My Beautiful Doll

Warning: Nothing. It's pretty safe guys!

A/N: Hi! I haven't really done much since I last posted so you'll be getting a shorter author's note. Also, Ian is a bit more emotional here than I would usually write him but I figured that after all the shit that happened, it would be best if he let his walls down at least a bit. Also being to the point will definitely not help Don in the slightest. He knows when he should be an ass and when he should actually be careful. Alright, that's all from me. Have a nice day!

Don couldn't help but feel the thundering rhythm of his beating heart run faster than it ever had before, even faster when Baker was chasing him throughout those woods. He could feel every inch of sweat drip down his face as he desperately tried to keep a nonchalant expression. He thought he had everything under lock and key. How the hell did Ian find that out? "What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me Eppes," Ian hissed, his eyes now darker as he glared at Don. "When we rescued you, you said that you knew we'd find you. You sounded relieved, but there was also something else there, something I couldn't pin down." Then Ian pointed towards the door where the nurse left. "But then you had the exact same tone of voice when she told you she didn't know the answers. That's when it hit me. It was disappointment. The emotion I was looking for was disappointment."

Don froze as all of that hit him in the face like a battering ram. He would've objected if it weren't for the fact that Ian had already stated his reason for why Don wasn't disappointed at them finding him too late. Ian was right, he could never blame them on that. Don knew more than anyone how hard kidnapping investigations were, especially when it was about fellow law enforcement officers. No matter what, Don could never be angry at them. No, he was mostly pissed at himself. Thousands and thousands of shoulds and shouldn'ts swirled around his head constantly, now more than ever.

"So tell me Don, am I right?"

Don looked away, he wasn't able to look Ian in the eye, afraid of what he'll find there. "I… well…" he mumbled, his mind drawing blanks. For the life of him, he couldn't think of a lie.

He felt a hand hold the side of his face and guided him to look towards Ian. Don looked up and instantly felt horrible about what he was doing. Ian looked almost miserable as he gave Don a solemn look, his eyes less dark but filled with worry. "Just tell me the truth". Don's breath hitched in his throat. Ian never looked anything less than put together, his smug smile almost permanently on his face as he radiated confidence. But to see him look like this, he had a feeling that he might've accidentally broken the sniper.

"I…" he stuttered, this time unable to look away. He couldn't finish his sentence, but it seemed like whatever Ian saw in his eyes was enough. Ian leaned in and to Don's surprise, gave him a soft kiss. It wasn't passionate or casual, but instead sweet and loving. Kisses like these were few and far in between, but they never failed to leave him weak. Don could feel the desperation, the worry, the pain, and the relief. Things that Ian would've had trouble saying flowed easily between them.

They pulled away and Ian brought their foreheads together. "I can't lose you…please don't make me lose you…" he whispered, the honesty was almost shocking Don to silence.

Don couldn't help but swallow down the self-loathing that had started to climb up his throat. He tried to keep everything down to avoid saying what he felt, but it seemed like Ian's open display of emotions made him weaker than he could ever imagine. "I wished you were too late" he whispered, hoping that Ian couldn't hear what he said. But then Ian drew a sharp breath and Don knew it was all over.

Ian pulled away, a mix of shock and anger was written clearly across his face. "What the hell are you talking about?" He sounded pissed. Don couldn't blame him. All of that hard work could be thrown out the window just because he couldn't deal with what happened.

He shook his head. "Nevermind, it's not important," he said, trying to backtrack as fast as possible. But it seemed like Ian was on a roll.

"No," he hissed, "You don't get to run, not after what you just said." Then he took a deep breath, trying to reign his emotions in. He grabbed Don's nearest hand and held it tightly as if this little contact between them would be enough to ward the world off from going after him, just for one day. "Just…no more hiding, okay? I don't like seeing you get hurt," he confessed. "After all, you were the first person I've ever truly loved."

Don couldn't help but let out a defeated sigh. That was a low blow on Ian's part, making it all about his feelings. The bastard knew how much Don would cave if he talked about how much this affected him rather than Don. Dammit…you fucked up Eppes he said to himself, disappointed. "I know…" he muttered underneath his breath. "I just- am I even worth fixing?" he gestured towards himself, unsure.

"What do you mean?"

"You could tell what he did. I-" Don looked away, unable to look Ian in the eye. "I'm useless." He could feel Ian open his mouth to refute but Don cut him off, "You don't get it, I broke. I begged for him to stop. I cried. I'm supposed to be the strong one! I'm supposed to be the one to keep it together! But…I did everything I shouldn't do." He took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. "How can I lead my team if I'm shattered by every threat?" he whispered, looking hollowly at the corner of the room. He did a full body shudder, he could feel the mental floodgates start to open. "How can anyone rely on me if they know I break easily? After all," he let out a humourless laugh, his tone empty now, "out of everything I've ever faced, I broke at the threat of round two."

