#
She announced she was leaving.
On the next day.
It was no surprise, really; it shouldn't have been. Neither should he be surprised by the impact it hit him with, though it was heavier than he'd expected, even with the resentment still fresh in him. Paradoxically, somehow, the resentment only seemed to add to it.
"Where to?" he asked. He would take her wherever. That much he could do. "Amphipolis?"
"I don't really have anywhere else."
For a moment, caught up in the sadness in her eyes, he had to resist the urge to pull her into his arms. She could have a home; she could have everywhere else to go, anywhere she wanted; he would take her to live with him on fucking Olympus if she wanted. If the timing had been different. And if he hadn't overheard what he had the other day.
"Amphipolis it is, then."
It was around midday when they appeared in front of her mother's inn.
It was awkward; the silence when they kept standing there outside the huge, gray, wooden door, Gabrielle busying herself with adjusting Eve in her arms, Xena gazing at him with a glimpse of insecurity in her eyes; so unusual, and stirring him even despite the numbness taking him over. The sun was behind her, lighting her every hair flowing in the wind; he drifted off, tracking the movement with his eyes.
"Leave us, Gabrielle," he said, his gaze unmoved. From the corner of his eye, he saw the green-eyed face twist in a grimace of disbelief; he would laugh, under any other circumstances. Right now, he didn't even smirk.
The blonder didn't move. She waited for Xena to say something. "I'll be with you in a sec," Xena said.
Snorting theatrically, Gabrielle pulled the handle and disappeared inside.
They were alone now, and he felt numb, and still uneasy; but she seemed even more uneasy than he was.
"So, what are we doing?" she broke the silence first.
"I got you here like you wanted, I'm going home."
He tried not to look her in the eye, not to see her face; he couldn't, not if he wanted to be strong and say what he wanted to say. It didn't help much, though; he knew that face by heart, he could see her expression now with his eyes closed.
"You're not staying?" she asked, her voice laced with apprehension that made it even harder to say what he was about to say. Also, it was a mistake to look her in the eye and see what he saw there; gods, he just wanted to lock her in his arms and tell her he'd never leave her.
"I'm not staying." He could see the why in her eyes, but didn't wait for it; she probably wouldn't have asked, anyway; she was too proud for it. "You did a shit job at seducing me to help you. Should've tried harder."
It had to be the first time in his life when he saw her that pale, that speechless. And he couldn't even revel in it.
"I'm sorry…" she tensed her jaw, her breath quickening.
Really, this was it? This was all she had to say? The lump in his throat reappeared.
"You know, the funny thing is – I would've helped you even without you whoring yourself out to me the way you did, you know?" he paused to swallow, looked at her, saw her breath quicken more, her eyes well up, and looked away. "But in the light of my recent discovery, I think I've had a change of heart; I assume you'll understand."
"It's not like that anymore…"
"Oh yeah? And what's it like, then? Enlighten me," he glared, watching the uneasiness eat her alive.
"Come on, say it. What're gonna say, that I fucked you into having feelings for me? That you love me? That you pity me? Go on, say it."
If he hadn't known her better, he'd think she was about to lose it. There was charge in the air, it almost gave him goosebumps, the volumes of tension oozing off her now; and he was starting to enjoy it, even, when something as if snapped in her, revealing the all too familiar face – eyes narrowed, cold as ice, lips pursed into a grimace; he almost took a step back when she suddenly closed the distance between them.
"Look me in the eye and swear you didn't consider giving Eve to Zeus," she hissed, challenging him with a glare. Slowly, he drew in a breath.
"Just as I thought," she snorted. "You never change, I was such a damn fool to think you might actually have a conscience," she spat and left him there agape, slamming the door in his face.
Oh, hell no, she didn't. He barged inside; it was rather quiet, sets of tables left and right, some faceless people scattered all over; Gabrielle was at the bar, talking to Xena's mother, Cyrene, who was now staring at him wide-eyed, mouth agape; maybe wondering if he was here to give another shot at getting her daughter to kill her, but he couldn't deal with it now – and there she was, on her way upstairs. He ran up the steps and caught her on the first floor, grabbing her by her upper arms, trying to catch his breath.
