how it came up but one time me and my friends were at lunch and started talking about Sector V going into Walmart. I had other stories going on for so long until I finally set aside some time to write this.

Writing dumb shenanigans is the funnest thing to write and with how crazy awesome the world of Codename Kids Next Door is, there were no limits to the potential shenanigans.

I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

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kids next door mission

operation:

m.a.r.t.

moronic

actions

result in

terror

"Numbuh 5 said she could handle this on her own."

"It's too risky to let a single operative go in there alone."

"It's too risky to go buy light bulbs?" The second in command of Sector V raised an eyebrow. Numbuh 5 and her teammates were standing in the parking lot of Storemart. The biggest store that sold just about everything (except toothpaste for some reason).

Numbuh 1 adjusted his sunglasses as he replied. "A new store opens that sells practically everything, it can only be a front for some new evil adult scheme." He pounded a fist into his hand, utterly convinced that the retail establishment was anything but.

"Scheme Shmeme-" Numbuh 2 crossed his arms "As long as they have the new Yipper online expansion pass then it's worth the trip." He sided with Numbuh 5 on this being a normal store, not for the sake of common sense but for his own agenda.

"Yeah!" Numbuh 3 raised her oversized sleeve "And Bradley's birthday is this weekend. I still need to pick out the perfect gift for my little skunk baby!"

"And Oi'm here ta make sure she doesn't get him some cruddy girly… crud." The shortest member of the team added in his reason for being here. He didn't trust his crush to buy something that wasn't covered in rainbows and/or monkeys.

Numbuh 5 already had reservations about shopping with the entire crew together. All she needed was some lightbulbs for her reading lamp, she just wanted to be in and out without causing some kind of incident. "Look, we'll all split up and get what we need and meet back at the register in eleven minutes. Sound like a plan?"

Most of the Sector made various sounds of agreement, except for Numbuh 1 who was still on guard but nodded reluctantly. The quintet walked inside and almost immediately their bald leader jumped and pointed at a sign. "AHA! Look at this! 'Storemart Kids Club Membership', it couldn't be a more obvious plot if it had a plate of cookies inside a bear trap."

The Aussie rolled his eyes with annoyance. "Oi, you're never gonna let me live that down are ya?"

Nigel started to march off on an investigation, but was stopped by a strong pull on his ear. "Hey! OW-OW!"

Numbuh 5 dragged him by the ear off towards households. "You're staying with me, captain paranoid."

"FINE! FINE! Just let go of my ear!" The Sector Leaders cries of pain could be heard even as the team split up, Numbuh 2 turned another way and Numbuh's 3 and 4 wandered off with no clear direction.

~KND~

Numbuh 2 found his way over to the electronic department. Scouring the shelves in the video game aisle for the redeemable code card he craved. "Let's see, Yipper Online startup pass… Yipper Online Virtual Cash Card… Marvin's Magic Monopoly expansion pass?! That's not even in the right section!"

Appalled at the disregard for digital organization, Numbuh 2 moved the card where it should have gone alphabetically "Oh-now who put Sassy Cat Island Adventure up with the 'L' games?!" He continued to rearrange the rows of cards. "Ugh, it's arranged like Numbuh 4 did the spelling. Omniversus goes after Omnifall, and this is a gift card to Pasta Garden!"

In record time the entire display had been reorganized by the 2X4 tech wiz, to his dismay however, the section where the expansion pass he'd come here for was empty. "Aw man, not only did I come here for nothing but now there's a gaping hole in the shelf." Somehow the latter was more infuriating than the former.

Marching out of the aisle, Numbuh 2 passed by the help desk and overheard a middle-aged woman talking with the technician. "And this 'flashy drive' will be able to backup almost twenty-one years of digital photo albums?"

"Uhhhmmm… probably?" The teenage employee who sounded like a surfer dude, shrugged. "Just get like, one for each album?"

Backtracking, Numbuh 2 stopped at the desk and addressed the lady. "Don't let this guy upsell you! You just need one flash drive with a great amount of memory." He bent down to the display against the desk and picked out a drive labeled 'More Memory than an Elephant' "Here, this one has eleventy hundred gigabytes of storage on it. You can save your albums and still have room to download an entire six season TV series and two movies."

The woman happily took the drive and thanked the young boy. "Oh, thank you young man! I can't wait to download all of my crime scene photographs!" and off she went to the checkout lanes.

The teen employee stared at Numbuh 2 in awe. "Dude… you're like… smart!"

