When you woke, daylight had only begun to break. You must have just slept a few hours but you felt fully rested. You snuggle into your pillow until it dawns. That was not your pillow...The grogginess quickly dissipates. You were still cuddled up to Alastor, who for the first that you'd ever seen, was sleeping. He did not have a permanent smile even in his sleep as you'd once found amusement in thinking about. In fact, at this moment he looked peaceful. Almost something you could describe as sweet. Maybe even a little vulnerable. His ears would twitch as he slept and you so desperately wished to touch them, something you wouldn't dare ask to do whilst he was conscious but you did not want to break the trust he had placed in you by falling asleep in your company. You thought about cats, how they'll only sleep near someone they trust. Did he trust you enough to sleep, leaving him so defenseless? You lay there, breathing in this moment, breathing in him. He smelt of warm spice, cinnamon, amber and tobacco.

You felt like you wanted this moment to last for an eternity. For everything you had felt last night, this was a true moment of felicity. But no matter how pleasant this time together was, you felt the unease of when it could be ripped away creeping into your conscious thoughts. The trepidation that he would just blank you again. Everything he had done last night had been for your enjoyment only and would that cause him to resent you? You thought about Angel's reaction to, when you had mentioned your first encounter of a sexual nature or even Husk's reaction when Angel had eluded to it at the bar. It had never crossed your mind that sex wasn't something Alastor was interested in. After all, he had flirted with you, whispered sweet nothings of what he wanted to do to you. Alastor had said himself, it wasn't something he'd done in a long time. but you had only assumed he had not found the time or maybe the right person. Were you delusional for thinking that maybe you had been the right person? Had you pushed him into a situation he wasn't comfortable with?

You found yourself analyzing every word uttered between the two of you that night. Like the first time, it had been you who had suggested fucking or fighting. It had been you who began removing clothes first but he had said 'What is a man to do', that sounded like he wanted to. But then one moment rang out in your mind. When you'd said he didn't have to hold back, he said nothing of his desire to be gentle or rough. Only that 'He could tear you apart' but wouldn't because 'you were too precious to him'. What the hell did that even mean? Why couldn't you enjoy what had happened between you, why did you need to make this some kind of guessing game? Then again every moment with Alastor felt like a guessing game or sometimes a game of wits. Nothing was ever simple with him.

You felt Alastor stir from under you and you froze. Despite the stress you were inflicting on yourself, you didn't want things to end just yet. You spent the next hour just laying with him, watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest but thinking about how to greet him when he awoke. You were aware, that despite your actions, you were in no way romantically entangled with one another. Feelings may have bloomed for you and in some weird way, you had managed to fall for him. You were pretty certain he did not reciprocate those feelings. You didn't want to risk being too full on, something that might scare him off, something that might cause him to distance himself from you. You still couldn't believe how much you had missed him in that week without him. Hell had never felt so cold.

You decided it was finally time to get some coffee. You made two cups and headed back to his room. He was still thankfully asleep. Once again you found yourself staring at the serene visage before you. How calm he looked without a smile. You sat down next to him and to your dismay, you saw him crack open an eye. His entire demeanor switched in all but a few seconds. His eyes had shot open and the smile crawled back across his face. "Coffee?" You offer, holding out the mug to him. He takes it graciously but you feel his eyes study you. "Something on your mind mon chéri ?" His voice was still groggy. "Nothing at all." Your answer displeases him. "I believe in honesty among friends." This rings a bell to you, not entirely sure why but you feel as though this had been said to you at a once pivotal moment in your life before the afterlife.

You don't know what to say to him. Do you just spill your woes to him, unfiltered, refrain nothing? You place your mug of coffee on your lap, still holding the handle and tracing your finger around the rim. He places his hand on yours. "I don't know what to say, I feel stupid. I feel I get more out of our interactions than you do. I feel like I'm getting deeper into this and it scares me." You pause to take a breath. "I mean did you even enjoy yourself last night?" Your words are stopped as you once again feel Alastor's soft kisses upon your neck. "Do you have reason to doubt my enjoyment mon chéri?" He whispers. "You know you're excellent at deflecting things?" You say, pulling your shoulder up to your face to stop his tender kisses. "Thank you, my dear, I like to think I have quite a mastery over the English language," He said boastfully. "But yes, I did enjoy our time last night." You felt he was being partly true but still hiding something. "You know I believe in honesty among friends." You throw his own words back at him. He slides to the edge of the bed, now able to face you. "I am being honest, I did enjoy our time, just maybe not the same way you did." There was a sincerity to his answer.

