"…it's heftier than I thought it would be. Feels thicker in my hands, too."

"That's what I always say: looking at it is one thing, but feeling the real deal is another!"

"I like how it feels when I hold it like this."

"Keep going, you're doing great!"

"Like this?"

"Ooooh, yeah, just like that, work that shaft!"

"I'm surprised it hasn't gone off."

"Pfft, no hair-triggers here!"

"…but can I…?"

"Sure, go for it. Just put your hand here…"

"Like this?"

"Theeeere you go, real good, now press… a little more… just like that… and…!"

Sun's weapon split apart into nunchaku form.

"Nice!" said Sun as Neptune tried to wield the decidedly unwieldy weapons. "I'm glad I didn't load it before this exercise, you'd be spraying all over the place!"

"Seriously?"

Sun turned and Neptune paused his flailing so the two could look at Scarlet, who was the color of his namesake. "As the actual homosexual on this team," Scarlet went on, "I have to say that was the cringiest thing I've ever heard."

"I wish I could say the same," said Glynda Goodwitch as she passed by Team SSSN. Normally, her curriculum only mandated the partners-swap-weapons lesson once a year. Glynda had knocked that out with her Beacon students first semester, even if she'd barely survived the embarrassment.

Then, with no explanations of any kind, Ozpin had swung by the past week and, in between slurps of cocoa, said they needed to do the lesson again in second semester. They had all these visiting teams from other schools here for Vytal, he'd claimed, that hadn't experienced the pleasure of swapping. Why not show them how they did it at Beacon?

Glynda could think of a dozen reasons why not, her dignity being atop the list, but Ozpin had been undeterred. So here she was, again, watching teens swap weapons, again.

And, because "a Huntress' sword was her soul" and the distinction between weapon and self was blurry, she had to endure hormonal teens performing an act of great intimacy and coping with it poorly, again.

Glynda walked on, allegedly because she was supervising all the teams as they went through the exercise, but mostly to minimize the time she spent in hearing range of anyone.

Her luck was no better as she approached one of the Haven teams, the extraordinarily unfortunate Team CMEN. No matter how many times they insisted it stood for "clementine", not a single student nor teacher outside their team used that term.

(Somewhere, Roman Torchwick lit himself a cigar to toast that brilliant, if petty, bit of sabotage.)

Emerald was gazing longingly at Cinder. "If I have to do this, I'd rather have given my first time to Cinder."

"Simp," said Mercury with his usual insufferable grin. "Too bad for you that I'm your actual partner. Now give it up."

With visible reluctance, Emerald handed Mercury her weapons butt-first. "You're so gross, I can't believe I'm giving you any liberties."

"Believe it." Mercury swung the pistol-kamas experimentally, growing bolder when Emerald didn't stop him. "And trust me, I plan to go all the way."

Just pretend it's Cinder, Emerald thought to herself, trying not to watch Mercury.

Mercury hit the mechanism to discharge the weapons' chains and frowned. "Ugh, the action's so rough."

"Excuse me?" said Emerald, her head whipping back at him.

"Feel that," said Mercury, and when he ran his fingers along the mechanism there wasn't a hint of weapon oil. "It's bone-dry. There's so much friction. It'll rub raw like that, you know?"

"Well, shame on me if I don't use enough lube for your satisfaction," Emerald snarled sarcastically. "Ever consider that maybe it's your fault it's not wet enough?"

"I don't see how it could be," said Mercury with a shrug.

"Of course you don't. Typical."

"Sounds like a personal problem."

"You're my personal problem."

Mercury laughed at her, and something in her snapped. "Okay, your turn is over. I get to try your weapon now."

"You know that won't work," said Mercury, though he was not as nonchalant as he was aiming for.

"Oh, I get it," said Emerald, a dangerous look in her eyes. "You can dish it out, but you can't take it."

"That's not—"

"What, you don't want me to check your lubrication?"

"No, I really don't!"

"Too bad, 'partner'. Now bend over!"

As Emerald dove for Mercury's prosthetic legs and the two descended into a scuffle, the standoff between their teammates continued.

"You're supposed to be giving me your weapon so I can put it through its paces," said Cinder.

Neo made a gesture that said, in no uncertain terms, exactly where Cinder could stick Hush.

"Come on, everyone's doing it," said Cinder.

Neo smiled, but it was not a smile that conveyed cheer. She made a 'hands-off' gesture.

"You don't follow direction well."

Neo shook her head, still smiling.

"And I imagine you react to discipline even worse."

Neo's expression was daring. Try it, she seemed to say.

"Brat."

Neo pointed at herself proudly.

"So much for blending in," Cinder growled.

Neo pointed at Cinder, then crooked her finger.

Cinder scoffed. "As if your tiny body could take anything I could dish out."

Neo adopted the daring expression again. She held up Hush.

"A trade, then?" said Cinder. "You show me yours and I show you mine?"

Neo nodded.

"If you're as good as your word," Cinder said, and she reached for Neo's weapon.

The illusion shattered at the touch of her fingers.

Cinder crossed her arms. "You're a brat and a half."

Neo fanned at her non-existent blush.

"Hey, teach," Coco called over at Professor Goodwitch. "My team did this exercise last year. Why are we repeating it?"