"You thought I had conscience… conscience? Conscience…" he smirked, "the conscience you had when you and your little friend downstairs fucked with my feelings and laughed at me behind my back?"
"You wanted to get my daughter killed, and now you're playing victim?"
"I would've offered you an honest deal from the start, if I'd known you like to pay for favors with your cunt."
"You fucking scum," she spat in his face and smacked him with an open palm, so hard that he staggered. He covered the burning cheek with his hand, breathing through open mouth.
"Xena? Everything alright there?"
Still stunned, he looked to the left, towards the female voice that turned out to be Cyrene, standing at the feet of the stairs, eyebrows raised.
"I'm fine, mom, we're just talking; I'll be down in a minute."
Cyrene eyed them doubtfully but retreated after a moment. Once she was out of sight, he grabbed her daughter and pinned her against the wall. "I'm afraid you'll need more than a minute..."
"Get your fucking hands off me," she spat in his face again.
"Truth hurts, doesn't it, Xena?" he squeezed his eyes shut, wiping his face against her shoulder, and pinned her wrists to the wall above her head, snapping his fingers to keep them handcuffed there. She sent him flying back and crashing into the wall with a swift kick to his midsection, but when he approached her again, he charged at her, managing to catch both her feet and force himself between them. "What's wrong, Xena? I thought you liked selling your body for godly favors… 'cause I don't think you've paid up for all my help so far," he reached down, ripping off the fabric from between her thighs, gasping at the touch of the slick flesh. "Look how wet you are; like a good little whore."
With a snap of his fingers they appeared in a small, blindingly bright room, and he was pinning her down on the bed, cuffing her hands to the metal bars of the headrest, stifling her moans with his mouth as he drove himself inside her, drunk with the raw need to fill her with his seed one more time.
Even though he kept it rather slow, mindful not to hurt her – it was over in no time; he was too overstimulated. But for the first time, he didn't care.
Snapping his fingers to uncuff her, he laid his cheek on her chest, her heartbeat wild in his ear; he expected to be punched, spat on, kicked off, anything but this – that she would do none of the above; that she would just hug him. He squeezed his lids shut when he felt the heat of her arms around his head; gods, it felt so good; inhaling the scent of her skin, her lazy touch on his head; he could breathe again. Even the sunlight flooding the room didn't blind him anymore. She ran her fingers through his hair, stroking softly, the tenderness of her touch feeling like a punch to the gut when it fully dawned on him what'd just happened; and where they were and why.
And then, he opened his mouth and surprised himself. "I'm sorry."
There was silence, heavy with her breath, heavy with his anticipation.
"You're right… I did plan to sleep with you to keep you on my side," her pensive voice filled the air, her breath cool on the damp skin of his neck. "When your child's life is at stake, there's nothing you wouldn't do; not that you'd understand."
He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. "I shouldn't complain, really… I guess I just didn't take it too well when I learned that it was… premeditated."
"You came to me first…"
"Played right into your cards, huh?"
"And messed with my head…"
He lifted his head; her eyes were closed, her touch soft around his neck. "I – messed with your head?"
"The way you acted around Eve…"
"Well, two can play that game, Xena, I had to earn your trust somehow… But you gotta admit, it felt real…" he put his head back down, inhaling her, his nose brushing her collarbone; and he couldn't help it, he pressed his lips against the still damp skin in a long, soft kiss.
"It did, didn't it…" she uttered breathlessly, her chest rising.
"And I loved every second of it," he kissed up her neck, holding her head when she shivered, when he brushed his nose against her chin, against her parting lips, her breath shaky, hot on his face.
"You did…?" she whispered, her hands roaming around his head, her lips moist on his forehead, her core muscles contracting around him as he hardened inside her. "Oh gods…"
"I think you did, too," he wrapped her leg around his hip.
"Yes… gods… yes…"
"I'm gonna fuck you again…"
"We should go…" she clutched the back of his head with one hand, grabbing his buttock with the other, urging him in; he claimed her lips and obliged, so madly that she wailed into his mouth.
"Hurts?" he slowed down, kissing her cheek.
