The Twilight Zone

6

The caverns occupied by the Rani's secret lab remained intact. When the Doctor took off her helmet to greet the fresh air she could taste the electrical tang of a forcefield generator: so the Rani had prepared for the event that the tunnels under the volcano would be besieged, even if it was by her own hand. She was much too pragmatic to let herself get crushed as a result of her experiments succeeding. And a radioactive, mutant dinosaur was most certainly a success in the Rani's book, she was sure.

But the same wasn't true for her ailing assistant. Emix's body was half underneath a collapsed segment of the tunnel wall. It must have happened too quickly for her to get away, and in the section of cave in the open air where a xetian couldn't move properly. The Doctor shook her head, sickened, as she and Zono continued their expedition.

"How do you know she's still down here?" asked Zono, who had tagged along. The Doctor would rather face the Rani alone, but knew she owed Zono a full explanation – it was her own fault that things had ever gotten that far, after all. They'd had to make a slight detour so Zono could put on an air-suit.

"I don't. I'm hoping she'll be too curious to take off before she knows whether her monster has killed me or not." But the Rani was not the Master; the Master would always wait around to see whether their scheme had finally cost the Doctor her life, but the Rani? She didn't care a damn for anything except for her experiments. The Doctor supposed, however, that there was always the possibility the Rani would be so enraged at her creation's demise that she would be waiting around to try and exact revenge.

The Doctor had acquired another speargun from the Aegeans' divers which she held up as they rounded the corner into the laboratory, still intact despite the walls quite literally falling down around it. And there was the Rani, running to and fro in her lair, trying to gather up valuable equipment before she made her escape.

"You never did know when to let go of your pets, did you?" said the Doctor, pointing the gun directly at her. The Rani stopped, turned slowly, held up her hands, then laughed coldly.

"A gun? The Doctor with a gun? Or am I hallucinating?"

"Don't test me," the Doctor threatened as she approached, stepping over a few chunks of rubble, around the emptied tanks, ducking underneath the particle accelerator still running the length of the room (a thing like that was too big to shift in a hurry.) "What was that thing?"

"A relic."

"Is that all?"

"All?"

"I don't know – maybe you've been gene-splicing down here. Making your own personal monsters out of whatever scraps you can find in the dirt. Playing god."

"Nonsense. I don't have the arrogance."

"Is that right? Do you even care how many people died when your little lizard broke out of here? Of course, you're safe with your forcefield. As soon as you run away, this cave will collapse. How many more lives will you take with you?" the Doctor challenged.

"You're not one to talk about taking lives. Did the Ushasosaurus not have a right to life just as much as your precious humans in that rubbish barge?"

"Did the-? You named it after yourself? You're unbelievable." The Rani was indifferent. "I thought you disowned that name when you were banished from Gallifrey?"

"I am reclaiming it. It will soon be the name of a great beast."

"Just any beast? You're not fussy?"

"One that doesn't succumb to your wiles."

"Newsflash – it was your stupid bomb I used to kill it. Maybe if you'd been excavating in a less insane way, I wouldn't have had the ammo."

"You killed it with a black hole?"

"No, I killed it with a white hole. I reversed the polarity of the neutron flow. And technically, Clara was the one who went out there to do it."

"One pet destroys another – almost like fate."

"You know what? Don't you dare talk about her that way, she is a million times braver and more compassionate than you've ever been – even when you opened that ridiculous florist," said the Doctor, enraged. "She's my wife, and I don't care that you've suddenly decided to represent the old-guard Gallifreyan attitudes you've consistently derided so much. What loyalty do you have to them?"

"I didn't want them to die," she snapped, turning as cold as the Doctor was hot, "I didn't want my home to fall to ruin – but that was what you wrought, wasn't it? Oh, you might want to spin this story about yourself: 'The Doctor – the one who heals – the peacekeeper of the universe'; but what are you, really? Nothing but a war criminal. A war criminal too cowardly to admit it. You want them to call you a hero for what you did to the Rutan? That disgusts me. You accuse me of playing god when it's the only thing you've been doing for a thousand years. You decided the Rutan had less worth than this backwater moon."