He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to make himself seem smaller than he was. A self soothing gesture, his mind supplied. "Sometimes I can hear him calling out to me when I'm alone, laughing, calling me all those pet names. Sometimes I can still feel him on me, hands everywhere." His voice shook slightly, "And sometimes I can see him when I'm asleep." Don clenched his hands to stop them from shaking, "He won't leave me alone and I hate it."

"Eppes, I-"

"IT SHOULDN'T MAKE SENSE!" He screamed, angrily slamming his fists on the bed. "Why is this affecting me?! It shouldn't affect me!" Not after everything I've experienced. "I should've-" -gotten used to this! "-been stronger!" He looked at his hands, still shaking slightly. "I should be able to bounce back…" he whispered. After all, I bounced back after Pete Fox, Charlie's tutor, those corrupt supervisors, EVERYTHING! "Why- why am I not bouncing back…?" Try as he might, he couldn't help but let out a small sob. "God…this is pathetic" I'm pathetic. He couldn't even turn to look at one of the few people he trusted most in the world, terrified of what he'd see. "Can't you see?" he asked, his voice now slightly raspy from the shouting.

"I failed, plain and simple."

Ian was silent for a few moments to the point where Don hoped that he left, never to return again. No one needed to deal with him and his emotional baggage. But then he heard Ian speak, his voice softer than anything Don's ever heard before from him. "Can I touch you?"

Don blinked, surprised. Then it hit him. After his outburst, Ian is worried that he might be in a fragile state of mind. A part of him wanted to scream, to tell them that he's not that fragile, that he could take it. Another part of him wanted to cry even harder, to hide away until the world ended. Instead, he swallowed all of his emotions and nodded, still not looking at Ian. Don didn't even realize that Ian's hand had left his until it was back again. "Do you trust me?"

Without hesitation, he nodded his head again. He trusted Ian with everything, as unwise as it could be. But Don knew that he wouldn't betray Don's trust like that, especially since he knew how much trust meant to Don (which was ironic in a way). No matter how much of an ass Ian was or how skewed his morals were, he was dependable. It was one of the things Don loved about him.

"The only thing I see here is someone who went through one of the most traumatic things anyone could ever go through and somehow managed to end up intact on the other side". Don turned to face Ian, opening his mouth to protest but Ian shot him a glare. He instantly clamped his mouth shut, deciding to hear what he had to say.

"Don" he said gently, which was so uncharacteristic of him it almost gave Don a whiplash. "No one expected you to remain calm through all that. The fact that you managed to keep your head together, managed to fight back despite everything tells us more about your strength than anything else". Ian gave Don a smile, one that was full of love and devotion. For once, the sniper's walls were down. It caused Don to hold back tears. "No one I know would still be able to backtalk anyone after what that bastard did to you, let alone find a way to take him down at the last second. The fact that you held on for so long is…" Ian shook his head, admiration was written clear on his face, "nothing short of incredible."

Ian then gestured to the door where they knew a few people were walking around. "The team cares about you like you're their brother, your family loves you more than anything in this world, me and Coop…well you know how we are" Ian sounded somewhat sheepish at that last one. "Did you really think that we would leave you just because you got scared, just because you showed emotion? Do you really think we're that cruel?" Ian sounded a bit hurt at that and Don felt like he got the wind knocked out of him.

"No of course not!"

"Then you don't have to worry about anyone leaving. Trust me Eppes, you're not escaping us anytime soon, not for all the money in the world" Ian said, grinning. "And if you're worried about your leadership role, on whether or not people would still respect you and your authority, don't be. I know that the entire FBI office would still be willing to follow you until the ends of the earth if you said so, now even more so than ever."

"I…" Don had never felt so speechless in his entire life.

Ian went to clasp both of his hands on Don's, "So you see Eppes, the only one who thinks you failed here is you. The only one who expects absolute perfection from you is yourself. In fact, most of us wish that you would start cowering even more" Ian said as he let out a dramatic sigh, "your backtalk is really starting to shave years off of our lives."

Don couldn't help but snort at that. He had a feeling that everyone was screaming at him to shut up whenever he opened his mouth.

"You're already a strong man Don…" Ian whispered, "but you're not superman. No one expects you to be calm twenty-four-seven. You're allowed to have emotions. I mean, you never judged any of us when we came to you for our problems, why would the reverse be any different?"

