My Beautiful Doll
Warning: Nothing.
A/N: Hey! I don't have any life updates so this is going to be very short. But in essence, HOLY SHIT! We have one more chapter left in this bad boy and we're done. I'm going to save the long mushy stuff for next week but know that this is very surreal to me. I will miss this little fic when it's done.
Anyways, have a nice day!
Don knew he had the self-preservation instincts of a newborn baby. But, even he knew that now would be the best time to run away and pretend none of that happened. Unfortunately, with him stuck to the bed, the only thing he can do is try to salvage the situation. "Look buddy, I-"
"Don't buddy me" Charlie hissed, looking angrier then Don's ever seen him before. "I don't want you to protect me, I want the truth!". Don opened and closed his mouth, finding himself unable to speak. Billy had walked out right after Charlie barged in, probably to give them some privacy although he wished that he stayed, mostly because Don didn't think he had the capacity to deal with an angry Charlie alone. "Don…I've watched you time and time again shut yourself out from me, from Dad, from the team…everyone!" He exclaimed, his hands waving wildly. "You bury everything within you, hoping that no one ever sees…but I do."
That was like a punch in the gut for Don. He went through his memories, trying to find instances where his mask broke but came up empty. How? He made sure no one noticed, not even their parents.
As if reading his mind, Charlie answered. "It's because you never broke. There is no one in this world who holds themselves together like you, Don. Strong and calm no matter what. But then I saw what you had to deal with, what you had to face, saw that despite everything that happened you never faltered." Charlie hesitated for a moment, fumbling with the edges of his own shirt. "I've only been in your world for a year and I'm already overwhelmed. And I'm only doing the math here. I'm not the one responsible for the lives of others or a whole team of agents. I'm not the one everyone blames if something goes wrong. The thought of even getting blamed for something that big scares me." Then Charlie looked up, eyes brimming with tears as he got nearer, step by step. "But then I saw you take the blame for my mistakes, for the mistakes of other agents with no complaints, only a smile." Charlie took a deep shuddering breath, "you try so hard to protect everyone, you never thought about protecting yourself."
Don inhaled sharply. That's our core problem isn't it? Charlie with his strong need to find answers, Don with his strong need to protect everyone. He knew eventually these two beliefs would come toe to toe with each other, he just didn't realize it would be like this.
"You know I hoped that one day, you'd let me in. Hell! I would be okay if you let anyone in. But…you never did." Charlie started to pace around the room in agitation, clearly having an abundance of energy with no way of using it. Not in this small space. "I just want to know why? Why do you do this?"
Don sighed, not even sure if he could explain it and keep his dignity intact. "I…I have people counting on me Charlie" he said, trying to make sure to keep his own emotions out of it. "I can't do my job if I get emotional. These agents need a reliable leader."
"You're dodging the question and you know it" Charlie bit out. "I wasn't asking about why you're always calm, I'm asking why you never told anyone. Is it because you were afraid that we wouldn't respect you if we knew?"
Don couldn't help but flinch violently away, cursing himself for physically reacting. Charlie's expression changed as the realization hit him like a truck. Don had to look away, afraid of what he'll see in Charlie's eyes.
"Don…I don't think that there's anything in this world that would stop us from respecting you."
A dark look crossed his face as Charlie said that, an unpleasant memory popping up. One that featured his old mentor. Don knew that wasn't true, that there were things that he's done in the past that would warrant everyone losing respect for him. He had somewhat made peace with his precarious position. But this entire thing shook the foundations of it, threatening to send everything he's ever worked hard for crashing into the empty void below.
It seems that his face wasn't as obscured as he first thought because he could feel Charlie grab him by the arm, something that his brother almost rarely did. "Don…listen to me" Charlie said softly, his tone gentle but full of worry. "When…" he swallowed, "when Baker sent the recording to us, I was there to watch it as well."
Don's head shot up, eyeing his brother with fear. For the first time in his life, he was terrified of his own brother.
"Seeing him talk to you like that, seeing what he did…" Charlie shuddered as he closed his eyes, probably trying to keep the memories away. Don couldn't blame him, he would wipe his own mind clean if he could. "But, throughout it all…"
Don tensed, his shoulders bunching like he was waiting to be punched. Waiting for the bomb to drop.
"My respect for you only grew."
Don froze, certain that his expression was the very definition of shock.
"I watched you as you kept your head high through everything. I watched you as you fought back with everything you had. I watched you…" Charlie hesitated for a moment, "I watched you as you met his gaze head on through all that torture. I could tell some part of you was scared, but you didn't let that part of your emotions take over you. You didn't cower even if it would be easier. You chose the hard way, knowing how much it would hurt you but you did it anyway. All so you wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing you break in front of us, just so we wouldn't see you break, knowing it would send us down an even darker path…" Charlie then gulped as he looked down, wiping the tears from his face. "Knowing how much it would hurt us to see you broken," he whispered.