"Don't stop," she grabbed a fistful of his hair so hard that he arched his neck, her nails running down his back, setting his skin on fire as she ripped the flesh open; and he didn't mind, just as she didn't seem to mind that this time the bed creaked way louder than before; and it did, and so loud that by now no one in the building could have any doubts as to what they were doing.
It took them longer to regain their breaths this time; her arms were still wrapped around his neck, her throat throbbing under his mouth, her hands shaking; they wouldn't stop shaking; and he was quite quivery himself, but it was nothing compared to her. He squeezed her arms; the thought of leaving her now – unbearable, unimaginable. It was a mistake to come here.
"I need to go…" she whispered, still out of breath, grazing his scalp with her nails. He opened his eyes, squinting in the blinding sunlight filling the room. There was a sound of a horse neighing somewhere outside, and some children laughing; and it didn't make the silence between them any less gruesome. Only now he realized that this time, she didn't say we.
"It was real, all of it. I wasn't acting…"
"I know," she kept tracing her fingers around his head.
"You do?"
"Neither was I," she said quietly, pensively. He felt his heart leap.
"I meant what I said, Xena…"
"What?"
"All of it… that I wanna be with you…"
"Ares…"
"…be a father to Eve…"
She drew in a breath, held it for a moment, and let it out, sniffling.
"I can't…"
All air left his lungs soundlessly, some paralyzing emptiness flooding him over. "Why the fuck not? Because of her?"
"Ares… she's the most important person in my life…"
He opened his mouth but then bit his lip; she didn't deserve to hear it.
"She's all I have," she added quietly.
"She's… you could… have me, too."
"It's what you think now… but you would get bored Ares, you're a god – you're not fit to live with a mortal—"
"You've never given me a chance."
"I'm sorry…
His throat clenched; his eyes squeezed shut, the bloody trails she left on his back burning him anew.
Climbing out of bed, he walked to the window; the kids were still there, chasing one another among screams and laughter; the horse was nowhere to be seen. He turned around.
She was still in bed as he left her; her eyes closed, her chest rising and falling. With a snap of his fingers, they were both fully clothed. She wiped her face with her palm, sitting up, her eyes blurry, soft; even her leathers and armor didn't make her look any less helpless. "I'm sorry…"
He dematerialized without a word.
#
He didn't do it often; in fact, he hadn't done it in ages – but the first place he transported himself to was the coast of Alexandria.
Ignoring the crowd of bidders to his right, he walked over to the wooden stage to take a better look, scanning the rows of nude bodies until his eyes fell on a long-legged, fair-skinned brunette; dark-eyed, but she would do. Among the loud protests from the crowd behind him, he grabbed the girl by the elbow and dragged her backstage along with the terrified auctioneer. Stuffing a handful of golden coins in the old man's shaking hands, he pulled the girl close and disappeared, reappearing in the castle.
Having ordered the priestesses to give her a long bath and bring her to his bedroom afterwards, he sat down on his throne, a golden goblet in his hand. It was his favorite wine; he took a sip, looking around the dark, black and gray interior, so bright – he only noticed now – with the warm glow of the late afternoon sun pouring in, setting the wall on his right ablaze – it had to be the first time he saw his collection of swords shine so bright. He looked to his left, towards the windows; they were bare, the drapes open wide. He snapped them close with a growl. It was dark again; just like he always liked it. And he hated it.
Refraining himself from turning the room into a pile of debris, he clutched the cold, metal armrests and pressed his head against the headrest. He could still go to Olympus; it was his last chance to save himself; go to Olympus and tell the gods he picked up on Xena's presence in Amphipolis.
His fingers snapped of their own accord; he regretted it as soon as the portal displayed her image; she was in a room – was it the same room? – in bed, nursing. Her head was thrown back against the bed's headboard, her eyes closed, shimmering trails on her face.
He snapped the portal close and materialized in his bedroom.
The girl was standing near the bed, nude; she flinched when he appeared. She was just the right height, the right hair length, similar skin tone; a bit less curvy, but he fixed it with the black silk and lace night gown that he found in the sheets. She even smelled like her; it was the bath oils that he'd instructed the priestesses to rub into her, head to toes.
