She is propped up against her car when she comes to, her head pounding. Cursing, she winces when she lifts her hand to feel a wound on her temple, something warm and sticky on her fingers. Blood, she slowly registers when she pulls it back. Not really comprehending yet, what exactly happened, she squeezes her eyes shut against the very bright sun. Where is she?

"Beckett, you're back!" Vikram's too happy voice shrills in her troubled head, worsens the pounding. Ugh, she feels like shit. What happened? Why is she sitting against her car on the ground, her head is bleeding and hurting, and why is she dirty and there is so much debris around her?

"What happened?" she croax, her voice hoarse and weak.

"The building exploded. How did you know?" Vikram sounds impressed, she wishes she could answer that. Building? What building? Why did it explode? The boys! They were in the building, she knows it, even if the memory is fuzzy and sketchy. All she clearly remembers is the feeling of dying.

"Ryan and Espo, where are they?"

"We're here, Beckett," Ryan's voice comes closer and she opens her eyes again to look in his direction. He and Espo hobble over to her, dirty like she is, a bit battered and bruised, but seemingly okay. A bit of the strange weight on her chest eases, but she still feels too restricted to breathe properly.

What's going on? She presses a hand over her heart, over the years old bullet wound that seems to throb again like it sometimes does. Her chest feels so tight she can't take a deep breath, and the shallow inhales make her dizzy. Yeah, and maybe the head injury.

"Ambulance is on their way, I didn't know what else to do, though. I guess I need to call it in?" Vikram says, but she's not sure who he's talking to. Her head hurts so much, she just wants to lay down and forget everything.

"Yeah, I'm gonna do it real quick. We need a cover story for that though, cap." Ryan shuffles next to her, her car creaking when he leans against it as well. She tries to seize him up, but lifting her head worsens her dizziness and looking in the sun makes her head want to split. Damn. Closing her eyes again, she sinks her head carefully back against the cool metal. A cover story, yeah, she needs to remember why they're here at first. Why did she forget it?

"How did you know that the building is going to explode?" Espo now asks as well as he joins them with a low groan, sliding down the car to sit next to her, pressing a hand against his ribs.

"You okay?" she ignores his question, not sure what to answer, mostly because she just doesn't know what set her off or what happened.

"Yeah," he exhales labored, "maybe some bruised or broken rips. You saved us from being blown to pieces, though."

"I honestly don't remember," she confesses quietly, certain she earns funny looks from the boys, but she won't open her eyes for that. But then she remembers one thing, one face, one plea before she passed out - from the blast or whatever. "Did you call Castle?"

"I ... uh ... I ... Um," Vikram stumbles over his tongue, and she suppresses a sigh. Of course, he didn't. He still thinks that everything with Castle is a mistake, and she should probably never see him again. She's not sure if she should be grateful or upset with him that he didn't respect her wish to call her husband. What if she'd been seriously injured - had he called him then?

"I did," Ryan suddenly says, and Kate's hands start to shake as a fresh wave of panic hits her.

"You called him?"

"Nah, he called me, invited us to drinks in the Old Haunt tonight, maybe some poker in his office. I was on the phone with him when you started screaming, and he probably hurt the blast."

"Shit. I don't want him here," she groans, and it's only half a lie. There's no one she wants more right now, no one whose arms she's craving more - but not here. LokSat - another puzzle piece falls into place as she remembers again. Vikram called, said he found them, but she had a bad feeling that escalated to a panic attack, something tipped her off, something didn't feel right but she ignored the warning of her subconscious, too eager to put an end to it. They set a trap for them, and they almost walked right in.

There's no way she let Castle come near. Not when he's ready in so much danger.

"Vikram, call Castle, make him turn around. I don't want him near me, okay? Tell him I'm okay, but everything else is none of his business anymore." Espo huffs next to her, mutters a "yeah, good luck with that" that has her heart making her head spin because damn, he might be right.

But before any of them can call Castle, his Mercedes is already speeding onto the premises, halting with screeching breaks almost in front of them if it weren't for the debris between them. He's out of the car and by her side before she can so much as blink, slithering over the gravel, probably ruining his pants.

