3 weeks later.
Interior: Konoha, Hokage tower, office, early morning.
"Team Nine present as requested, Baachan." said Naruto, whose happuri now bore the kanji for nature instead of the leaf symbol.
"Naruto-kun, I need your team to personally escort the Tsuchikage to Konoha.
Kurotsuchi will be your guide.
He's requested you specifically,"
Uzumaki chuckled, "Wonderful."
"Hana, Haku and Shisui will be going too."
"Understood."
"The Tsuchikage heard about you using the Hiraishin to transport the Kazekage to Konoha, but he doesn't want to take the Hiraishin Express.
It's either because of pride or because he doesn't think his old bones can handle it."
"Chiyo-Baasama is older than him, and she was as hyper as Lee on caffeine when she knew she'd be travelling via the Hiraishin, ya know."
"That's a horrifying mental image."
Later.
Exterior: Land of Fire, Konoha, clearing, late morning.
Team Naruto, Shisui, Kurotsuchi, Kitsuchi, Haku, Hana and her ninja dogs assembled.
"Looking good, Naruto-kun." praised Hana, her Jonin vest partially unzipped to reveal a small amount of her cleavage.
"Likewise, Hana-chan." returned Naruto as he gently patted one of her dogs, "Well, let's not keep Onoki-Jiji waiting.
His patience is shorter than he is." making Kurotsuchi burst into laughter.
Noticing Kurotsuchi was wearing an Iwa Jonin vest, Hana asked, "Did you get promoted, Kuro-chan?"
"Like Naruto-koi, I wasn't really a Genin." admitted the Iwa brunette.
"Naughty girl." teased Shisui.
"Oh, don't worry.
Naru-koi has already disciplined and punished this naughty girl." insinuated Kurotsuchi.
The Genins blushed at the beautiful Iwa Kunoichi's possible implications while Kitsuchi raised an eyebrow.
"Let's roll like an Akimichi using their human boulder technique to get to an all you can eat buffet!" said Konohamaru.
"If you're not careful, one might use it against you for that remark." commented Hanabi, making the little boy gulp.
"You can tease your boyfriend later, lil firecracker." interjected Uzumaki, making Hanabi and Konohamaru blush, then he did a hand sign, "Summoning jutsu!" before a massive, magnificent, majestic Wolf with grey fur and white markings on its forehead and bright blue eyes.
"Woah!" gasped Hana, "Who's this?"
"I am… Dume." self-identified the wolf, in a deep, low growl.
"Don't see that every day." thought everyone except Naruto.
"Would you be willing to transport us to Iwa?" requested Naruto before the great wolf lay down.
"Climb." said Dume before the group climbed onto his back, and secured themselves using chakra to stay on.
Standing in all his majesty, Dume began to run so fast they went into a lightspeed tunnel.
Moments later.
Exterior: Land of Earth, path, Iwa front gates, late morning.
As the group reappeared, scaring the living daylights out of the gate guards, they disembarked.
With a thankful smile, Naruto said, "Thank you, my friend." before the wolf returned to its own realm.
"Did the wolf teleport us here?" wondered Kurotsuchi.
"Not exactly.
Dume's able to run through a sort of lightspeed tunnel because of his strong connection to nature.
It's like running into a tunnel of pure light and towards a portal showing your destination.
Or at least that's as simply as I can put it."
"That sounds quite interesting, Naru-koi." mused Haku.
"Thanks, Yuki-hime." replied Uzumaki.
The group were suddenly encircled by a dozen Iwa shinobi with weapons drawn.
The Genins tensed while Hana, Haku, Shisui, Kurotsuchi, Kitsuchi and Naruto were perfectly calm.
"Easy…" stated Naruto, in a neutral tone, "Threatening me is threatening Kumo, Ame, Kiri, Suna, Konoha and Iwa.
The latter of which implies treason and insubordination on your part," before activating his Rinnegan, "Neither myself nor Onoki-Sama are patient men.
You will allow us to pass in peace and unhindered."
"Stand down, all of you!" ordered Onoki as he arrived, and the Iwa-nins returned to their posts and patrols, "Ah, I should have known you'd make an interesting entrance, Naruto-san.
Your handling of the situation was well done."
"Thank you, Onoki-jiji."
Interior: Iwa, Tsuchikage's office, late morning.
"So, Kuro-chan, have you decided what name you'll be taking after the wedding with Naruto-san?" asked Onoki.
With a micro cam hidden in the symbol of her headband, Kurotsuchi cheerfully answered, "Namikaze."
Pale as a ghost, the old Tsuchikage's eyes widened in shock while his jaw dropped before he fainted, then his paperwork buried him.
After a moment, Kurotsuchi erupted into laughter, "I am so glad I caught that on camera."
"Ninja Art: Sorting the forms." said Naruto as he levitated the paperwork back onto the desk in neatly organised and categorised piles.
Waking up, Onoki rubbed his aching back, "Please tell me that was a bad dream."
"Bad dream? No. Good prank? Yes." snickered Kurotsuchi.
"Hilarious…" deadpanned Onoki, "Well? Shall we depart?"
