Authors Note – this chapter was uploaded at the same time as the next chapter so this is one you want to start with if the last time you read this was in 2023 but don't forget to click to the next chapter - It's a BIG update. So hopefully worth the wait.

Destiny Begins

by Milui Elenath

Chapter Twenty

Morgana fled to her chambers with the vial of magic in her possession. She'd hardly dared think or stop until she reached the safety of her room. She took a few steadying breaths as she leaned against her chamber door before she hesitantly glanced down at the bottle clutched in her hands. Hastily she walked to her dresser and placed the vial on its surface before taking a few shaky steps back and staring at it worriedly. Her heart was hammering and her thoughts were spinning. What did this mean? When Gaius had given her that remedy she had not felt anything in the bottle but when Merlin had given it back there it was. Magic!

Merlin couldn't have magic – could he?

Merlin with magic.

It wasn't possible. She thought of all the moments they'd spoken of her gifts, of her fears, of magic, of her magic. It couldn't be. He couldn't have it. He wouldn't keep such a secret when it would mean so much to share something like that! Such a burden, he'd said so himself. Said that he understood.

No! Morgana told herself firmly. They were mad thoughts. There were other possibilities. Gaius had been a magic user in the past and it was his potion. Maybe Gaius had used something that took a while to coalesce. Wasn't that the more likely reasoning? She started to breathe a little easier. Yes, that was it. It had to be. Gaius had given her magic.

That was still shocking. Gaius was taking – had been taking awfully big risks, magic dosing Uther's ward all these years, that was presuming this was not the first sleeping draught with magic in it.

She considered that briefly. It made sense that magic had to be fought with magic but Gaius potions had never done the job and she'd never noticed the magic in them before . . . but then she hadn't been as capable in the past. Morgana had a disturbing thought – what if Gaius was the magic presence that had woken her magic? The tightness in her chest relaxed as she instantly dismissed it. Gaius had always tried to steer her from her visions and from magic. He still did and yet . . .

She paced.

And yet he had always supplied her with potions. Had they made things worse? She stared at the vial, still on the dresser beyond her reach. She could feel its magic emanating toward her. Part of her was curious. What was it? Would it give a dreamless sleep? Or would it provoke her nightmares? Or did Gaius intend it to do something else? And if so what?

Her mouth went dry as she remembered that Merlin had tried to stop her from taking the potion. Did Merlin know about Gaius' little ruse? Was he trying to protect her from it? Did he know what it did? But why then would Merlin give back the vial?

She bit her lip. She had no answer. It didn't make sense.

Was there no one in Camelot she could trust?

She sat wearily on the bed, eyes still on the vial. It seemed all she had since returning to Camelot were questions and uncertainties. Rather strangely Merlin always seemed to end up somehow rousing more of them. Had she been a fool to think Merlin cared about her at all? Was it protection or conspiracy that motivated him? How was she to confront him about this vial? Of course, she did have to confront him about it, there was no question of that and she would watch him carefully to see how he answered and whether he was misleading her.

Her hand nervously went to her heart. And then what? What would she do if he proved he was not to be trusted? Flee Camelot? Go quaking back to Morgause merely because she was alone here? Morgana was horrified to find that such thoughts didn't provoke some sort of defiant courage as such challenges usually did. She found fatigue and emptiness at the thought of such betrayal. She'd reach her limit of loneliness. She guessed she felt it more keenly having foolishly imagined that things could change. But she couldn't think that way, not yet, not when there were so many things uncertain.

One thing was for sure though, drinking the draught was out of the question! Nor could it continue sitting out in the open, taunting her, or waiting for discovery by Gwen or Gaius or even Merlin. She strode across the room, took a moment to think before putting the potion safely away in the lower drawer with the mementos of her childhood and parents. Gwen knew of and respected the drawer and would not have cause to open and discover the potion hidden with such personal items. Morgana closed the drawer firmly. There, she breathed. Now there was nothing to let on to Gaius or Merlin that she had not taken it. All was well. She had avoided the draught. She looked at her bed reluctantly. Except of course that it meant she would have to face sleep without help and she must sleep, she must dream. At least there she might find some answers!

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Morgana shifted in her bed aware that the watches of the night were passing by. She whispered Morgause's preparation spells to help her remember, to help her control. Her eyes closed, sprang open again, forcefully closed and thoughts of vials spun in her head. She tried to forget, it was not important. Not as important as her seer power, Gwen and Morgause were counting on her and Gaius' intentions . . . and Merlin's didn't matter for now.

Gaius. He looked at her calculatingly. "I can see deep into your heart, and it's cold. Cold as stone."

Morgana turned from him confused, angry, distraught. Merlin was watching her. He folded his arms distancing himself further than before. He believed it too. She opened her mouth to deny it, how could they say such a thing? But it was true! As she stared into Merlin's face she knew that he saw through her, there were things she'd done, she remembered them now, things he'd done too, how could she have forgotten? Her heart was cold but Gaius was wrong, it wasn't a stone. It was ice, it was frigid in its depths, burning, consuming, withering what little warmth remained as it beat in her chest. A cold fire strangely fuelled by Merlin's presence. The mere sight of him pierced her, like frozen skin warmed too suddenly by fire.

Fire! Fire was all around it flicked at her and then the flames leapt at Morgause. Morgana tried to warn her, to call out but no sound escaped her throat.

