For the third year in a row, Harry Potter, was anticipating boarding the train that would take him away from the torture the Dursleys had made almost the entirety of his life. Truthfully, the relief he had felt the first year had been drowned out by the anxiety over finding a platform that did not exist in the muggle sense. This year, as in the previous year, he could savor the experience. The weeks he had spent with the Weasleys prior to his second year had given him an early respite from his relatives. This year, his summer torment had been cut short by the honeymoon at the Tonks residence. That had been his temporary new home, one he shared with his wives. A more permanent residence was going to be needed, but they had the time and money for it not to be a true bother. What it boiled down to was that there was now no way he'd ever have to see his accursed relatives, or so he thought.

Traversing the muggle side of the station, he heard words he never thought he would hear again. "BOY! GET OVER HERE!" In that instance, his wonderful morning was soured.

Instinctively, Harry braced for the encounter, gripping his wand. While he might be forbidden from using magic in this setting, a pointy stick was still a pointy stick, as he had proven to that mountain troll in his first year.

A loud whirring sound caught the boy's attention as he turned to face his uncle. A spinning metal disk shot past, arcing down and catching Vernon below his protruding gut. As the obese man doubled over in pain, the identity of the disk became clear as the rest of the rubbish bin slammed over the man's head and shoulders with enough force to bowl him over and leave a nasty dent in its bottom. Its semi-solid contents sprayed out before Vernon's gut plugged the opening.

"Vernon!" his Aunt Petunia screeched when she unfroze from the shock, hurrying to help her husband. Dislodging the wedged receptacle, however, required more strength than she and her son could muster.

"Ooops," Hermione said from her spot next to Harry. "Did I do that?" She had about zero remorse in her voice, slightly more than the appropriate amount.

Without outward signs of amusement, Ted cast the Baubillious charm at the bin, splitting it at its seams and revealing the popularity of the venue among dog owners.

Andi sighed before she produced her wand and started muttering "Obliviate," as she targeted the gaping muggles who had witnessed the display.

Worried that Hermione would be getting in trouble for underage magic, Harry turned to scan for Ministry officials, only to find Dora and four other wizards in red robes directing the rest of the commuter traffic.

"Don't worry, Hermione," Ted said before any of the teens could work themselves up over the incident. "That wouldn't be the first-time accidental magic was performed here on the first day of school. It is a highly emotional time, and mishaps occur with annoying regularity."

"To be fair," Andi said, putting her wand away, "the emotion responsible isn't normally anger and rarely is a third-year responsible, but it is not unexpected in either case."

"Does that mean I can do it again?" Hermione innocently asked.

"Errrrr," Andi said, obviously conflicted.

"It wouldn't be accidental magic then, now would it?" Ted came to her rescue. "Let's leave barrel tossing to the professionals, if you wouldn't mind."

"Okay," Hermione agreed. "Next time I'll use flames."

"Oh, this is so annoying," Emma said. "I know we shouldn't be encouraging her at this point, but it is so hard not to."

"Hey." Dudley waddled over, pushing a cart that held a trunk. "We are supposed to have a truce. You don't beat on me, and I don't beat on you." He looked over his shoulder at his father futilely attempting to pick himself off the ground. "That includes Mum and Dad."

With an exasperated sigh, Andi cast the Scourgify charm on the rotund victim and his surroundings.

"Dudley." Harry was having conflicting emotions upon seeing his cousin. "You got in."

"Yeah," Dudley said. "Dad threw a wobbly when he heard the news, but he ended up paying for my supplies. I didn't need to use the coins Dean gave me."

A couple yards away, Vernon had regained his feet. "Boy!" he snapped in a surprising soprano. "Look after my son." Then without another word, he spun around and marched away with mincing steps.

Petunia looked at the retreating form before rushing over to give Dudley a hug. "I am so sorry you got caught up in this mess." She said, "I love you Duddiekins. I wish you weren't going to that horrid school, but…" She looked at her son with sad eyes. "I love you." She then released him before rushing after her husband.

