As Olivia stepped into her car and pulled away from the McCanns', a mixture of emotions swirling within her. She had stayed for dinner, at Ginny's insistence. It had been a perfectly normal meal, with normal discussions, normal food (a salad as an entrée and then a full main course of meat and vegetables), normal dessert, and even normal coffee afterward.
When she was about to leave, the boys had been playing in the living room, and Noah had barely given her a wave goodbye. He seemed so happy in this normal environment, a sight that both warmed her heart and twisted it. He deserved this normalcy. But for Olivia Benson, well, normal was never in her cards. Nothing had ever been normal for her, right from her conception.
She got onto the road with mixed feelings, her mind torn between irritation over the McCanns' niceness, the weight of being a better parent to Noah, and the ache to see him again after a week in Woodstock.
Underneath it all, something about Ginny McCann itched Olivia's nerves. She embodied the image of the perfect, normal housewife, seamlessly handling dinner, cooking, cleaning, hosting, and caring for the kids with an ever-present smile. Olivia's thoughts drifted to another woman from her past, Kathy Stabler, who had been the ideal mom, adept at organizing the family's activities to perfection. Olivia, on the other hand, wasn't that. At all.
Her spiraling thoughts came to an abrupt halt when the 'Unknown Caller' ID flashed on her SUV's screen. She rolled her eyes at the impeccable timing of Elliot's call, gripping the steering wheel a bit tighter. Of course, he'd choose this exact moment to call, just when she had been comparing herself to his late wife. Her evening had rattled her enough, she didn't have the patience to hold back her frustrations tonight.
"I'm not a housewife." She answered the call abruptly, her eyes locked on the road.
"Okay…" Elliot replied unsure, taken aback by her start of the conversation.
"I don't cook dinner every night," she continued, her frustration bubbling over. "I barely manage to put together lunches for Noah, and I fall short of the school's minimum requirements for parental contribution."
Sensing her emotional turmoil, Elliot let her vent for a moment.
"I don't host yard sales or plan apple pies for dessert."
"Is someone asking you to?" He asked softly, piecing together where her mind was wandering.
She sighed, frustrated.
"No..."
"Good, because I'd say that person doesn't know Olivia Benson at all." He reassured her.
His words conveying how much he knew her.
"I can't do normal like the McCanns." She finally admitted, laying bare her fears.
"Ah, the normalitis strikes again, huh?" He tried to lighten the mood, without success.
She kept her eyes on the road, her mind miles away.
"My normal is hectic, Elliot…" She pushed.
"I know." He said calmly.
"My normal involves middle-of-the-night calls, arresting the worst of criminals, and working through holidays."
"I *know*, Liv."
"I barely get a whole weekend to spend with my son. I'm constantly running between the station and the grocery store, the school and home. I rush through preparing school lunches and try not to feel guilty when I can't make it to Noah's dance recitals." She rambled on.
"That's your normal, I get it," Elliot acknowledged. "Mine is somewhat similar, and hey, sometimes I'm even sent away for weeks with little notice." He tried to bring her back.
It worked, a bit.
"Elliot-"
"Olivia." His tone stopped her, finally.
"I don't smile all the time," she confessed, her voice softer now. "I have bad days more often than not, some worse than others."
"That's okay." He said, his acceptance seeping through the speakers of the car.
She sighed, out of arguments.
"Liv, I don't want us to be like the McCanns." He voiced her deepest fear.
His words both calmed her and made her heart beat faster at the possibility, her nerves still present at the idea.
"You have your normal," he continued, reassuring. "And I have mine. We'll find ours somewhere in between. And once I'm back, if you'll let me, maybe your normal won't be as hectic anymore. I can help with lunches and groceries, and you can have more time with Noah."
Images of that scenario flashed through Olivia's mind.
"El…"
"Don't overthink this," he urged. "I've got you, and we'll find our normal, I promise. The only thing that matters to me is coming home to you every night."
Elliot was getting better at saying things like that, talking about them in that way. And, little by little, Olivia was beginning to let herself believe it, if only a little.
She stopped at a redlight and closed her eyes, resting her head on the seat behind her, collecting her emotions.
"You good?" He asked after a moment.
"Yeah," she exhaled. "Sorry I unloaded on you…"
Elliot chuckled, lightening the mood.
"No worries. Normalitis episodes are bound to happen here and there." He teased.
She scoffed, rolling her eyes.
"I'm just glad I called when I did." He added.
"Me too." She exhaled.
They stayed silent for a beat.
"How much time left?" She asked, a recurring question during their calls.
"Just enough for me to tell you we're changing our destination in the next couple of days." He said, a hint of conflict in his voice.
"Oh… is that good news?"
"Yes," he replied. "But I might not be able to call for a while."
"Okay…"
"Say hi to Noah for me?"
"I will." She assured him, grateful for his efforts to be a part of her son's life, even from afar.
"Liv?"
She felt him pressed for time.
"Yeah?"
"Normal is not important in this. Happiness is the only thing that matters, alright?" He reassured her.
After a few seconds, Olivia gathered the courage to voice what had been at the root of her recent freakout.
"Will you be happy, if we're not normal?" She asked, tentatively.
She didn't say it explicitly, but she wasn't just thinking about the McCanns but the Stablers too.
This was the first time she had hinted at a "we" in their conversations, and it made Elliot's heart swell. Typically, he was the one to mention the idea, she never explicitly verbalized it like this. A warm smile played on his lips, even though she couldn't see it.
"Partner, we've never been normal, you and I." He paused, his voice filled with tenderness. "And I love that about us."
He slipped the words in before the call disconnected, leaving Olivia sitting alone in her car, feeling both excited and anxious by his words.