Chapter Three: Exterminating the Snakes

"LIER!!" Scott yelled as the classmates turned to leave.

"Oh, so now he's a copyer!!" Michael blew his hair out of his face. "Jealous hun?"

"No! But you and Lace are both SNAKES!"

Brubles gasped dramatically. "Omg really?"

Alexx gasped too. "Omg omg."

Pelican groaned.

"Scott, you need to calm down," Lace said. Behind her, Michael smirked and whispered something about swiftness. See, Scott didn't listen to any music except anime openings, so he didn't know who Taylor Swift was. "We're just doing what we need to to survive."

"No you aren't! You intentionally tried to frame me! That goes against your own survival!"

Michael tossed his hair over his shoulder. "Yeah, 'cause you're so insufferable, I'd rather be dead than talk to you."

Scott frowned. "Do you guys see? They admit to foul play."

Liv shrugged. "This all just kinda feels unnecessary."

"Lace isn't as hot as Brubles so I don't really care," Dylan said.

Brubles smiled awkwardly.

"Michael is my mentor so I must take his side," Nosepickerfart said.

"Michael's MIXED, ew!" Aurellia exclaimed. "So OBVIOUSLY I'm with Scott!"

"Wow that is so sexist," Alexx said. "Discriminating against Michael just because he's a girl. Such a shame. This generation is really falling apart."

"I'M A BOY," Michael yelled.

Alexx squinted. "Are you sure?"

"YES?"

"I'm a doge," Brubles said.

"No!" Scott yelled. "You're a snake, Brubles!"

"I haven't done ANYTHING!"

"That's what they all say!"

Lace rubbed her forehead. "I don't even know what we're talking about anymore."

"Snakes!" Scott said. "Because you're all snakes! Liv is the only sane person here!"

Pelican, fittingly enough, squawked with offense.

"I dunno my dude," Alexx said. "I'm pretty sane y'know. I think you're insane."

Scott glared at him. "I'm not insane."

"Yes you are!" Michael said. "You never shut up about 'sNaKeS'!"

"Because there's so many of them here!"

"Are we sure this guy is actually an ultimate?" Nosepickerfart asked. "Maybe he's just crazy and thinks he's an ultimate…"

"How dare you insult my ultimate talent!" Scott yelled. "That is unforgivable! If it weren't for my talent, there'd be even more snakes out there!"

Michael rolled his eyes. "Can we go now? Or are you not done throwing a fit?"

Scott scoffed. "I'm not throwing a fit!"

"Sure sounds like you are."

As filled with hope and determination as he'd been earlier, he was currently filled with rage.

He ran out of the trial room and to the game room. He knew he'd seen a purple hammer somewhere in there.

Alast, he found the purple hammer, hung up on the wall. He grabbed it, and raced back to the trial room. Thankfully, no one had moved.

He swung the hammer as hard as he could and hit his target.

Brubles' head only made a cartoon bonk noise. She didn't even move.

"Wow, rude," she said, staring into Scott's soul.

"Tie him up!" Michael declared.

And the next thing Scott knew, he was being grabbed by everybody.

~~~

Michael cupped his mouth. "Alright everyone, get in line."

Everybody lined up behind him.

Michael twirled the purple hammer in his hand, then bonked Scott.

Scott frowned.

Michael smirked, passed the hammer to the next person in line, and moved out of the line.

Nosepickerfart took his turn and hit Scott with the hammer.

Then it was Lace's turn, then Dylan's, then Alexx's, then Kyle's, then Aurellia's.

Pelican and Liv stood a little ways off, both having disapproved of the idea and declined taking part.

Finally, Brubles took the hammer, swung it back, and whacked Scott.

Scott's head lulled. But Michael knew he'd live.

Brubles laughed hysterically. "Let's go again."

"No, you might kill him," Pelican interjected.

Michael decided he was done with these losers and left the room without another word. Lace followed him quickly.

"What now?" She asked.

Michael shrugged. "I think we've torn his will enough. Maybe he'll get himself killed and we won't even have to do anything."

Lace pressed her lips together. "Maybe."

Michael sashayed back to his room.

~~~

Scott couldn't take it anymore. He never thought he'd be stuck with so many snakes at once. He was going to lose his mind like this.

He paced in his room. There had to be some way to exterminate all the snakes. He'd never had to take on so many at once. But he knew he could do it. He was the Ultimate Snake Hunter for a reason.