Somewhere else in the store, Numbuh's 5 and 1 were still searching for the correct aisle. "Now why would the sign say household's if it leads to the auto department?!" Numbuh 5 complained aloud. She assumed her companion was listening to her, incorrectly assuming that is. Abby noticed a lack of footsteps behind her and turned around to find Nigel missing. She smacked her face with her hand.

Back in the auto department, Numbuh 1 was crouching underneath the service desk. He balances the L.U.N.C.H.B.O.C.K.S. on his knee and types something into it. A light reflects from the screen onto his sunglasses and he mutter's "Just as I suspected."

A shadow blocks out the light from the overly bright LED ceiling lights and a voice clears to get the sector leader's attention. He looks up from the lunchbox computer to find Numbuh 5 staring at him, not amused in the slightest. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

"Proving my suspicions correct. Take a look at this!" Nigel turned the screen around to show the acronym the computer had come up with for 'auto' "'Actually. Ultimate. Twerp. Obliterator.' this so called 'auto department' is a front for the building and development of a new anti-child superweapon! The kids club is a cover for them to obtain biometric data to improve its child hunting capabilities!"

Numbuh 5 waited until Numbuh 1 was done with his conspiratorial rambling before stating the obvious. "They work on cars here. That's what an auto department does!"

"That's what they want you to think!" Numbuh 1 countered as he got out from under the counter and looked at his closest friend with an unwavering conviction in his eyes. "You have to trust me. Have I ever been wrong before?"

Nope, Numbuh 5 was even less convinced now. "What about that time with 'The Point'?"

"Oh come on, anyone could have made that mistake! And it was their own fault for not mustard-proofing the place!" Nigel argued.

Moving along to the C-Plot, we find Numbuh's 3 and 4 perusing the toy aisle. They had just enough to get a single present for their skunk compadre, though to be honest no one could tell if it was really his birthday coming up. Numbuh 3 just told them it was and everyone went along with it. When asked how old he was turning, she answered 'A year older than last year!'. Nonetheless, the two were committed to their task.

"This is perfect!" Kuki gasped loudly, as she was standing in the section that was pinker than a flamingo made of cotton candy. "They have the newest Princess Shares-a-lot doll from the new Rainbow Monkey Arbor Day Movie!"

Wally could have barfed at how overly cutesy and adorable the doll was. "We ain't looking for a toy for you, this is for Numbuh 6 remember?"

"It is! Oh, we'll have so much fun playing in my Sugar Dream Castle playset together!" The cheery operative hugged the doll close to her chest.

Numbuh 4 stared in disbelief, actually, he absolutely believed she was serious about getting a princess doll for a baby cyborg skunk. "Numbuh 3, he is a boy skunk! Oi think, never was good with geometry…" he trailed off, momentarily distracted before catching himself and resuming. "Not only that, but he's a cybertonic adult-butt kicking machine skunk! He needs something more loike this!" He presented his own toy find to Kuki, it was a macho action military guy with sunglasses and 'exploding pine cones' to seem a little more child-friendly. "It's G.I. Jerk! And he leaps onto helicopters and blows up bad guys by pile-driving them into a volcano!"

Kuki inspected the toy's packaging, judging whether it was appropriate for a skunk his age. "Hmm… but does it have any educational value?"

"... he teaches ummm… self defense?" The short boy shrugged, hoping it sounded pastable enough.

Taking it into careful consideration, Numbuh 3 passed her judgment. "Self defense is important, however, this guy is clearly not wearing a helmet. We can't have Bradley pile-driving people into a volcano without a helmet on! It's common sense!" Her reasoning elicited an exasperated sigh from her teammate.

~KND~

Back in the electronic department, Numbuh 2 was still there. Upon realizing how little the staff actually knew about what they sold, he intended to pass on his knowledge in hopes that one day, the help desk will actually be able to help people. "And when the computer tells you to press 'any key', don't go looking for a key that has 'any' written on it. Just press your, um… favorite letter."

The quad of teenage employees nodded at his sage advice. One was writing it down so he wouldn't forget. Unfortunately, he also added in the 'um' which would add to more confusion later on. One of the other guys raised his hand. "Smart kid, so, like what do I tell people when they ask what time the email closes?"

Hoagie sighed deeply, the very question having given him a migraine. Did this store specifically only hire teenage idiots whose grasp on technology was somehow lower than the entire senior center combined? "You know, maybe a demonstration is in order." Numbuh 2 addressed his pupils.

