So this chapter is completely different from the rest. It rehashes the story a bit but from Matt's perspective. As promised, it's nearly twice as long as the last chapter.
Matt stood in the doorway to his bedroom, dressed in his Daredevil suit with his mask off, staring at the sleeping form of his girlfriend. He didn't know how it had happened. One minute he was feeling the most angry and alone in the world he had ever felt, the next, she came walking into his life, bringing with her a glimmer of light. He hadn't known what it was in that moment but now he knew, it was hope, life. When she had seen him at Fogwell's, he knew that apart of her was uncomfortable with him, especially when he'd gotten angry at her words, but she had just pushed passed him and went about her day. He could have tried harder, it wouldn't have been too hard to intimidate her, but he couldn't find it in him. He didn't want her to be afraid of him. When she had pushed passed him in the doorway, he'd gotten a good whiff of her, she smelled like lavender and chamomile, mixed with her own natural scent, it was an intoxicating combination. He remembered that he'd met her six months previously, she hadn't been shocked then either by what he was capable of. She'd even made him laugh, feel good about himself.
Fogwell's, he never thought he'd meet the love of his life there and yet, it seemed fitting. He'd spent most of his childhood there, and whenever he felt lost or angry, he'd come here to tire himself out and absorb as much nostalgia as he could. This is where he'd been happiest, watching his dad train, live his life and this is where his dad had been happiest. That's why he'd been at Fogwell's, he was lost, confused, angry. He needed to understand, he needed to clear his head. Instead, he met Halina, not for the first time but in the haze of his anger and confusion, she'd brought brightness to his life.
He had foolishly shaken the feelings she had stirred inside of him, in her apartment. While she'd slept, he'd watched her for a moment from the other room, listening to her breathing, inhaled that heady intoxicating smell. She was oblivious to how violent the world could be, or so he had thought. So, he'd crushed the emotions stirring inside of him, he would not involve her. He wouldn't see her again, anyways. After tonight, he'd be in jail, dead or worse, living with what he was about to do. Murder Wilson Fisk. It had to be done, there was no other way. He had to protect the ones he loved, he had to protect the city from him.
And so, he'd wrapped himself in the anger and the hate he'd felt. He had been there, waiting for Fisk to return home, ready and posed to do what he needed to. But God had other plans for him. He had alerted Matt to the imminent danger that Karen was in and forced him to choose between his own, righteous anger, and the life of a woman he had once loved. He'd chosen Karen and while he had succeeded in saving her, he had failed to save a man who was like a father to him. A man who had helped him through a great deal of personal strife. A man he had yelled and lashed out at in his anger and confusion, and that angry confrontation would be the last time he'd ever speak to Father Lantom. Yet, despite Matt's anger with the father, Father Lantom's final words were to beg for forgiveness for what he'd withheld from Matt and for forgiveness for his mother, who had left him a lone, for so long.
So much pain, so much loss in such a short amount of time. First Elektra, then Stick, Elektra again and then Father Lantom. He was a broken man, but Father Lantom's last plea had caused Matt to pause which gave Foggy and Karen enough time to talk Matt down from that ledge, to take a different path other then murder. And then, there she was again. He had smiled a little as he and Karen walked up the steps to Fogwell's Gym, watching her beat the crap out of that punching bag. She was good, she had obviously learned from her father, she didn't move like some casual weekend boxer, she moved like a professional. He had to admit, it was a massive turn on, even in the mental state he was in. And then she'd tried to take his head off, when he'd startled her, also a turn on, but he had also noticed something a little concerning: fear. At the time, he'd cropped it up to being startled but it was more then that.
Karen had a right to be jealous, Halina had a hold on him before he'd even realized it. When she'd kissed him on the cheek, out on the street, he'd felt like a flustered fifteen year old. It had taken him a moment to reform his thoughts, to focus on returning to Missus Mahoney's home to retrieve Agent Nadeem. He had succeeded though, that was one thing that Stick had taught him well, shove your emotions down so they don't get in the way, but that hadn't been good enough for Stick. Stick didn't want him to feel anything at all.