Dudley watched her leave before addressing Harry. "I left myself another letter at the bank, went to the hospital like it said. The throwing up and diarrhea were not fun, by the way."

"You were potioned, too," Harry stated.

Dudley paused before saying, "I don't know what I think of you anymore."

"That makes two of us," Harry responded.

"I kind of hate you," Dudley continued as if Harry hadn't spoken. "And I kind of feel sorry for you. Believe me, that's new. But mostly, I feel regret."

"So, you aren't going to suddenly declare us friends," Harry stated.

"No. Not quite yet," Dudley said. "But I do declare us family."

Harry stared at the boy unblinking for a few seconds. "You don't sound as dumb as you used to," he said bluntly.

Dudley was the first to blink. "Dad got me some correspondence courses. Normally, I wouldn't have wanted to do them; I still didn't, but it wasn't as bad as I remember. The work was easier to do, too."

"I sense Dumbledore's hand in the matter," Andi said, breaking into the conversation. "Let's proceed to the platform, then you can continue getting reacquainted with each other."

Harry snapped out of his tunnel vision enough to see that they had an audience. "Okay," he said sheepishly.

"Don't worry," Dora said. "You can go back to being awkward in a few minutes."

"You're not helping," Dan said as he led the Carrow twins toward the barrier. "Come on; I'm sure Luna and her father are waiting for us."

It wasn't long before they were standing on Platform 9¾. As Dan had predicted, Luna and her father, Xenophilius, were already there, anticipating their arrival.

"Harry!" Luna cried, flinging herself into the boy's arms, doing an impression of a Hermione glomp.

"That's new." Xenophilius smiled as he watched his daughter maul the young Potter. "I can already see you are a good influence on her."

"Need… to… breathe…" Harry responded.

"You've got a girlfriend?" Dudley asked with more than a little jealousy.

"Actually, I'm his consort," Luna said, burying her face in Harry's chest.

"Oh… Right…" Dudley quipped, "That's sooo much better." He turned to look at Ted. "What's a consort?"

"I dare say you're in for a few surprises," Ted said, patting the large boy on his head.

Dudley shrugged. "I'm a freak now. I suppose it goes with the territory."

"You're not a freak." Hermione huffed in anger.

"You know…" Dudley ignored her ire. "…if you'd of asked me, I'd of said you were his girlfriend before I saw the blonde."

"I'm one of his wives," Hermione informed him.

"W-what?" Dudley stuttered. "His wife? How did… wait… One of?"

"I'm his other one," Dora said, waving her hand.

Dudley stared at her with wide eyes then glanced at Hermione before finally letting his gaze fall on Luna. "Bugger me," he whispered.

"Language," Emma chided.

"That's what D…" Hermione started.

"Hermione!" Dora all but shouted. "Really! Shut up! Now!"

"Your daughter is such the deviant," Dan told Ted.

"Look who's talking," Ted replied.

Enough time had passed without any communication, allowing the new head of the DMLE to take the next step. Scrimgeour had called on Spencer to do his duty. It was a rather unique responsibility among the employees of the Ministry. Since several of them lived alone, it occasionally became necessary to do wellness checks on their places of residence. When wards came into play, this could have been bothersome if not for his unique position. He was keyed into the protections of everyone who had no other confidants, something many would not have consented to if not for the crippling oaths to which the man was subjected. As such, it was his responsibility to floo to the former undersecretary's abode, prompted by the fact that the last contact predated the big trials. All they had to do was wait for his report before a proper missing person's investigation could commence, not that anyone was in a hurry to find the woman, considering there still wasn't enough evidence to tie her to Fudge's crimes.

The flames flared green and Spencer reappeared at Auror central, his own complexion closer to the magical fire than his normal pinkish hue. When he looked at the wizards waiting for his report, he opened his mouth to answer their unasked questions. He then stifled his gag reflex before rushing over to the nearest wastebin which was used to receive the contents of his stomach before they flowed out the mesh sides.

