coming back to fanfic and writing after a long, long hiatus. yes the title is based off the netflix show rip gone too soon

i. for the time being

"I just think— you know— maybe moving will help change your perspective on things. And getting a new sense of scenery! Doesn't living on a military base get kind of boring?"

"You tell me. You're the one on a floating island."

Reddened cheeks puffed out in stifled chagrin, but cerulean eyes glinted with an encroaching embarrassment that quickly gave way to a defeated sigh. Despite the obvious deflation in her shoulders, Melissa's demeanor never faltered from the bubbly manner she always carried herself in. We both sat in obscure silence for a moment before bursting into laughter. Melissa's was far heartier than mine, but the joy carried within our tones were equal in capacity.

"Okay, but I-Island is still a lot of fun! There's always something to do." Melissa's face scrunched up into a playful scowl. "Isn't living there just planes and tanks and stuff?"

"And hot soldiers," I added as an aside, mindlessly twirling a lock of hair around my finger. "But no, the base is just like living in any other town." I paused. "If that town was the only form of civilization you were allowed to interact with for miles and miles."

"Ah, so a lot like I-Island then."

"Mhmm. But with a lot more land."

Melissa giggled again. I watched her move from one side of her lab to the other on the screen. She tinkered with a few trinkets and furrowed her brows, mumbling something unintelligible beneath her breath before shaking her head and returning to her camera. She stopped for an instant to look at herself and take her hair out of its ponytail, fluffing her flaxen tresses to fall seamlessly around her shoulders.

"I am officially done for the day," Melissa huffed, plopping back into a rolling chair and letting it carry her to the other side of her lab.

"A new record," I hummed. Melissa laughed lightly.

"It's the weekend. I'm doing myself a favor." She readjusted her glasses on her nose. "But seriously, Cassie, this could be a good thing for you! Papa always told me that the unknown is just a hidden paradise."

I bit back the frown that had begun to find its way across my lips. Melissa was the better half of our friendship; she was the optimist. The resentful part of me wanted to remind her that she wasn't the one who was being forced to move halfway across the world, but Melissa was the last person who deserved to be on the receiving end of my pettiness. I held my tongue, but the spite lingered. I was, by nature, a person of routines. I relished in monotony. Living on a military base made my definition of normalcy far more defined, but ever since I was told by my mother that I was being sent away to stay with my aunt— her sister— I began to question what that normalcy entailed, and how I was ever going to get it back while in Japan.

I had been there for the first few years of my life, but I was too young to recall any significant memories beyond distant sounds and the occasional hauntingly familiar scent. Sandalwood was always so prominent, but the blurred colors and fading echoes felt so far away now. Half of my heritage came from Japan, yet I felt like nothing more than a stranger.

I offered a tight lipped smile and hoped Melissa wouldn't push any further. She wasn't necessarily nosy, but she liked prodding, and I couldn't bring it upon myself to gather the energy to explain my misgivings if she asked.

"I guess so," I muttered noncommittally. I sighed at the feeling of white noise buzzing in the back of my head; a constant thrum that fluctuated at random intervals. I felt a particular, familiar spike come closer.

"Hey, I gotta go," I said, moving to close my laptop lid. "I'll talk to you later. Love you, bye."

Melissa was unsurprisingly confused by my sudden haste. She said her own goodbye before I ended our call, slamming the lid shut just as the spike peaked. My eyes shifted to my room door as it opened and I was immediately greeted with a presence far larger and more imposing than my own. She stood high atop every pedestal she was placed upon with a wide smile and a promise for prosperity. I never had any doubt that was why she was Number One. Sapphire eyes eerily similar to mine shimmered excitedly with anticipation for something bigger than myself, and I dreaded that more than anything else.

"Hey, kiddo," she said, leaning against the doorframe. "Are you all packed up and ready to go?"

"Yeah," I answered. I slipped out of bed and hesitantly walked towards her, struggling to remain upright beneath her suffocating aura.

"Good! Come downstairs, I got us lunch."

"Alright," I said. "Mom."

I trailed after her like a loyal shadow, ignoring the news reports on the TVs I walked past of Star and Stripe; America's savior, the world's strongest woman, the Emissary of Justice. It almost felt like a cruel twist of irony all things considered. The country gave her prestigious epithets as a reward for her duty and sacrifices for it. Mother usually stood among such appellations, but that implied her duties and sacrifices were for me as well. I could deal with the absences; I could deal with the anonymity. The world didn't know that Star and Stripe was my mother and I could deal with that, too. That was part of the reason why she considered sending me to Japan in the first place, but I couldn't help but wonder how much of it was for my sake, and how much of it was for hers.

