KS does not belong to me

Chapter 10

Anna leaned against her eldest brother's torso, sitting on his lap, and swinging her legs sadly, as the family waited for updates on their mother's situation. Layla couldn't help but remember the many times she and her father had been in the same situation with her mother. He seldomly would allow her to go with him, though. He thought it would be better for her if she learned only about the good news and saw her mother on her healthier days. So, finding out about her death was very traumatic, especially at her tender age, overhearing it from the maids in the Hamilton manor.

Anna didn't deserve that if it ever happened. The Kaleido Stage performers hadn't come with them, although Sora wanted to. It wouldn't be good, media would always be around them; and, besides, it wouldn't be the best for their mother, given their history with the circus.

Mikhail was a pile of nerves. He would either be pacing back and forth, drinking water, or tapping insistently his feet on the floor, while seated. Alois tried to cheer him up, or distract him, failing miserably.

Even though he tried to stay strong for his siblings, Yuri wasn't much different inside. She knew it just by the way he squeezed her hand unsteadily, while gently stroking his sister's back and nuzzling the top of her head. Mikhail paced in front of them once again. It was making him even more anxious; she knew it.

"Misha, stop." He grabbed the youngest's arm on a whim, sitting him down forcefully. "It won't make time go faster. And you know it."

"Sorry. I just don't know what to do." His voice was small and shaken, as he lolled his head back, running his hands over his face.

"Praying never hurt anyone…" Their grandmother joined them, with Mikhail's ballet teacher, Mathéo, who she had met quickly before. Outside of the academy, he seemed much gentler to the teenager. "She is still on the procedure room. Damian just went in."

Damian was apparently the man's partner, who worked as a doctor in the same hospital. He had told him as soon as she had been admitted. Apparently, she had chest pain and passed out during work and her initial tests had indicated a possible heart attack, which was unusual for an otherwise healthy 36-year-old, so they had taken her to an angiogram.

"I'm sure she will be fine. She's been through worse." The old ballet dancer sighed, staring at the siblings. "Still… I worry about the Nutcracker's show. I don't think she should go watch. At least, not alone."

"She won't be alone. We'll be there." Anna stated. "Nanna will be there too. Even big brother, right?" Her celadon gaze pierced through his heart. He'd have to face his mother to actually be there. He had come all the way to the emergency with his siblings but wasn't sure whether he would get inside her room. His initial idea was probably to know whether she was alright or not, and leave it that way, if she knew him well. And that, she did.

"I don't know Anna; I won't lie to you. I don't think it would be wise to surprise her like that."

"And here I thought you'd taken after Nadja in intelligence." Mathéo snorted, patting Yuri's head as if he were a kid "Very bold of you to assume she hasn't any idea you are here. You really think she hasn't grasped your sibling's behaviour? You really think she doesn't know who your girlfriend is? Come on. Were we that stupid at their age, Ms. Maryann?"

He lit up a cigarette, and Ms Maryann smiled gently. "Ok, your girlfriend was not that obvious, but she knew that the only way Misha would have known her would be through you. From that, it wasn't too hard to guess. Besides, she is your mother. And a mother knows."

Their conversation was interrupted by the presence of a man who seemingly was the doctor in charge, accompanied by two assistant nurses.

"When Damian told me she had many people waiting outside, he wasn't joking. I have good news. Nadja is out of danger now. She had what we call the "Broken Heart Syndrome", which is a stress induced heart dysfunction." He explained. Yuri could finally breath normally.

"Still, as she happened to pass out and required intravenous therapy to keep her blood pressure at stable levels, I'd like to keep her here for one or two days. And she has been advised to slow down for a while. The next couple of weeks, at least. That's about average time for her heart to minimally recover." He laughed. "I wonder how she's going to do it; I get crazy with my ten-year-old boy at home, imagine her with three! That can't be easy. That is her oldest, right? The little girl?" Anna stared at her brothers quizzically.

"Oh, no, they are good kids." His grandmother answered promptly, seemingly trying to avert any further questions regarding the three. The last thing their family needed was anyone judging the ballerina for being a teenage mother, and her eldest for going around the same path.