"This is going to be good." Scrimgeour all but sighed as he waited for the afflicted man regain his composure. "What happened?" he demanded when the sounds of sickness receded.

"It looked like she tried to catch a bombarda with her face," Spencer mewed pitifully, "or at least with the upper part of her body."

"Did you drop the wards?" Scrimgeour asked, waving the waiting aurors and healer through when he received a nod. "What are the chances she's still alive?"

"I'm pretty sure you need a head to be alive," Spencer stated dryly. "So, slim to none." He spat into the wastebin to clear some of the taste from his mouth. "I'm leaning toward none, not that I'm a qualified healer, mind you."

Scrimgeour tapped his chin with a finger. "This is going to get messy," he commented to himself.

"Trust me," Spencer said. "It already is."

"He's in here," Harry confirmed as he preceded Hermione and Luna into the compartment. He had specifically allowed the Carrow twins to go sit with their friends receiving a weird acceptance from them in response. Surprisingly, Dudley had elected to follow the pair.

"Is he sleeping?" Luna asked, eyeing a scruffy-looking man occupying one of the benches as Hermione closed the door behind herself.

"Either that or he's good at pretending," the bushy-haired girl answered.

"Well," Harry said with a shrug, "here goes." With those words, he drew back a foot before sending a swift kick toward the possibly comatose adult's shin.

"Yeeeeeowwwwch!" the definitely not-sleeping man exclaimed. "What was that for?!"

"You told me to," Harry said, taking a seat on the bench opposite the man.

"What?" The man glared at the boy. "I did no such thing."

"There may be a couple degrees of separation," Luna said, sitting down next to Harry, "but the statement is essentially true."

"I still say it was a bad idea," Hermione said, letting Crookshanks out of his carrier. "He could have come out shooting spells."

"Eh." Harry shrugged. "It got his attention."

"And what, pray tell," the man all but growled, "do you plan to do with my attention?"

"Well, you see…" Harry started.

"Wait a sec." Hermione interrupted before addressing the man. "Would you mind erecting some privacy wards? We haven't left the station yet; there's no telling who'll wander in. After all, the Weasley's haven't shown up yet, not to mention people looking for empty compartments."

Grumbling, the man got out his wand and complied. "Now, care to explain why you thought assaulting me was a good idea?"

"In my defense, I did say I thought it was a bad idea," Hermione reminded him, plopping down on Harry's other side.

The man gave Hermione a glance. "Noted." He then turned his attention back to Harry. "Well?"

"Time travel, Uncle Moony. Time travel."

Remus blinked at the son of his friend letting his mouth hanging open. "Sirius put you up to this, didn't he?" was what he finally got out.

"Sirius hasn't come out of hiding yet," Hermione said as Crookshanks hopped onto her lap. "Either he hasn't gotten word of his acquittal yet or he has some other reason to continue laying low."

Remus sighed and leaned back, putting his wand away. "It's good to see you, Harry," he said, no trace of anger left in his voice. "I've been waiting years for this meeting, but Dumbledore wouldn't allow it."

"No surprise there." Hermione huffed. "He was keeping Harry ignorant and isolated."

Remus gave the girl a judgmental look before saying. "I'm sure that wasn't his intent. You can't believe everything you read in the Prophet."

Hermione glared back at the adult. "He gave Harry loyalty potions, and they were the least worrisome of the lot according to Mrs. Tonks."

Remus gaped at Hermione before trying. "There must be some mistake. Albus would never do such a thing."

"Oh, there is no mistake," Luna said distractedly. "It is a fact that the headmaster meant to exploit Harry regardless of how much Harry suffered."

"Ex-headmaster," Hermione corrected.

"I don't believe you," Remus stated. "He's done too much good for me to believe you."

"That's…" Hermione started but Remus cut her off.

"No… don't respond to that." He groaned and let his head fall back. "I've already had a remarkably similar conversation with the new headmistress. And, as much as I'd like to, I cannot continue to ignore the evidence constantly being thrown in my face."