Haku nodded, "At your earliest convenience, Tsuchikage-Sama."
Later.
Exterior: Land of Earth, road, mid-day.
"Hold." ordered Naruto as he gestured, making the group stop.
"What is it, Sensei?
What do you sense?" asked Moegi.
"Firecracker." prompted Naruto.
"Right." acknowledged the little Hyuga who activated her dojutsu, "Byakugan." and scanned the area, "Two powerful chakra signatures approaching from the north.
One of them seems to be a puppet inside a puppet with chakra." then sarcastically remarked, "That's not creepy at all…" and informed them, "The other one has five hearts…
I don't even want to know what that's about."
"Sasori of the Red Sand and Kakazu of the Five Hearts.
Sasori's a puppet master and poison specialist so assume any and all weapons in his arsenal are tipped with poison.
Kakazu attempted to assassinate Hashirama Senju, and only survived because of a forbidden jutsu.
He has five hearts that become five masked creatures.
Each one needs to be taken out by a different element." explained Naruto who whirled around, outstretched his hand, and said, "Universal pull."
Drawn towards Uzumaki by an invisible force that caught it by the throat, Zetsu struggled to breathe before its neck snapped, then it was incinerated by black flames.
"What exactly was that thing?" questioned Onoki.
"Zetsu, a creature created as an extension of Kaguya's will.
This is the being that corrupted Indra Otsutsuki, the forefather of the Uchiha clan, with the curse of hatred."
"What about the other two?" asked Kitsuchi.
"As tempting as fighting Kakazu and Sasori is, I have a job to do.
My mission is to safely escort the Tsuchikage to Konoha.
Initiating unnecessary conflicts will both jeopardise the mission and needlessly endanger my comrades and client." replied Naruto, earning a nod of acknowledgement, before doing a hand sign, "Bus Summoning Jutsu!"
In a puff of smoke, a purple triple decker bus appeared
Naruto's companions raised an eyebrow, sweatdropped, and collectively thought, "Is that what I think it is?"
"Oh, bloody hell," said a tall, lanky, pale man, in a uniform and small hat, as he stepped off the bus, "Well? All aboard.
Let's not wait for the grass to grow.
Ladies and senior citizens first."
"I could swear I've seen this in a movie." thought Moegi as everyone boarded to see freshly made beds and other furniture set up.
The pale man tapped on a door, "Take er away, Ern."
A shrivelled head hanging from the ceiling by the dashboard added, "Yeah, take her away, Ernie."
"Hang on, it's going to be a bumpy ride." said Naruto before everyone got buckled into some seats, then the bus zoomed off as fast as a roller coaster.
Exterior: Land of Fire, Konoha, road, gates, 12:10PM.
Arriving in a blur, the bus stopped, scaring the crap out of Kotetsu and Izumo before Naruto and co disembarked, then the bus vanished.
Trying not to throw up, Onoki leant on his cane, "Never… never make me ride that thing again."
"Fair enough." shrugged Uzumaki, "Everyone okay?"
"Dizzy, but I'll live." answered the Genins.
"Just what kind of summoning contract do you have, Naru-koi?" wondered Hana, "Yours always has the strangest summons." before Hiruzen, Tsunade, Shizune and Jiraiya approached the group.
"Welcome to Konoha, Onoki." said Hiruzen, with a warm smile.
"Thank you." replied Onoki, "I take it we have matters to discuss?
Or perhaps I could be shown to my accommodations so I can unpack my luggage?"
"Let's get you settled in first."
Interior: Konoha, Hokage tower, deployment office, 12:30PM.
Giving a pay slip to each of his students, Naruto pocketed his own.
"Naruto, a new mission request has come for you from a client I don't have clearance to know about." informed Iruka, "They specifically requested you alone."
Turning to his Genins, Naruto smiled, "Take the rest of the day off." before giving them each a framed photo, "And I finally got these from the photographer."
"Yes!" cheered the Genins.
Dismissing his Genin as Iruka exited and Ibiki entered, Naruto, in his Anbu uniform, stood at attention before being handed a file, and opening it, "Consider it done."
Later.
Interior: Land of Fire, safehouse, 1PM.
"I'll show those uncultured bastards!
True art is an explosion!" Deidara ranted before a refined blade of black lightning pierced his heart, nullifying his explosives, then his head was cut clean off by the Kiba blades.
"Heathen! I'll sacrifice you and everyone you love to Jashin-Sama!" screamed Hidan as he swung his scythe which was intercepted and parried.
Several chakra chains shot from Yami Kitsune's back, restrained Hidan, and pulled his weapon from his grasp.
"Amaterasu." said Yami Kitsune before Hidan's unlucky charms were burnt off by black flames whilst he screamed in pain.
Igniting a newly forged lightsaber with a black, thin, 45cm blade curved to a point, Yami Kitsune decapitated Hidan.
Appearing, Ghost turned the headless body to ice which she shattered before sealing away the scythe.
"Ah, screw you heathens!
What the fuck?
Now how am I going to make my sacrifices or get laid?" whined Hidan.
"You don't." deadpanned Yami Kitsune who sealed Deidara's corpse and Hidan's head into a storage scroll.