Lunch was Chinese takeout from a restaurant nearby our house on the base. It was a personal favorite of Mom's, especially on her cheat days, but I would be lying if I said I was a particular fan of it. I had become a stickler about food after she began to train me in preparation for hero work a few years ago.

Despite inheriting the genes for her height (or so I've been told, demonstrated by the way my classmates would gape at me every time I told them I'm 5'9), I didn't have quite the same luck with build. I had developed a bit of muscle in my biceps and my stomach had finally toned out, but Mom had a six pack and bricks for arms. In comparison, I barely managed to scrape by.

I hesitantly poked at a piece of broccoli soaked in grease, holding back the urge to wince so as not to alarm her. After slurping up a mouthful of lo mein, she pointed her chopsticks at me, offering a bright smile that only made me sink further into my chair.

"So, are you excited?" she asked, her tone a touch too eager for my liking. "Ready for the big move?"

"Not really," I hesitantly murmured, intentionally keeping which question I was responding to vague. There was a slight pull in Mom's lips. I chose to focus on the food.

"Look, Cassie… I don't want you to think I'm some sort of—" She gestured at nothing in particular. "Some sort of bad guy."

"You're not, though." I forced myself to eat a piece of beef. "I mean, you're a hero after all."

She chuckled, mildly amused for half a second, but her expression fell as quickly as it lifted. I hated these talks between us. They were always forced and uncomfortable. It was only out of respect I didn't just leave right then and there, as overwhelming as the urge to was.

"Your aunt will be happy to see you," Mom finally said. I exhaled deeply through my nose. In the seconds after her statement, I thought of what would happen if I decided to drop everything and scream. I thought about getting up and flipping the table, angry at moving and Japan and soggy, salty Chinese food. I thought about what would happen if, theoretically, I disappeared to Switzerland and changed my name to live out the rest of my days as a sheep herder.

I didn't say anything. The truth was that I often had so many ideas, so many potential realities playing out in my head, but never the will or the energy to act upon them. I sighed and nodded, because it was the only thing I could bring myself to do. Mom smiled, and the best I could give her was a half hearted excuse me as I got up from the dining table. My legs suddenly felt like they were laden with lead, but I forced myself upstairs regardless, to my room, the only place that felt like comfort was guaranteed. I closed the door as quickly as I could and slowly slid down the wooden surface.

I wanted to believe in people like Melissa who always tried to reassure the idea that everything would work out in the end. It hurt even more to think about because I knew the truth better than anyone. I felt the sting of tears in my eyes and they fell before I could catch them. The dams burst shortly after that.

With no one and nowhere else to turn to, the only thing I could do was cry.

I had an irrational fear of flying.

Despite being fully aware that in theory, planes were safer than cars, trains, boats, and even the likes of space shuttles, phobias cared little for logic. Hypothetically if the worst were to happen— massive engine failure, aerial hijack, a clueless bird or two unfortunate enough to get sucked into the wind turbines— I could use my Quirk to escape, but it was less about getting away and more about the fear of something happening at all— the fear of helplessness.

The flight from the base to Shizuoka was a grueling twelve hours. As soon as I took my seat, I downed as many sleeping pills as medically possible without going into a coma and let sleep take over. I don't remember much after that; only the garbled announcement of the flight taking off, and deep, abyssal darkness. I was only awoken by a sharp tug that jolted my body forward, resulting in an unceremonious meeting between my forehead and the seat in front of me. I didn't move for a while after that, instead focusing on trying to restore feeling in my legs first before attempting to stand.

Once I managed to regain my ability to walk, I stepped out of the jet and onto the wet pavement of the runway below. A storm had just passed and the wind made sure to make its remains known. A bitter breeze blew, forcing me to hug myself as I shuddered. It never got too cold back in Los Angeles; I was far out of my league here.

My sense had simmered in the winter air, but a sudden spike drew my attention to the right. Piercing the darkness were bright red flames burning so hot I no longer had to try to warm myself. The methodical blinking lights of the airport revealed a hulking man covering himself in the same flames, and beside him was none other than my aunt. In the vermillion light, her green eyes sparkled as strands of her brown hair clung to her face. Her resemblance to Mom was almost uncanny; there was no denying the two were related.

"Auntie Christina," I greeted with a nod.

"Cassiopeia." Her smile was as warm as I remembered it being, and it made my chest ache. "Welcome back."