He had done what Foggy had asked, to deal with Fisk 'the right way'. But Fisk had still managed to worm his way out of the situation, intimidated the grand jury, which resulted in Agent Nadeem's testimony being sealed. He had intended to continue to 'do the right thing' but Nadeem had other plans, so Matt went back to his original plan.
Once again, Matt found himself on the precipice of no return but if he was going to do it, step off the ledge, he would do it right, make it count. He had found dirt on Fisk and dirt on his soon to be blushing bride, Vanessa. And he had used it to create a path of chaos and destruction that led him straight to Fisk. It was a bad plan, a bad plan that had worked a little too well. Poindexter had forced his way into the hotel like a rampaging rhinoceros, leaving a path of bodies in his wake. If it had been just the three of them, Matt, Poindexter and Fisk, maybe things would have turned out differently, but Vanessa was also present, and Poindexter was almost as fixated on her as he was on Fisk. Matt wouldn't let her get hurt because of him and so he protected her and ultimately, she had pulled him from his haze of rage, preventing him from killing Fisk.
It would have been better for his life, long term, if he had killed Fisk. Fisk knew the real identity of Daredevil and so long as he lived, that meant that anyone Matt loved, was in danger. But, so long as Vanessa was alive and out of jail, he would do nothing to hurt Matt, Foggy or Karen and that had to be enough for now. He didn't necessarily regret letting Fisk live, what it would have done to his soul, may well have been irreparable. He just resented the ever present danger that Fisk continued to hold over his head.
He tried to move on. He buried Father Lantom, forgave his mother and was working on stepping back into the life of the lawyer Matt Murdock. There was one thing the past year had taught him and that was that he could neither be just Daredevil nor just Matt Murdock. Trying to be one or the other just left holes in him, it left him feeling like he was only living half a life. So, he needed to find a way to balance both, live as both men. But Maggie had convinced him to take a few weeks, let his body and spirit heal, get used to being Matt Murdock again. But that had been harder than he had predicted.
In the week that followed Father Lantom's funeral, Matt had moved back into his apartment and started making plans to restart a firm with Foggy and Karen. At night, though, he was restless. He kept replaying Father Lantom's death and his final moments with Elektra in his head, over and over again. He had started to wonder if Jessica Jones had it right, maybe drinking away your problems was the solution. The first night, he had decided to numb the pain with alcohol but the next morning, he found himself loathing himself more then ever, so the following nights, he began to roam the streets. Not going anywhere specific, he just needed to move.
Then Foggy had mentioned Halina, asked him how he had met her. He told him about his time working with her and how Marci and Halina had become best friends. So, that night, as he began to wander, he had started for her apartment, curious about what she was doing. He felt like a bit of a creep for wanting to go to her apartment and just listen to her heart and to her breathe. But he hadn't even made it to her apartment when he had heard her in Fogwell's, beating on a punching bag once more. Matt had listened for a while, watched. He had felt like a complete asshole. So, he went in to talk to her. The best decision of his life.
They talked about deep things, things you don't normally talk about with an almost complete stranger, but she made him feel at ease, relaxed. He also had come to realization that she was not unfamiliar with violence and that it was continuing to follow her. He could hear the fear in her voice, by her heart rate and by the adrenaline spike she experienced as she talked to him about her ex. He had only wished to make her feel safe, even if only for a little while, let her find some enjoyment in pleasant conversation before she went home. But she was too beautiful and too intoxicating and then he had kissed her, and she kissed him back with equal passion. He told himself that no matter what, even if she invited him in, he'd be a gentleman and go home, maybe drink himself to sleep again.