"Kate! Are you okay? What the hell happened?" The hand that carefully touches her face is shaking, and she has to swallow hard against the panic rising in her body. He's as scared for her life as she is for his – and damn, he shouldn't be here. It's probably a trap. She hurries to pull his hand from her face, squeezes it shortly before dropping it.

"I'm fine, Castle, but You need to leave." She stresses it urgently, trying to sound dismissive, hoping he understands what exactly she means by it. That it's not only for their cover but for more. But the fear is clouding his judgment, his hands scurrying through the air, trying to assess her wound again. Damn. She just wants to hide in his arms, let him calm her down, bring her back from the wave of panic she's still trying to surf without falling into it. She wants to kiss him and assure him that she's fine.

"Yo, bro, what about us?" Espo calls, causing Castle to flinch heavily and look around disoriented, a haunted look on his face, reminding her of how she found him … was it only yesterday? Can it be? Oh, god. She takes a moment to study her team, finally clear enough to think. Espo and Ryan both look as dirty as she is, Ryan's cradling his arm, hopefully not broken, while Espo is trying to avoid putting pressure on one of his legs, his pants ripped and bloodied on that particular leg. Damn. She looks over at Vikram, but he looks fine, a few tiny bruises, a bit of dust in his dark hair and on his clothes, but apart from that he seems to be fine. He still needs to be checked, she'll make sure of it.

"Are you okay?" He asks blandly, clenching his trembling hands to fists. She can't resist anymore and lays her hand on his, seeing how his whole body seems to exhale in relief.

"Yeah, Cap somehow sensed that something was amiss and called us out before it was too late. And your buddy here had to take your call so we weren't as deep in the building as we would've been. Otherwise, it might have collapsed around us. Don't need that experience again." Castle huffs a mirthless, almost bitter laugh, reminded of the last time they were trapped in a collapsed building. Yeah, nobody wants to have this again.

"What the hell happened?" He asks, untangling her hand to run both of his hands through his hair, getting up and looking around at the devastation. The building lays in ashes now, they supposedly should've been buried underneath. Sighing, she lets her head sink back against the car, closing her eyes for a moment. Her head hurts like hell, she's dizzy and nauseous and still feels on edge with everything. What the hell tipped her off? Suddenly, she's overly aware of the vest she's still wearing, it feels too heavy, too constricting, robbing her of her ability to breathe. She's fiddling on the straps of the vest to get the damn thing off, but she keeps slipping off.

"No idea, bro. Beckett just requested backup for this one." Castle raises his eyebrows as he looks at her, looking for confirmations, not for answers, she presses her mouth in a thin line, causing his eyes to widen. Damn. He's too good at reading her. Worry etches deep in the lines on his face, as he observes her, noticing her panicking. He's on her side again, opening the straps of her vest within a fraction of a second and carefully pulling it off. And finally, finally, she can breathe again. Her hand finds her stomach, not sure why exactly, but she's inhaling deeply, extending her stomach, gripping the sweaty fabric over her abdomen. Still confused. What's wrong with her?

Before anyone can say or ask anything else, two ambulances and several cruisers pull up.

"Wow, I haven't even called it in yet, how are they here already?" Vikram muses, causing Castle to snort in disdain, but his eyes remain on her. He called it in. Of course, he did. He witnessed the explosion, he knows their procedures, so of course, he informed dispatch that officers were in trouble. He's still one of them. She sends him a grateful smile, but his attention is on her hand that now presses against her abdomen again, exactly the spot that felt the tightest on the vest. Her need to take care of her stomach confuses her as well, probably just because it keeps churning, worrying her that she might throw up any second.

"Kate," he starts, but is interrupted when the medic comes to her side, to check her. She waves him away.

"I'm fine. Check the others fi–"

"No, Kate. You have a head injury. They need to check you as well, probably even check you in the hospital. Check her first, please." She opens her mouth to argue but is again interrupted by the medic, an older man, a bit gruff, who reminds her a bit of Perlmutter and she swallows her protest.

"Are you hurt anywhere else apart from your head? You're clenching your stomach? Did you fall on it? Or something on it?" He looks around at the bigger pieces of debris.

"I don't know. I … uh … lost consciousness." Suppressing a sigh, she bites her lip, avoiding Castle's worried gaze.