"They only wanted to mine the planet to fuel their war with the Sontarans! You know that! And I gave them a chance to leave, I talked to them, I warned them about their hydrogen scoop! Did you warn Xetos before you forced their volcano to erupt? Millions of people could have died, and thousands probably have already. If not to your 'Ushasosaurus', then to the Glow."

The Rani scoffed, "Is that supposed to mean something to me?"

"Your radiation experiments have been mutating the coral growing on the volcano slopes. Human divers have been harvesting it, taking it to the surface, turning it into a hallucinogen and selling it for profit as a phoney cure for the bends."

"And this is my fault how? If humans want to collect pieces of coral and inject themselves with it, that's their business."

"No! You're the manufacturer! You're the one sitting here in a bed of opium poppies trying to tell me it's nothing to do with you that people are reaping your harvest and cooking heroin."

"Perhaps I only want the seeds."

"That's beside the point! It is your fault!"

"It's supply and demand. The free market."

"Screw the free market! When did it ever do anything useful?"

"You mistake me as somebody who cares about the dull ideas humans come up with by which they organise their societies. It seems to me that the real villains here are those buffoons upstairs."

"Oh yeah? I got news for you – those buffoons are dead. Your lizard ate them alive." The Rani laughed. "It's not funny."

"What? I did you a favour. What were you planning to do about them? Solve an entire ideology in one fell swoop? Convince them to see the error of their ways? Talk them to death?"

"All of the above, maybe," she said unsurely.

"What were you planning to do?" Zono, who had been a mere observer as the Time Lords bickered so far, eventually asked.

"Turn them into the Shadow Proclamation."

"You were going to call the police?" the Rani mocked her, "The police who buy electricity from Aegean Industries on the cheap? Admit it – you had no plan. I solved your problem."

"Killing them won't change anything. There's always another capitalist waiting to swell up and fill the void. That's why I never resort to murder."

"And yet you're still holding a gun! You would have caused chaos here with or without me, and then you would have given yourself a pat on the back and left. It's what you always do, make a mess and never face the consequences."

"You're wrong. It's your mess. You grew the dinosaur, you unleashed it on the city without warning. And if I'm so bad, why have you been stealing my identity, hm? Why would you pretend to be me if I'm so chaotic?" she challenged. The Rani didn't have a good answer for that, because the Doctor was right. "But, sure. Pretend I'm something else if it helps you sleep at night. God knows, if I was you, I'd never close my eyes again."

"You have the nerve to talk to me about morality after you eradicated our entire race?"

"I did what I had to do to end the war. You weren't even there. And yet, now you have the nerve to stand there and act like you miss them! An entire planet you couldn't wait to get away from when it was still there, and now what? Now you're mourning? Who's to say that if you were there at Arcadia, the tides couldn't have been changed? If you used your genius for good, instead of crawling around in the mud and perverting the natural order of things? Even the Master was there."

"If you're such a good soldier, Doctor, why don't you pull that trigger? Stop me from regenerating." The Doctor held the harpoon gun steady, aiming it right at the Rani's head for a few long seconds. Then she sighed and lowered it, tossing it to the ground behind her.

"Fine. You called my bluff. You know I never would. I'd love to – really – but it wouldn't change a thing. It wouldn't turn back time, stop every atrocity you've ever wrought."

"And what about all the ones in my future?"

"Why do you insist on embodying all the worst parts of the Time Lords? All the arrogance, the self-importance, the lack of compassion? They hid on Gallifrey from the rest of the universe, and now you're doing the same thing. The only difference is that you're alone."

"Everything is always so black and white with you. Everyone has to be a villain so that you can be the hero."

"No, you just insist on being villainous every time I see you. Have you ever considered therapy? It might help."

"Don't mock me."

"I thought that's all we were doing? Mocking each other back and forth until one of us gives up? Or are you the only one who's allowed to do that?" the Doctor crossed her arms.

"This is beneath me. Reveal your plan to convert me to the side of arbitrary 'goodness' and let me leave."

"Doctor," Zono implored, "You need to do something."

"What do you suggest?" she asked, "You're the diplomat. It's your city she destroyed. Take her out and execute for all I care."

"But you wouldn't do it yourself," the Rani countered.

"There is no death penalty on Xetos," said Zono.

