"C - you were asked to do a theme paragraph, this seems to be a summary and analysis, you have great insight but I can't tell what you're trying to say" Luz just stared at the concrete words on her lit essay. The wrath of gods struck through her brain to rip the paper clean in half and throw it in the can like the swat of predatory pounce, but that would cause a scene so she had to settle for closing her eyes and stiffly folding up the page and putting it into her letterman pocket for the bin on the way out.
They're the same thing, they're nearly the same goddamn thing. She knew some personality issue was why she did badly and was upset but that doesn't change her right to be upset. She put everything into that analysis and it was just shot down cause she misinterpreted half a criteria, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
By the end of class she had the courage to rip it in half as quiet as she could while everybody was packing up to crumple it spherical and throw it in the bin on her way.
Now was about the time she tried to forget things like that, Art was relaxing enough, but this one just wouldn't let go. Art being a bit of a nothing period was probably part of that, she loved how many mediums they dabbled in but they dumbed the class down so much because people were taking it as an easy A and they had to cater to them that they might as well have just not had an art class. Luz was still thankful for Ms. Langford's effort and the chance to expel some form of creative energy with these projects.
Rest of the day just happened. Her backpack thunked as she almost bombed it onto the floor and flicked away all reminders of her school life. Lumbered and flopped head first on the couch where Amity was writing, shoulder falling into her lap and Luz's feet limply spilling onto the floor.
"How was you're day?" Amity formally regarded. Luz just let out a "weh" and buried her head into Amity's stomach, curling inwards like some sort of seashell. Gripping her torso enough for comfort but not putting too much energy output cause long day.
Amity simply laid her hand on Luz's scalp and rustled her hair a little, Luz let out a semblance of a chuckle. Luz let existence consume her and just remained there, every once in a while she'd think about maybe getting up but ultimately fail wanting to. "I hate myself" she mumbled, Amity of course picked it up, witch ears are pretty much just thin bat ears, determined for Luz to not feel like that, Luz accepted the love and was really happy for it, and was glad someone else didn't think that, but the feeling didn't really change.
Despite sharing a house with six, it didn't really feel like anyone else was there. A groggy nature persisted to existence, even when she'd walk by her brother in the kitchen and he'd ask her about a cool picture he found or would be trying out some recipe with Gus, she still didn't feel anyone there.
Time didn't move any consistent way, too slow, too fast, either way hours didn't exist and minutes were never a concept. The blue glimmer of the laptop kept busy as question after question she kept opening up incognito for, just cause she didn't want self help invading her search history "how to know if you're not cut out for something?", "how am i so determined and so lazy?", "why do I keep having to learn the same lesson?". She'd look at every answer for everything but she never felt like she got an answer, nothing fulfilled anything, the big sad just got worse.
"I hate myself", to no one in particular, she just needed to say that.
Came crawling back to Amity again, as per usual. Didn't say anything, just walked out into the living room and hugged her. She wanted to bury herself in a deep, dark hole and never have anyone perceive her again. "I love you" she finally said and hugged Amity tighter.