Charlie fixed him with his large watery eyes, eyes that never changed ever since they were young and Charlie had begged to sleep in his bed because he was afraid of the monsters in his room. Only this time, the monsters were real and Don had gotten hurt from them. "You're already the strongest man I've ever known, Don, sometimes even stronger than Dad, than the other agents I know. You don't need to be afraid of me thinking less of you for feeling emotions because there's nothing in this world that would change that." Charlie then got on his knees on the side of Don's bed, reaching out to grab his hand, squeezing them. If he was doing it to comfort Don or himself, Don wasn't sure. For once, he was clueless.
"Please…let me in, just a little bit" Charlie pleaded. "I- I just want to know beforehand if I'm going to lose my big brother…"
Instantly Don's older brother instincts kicked in as he shook his head, whispering soft sounds of disagreement as he schooled his expression into something more softer and gentler. "No…no, absolutely not". But looking at Charlie's unconvinced expression, he decided to do something different. He decided to pull Charlie up and shoved down the handlebars of the bed, forcing Charlie to sit next to him. After he did that, he did something he hadn't done in a long time.
He gently took hold of Charlie and hugged him tightly, gently placing Charlie's head over his chest where his heart is, something Don used to do back in the day when his brother ran to him, terrified of the night. "You'll never lose me buddy," he said gently. "This beating heart you hear, it's beating because of you, because of Dad, because of everyone in my life." He held onto Charlie a little tighter as he felt his brother's tears start to fall, wetting his hospital gown as the man gripped onto him like a lifeline. "Your guys are my reason to continue. I want you to know that no matter how dark my thoughts get, I'll never do it because I know I still have you guys to come home to." He ran his fingers through Charlie's curls, trying to soothe the now crying professor. "So, you don't have anything to worry about Chuck…I'll always be right here." No matter how much I want to disappear.
"Same goes for you Don" Charlie sniffled, causing Don to freeze. "Me, Dad, everyone…we'll always be there for you no matter what. So…don't hide from us again."
Don sighed, "I…I know. It's just that, it's a bit difficult to fully wrap my mind around it. I can't promise you anything" he warned.
"I'm not asking for a promise, Don. I just want you to know, that's all" Charlie whispered, his tone soft despite its trembling nature. "You don't have to change in a night. Statistically, that's an unrealistic expectation anyways and it's bound to crash. What is realistic is for all of us to take this slow. We know you won't change instantly, but we can find ways to accommodate this new information. No matter what, we'll help you Don. Now that I have you back, I-" Charlie flushed slightly red, realizing that he was being somewhat emotional. Don couldn't blame him though, he knew everyone's emotions were running high. "I don't want to lose you, not again. So…I hope that this is enough to make you stick around."
Don couldn't help but smile at this, one of his first true smiles he's had since he walked out of that god forsaken basement. He laughed warmly, feeling his chest start to loosen up, the warm tingly feeling he knew was love spread through him. I guess I was a bit of an idiot…he thought. He should've known that these people would stick around, no matter what. While that wasn't enough to keep everything at bay, that was enough to put some of his insecurities regarding his family to rest, at least for now. "Trust me, you're more than enough Charlie." Then he looked down at his brother, realizing that Charlie looked extremely tired, heavy bags under his eyes. He looked like he hadn't been sleeping in days. Suddenly, an idea struck. "Although…there is something you can do to make everything even better."
"What is it?" Charlie looked at him with wide eyes.
He pointed his chin towards Charlie's shoes. "Kick your shoes off and climb in, I'm not getting dirt on these sheets."
Charlie balked for a second before pulling away, his arms flailing. "I- I can't! I'm going to hurt you! And you'd be very uncomforta-"
"-Charlie" Don cut in, it's his time to do the talking now. "I can tell you're not sleeping well and it doesn't take a math genius to know it's because you're worried about me. Trust me, sleeping here would help us both."
"But what about you?"
Don rolled his eyes. "If I can suffer through your snoring and kicking all those years ago just fine, I'll survive one night with you in this cramped hospital bed."
"I don't snore," Charlie shouted, indignant.
Don glared. "Tell that to my ears. You're like a damn chainsaw sometimes. It's no wonder Dad never wanted to sleep in one room with you."
Charlie blinked. "Wait, are you serious?"
Don grinned in retaliation. "Ask Dad, he'll vouch for me. You'll have to really pressure him though."
"I-" Charlie hesitated. His expression looked like he was about to bolt. Don was about to ask him again when his phone rang. Looking down, he saw that it was messages from both Coop and Ian, telling him that they were called to get their statements collected. Another message from Dad told him that he would also be out for a while. As soon as he saw those two messages, dread settled in his gut. What started out as something that Don wanted to do to take care of Charlie turned into something a bit more desperate as he realized that he would be alone. "Don, I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I mean, that bed's very cr-"
"Look-" Don stopped himself for a second, his eyes flickering to the corner where the bastard usually pops up in his worst nightmares. He clenched his jaw as he forced out the next few words. "I-I sleep better when there's other people, okay? And with both Ian and Coop gone right now to get their statements and Dad coming here late…" Don looked away, feeling shame creep up on him for being such a child. Hah! An FBI agent who can't be on their own. What's next? An agent who can't look at a criminal without running?