He could smell her fear, too. It annoyed him, but he tried to ignore it; he had to if this was going to work. She shivered when he grabbed her chin; but even with her eyes cast down, she was breathtaking. Under any other circumstances, he would be able to lose himself in it, but the only thing he felt now was repulsion and anger. With a snap of his fingers, the face was covered with a black lace veil.
He moved behind her, nuzzling her hair; it wasn't as silky smooth, but the scent made him hard in an instant. Slowly, he circled the silk-covered waist with one hand, moving the hair aside with the other, baring the neck, brushing the skin with his nose, relishing the racing heartbeat; it was just like hers when he did that. He moved his mouth to the shoulder, kissing his way up to the ear, seizing her hips when her body shivered. He let go to find her hand; and he covered it with his, pressing it into her thigh, weaving his fingers in between her slim, shaky ones, and moved her hand to rest over her belly, pressing his cheek against the back of her head. Closing his eyes, he listened; to the wild heartbeat matching his own, to the air leaving her mouth noisily, shakily.
"I love you," the words left his lips before he knew it, muffled, muttered into the hair he was burying his face into, his hand roaming over her belly.
Scooping the trembling body in his arms, he carried her to bed, placing her in the middle, snapping his clothes off before joining her. He touched her abdomen, stroking in slow circles, moving in to nuzzle it with his face. "Our child will be here…" he kissed around it, placing his palm on the pubic bone, stroking gently, before he pulled the lace hem of the gown up the quivering thighs and buried his face in the dark curls between; and he couldn't pull away for what could've as well been hours.
He only came round when, among the ocean of moans and whimpers filling the room, he picked up on a curse in Greek; he cringed, realizing she understood his words. Somehow, he assumed she was a foreigner. But it didn't really matter; he was going to kill her afterwards anyway.
He moved up her body, positioning himself between the thighs already spread open for him; still shaky, but for a whole different reason than before. She winced, and he stopped for a moment, nuzzling her neck, kissing, nibbling, licking down to her shoulder, down to her chest. "It's okay, baby, we'll do it a different way if it hurts…" he slipped his hand between her thighs, but she was already lubricated all over. It took a while, but when she finally let him in, the feeling was so ecstatic that he lost his breath completely; he wanted to kiss her, but was afraid it would snap him out of the illusion; but gods, he wanted to kiss her so badly it drove him mad. Lifting the veil up to reveal the swollen, panting lips, he claimed them softly, probing with his tongue, grunting into her mouth when she responded, kissing him back intently. "I love making love to you," he whispered against her cheek. "Gods, I love you…"
She loosened up, letting him take all of her, and he buried himself in her completely, biting into her shoulder. "Tell me you love me."
"I love you," she moaned.
"Not like this, grab my head and whisper it in my ear."
She did exactly as ordered; her touch wasn't the same, but the feel of hands on the back of his head triggered him the way it should; and when he then felt a moist breath on his ear, knowing what he was going to hear, he knew he wouldn't last another second.
"I love you…" the soft whisper tickled his ear, setting him ablaze; all of it, the tender touch on his face, being inside her, the shaky voice in his ear; he closed his eyes, his head spinning.
"Again… Keep saying it," he breathed; and she did, and wouldn't stop until he collapsed onto her, spent. His face buried between her breasts, he reached up, grabbed her neck and clenched his fingers around it until it snapped. Shaken, he pulled away, rolling onto his back.
He didn't move, not even when Aphrodite materialized just feet away from him. Not even when he realized she had to see the tears streaming down his temples.
"Get lost."
"Ar… what the – what have you done…?" she asked, her voice not less shaky than his own. Great, just what he needed now.
"What does it look like?"
"Why did you kill her…?"
"Why, you wanted her? I can get you another one – there's plenty where this came from."
"You haven't been like this in a long time, Ar…"
"Maybe because no one has pissed me off in a long time."
"Xena…"
"Don't you have anything better to do?"
"You're not well, babe…"
"On the contrary – I was actually enjoying myself until you came."
"Honey, you have tears in your eyes…"
"Get out."
"Where's Xena?"
"Where the fuck do you think? She's off to try her luck against our family."
"You let her go?"
"She can do whatever she wants, I don't give a fuck."
"What happened? I thought you were supposed to go with her…"
"Since when do you care about her? Didn't you just want to kill her child?"