Right on queue, a man came over with a video game in his hands. "Excuse me? Can my son play this game on his XCubecast 2?" The actual store employees blankly blinked in unison. Numbuh 2 supposed they may be a lost cause.

"Let me see-" Hoagie looked at the game and shook his head. "Nah, this is for the wrong console. Might I instead recommend Punch Kickers 3? It's for the right system and is just similar enough to avoid a copyright claim." The customer accepted his recommendation and left the department happily. In the single minute Numbuh 2 had been helping the guy, the real employees had taken the initiative to assist another customer… sort of.

"Yeah, I just need to see all the super expensive stuff inside the case. I have to check if it will fit into this nice, new burlap sack." A guy that was clearly not intending to pay for his purchase spoke with the employee's. Numbuh 2 hadn't gotten to the part of his training about theft prevention (nor did he get to the part about not microwaving a cell phone to charge it) so the gullible four were entirely ready to show good customer service and give the man what he wanted.

There was only one way to stop this. "NO!" Numbuh 2 leapt at the man with the speed of a really fast duck and tackled him to the ground. He had the would-be-thief in a headlock when they hit the floor. His opponent smacked him in the head continuously with the already stolen burlap sack from the 'stuff bad guys use' aisle while Hoagie called out. "THIS IS WHERE YOU CALL SECURITY!"

The teenage employees were not listening. They took this as a lesson that it was polite to tackle customers to the floor. They each tackled the next people to walk into the department, "Excuse me sonny-" Old lady got tackled. "Which TV has better-" Newly single father got tackled. "What time does the email clo-" Suburban housewife got tackled. "Which way is the paint-" College graduate got tackled, and punched in the face for extra politeness.

The sounds of customers hitting the floor could be faintly heard even by the gardening center. Where Numbuh's 1 and 5 had wandered into. "This place needs better signs." The cap-wearing girl muttered. The search for lightbulbs was a journey of its own, leading them through the auto department, pharmacy, men's shoe wear, and now the gardening center. Why were such wildly different places lined up one after another?!

"I've got it!" A british voice shouted. One guess to who it belonged to.

"Numbuh 1, you couldn't have possibly found a light bulb over by the petunias?" Numbuh 5 had a pretty good idea of what he was actually up to.

"Those are azaleas, and I mean I have figured out what sort of weapon they are developing in the 'auto' department. A child-seek-and-destroy bot would be way too predictable, so it must be a new creature genetically engineered to predict where children will be and it will… I mean, I haven't figured out what it'll do exactly, but I will soon!" Numbuh 1 went on a long, dramatic tangent, one ignored by everyone else around except for his facepalming companion.

The second in command had enough, he must have taken an extra shot of paranoid juice with his breakfast this morning (with a side of apple slices) "Uh… how much sleep have you had this week?"

Nigel didn't answer. He wouldn't even look at her.

"... Nigel Uno, how many hours of sleep have you gotten this week?" Abby was dead serious about the question this time, and even more concerned when Numbuh 1 pretended not to hear her and started walking away like he hadn't committed a sin against mental health.

"There is only one way to know for sure…" He ominously spoke… "TO THE BABY CARE DEPARTMENT!"

After much deliberation, Kuki and Wally came to an agreement that they would get something other than a toy for Bradley. So they walked down into petcare… and went straight on through into the cooking aisle. "Look, look!" Numbuh 3 tugged on 4's arm. "They've got a two for one sale on silly shape cookie cutters!"

"Numbuh 3 that deal is a ripoff!" Wally exclaimed. "None of those things are dinosaur-shaped! If he wanted to make food shaped loike stuff, then it has to be shaped loike dinosaurs… or a star. Star shapes taste good."

Musing over more of what the aisle had to offer, Numbuh 3 inspected a spatula intensely. "Do you think Numbuh 2 could add an attachment for this? It'd come in handy at the next Kids Next Door quarterly BBQ and Slip N Slide championship." Kuki paused, then realized something she'd said "Hey! 'Come in handy' it'd be on his hand!"

"Eeesh, Numbuh 2's bad jokes are gonna infect us all." The blonde rolled his eyes, balancing a small pasta strainer on his arm. "What about this? Think it's small enough to be made into a helmet?"

Kuki gasped. "Are you saying you don't have Bradley's measurements memorized?! What if you'd picked out a T-Shirt, and it was baggy on him!?"