I winced at the insinuation of 'home', but fell into her arms as she opened them. I listened to the steady beat of her heart as my head lolled against her chest. I had spent the better half of my life convincing myself I didn't miss these moments, but with hugs having been so scarce back home, I welcomed the embrace.

"You're familiar with Endeavor, right?" Christina asked, stepping aside to gesture to the flame covered man. I nodded out of respect, but my knowledge of him was limited to his name, Quirk, and the fact he was the one who stood closest to my mother's mentor.

"Nice to meet you, sir," I greeted. I almost felt like a mindless soldier dutifully following orders. My body instinctively went for a salute, but I managed to halt my movements in time to offer a bow instead. Endeavor simply huffed, locking his arms across his broad chest as if annoyed more than anything that he had to be here. Truthfully, I couldn't blame him.

"I bothered Endeavor-san to accompany me to meet you here," Christina said, chuckling. "The HPSC didn't want me to come here alone as a safety precaution."

"Oh—" I sounded. I was quickly reminded of the stifling cold when another breeze came and I immediately hugged myself again, teeth chattering in time with my shivers. Christina laughed, much to my chagrin, and unwrapped the scarf around her neck to tie it around mine instead. Memories rushed in at the scent of sandalwood and jasmine. It promised comfort and security, luxuries I had learned to ignore for the sake of my own sanity.

As we began to walk forward, another frigid wind ran its course through me, but even as my cheeks were pricked by icy needles, I managed to smile.

I stood for a good fifteen minutes debating on whether to walk away or not. I firmly believed that people, if nothing else, deserved to determine how they were going to die. I think many would choose not to die at all if it were possible, but because people thrived in absolutes, blazes of glory were probably a close second. I didn't necessarily care how or when I was going to die, but I knew for certain I didn't want the cause to be high school.

The night before had been particularly difficult. Anxiety had me in its claws, sinking into my skin and engulfing my mind in doubt. My mother and aunt never hesitated to let me know they wanted me to attend Yūei High School, and I was in no position to deny them. It was my mother's dream school when she was my age and her mentor's alma mater. Its prestige was recorded in the awe of everyone who heard its name— known graciously as the top hero school in Japan and one of the best hero schools in the world. A few pulled strings and a dash of nepotism gave me a chance to apply for it, but something told me that was a complete waste of resources.

The entrance exam weighed on my mind, even more so when I remembered I was taking the recommendation exam. With Yūei being a school with an already laughably low acceptance rate, having a special exam on its own felt almost gratuitous, but I supposed such a top rated school needed a way to weed out the good from the great. Unfortunately, I didn't feel like I was either.

Christina told me the entrance exam included a physical component, common for hero high schools, but not something I was necessarily prepared for. I only trained enough to stay moderately in shape, and I hardly touched my Quirk. I took advantage of Mom's absence to lay in bed most days, though in the week between landing in Japan and now, my aunt took it upon herself to help me train, too. I still felt the burning of sore muscles as I tried to move my arm. At this point, though, there was no backing out.

Squaring my shoulders, I marched forward.

I felt the vulnerability that came with the vast emptiness of an early morning campus. Despite the buzzing at the edge of my sense, the vacantness of the surrounding area made me feel like I was the clueless protagonist in a horror movie. As I entered the main lobby, I took a moment to get a feel for the general layout. The front desk was occupied by a man who looked like he crawled straight out of the Wild West, complete with a red cloak and a cowboy hat.

"Here for the entrance exams?" he asked, straightening himself when he noticed me approaching. I nodded in confirmation. "Changin' rooms are down the hall and to the right."

I uttered a quiet thank you and scurried away as quickly as possible. I could feel the unease slowly bubble inside me. It started as a general sense of mild nausea before coalescing into paranoia befitting of certain doom. While I was more than fine with, and to an extent would have preferred going to the high school just down the street from Chris' home, I didn't want to deal with the verbal repercussions of failing because I didn't match up to what Yūei wanted.

I stifled the thought and decided to keep moving forward. If the worst were to happen, then at least I could say I tried.

I quietly surveyed the other applicants, people just like me who were riding on the possibility of being able to be known as a student at Yūei. The early morning meant my sense lacked the intense buzz it usually did during times like this, but a particular individual to my right was almost enough to overshadow all the other presences on my mental radar. Despite there being nothing in particular to smile about, the wide toothy grin on his face never faltered. The aura he stood with was bombastic and overwhelming in a way that reminded me of my mother, eliciting an unconscious scrunching up of my nose.