He learned very quickly that he couldn't deny her of the things she wanted, and in that moment, she wanted him between her legs. So, he complied, again and again and again. He hadn't experienced something so intense, so all consuming since his time dating Elektra. Back then, Elektra was all he could think of, day and night, that's all he cared about. He did what ever she wanted, in bed and on the streets. He broke laws for her, aided and abetted in theft, vandalism, breaking and entering, and destruction of property. She'd nearly convinced him to murder a man, she would have been the push he needed to murder Fisk.
The feelings he had for Halina were just as consuming, it left him at her mercy but there was one big difference between Elektra and Halina. Elektra was forever trying to change him, make him into a warrior to fight a war he didn't believe in. She wanted him to be something else, something he wasn't, and he wanted the same to her. Halina just wanted him to be himself, to be who he was and let him discover what that meant to him. Within days, he was ready to say 'I love you' but too terrified of scaring her away with his intensity. Because, he was an intense person, he knew it. It served him well as a lawyer and as Daredevil, but it tends to hurt him when it came to personal relationships.
After a week, he had thoughts of dumping her, to protect her. He loved her, a lot, but between Fisk and all the other enemies he had made, and would likely continue to make, he couldn't live with himself if she ended up paying the ultimate price. He would never recover from that. But then, once again, God had other plans for him. Her ex started stalking her, or maybe he had been for the entire time, and she hadn't been aware of it. But the fear it had brought out of her was intense, and he knew that she had only told him a very little about what had actually happened to her at that man's hand. For a such a strong woman to be so terrified of one man, it spoke volumes. He couldn't leave her now, she needed him.
Matt had ceased having sleeping problems the night he'd slept with Halina and every night after. Even when she wasn't in bed beside him, he slept through the night. The anger and confusion that he'd been feeling and trying desperately to work through, was suddenly less, not entirely gone but no longer consuming him. Halina was affecting every part of his life. He found he could go to work and focus on his tasks, although Foggy said he'd been smiling like a fool for weeks. He obviously knew there was a woman in his life, and it obviously wasn't Karen because they tend to argue a lot still and she did not have his apparent glow. After the first week, Foggy had tried to drag it out of him, when Karen wasn't around, but all he managed to get was a confirmation that there was definitely a woman and he was definitely getting laid, a lot.
"I can't believe it takes my best friend getting laid to get him back." Foggy grumbled, though he smiled still. "Wait…no, I shouldn't be. You always were chipper when you got laid, which just goes to show that it's probably been a while."
Matt had just chuckled and shook his head. It was the next day when Foggy had walked into what passed as Matt's office, at the back of Theo's butcher shop, as he'd begun unpacking his law books and setting up his office, looking unhappy.
"Seriously. Halina Jackson?" He said with a sigh and shaking his head before he took a sip from coffee. "Marci's livid, you know. What is it with you and Marci's friends?"
"What about Matt and Marci's friends?" Karen asked as she brought in a file and dropped it on Matt's desk.
"Matt likes to screw them." Foggy grumbled.
"Foggy!" Matt said in irritation.
"What? It's true. This is what? The sixth one?"
"Wow." Karen said raising an eyebrow. "I know Foggy said you had a reputation in college…"
"This isn't that." Matt said cutting Karen off. "And technically I met Halina before she ever met you or Marci."
"For like a minute."
"This is different." Matt growled. "It's not me falling off the Catholic bandwagon again. We happen to have a lot in common." Matt slid another heavy book angrily into place. "And I thought you were happy that I was 'getting out there again?'"
"I was." Foggy said earnestly. "I am, but why Halina Jackson?"
"I don't know Foggy, why did you go back to Marci after what she did to you?" Matt said glaring in Foggy's general direction as he grabbed another book.
"Okay, we're talking about you, not me." Foggy said, slightly defensive. "Besides, that was the past and you can't help who you love."
"Exactly." Matt said. "Its not like I went for a stroll one day and went 'hey, I should start dating again. Who's Marci's new best friend?'"