"What good would knowing his measurements do? If it didn't fit, then oi'd put in the receipt, so he can exchange it!" He didn't have the time, patience, or mental capacity to memorize the circumference of a baby skunk.

With a little 'tut', Numbuh 3 turned her nose up in the air like she saw her mom do when she was making a point to her dad. "Even if Numbuh 6 isn't your baby, you should still know what size he wears, so he never has to use the gift receipt."

"Ya know he's not your baby either." Wally spoke and very quickly regretted it. Being in the kitchen aisle gave Numbuh 3 an arsenal of baking tools to smack his head with.

~KND~

"We need two boxes of quadruple A batteries up by the digital cameras and a price check on the Rainbow Monkey all-purpose remote in the next eight seconds!" Teaching the tech employees had not been working out well for Numbuh 2. If they could not retain the information he was teaching them, then there was only one option left, to stay and lead them. Hoagie had a 2x4 headset over his flight helmet and a utility belt covered in walkie-talkies, a calculator, any 'street-legal' gadgets he had on him when he came in and a half-eaten nutty coco bar.

"Numbuh 2 Tech Guru!" One of the teenage employees addressed the smaller child, saluting with the utmost respect. "A little girl wants to know if we have any more of the Doctor Time Space DVD box sets?"

Whipping out a mini-tablet, Numbuh 2 checked the stock. "If there are no copies on the shelf over on the display near the front. We should have three and a half copies left." He did a double take at the screen, flabbergasted by what it said. "Three and a half? How does that even-"

"Excuse me, are you the manager?" A lady looking to be in her 30s asked the operative. "I need to make a complaint."

Switching gears, literally, Numbuh 2 swapped the tablet he'd been using for some new gear for note-taking. "Of course ma'am, let me hear it."

"I was in this store a week ago and was charged 150 dollars for a phone charger, and today I see that it's only 15 dollars!" The lady waved the overpriced charger in the air.

The new 'manager' sighed, adding it to a special complaint list. "Yes, we've been getting a few like that today. The registers over at the returns' desk can fix your total or refund you completely." The customer was satisfied with his answer and went to returns, while Hoagie glared over his shoulder and shouted "Phil, did you put decimals on any of the signs?! Do you know how many prices returns' has to fix?!"

"My bad, I forgot to carry the twelve." He heard back, the answer did not alleviate his concerns for the guy one bit.

Numbuh 1 made a mad dash to the baby care department with Numbuh 5 hot on his heels. "Numbuh 1, this is crazy! Let's just find the lightbulbs and gather the team, so we can get out of here!"

"SCREW THE LIGHTBULBS, I'M ONTO SOMETHING BIGGER THAN THAT!" The bald boy frantically looked through the diaper bags on the shelf, his eyes widening at one as he exclaimed "AHA! I KNEW IT!"

Abby skidded to a stop to avoid colliding with the enormous bag of diapers Numbuh 1 thrust towards her. Her eyes landed on the size, and she followed his erratic 'logic' "So they sell triple extra large diapers, is this supposed to be proof that Professor XXXL is running the store?"

"Don't be preposterous, Numbuh 5. He couldn't manage a business if his always changing animal parts depended on it." Nigel scoffed. "He just funded the research."

It was impossible for Numbuh 5 to comprehend how Numbuh 1's brain worked. She was actually a little scared to find out where he was going with this. "Please, please tell Numbuh 5 this is going somewhere that makes sense."

"It is, I have all the pieces now." Numbuh 1 confirmed gravely. "By selling goods that contain the Professor's 'name' it provides free exposure, then more people will flock to his social media and provide him with more followers. In exchange, he provided the solution on how to freeze snow cones just enough that it stays in place but isn't so hard that you break your teeth. With that technology, they can freeze living cells to an acceptable level that anyone can be harmlessly frozen. They used that to put the business bureau board on ice, so the store could be illegally instated to hide the anti-children bioweapon development going on behind the scenes. Since the store was opened without a permit, they were also able to start a Kids Club members program to gain information on the local children. They feed this information to the 'Auto' bioweapon, and it will seek out its targets while they sleep and infect them with a pathogen that makes them constantly hyperactive. Parents won't want to be around their children while they are in that state, so they will send them to the monthly Kids Club in-store day camp where they harness the unending energy of the child to put them to work powering an assembly line below the store like hamsters in a hamster wheel. The assembly line produces everything the store sells to cater to adults who have time without their kids, and they buy it while their children slave away. The cycle repeats itself every month until the kids work themselves to death."