"Meaning?" Hermione prompted.

"Meaning Albus Dumbledore might not be the man I always thought he was," Remus admitted at a whisper, though the compartment was quiet enough that none missed the words.

"That's a start." Harry said. "From what future me said, I thought getting you to face facts might be tougher."

Remus' head snapped up. "You're still going on about time travel? You came back in time and talked to yourself? That is unbelievably dangerous. It is not worth the risk to change a few hours."

"No, I didn't come back. My cousin did, and we got his memories," Harry said.

"And it was more like a few decades, not hours," Luna added helpfully.

"What!" Remus abruptly stood up. "Where is he now? I need to talk to him immediately. This is unbelievably dangerous. You have no idea how much peril we are all in."

"Relax," Harry said with sorrow in his voice. "He doesn't exist anymore."

"He doesn't exist anymore?" Remus echoed.

"He changed time so much that he ceased to exist," Harry said.

"He…" Remus stared into space for a few seconds before slumping back onto his seat. "He ceased to exist?"

"Yeah," Harry said glumly.

"How did we all not collapse into a paradox?" Remus asked no one in particular.

"Dunno," Harry admitted. "I'm sure the future us accounted for the possibility. It's not like Hermione to miss a detail like that."

Remus put his hand on his face. "I've managed to be on the wagon for four years now. If this conversation continues along these lines, you are going to knock me right off."

"So, now would be a bad time to tell you that it gets worse?" Harry asked.

"This is a prank," Remus muttered. "This has got to be a prank."

"It would be a heck of a prank if it were." Hermione nodded consolingly.

"Why would you even consider time travel on that scale?" Remus demanded.

"You know, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria, that kind of thing," Hermione offered.

"What?" Remus squeaked as Harry and Luna gave Hermione questioning stares.

"Sorry. Movie quote that totally fell flat." Hermione blushed. "Sometimes I forget there are things that will just go over magical heads."

"What's wrong with dogs and cats living together?" Luna asked.

"What she meant to say was bad things happened and we decided that we didn't want those bad things happening." Harry tried to salvage the conversation.

"It couldn't have been that bad," Remus protested.

"You died," Luna informed him.

"Um…" Remus wavered. "Still."

"A lot of people died," Hermione added.

Remus slumped in his seat. "So," he said after a second, "what's the plan?"

"We kill them before they kill us," Harry said seriously

A few specks of sweat formed on Remus' forehead. "That's bordering on dark," he warned the boy.

"Perhaps," Hermione said, "but it is better than letting them pick us off one by one like Dumbledore advocates."

"You want to become a dark witch?" Remus asked of her.

"No," Hermione said firmly. "I'm a light witch along the lines of Godric. He would have been the first in line to start removing heads from people like Malfoy."

"Where did you hear something like that?" Remus asked patiently, obviously getting ready to correct the girl.

"From books that Dumbledore had removed from the Hogwarts library." Hermione bit her lip. "I sent myself a list to read, and I must say, there are a lot of words that can be used to describe Godric Gryffindor but 'pacifist' is definitely not one of them."

"Don't your foes deserve the chance to reform?" Remus reasoned.

"No!" the three children chorused back firmly.

"Their victims deserve their first and only chance to live," Luna stated bluntly.

Remus looked at all three in turn before leaning back in his seat once again. "I will not kill in cold blood," he said after a minute of silence.

"We're not asking you to," Harry answered. "We're asking you not to instantly forgive people for doing just that."

"Don't worry, we aren't planning on punishing people for crimes they haven't committed yet," Hermione said. "However, once they do, the gloves come off."

"Draco is lucky that is the case," Harry said. "Else, I'd be throwing him in front of the train once we came up to speed."

"Harry," Hermione gasped.

"I'm sorry, Hermione. I didn't tell you what he did to Katie." He paused for a second before adding. "Don't ask, because I'm not going to."

"You're supposed to be children," Remus said, "not hardened veterans."