The man nodded, staring curiously at both Yuri and her. Oh, there they went again. Yuri was the fast one to come up with excuses, but she doubted he could make up one that fast, given their previous situation. "Did anyone ever say you two look a lot like those performers from the Kaleido Stage who won the circus festival here in France years ago? I watched it."

"Yeah, they get that a lot." The ballet dancer was the one to reply. "Yet, I know the real ones and I can assure you they're quite different. Besides, this one here could never work with the trapeze; he has haemophilia, you see." He put his hand on Yuri's shoulders.

"Oh, I see. It would not be advised, no. I'll check on her later tonight. You'll be able to see her shortly."

The boy stared at the moonlight, the gentle breeze ruffling his blonde hair. Oh, how he loved that feeling. He sat at the balcony of the hotel room. The performers were waiting from news of their friends. He had come with them. Nothing good could have come if he had been there with the others, in the hospital waiting room.

Yet, every time he remembered the teary look on Anna's eyes, his chest felt hollow and his throat dry. He should be there with them. He should never have been so proud and reckless, otherwise…

He would still be with them.

But no, he thought only him seeing the Spirit of the Stage was enough to challenge the Legendary Great Manoeuvre.

Oh, what a prepotent idiot.

His thoughts were interrupted by a well-known voice to him.

"I thought I'd find you here." The Fool floated just beside him.

"Yeah? Why is that mister clown?" He asked, faking the innocent aura of a child.

"Because you would always come to the balcony to think, when you were alive."

"Oh, right. When did you realize?"

"Only one person to this date could bind me on a knot I couldn't undo. Because he was always overzealous of his girlfriend." He laughed.

"Well, you were faster than me, then. Everything just came back flooding my head once I bumped into my daughter, days ago. Before that, it was just a bunch of weird, unconnected memories. Still, here I am, pretty much powerless."

"Yet, you could retrieve your memories. I haven't. Guess I couldn't meet anyone of my family to do so. That's why I remain this small shadow of who I probably was." The Spirit commented.

"Maybe that's for the best. In your case. Who knows?"

"A word of advice. You can probably manifest there if you think hard enough about who you want to see. And you might be able to leave this body sleeping here. You've spent the whole day with them, you might be strong enough to do so. The Aaron I knew would be punching people in the face just to be next to his family."

"He also left them for good." He shrugged his shoulders. "Couldn't you have stopped me back then?"

"I tried, that, I did. But you were as headstrong with your purposes as your eldest was with his. He takes after you in many things, I am afraid."

"The bad ones, I guess." He chuckled.

Her eyelids felt heavy. She recognized the sterile smell of an hospital. She tried to sit, but her head still felt like it had been filled with cotton. Someone was talking to her.

"Hey, don't try to sit. I'll rise the head of the bed for you." She recognized Damian's voice. So, she was indeed at the hospital. An IV was placed in each of her arms. It felt a little hard to breath, still. She was hooked to a heart monitor.

"What happened?" The doctor smiled gently, holding her hand.

"You took heartbreak to another whole level." He snorted. "No, seriously now. You probably triggered your PTSD at the theatre and had a stress-induced heart dysfunction. But everything is stable now." Oh, so that was it. "You gave us quite the scare."

"Sorry for giving you trouble on a free day. Who else knows? Apart from Mathéo and you?" Damian caressed the back of her hand gingerly.

"Maryann, Anna, Misha. You've got a fandom. That "friend" of Misha is here with him." He gazed down. "Also… I had to pinch myself…When I saw Anna on his lap, I nearly thought it was Aaron holding her. It's like you always said…Yuri is the spitting image of his father."

So, he was really here. Even after all those years, their bond was still going strong.

"Is he safe? Does he look healthy?" The monitor beeped loudly.

"Calm down. Yes, he is." She breathed relieved. That was all that mattered. "You never change, do you? You should worry more about yourself… But I guess that's how mothers are." He scolded her. "I can send them in if you'd like. We just wanted to make sure you were awake and conscious."

"Sure."

