CHAPTER SIX: LUST

"Lust is the thing of blood. Doesn't need a head or a heart."

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[Day 8︳Oct.24︳X784]

THE NEXT DAY, Moka had once again found it hard to reduce her hunger and appetite for blood. With each passing moment, she felt her anemia worsening yet stronger as her body longed for the crimson liquid. Her throat felt as if someone had set it ablaze. Heavy pants came and left through her mouth repeatedly. She could see her skin become whiter and whiter to the point where she could even see her veins. Moka could feel it. She was gradually suffering from her hunger and weakness.

The bizarre hunger within her painfully itched, screaming and clawing for a way to get out.

"Blood."

The word echoing in her head made her eyes snap open.

"Flesh..."

Of course, she couldn't forget the important rule of being a vampire. Vampires were known to crave the blood of the living; without the source of blood, they would be susceptible to death. That's exactly how Moka was feeling as of now. One millisecond closer to death.

But would death be such a bad thing?

That was the only reasonable question she wanted to ask.

No. Moka already knew the answer to that. From her perspective, she was already dead, even if she wasn't physically. Even if she were to die again, she'd only find herself in another hell. There didn't have to be hellfire; every horrid thing that happened to her already served as it. In this world, she wasn't free. She was imprisoned and continuously rotting away day by day. Anyone could say a million words as much as they wanted, but it wouldn't bring her back. Moka knew because Tsukune had tried. It was blissful to hear his words in her ears during her last moments, but it wasn't enough to save her.

~Flashback~

"I don't want to... disappear...I want to...with you...forever and ever...Tsukune..."

Once their kiss was over, Tsukune gently embraced the vampiress to his chest. "Don't worry...I'll always be by your side..."

"Tsuku..." His name never got to leave her lips, for she had taken her last and only breath. The heart that beat a few times within her chest completely stopped. Her hand that rested on his shoulder fell lifeless beside her body.

~End Flashback~

Of course. How could Moka forget about that very moment?

Moka could still feel the tentacles pierce through her chest and the rosary. It was a ghostly feeling, but she could still feel the sharp pain digging into her skin and blood bubbling in her throat.

If Moka was being honest, she was never a firm believer in a god. In fact, she cared little for god, which merely reminded her of her initial hatred for humans; why worship a man so cruel and unforgiving? Better yet, why worship a man at all? It just made little sense. If there were a god, he would've done everything in his power to end the suffering she endured from her childhood to junior high and prevent the blond man from violating her. So as far as Moka was concerned, there was no god and that night only proved that to her.

But there was one thing Moka did believe in.

Fate.

Moka always believed things happen for a purpose, but she never thought there was a higher power. The day she met Tsukune for the first time and all those moments they shared gave her a reason to believe in fate.

However, while her belief in fate was strong, she knew and understood that it could be cruel as it could be twisted. To her pain and sorrow, she wasn't given the option to die permanently in her beloved Tsukune's arms and rest in peace. Unfortunately for Moka, her soul didn't get to rest. Instead, she had to wake up in a world that didn't belong to her and didn't want. That fateful night that her maidenhood was forcibly taken from her had made her wish she fell into an eternal slumber and never awoken from it. It would be better than the life given to her by force.

No.

Moka wasn't going to do that. Finally getting the luxury to rest in eternity sounded euphoric to her, but sadly it was unaffordable for people like her. Dying was out of the question.

Life was one of her second choices.

The existing determination to live silently burned in every part of her body. Even if she was dead inside, she still wanted to live. Moka wanted to consider the possibility that she was dead and secretly in hell, or maybe she was alive and in hell. Her vampiric urges flared up intensely as she continued to stare down her sole target for hunger.

But in harsh reality, she was alive and not in the deep levels of the abyss.

In her mind, Moka felt like she was thrown into an eternal void of grief and sorrow with no way to escape it. A hole continuously sucking her in deeper and deeper until the light faded into darkness. For her, being stuck between wanting to sleep or stay awake forever was like being chained and trapped in limbo.