Interior: Konoha, Anbu HQ, engineering lab, 1PM.
Naruto revealed Deidara's eye piece to an engineer, "I know your new apprentice has been wanting to study and reverse engineer this for a while, Lucius."
"Oh, you always bring back the best toys for us, Naruto-kun." chuckled the head engineer, "Will you be bringing your students by sometime?
I heard about those special weapons."
"We'll see."
"Naruto-Niisan? It's been a while." greeted Udon who, surprisingly, didn't have an eternal runny nose.
"Hey, kiddo," greeted Naruto, "I see you have new glasses.
Prescription or non-prescription?"
"Prescription," answered Udon, who pointed to Naruto's hand, "Is that what I think it is?"
"Deidara's eye scope, which I brought back completely intact.
And I see you're in much better health."
"Thank you, Naruto-Senpai!" gratefully said Udon.
Ruffling Udon's hair, Naruto smiled, "Konohamaru, Hanabi, and especially Moegi have missed you.
Maybe we can all train together or meet for lunch from time to time.
After all, the Konohamaru corps isn't complete without you, and it wouldn't hurt Lucius to get out more."
"Next you'll be telling me to get a girlfriend." sighed Lucius.
"Well, you have been consulting with that girl from the decryption division a lot, and you always smile when you hear her name." interjected Udon, "Maybe you could try getting to know her better since you've been working together so much?"
Lucius sighed, "You two are conspiring to set me up with her, aren't you?"
"Would we do that?" asked Naruto, far too innocently.
"Yes."
Turning to Udon, Naruto gave him a small envelope, "Moegi-imouto knew I'd be coming here where I was likely to see you, and gave this to me to give to you." before the bespectacled rookie Genin blushed.
Interior: Konoha, Anbu HQ, Ibiki's office, 1:15PM.
Standing before Ibiki, Anko and Tsunade, Yami Kitsune informed, "Mission complete.
Deidara has been eliminated.
And Hidan is… a talking head right now.
I had to cut all of his limbs off, and eliminate one potential future problem."
"Define 'future problem,'?" asked Ibiki.
"I burnt off Hidan's manhood with my Amaterasu."
"Ouch, that's gotta hurt." snickered Anko.
Interior: Konoha, Ichiraku's, 1:15PM.
Ayame, Kakashi and Teuchi stood shocked as Obito proposed to Rin who happily accepted.
Interior: Konoha, Namikaze estate, Naruto's house, private Dojo, 1:15PM.
Hana and Yugito sparred in their underwear.
Hana took advantage of a small opening, knocked Yugito onto her back, sat on her legs, pinned her hands above her head, and gave a cheeky grin, "Will you give up, kitty?"
Faking being unable to get free as she wriggled beneath Hana, Yugito burst into giggles as she tickled her exposed belly, then broke free and returned the favour, sparking a tickle fight.
After a good 15 minutes, Yugito, whose boobs and tummy were being tickled while she tickled Hana's sides, asked, "Hahahahaha truce? Hahahaha." before they paused.
"You're a bad kitty." teased Hana as the two hugged, "But I'm a bad bitch so who am I to judge?"
"Good point." chuckled Yugito who nuzzled Hana's face.
"You, Matatabi-chan and Yugao-chan are the only cats I like."
"Good to know."
Interior: Konoha, Shinobi district, Hyuga compound, Dojo, 1:30PM.
"Eight Trigrams: Twenty-four Static Palms!" called Hanabi as she infused a small amount of lightning chakra into her Taijutsu, bewildering her opponent who felt electric shocks from each hit, then the last hit sent her opponent flying across the room.
Impressed, Hinata, Hiashi, Hera and Hizashi gave a short round of applause.
"Where did this technique come from?" asked one of the elders.
"I applied the principle of charging and discharging energy to the Eight Trigrams Twenty-four Palms using trace amounts of lightning chakra.
I emulated the build-up of static electricity before releasing it with the final strike.
Naruto-Niichan helped me with it." answered Hanabi, proud of herself.
"An outsider helped you with this?"
"He's my Sensei, so of course he was helping me," stated the little Firecracker, "He wouldn't be a very good teacher if he wasn't teaching me anything, or if he wasn't helping me improve, would he?"
Exterior: Konoha, public Hot Springs, 1:30PM.
Trying to find a good height and angle to peep from, Ebisu loudly sneezed as his shades flew off of his face, into the women's bathing area which caused screams, then a jolt of electricity from within the tree shocked him, and he fell face first into boiling water.
Getting out of the water, Ebisu felt a surge of killing intent that sent him to his knees as a shadow loomed over him.
Nervously looking up as his eyes were still in excruciating pain, Ebisu's blurred vision saw a towering figure in red armour and a conical hat standing over him.
The water around them began steaming as Han glared daggers at Ebisu.
Later.
Interior: Konoha, cinema, private screening room, 2:30PM.
Comfortably seated in a couple's seat in the middle row, Konohamaru and Hanabi held hands.
"Happy birthday, Hanabi-chan." whispered Konohamaru as he kissed her cheek before the movie began.