"Do you know for how long?"

"I … uh," she searches for Vikram and he instantly catches her gaze and comes closer, eying Castle carefully as if he fears he'd chase him away.

"I don't know for how long exactly, but I guess for at least ten minutes? She fell on her stomach, but there wasn't any debris yet, it came flying around afterwards, hit her on the head. She was dizzy before the explosion though, I was sure she'd pass out any moment." The medic pricks his ears at that, and she curses Vikram silently under her breath, feeling Castle's eyes burning holes in the side of her face. Castle, who's still here. Still too close at her side. At a place where LokSat might've lured them. Knowing they are onto them now. Damn.

"Castle, can you leave now? I'm being taken care of and it's none of your business anyway." She knows that her tone is a bit too harsh, a bit too snarky, even for show and without looking at him, but she can feel him wince, can feel him tensing, prays that he understands that she doesn't mean it. That she's just scared. Without a word, he stands abruptly and scurries away, out of her line of sight and she avoids looking after him. The medic checks her eyes with his flashlight, causing her stomach to churn even more at the intense brightness.

"You don't seem to have a concussion, the wound is also not deep. But I'd still recommend you come with us to be checked out properly and stay overnight for observation. Can you lie down on your back now? I need to palpate your stomach."

"Give me a moment," she says, closing her eyes, pressing one hand against her mouth, the other against her belly, willing the heavy nausea to subside.

"Are you going to be sick?" Vikram's voice is too loud in her ears and that's the last straw. She rolls forward on her feet and stumbles away from her car. A few steps later, she falls to her knees and regretfully vomits her delicious bear claw. Okay, so that's why she was so drawn to calm her stomach. But … ugh, she probably needs another morning-after pill now as well. She doubts that the two hours were enough for it to take effect.

"Okay, Captain Beckett, you're coming with us." The medic says after she finally stops throwing up, feeling even more dizzy and nauseous now.

"It's not because of the injury. I've been struggling to keep my breakfast in all morning. I upset my stomach yesterday." She sticks to the lie she told Vikram, unwilling to be hospitalized and lose precious hours of examination. Espo and Ryan are already down, she can't go down too. But it's not a complete lie - her stomach was churning before, and it only got worse when she got here, sending her into a panic attack, it must have been. Nothing else makes sense. She represses the fears that crept up on her after Maureen's call and the urgency to speak to Dr. Stevens. Just iron deficiency anemia. Nothing more. She just needs to take her pills again, maybe get an IV, that's it. Nothing more.

"I have an appointment with my doctor later anyway. I'll discuss it with her, I promise." Someone hands her a wet tissue and a bottle of water and she doesn't need to look up to know that it's her husband. Of course, it's him. She ignores the warmth that spreads through her belly, pries the things out of his hands, and ignores him. Her heart aching. But she can't risk it if LokSat is watching them. Needs to make sure that they believe that she can't stand him, just to keep him safe. It's stupid. It's so stupid. Isn't it already too late for that? He's here. He's involved. He'll die either way if LokSat is watching them, just to make sure that there are no more loose ends. But still, she can't bring it over herself to risk it.

"I'll make sure that she'll be there," his voice sends her to the edge of a panic attack again, conjuring images of him lying dead in the debris behind them, just because he loves her. His only fault.

"Didn't I ask you to leave?" she snaps at him loud enough that everybody around can hear it. The way he flinches makes her heart contract painfully. Oh, Castle. She busies herself with the wet tissue, wiping her mouth, before washing it out with a sip from the bottle.

"You did, but I have orders from Gates. She stepped in for you at the precinct the moment she heard what happened and ordered me to make sure that you get checked out." His voice brooks no dissent, his trembling hands clenched to fists right in her line of view. "She also just told me that there'll be an investigation where this tip came from and why someone wanted to kill her people."

"She … what?" Kate looks at him in shock. Why is Gates stepping in already? What's going on here? "We're not her people anymore"

"Some things will never change, I guess." She's carefully sipping from the bottom, scared to upset her stomach again, but desperate for something to drink. And oh, she wants to sleep. "So, your choice. You can either ride with the nice medic to the hospital or you let me take you to your doctor."