Don opened his mouth to say because it's my job. He was always the one everyone relied on under high stress situations. He was the one his mother leaned onto in her deathbed, he was the one his family leaned onto when their mother died, he was the one agents turn to whenever there was an unexpected dangerous situation. He was there for two things, to take the brunt of everything because he knew he could handle the weight, and to protect the people around him. So if that meant jumping in front of every bullet that tried to go through one of his teammates or working nonstop for weeks on end so that everyone else could take a break, so be it.

But it seemed that Ian knew exactly what he was about to say because he shook his head, effectively silencing Don. "No it shouldn't be. Your job isn't to be a self-sacrificing idiot or to burn yourself out at the earliest opportunity. No, your job is to be you, to lead your team, make sure nothing gets fucked up. And by the looks of you, you've been doing a damn fine job at it."

Don let out an annoyed sigh. As much as his mind tried to fight it, logically, he knew Ian was right. Unfortunately, after years and years of self-loathing and thinking a certain way, the habit was difficult to break. "I…I understand what you're saying but a part of me still gets annoyed whenever you're right."

"Aren't I always?" he asked, grinning.

Don snorted as he rolled his eyes, not even dignifying that question with an answer. "That's the thing though. I don't think I can change. I mean, it's just so engraved into me, I'm…I'm afraid of what will happen if I let it go."

Ian gave Don a bright smile, one that never fails to charm him even well into their relationship. "You've already changed Don" he said. Don tried to protest but Ian shook his head, "the Don I knew from years ago wouldn't admit to any of that. Even when evidence was shoved in his face, he'd still stubbornly clamp up". Ian then let out an amused snort, "don't get me wrong, you still do that a lot, but you don't do it all the time. Sometimes, when hell decides to freeze over momentarily, you let us in."

"You know you always say the sweetest things" he replied sarcastically.

"And yet, it's the only way you'll listen to me."

Don winced, seeing the validity of that statement. "You know it wouldn't hurt for you to be wrong once in a while."

Ian let out an amused huff of laughter. "I'm pretty sure it would."

"Right, almost forgot that your ego is a central part of who you are."

Ian rolled his eyes, "You're being an ass, you know that?"

Don grinned, feeling a bit lighter than he was a few minutes ago. Huh…looks like this talking thing does work. He can't let Ian or anyone else know about it though, they will become insufferable. "What can I say? You always bring out the best in me."

"Damn right…" Ian grinned back, his smile now back to how it usually looks. All sharp edges and cocky confidence. "Well then, looks like my emotional quota for the year has been filled up" he muttered as he stretched his sore body.

Don was about to snipe back before he yawned, exhaustion pulling him in. Ever since he woke up, he hasn't really been sleeping well and it was starting to slowly affect him. "Go to sleep, Eppes" Ian said, "I can tell you haven't been sleeping well."

Don hesitated, "It's fine, I'm not that tired" he replied, shaking his head. He gripped the blanket that was pooling in his lap tightly, willing himself not to fall asleep. From his peripheral vision, he could see the metaphorical light bulb go off in Ian's head.

Ian squeezed his hand, "He's not going to haunt you again Don."

"And? How would you know that?"

"Because you're not going to be alone" Ian said as he leaned back into his chair, like he was getting ready to sleep as well. He lightly shook their intertwined hands, as if making sure that Don knew he was physically there.

"Are you really going to stay?" Don asked, hating how fragile and childish he sounded. But he needed that security. For once, he couldn't provide it himself.

"For as long as you'll have me Eppes" he replied, and Don was once again struck with how loyal the sniper was. For a man that everyone called a sociopath, he really was one of the most caring people that Don knew. It just took years and a lot of jackhammers to get to that mushy inside of his.

"You've changed too, you know" Don muttered as he leaned back, adjusting the pillows for the most comfortable sleeping experience, well about as comfortable as you can get on a hospital bed.

Ian froze as Don was settling in, a strange expression crossed his face. "Maybe I have…" he said, his tone wistful. "You always have a way of bringing out the best in people…" he whispered.

"I don't know about that" Don yawned, his eyelids getting heavier. Ian let out a small huff of amusement, twisting his body to the side so that he could run his fingers gently through Don's hair with his other hand.

"Sleep," he ordered, "we can argue about your importance later when you wake up."

"There's just no…winning…with…you…" Don managed to mumble out those final words as his eyes started to flutter, standing on the border between sleep and wakefulness.

"You think you'd learn that by now, you stubborn ass" Ian replied fondly, his fingers threading through Don's hair in such a soothing motion that it helped him fall asleep faster. But before he slipped into his dreamworld, he could hear Ian's last few words, ones that managed to bring him comfort as he sunk deeper into unconsciousness.

"You'll never be alone again, I promise."

A/N: Alright! Now that we got one half of the relationship arrow to talk, next is the other half. Don's not getting a break yet!