Luna shrugged. "We are a little of both. Dora says that Hermione has drop kicked her deference to authority figures, and Harry isn't quite as innocent as he used to be."

"Dora has done everything within her power to mangle Harry's innocence." Hermione snorted.

"I'm not complaining." Harry smirked.

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. "You three are much too young to be having this conversation with me."

"So, we're not going to be talking about sex, then?" Luna asked innocently.

Remus choked on his spit.

"Luna, that wasn't very nice," Hermione chided.

"Was funny, though," Harry admitted.

"This is not how this conversation was supposed to have gone," Remus muttered. "Harry, hello, I'm a friend of your father. Sorry I haven't been in contact for most of your life, but it was felt that you'd be safer if I stayed away. I see now that that was wrong; so, could you please forgive me and let me be part of your life despite my being a fool. By the way, I'm sorry for thinking your oath-bound godfather was a heartless murderer and betrayer of your parents. Would you like some chocolate?"

"Would you like to try again; starting from the top?" Harry asked. "You seem a little stressed."

"Yes, I am," Remus admitted. "Though I have to say, you are taking this meeting much calmer than I imagined."

"I've used up a year's allotment of surprise this summer," Harry said with a shrug. "You can only say 'What just happened?' so many times before it becomes 'Eh, whatever.'."

"You are way too jaded," Remus commented.

"As long as you don't expect me to face a big snake with a sword, I'm good," Harry replied.

"Mind you, Harry's definition of 'big snake' is nightmare-inducing," Hermione muttered.

"Mmm hmmm." Luna nodded her head vigorously in agreement.

"Sooo…" Harry prodded. "You said something about chocolate?"

Amelia looked up at Rufus Scrimgeour as he strode into her office after receiving the go ahead from her secretary. "Is it that time already?" she asked.

"I'm afraid you are going to be disappointed, Minister," Rufus said.

Amelia frowned. "That's not how I like conversations to begin."

"It's just that I know you very much wanted to drag Dolores in for questioning, tie her to Fudge's crimes, then drag her before the Wizengamot where you would gleefully tear her down."

"You make me sound like a sadist." Amelia continued frowning.

"Well, I am sorry to say that you'll have to settle for pissing on her grave," Rufus said casually.

"Do you have any idea how cumbersome that would be?" Amelia asked him.

"Um… what?"

"You forgot you were talking to a woman, didn't you?" Amelia pressed.

"No… No… It's just a saying." Rufus started to give Amelia a wary look.

"Now you're imagining the mechanics. Aren't you?"

"No! No! I most assuredly am not." Rufus rushed to assure her.

"I don't believe you," Amelia told him.

"I…I…" He visibly shook himself. "You're trying to rattle me."

"Is it working?"

"Yes."

"Then you'll think twice before you pull a stunt like that again," Amelia told him. "So, Dolores is no longer among the living?"

"No," Rufus said. He cringed. "I don't think there's any magic strong enough to get rid of that smell." He took a moment to compose himself before continuing. "I have a team scraping her off the floor… and wall… and ceiling. Let's not forget the chair, desk or all the other furnishings in the room for that matter."

"Sounds thorough." Amelia commented.

"She got up close and personal with a bombarda maxima," Rufus said. "So yes, very thorough."

"I see," Amelia said. "So, do we know who did it?"

"Not a clue. There wasn't a magical signature we could identify."

"Are you positive that the investigation team didn't muddy the waters by accident?" Amelia asked.

"I asked them about that. They said they couldn't do that since there wasn't a signature to muddy," Rufus said. "Whoever did it cleaned up after themselves rather thoroughly."

"They did, now did they?" Amelia questioned.

"It occurs to me how ridiculous that statement sounds considering the mess they left behind…" Rufus shrugged. "…despite us both knowing I meant they removed any magical residue."

Amelia sighed. "So, no leads then."

"No, whomever did it didn't want us to know who they were but was more than happy to let us know the deed was done simply by the virtue that they didn't bother to vanish her remains."