"Well, then I'll have to arrest her. I just so happen to know how to get a hold of a Doctor in a parallel universe where Gallifrey survived. I'm sure they'll know exactly what to do with you. Throw you into the time vortex? Take away your regenerations? Give you a few billion years to stew inside your confession dial? Who knows! That's one thing the Time Lords were always great at – cruel and unusual punishments."

"And you expect me to go with you without a fight?" the Rani laughed, "Or do you intend to march me to your TARDIS at gunpoint? You shouldn't have thrown your weapon to the ground like that. At the very least, it could have held me in place."

"I can pick it back up anytime, it's right there," she indicated the harpoon gun on the floor behind her.

"And how long will that take you? Ten seconds? Five?" She had a plan. Of course she had a plan. There was always something else with her. Without any more warning, the Rani lunged for one of her laboratory tables, still strewn with electronics. The Doctor ducked to the floor to grab the gun again, not knowing what the Rani might pull out next – another harpoon, for all she knew – and then it became a stand-off. The Rani was holding yet another singularity bomb.

"The one you tweaked earlier," she said, smiling cruelly. The Doctor had a spear, the Rani had a black hole bomb. It wasn't an even match. "You're not taking me to Gallifrey, I don't care what universe it's in."

"But I thought you missed it?" said the Doctor sarcastically. The Rani said nothing. "What're you gonna do? Blow us all up? You'd rather die in a black hole than spend a thousand years in a cell? They might let you do experiments for them if you behave."

"Of course not."

"Then what? Because as far as I can see, you don't have an escape route."

"Yes, 'as far as you can see.' You'd think you would be better at identifying perception filters by now, Doctor. But I suppose I have made a few modifications. Not to mention, my TARDIS has a fully-functioning chameleon circuit."

"…What?" The Rani was beginning to back away. She had a TARDIS in there? The Doctor had to squint and focus, straining her eyes to try and work out what the Rani's grand plan was. Then she saw it, blurry and in artificial shadow, a big mass of cream-coloured coral. "No! Get back!" the Doctor shouted, making to run after her, but she was too late. The Rani dipped behind the chunk of coral, roughly the same size as a person, and disappeared. But not before they heard a tell-tale clatter: she had dropped the singularity bomb and it rolled towards their feet. It was beeping. The Doctor let go of the gun.

"Doctor! What do we-!?" Zono was terrified, but the Rani wasn't the only one who always planned for one last twist.

They almost never had to use Oswin's meticulously crafted, emergency teleporters, that would zap them back to the TARDIS console room from anywhen and anywhere without question. But that didn't mean the Doctor didn't deign to use the one she carried with her just this once. She dug the teleporter out of her suit's utility belt – the same pocket she'd been keeping her screwdriver in – grabbed Zono and pressed the little button on the thing. They disappeared in a haze of blue light just as the bomb imploded in a dramatic black hole and the coral TARDIS began to thrum out of existence. The only silver lining was that the black hole wasn't very big and was the same mechanism the Rani had been using for her excavations. Down there in the caves it would not do any damage to the city (not more than the dinosaur had done, at least). The cave system would collapse and bury the Rani's leftover equipment. They were just lucky Zono had already been wearing an air suit.

"Dammit!" the Doctor cursed, already rushing around the console. The room was just as empty as she and Clara had left it earlier. "Maybe I can find a way to track her, chase her through the time vortex… if I could just pick up a trace…" She dashed from one lever to the next, annoyed at Jenny's redecorating when she couldn't find the controls where they usually were. In the end, it was all in vain. She could not get a bead on the Rani's TARDIS, nor the isotopes in her possession.

"Is there a problem? Why can't you track her?"

"It's not as easy as that," said the Doctor, "And besides, she's as clever as she is evil… only person I've ever seen to have a remote control for their TARDIS, wouldn't surprise me if it had a way to slip under the radar. Especially when it's a more advanced model." The central column made a humming noise. "I don't mean more advanced in a bad way – you know I love you the way you are."

"Are you… talking to the ship?" asked Zono incredulously.

"It's the TARDIS. She's alive. We grew them from coral in Arcadia, back on Gallifrey… looked just like the coral she was emulating with her chameleon circuit." She sighed. The Rani was long-gone, but they were back on the surface, in the city. "I'm sorry, Zono. I'm sorry I didn't tell you who I was right away, that she was lying, I… I thought I'd have more time, and I kept getting distracted."