"Wait, is this woman you're talking about, the one who tried knock you out at Fogwell's?" Karen asked, trying to follow their argument.
"Yeah." Matt said in irritation.
"Well, she's definitely beautiful." Karen said somewhat sourly as she left the office again.
Foggy glanced behind him to watch where Karen went then stepped over to Matt and lowered his voice. "Do you even know about what she's going through right now?"
Matt looked at Foggy angrily. "Hell of a lot better than you. I'm not taking advantage of her." He growled.
"I know, I know. Sorry its just…Marci is really concerned about her. She was there when she met that crazy ex of hers at Hollar. Marci said it was like she'd seen a ghost, all white and just staring into space with this petrified look on her face."
"I know, Foggy." Matt sighing tiredly. "She came straight to my apartment after that encounter. She…" Matt shook his head angrily at the recollection. "You don't need to hear that. Foggy, I actually appreciate that you're trying to look out for me and maybe even Halina, but what we have it's like when I first started dating Elektra but better. She makes me better and she even knows a little about my abilities and it doesn't freak her out."
"What do you mean, she knows?" Foggy asked surprised.
"Just a little bit. Like I have an extra sense that allows me to pretty much see, that's it really."
"So, she doesn't know about Daredevil?"
"Not yet. I haven't been going out so there's nothing for her to notice right now."
It wasn't long after his talk with Foggy that Matt began to wonder if Halina was hiding something from him. It started with him coming home one Sunday, after dealing with a new client, that she suddenly began behaving strangely. She'd left a message on his phone claiming she needed to do some work at the office, but her voice didn't sound right. Then, when she came back to the apartment, she told him that her landlord had contacted her, and she needed a place to stay for a couple of weeks while her apartment was being remediated. He knew she was lying about something when she spoke to him. So, he went out and confirmed that, at least, the bit about the apartment was part of the lie. There was no work happening there nor did she return to it over the next couple of weeks.
He had a suspicion and he felt bad for having to confirm it. When Halina had gone to take a shower, he had managed to unlock her phone and had it read her received calls back to him. He wrote the unknown IDs down then searched the phone numbers attached to them. Anger swelled in his chest when he realized that one of the unknown IDs, was listed under her ex's name. It hadn't been a long conversation but long enough that there had been at least a short conversation. She wasn't staying with him because her apartment needed mold removal but because she was scared.
He had tried to not take offense in her not telling him. He thought it likely that she was tired of worrying him all the time and was just looking for modicum of normal with him. He decided to focus, instead, on making her feel safe, happy, and make her even more capable of protecting herself. He had found it easy to forget that she'd lied to him, and he quickly grew accustomed to her presence. Even when he was making an ass of himself, which he seemed to be doing at an embarrassing degree, she never seemed to judge him, just soothed him when he got flustered, and he quickly forgot about wanting to leave her. He was addicted to her now, and she'd become a habit he couldn't give up.
When he had told her about Daredevil, he had been petrified. He'd never been so afraid of being rejected by someone in his entire life. But when she told him that she didn't care if he was Daredevil, she had spoken the truth, she really loved him. He had never felt so alive, so himself in his entire life. Yet, he didn't feel like he deserved her, deserved her unwavering acceptance of his differentness. Another week passed and he found himself doing something he hadn't done in a very long time, getting utterly wasted. Yes, he had drank himself to sleep a few times in between, putting Fisk away and the start of his relationship, but he hadn't even been a little hung over in the morning. He just hated himself for his weakness. This was different. This was him completely letting loose and having fun with his girlfriend, seeing a different side of her, and letting her see a different side of him.