I'll use a simp!

He chuckled at his own genius idea and grabbed his coat, slipping it on quickly before hurrying out of his room.

~~~

Michael had no intention of killing anyone.

He knew the dumbos would just whittle themselves down to nothing. All he had to do was survive long enough to be the last one standing.

Lace had a very optimistic idea of having the two of them escape together. He thought that was dumb. But Michael thought anything that didn't come from his mouth was dumb. This was because he was a narcissist, just like Brubles and Alexx.

Nosepickerfart was suddenly standing in front of Michael, interrupting his delusions of grandeur. "Mentor Michael."

"Hello 2011."

"I am the Ultimate Child. Now teach me your ways."

"No pls."

Nosepickerfart shook his head. "You always forsake me like this."

"Yes pls."

"Don't forsake him brother," Lace said, sashaying over. "Just play with the Child, brother."

"He's been aged up to our age brother. He is no Child brother."

"He is a Child in our hearts brother."

Nosepickerfart nodded.

Michael sighed, rolling his eyes. "Fine. Let me teach you about taxes and how I make my hair so luscious."

"Yay!" Lace and Nosepickerfart both said.

~~~

Scott watched the trio from behind the wall. In his hand was his trusty purple hammer.

Exterminate a child… kill two snakes with one child… despair the snakes….

He took in a deep breath, then screeched and ran at Nosepickerfart, swinging his hammer at his head.

Nosepickerfart fell over. "Hey! I'm but a little baby!"

Lace gasped. "How could you, Scott?! And I thought you were hot!"

Scott paused. "What?"

Lace did too. "What?"

Michael groaned. "Lace stop being a HARLOT."

"I'm not!"

"Uh, excuse you three," Nosepickerfart said, getting to his feet and dusting off his pants. "I was just hit in the head. Does anybody care about that?!"

"Nope," Michael said.

Nosepickerfart huffed. "So rude. Childism."

Alexx crawled out of the vent. "Did somebody say childism? I know all about racism, which goes hand in hand with childism. Statistically, on paper, did you know that most racists are ALSO childists—"

"SHUT UP ALEXX!" Scott and Lace yelled.

"I am a bald little boy," Nosepickerfart added.

"I'm too pretty for this," Michael said, flipping his hair.

"Pretty doesn't make up for snakey behavior!" Scott accused.

Michael smirked. "Aw, you think I'm pretty?"

Scott blinked. He'd never felt so uncomfortable before. This game held a lot of new emotional heights for him.

Lace wheezed at Michael's comment.

"Such body has been discovered," the Doge announced over the intercom.

"What?!" Scott exclaimed. "Already?!"

"Already??" Michael asked, raising an eyebrow.

Scott felt his panic rise. He didn't bother to respond, deciding instead to run to the body.

Pelican, Liv, and Dylan stood over Aurellia's body in the kitchen.

"Ah good, it wasn't anybody likable," Michael commented, leaning against the doorframe of the room.

Lace stood a little ways behind him. "Thank goodness somebody killed the racist."

Alexx jumped down from the ceiling vent into the kitchen. "I agree. Racists really deserve to die."

Brubles jumped down after him. "I agree too."

Aurellia's dead self was offended. Scott could tell. He was so good at reading people he could even read the dead.

Or maybe he wasn't as good at reading people as he thought. After all, some simpy loser like Lace was able to trick him. Maybe Alexx was right, and Scott had been overinflating his own intelligence for years. Maybe Lace and Michael weren't even snakes, and he was just paranoid and crazy…

Nah. That last part definitely couldn't be true.

"Such investigate."

Dylan nodded. "I'm gonna investigate in the cafeteria. So like, String Bean, out of the way."

Michael scoffed. "You're just jealous that I'm hotter than you."

"No, I'm Hotter," Lace said, grinning widely.

Dylan pushed past the disgusting snakey pair and into the cafeteria. Liv followed him out.

The rest of the students kept investigating in the kitchen, save for Kyle and Nosepickerfart, who didn't ever show up in the kitchen.

Until ten minutes later, when they heard a scream, and the Doge's voice came over the intercom again.

"Such another body pls."

Scott ran into the kitchen. There stood Kyle and Dylan over Liv's body, a knife stuck in her throat.