Numbuh 5's face was unreadable. Whatever she was feeling, she channeled it all into her hat as she took it off of her head. The red cap smacked the bald boy hard enough that you could hear the pain. "For zero's sake Nigel, NOT EVERYTHING IS A CRAZY CONSPIRACY!"

"THEN EXPLAIN THE DIAPERS NUMBUH 5! EXPLAIN THE DIAPERS!"

"Did you hear something?" Numbuh 3 turned around to her companion. She and Numbuh 4 had left the kitchen aisle for the urban warfare (and makeup) aisle. Kuki could have sworn she heard a British voice screaming about diapers.

"Eh, probably just the wind." Numbuh 4 shrugged, he was going through the rows of mini-hand grenades trying to see if any popped out to him. "D'ya think oi should pull a pin or two to check if these make a big enough explosion?"

Kuki gaped at her crush's lack of common sense. "No! If you open it, then we'll have to buy it! Bradley wouldn't want a used set of grenades… and he can shoot missiles, so I don't think he'd need grenades." It was a good thing she was there to remind Wally not to accidentally waste their money. If he blew up the store, they'd never get the shopping done!

Agreeing with Numbuh 3's point, Numbuh 4 checked out the rest of the aisle. There was a really nice firework that caught his eye called 'The God of Destruction'. It wouldn't be a suitable gift for the skunk, but he'd remember to put it on his own birthday list when it came around. "Y'know, maybe we can find him some new kind of missile? Loike, what if there's a missile that shoots another smaller missile?"

"Ooh, good thinking Numbuh 4!" Kuki clapped her sleeves together and started searching the stock with him. To both of their dismay, the missile selection was very poor. "Where's all the fun missiles? These are all the same?!" Everything was so basic, nothing came with confetti or a panini press or any fun extras.

Wally moved some boxes aside on the bottom shelf, clearing the way to make a small tunnel for him to crawl through. "Sometimes people hide the good stuff in the back. Then no one else can find it till ya get back with your mum." He paused. "Not that Oi've ever done it."

The green-clad girl kneeled down and listened to the sounds of Numbuh 4 digging a tunnel through the warfare aisle. His voice was veering towards the left, so she followed him down to the end of the aisle. With a dramatic gasp, Kuki saw something that she needed to frantically warn her best friend about. "WALLY LOOK OUT! You're heading straight into the eye-shadow selection! All the colors are for winter's, but you're a summer!"

Letting out a cross between a terrified shriek and a panicked yelp, Numbuh 4 reversed course and cautiously crawled backwards away from the cosmetics. Kuki coached him as he carefully maneuvered his way out, making sure to avoid accidentally bumping into the makeup at all cost as he crossed through the tunnel of possibly armed bombs and weapons. Once he got to the entrance he made, Numbuh 3 took him by the hand and helped the shaken boy to his feet. "That was almost a disaster. Don't these people know how dangerous it is to keep the makeup roight next to the ammunition? Someone could have gotten their nails painted!"

~KND~

Numbuh 1 had to be dragged by the ankle over to the customer service counter. Numbuh 5 could handle his crazy conclusion-jumping when it came to missions, BUT SHE JUST WANTED SOME CRUDDY LIGHT BULBS WITHOUT A FREE HEADACHE ATTACHED.

"What are you doing Numbuh 5?! We don't have any intel on what the 'auto' bioweapon could be vulnerable to! We need to-"

"WE NEED- to get you a full night's sleep!" The 2nd in command shot back at her commander. "Look, if we ask nicely, they may let us take a peek behind the scenes. Then you can stop ranting like a lunatic and let Numbuh 5 finish shopping in peace."

Nigel crossed his arms, pouting as he was still being dragged across the floor. "I'm not ranting, I'm exclaiming." he muttered under his breath.

The two approached the counter with the ad for the 'Kids Club'. Abby had to peer up to see over the tall barrier as she called out to the employee on the other side. "Uh, excuse me? My friend and I were wondering if we could see what goes on in the auto department. He's a little fixated on their being some sort of secret weapon being developed back there."

The man behind the counter turned around, it was Chester. "The Kids Next Door! I should have known you'd uncover my 'Actually Ultimate Twerp Obliterator' before we even got to the testing phase!" He dramatically pointed his finger towards the two kids.