As they stumbled their way home, Matt had enough presence of mind to try and focus his mind, push back the hazy as far as he could. He knew that Caleb could possibly be following them, and their drunken state would be an ideal moment to take advantage of. Matt might have a hard time stepping off the curb without landing on his ass, but if he needed too, he could focus his mind enough to give that ass hole the pounding he deserved. Matt had just tripped over the curb and was laughing his ass off with Halina at his side, who was laughing just as hard, when he suddenly caught wind of a familiar scent. He swayed on his feet a little as he focused, listened, then grunted in irritation when he realized who it was. Halina noticed him frowning and made an adorably pouty sound, making him lose focus once more as he smiled down at her then proceeded to make out with her, forgetting Jessica Jones entirely.
The next morning, or more likely the late afternoon, had been an unpleasant experience and he had tried to muffle the screeching sound of cars and screaming kids by putting his pillow on top of his head. It didn't help. Despite his self-inflicted misery, he didn't regret getting utterly wasted nor the ensuing hangover. He had seen the love of his life completely relaxed and having fun. She'd even knocked out a guy twice her size, that was a complete turn on for him, he liked strong women, and she could be wild, when you gave her enough alcohol. It might even be worth doing again if he got to see that side of her again. As he began to sober up, he remembered detecting Jessica outside his apartment and the more he thought about what he'd heard, the more it made him realize that she was there taking pictures. Of him? Of Halina? Why? Matt's thoughts suddenly darkened. Or was it Caleb?
Matt focused on Halina splayed across his torso, naked and asleep, completely relaxed, and happy. The way she should be. Matt slowly slid out from under her, giving her his pillow to hug in place of him, and pulled the blanket up so she wouldn't catch a chill. He dressed himself as the Devil of Hell's Kitchen, in all black with his black bandana tied around his face. Twenty minutes later, he was squatting in the open window of Jessica Jones apartment, waiting for her to notice him. He had never been to her apartment before, but he knew where it was, figured it was something he should know since they were kind of friends. A bottle was suddenly thrown at his head with considerable force, but he casually moved his head to the side and heard it crash against the windowsill behind him.
"It's me." He said, realizing that she may not recognize him dressed as he was.
"Jesus!" Jessica said hand to her chest. "You can't just lurk in someone's window."
"I figure waiting for you to notice me was safer than getting too close to you." Matt said as he stepped down, then leaned against the window frame.
"There's this thing called a door!" She said pointing towards it emphatically. "And where the hell have you been? I thought you were dead!"
Matt shrugged. "Healing." Was all he said.
"Is that all I get for an answer?" She asked angrily as she grabbed another bottle from a bookcase and poured herself a drink.
"Yup." Matt replied. "Why do you care anyways? Its not like we are BFF's or anything. We worked together for what? 48 hours."
"Yeah, and then you had a building collapse on you!" She said angrily before taking a couple of gulps from her glass. "You don't think I don't deserve a 'hey, I'm not dead, Jessica'?"
"Hey, I'm not dead." Matt repeated.
"Ha ha, very funny asshole." She took another gulp as she returned to her computer. "What do you want?"
"To talk about Halina Jackson." Matt said straightening up and walking over to her desk.
"You mean, your girlfriend." She said dryly as she glared at him. "I don't discuss my clients, not even with their vigilante boyfriends."
"So, she did hire you. Why?" Matt crossed his arms as he listened intently to her heartbeat.
"Weren't you listening? I don't discuss my client's details. Ask her if you want to know."
"I saw you last night. You were photographing us." Matt said, trying to bait her into a response.
"How the hell did you even notice me? You were drunk out of your mind and barely capable of standing up. Bravo, by the way, I didn't think you would have it in you to have a little fun." She smiled at him slightly.
"Does everyone think I'm up tight asshole?" Matt growled a little annoyed.
"Yeah, probably." Jessica smiled a little more. "And how the hell did you see me but not him?"
Matt tilted his head. "I imagine you mean Caleb." Jessica cursed as she realized she'd slipped up. "I've never met him before, only heard his voice on the phone once. I can't recognize someone I've never met. So, you're getting proof that he's stalking Halina."
Jessica looked away from him annoyed. "Yeah."
"Why wouldn't she tell me that?" Matt frowned.