"Someone wanted the public to know she was deceased and not doing a runner." Amelia nodded. "Any ideas?"

"None, and as you know, the next step would be making a list of those we may suspect would want her dead."

"I know the procedure," Amelia deadpanned.

"You also know it would be easier to just get the directory of Ministry employees and make a list of those we don't suspect having a reason to want her dead."

"That list would be shorter," Amelia conceded.

"I'd wager I could remove half the people from that list with a little questioning," Rufus added.

"So, by virtue of holding a grudge, half the Ministry is suspect," Amelia summarized.

"Only half?" Rufus raised an eyebrow. "More like ninety-five percent. The woman was not well-liked. I think Fudge was the only one who could actually tolerate her."

"That is an unmanageable number of suspects." Amelia nodded.

"To be fair, by that metric both you and I belong on that list," Rufus stated. "Though I suspect, once we narrow down the time of death, we shall have solid alibis, considering how busy we've been."

"This is starting to sound like an untenable number of manhours if we go at it from that angle," Amelia said.

"It is." Rufus nodded. "Now consider so far, we have only been talking about Ministry workers. I have no idea where to start with members of the general public. She is responsible for some very unsavory laws."

"There is that."

"Actually, that statement is less than true." Rufus reconsidered. "I know exactly where to start. The problem lies in where to stop."

"We'll just have to ascribe motive to common decency then, shan't we," Amelia said. "What have we got on means?"

"That thankfully narrows the pool considerably. Whoever did it had the skill and power to bypass her wards without leaving any evidence, not to mention removing all traces of their magic."

"With the proper artifact, that last stipulation isn't impossible for anyone with minimal magical ability," Amelia countered. "As for the first point, it could have been someone she was comfortable letting into her home, making the question of wards moot."

"Who would want to go to her home?"

"Someone who wanted to kill her, obviously," Amelia returned

"So, we are back to suspecting half of the wizarding population."

"Ninety-five percent."

"She wasn't in direct contact with that many civilians, so more like seventy-five," Rufus argued.

Amelia drummed her fingers on her desk. "Is there anyone we can reasonably suspect?"

"Considering the timing, Fudge may have hired someone to keep her quiet."

"That would make the list longer not shorter," Amelia said. "Besides, his contacts as a prisoner were limited to his lawyer, his wife, and Delorus herself."

"Are you telling me that you don't think Fudge's wife wouldn't pass on a termination contract if the target were Umbridge?"

"Rufus!"

"The only reason I'm discounting his lawyer is the vows every attorney is required to make," the head of the DMLE continued.

"You realize that just makes the list of suspects larger since foreign professionals are now a consideration."

"I'm sure a few of them would of had a personal grudge, probably would have been willing to give a discount just for the opportunity," Rufus reasoned.

"This is going to look bad. A murder, and we haven't a single idea on who could have done it."

"I thought we established a lot of people could have done it," Rufus countered. "We just haven't a way to narrow the list."

"And what am I to tell the press?" Amelia asked.

"You see, that's your old position as head of the DMLE peeking through," Rufus said. "The way it is supposed to go is the Minister asks the DMLE head 'How is the case going?' to which the DMLE head replies 'We are investigating every possible avenue.' After which, the Minister response with 'Okay, good job. I'll let the press know you are on the case.'"

Amelia thought about it for a second. "How is the case going?" she asked.

"We are investigating every possible avenue," Rufus responded.

"Okay, good job. I'll let the press know you are on the case." Amelia commended him.

"See, that wasn't so hard, was it?" Rufus asked.

"No," Amelia admitted. "Strangely enough I actually feel a bit of accomplishment over those few words."

"We'll make a politician out of you yet."

"Please don't"

…

…

…

…

"So, you want to get a bite to eat? It's around lunch time," Rufus ventured.

"There is that new restaurant in the alley I've been meaning to try," Amelia noted. "Their tartare is to die for."

Rufus made a face. "Let's try for something vegetarian. I've seen enough bits of meat for a lifetime."