Husk felt like such a hypocrite. He couldn't stand it when people wore masks and tried to act tougher than they really were. He hated the societal expectations that made people feel the need to pretend that they weren't ever anything less than okay. It annoyed him to no end when people drank just to convince themselves and those around them that nothing was wrong, rather than actually facing the shit they had to deal with.
And yet all evening he'd done the same thing. He'd gone out with Angel and the others. He drank, and he enjoyed himself, and he did everything in his power to hide the way his hands were shaking. He ignored the tightness in his chest that he didn't know was from his own fear, or Alastor reminding him just who had the power.
There were some things that Husk couldn't hide. Whether he liked it or not, his tail was bushy and his nerves were too shot for it to relax. He couldn't help but flinch whenever the lights at the bar took on a shade even remotely similar to the neon green that haunted his nightmares.
Fortunately, everybody else was too drunk to notice. And nobody bothered to consider that something could be wrong with him. He was the bartender. He was the person that people complained to when they had issues. They wouldn't consider that he had issues of his own, and he wasn't stupid enough to think for a second that anybody would actually care.
He liked to think that these people were his friends, but they didn't know him. Most of these people didn't know that he was chained by Alastor, stuck being his servant and pet. Angel knew, and he could relate, but he didn't know that Husk was being threatened by the Radio Demon.
While many souls were owned by overlords, not everybody's experience was the same. Many sinners who sold their soul could just keep their head down, do the occasional favor for the Master, but for the most part their will was their own.
Husk didn't have that luck. He was at Alastor's beck and call, and he knew it was just because the freak just wanted to put him in his place. Alastor had other souls under his control, and Husk knew he didn't do anything with them. He just liked owning souls because it was an easy way to remind people what he could do with them if he so desired.
Husk was pretty sure he was the only one that Alastor kept on hand, and it was just because he used to be an Overlord. Husk had made a mistake and he'd let Alastor take everything from him, and the Radio Demon loved to take every chance he could to remind him that he only had himself to blame.
Husk didn't normally forget his place with Alastor, but being at this hotel was making him soft. People were opening up to him, not because he was the bartender, but because he was their friend, and he started to open up right back. He was actually concerned about the safety of the people at the hotel, which was why he'd dared to talk back to Alastor, and he'd been promptly slammed down.
Alastor could take a lot of attitude and disrespect, but when he hit his limit, he hit it hard. Husk was allowed to be snarky and sarcastic all he pleased. He could complain and talk shit about Alastor, but he couldn't imply that the master of his soul wasn't in complete control at any given moment.
Husk knew he'd been let off easy. Alastor had just scared the shit out of him, reminded him of who held the cards, and then let him walk away. Husk should be grateful, but he was too uneasy for that, because now Alastor had his eye on him.
Husk could feel his gaze. When he was at his bar he usually liked to play low jazz, but all day he could hear the music skip with static, and his lights would flicker. It wasn't enough for everybody else to even notice, but Husk couldn't ignore it. Alastor wasn't watching him because he expected him to slip up again. This was just a game to him. A hunt of sorts. Alastor wanted to see him jumpy and anxious, and while Husk hated giving in, he really couldn't help it.
Going out with the others had been just what he needed. Husk was able to get away from Alastor, though he wasn't stupid enough to think that the Overlord wouldn't know he did anything to undermine him again. He just liked getting out of the hotel, out from under Alastor's foot, and a nice drink that he didn't have to serve himself.
For just a little bit Husk was able to forget, and then they got home. The others went to bed, and he lingered around his bar to clean things. Being alone, his mind drifted to the places that he'd been trying to ignore all day, and not only did he have to deal with the lingering fear of Alastor, but the guilt and disgust at the fact that he'd been playing pretend all day. The one thing he couldn't stand from others, and he'd done it himself.
It was tempting to try to drink his guilt and trouble away, except that would just make him feel worse when he sobered up. The best thing he could do right now was probably sleep it off. The only reason he wasn't doing just that was because Alastor had messed with the lights in his room. They kept flickering that horrible green, and they wouldn't turn off. Husk hoped that Al would get bored and back off soon, but he wasn't betting on it.
So he didn't drink, and he didn't go to bed. He just sat at his bar and pretended to clean. He lost track of time, but far too early he heard somebody come down the stairs. He'd just been resting his eyes for a moment, but his head snapped up at the sound. He looked to see Angel trudging down the stairs. He looked even worse than Husk felt.
"Having a hard time sleeping?" Husk asked as he reached for Angel's favorite glass.
"Opposite." Angel said drowsily. He sat himself at the bar and slumped forward. "Think you can make caffè corretto? Strong as you can make it."
"Strong with alcohol? Or strong with caffeine?" Husk asked as he started to make the espresso.
"Both." Angel groaned. He rubbed his eyes. "I don't wanna sleep, and I don't wanna think."
"I hear you." Husk said. "The drink I can understand, but you've been exhausted all evening. I thought sleep was just what you needed."
"It was." Angel said. "But…well, today was hard because it was long. Tomorrow's going to be hard because Val will be pissed off, and he's going to make me pay for it."