"I'm the one who asked you to talk to the kids both times. If you're to blame, I'm to blame. Though, I think she's to blame, really…"

"When I met you when you were a kid, I told you to always stand up for yourself and what you think is right, even if it seems hopeless, and always be brave," said the Doctor, "I remember. And I… I still think what I did to the Rutan was the best option. I did warn them about what would happen to their ship if they tried to take Pheran's hydrogen, and they went right on ahead. I gave them a chance, a choice."

"It was meeting you that made me choose to be the ambassador for Xetos when people started moving in."

"Then, I'm glad. You have so much heart – more than every Aegean put together, I'd wager."

"Are you leaving?"

"No, I've got loose ends to tie up, and I have to go get Clara. Do you want to tag along? Work out what the fate of the city is now everyone in charge has been eaten by a giant, prehistoric crocodile-shark?" the Doctor asked, shutting down the TARDIS again and leaving the gaudy console room she disliked so much to hold open the doors for Zono. "Unless you want to stick around and see if my daughter will come out. I'm not sure what she's doing today."

"You have a daughter now? You and Clara?"

"Oh, god, no – Jenny's just mine. It's complicated, and she always says the details of her conception are private," said the Doctor. Jenny had never made a secret of her disdain for the Doctor always immediately explaining that she had been grown from a single, stolen tissue sample in a machine in the distant future.

The surface of Aegean-4 looked no different than usual, unlike the seafloor where Xetia's remains were scattered. It was still slick with stormwater and seafoam, glistening under the neon holograms of the logos and advertisements and full of destitute ex-employees with nowhere else to go. Did they even know what had happened under the water?

"Do you come up here often?" she asked Zono, straining her memory to find the right way through the streets to get back to Persephone's. It didn't help that the teleport had scrambled her brain again, as they always did.

"No. I can't come without invitation, being an ambassador, and they won't invite me. I haven't been up since they took over."

"Aio's right, you are a bureaucrat," said the Doctor.

"What were they doing with the sqwill? Did you find it?"

"Nothing. They just had it lying on their kitchen table, stinking up the place. People like that – they really have no regard for life. Unless keeping it alive will generate them a profit, which it rarely does… maybe she did solve one problem with her dinosaur… then again, who's going to replace them? Should anyone replace them? The whole base is one giant humanitarian crisis… But at least there won't be any more Glow if she's gone."

"I'll make sure we get rid of all the mutant coral, don't worry," Zono assured her, "And I'm sure we can manufacture anti-rad medication that will work for the humans."

"I'm grateful – and they will be, too. But I still don't know what's next for Aegean-4…"

The neon, red cross that hovered above the door for Persephone's clinic – or what remained of it – came into view. It didn't take long for the Doctor to find her way back, and she practically ran the rest of the way. The door still wasn't working so it took a few seconds for it to finally open enough to let them in, stuttering as it moved. The Doctor fought her way through.

"Clara!"

"I'm fine," said Clara, who was nearly knocked clean off her feet by the Doctor tackling her with a hug.

"She has a sprained wrist, but other than that, she's alright," said Persephone. Sostan was still there, too, having waited with Clara after bringing her to the surface.

"A sprained wrist!?" she exclaimed, "Let me see, I'll heal it for you."

"You will not," said Clara, retracting her hand when the Doctor tried to take it. "It'll be fine. And it's my left hand, I don't use it for anything anyway." She wasted no more time, pulling Clara towards her for a warm kiss that was almost too private considering they were in a room full of people.

"Hello," she said upon letting go.

"Hello to you, too," said Clara.

"…I don't mean to interrupt, but what happened with the Doctor?" asked Sostan, "Or, the – what was her name?"

"The Rani," Zono supplied the answer.

"She escaped," said the Doctor, still with her hands on Clara's waist, "Threw a bomb at us and took off in her TARDIS. I couldn't find a way to track it, she must have tricked it out. Probably to stop me from chasing her across the universe. But the important thing is she's gone, and she won't come back. Have you two met?" She indicated Zono and Persephone.

"No," said Zono.

"Great! I love making introductions." Clara stepped aside. "Zono, meet Persephone. Zono is Xetia's ambassador to Aegean-4, and Persephone is the only doctor left in this city. Zono is going to make it her mission to get rid of the Glow coral and provide the humans with anti-rads."