Morgause turned, unconcerned, unaffected by flame or Morgana's distress. "I will find it Morgana. It will burn until Camelot is reborn. Prepare. They're coming."

Morgana found her voice. "Who is coming?"

"The others. You'll know. You've always known."

"I don't!" She protested.

Morgause's eyes glowed with power – no not Morgause – a woman, terrifying and treacherous. Her eyes were red. Her skin was an unnatural hue. "Vows will be upheld, Morgana la Faye."

Morgana's eyes startled open as she swallowed a scream, she was in bed, in her chambers but she was not alone!

Morgana la Faye bolted upright at the thought, somehow not disturbing the ancient warlock sleeping beside her. Of course she wasn't alone, she chided herself. Merlin was with her, sleeping in his bedroll in their hidden grotto, having been with her since they travelled back in time. An involuntary moan escaped her as the realisations hit.

"What is it?" Merlin said sleepily.

Morgana la Faye wanted to force a smile but the vision, the final vision would not shake, "just a dream, sorry." She mumbled.

"A dream or a dream?" Merlin queried raising himself up on an elbow suddenly alert. His blue eyes searching but kind.

Morgana contemplated an answer. She hadn't lied to him since Aithusa's death, she didn't want to start now but she didn't know if he could bear much more – nor could she. A half truth then. "I'm not sure. Both I think."

She watched as he sat up far more alarmed than she'd hoped. "But you haven't had a dream at all since we came back."

Morgana was silent.

"Have you?"

She didn't answer him. "Merlin," she began instead, "do you feel it?"

"Feel what?"

"Them. You. The other you."

"What do you mean?"

She could see he was increasingly disturbed by her words. She was frightened herself for him. She never wanted him to face this alone. He'd struggled since they'd returned to this time, with the isolation, with the inaction and far more than she had. Morgana turned more fully towards him hoping to see some sign that it was happening to him too. "I feel her." Morgana watched him to see if he understood. He didn't. Her heart plummeted. "In fact, it's more than that. I am her."

"Well yes, in a way you are," he said confusedly.

Morgana felt tears welling in her eyes. He really hadn't felt it too. She realised she had to prepare him. She couldn't let this happen without some forewarning but how? How to tell him? How to soften the blow? On instinct she took his face in her hands and brought hers closer, brushing her lips across his, lingering but for a moment hoping to impart some warmth and to take some for herself. Her eyes closed before she pulled back and opened them again.

He was looking at her with his brows slightly raised. Not shocked, not repulsed. "What was that for?" he asked.

There was a hint of concern in his tone, perhaps a little wonderment which was to be expected given that they'd never kissed before. "I'm fading," Morgana felt a tear spill from her eyes, "becoming her."

Merlin surprised her both by remaining very calm and reaching his hand out and brushing the tear from her cheek. "It frightens you?" He queried softly. "We knew it would happen."

Morgana shook her head. "I'm not frightened, I just . . ." she trailed hoping he would understand but his forehead simply furrowed. She sighed, "was hoping you wouldn't have to go through this alone." She made to stand up, aware of the heat rising to her cheeks. To think she had lived hundreds of years only to blush at a mere confession that she cared about someone else's wellbeing.

Merlin spoke quietly behind her. "I guess, I always knew I would but I'm not worried."

She turned in disbelief, "how can you not be?"

He made a small smile. "Because I know that no matter what happens it was the right thing to do and if you are fading it has to mean I will fade too, eventually."

"Are you sure you haven't felt it?" She urged.

He shook his head. "Not yet."

"The time will come," Morgana said certainly, it was her seer power speaking. It could almost have been her imagination but Merlin seemed to take a slightly deeper breath and his eyes seemed to relax. She had forgotten how good he was at hiding his fears, how much he'd always taken on himself. "But we didn't want this," she complained. "I remember the past, I mean she does – or is starting to. She remembers my past as well as her own."

Merlin finally looked as concerned as she felt. "You mean she has your memories?"

Morgana nodded. "When I join with her it's like they're dreams, distant . . . like someone else's memories I guess." Morgana felt ill, all those memories, all those things she did, all the evil, all the things she'd suffered . . . the madness. "It's not fair! All of what we did to get here. I didn't want her to have that burden." She clenched her arms across herself.

Merlin had come around the bed to stand near her. He casually picked up a blanket and draped it over her and his hands ran calmingly down her arms.

He took a deep breath and met Morgana's eyes. "I don't think they can complain. They're getting a second chance, a chance no one else ever gets. A few unpleasant memories is a small price and perhaps it will help to steer them toward the correct path . . . or at least away from the wrong one."

Morgana bit her lip. That could be true, if either of their other selves learned quickly enough.

"Besides," Merlin said, "what we set out to do was bigger than ourselves. I didn't do this to avoid my guilt."

Morgana fell silent. She hadn't either, she really hadn't but she had hoped.

Merlin had a determined look. "I take comfort from knowing that this is a sign we/them are succeeding."

"Yes," Morgana said, "for now." There was a hint of the seer power again in her tone, "but," she shrugged off the blanket remembering that final part of the dream she had just shared. She took Merlin's hands. "There's something else Merlin though, something terrible I never told you about. Something I never thought would matter now but it does Merlin. It does!"

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GO ON TO THE SECOND CHAPTER OF THIS UPDATE!