Heavily entangled in her thoughts of despair, Moka barely noticed a small rodent-like creature crawling a few feet away from her face. Her hunger grew stronger as she eyed the small creature that sniffed and roamed innocently about in the shack. Her eyes turned red as the vile, but sweet scent of the rodent hit her nostrils.

Out of the blue, pictures flashed in her head: torn skin, nails driven into the flesh, blood splashing on the ceiling, her face buried into the oozing, squishy depths smelling of slaughterhouse… Thoughts invade her head. They were so intense they made her want to flee in terror. If only Moka could run faster than the wind, jump on the walls, climb the rooftops, and soar like a ghost, but no matter how fast she ran, there was no way of escaping these pictures. These moving pictures in her head.

Moka had experienced nothing like this before, from her thirst for blood. She didn't understand why this was happening, but it was both strange and scary at the same time. She knew she was anemic for a long time due to not consuming blood. Her symptoms of anemia confirmed that. People who are anemic most often experience fatigue. While it's normal to feel tired after a long day or a heavy exercise session, when one is anemic, they feel weary after shorter and shorter periods of exertion as their bodies' cells become starved for oxygen.

Moka's paled hand unconsciously and shakily reached over the small animal as it tried to move away in fear for its life. Luckily, her thumb and index finger managed to quickly pinch hold of its slender tail before it could scramble away. Sitting up, she held the tiny creature up by the base of its tail to her face and stared it down as if it were beneath her like filth. The rat desperately struggled to pull free from her tight grasp and was in discomfort as it realized they had fallen into the trap of a giant person and may never see the light of day again.

Instead of devouring the strange-looking rodent she intended, Moka took her time to examine it. It had orange fur with long tails, tips just like its ears, and brown polka-dots on its body. In the Monster World, there were a lot of rare creatures she had seen that wouldn't exist in the universe of humans. Anyone could easily discover creatures that looked like this in her universe of monsters. However, to her surprise, she hadn't seen one of them before.

Her fangs grew longer and sharper as her craving for the delicious red fluid grew fiercely to where she felt she could longer contain herself.

"Go on." encouraged the voice. "Don't hesitate. Do it."

Moka shook her head, trying to quiet down the voice in her head. Rather than obey the voice's orders, she cupped the rat in the palm of her dirty hands. She gazed down at the little critter who looked up at her with curiosity in its innocent eyes. As much as her body desperately yearned for flesh and blood, she couldn't bring herself to take the life of an innocent creature to quench her thirst. Moka winced at the thought of consuming its blood into her lips. Its death would be slow and painful. She could practically see the scenario playing out in her head. Her fangs locked down and sank deeper and deeper into its skin, thrashing violently to stay alive. Blood would continue to drain from its frail form until its body system stopped functioning completely and it was nothing more than a bony and skinless corpse. It would greatly pain her to brutally slaughter the little critter that desired nothing more but to live a peaceful life in their natural habitat. A part of her wished she hadn't done so, but the other part of her argued it was for her survival.

It doesn't deserve to suffer from her hunger for blood.

It was only an innocent little animal.

Finally coming to a decision, she lowered her hand to the floor and allowed the small rodent to scatter away free. "N-No." she objected, standing up. Moka grabbed the cape that lied on the wooden floor and put it around her shoulders, tying the front strings together. "I've got something better..." She placed the hood over her head and walked out of the shack. "Something that'll make us both happy."

A rancid but deliciously sweet scent wreaked havoc on her sensitive nostrils. A foul smell would typically make any person, monster or human abruptly cover their nose and flee in terror. Not just the smell, but the grisly sight itself. Five fallen corpses remained in the same spot where she took off, still dismembered from limb to limb and slowly rotting away. But, much to her disgust and concern, they had company this time. Company she wouldn't want to be near or have to lurk around her home if she had one. Maggots unceasingly devoured their bodies and organs from the inside, flies swarming around due to their attraction to the horrible aroma. The sight itself was enough to make her flesh crawl. But not Moka. In her eyes, it was like a huge buffet that awaited her and she would only be foolish to turn her back on this golden opportunity, especially when it was in front of her.

Shakily picking up a limb, Moka wrinkled her nose and covered her mouth, repulsed from looking at the bugs eating away at the dead flesh.