"I don't know, ask her." Jessica said in irritation, turning back to her computer. "Why are you dressed like that, anyways?"
"The last suit got destroyed and after what that asshole did in a copy of it, I'm not sure I'd want to use it anymore, anyways." Matt said moving towards the window. "Should have a new one here soon enough."
"I knew that couldn't be you." Jessica said half to herself.
Matt walked to her window and jumped out without a comment, smiling when he heard her shout. "Goodbye!" Then mutter. "Asshole."
Matt needed to clear his head, blow off some steam and see what his body was now capable of. He still wasn't as in shape as he'd like to be, but his limbs no longer felt stiff and sluggish, and his mind felt sharp. For several hours, Matt roamed the city, stopping several petty crimes and preventing the kidnapping of two college age girls who'd drunkenly wandered into the wrong neighbourhood. He had been surprised, when he got home, to find Halina sleeping awkwardly on the couch. Apparently, she must've noticed his absence and had gotten up, presumably to wait for him. When he woke her up, she told him everything that Jessica had not, and it pained him that she was so concerned about him. He didn't like making her worry about him anymore then she didn't like to make him worry about her.
Matt was now living the life he had never thought possible. By day, he went to work with his best friend, Foggy, practicing law and helping people who deserved his help. He had a beautiful girlfriend that, despite only knowing each other for only a month now, had become the most serious relationship he'd ever had. He wanted it all with her, he wanted to marry her and suddenly found himself wanting to have a family with her. He never thought he could have either of those, especially after he became Daredevil. His brief relationship with Karen had proved that being in a relationship and being Daredevil was near impossible. He didn't think he could have love while he continued to be a vigilante and while he still believed it to be something that was exceptionally rare, Halina had shown him it was possible. By night, he brought terror to criminals and made love to Halina. She'd ask about a new bruise that would appear in the morning and never really seemed bothered by the stories, albeit sometimes the stories were heavily censored.
He continued to teach Halina, train her how to fight better, and she was getting rather good. Her only weakness appeared to be her ability to react, he thought it to be too slow, but he wondered if he was gauging her a little unfairly because he was accustomed to highly skilled fighters who'd trained their entire lives or had supernatural abilities. Halina was just a normal human. Still, she was dedicated to learning everything he could teach her and, honestly, he enjoyed spending the early morning training sessions with her almost as much as he enjoyed his nights in bed with her.
Still, there was a cloud that continued to hang over their relationship, put there by a man he could very easily put in the hospital. He had promised, though, to not touch him and let Jessica dig up something that could put him away. When Halina had mentioned to him that she would be meeting with Jessica, he decided it was time for him to pay her another visit, as well. He didn't want to wait until the end of the day for Halina to tell him what she'd found. This time, Matt decided to not piss Jessica off right from the beginning and use her front door, although it would have looked weird for him to clamber in her window in broad daylight, wearing a suit. When she opened the door, she slammed it nearly as quickly and didn't turn back, so Matt let himself in.
"I know you have something." Matt said as he walked into her office. "Otherwise, Halina wouldn't be coming to meet you."
"And I'll be telling her, not you." Jessica said in irritation. "That's why she's supposed to meet me, not you."
"Just tell me, Jess." Matt said as he walked over to bookcase of booze and helped himself. "She's going to tell me anyways."
"I said no!" She said raising her voice slightly, ripping her bottle of booze from his grasp. "If you want to know, wait for your girlfriend to show up."
"What's it going to hurt telling me now?" Matt said as he sipped his drink and wandered over to her kitchen, noting its messy state. "And I'd like to know in advanced if you're going to be upsetting her."
"Jesus!" Jessica said, slamming down her now empty glass. "You just don't shut up, do you?"
Matt smiled slightly and held his hands out to the side. "Lawyer. Talking is part of the job."