"Is something wrong?!" he asked, the sheer volume of his voice catching me by surprise. Shaken, I took a large step back, offering a tight lipped smile.

"No, no," I responded, clearing my throat. "Sorry."

"No need to apologize!" He took a large breath and kneeled over until his head slammed against the ground— hard. I yelped and stared in stunned horror as he rose to his full height, a trail of blood dripping from his forehead.

"Oh my god," a girl with green hair and sharp teeth gasped from behind me.

"Are you okay?" another girl with silky black hair tied into a ponytail asked.

"I'm fine!" The boy swiped his hand across his head. "I love blood!"

Beside him, another boy with the unique feature of his teeth sitting outside of his mouth snorted.

"There's something out there for everyone, right?"

If it weren't for my sense, I wouldn't have noticed the third boy amongst us all. I slightly leaned backwards to get a glimpse of him, but all I could see was a patch of red hair before a whistle demanded my attention forward. Standing far above us on the top of a small hill was a tall man with wild blond hair, carrying a megaphone.

"Okay, everybody!" he screeched, his voice loud and clear despite the distance. "Are you ready?! You'll be running a three kilometer long race using your Quirks! So do what you need to do to get first place!"

Looking at both sides, I had to take into consideration the fact that these were students who had mastered their Quirks in some capacity, and more than that, had amazing Quirks to begin with. Despite the bleeding boy not looking like much, recommendation students were considered a step above the rest, and that meant I couldn't let my guard down around him either.

Three… Two… One…

I just had to hope I could keep up.

START!

The second that came after the announcement happened impossibly fast. I was suddenly struck with a burst of cold wind that nearly toppled me over. I held my arms in front of me to protect from the debris, but when the dust settled, I was the only one still at the start line.

Shit.

A glacial path had been erected; its positioning made me think it belonged to the red head. In the distance, I spotted the figure of the ponytail girl, barely more than a speck, riding on a moped that left me wondering where it came from. Not too far behind was the green haired girl, appearing to have split into several different pieces, each one floating quickly and individually. I couldn't account for the other two, but that didn't matter right now. I squeezed my eyes shut. All it took was a moment. There was a tug at my very atoms; an unseen but tangible influence beckoned the forces that made up my being. I felt myself get pulled apart, expanding, before contracting and reforming beside the skull boy. He jumped at my sudden appearance, and I threw in an apologetic smile before teleporting again.

It was hard to explain what teleportation was like. It was instantaneous, and everything I felt, I felt for only a nanosecond. When I appeared again, another gust of wind threatened to throw me back. I looked up just enough to see it was the loud boy, who propelled himself with a cyclone of air around his legs. He glanced at me from over his shoulder and beamed.

"You're fast!" he shouted above the wind. "But I'm faster!"

He proved his point by torpedoing ahead, catching up with the redhead who propelled himself forward with continuous blasts of frost. I frowned and teleported once again, this time to the top of a nearby cliff, wanting to gain a better vantage point to determine just how far ahead the two were. I ran ahead until I reached the edge before leaping off and teleporting to where the two boys were, close to the ground. My momentum carried over, and I performed a somersault to break my fall.

The issue with my teleportation was that there was a slight delay between leaving point A and reaching point B. This discrepancy was more than enough to let the two not only catch up, but surpass me. There was a biting feeling of frustration, especially considering the fact that in this circumstance, I could only teleport to what was within my line of sight. But I've already come so far.

The wind the taller boy was controlling was far too troublesome to get close to. Assuming he could control individual gusts, I didn't want to risk approaching him and getting blown away while he got farther ahead. I turned my attention to the ice user, and with his silhouette barely visible, I teleported to him. When I reappeared, I was on his back. The added weight was enough to throw him off and it sent the both of us tumbling to the ground. I gasped as my world capsized, but I teleported once more before hitting the pavement. The same couldn't be said for the other, however. I watched with a twinge of guilt as he got to his feet, but with the finish line so close, I couldn't afford to sit by and try to be a good samaritan.

So instead I turned on my heels, stared at the finish line, and teleported for the final time.

When I opened my eyes again, I had reached my destination, but the wind boy was there too, pumping a triumphant fist into the air. My shoulders deflated at the obvious implication, but getting second place was an achievement on its own. I could settle for that. I passed.

Following right after was the girl with the moped, followed by the other, who reformed wholly once she landed at the finish line. The skull boy came shortly after them, with the ice boy being last, hopping off the mountain of ice he had created. Now able to see the redhead in full view, the first thing I noticed were the pair of differently colored eyes— a brilliant turquoise and a haunting silver, perfectly split just like his hair. There was something familiar about him that I couldn't quite put my finger on, and after that, I noticed the scar on his skin, but what many would consider an imperfection didn't detract from his appearance in the slightest. I was embarrassed to say he actually looked rather handsome.