"It wasn't like that…"
"Besides, I don't recall ever telling you I was to go with her – interesting – so now you eavesdrop on me… Just for fun or on Daddy's order?"
"It was accidental, Ar, I swear… don't be mad, I'm sorry…"
"I can't believe you turned out to be a fucking snitch..."
"No—"
"I trusted you…"
"Ar, it's not like that, let me explain—"
"Get lost."
"Ar, please…"
"Get the fuck out, and don't come back. I don't want to see you here ever again."
"You don't mean it…"
After a moment of silence, he finally opened his eyes, looking to where she stood, and it was a mistake; seeing her tears had always gotten to him. He forced his lids shut again. "Don't make me repeat myself."
He only opened his eyes again after the sound of the tearing ether announced that he was alone again.
But then he looked to the body to his right; the inanimate memory of what a pathetic loser he was to fall that low. He grimaced, disgusted with himself; and then more, when he found himself squeezing the lifeless hand in his. Imagining that it could be her – it cut his breath short.
Reopening the portal, he saw she wasn't in the inn anymore. When he saw his father's army of immortals charging at her, he still managed to stay in his spot, but when he saw Zeus himself materializing behind them, he teleported himself in a blink of an eye.
#
So, she did it.
She did seduce him into helping her, after all.
One day – that was how long it took her to wipe off the rest Olympian pantheon.
His family.
He'd refused to call them family, but when he saw her off them one by one, it was the one word ringing in his head painfully.
He betrayed them. Betrayed his own kin. Brought the enemy into their own home. Not that there was anyone left to throw it in his face now; but it still stung.
Zeus went first; as soon as he'd located her in Amphipolis, he'd arrived with his private guards; little had he known that those would be the last moments of his life.
She was finishing off the last two of the guards, Eve in a sling on her chest; he tried to convince her to pass Eve to him for safekeeping, but she wouldn't; it did sting. But not as much as when his father opened his mouth.
"Some god you are… you've always been worthless, Ares – and look, even your mortal lover knows better than to rely on you."
"I don't think he asked for your opinion," Xena's voice cut the air before she somersaulted towards Zeus, dodging a light bolt thrown her way. Maybe, under other circumstances, maybe he'd laugh, maybe he'd even be moved, that she – a mortal –talked back to the King of the Gods like that, and on his, Ares' account at that; maybe he would have, but now – he'd never felt more degraded and useless in his life.
When she buried her sword in his father's throat, he couldn't even enjoy it the way he'd thought he would; all he could think of was how crippled he felt in front of her now; he – a God of War, one of the Twelve; he, who'd always been above her, whose power could've wiped her off this earth anytime if he'd really wanted it – now so impotent, so disposable; not even Dahak had managed to make him feel this small.
But nothing hurt as much as the moment when, right after they appeared on Olympus, she bound him with Hephaestian chains – did she really think he would turn against her? He understood it was a precaution – he would've done the same – but the fact she didn't trust him was still a blow, no matter how much he rationalized it.
Athena was the last one.
He'd never harbored warm feelings towards his least favorite sister, but it didn't make it any less awkward. It just felt wrong, more so than he'd have ever expected.
She was the last one standing; Zeus was dead, Hera was dead, all of them – there was just his proud, righteous sister, standing tall in the middle of the main hall of the marble ruins of what used to be their family home, pointing her sword at the woman he loved.
He wasn't worried about Xena; she was invincible. She was tired, he could tell – she hadn't put the sword down for the last several hours – but even now, even with her reaction time slower, she still had the upper hand. All Athena had managed so far were several minor scratches; not even the Goddess of Warfare was a match for the best warrior he'd ever trained. Normally, it would make him sneer. Right now, watching it only filled him with misery.
Then, something stirred in his chest.
Something was wrong. He didn't know why, he just knew it was Eve.
He scanned the surroundings fervently – Xena had her by her side when she'd fought the others, had to put her somewhere. Arching his neck, he spotted the familiar bundle next to the other pillar; quiet, too quiet. His heart started drumming in his ears; never had he wanted to hear her cry as much as he did now.