"Every team competing in Vytal has to do it," Glynda said tiredly.

"Yeah, but why?"

Glynda had wondered that herself. She'd pressed Ozpin on the point, but the answer had been word salad with 20% extra dressing. Something something, "solidarity", something something.

All of which meant Glynda had neither the ability nor the inclination to shield him. "Blame the Headmaster," she said.

"Will do," said Coco. "Still, it'll be pretty lame to swap with our partners again."

"Then swap across your team," said Glynda. "Instead of swapping with your partner, since that's so far beneath you, mess around with someone else."

"Yes, ma'am," said Coco with chagrin. When she turned back to her team, Velvet was bouncing on the balls of her feet in excitement, while Fox was giving the smallest and most sardonic claps she'd ever seen.

"Enough of that," she said. "In that case, I'll swap with Ya—"

Yatsu and Fox were already swapping weapons. Stupid Telepathy semblance going faster than speech.

"What, you mean you don't want to swap with me?" said Velvet, looking almost hurt.

"O-of course I will," said Coco. "It just. You know. Means a little more to do it with you, instead of just a guy."

"Your partner is 'just a guy'?" said Fox, trying (and mostly failing) to brandish Yatsu's oversized sword. "I'm hurt."

"Oh, I get it," said Velvet. "It's like how it's one thing when you give a butt-smack to Fox, but it's a different thing when you give a butt-smack to—"

"Yeah, yeah, just like that," said Coco hastily, the red of her cheeks visible even around her sunglasses.

"It's okay," said Velvet, drawing her camera-projector from her back. "You know your way around these things, don't you?"

"Uh… yeah, sure," said Coco, trying to radiate confidence. She took Anesidora from Velvet with shaky hands. Her anxiety mounted.

Before she could do much of anything, she heard the sounds of Gianduja coming to completion. Her eyes snapped up to see a very satisfied-looking Velvet. "Wow, that was fast," Coco said.

"It's not my first rodeo," said Velvet, before she realized Coco hadn't gotten started yet. "Aren't you going to…"

"Yeah, sure," said Coco clumsily, "I just… I wouldn't want to waste any of your pictures. Like, this is your first time this semester, right?"

"Sure, but I don't want to get backed up too badly," said Velvet as she reformed Gianduja. "We can use some now to get a little relief and I can stock back up after. There's no better time than when there are all these exotic strangers here with so many new and interesting…"

"I get it," said Coco, fumbling with Anesidora still. "Where's the… where's…"

"The button?" said Velvet, confused. "You've seen me do it, I was sure you'd know how to find it yourself."

"I wasn't paying attention that way," said Coco, more flustered than ever.

"I thought you, of all people, would have more experience than this," said Velvet with amusement.

"It's not like the guys and their swords," said Coco, making a gesture to where Yatsu and Fox were fencing. "Their stuff is simple and obvious. This is…"

"…your first time with a woman's weapon?" said Velvet.

Coco said nothing, but her blush was up to inferno-grade.

"Let me help you finish," said Velvet smoothly. She moved into Coco's space, which only amplified Coco's agitation. Velvet's silky hand moved over Coco's and guided it. "There we go. Here it is. Right here. Just a little pressure… and…"

She helped Coco push the button.

An image of Coco's weapon exploded into being.

"Ooh," said Coco with a shudder.

Velvet hummed; with the close contact, the sound rumbled through Coco's chest. "Like I say, there's a first time for everything. I'm glad I was able to help you with your first."

Glynda cringed and moved away.

Unfortunately, there was no sanctuary to be found. Here, Team NDGO was sitting in a square passing its weapons from girl to girl in what its leader had called, in apparent innocence, a "daisy chain". There, Arslan Altan's weapon was apparently a rope dagger, and the rope had somehow wrapped around Reese Chloris'…

There was nowhere for Glynda to hide.

"It looks like the lesson is going well, then."

Glynda whirled on the spot with a surge of her weapon and semblance. The invisible power hit Professor Ozpin's mug so that a wave of hot cocoa splashed into the air; Ozpin smoothly maneuvered the mug so that all the precious liquid ended up back in it.

"As well as usual," Ozpin amended.

"Why is this lesson in the curriculum?" demanded Glynda.

"As part of the team-building process," Ozpin began, reciting words he'd said to Glynda before, "it helps to know just what your partner…"

"Stop," said Glynda. "Don't give me boilerplate. I know when you're saying something that's only part of the truth."

"Am I not allowed to have multiple reasons for the things I do?" said Ozpin with quirked eyebrow.

"Of course you're allowed," said Glynda as her eye twitched, "but I would appreciate if you told me the real reason. The biggest reason. The reason you insist on this particular lesson being in the curriculum, and why you always find time to show up and audit it."

Behind Glynda, there was a hum as Sun activated Neptune's electro-glaive. "Oh, yeah," hooted Sun, "now I'm really turned on!"

Ozpin took a sip of cocoa, smiled, and said, "Because it's funny."

"In that case," said Glynda in a voice low and full of deadly purpose, "perhaps we should try this lesson, too."

"Really!" said Ozpin in surprise. "What for?"

"Because it will be just as 'funny' when I take that 'Long Memory' and stuff it up your…"

"Now, now, Professor, be profession-allll!"

End.