Anna and Mikhail were the first ones to enter, followed by Ms. Maryann and Alois. Her little eyes were swollen from crying. She hated to see her daughter like that. Mikhail liked to play tough, but she knew how soft and clingy he was on the inside. She motioned both to come closer. Anna sat on her lap and the boy, on the nearest chair, as she hugged the youngest and ruffled her middle child's always unruly hair.

"Sorry for frightening you both, but everything is alright now." She kissed the top of her daughter's head. "I promise I won't ever do that again."

"You better." Tears flooded Mikhail's eyes, as he gave in and laid his head on her chest, hiccupping, next to his sister. There he was, her little, ever non-stopping, hurricane boy. "We can't lose you too, c'mon." He clung to her hospital gown as if she could disappear at any minute.

"We are all glad you feel better." Her mother-in-law spoke, and Alois nodded.

"Shh… Shh… It's okay now, baby boy. I'm not going anywhere." She pulled him closer, resting her cheek onto his forehead, his ear just next to her heart. Back when he cried as a child, that was the only thing that could calm him down.

She had lost count of how many times they'd slept like that just after Aaron had died. Mikhail used to come often, as he had many nightmares. Yuri came less. She had been mentally a wreck just after his father's passing, so he had decided to grow stronger for them all, which was too heavy a burden for a ten-year-old. Instead, she'd often find him sobbing on the ceiling. It used to be his and his father's special place. Their little hideout. His brother and, later, sister never looked for him in there, so it was a harmless place to cry whenever he felt overwhelmed.

She had just placed a sleepy Anna on her crib. Mikhail was sound asleep on his bed, after playing the whole day in school. She then went over to check on the other bed right beside. The bedsheets covered a bunch of pillows, but her oldest wasn't there.

She made her way into her room. There was a secret staircase to the ceiling in there, behind the wardrobe. She went up quietly. There he was, holding onto Pyotr, the bear, hiccupping quite soundly. He hadn't done that ever since he'd given him away to Mikhail five years prior, at seven. She sat beside him, patting his head. It was a quite cold night; they could see their breathing turning into thin mists in the air.

"Hey, little guy. I had a hunch you'd be here." His eyes were moist and red; he would normally argue about how he wasn't that little anymore - at the very mature age of eleven - but he didn't, this time. "Come, let's go down, you'll catch a cold. Anna and Misha are dead to the world, it's okay." He followed, head down, rubbing his violet-blue eyes. She sat on her bed and motioned him to do so as well; he winced when she pulled him close, his head now under her chin, resting onto her chest, as she rubbed small circles onto his back. As a baby, it always calmed him down.

Her eldest was never the one to pick up fights, but that afternoon, apparently, he had, with a group of boys from his classroom. Ms Maryann had been able to pick him up and they went straight to the hospital, just to be sure he hadn't bled into his shoulder socket or into his head. When she'd asked him the reason, during dinner, he'd been pretty evasive.

"Now, I know you are practically a teenager…" He loved to say that. "But I kind of miss it when you were younger and came over to our bed. Would you like to sleep here tonight?" He nodded silently. "So… Pyotr, huh? I thought you'd given him to Misha. Bad day? I am not good as daddy was with advice, but I can try." She ran her fingers through his flaxen hair, just like hers. Pretty much the only thing he had inherited from her, otherwise being a carbon copy of his papa. That and the blood disease that had killed her own mother and made his life a little miserable. She could never forgive herself.

"They were saying bad things about you and dad. How he was irresponsible for leaving you to take care of us alone, and you both for having had three kids already, like you were bad parents! I didn't want them to. Or Misha to hear it. I told them to stop, but it only made it worse…They don't know anything about us! I didn't want to tell you because I know it makes you sad." He was now crying out of pure anger. Kids could be mean, but grown-ups were way worse.

"So that's what happened. You are very kind, I'm grateful. That's probably something they've heard from their parents. But that's for me to deal with, not you, Misha, or baby Anna." She soothed him.

"But it's a lie! You are a good mom, and dad was a good dad! He would have defended us if he was here. So, I did… Sorry." She laughed to herself. That was something Aaron would surely have done, he was right. "But I thought it would be okay! The doctor said the medicine is working and I am better. Besides, I haven't had a strong bleeding in ages!"