Moka was a monster herself, but it didn't mean she wasn't allowed to have fears. During her time living in the Human World, she came to learn that everyone has something they're afraid of, whether they are a human or a monster. Believe it or not, Moka always had a huge fear of bugs and spiders, especially. To be honest, she feared spiders more than she did bugs. Bugs and spiders significantly differ from one another. Bugs are innocent, yet annoyingly disgusting pests that aimlessly wander about in the owners' houses. Spiders, on the other hand, aren't the same as bugs. They are neither classified as bugs nor insects, but a class of their own. Arachnids. Spiders were seen as nothing more than tiny eight-legged pests that simply just existed. But in reality, they were far more like predators than pests. That was one thing she had in common with spiders.

As a vampire, Moka was well aware she was an apex predator herself, but not psychologically. To her shame and disgust, however, she was a prey. Not just psychologically, but physically. Who was she fooling, anyway? She was no stranger to being a prey.

"N-No! Please, don't! I'm begging you! Stop!" she begged, only to have her mouth covered by his hand.

"Don't worry. It'll hurt for a moment." The man smirked and immediately slammed himself inside her, causing the girl to scream in agony.

She tightly shut her eyes as the pain repeatedly came in her lower region with every thrust.

Memories of her innocence being taken away from her flooded her mind, causing her face to harden. 'There was...more I could've done to stop it...' she pondered emotionlessly. The more she thought about that damned night, the more she hated and blamed herself. Inner Moka would be ultimately disgusted with her for allowing herself to fall prey to a mere human. Moka could just hear her deep voice harshly tearing into her for being so weak and feeling sorry for herself.

'You're not seriously planning on consuming blood from these bodies, are you?' interjected the voice, shattering her thoughts. 'Do you not understand the consequences of what you're about to do? As a vampire, I thought you surely knew the dangers of consuming blood from the dead.'

Moka's eyes remained focused on the limb she held her hands. "Yeah, I know. But for now...it's for the best." With her mind already made up, she sunk her fangs into the dead flesh.

Beads of sweat crawled down her face as the sun shined brightly on the crowded town she walked through. Moka wasn't afraid to admit it again; she was starting to despise hot weather with a passion. But at the same time, she knew the heavy cloak on her shoulders was causing her to burn up so much. The intense heat made her want to desperately remove it. However, the cloak was the only piece of clothing she had; if she were to take it off with millions of people around in a public place, she would be committing a crime she could never outlive for the rest of her life. Indecent exposure.

Her thoughts were broken when a strong shoulder collided with hers, causing her to fall to the ground. A painful hiss left her lips when her knee roughly made contact with the hard ground. Pulling her knee to her to check for any damage, Moka groaned in frustration at the bleeding already leaking from her skin.

"Crap! Sorry about that." spoke a familiar male voice that she longed to hear. A firm, but soft hand then touched her shoulder, giving her a warm and fuzzy feeling. "Are you alright?" The first thought that came to mind was her beloved Tsukune, but then she remembered...

'He's not here. He can't be...' Brushing his hand off, Moka quickly ran away into the crowd.

"H-Hey, wait! Come back!" called the stranger, stepping forward, ready to go after the hooded girl. "Where you goin?!"

"Natsu!" shouted a female voice from afar. The stranger, now known as Natsu, turned to find his kind, yet superficial blonde friend and his blue cat waiting for him. "C'mon! We need to catch the train to Hargeon Town for this job or we'll miss it."

Torn between the choices of going after the strange girl and tagging along with his friends, Natsu glanced through the crowd the girl disappeared in before snapping his head in Lucy's direction. "Alright! Right behind ya!" he shouted back, jogging up to the pair. As they continued their walk to the train station, the dragon slayer glanced back at the spot where he bumped into the girl. He wasn't sure if he had lost his sense of smell or not, but he could've sworn he picked up on the scent of blood from her. But to his confusion, it smelled rotten. "Who was that?" For some reason, he felt like he met her from somewhere. He felt a spark surging through him when her skin came in contact with his own.