"I KNEW IT!" Numbuh 1 shouted, completely vindicated. Numbuh 5 just sort of blanked out with disbelief.

"So it looks like we'll have to move up the testing phase… to now!" Chester took a remote and pressed the only button on it. A rumble shook the store, the source was from the auto department. A garage door opened and out came some freaky, hairless goblin-rabbit thing whose shriek sounded similar to the Toiletnator when his 12-ply got caught in a lawnmower. The 'AUTO' leaped across the top of the shelves and followed its inner homing beacon towards its creator. The hideous freak that mother nature not dare create arrived at the customer service desk and… snuggled up to Chester? "WOAH- Easy fella! This thing thinks I'm its dad." The raised eyebrows of the kids indicated that they had several questions about this. Unfortunately, Chester chose to answer the one they never wanted to hear. "If you think this is weird, then you should see how it acts around its 'mom' Professor XXXL." Even more unfortunate was what happened next. "AUTO, after those kids! Oh, but don't infect them with the pathogen. Just rough em' up and bring them back to me."

AUTO gave a shriek in reply, ready to make its papa proud. It set its sights on the kids, locking onto them like targets while it memorized their faces. Numbuh's 1 and 5 took a few careful steps back… then ran like crazy with AUTO in hot pursuit.

In between ragged breaths as they ran, Nigel felt the need to rub his rightness in Numbuh 5's face some more. "What-(huff) What did I tell you?! Anti-children bioweapon! (Huff) And it spreads pathogens! AND XXXL IS THE MOMMY!"

Numbuh 5 was still processing what was happening, after Chester revealed himself she couldn't do much but gape in horror and befuddlement. How? HOW?! "... Numbuh 5 thinks a little part of her died today." Then AUTO jumped in front of their path. "Let's hope the rest of me doesn't die along with it!"

Meanwhile, back in the tech department, Numbuh 2 had just finished helping another customer when he noticed two familiar faces enter the department. "Hey, guys! What can I do ya for?"

Kuki and Wally were pleasantly surprised to see Numbuh 2 on the employee's side of the desk. "Numbuh 2, Oi didn't know ya worked here?" Numbuh 4 spoke while his best friend came around to talk to them.

Hoagie gave a tiny shrug. "Yeah, I somehow ended up employee of the month already. And I've only been here twenty minutes."

"We're still looking for Bradley's gift." Kuki informed him. "We thought maybe he'd like a new video game?"

Maybe it was just him, but Numbuh 2 saw a problem with that idea. "Uh… Bradley doesn't own a system? Wouldn't we just keep the game in the treehouse?" It sounded more like a gift for them than the skunk. Evidently it seemed neither of his friends had thought of that either, considering the enlightened reaction and mumbles of agreement they gave him.

That crossed 'video games' off of their list of gift ideas. It was on to their next destination. "Come on Numbuh 3, let's go take a look at the auto department. They moight have some kinda race car attachments we can give him." The blonde suggested.

It turns out they didn't need to go to the auto department. At that very moment, the last two members of the team ran through screaming and collided with the three already in the tech department. AUTO skid across the aisle and snarled its fangs(?) at its original two targets and the three new targets.

Numbuh 3 didn't notice the danger of their new arrival and gave it the usual 'Kuki Sanban brand' reaction. "Eesh, what kind of food are they giving the guys in the pet department?" AUTO struck its claws(?) out and would have left a nasty mark on the girl if Wally hadn't pulled her back at the last second. "WOAH-"

Hoagie, however, had the appropriate reaction. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF SWEET CHILI DOGS IS THAT THING?!"

Numbuh 1 answered 2 by triumphantly shouting "It's vindication!"

"Yeah, that still doesn't answer anything." Numbuh 2 felt he'd missed some important context. Turning to Numbuh 5, she gave a gesture that promised an explanation when this was over.

Back to actually having to deal with the problem at hand, AUTO slowly, menacingly approached the five kids. Sector V were backed into a corner, I mean not literally, they were backed up against the TV displays and there was plenty of room to run on either side of them. Though none of them could be sure they'd be able to duck out of the way without getting mauled. The shortest one of the bunch grit his teeth and whispered to the others while not breaking eye contact with AUTO "Anyone got any broight ideas on how we're gonna get away?"

Numbuh 2 snapped his fingers, getting a bright idea of how they were going to get away! "I got this." He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted. "CALL SECURITY!"