"That was amazing!" I turned in time to see the wind boy running towards me, grinning just as proudly as he was at the beginning of the race. "Your Quirk is red hot! Seriously!"

The other two girls joined us, the one with the ponytail smiling cordially.

"Indeed. Teleportation Quirks are incredibly rare. It's no wonder you came first."

Caught off guard by the sudden attention, my ears and cheeks flushed, and my head nearly lowered past my shoulders.

"I actually came second," I groaned, turning to the tallest boy amongst us. "But if there's anyone to praise, it's you…" I trailed off, realizing I hadn't gotten his name yet.

"Yoarashi Inasa!" he introduced. I dipped my head in greeting.

"Tokage Setsuna!" the green haired girl beamed, showing off her sharp teeth in a generous smile. Somehow, I managed to return one of my own.

"My name is Yaoyorozu Momo. It's wonderful to meet you."

"Honenuki Juzo." The skull boy waved, joining us. "Sorry, but I wanted to be included!"

I laughed softly and shook my head. "I'm Utsui Cassiopeia."

"Cassiopeia?" Yaoyorozu parroted, blinking quizzically. "Like the constellation? That's a very unique name."

"Ah, yeah." Once again sheepish, my fingers brushed across the back of my neck. "Thanks."

The friendliness displayed by the others made me comfortable enough to want to continue the conversation, but I spotted the final boy in my peripheral, wiping off what I assumed was stray pieces of rime that had clung to his clothes during the race. The pang of guilt struck once again, and I excused myself from the group to approach him. Although we were told to do what we needed to win, I didn't know what coming in last meant for applicants. If someone like him were to get rejected in favor of someone like me, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

"Hey!" I called as I neared him, a touch tentative. "Um— back there? I'm sorry. It was pretty grimey and I—"

"Shut up," he spat, back turning towards me. "Don't act like you achieved anything with a cheap Quirk like that."

I immediately paused, feeling a powerful spike that left me utterly speechless. Untamed eyes reminiscent of a tumultuous tempest bore straight into my very core. Turquoise and silver promised raging seas and mighty thunderstorms, and in the midst of the deluge, I faltered. If his glare was a weapon, it would have sliced through my throat. I felt a burning between my collarbones, phantom pains rippling through my chest until pins and needles buried themselves beneath my veins. Before I could say anything else, he walked past me, shoving his shoulder into mine. Despite our similar heights, his larger build was enough to make me stumble. I nearly fell over, but a pair of strong hands kept me upright.

"You okay, Utsui-san?"

Yoarashi didn't look at me as he asked the question. When I followed his gaze, I saw it was locked firmly on the back of the boy's head. I felt hauntingly cold, like every drop of blood in my body had been replaced with mercury. My throat swelled with suffocating feelings— humiliation, above all— as the venom in his words began to sink in. The lump in my throat turned to stone. In spite of my overwhelming urge to cry, I held myself together, desperately picking up the pieces that were beginning to fall apart. I wouldn't cry. I didn't want anyone to see me cry.

"I'm fine," I managed to choke out. There was a crack in my voice, but I didn't break.

"Don't listen to him," Honenuki said, placing his hand on my shoulder. Tokage and Yaoyorozu joined, giving their own words of affirmation. The gesture warmed my heart, but the kindness made me feel all the more terrible. I forced a tight smile and shook my head, hoping to quell the nettling thoughts beginning to resound in my head.

"Yeah," I said. "I… I think I might go. It was nice to meet you all. Maybe I'll see you in Yūei?"

Yoarashi saluted, Honenuki waved, and Tokage and Yaoyorozu smiled. I was undeserving of the amiability, but self deprecation amidst the loads of censure I was putting myself through felt wildly inappropriate now of all times. I left before I could feel any worse, and for the sake of convenience, teleported home after gathering my things from the locker room.

Unsurprisingly, I came home to an empty house. Living with my hero mother made it so I expected nothing different from my hero-affiliated aunt, but I had to make an effort to ignore the pang of disappointment that struck my chest. As I placed down my things and headed to my room, the first drops of rain fell. I almost laughed at how it seemed like the universe was trying to tell me to give up. Morbid or not, sleep came relatively quickly after that.

In the hours after, I embraced the dark.

star and stripe get behind me