"I don't want you to take me to my doctor, Castle! Go home, I'll drive myself." She's slowly rising to her feet, swaying, but he's not reaching for her and she's not sure if she's supposed to be happy about it or worried. She takes a few shaky steps backwards until she can feel his car behind her, leaning against the door.

"You are not allowed to drive just yet! And Gates asked me personally for this favor. She knows how stubborn you can be. Can you just only once do what you're told?!" There's so much venom in his voice as he raises it, clearly angry – but she saw the relief in his eyes when she reached his car. It's just for show. Oh, thank god.

"Fine! But this will be the last time I'll ever set foot in your damn car!" She shouts back, making a show of marching to the passenger door, sliding in and banging the door.

"Do you know how much that car costs?!" he screams as he gets in himself while she takes a short sweep of the scenery. Her team, the medics, and the surrounding officers are staring at them with open mouths and wide eyes, clearly shocked at how fast they crumbled, leaving a weight on her chest.

"Safe?" she asks then, wanting to know if they can speak freely.

"Yeah, checked this morning when I left. You okay?" He extends his hand, places it on her knee and she lays her on top of his, intertwining their fingers from above.

"No," she admits weakly on a studdering breath "I hate this. I hate fighting with you, I hate pretending, I hate fearing for your life. I just want it to be over and everything back to normal." She suddenly craves more than just his hand and leans over to rest her head on his shoulder, clinging to his arm. Gosh, she misses him so much.

"I know. Me too, trust me, me too. I thought … When Ryan … The … I …" He's at a loss of words, but she understands his fears, his thoughts, knows exactly how he'd felt, what he'd thought. Gosh, it was just yesterday that Alexis called her and sent her spiraling down that path.

"I know."

"So, LokSat?"

She grunts, closing her eyes, breathing him in. "Yeah. Not sure yet if it was a trap, but either way, they probably know now that we're onto them." His hand clenches her knee harder, almost bruising, but, oh, she can understand him so well.

"Damn," he curses under his breath. "I invited Ryan and Espo to the Old Haunt today. Hayley and Alexis will be there, too. We're planning to have our first meeting. But maybe we'll need to change that now. Damn." He takes a shuddering breath, holds onto her knee for dear life before he speaks again. "But let's talk to Dr. Stevens first. I want to know what's going on with you. I'm not sure though if I'd rather bring you to a hospital."

"No, Castle. I'm fine. I think I had a panic attack before everything went down. I still don't know what caused it. What tipped me off. But I had a bad feeling the moment we arrived and when we got into the building it escalated to a panic attack and I just needed to get out and called the boys out too. There was something that set me off, I just don't know what it was. Dr. Stevens receptionist called earlier, said that she already had a part of the results and needed to speak with me, apparently, I have a severe iron deficiency anemia." She sighs, feeling suddenly too exhausted to speak.

"Iron deficiency anemia?"

"Yeah. I struggled with my iron level since I was a little kid. After my shooting, I had an iron deficiency anemia because of the blood loss. After that, I always struggled with iron deficiency with every cycle. When I talked to my OBGYN to … uh …" she blushes, suddenly feeling slightly embarrassed that she put so much thought into planning for a baby, to surprise him, without even talking to him, if that's still what he wants. No, of course, she knows that he wants to have a family with her if she wants to. "When I was talking to her about preparing for a potential pregnancy, she gave me some pills to treat my iron deficiency. But I stopped taking them after LokSat …"

"… and you've been shot and lost a lot of blood," he finishes gravely, swallowing hard at the thought of it.

"Yeah," she breathes, clutching his arm tighter and snuggling deeper into his body – not sure who she comforts. "So, yeah. Iron deficiency anemia, malnourishment, dehydration, sleep deprivation, too much stress … Probably some vitamins missing as well … And–", she muses, trying to figure out why it's so urgent to speak with her.

"Let's just wait for what she says, okay? It makes me nervous to think about it," he confesses, suppressing a sigh, but she can still feel the heaviness in his body.

"I'm sorry," she says then.

"For what?" There's honest confusion in his voice and she simply has to smile, he never blames her for anything, always forgives her everything. But he shouldn't. "The way I treated you at the scene. The way I snapped and screamed."