There was darkness surrounding her as she lay there, helpless. She felt nothing. She couldn't feel anything. Pain, sorrow, or happiness. She couldn't feel any of those things. All she felt was...the cool air hitting her skin. Everything around her seemed to feel like a breeze. Moka's eyes fluttered open. She shot straight up, seeing that she was somewhere else. Everything around seemed peaceful. Long grass growing with flowers, roses, and tulips. Oddly, the sky was a darker shade of red, the red moon shimmering its light. Despite the scenery looking slightly demonic, the surrounding atmosphere seemed like a paradise. "So you've awoken." said a soft, angelic voice, ringing in her ears.

She heard footsteps coming closer behind her. She looked behind her to see a girl around her age with long, flowing pink hair, green eyes and-wait a minute...

Moka's eyes widen, shocked by what she saw before her eyes. "You're...me?!"

The person looked exactly like her!

Frightened by what she witnessed, she moved her arms around, hoping it could be her reflection in a mirror. What even shocked her more was that her supposed reflection didn't mimic her actions as she expected. Her "reflection" only tilted her head, an emotion of addle drawing to her face. "Um...I know you're probably wondering if I'm your reflection, but I'm afraid I'm not what you think I am." giggled her other self.

Moka gazed at her replica, an audible gasp escaping from her lips. "No way. You just talked to me."

However, her counterpart only stayed calm and collected. "Indeed, I did," she answered.

"Whoa...I never thought I would come across another doppelganger sooner in my life." she stated, observing her replica.

"I'm no doppelganger, either," she answered.

The vampire stared at herself, her mind becoming unbalanced with confusion. "Then...what are you, if you're not my reflection or a doppelganger? Are you my conscience, or something?"

With a warm smile, her supposed conscious held her hand out to her. "Give me your hand."

Moka felt unsure of trusting this apparent offer and only gazed at it. She knew if she made this move, it could result in serious misfortune. But then again, she might make the right move. Putting all of that aside, she placed her hand inside her other self's hand.

Relaxing her hand into the other Moka's hand, she stared through her eyes. A few seconds after staring, she felt the grip on her hand tighten more and more that it was starting to feel painful. "Let go! You're hurting me!"

The other Moka tilted her head in confusion, that sweet smile still on her face. "Hurting you?" she repeated, the sound of distress playing in her voice. "I'm not hurting you." she replied, smiling.

But in the real Moka's eyes, that wasn't a smile of delight...it was a smile of insanity. Betrayal and pure evil. "Seriously?! Who are you?!" she demanded as she struggled free from the painful grip.

"Who am I? I thought you've already figured it out." her other self answered. Moka hissed in pain as her other self's nails dug into her hand, that it was even drawing blood. She gasped when she suddenly felt herself fall to the ground. She quickly took a look at her hand and sure enough, she found nail marks seeping out with blood. Seeing a shadow falling cover her hand, she looked up to see the other her looming over her. Her sadistic smile was still on her face, her hand dripping with her blood. "As you said..." She raised her hand in front of her. "...you."

"What?"

She then watched the reflection transform into the one thing she never wanted to become...

"No!" cried a terrified Moka, shooting up in cold sweat. She took a look at her surroundings and let out a sigh of relief. As expected, she was still hiding out in the same rickety shack.

"Her hair...it turned white..." she mumbled. "Just like Ura..." she said, referring to the inner side of her. "So...that's what she meant..." she whispered. "Wealth of power...gifted power of the Shinso bloodline," Moka murmured, staring down at her hand. She turned her hand over, opening and closing it several times, expecting anything to happen like yesterday. As she continued doing this, she waited for her nails to become claws and her skin to turn red. Nothing happened. Her nails remained the same, her skin its original tone.

She was transforming into some monster, but she woke up before she could even get a chance to see it. The last thing she saw was a mass of beautiful white hair that flowed gracefully above her shoulders. "I-Is it only a dream...or is it real?" After witnessing everything unfold with her body, Moka genuinely didn't want to consider the possibility that her nightmares had slowly become part of her reality. "Is it possible? Is it really possible for me to transform into some horrifying monster?" She wouldn't believe it. She refused to accept any of it. It's not possible.

But little did she know that her nightmares already became part of her reality.

TO BE CONTINUED