AUTO barely had enough time to look confused before a group of underpaid, teenage employees tackled it. "Have a nice day!" "May I assist you sir or madam?!" "Do you have a coupon for your purchase today?!" Between the oddly polite questions overlapping one another, the fourth guy punched AUTO in the eye(?).

With their foe distracted, Numbuh 2 led the group away from the tech department and got them a good few aisles away before the monstrosity broke free of the teen workers. It honed into the scents of its prey (which smelled mostly of sugary cereal, ice cream and the odd whiff of a single block of emergency cheese) and tracked them down. Sector V weaved through the sections, on the lookout for something to turn the tides. Auto caught up to them once they passed the household essentials, jumping over the top of the aisle and landing on (and crushing) a random shoppers' cart. "Hey, watch it pal! I got eggs in there!" The guy angrily waved his fist at the questionable creation.

Doing an unnecessary back-flip, Numbuh 1 stood with a display shelf behind him and reached his hands behind his back to grab whatever he could. "Kids Next Door-BATTLESTATIONS!" He dual-wielded a pair of soap dispensers and shot its contents into AUTO's eyes. Chester's creation/possible-son screeched and furiously rubbed its face to be rid of the stinging pain.

The soap assault was followed by a blast from a S.P.I.C.E.R. courtesy of Numbuh 2. "Am I the only one who brought a weapon along even though we were told we didn't need one?" He looked around at his other teammates.

"Nope!" Kuki brought out a F.R.A.P.P.E. from seemingly nowhere. "You never know if there's going to be a crazy mob of ladies with coupons when you go shopping!" She added a cool contrasting ray to the burning one already roasting AUTO.

Numbuh 5 didn't need a weapon, she did an actually necessary back-flip and grabbed the long limbs atop AUTO's head (kind of looked like rabbit ears but no one could be sure) and yanked them back hard. She rode it like a mechanical bull, refusing to be bucked off no matter how frenzied it got.

"Oi got this guys!" The rest of Sector V didn't notice when Numbuh 4 slipped away, but they regretted taking their eyes off of him when he returned with a firework in hand. 'The God of Destruction' that the short operative had been eyeing earlier was in his grasp and ready to launch.

"WALLY NO!" his teammates shouted in horrified unison.

The firework was aimed at AUTO and… nothing happened. "Crud, need to light the fuse." Numbuh 4 muttered. While his teammates wiped their brows with relief, their shortest member scampered over to the line of fire and lit the fuse with the blast from the S.P.I.C.E.R. "There we go!" 4 turned the firework towards the affront against nature and shouted "FEEL THE POWER OF THE FOURTH OF AUGUST!"

'The God of Destruction' went off and exploded into AUTO faster than one could blink. The blast succeeded in sending the adversary flying over maybe a dozen aisles, and it also launched the one who launched it like a bullet in the opposite direction. "Numbuh 4!" The green sleeved operative tried to catch the boy as he flew towards her screaming. Kuki ended up being pulled along with him as the green and orange blur smashed into a display of air fresheners.

The world was spinning for both operatives. "Urgh, thanks Kuki." Wally held his head, which had popped up from the pile of air fresheners that buried the duo.

Numbuh 3 gasped with joy as she resurfaced with something in her hand. "Wally, look! It's a 'New Car Smell' air freshener!"

Her crush was on the same line of thinking, grinning as he checked out the freshener. "It's perfect for the lil' smelly guy!" As much as they all loved Numbuh 6, he smelled. Like, really bad.

AUTO wouldn't be gone for long, the kids had to figure out how to take the monstrosity down once and for all. Numbuh 5 already believed this trip couldn't get any stupider, then Numbuh 4 blew that expectation away with a firework that DIDN'T backfire horribly on them. She inhaled deeply before speaking. "OK. Numbuh 5 has had enough of today. Before the lovechild of two red-headed villains gets back, we need to figure out a plan." She turned to the team leader. "You have been the craziest one today, and you were still totally right. So as scared as Numbuh 5 is to ask this, how do we destroy that thing?"

Nigel's sleep-deprived yet insightful mind ran over all the information they had on AUTO. Taking into account the wind velocity and how insane the people behind the bioweapon were, there was only one logical weakness they could exploit. "That thing has been cooped up in a dark room for its entire life. Combined with the pathogen which obviously requires a cybernetic immune system to keep it from being infected itself, the AUTO has a double weakness that can be easily exploited. Numbuh 5, it's time to get what you came here for!"