"So you do enjoy sexual activities ?" You blurt out with no decorum. "No. I have no desire for such things" He replied more bluntly than you were prepared for. He always danced around questions and he just outright said it. It did feel like a sting in your heart. You had hoped that despite your pessimistic thoughts, you would be proven wrong. "So why did you..." You couldn't even finish that sentence, you felt your eyes well up. You felt so stupid, reading into something that wasn't there. "I should just leave..." You sigh out. He didn't try and stop you this time, you had kinda hoped he would. That he would pull you around, pull you into his arms, and tell you he was only joking. But he didn't.

You didn't know how much time had passed. After grabbing a bath, you'd gone to sulk on your bed. It wasn't until Angel came to join you that you realized you'd been here for the last 3 hours. That time seemed to have flown by as you lost yourself in your thoughts. "Guessing you didn't go to pound town last night if you're sulking like this?" He shrugs his shoulders and strolls over to you. "Don't worry about it, plenty more guys out there." he offered, trying to sound comforting in his own way. "No no, we did..." You could see the confusion on Angel's face. "So what, he was just really shit?" You shake your head at this "No, quite the opposite actually." You half-heartedly laugh out. "So I don't get it toots, what's the issue here? Wait! did he tell you that you sucked? Because I'm sure I can teach you a trick or two." Angel declared whilst making the motion of sucking a dick.

"He's just not interested in it. I don't get it, we did it but he doesn't like it apparently. Like what the hell." You stated. "Fucking knew it! Why else would he turn down yours truly!" Angel roared out as though his own ego had taken a hit when he had propositioned Alastor unsuccessfully. He takes one look at you before lowering his voice. "Well did you ask him?" Angel enquires. "No, I just got out of there. I just felt so idiotic." You want to curl back up in your blankets but Angel rips them back off you. "Well you go back up there and you ask him! After you fill me in on the details that is. A deal is a deal toots." Angel jests and whilst you didn't really wanna think about it, you kept to your word and filled him in on everything that had happened between you both.

"Hey, I don't know what you're so worked up about. You've got a guy who is willing to fuck you again and again. Don't have to worry about him cumming early and he's fully focused on you having a good time. What's not to love about that?" You felt as though Angel was reprimanding you, as though somehow you were being selfish at this moment in time. "Because I want him to want it." Angel just rolls his eye at your response. "I want him to enjoy..." You stop mid-sentence, and you think back to what he had said, he had said he did enjoy it. Had he lied to you? Especially after the whole honesty among friends bullshit. "You look like you're having a bit of a epiphany there sugar tits."

"Something a bit like that. I've gotta go clear some things up." Now feeling like you have some purpose. "Well always here if you need me. But really I'm gonna have to start charging you for my time toots" You chuckle at him before heading out to Alastor's room. Alastor however was not there. You supposed he did have other things to do besides sit in his room. You checked the kitchen, the lobby, and the piano room before eventually finding him in the library. "Hey! So I need to know something" You shout, your intrusion seems to catch him off guard. "Shhh, deary it's a library" He chuckled. " Ha ha," You laugh sarcastically. "Why did you enjoy it?" You could already see on Alastor's face he was trying to construct his next deflection but you weren't going to let that happen again. "No fancy bullshit. Just be open and honest. You said you enjoyed it but you don't enjoy sex. What does that even mean?" You demanded and there it was, the falter in his smile. You had expected your question to vex him.

"I enjoy pleasing you mon chéri." He states bluntly, offering no further explanation. You raise an eyebrow at him and tilt your head to the side slightly. "Is that not enough of a reason my dear?" You could feel he wasn't going to give you anything further. "Okay, so why do you enjoy 'pleasing me' What exactly do I offer to you?" You demanded once more. "You are quite interesting, most of these wretched souls are so predictable, and whilst I enjoy watching them fail over and over again. It's not often someone challenges me." You scoff at his response. "Oh sure, I challenge you. As you love to remind me, you could kill me, tear me apart if you wanted to. How the fuck do I challenge you" Your voice is now just below a scream as you feel anger building up from somewhere deep inside you. "And I still could if I wanted to, if you proceed to be so rude." Whilst his voice was still low, you could tell you were starting to get to him.