"You played the role we agreed on yesterday, didn't you?"

She sighs heavily, not willing to give in to his forgiveness so easily this time. "Of course, I did. I just … I feel so bad for pushing you away when all I could think about was how much I wanted you to hold me. I cannot imagine how you must've felt, hearing the blast, not knowing for several minutes what happened, if I'm okay. I saw how much it affected you, how panicked you were …"

"Hush, Kate. It's fine. You did it to protect me. I get it–"

"No," she interjects and he echoes it in puzzlement. "I mean, yes. But what's the point? Alexis said it to me yesterday when she set my head straight. Everybody connected to LokSat already is in the crosshairs. The moment they think that we're still after them, they'll kill everybody who knows about them. So why keep pretending? It doesn't matter if it was a trap or if it indeed was an operation base of some sort for them – they probably know that we're still investigating, otherwise, we wouldn't have found it." She can feel his body tensing up beneath her, can feel the tremble that goes through it at her words.

"You– You think they know?"

"It would surprise me if they didn't," she admits softly, almost on a sigh. "We need to meet up this evening, no matter what. Our lives depend on it. I'll make sure the boys know that."

"Let's discuss that later, okay? You're more important right now. We're at Dr. Stevens' office."

"Oh." She only then notices that he stopped the car on the sidewalk and slowly sits up. Her head is still spinning, now even more after she spent the drive curled against him, but she'll manage. Grimacing at herself when she quickly checks herself in the mirror in the back of the sun visor – she's pale, dirty, and bloody, yay –, she unbuckles herself but before she can get out of the car, Castle is already opening her door and lending her an arm - just like the gentleman he is. With a soft smile on her lips, she accepts his help, and he supports her, weaving his arm around her waist, allowing her to lean against him – and oh, after five weeks apart, there's nothing she'd rather do, even if it might show some weakness. She knows that Castle would never see her as weak, admires her strength, so why not allow him once in a while to play the strong male?

Especially when she indeed is wobbly on her knees and is grateful for his support.

Maureen is a petite blonde and takes a startled breath as they enter the doctor's office. Yeah, maybe they should have stopped at the loft or her hotel room so she could clean up. But at least this way they can skip the line and see Dr. Stevens right away.

She checks her again for a concussion, takes a close look at her head wound, and instructs a medical assistant to clean the wound after she asks her to undress her pants and lie down on the examination table.

"What are you looking for? Internal bleeding? Fluids?" Castle asks sounding curious when she brings in an ultrasound machine, but she can see him fidgeting nervously, she extends her hand to squeeze his and he gratefully grabs it.

"Among other things, yes," she admits vaguely, before pausing and turning to them, clearing her throat, "I already assumed that you don't know. As Maureen told you, I already have the most important results back, indicating a severe iron deficiency anemia – but in combination with it and what's quite alarming considering your overall health at the moment and especially your obviously pretty stressful and dangerous job – hence the urgency", she gestures at the deranged state of her, and Kate's heart rate spikes up, almost certain what comes next, judging the worried look Dr. Stevens gives her. She grabs Castle's hand harder, breathing against the panic that creeps in, takes over her heart with cold fingers, laying heavy on her chest, only allowing her fast and shallow breaths.

The darkness rushing in so fast, that she has trouble understanding the devastating truth Dr. Stevens is telling them, "Kate, you're pregnant."

The last thing she hears is Castle's sharp intake of breath while the world around her collapses, the fatal word keeps echoing in her mind. Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant.

She wonders how this can be when they only slept together a few hours ago, but then even her thoughts disappear into the darkness that surrounds her.

A/N: AAAAAAAAAND what do you think? Did you suspect it? Haha. I thought LokSat alone was not enough for Caskett to face, I had to add some drama. 😂

Uhhh, btw. there's still more drama coming, mwahaha *cue Rick on the Halloween episode with the drill*

But this fic involves plotting which I'm not used to, I rather write and only follow the vague outline in my head, but this doesn't work in this fic, or at least does not fit my own standards, so, sorry that this will take a bit longer. So I hope the longer chapter makes up for it. ❤️

But thank you for all the amazing reviews so far! I love every single one of them and am always grateful to hear your opinion :)