He continued to badger her for almost ten minutes before Halina showed up and had an empty bottle lobbed at him half heartedly. As annoyed as she was with his badgering, she knew his heart was in the right place and he was only trying to protect Halina, so she wasn't as annoyed as she could have been. She probably could have thrown him out, or at least she could have tried, but she contented herself with throwing insults at him instead. When Halina finally did show up, after she'd recovered from the near heart attack that he'd accidently given her, they listened to Jessica review her findings thus far.
He wasn't sure what disturbed him the most, the fact that her ex was murdering people and getting away with it, or the fact that he was involved with the mafia. The paperwork that Jessica had handed him wasn't just of Hollar's banking history but also a list of corporations they were involved with, some of whom Matt recognized as having mafia affiliations. And not with just one mafia family, but multiple and some of the companies had direct affiliation with Caleb's family as well. He was even more dangerous than Matt had realized, he needed to stop him, now. At the moment, Caleb appeared to only have low level affiliation, but it was possible he was the son of a man with more pull.
"Why did you not tell her all of it?" Jessica asked once Halina had left the office.
"She's already terrified enough as it is." Matt said as he stared grimly at the paper in his hand. "I noticed that you didn't either."
Jessica poured herself another glass. "It doesn't help her any to know. What're you going to do? You promised her you wouldn't go after him, didn't you?"
"I promised that I wouldn't beat him within an inch of his life." Matt said darkly. "But there are other ways of making people afraid…ways of destroying them. I know a few people who I can…ask about these companies. About Hollar. I'll see what I can dig up."
"Well, I hope you got a new suit, because it sounds like you're going to be getting shot at. A lot."
Matt smiled slightly. "I do." He turned and walked to the door.
"Keep a close eye on her." Jessica said as she watched him. "That jackass seems liable to snap at any moment."
Matt nodded as he reached for the doorknob then left.
He had been pacing the floor, that night, already in his Daredevil suit. He was waiting for Halina to come home so he could go out, when he had gotten a text from her. He frowned as he listened to the robotic voice read her text. Why was she going to Hollar so late at night? Fear struck him like a lightening bolt: it was a trap. Caleb was making his move. Matt clenched his empty fist as he looked at his phone. But what if he was wrong? What would she think? Maybe she wouldn't tell him the next time she went somewhere late at night. Cursing, Matt vaulted himself to the top of the steps that led to the roof and took off at full speed. She was far away, and she was moving even further into the city, he wasn't sure he could make it there on time.
He ran from rooftop to rooftop for as long as he could, until the buildings became skyscrapers and more difficult for him to scale. Luckily, Matt had memorised Hollar's location weeks ago, fully planning on breaking in at one point to take a look around Caleb's office. Matt knew it'd be difficult to enter from the ground floor. The building had around the clock security and the guards were unlikely to let a guy dressed in a devil's suit just walk in. The roof, though, had no security on it, just a metal door that made access difficult, but not impossible. He panted as began smashing at the doors handle with all his pent up rage going into every blow, he could hear Halina several stories below him. She was talking to Caleb, he could tell from her heart rate that she was afraid, but her voice was level, angry even and she stood her ground as he took steps towards her.
He busted the handle off after the third swing and ripped the door open then leapt over the stairwell dropping a floor at a time until he reached the correct floor and opened the door that led into Hollar's main office area. There they stood, neither of them noticing his rather loud entrance, Halina pinned to the ground as Caleb began unbuckling his pants. Matt threw his stick with considerable force, knocking Caleb sideways and on to the ground as Matt rushed him, his rage consuming him. There wasn't much that crossed his mind as he pummelled Caleb, just rage, unquenchable rage. Halina's voice suddenly reached his ears, she sounded scared. Was she scared for him or of him? Matt thought as he looked at her behind him and Caleb beneath him simultaneously, fist raised for another blow.
