Sorry this one updates so slow. It's got the least amount of traffic so it kinda gets neglected a little- even if I love it-
"Thanks for coming with us. I know that this…." She let out a sigh. "I know you don't want to do this."
"I don't," he admitted, "but if you feel strongly about it then I can back you up. Plus, I," he hesitated. His fingers nervously drummed the steering wheel.
"You what?"
He sighed again. "I just feel better going along for Noah." He hurried out the rest of the explanation. "It's not that I don't trust you to keep him safe, I just…." His eyes flicked to hers and begged her not to take it the wrong way.
To her surprise, she understood. He hated this, and the only way he felt even a little okay about it is if he came along. His concern warmed her heart. The man could be overbearing, overprotective, and infuriating, but he had the best heart. He wanted Noah safe. He wanted her safe, and he would do anything in his power to make sure of that.
"I get it," she said softly. She reached across the console and tangled his fingers with hers. "You want him to be safe."
"Yeah," his free hand tightened on the steering wheel. "I understand why you want this for him." He kept his eyes focused out the front windshield. "But not all parents are worth knowing." His point echoed from their previous conversation.
She squeezed his hand. She knew where he was coming from, and she respected that. He wanted his kids to have more than what he had, and the situation made him uncomfortable. "I know, but," she tugged on his hand and he flicked his eyes towards her. "Give her a chance El. She's just a kid, and a victim." Elliot stopped at the stoplight and she brushed her thumb over his rough knuckles. "Do you trust me?" She dropped her chin and focused on their joined hands.
He lifted her chin with his finger, and his blue eyes burned with intensity. "With my life."
She nodded. "I won't let him get hurt. I…I might not know how to do this, any of this, but I feel like I need to give him this chance." She couldn't explain it. It almost felt instinctual. Maybe it was that mothers intuition everyone always talked about. Whatever it was, she knew they needed to build bridges with Ellie, not burn them.
His eyes remained focused on the road as he impulsively lifted her hand to his lips. "Okay." He squeezed her hand in support. "Whatever you think is best, Benson." His gaze drifted to her face. "I'll always back your play." He grinned. "Partner."
She returned his smile with one of her own. "Thank you."
-000-
Noah babbled and smiled as they approached the Galway house doors. His fingers kept tangling in her long hair, and she swore she would be bald before the kid turned two.
Elliot opened the door for her and she stepped inside. Noah quieted. He suddenly seemed aware of their unfamiliar setting. She disentangled his fingers from her, and he almost immediately used his now free hands to reach for Elliot.
Elliot plucked Noah from her arms, and he immediately tucked his head against Elliot's broad shoulder. Olivia's heart clenched. Noah had fully entered the developmentally typical "stranger danger" stage, and Elliot was quickly becoming his favorite security blanket.
"Hey buddy, it's okay. This is just gonna be a quick visit." It seemed like Elliot was reassuring himself more than anything. He rubbed Noah's back before peeling him off of his shoulder. His bottom lip jutted out and quivered, but Olivia had spotted Ellie sitting nervously on a couch in the next room.
"Come on little guy," Olivia took him from Elliot's arms. Noah made a small noise of displeasure, and frantically looked back to Elliot. Olivia signed and stepped forward, entering the room where Ellie sat.
-000-
Elliot hung back and let Olivia take the lead, much like he did during the prison visit. Discomfort radiated off of him, but she appreciated his support, however hesitant. Olivia felt his eyes on her back as she approached Ellie, and tried not to feel unnerved.
Ellie looked like hell, but her eyes were clear. Detox was a bitch, but she looked as if she was over the worst. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other and nervously tucked her hair behind her ear as Olivia approached.
Noah bounced impatiently in her arms. He wanted to be let down to explore, but Olivia wasn't interested in let him crawl over the halfway house's floor. She handed him a toy to keep his hands busy, but he promptly threw it to the floor. The toy rolled towards Ellie's feet, and she smiled before picking it back up and handing it directly to Noah. Olivia tried to hide her cringe as Noah immediately shoved the toy into his mouth. "Can you hold him for a minute?" Ellie's smile broadened as Olivia passed Noah over.
Noah whined a bit, but Ellie bounced a little, and he settled into a sort of quiet discomfort. Olivia flipped open the bag on her shoulder and dug around for a second until she found her peck of sanitizing wipes. "Hey Noh," she carefully pulled the toy from his pudgy fingers and wiped it quickly. "That's better," she smiled at Noah as she handed back the toy.
Ellie's face dropped a little. "Sorry. I didn't even think…"
Olivia placed a hand on Ellie's shoulder. "It's okay. A little dirt probably won't hurt him, but I like to sanitize just in case." She kept her voice gentle, and hoped her correction didn't bother Ellie. "Let's sit," Olivia motioned towards the nearby couch.
Ellie followed her, and sat, still keeping Noah tightly in her arms. "I guess I don't know a lot about babies," Ellie mumbled sadly.
