Hiei had been prepared for a lot of reactions out of Yusuke, but he had not been expecting him to laugh.
"What's so funny?" Hiei demanded, watching Yusuke laugh the way he did, his hands on his hips, his head tilted backwards in utter mirth.
"It's just…sorry," Yusuke gasped, and wiped away a tear. "You said it really convincingly, that's all."
"Yes, because it's true," said Hiei, annoyed. "Why would I lie about something like that? Don't pretend it's not yours, Yusuke!"
Yusuke just kept laughing, and Hiei felt rage building up inside of him—how dare Yusuke laugh about this! Hiei stood up and punched Yusuke in the face as hard as he could. Down the former Spirit Detective went.
"What the hell, Hiei?" he said, rubbing his back.
"If you can't be serious, I might as well just have this baby all by myself," said Hiei, turning away. "In fact, I don't know if I even should have told you about this."
"But you can't be having a baby," said Yusuke, looking dumbfounded.
"Well, that's what I thought too, but it turns out I am anyway!"
"What'd they put in that thing, LSD?" Yusuke said incredulously, pointing to the drip. "How can you be pregnant? You don't have a womb or a birth canal or anything like that."
"Of course I do." Hiei crossed his arms. "Why wouldn't I?"
"Okay, I know I skipped health class a lot." Yusuke was finally looking properly alarmed. He got to his feet again and stared at Hiei like he had just grown a second head. "But I don't think it's very common to have a uterus and a—"
"Who said anything about a uterus?"
"You just did!"
"Obviously you weren't listening very closely," said Hiei. "The uterus is the female womb. Males have the ninshinsu."
"The…the what?"
"Ninshinsu," Hiei repeated. "The male womb. Pregnancy works a bit differently in male demons than it does in females. I don't know a whole lot about it, actually. I never thought I'd need to. But Mukuro's doctor, Shigure, just told me I was pregnant. I have no reason to doubt him."
"So male demons can get pregnant?" Yusuke asked.
"Yes, of course we…" Hiei's voice trailed off as he started to get a suspicion. "Can't male humans get pregnant?"
"No," said Yusuke. "Only the women."
"Well, that explains why you thought I was joking," said Hiei. "But I'm not. I'm going to have a baby. Shigure said I was maybe on my eighth week." Hiei sighed, noticing the look on Yusuke's face. "Look, I know you're only eighteen. If you don't want to be part of its life—"
"I'm not gonna lie, Hiei," Yusuke interrupted. "I feel pretty terrified right now. But that doesn't mean I'll be a deadbeat dad or anything."
"A…a what?"
"It's a dad that isn't really there for his kids," Yusuke explained. "Kind of like mine, I guess. But I won't be like that, I promise."
"Really?" said Hiei, shocked.
"Sure!" Yusuke sat down on the bed next to Hiei and put one arm around him. "You and me, raising a cute little baby together…maybe it'll be fun."
"I think you are out of your mind," said Hiei, squirming out of his grasp. "Seriously, I'd be surprised if this baby is born with a working brain. Mukuro and Raizen aren't too fond of each other, the way I hear it, so I don't think they'd be pleased with this."
"Well, maybe we can just…not mention it to them," Yusuke suggested. "I saw a TV movie once about a high school girl who hid a pregnancy from her parents. She wore really baggy clothes, and it totally worked."
"So what about when the baby is born?"
"Ahh…" Yusuke bit his lip. "Uh, how long does a demon pregnancy last?"
"It depends on the type," said Hiei. "But for my type—elemental—it's about forty to forty-five weeks."
"Okay, that's almost a year," said Yusuke. "So let's just cross that bridge when we come to it."
Hiei didn't think that was a very good plan, but it was all he could really expect out of Yusuke, and anyway, he didn't want to think about it anymore, either. Still, one problem remained.
"How are we going to keep it a secret if Shigure knows?" Hiei asked. "I tried to tell him not to let Mukuro know, but he said since Mukuro is his 'Lord' or whatever, he has to tell him about it, and that he's probably going to let me go."
"I don't get this blind loyalty thing," said Yusuke. "I'll bet if I was pregnant, Hokushin would have wanted to tell Raizen, too. Once I told him he couldn't babysit me on this trip, he wouldn't let me do it until we talked to Raizen. And I didn't tell them I was leaving the territory. I mean, why can't they just keep things a secret?"
"They won't," said Hiei. "We're just going to have to find some way to keep Shigure quiet."
"Maybe he'll forget," Yusuke said hopefully.
"Of course he won't, you idiot, he—wait." Hiei's eyes widened. "Yusuke, you've just given me a great idea. I think Shigure can forget after all. He just needs a little help."
"Help?" Yusuke looked confused.
"Yes," said Hiei. "Help. But there's one more person we need to tell."