Ages translating into 1 year prior, when he had sprained his ankle while running after Mikhail on the park, while they played tag.

"I am happy you stood up for yourself. But I'd rather you did it with words. You could have gotten very, very hurt, we can never be sure. I get worried. Now, now, let's get some sleep. It's late, and you have school tomorrow." She placed a kiss on his forehead.

"Okay…" He yawned, now much more at ease. "Love you, mom."

"Love you too, Yuri. Thanks for being our son." He was snoring lightly. She bet he didn't hear her.

That had been the last time it had ever happened. He became progressively more distant and closed within himself, scheming his way into the circus and his revenge onto the place that had taken his father away from them.

Finding out he had run away from his room was about one of the worst days in her life. And she had collected quite a few. She had faced her father on that day, after 15 years. But it had been too late, he was already on the plane for Cape Mary. And she hadn't got the strength to stop him and bring him back forcefully. She couldn't even watch him on TV without triggering a panic attack, out of worry he could hurt himself.

On the 29th circus festival, she had planned to try to bring him back home. But, once again, her father intervened.

"Bold of you to come here. This isn't a place for real angels and weaklings. This is a stage for demons, for cruelty." He smiled, manically. "See, there lays an angel. She was a performer, but just got hit by a car on her way to the theatre. A pity. Look at the desperation at her partner's eyes. Must bring back memories, doesn't it? She'll probably die. Just like your beloved husband did. Don't worry, though. Your boy will be just fine. After all, he is in his natural habitat, as the trickster devil I have raised him to be. He might even surpass me, you know?"

Months of therapy and preparation thrown away on the garbage in seconds. She was frozen in place. She couldn't even get inside to watch, and neither go back home on her own. She had to call Mathéo to pick her up, for Ms Maryann was with the kids, and she didn't want them to see her that way.

Years later, she heard on the TV that a duo would try to perform the Legendary Great Manoeuvre. The same stunt that had killed him. It was enough to get her out of balance again. She just hoped they would give up before anything terrible happened.

Two girls, this time, one of them being his partner from the festival. He couldn't be happy about it. He must be trying to stop her at any cost. Losing someone to that… thing… again would finish breaking whatever was still left of reason in him.

She remembered the commotion outside of the ballet room, on their little water break. All her students were around a small TV which was reprising a news specialized in arts and drama.

"They made it! The girls performed the cursed stunt!" She heard one of them yell excitedly. "Come see, Ms Nadja! They are flying! It is amazing."

She was being dragged towards the screen before she could even fight it. She couldn't draw her eyes away from them. It was truly magical. So that's what he'd wanted to show them. That's what he'd died for.

No one understood why she wouldn't stop crying or why Mathéo had to continue their class.

She'd heard a little after that his former partner would retire due to a serious shoulder injury, and that he'd take a break from the trapeze, and remain in the producing team. A flicker of hope burned in her heart. Maybe now he could come back to them. That was her wish.

So, she waited. And waited.

And, today, that wait would hopefully have an end.

"Anna, Misha…" Emerald stared deep into Celadon. "Can you ask your brother to come in, please? Or rather…Drag him in if you must, Mikhail, before he runs away again. Gently, though."

"On it!" They both jumped away from her bed eagerly.

She heard the voices on the outside. It wasn't long before the trapeze artist was being shoved in by his siblings. He had grown a lot, but Mikhail had surpassed him. He awkwardly approached her, sitting on the wooden chair where his brother had shortly been before. He wore the same look in his face as when he had done anything wrong as a child and was afraid of telling her.

"Hi there." She took a hold of his calloused hands. His bottom lip quivered. She knew if he looked at her, he would shed tears.

"Hi…" His voice faltered. Maryann sent everyone else away from the room. She knew he wouldn't allow himself to break in front of everybody. "I'm sorry." He bawled.

"I know, it's alright. Come here, let me see you." She cupped his face on her hands, cleaning his tears with her thumbs. She could no longer cradle him. "You've grown, but you'll be forever my baby boy." She kissed his forehead. "Don't ever disappear again, understood?"

He nodded, allowing himself to be pulled into a tight embrace. The one she had so longed for. And something told her he had as well.