"Liv!" Scott rushed over to her side, checking desperately for a pulse. But it was useless, she was already a corpse for the snakes to feed on.

"He did it!" Kyle yelled, voice wavering with his distress.

Dylan scoffed. "I did not!"

If Scott were any less cool, he would cry for the loss of his ally. But because he was such a mysterious and hot guy, he did not. Her sacrifice would be remembered as an example of what happens when you fail to exterminate the snakes.

Pelican had apparently started interrogating the two suspects, which was good because Scott was way too deep in his thoughts about snakes to worry about them.

After some undetermined amount of time, the Doge's voice snapped Scott out of his trance.

"Time for class trial bark."

Scott closed his eyes, gathered his snake hunting skills, and headed to the class trial.

~~~

Michael hadn't been expecting complete chaos right off the bat, but he sure didn't mind the entertainment of it.

"Such trial begin," the Doge announced.

"It's not me!" Kyle screeched as soon as the gavel hit the desk. "I watched Dylan kill her!"

Dylan chuckled darkly. "Why would I kill a pretty woman? That'd be pointless. If I was going to kill somebody, it'd be somebody useless like you."

Kyle scowled.

Pelican sighed, rubbing her temples. "Why don't you two give your testimonies?"

Kyle nodded fiercely. "I was walking through the hall, trying to find my way to the kitchen. When I opened the door to the cafeteria, I saw Dylan stab Liv. She was dead before I could do anything."

Dylan laughed. "Nice try bud. How about this? Liv and I were investigating like normal people when Kyle busted through the door, grabbed the knife off the table, and stabbed Liv. I was too shocked to stop him."

"Loser," Michael commented.

"That's not what happened!" Kyle exclaimed, distressed.

"You sound stressed," Dylan said, smirking. "Like a liar."

Kyle glared at him.

Nosepickerfart started bouncing. "Can I go? Can I go?"

Pelican waved her hand. "Go."

Nosepickerfart smirked. "You idiots forgot I wasn't in the kitchen. I saw the whole thing!"

"Who did it, then?" Scott asked.

"Dylan!" Nosepickerfart announced.

Dylan scoffed. "Oh whatever kid, you don't know what you're talking about."

Nosepickerfart stared Dylan in the eyes. "I heard the whole thing. I was hiding underneath one of the tables. You were flirting with Liv and making women in the kitchen jokes. She got so fed up with you she drew a knife from her boot and tried to slice you. Somehow, your pathetic self managed to dodge and you grabbed the knife away from her, stabbing her yourself. Kyle walked in right as you stabbed her the third time, the killing blow."

Dylan frowned, eyes darting around nervously. "He's lying. Never trust a bald child."

Michael smirked. "On the contrary, always trust a bald child."

"Caillou," Brubles said blankly.

Michael's nose scrunched up. "Ew nevermind."

"Very true that Dylan is murder," the Doge said. "Such unfortunately only the first killer counts, so such for now, much need to find the other killer."

Michael groaned. "Here we go again."

Scott seemed to be in deep thought before he dramatically pointed at Brubles. "It's Brubles!"

Brubles just looked mildly annoyed. "Are you kidding me?"

"AGAIN?" Michael yelled.

"Brubles and Alexx are great friends," Scott began to explain. "Aurellia was constantly harassing and being racist to Alexx. Brubles killed her for revenge."

Brubles laughed.

Michael sighed. Seriously, how much dumber could these people get?

Alexx shook his head. "She couldn't have. The time of the murder was 10:38am this morning. She was with me at that time."

"How do you know it was at that time?" Pelican asked.

Alexx pushed his glasses up again. Michael hated that, along with everything else.

"It had to have happened at 10:38am," Alexx started. "Because Brubles and I have a camera set up in every room, and they all went down at exactly 10:38am. They all booted back up soon after, save for the kitchen, and the body was found at 10:41am."

Brubles nodded.

Michael's brows furrowed. "Where'd you even get the cameras to set them up, tf??"

Brubles grinned. "I found some in the supply closet. Yours truly is amazing at picking locks."

"Of course you are," Lace sighed.

"Well, Brubles has an alibi," Pelican said. "So it can't be her."

Michael watched Scott tap his fingers on his stand. It was strange really, how easily he backed down from that. Usually he'd argue longer about Brubles being the culprit. It was almost as if he were calculating something…

Michael propped his head in his hand. "Got something to say, Scott?"

Scott looked up, startled. "Uh, no."

"Hm. Interesting…"

Scott narrowed his eyes. "How so?"

"You usually argue a whole lot more against Brubles. Strange you're suddenly so calm."

Scott shrugged. "Losing battle."

Michael shrugged too.

"So, who has an alibi at 10:38am?" Pelican asked.

Lace pointed at Michael. "We were together."

Nosepickerfart barked. "I was with them."

"And Scott came and hit Nosepickerfart with a hammer, so I guess he's got an alibi too," Michael conceded.

"So that's Alexx, Brubles, me, Michael, Nosepickerfart, and Scott." Lace counted on her fingers.

"That leaves me, Kyle, and Dylan," Pelican said. "At 10:38, I was in my room, so not that strong an alibi."

"I was in my room, too," Kyle said.

"I was strolling through the halls," Dylan added.

Scott stared at Dylan intensely, seeming to be in deep thought.

Lace chewed on her lip, thinking. "Is there any way we could prove who did it between those three?"

Pelican shook her head, shoulders slumping. "No. We just have to guess."

The eerie silence crept over the students…