It was amazing what a single conversation would do. Suddenly, opening up between just the two of them was much easier. Husk already knew about Val, and Angel knew about Alastor. They didn't have to hide and pretend with each other, and it was a burden off of both of their backs.
Angel wrapped his lower arms around himself and there was a look in his eyes that Husk knew all too well. "He hasn't really forgiven me for that stuff that happened with Charlie. I was already on thin ice with him, and then I…I…" Angel's eyes widened, and if he wasn't already so light Husk was sure that he would have grown pale. "I've never talked to him like that before. I don't know what he's going to do to me."
Uncertainty could be a terrible thing, and it was a torture in and of itself. It made Husk glad that if he had to be chained to an Overlord it was Alastor. The Radio Demon didn't play these kinds of games. Husk knew what his boundaries were, and he knew what the consequences were if he pushed them. Even if he didn't know for sure, Alastor was much less driven by emotions than Val, and if someone knew how to read him they could get plenty of warning when they were starting to inch past a line that shouldn't be crossed, and they had time to correct themselves before it was too late.
Angel didn't get that chance. Everybody in Hell knew how volatile Valentino was. His mood changed at the drop of a dime, and the methods he used to discipline varied day to day. Husk didn't know if he'd be able to last in that kind of environment. He wasn't the kind of person who changed who he was to please the people around him. Angel was, which was why he'd lasted this long with Val in the first place.
Husk didn't tell Angel that he would be just fine, and that he'd be able to handle anything that the Overlord could dish out. The truth was, he didn't know, and they both knew it. He just poured the espresso, added the brandy, and kept out both the pot and the bottle.
Angel took a sip with a relieved sigh. He got about halfway through his drink before he put it down and looked Husk in the eye, a serious expression on his face.
"Listen." Angel said. His voice shook slightly, but he was confident and sure. Whatever he was going to say, it scared him, but he was determined. "I don't know what Val has in store for me. If things go too far and I don't get home by the next morning…" He trailed off, but he didn't need to finish. Husk knew what he was saying.
"I'll tell Alastor that something might be wrong." Husk said. Valentino was too much for him to deal with, but not Alastor. The Radio Demon could deal with any of the Overlords. And Husk knew that Alastor would act if he truly thought that Angel was in danger, because he saw the hotel as under his protection, and that included its patrons. Angel's soul may belong to Valentino, but in a way he was Alastor's ward, and Al wouldn't take the disrespect aimed at something he saw as his.
Angel grimaced. "What will Al want in return?" Because they both knew how it went. If Husk wanted a favor from Alastor, even if it was something in the Overlord's best interest, he would have to pay for it. When your soul was under someone else's ownership, you couldn't get something from them without giving something in return. That was how it worked.
Husk knew how Alastor worked. If he was in a good mood, Alastor would just say that Husk owed him one, and then he would bring Angel home with no issue. Because Husk had pushed his luck and Alastor was watching him carefully, if he asked anything of him then he would just see it as a chance to really drive the point home. Alastor owned Husk and could do what he wanted with him.
"I think he'll make me play the part of his pet for a bit." Husk said. He could feel his fur bristling at just the thought. It wouldn't be the first time Alastor had done such a thing. He never did it for long, thank fuck, but it was one of his more frequent punishments because he knew how much Husk hated it.
He might make Husk abandon his clothing and walk around on all fours. He could bind his wings, which he never used in the first place, to make sure he couldn't escape. Alastor could put a fancy, frilly collar on him like a 'proper' cat. He could make Husk eat just raw flesh, just like Alastor himself did. Husk wouldn't be surprised if the Overlord had the power to strip him of his voice so he couldn't even talk.
It looked different every time, but it all boiled down to Alastor dehumanizing and humiliating him until Husk felt like he really was a lesser being. Once that sank in, Alastor would say he learned his lesson, and life went on as normal, though it always took weeks or even months for Husk to really feel like himself again.
He didn't want to play Alastor's games, but sometimes it was necessary. If it was a choice between Angel's safety and Husk's dignity, Angel was more important.
Angel looked a little confused, but he didn't scoff and say that such a thing barely counted as punishment. Angel's entire job involved being humiliated and dehumanized. Husk wouldn't be surprised if he thought it really wasn't a big deal. It was a pleasant surprise when Angel didn't look annoyed, but sympathetic.
"I didn't think humiliation was Al's thing." Angel said quietly. "Physical pain seems more his style."
"It normally is." Husk said. "But he likes to be creative with the souls he owns. He wants to hit where it hurts the most, and since he owns my soul, he knows exactly where that is." Husk had never been bothered much by physical pain. That was part of how he was able to become an Overlord in the first place. Husk was strong enough to bear through pain, and hit back twice as hard if he wanted to.
"Not that I'm judging or anything, but why is being treated like a pet the best way to hurt you?" Angel asked. This wasn't the type of thing that Husk liked to talk about, because that just meant sharing his vulnerabilities with more people that might hurt him. But Angel was different. They understood each other.