"I'm grateful, but it doesn't change the fact that Aegean Industries is almost definitely going to shut down the turbines and remove all their contractors when they find out what happened to Blane and Pax," said Persephone.

"What? How do you know?" the Doctor asked.

"I've worked on other outposts they've owned. As soon as any trouble starts – and it always does – they just leave."

"I might be able to broker a deal," said Zono, "I'll speak to the other members of the Consortium."

"That what?" asked Clara.

"Like, the city council," the Doctor explained quietly.

"The Consortium and Xetia have always welcomed alien outposts on Xetos. I'm sure we would be willing to take over operations until the humans can elect a Consortium of their own."

"Yes!" said the Doctor, "This is exactly what I was saying earlier; seize the means of production!"

"The incident with the volcano has severely damaged Xetia's geothermal infrastructure. We can bring plenty of food and medicine to the surface in exchange for power from Aegean-4. There should be more than enough for both cities if, as you say, Aegean Industries pulls out and stops taking it off-world."

"And if you kids stop trying to blow everything up," the Doctor added to Sostan, "I'm serious. Don't make me come back here. In fact – if someone gets me something to write with, I'll give all of you my number… I mean, god knows, if I did that thirty years ago maybe the worst of this situation could have been avoided…"

"You should print business cards," said Clara as Persephone managed to find the Doctor a scrap of paper and a pencil. "It would save a lot of time."

"I've got nothing but time. Here you go," she handed a piece of slightly soggy paper back to Persephone. "I'm very sorry, to all of you, for the trouble I've caused. I hope I can try and make it up to you a little by not leaving Xetos in the lurch this time. But I won't go as far as to impose myself on a diplomatic meeting – it's never been my strong point."

"You're leaving? Already?" Zono was surprised.

"Well, I… I suppose I'll stick around, while you iron out the kinks of this arrangement, work out how to get the city planners on board, talk to the Shadow Proclamation about all the poaching and the workers' rights violations… but, I did promise my wife that I'd get her a crog barnacle while we were here. I don't suppose there's a place to eat that isn't a vending machine?"

It had taken all day, but they'd finally uncovered the most human part of Aegean-4. A tiny little eatery called Homer's nestled on the southernmost dock of the city's disc. They'd gotten so side-tracked going back and forth between Xetia, Persephone, the Lighthouse and Xetia again that they'd never had the chance to see much of the people they'd been trying to save. Not everybody was sleeping in the streets and placating their suffering with radioactive drugs, there were a lot of people lingering in that humid shack of a restaurant that had an undeniably endearing quality. Clara didn't know what it was; the fact it was warm and smelled of sea salt, the fact it was rusty and looked in danger of falling apart at any moment, or the fact that there was live music in the form of a trio of people in a corner humming and playing makeshift instruments. Everything was working against it, but-

"I kind of love it here," she said. "People are laughing, that's… it's the most hopeful thing I've heard all day."

"People are always worth saving," said the Doctor, "That's what the Aegeans didn't understand." They sat together at a tiny table wedged into a corner. All the furniture looked like it had been fashioned from trash. She saw a few funny rocks dredged up from the seafloor being used as chairs. "I've been living with humans for a thousand years, and do you know what the most consistent thing I've learned about them is?"

"You fancy them?" Clara suggested. The Doctor ignored this.

"You can put any human anywhere in the universe and they'll always build a bar. And make music too, I guess. They didn't do that kind of thing on Gallifrey."

"They didn't have music?"

"Well, no, they did – but it was boring. The whole reason we started the band was to get away from their whack music scene; we could've been the next Beatles. Or the first Beatles."

"Sorry – band? Who was this?"

"It was mostly me and the Master." Clara stared at her. "I played the perigosto stick."

"Which was what?"

"Exactly what it sounds like! And he played the drums, but we had to break up in the end. Too much ego. We were like Liam and Noel, but worse."

"Are you taking the piss? Is this true?" Clara couldn't believe it.

