Chapter Seventeen - Please forgive me
Brrr. It's cold.
Frowning, Ashiya breathes into his hands to warm them up. If his fingers hurt so much after an hour and a half - why did he choose these half-finger gloves? Just because he thought he could pull the sled better? - He doesn't even want to know how Urushihara fared in the snow and cold during those sixteen hours out there.
Thoughtfully, he stares at the beggar's bracelet on the roof beam above him, turning in the light wind and making a soft, delicate ring. They forgot to give it back to Alas-Ramus, but - he listens briefly to the faint cheers from afar - considering how wild the little one is in the snow, maybe that's better.
It would break her heart if she lost the jewel.
He stretches out, pulls the bracelet from the nylon cord with a strong tug, and closes his fist around it. Then he enters the cabin, takes off his coat, scarf, hat and boots, and walks over to the dining table.
Ashiya places the bracelet in the middle of the table and looks at it for a moment.
He still remembers how his king bought it for Alas-Ramus at the amusement park - and it was the only thing Ashiya tolerated that day. Five of these little pendants are even from him - whenever he discovers something nice, he can't resist. When Alas-Ramus' face lights up with joy, the sun rises for him too.
And the thought that she was really convinced that Maou-sama and he don't like Lucifer hurts very much.
How obviously cruel they must have been for such an innocent child, who had only experienced love from them, to notice something like that?
He is truly ashamed.
Resolutely, he picks up the thermometer still lying in the middle of the table and climbs up the stairs to the bedroom he shares with Maou-sama and Lucifer.
He knocks politely on the door before opening it and entering.
Maou has just sat down on the bed and turns to him upon his arrival.
"My lord," Ashiya greets him before Maou can say anything, "Alas-Ramus prefers to sled with you now. There's still an hour of light, you should use the time."
Maou looks uncertainly at Urushihara who is lying in bed, his hand still resting lightly on his shoulder and hesitating noticeably.
"Go on," Urushihara growls and makes a waving gesture. And then he turns to the side, his back to him, giving him the unmistakable understanding that he should go.
"Don't spoil the kid's fun. I'm fine."
Maou bites his lips for a moment, inwardly torn, because it was exactly this laissez-faire attitude that led to all this.
In the end, Ashiya decides, because he nods at him again and then sits down on the other side of Urushihara's bed. He even shakes up a pillow and then leans comfortably against the head of the bed while he grabs for the book on the nightstand.
And so Maou mumbles a soft goodbye and leaves the room, but not without looking back one last time.
But the sight he sees is so relaxed and peaceful that he leaves with a light heart.
"I don't need a babysitter," Urushihara mumbles as soon as the door clicks into place and he turns back to the other side.
"I've just been sledding with Alas-Ramus for an hour and a half, I need some rest," Ashiya replies completely unimpressed.
"And then you come to me?"
This question is more than justified considering their little cordial relationship, but it still causes a lump in Ashiya's throat, which he quickly swallows.
"Yes," he answers briefly, then taps Urushihara's shoulder lightly.
"I brought the thermometer, do you want to take your temperature yourself or shall I do it?" He asks him politely and when Urushihara opens his hand, he carefully places the small device inside.
The fallen angel does not even bother to get up from his prone position when he puts the thermometer to his ear. Ashiya watches this with raised eyebrows, hoping that this is due to Urushihara's usual laziness and not something more serious.
"And to answer your question in more detail," he picks up the previous topic again - mainly to cover his own, uncharacteristic uncertainty - "I need some rest with a good book, and this is the quietest room. "
Urushihara listens to the quiet rustle of a paper being turned over and then smiles:
"Let me guess: the latest savings guide?" His voice is raspy and he coughs briefly, the thermometer beeps and he hands it to Ashiya.
"Exactly thirty-seven," the Blonde reads off, and you can hear the relief in his voice. "That's good."
Urushihara just hums something incomprehensible.
"Do me a favor, will you?" Ashiya demands. "If you don't feel well, now or in the future, either tell Maou-sama or me or both of us, no matter who you prefer, but say it."
Urushihara next to him tenses up for a moment, but then decides to swallow everything on his tongue. Most of it would have been very rude and he is simply too exhausted for a fight.
Ashiya quickly regrets his harsh words, but he doesn't know how to apologize.
He never apologized to Urushihara.
And so he concentrates on the book in his hands. But after the first paragraph, he stops and realizes with astonishment that not a single word has stuck in his memory.
Frustrated, he closes the book and puts it aside. He leans the back of his head against the wooden headboard of the bed behind him and stares into the air for a few seconds, then glances hesitantly at the curled figure next to him.
And suddenly, an unfamiliar feeling for Urushihara overcame him: fear. But not just any kind of fear, but the same fear that always overcomes him when his king embarks on adventures that are too daring: the fear of losing him.
Involuntarily, his hand jerks forward and falls heavily on Urushihara's shoulder.
The Fallen shudders at this unexpected touch, but does not retreat.
"Our king was so worried about you that he would have stayed up all night waiting for you," Ashiya says. "I couldn't let him do that, so I forced him to drink a glass of wine." He feels obliged to clarify. "As you know, wine is the best soporific for our king."
Again, Urushihara gives only an indeterminate hum.
Encouraged, Ashiya continues:
"If it had been him, he would have searched for you in the dark, in the snowstorm, but then he would have gotten lost. That wouldn't have helped anyone."
Urushihara is silent, but Ashiya sees him clenching his hands and feels Urushihara's muscles tense under his hand. Gently, but firmly, he presses his shoulder.
"It was not easy for me," he admits. "I was worried about you too, but I had to look after the well-being of our king. And none of us really suspected that something serious might have happened to you." He laughs unhappily. "We had no idea you couldn't see." If he didn't know what to say at first, the words just bubble out. "We've had over a month to notice something, I'm the one who spends most of the time with you, and I haven't noticed anything. I'm a terrible friend, I'm sorry."
He does not think about it as he leans over to Urushihara and presses his face into his dark hair.
"I'm sorry." Tears quiver in his voice as he puts his arm around Urushihara. Suddenly, he doesn't know why it's always been so hard for him, the more he says it, the easier it becomes.
"I am so sorry."
Shocked, Urushihara flinches when he suddenly feels Ashiya's large body so close to him. Such spontaneous outbursts of emotion are nothing unusual for Ashiya, but so far, his focus has always been on Maou - he has always kept a distance from Urushihara and the fact that he is suddenly so close to him is more than irritating.
Especially when Ashiya breathes another "I'm so terribly sorry" into his neck.
"It's okay, Ashiya," Urushihara groans embarrassed and pats Ashiya's hand reassuringly. "Don't make a fuss, I forgive you."
"But I don't! " Ashiya replies vehemently. As usual, he is very hard on himself, but this does not usually apply when Urushihara is involved.
That's wrong, a soft voice whispers in Urushihara's ear.
He was about to believe it, but then Ashiya moved away from him and the mattress creaked as he sat up.
"I have violated my duties as a housekeeper and am not worthy to serve our king. Therefore, I will do everything in my power to regain his and your trust," he swears fervently.
Urushihara can literally see in his mind's eye how the blonde theatrically pounds his chest with his fist and hastily covers his mouth to hide his grin.
A guilt-ridden Ashiya is something completely new, and whether it's real or not, he hopes it lasts a long time, because who knows, maybe he can use it - more of that delicious cocoa, an extra portion of meat, or maybe just a few days without Ashiya nagging him?