"What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you see me?" Husk asked. "If you could use just one word to describe my physical features, what would it be?"
Angel frowned slightly. "Cat?"
Husk looked down at his paws. "For a lot of people, that's all they see. To them, I'm just a soft, adorable, nonthreatening cat. A pet."
"Who cares what other people think?" Angel crossed his arms. "A lot of people think I'm nothing more than a sex toy. A pliant hole they can stick their dicks into. You think I let that get to me?"
"Yes." Husk said plainly. Angel looked stunned at being called out. "The difference between us is that you like sex. You own that part of you. You just rightfully don't like when others think that's all there is to you." Husk growled slightly. He felt like he was aware of every strand of fur on his body, and he hated every bit of it.
Angel blinked. "You telling me you don't like the cat part of you? What does that even mean? You are a cat."
"I'm not." Husk said. His voice had more emotion in it than he would like. His tail flicked anxiously. "I look like this, but it's not me." He clenched his claws against his palms. "These ears that are too big and too sensitive to sound. These wings that get in the way of everything and scream to the world that I'm a gambler."
Husk started pacing around. He tried so hard to ignore his body. He made a point to not really look at his reflection, because it just felt so wrong. Now that he was thinking about it, and talking about it, he couldn't really stop.
"These limbs that are too short and stocky, making me look completely useless." Husk growled. He could hear the hiss in his voice. He gestured wildly to his own throat as he heard the guttural noises that were natural for a cat. "This stupid voice that keeps on giving the wrong message when I don't want it to." He did his best to be honest at all times, but there was a difference between honesty and vulnerability, and his instinctive noises made it hard for him to hide things when he was overly emotional.
"Husk." Angel's voice was quiet. Husk ignored him and just kept talking. He was just getting started.
"And this fur." Husk wanted to scratch it all off. "Soft. Bushy. I don't even have a bestial form that's my real me. This stuff is all I'm stuck with, and I hate every part of it." He dug his claws into his arm, scratching at it. "It's not me." He couldn't even explain why. It just felt wrong, and it made him feel even more pathetic, like he was making a big deal about nothing at all.
He felt a soft but firm grip on his arm. Husk's fur bristled. He looked sharply at Angel, who just stared right back at him. There was no pity in his eyes. Just sympathy.
"I'm sorry." Angel said sincerely. "When I look at you, I see far more than just a cat, but that is part of what I see, and I'm sorry."
"Don't be." Husk said. He let Angel stroke his fur and hold his hand to prevent him from scratching more. "You can't help how I look any more than I can."
"Maybe I can't help what I see, but I can help what I say." Angel said. There was a determined look back in his eyes. "I keep saying stupid shit that references how you look."
"Believe it or not, I have thick skin under this fur." Tusk said. "I can handle being called a little pussy."
Angel smirked slightly. "That's something we've got in common." And Husk really couldn't help but chuckle at that.
"Hey, but I'm serious." Angel said through a smile. "I know what I say may not be the worst you have to deal with, but you still have to deal with it. Trust me, watching my words a little bit to make you a little more comfortable is literally the least I can do."
And Husk could tell that he really was serious, and he didn't know how he felt about it. Husk couldn't remember the last time somebody had cared about him so much that they were worried about something as dumb as his feelings.
"You don't have to do that." Husk said.
"But I want to." Angel said plainly. "So I'm gonna. But I might slip up and say something dumb. If I do, I want you to knock some sense into me, alright?"
This felt completely unnecessary, but at the same time Husk was grateful for it. He didn't want to acknowledge that part of him though, because it made him feel soft, and he didn't need his insides to be as soft and pathetic as the outside..
"On one condition." Husk said. "If I call you fake again, do the same with me, alright?" He didn't really mean harm when he called people out for the acts they put on, but it was a really sensitive spot for Angel. Husk didn't want to hurt him just because he didn't agree with his friend's coping mechanisms.
"You got it." Angel said. They didn't shake on it. Demons who had sold their souls didn't like shaking on deals, for obvious reasons. They just sat together, with Angel finishing his drink, and then the rest of the espresso, while Husk took some of the brandy.
They were both tired, but neither of them tried to convince the other to go to bed. Angel was too scared of what the morning would bring to let himself slip into unconsciousness and lose his last few hours of freedom. Husk was too uneasy about Alastor to sleep in his room tonight.
They couldn't save each other from their masters. The only thing they could do was keep each other company in the middle of the night. It wasn't quite enough, and yet at the same time it was just what they needed, and neither of them could really ask for more.
They couldn't stop the pain. Their own, or each other's. They couldn't fight these impossible battles against Overlords who were everything that they weren't. It could be so easy to think they were powerless. But Husk knew that having someone in his corner who thought that he was more than he was, and stronger than he was, it made him feel more powerful.
He couldn't stand up to Alastor, but his friends made him want to. Maybe today that wasn't enough, but hopefully someday it would be. Maybe someday he could have his freedom again, and his soul and power would be his own. It was an impossible hope, but if Charlie could have impossible dreams, and if Angel could stand up to his Overlord, then maybe he could too.