"Here we go!" the Doctor announced. Someone was shouting her name from behind the bar. She got up to leave Clara alone in the corner listening to the music that was a bizarre combination of synthpop, bluegrass, and something distinctly alien emanating from a big, glowing conch shell, to retrieve the 'crog barnacle' she had promised. And it really was the size of a dinner plate, an entire, giant barnacle the likes of which Clara had never seen. The Doctor brought it back to the table and set it down in the middle on a strange sort of stand that was designed to stop it from rolling around. She had two forks, two steak knives, and a big pot of salt. "I told you, didn't I? It's always worth making the trip to Xetos for one of these. Last time I was here they didn't have places on the surface like this, though. I had to take it onto the TARDIS and work out how to cook it."

"Do they eat these in Xetia too?" She stuck a fork into the mushy, pale flesh of the barnacle. It looked a little like the inside of an oyster, only that it was a very unusual shade of blue.

"Staple food of the planet. C'mon, open up," she held her fork towards Clara, who took the risk and leant forwards over the barnacle to take a bite. "Well? What do you think?"

"Tastes like shellfish," she said, chewing.

"Is that the only insight you have?" Clara shrugged. "Well, I suppose that's what I get for marrying someone who's 'culinarily challenged.'"

"Is that a word?"

"If it's not, it is now."

"I like the giant barnacle, sweetheart," said Clara, "It's very tasty. You should save some and take it back for Jenny if you want an actual opinion, though."

"I'll get one for the road. She can come up with a way to cook it while I bake your birthday soufflé tonight."

"Oh, you don't have to… you've done a lot today already."

"But it's your birthday, Coo. And how else would I show my gratitude to you for…" She stopped to think about her next words, then stuck her fork in the barnacle and left it there as she took Clara's hand across the table, "Every time I think I can't fall any deeper in love with you, you prove me wrong."

"Y'know, there's another, very good way you could show your gratitude."

"Not in public."

"Suit yourself."

"I didn't ruin your day, did I?" She retrieved her fork.

"What? No, of course not. Why would you say that?"

"Because I've dragged you into another fine mess."

"…What happened today wasn't your fault. None of it. What else would we have done? Not gone to make sure those kids were okay? Nobody knew that she was going to pick today, of all days, to unleash her dinosaur on the world."

"Maybe she was rushing. Maybe I spooked her."

"The only person to blame for the Rani growing a mutant lizard monster is the Rani. And… and a lot more people would have died today if it wasn't for you."

"If it wasn't for you," she insisted as they slowly made their way through the giant barnacle. The music continued softly in the background. Clara dug chunks out of it with her right hand, the other too sore to use.

"I just did what you told me to do. And I'll be damned if I'm letting you drown again, I learnt my lesson the first time." The Doctor sighed and for a second paused to listen to the sounds of cutlery scraping against plates and shells. It was as cosy as it was stifling. "…Why did you turn out so different from them?"

"Who?"

"The Master and the Rani."

"Oh. I don't know. I'd say we're all very similar. All bad at being Time Lords, all too much for Gallifrey in our own ways… I've always had you pointing me in the right direction, though."

"I take absolutely no credit."

"Well, I've always had good people around me, y'know? First it was Susan, and then… and then everybody else. I think you're all good. You keep me on the right path - otherwise, I'd just get lost. And I don't really know who I am when I'm on my own."

"I don't think anyone does."

"You might be right…" She lost herself in thought for a while. Clara continued to eat the barnacle and watch her. "Do you think it's wrong of me to leave?"

"No. You have to trust them. And Xetia has been operating for far longer than Aegean-4. If they want to make things work alongside the humans, then I think they will. And we can always check in. Bring Mattie, let her at one of these barnacles."

"She's not as big into seafood as you."

"Well, she might still like going to an alien planet," said Clara.

"It depends on how strong a swimmer she is. And I don't think she'll find it very fun walking around wet slums all day, especially not if there isn't an ancient, alien adversary of mine we need to thwart and a couple of capitalist d-bags. Plus, isn't she behind on her English coursework?"

"That's what Tom tells me. You know I don't teach top-set in Year 11."

"But you're the head of the department."

"I don't want to be on at her about her coursework when we're at home," said Clara, "I'm sure she's doing fine. And you forget it's parents' evening in a few weeks."

"I did forget that… maybe we should move to Xetos permanently. Start a trade union, take on the whole of Aegean Industries." Clara gave her a look. She knew the Doctor wasn't being serious but didn't want to humour her. "I know, I know… today is an exception…"

"To be honest, I can't wait to get home, dry off, go to bed, and then start back at school. But I have enjoyed my birthday, and the adventure. Even if I did almost get eaten alive by a mutant crocodile."