~KND~

AUTO hunted its prey across the store (noting that the scent of a new car had been added to what was currently established), and managed to track the kids down to somewhere close to the checkout lanes. A whistle got AUTO's attention. It turned around to see the five kids all holding industrial-grade flashlights. The one wearing a pilot cap grinned "Hey AUTO, guess how many operatives it takes to screw in a light bulb?"

"Ooh! Ooh! I know!" Numbuh 3 frantically waved her hand in the air. "Numbuh 5 does it while the rest of us run in panicky circles!"

"I mean, yeah but…" The interruption had thrown off whatever joke Numbuh 2 was going for. She wasn't wrong though.

Numbuh 4 grew impatient. "Just turn the stoopid lights on!" The time for a witty one-liner had passed, the team switched on the flashlights in unison. The lights were absolutely blinding for AUTO, who screeched in pain while its eyes(?) were literally burning. Frankly, it was pretty terrifying to watch. Good thing this is just text.

With AUTO blinded and possibly mutilated, Numbuh's 1 and 5 charged forward and wrapped the extension cords powering their flashlights around the bioweapon. The electricity flowing through the cables was just enough for the cybernetic immune system (that Numbuh 1 was right about) to be overcharged and short circuit itself from the inside. "What a shocking turn of events." Numbuh 5 quipped.

"OH COME ON!" Numbuh 2 threw his arms up in the air, once again missing the opportunity for a pun.

Watching AUTO's eyes burn out of their sockets had been disturbing enough. Watching the whole creature writhe and practically implode on itself while screaming to death would replay in their dreams for weeks… maybe. AUTO finished sparking and contorting with a few twitches, horribly mangled but somehow still alive. It wasn't going to go after any more kids, Chester was going to need to take whatever remained of AUTO to therapy for weeks… definitely.

"And so ends another evil plot against kids everywhere." Nigel spoke dramatically.

Paying him not much mind, Numbuh 5 walked back over to where they had gotten the flashlights from and picked out the correct bulb that she needed. "Man, we searched all over the store trying to find these. How'd you find 'em so fast?"

"Oh, I knew where they were the whole time. I saw them when we came in." Numbuh 1 revealed.

It took the other three operatives combined to hold Numbuh 5 back before she could strangle their leader.

~KND~

The five moved over to the registers. Numbuh 5 went to pay for her stuff first, and 3 and 4 after her. Numbuh 2 was a little bummed he couldn't get what he came here for, but a hand on his shoulder reminded him that he had found something else. "Tech Guru 2-" One of the teenage tech workers bowed to him, the other three followed suit. "It was like, righteous of you to show us your ways."

Though managing them was a headache, Hoagie was gonna miss these guys. "Just try and remember what I taught you… and I'll leave my notes." He did not have high hopes of them retaining his training for long. "And with this, I must bid you farewell." the kid made a brief saluting motion.

Numbuh 2 received his own salute in return. "We totally promise you will live on in folk songs." The teen assured him.

Abby finished paying for her lightbulbs and an air freshener was placed on the counter and quickly paid for by the young duo (coughcough-couple-cough) "Ya know what Numbuh 3?" The shortest member of the group spoke while she took the bag. "Oi think we found the perfect gift, Numbuh 6 is gonna love this."

"Yeah!" Kuki agreed. "And the perfect gift needs the perfect gift bag! I have just the one back at the treehouse!" She was the first to exit the store, already running with a skip back to the aircraft they came in.

"Wait…" The blonde paused, rusty gears turning in his head. "Ya better not be thinking about that cruddy Rainbow Monkey one ya gave me last year!" He chased after her, there was no way anything he picked out was being delivered in a Rainbow Monkey package!

The remaining three operatives walked out at a much more casual pace than the two before. Numbuh 5 carried her bag and gave Numbuh 1 a stern look while they walked. "You need to get some sleep when we get back."

The leader rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "You sound just like my mom. And my dad… and my uncle."

Oh but wait, there's still one more loose thread left unaccounted for! Chester finally came over to where his creation lay in agony, twitching and smoking like an electrocuted donkey. "Noooohoho!" he sobbed and fell to his knees. "AUTO! How could my ridiculously overcomplicated evil plan fail already!?" And if that wasn't already bad enough, Chester heard the sound of frozen footsteps not too far away. "Oh NO! The Business Bureau Board is defrosting, and they're after me!" The ineffective villain runs away screaming from a slow and half-frozen angry mob.

end transmission