~~~

The hunter… has become the snake.

Scott sighed. He knew better than this. What was he doing? He'd stooped to such a low level, all because Michael was annoying…

He had to make this right. He had to save his classmates. He had to tell the truth.

"No, we don't have to guess," Scott said, voice wavering. "I know who did it."

"Oh, so finally you're being helpful," Michael remarked.

Scott rolled his eyes. Michael never ceased to be insufferable, it seemed. "See what's weird is… Liv committed the first murder."

"What makes you say that?" Brubles asked.

Scott sighed. "I must repent. I acted very much like a snake. I realize the faults in my actions now. You see…

"In an attempt to exterminate the snakes of the game, I teamed up with Liv. She was supposed to kill Aurellia while I killed Nosepickerfart. It was going to cause a commotion and enough chaos to cause everyone to vote wrong, thus killing us all and therefore getting rid of the snakes.

"What I wasn't prepared for was for the body to be found so quickly. I wasn't able to kill Nosepickerfart in time. What's even worse is her death. I never imagined the plot would go so far off the rails…"

He took in a breath. "But I apologize, my fellow classmates. I hope you can find it in your will to forgive me. I've been acting like a snake when I should be the dependable hunter. I don't even deserve my ultimate title anymore."

"Yeah, you don't," Michael said.

"Aw, Scott." Lace looked genuinely sympathetic. For once, Scott let go of his suspicions of snake behavior and decided maybe, just maybe, someone was being authentic. "It's okay, I get it. I forgive you."

"But… if Liv killed Aurellia… then who are we supposed to vote for?" Pelican asked.

The Doge cackled. "Very Dylan. I just wanted entertaindoge so I made you figure out the first killer too."

"Are you kidding me." Kyle deadpanned, annoyed.

"Nope! Very voting time!"

"Wait no!" Dylan exclaimed. "You can't vote me! Even Nosepickerfart said it was self-defense!"

"Sorry Dylan," Pelican said, not sounding very sorry. "It's time for you to go."

They all voted. Scott voted Dylan. When the Doge put the votes onscreen, he saw everyone else had voted Dylan as well. Except Dylan, who had, funnily enough, voted Brubles.

"NOOOO!" Dylan screamed, trying to run away.

But the Doge was fast. Too fast. It caught him quickly and killed him swift.

Scott did not bother to tip his hat with respect this time. Dylan did not deserve it.

"Ah, Brubles?" Scott said as the classmates began to leave.

Brubles paused. "Wat ?"

Scott blinked at the use of emoji, but otherwise ignored. "I want to apologize to you, too, Brubles. I always threw your name under the bus. I was so obsessed with the idea of you being a snake, Brubles, that I failed to see the lack of logic behind my actions. I am very sorry, Brubles."

Brubles took off her top hat and dramatically bowed. "You are forgiven, Momma."

"Momma???"

Brubles grinned, standing up straight again. "It is what I call my friends."

Scott smiled. "We're friends?"

"No." She deadpanned. "We're Mommas."

Scott chuckled. "I'll take it."

She smiled, and left.

Scott's heart grew warm. Maybe having friends was better than hunting snakes.