"Glad the big seven-eight has been memorable for you if nothing else."

"I wouldn't necessarily call it memorable. What's really different to all those other times I've died or almost died?" The Doctor gave her a look. Trying to ignore her sprained wrist, Clara thought on something else for a few more moments while the Doctor gorged herself. "Do you feel bad about what happened to the Aegeans?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Just… I don't know. They're still someone's kids. Someone's family."

"Well, they made their choices, Clara. They could have chosen not to work people to death."

"But do you?" she implored.

"I always do. I always wish there was another way, that maybe they would have seen the error of their ways and just spontaneously decided to give up their wealth and live morally… but what are the chances of that? One in a trillion? How many Adam Mitchells are there in the world?"

"Those kinds of people aren't usually the ones who amass enormous fortunes."

"Then, you made my point for me. Adam is one in a trillion or more. A one-percenter who gave all of it away. Maybe if we send your Echoes out to seduce all the zillionaires in the universe, we can change the tides of inequality," she joked. Half-joked. The music crooned on.

"I think they're all a bit busy saving your life across time and space, but I'll bring it up at the next meeting," she said sarcastically.

"Honestly, I think the Aegeans brought on being eaten by a giant lizard themselves," said the Doctor, "Karmic retribution."

"Do you believe in karma?"

"It's complicated. The Time Lords would sometimes enforce karma through the Laws of Time. Punishing and rewarding you based on your past lives. But if karma existed in the way humans think it does, the Aegeans would never have got to this point."

"Do you think it hurt?"

"Getting eaten alive? I don't doubt it. I'm glad I don't remember what it was like to get eaten by sharks. Do you remember what happened with that worm?"

"No, thank god. Will you really keep an eye on things here?"

"Yes," she said firmly, "I'll check in. It's about time I took a leaf out of Jenny's book – she's always had a habit of sticking around to see things through… but…"

"But what?"

"Nothing. I was just thinking of something I'll bring up with Jenny later…" She paused for a while, "Do you mind staying on the TARDIS another night? Leaving in the morning?"

"So you can talk to Jenny?"

"I need to find something for her, it might take a while. No more trips, though – promise." Clara sensed that this idea of the Doctor's was important, and so – much as she would like to get back to the house to relieve Rose of babysitting duties (and to stop her from eating all their food), she relented.

"Sure. I'd hate for Jenny to go wanting for anything."

"Thanks… and I'll get her a barnacle."

"It's almost like it's her birthday," Clara jibed, but the Doctor was wrapped up in her thoughts. "I take it back. These barnacles are pretty tasty."

"We can make it a thing. We'll show our faces every few months to see how the Consortiums are faring and wrangle a couple of barnacles," the Doctor smiled.

"It's a date. Maybe next time it won't rain."

"I wouldn't count on it."

"Yeah. I'm sure we'll get wet no matter the weather."

"Clara!"

"I mean because of the sea," she lied, "Obviously. Why? What did you think I meant?" The Doctor kicked her under the table. She pouted. "Don't do that. It's my birthday, don't kick me on my birthday."

"Well, you deserved it. Hurry up and finish eating. I'm dying to get out of this suit and have a shower."

"I think I'll join you. As an additional birthday present."

"…Fine. But don't think it'll become a habit. I can't actually stand you."

"You certainly won't be able to stand while we're in the shower."

The Doctor stopped for a few seconds. "You know what – I think actually we'll take these leftovers to go," she got out of her chair, "Just to, um… to…"

"To shower?"

"I'm not rushing off just to sleep with you."

"But, clearly you are. You'll have to be careful of my wrist, though."

"I didn't think of that – are you sure you want to?" All of a sudden she was full of concern. Clara smiled.

"I'll be just fine. But, seriously – let's get out of here before we get roped into more alien politics."

"Right you are. I'll just get a barnacle for Jenny and meet you outside."

"Don't keep me waiting."

"When have I ever done that?" she grinned, "Go on. I'll be out in a minute…"

And from then it was just a race to get back to the TARDIS as quickly as possible, to celebrate Clara's birthday in a much more conventional manner.