The chains slowed him down, but he finally crawled to her side, and lost his breath. Artemis' arrow; had to be her last shot before Xena's chakram beheaded her. His heart came up his throat. He didn't know how he managed to free his hands but before he realized it, he was holding the child to his chest, pouring the golden surge of energy into the little body until the breath was back in her lungs.
"Ares…" his sister's cry of agony snapped him out of the trance.
Spent, he put the whimpering child away and, with effort, fought to push the remaining chains down his body until he stepped out of them and rose to his feet, swaggering slightly.
"Ares," Athena collapsed onto her knees at Xena's feet, but her eyes were on him, her face twisted with what looked more like bewilderment than pain – and he didn't want to look her in the eyes, but the gaze was unbreakable – and he wished she would say something, anything, curse him – but she didn't.
"I'm sorry…" he looked away not to let his tears fall.
And then, it was over.
He collapsed where he stood; only now feeling how fatigued his muscles were. It was hard to breathe; the place was suddenly stuffy and hot, the dust getting into his eyes and lungs, blinding. A hand on his shoulder, on his arms, on his face, her voice in his ear – it all felt hardly even real, like through a veil.
"Ares… Ares, look at me, hey," she slapped his cheek lightly, and he tried to open his eyes but it was undoable; like his lids were glued to his eyeballs for good.
"I can't…"
"What's wrong, what happened?"
He felt his jaw tense at the memory of the chains he could still feel around him. "Funny you should ask," he huffed, coughing.
"Let's get out of here," she said, her palm caressing his face so softly, so lovingly; the palm that, just second ago, clutched the hilt of the sword that sank into his sister's chest. Where the fuck was this even coming from? Was it the mortality talking? "Ares, get us out of here."
"I can't," he uttered breathlessly, the dust irritating his throat.
"What do you mean you can't? We can't stay here, it's gonna collapse any minute now—"
"I have no powers."
"What? Why, how—"
"Eve… Artemis shot her," he uttered with the last of his breath, but it was enough, he didn't need to say more – the silence that followed was the best proof.
Finally, she spoke, the voice breaking in her throat. "You gave up your godhood to save Eve…"
"She was dead…"
"It's okay," she whispered against his forehead, wrapping her arms around him, pulling him into an embrace so rapid and tight that if he was close to suffocating before, he was right about to now. He pushed her away with one hand, protecting his throat with the other. "I'm sorry," she sniffled, "I'm sorry…" she kept on whispering fervently, stroking his head, pressing her cheek to his. Eve was starting to wail somewhere nearby.
"Aphrodite…" he managed to whisper, breath getting stuck in his throat.
Never in his life had he been so glad to hear his ditsy sister's arrival. "Get us out of here, Dite…"
"I can't take all of—"
"Take them first, I'll wait."
When they disappeared, he finally made it to lift his eyelids. His eyes were teary and itchy, and rubbing them with his fists didn't make it better, but he couldn't help himself.
His lips were dry from the dust still clouding the air.
Slowly, he took a breath and exhaled, looking up and around the ruins of what didn't resemble his family home anymore; the place he'd never realized he could have any feelings for; the place he used to visit rather reluctantly in the past; back when he'd been a God of War.
And now, it was gone.
It could be rebuilt, easily even – if there was anyone left to bother. But it was empty.
For the first time in all the eons of his existence on this plane, he saw Olympus completely empty.
So, he did lose it, in the end. His home, his godhood, all of it. The prophecy fulfilled itself, and he'd been there all along the way to see to it that it would.
The shore of that fucking lake, one stupid mistake.
"Remember the last time he was mortal? Xena – he was a charity case…"
Would she still want him? He had nothing to offer her anymore; if anything, he would just be a burden to her now. As much as it made his blood boil when he'd overheard the words the other day, Gabrielle wasn't wrong.
He was useless without his godhood. Without powers, he was just someone who probably wouldn't survive by himself for more than a week.
He touched the side of his face where her tears were still fresh, and, his vision blurring, he ran the moist fingertips along his dried-up, chapped lower lip.
It was all worth it.
It had to be.
She wouldn't leave him.
Not now, not after what they'd just been through. Not when she'd already taken his other family away.
She wouldn't.
Shakily, he let out a breath, some unbearable heaviness settling in the pit of his stomach.
THE END