"Oh…" Don could feel Charlie look at him, but he was too afraid to look back. So much for putting insecurities at ease. He should've known it wouldn't be this easy. He was still busy counting the threads on his blanket when he felt Charlie lightly push him to the side. "Scooch over, you've already taken half of the bed" he teased playfully, but there was a gentle undercurrent under it, something that Don recognized. It was the same tone he used on Charlie every time his brother came to him for his problems.
Don grinned, looking up to see Charlie looking at him with the same smile, no judgement in his eyes. "You saying I'm fat or something?"
Charlie put his hands up as he sat down, moving himself so that he was laying next to Don. "Hey, I'm not saying anything that could get me easily kicked off this bed."
"Wise choice" Don commented before looking at the television. "Hey, looks like it's poker night for someone."
Charlie's eyes brightened as he realized that. "Hey, did you know the statistics of…" Don rolled his eyes as he smiled fondly, seeing his brother gesture animatedly at the TV screen, spewing stuff that flew right over Don's head. Baker's wrong…they do care. And he'll make sure he cares too.
Alan walked through the hospital hallways towards Don's room, his hands full due to clothes and food. While Don is still on a strict hospital diet, everyone else wasn't. And judging by the increase in personal stuff that's accumulated in Don's hospital room, he had a feeling that the hospital foods were going to poison someone who wasn't a patient soon. It was nice to see his son's room full of people though, people who cared about him. While Don certainly had more friends than Charlie during their childhood, most of those friendships were shallow ones, built on the fact that Don's an athletic jock and nothing else more substantial. Alan had a feeling that that was another point of jealousy for Don. While Charlie didn't have many friends, the ones he did tend to run deep, a true emotional bond built on mutual respect and admiration instead of just trying to be cool. So to see his eldest son finally have people around him who liked him for who he truly is, forming his own emotional connections with people to the point where they would move heaven and earth for him like he does with so many people is nothing short of heartwarming.
You would've loved them, he thought to himself, speaking to the mental image of his late wife. He has grown so much. Alan could never find words to say how proud he was of Don, even if the man gave him most of his grey hairs.
Alan looked up to see Don's room, two officers on standby. Considering their situation, Alan was forever grateful for these people. Don might not know the current situation, but Alan had a feeling that he might find out soon. As much as Don tends to say that he's the 'dumber' brother, Alan knew that his son was highly intelligent in his own way. He wasn't really a fan of keeping this information from Don, unlike the team and Charlie. He had his own intuition and it told him that keeping the information from Don, no matter how well intentioned they were, was going to come back and bite them. Unfortunately, the majority won, even with Ian Edgerton and Billy Cooper to back him up. He just hoped that his intuition was wrong.
Alan nodded at the two officers before shoving the door open with his body. "Donnie, I-" he spoke out before clamping his mouth shut, smiling broadly at what he saw.
Don and Charlie were both on the hospital bed, completely sound asleep. Don had his one arm underneath Charlie's head, the hand in Charlie's hair as if he was in the middle of soothing him before Don fell asleep, the other wrapped up on top of Charlie in a clear protective embrace. Charlie himself was curled up, his head on Don's chest, following the rise and fall of Don's breathing, his one hand holding onto Don's hospital gown. Both of them looked to be sleeping soundly, definitely better than before.
Alan placed all the stuff on the table before going to the bed. He gently ran his fingers through both of his boys' hairs, smiling as he did. Charlie leaned into the touch unconsciously before going down to snuggle deeper into Don's chest. Don however froze, one eye opened sleepily. "Huh?"
"Don't worry Donnie, it's just me" he said soothingly. "I'm here now" at least I'm better now than I was before. Alan couldn't help but feel a little helpless, standing by as everyone tried to save Don. It seems that Don must've clocked in on these feelings as well because he gave Alan a tired but gentle smile.
"You always were, Dad…" he mumbled before his eyes closed again, his head tilted towards Charlie. "Always…love…you…"
Alan froze before chuckling softly, placing a gentle kiss on both of his sons heads. "I love you boys too," he said before going to the sofa to sleep. As he watched both of his sons slumber, he could feel the hope rise even higher within him. Looks like we'll all be just fine.
Coming from a father's intuition, the validity of that statement was as good as gold.
A/N: So...guesses as to what the secret is? Also, they're all finally taking a step in the right direction! It might be a long road (I know I'm ending it at chapter 45, but there's still like two more stories in the series so I'm not totally done) but it'll be worth it in the end.