"You'll learn," Olivia tried to encourage her. Noah swung his toy around, nearly clipping Ellie in the face. "Once you're clean we can get you signed up for some parenting classes. There are lots of resources for young moms." Olivia's stomach clenched, and a wave of nausea assaulted her, but it abated quickly. She felt so torn, so conflicted over the entire situation.
"Yeah?" Ellie's voice lightened with hope.
"Yeah." Olivia said warmly, even though she was dying inside. There was a brief moment of silence before Olivia asked, "do you have any brothers or sisters or anything?" Probably not, since she didn't have much experience with babies, but it was possible she was the youngest or something.
Ellie's eyes dropped and she shook her head. "No. I don't have any family…just Noah."
Olivia nodded. She understood how it felt to be completely alone in the world. Thinking it was time to change the subject, Olivia brightened her voice. "Noah. Should we show Ellie the game you learned?"
Ellie's eyes brightened with intrigue, and once Olivia had Noah's attention she covered her eyes. Noah giggled as he anticipated what would come next. "Boo!" Olivia was met with a fit of giggles. "Your turn."
Noah gave her a toothy grin and covered his eyes and mimicked her movements. He squealed when Olivia acted surprised. Ellie watched serenely and dropped a kiss on Noah's curls. "Such a smart boy."
-000-
Elliot continued to hang back, but watched as Olivia and Noah interacted with Ellie. As he watched, he was suddenly reminded of how young Ellie truly was. She appeared to be watching Olivia's every move, and Elliot realized the girl probably hadn't had a sting female role model in her life. He wondered briefly about her family and her parents. Did they know where their daughter was? Ellie was the same age as Lizzie. Elliot couldn't imagine Lizzie being lost to him. Even more, he couldn't imagine his daughter as a mother. She was just too damn young.
He watched Ellie bounce Noah, and there was something about the look on her face that brought him back to when a doctor placed a little bundle of pink into his seventeen year old arms. It was a combination of fear, love and overwhelm, and his heart tightened with empathy. How could he have forgotten that he had been there? Young, reckless, stupid… and suddenly in charge of someone else's life. He buried himself in his career as a way to cope, but he hadn't been raped. Ellie was doing the best she could to cope with the hand she had been dealt.
His heart grew for the young woman sitting on the couch who was barely more than a child. Ellie didn't have to keep Noah. She had options. She could have aborted, but it was obvious that she loved him. He was very wanted. That was clear. Then it dawned on him. He suddenly understood why Olivia insisted on Noah having access to Ellie. Like her, Noah was a child conceived in violence, but unlike her he was cherished. THis mother loved him in spite of the circumstances surrounding his conception. Olivia never had that.
His heart bled a little for the woman he loved. They would do this her way. She understood the situation in a way he never could. She knew what she was doing, and he would always have her back.
-000-
They both remained silent for most of the drive to the apartment. Elliot's eyes kept flicking over to Olivia who's gaze seemed permanently fixed out the window.
At the next stop light he reached out and softly ran his fingers up and down her upper arm. "You okay?"
Her focus remain out the window and it took a moment for her to answer. "Yeah," she seemed to be actively avoiding eye contact which left him feeling uneasy.
The light turned green, and he left it alone until he had parked at their building. Even in the dimly lit parking structure, she kept her eyes focused out the window. He sighed and reached for her hand. "What's going on over there?" His voice stayed soft.
She bit her lip and Elliot finally noticed the tears welling in her eyes. "Oh baby," a rarely used term of endearment escaped his lips. He pushed the console up and pulled her across the bench seat, tucking her firmly against him.
The tears coursed freely down her cheeks, and he held her while she cried. He helplessly rubbed her back, and waited for the storm to pass. After what felt like an agonizing eternity Olivia's cries melted away into shaky hiccups. Once her breathing evened out her eyes opened. She still avoided his gaze. It was like she couldn't stand watching his reaction to what she was about to say.
"I think…" she started, but her voice tightened again. She let a long slow breath escape her lips before trying again. "I..I think we need to help her."
He closed his eyes and his stomach clenched. He knew what she meant. She meant they needed to help her get her life on track, and in the end it probably meant letting Noah go.
-000-
A shrill ring broke through the air. Elliot gripped around for his phone, finally finding it plugged in on the night stand. He yanked it off the charger and slid his finger over the Lock Screen only to find his phone silent.
He dropped back against the pillows and gently nudged Olivia. "Liv, it's yours."
Her brow furrowed and she groaned out her displeasure. She reached around blindly until her fingers curled around the device. She slid open her screen and answered, "Benson."
Elliot rolled onto his side, fully prepared to go back to sleep, but the tone of Olivia's voice changed and the hair on his neck tood on end.
"What do you mean she's gone?" Olivia flipped the comforter off her body and immediately began rummaging through her drawers for some clothing.
Elliot's gut clenched, and he followed her out of bed. He felt helpless as he wandered around behind her, waiting for her to finish her call. After what felt like an eternity, she hit the end bottom. She stared at the now darkened screen before lifting her eyes to Elliot's. "Ellie's missing."