"Then come on, do it because I don't want to keep playing these games with you. Why is it so hard for you to be upfront with me? I would do almost anything you asked of me and you can't even be honest with me. So if you're going to do it then just fucking do it. I don't need any more of this head fuckery. I'm so sick of it now because I know if you asked me to jump, I'd ask how high without hesitation. You drive me insane and yet I know I would come crawling back in a heartbeat just to hear sweet words from your lips. It's pathetic and needy but I don't know how to tell you no. Yes I might say it for a second and in that moment I would mean it but I would break my back bending backward just to please you. So honestly if you want to kill me, if that's what would make you happy then do it because I would be happy to die at your hands knowing it brought you even close to the joy I feel at just being in your presence" You can feel the tears building up but not from pain or upset but from anger as the words flow out of you

Alastor slowly claps his hands. "And there it is, the side of you I have missed so dearly." He purred as he stepped towards you, removing one glove. "Take my hand mon chéri." You didn't want to but you felt compelled to do so and as you clasped your hand around his your vision went hazy. You saw flashes of yourself from someone else's eyes, your human self, maybe in your 20s, there was a body in front of you, one you were cutting up into smaller parts. Between you and this person, you were moving the body and laughing whilst doing so. You felt admiration towards yourself, is that how this person saw you? Your vision switches to another scene, another body. Then another and another and another. From what you could gather from the changing fashions, this was something that had gone on for years. Your vision hazes back once more and you're back in the library with Alastor, he releases your hand and places his glove back on. You were at a loss for words as to what you had just seen, to what had just happened. Alastor speaks but it just sounds as though he was underwater, unable to make out what he was saying. "I hurt people..?" You manage to mumble out. "Well they were dead, I doubt they felt it," Alastor said so apathetically. "Do you wish to sit down my dear?" He now was sounding concerned but you were still too in shock.

He guides you to a seat and helps you sit. He then crouches down so he is the same height as you then takes your hand and kisses the back of it. "Mon chéri, you are one of the most incredible women I have met in life and in death. Your devotion runs so deep and that is not something you find often." Your eyes widen at the realization. "That was you, your eyes I was looking through?" You choke out, your voice quivering. "Yes, my darling. You have always been such a valuable asset to me." Your head felt like it was going to explode, pressure building up inside you. "But I'm sure once we hone in your talents, you will become invaluable to me."

"My talents?" Were the only words you could mumble out, everything right now felt so surreal. "Yes, some demons acquire certain... parlor tricks as they grow in power and you have already exhibited some. I would be most intrigued to see how they develop." The way he spoke made you feel as though you were some kind of experiment in his eyes. "And what exactly are these parlor tricks I have?" You ask. "Hmm, from what I've observed so far, they are limited to touch but you seem to be able to access memories and feelings." He chuckled. "Seems rather ironic considering your own memories are a loss to you. But! Perhaps I can help you with that if you would so permit me?" He offered. "I don't know if I want to remember if that's what my life was..." Despite now slowly coming to terms with what you had seen, you still felt horrified by it.

"Angel told me about your venture the other night. How you had tried to kill another demon and then took their soul. Why are you supprised by such things mon chéri?" You hadn't exactly told Angel to keep that a secret but you did feel a little betrayed that he had blabbed that to Alastor. "I hadn't wanted to...It just came from nowhere" You stammered but that was a lie, you had wanted to but you also had not felt like yourself at that moment. "Not nowhere. You seem to be able to take as much as you give." This only left you with more questions. "I think this has been a lot for you mon chéri. Come, lay down, rest." You did not resist and instead followed Alastor to your room.

...

Alastor had not wished to play his hand so early but his mon chéri had a way of pushing him to do things before he wanted. He originally had hoped to keep anything of a physical nature to a minimum between them. However, when he had held his hand against her bare flesh, he had found himself incapable of restraining himself. Perhaps through no desires of his own but in that moment, her desires became his. Her pleasure became his. Something he'd first noticed in the piano room when he held her close to him, her pain had become his. Whilst this little party trick of hers had initially vexed him, not one to enjoy not being in control of his emotions. It did however have its perks. When she had presented herself to him in his bedroom, it certainly did make things more enjoyable. But even without this, he had relished in watching her reactions to his touch. He'd not intended to take things as far as they went but it seemed the more he touched her, the more he found he had found satisfaction in it.

What he did not like was how it seemed she drained something from him. She weakened him. When Angel had let slip what had happened with the other demon it was now clear. She might not be aware of it but she was taking strength from those she touched and wield it herself. Something that could be used to great effect. It had been a waiting game albeit not a long one. When she had cornered him in the library he had seen how deep her loyalty still ran. There was no need to play games anymore, pushing her away and lulling her back to him. She was his. And now he'd let her know what she was capable of, they could work on growing her strength. Although the news had been quite a shock to her, he was sure with a gentle hand she would soon come around to the idea.