His rage continued pound in his head, making a rushing sound in his ears but Halina grabbed his fist and pulled him his feet, kissed him, and tried to talk to him but all he could think about was the fear Caleb had caused her, he could smell the blood, and the pheromone that a body gives off when a person was put in a life or death situation. As she talked, though, he realized that he may well be the cause of some of the fear that she was experiencing and suddenly the rage receded, draining almost entirely at the thought. He didn't want her to be afraid of him, afraid of his rage and so he listened to her recording, let her persuade him to let Caleb live. He wasn't certain when the thought occurred to him, or if it had been a conscience thought at all, but he was ready to kill Caleb in that moment, he didn't care. He just wanted him to stop terrorizing the woman he loved.
The next morning, he woke feeling like complete shit. Halina continued to sleep deeply beside him, completely exhausted from last nights events. Somehow, she didn't look at him any differently, despite how he had behaved or at least she hadn't when she went to bed. He wondered though, when she awoke and had sometime to think about what had happened last night, if she'd come to realize that Matt wasn't as good of a person as she thought. He tried to be, he really did, but last night showed how quickly he could snap. He thought he'd buried that murderous rage when he'd put Fisk away but not only had it continued to be present within him, it had snuck up on him and taken him over without him ever knowing. He wanted to go see Maggie, talk about it, but he was afraid to leave Halina alone. He didn't want her to wake up without anyone around.
After taking some of his frustration out on Hogarth and notifying Foggy that he wouldn't be in for a few days, Matt settled down in the living room to work on what he had brought home with him. It was several hours later when Halina had finally woken up. She seemed disoriented at first as she looked for him on the other side of the bed and he could tell from her reactions that her head was giving her a great deal of pain. After he'd fed her some pain killers and got some food into her, they settled down on the couch together. Matt tried to focus on work, but he spent most of his morning watching her worriedly as she lay lifelessly beside him just staring straight ahead.
The afternoon brought some life back to her. After hearing his conversation with Mahoney, she began to move and had started rifling through his case files. Professionally he probably should've cared that an opposing defense attorney was poking through his files but personally, he didn't give a fuck. She was doing something other than staring listlessly into space. He wished he knew what he could do for her, to help her but for now, all he could do was sit beside her feeling helpless as she worked through her own feelings. Matt had thought that reliving her trauma with Mahoney would set her back, put her once again into that catatonic state but instead, she reached out to Marci. She had been calm the entire conversation.
He watched as she got up and started a bath without so much as a word to him. Watched as she stared at her bruised reflection. Her heart rate had increased as she stared at herself, he thought that she might finally lose it but instead, she climbed into the bath and sat back with a sigh. At first, she seemed to relax as her heart rate slowed but after several long minutes, it picked up once more and the smell of salty tears made its way to him. He hesitated a moment, uncertain what he would do if he walked over there but then decided that doing something was better than doing nothing. But then she had yelled at him, and he felt incredibly confused, uncertain as to what he should be doing. She seemed to read his confusion and instantly apologized. As he listened to her, he had convinced himself that she was finally starting to see him for what he was, a monster. An unnatural thing that only God could love.
Then she said the most peculiar thing, that she admired him for his strength. That she didn't believe him capable of murder, of this he was certain she was wrong. Yes, he could have ended Caleb's life easily and quickly, but he didn't deserve a quick end. He had wanted to Caleb to experience some of the pain and the fear that Halina had experienced, the helplessness she felt as his punches had rained down on her. He wanted Caleb to know the suffering that Halina had experienced, and then he would make sure that sure that Halina never experienced it again. Matt was ashamed of those feelings, terrified of them, but he was even more terrified of losing Halina and he knew that killing Caleb may well cause him to lose her. An incredibly selfish reasoning to not kill a man.
But for whatever reason, she still loved him, and even thought him to be a good man. He hoped she was right; he desperately did not want to prove her wrong.
I rather enjoyed writing this chapter. So much so I had begun to write a second story from his perspective. Don't hold your breath, though, who knows if I'll ever post it.
-Shockra