Chapter 12:
Lonely
[Recommended Music: Hollow Light, Muv-Luv.]
Clinks and clanks veer fast in the cramped space, soon overflow it all. Small beeps come from the reading equipment, yet one in particular comes up as blank as the walls of the sanitized room.
"Heartrate is normal, no oddities in any scan thus far," so calmly reports nurse Homura, fingers gently undoing the bindings of the fortified suit. "However, the records show quite the strain in his muscles. Hmm-mmh, they are all very stiff yet. I cannot imagine what was coursing through his mind to end in this state," she says slow, slightly bending more over the body, to remove the chin mike and armor, to hide the slow sweep of her tongue over her bottom lips.
"Isumi, I believe I had told you to watch him carefully?" Kouzuki asks in a whisper to her comms, eyes tight and unblinking, standing tall and in attention.
Her subordinate is the opposite on the other side of the line, save the still burning eyes as she carefully removes her suit in solitude.
"I did just that, ma'am. However, his reaction time was like nothing I've seen. Before I knew it he was by the Forts and-"
"Excuses create no solutions, Captain," she cuts off dry. "You were present in the training to prevent this kind of outcomes. Rather than berate him as the records indicate, why did it take you so long to direct everyone to halt the Forts' advance?"
"Sigh. It is linked to my petition, ma'am. I attempted to parley and use reason, even if that vanished during his assault. It is unheard of for a pilot to deal with so many Forts, unless we're now heeding the boasts of the IRG. In any case, please do go over his recordings. I will bear any punishment you deem fit, but please look after Shirogane's condition. His words do not belong with someone so young, XO."
"Did- Did he say anything out of place?"
"No, he roared that he would not be a coward twice. Yet I saw nothing of the sort in the battle, his conduct all throughout it was marvelous. And, even if too reckless, I cannot do anything but surrender to the veracity of his words on your OS's performance. Even if not hypnotherapy, I advice to keep his mental health under surveillance."
"Hmm. I knew he had white knight tendencies but this is a new one," she says, sighing and lowering the edge. Seeing the nurse stepping towards her, Kouzuki briefly dismisses Isumi before hanging up. "So, how is he?"
"Besides some muscular strain, there is nothing odd with the pilot's condition, ma'am. I already applied what meds I thought were best for his readings, I believe he will be fine. There is one oddity, however," she admits with a heavy sigh, frowning slightly. "His brainwaves are coming up empty, and nothing I did could get the machine to work properly."
"What? But if that's the case then-"
"Please, calm down," a hand raises as gently as the voice, as the gaze Homura sends back to the soldier. "It isn't any damage to his cranium, his readings would indicate such otherwise. I believe the machine is simply malfunctioning and he will wake up in some hours, at worst."
"I see," Kouzuki says, folding her arms, eyes not moving from that shape. "Keep watch over him, Homura. If he doesn't wake up and his brainwaves do not return by 1200 hours send me a mail, I'll have him moved elsewhere."
"Oh… Very well, I shall take good care of him, ma'am," she says with a salute.
"And in case he awakens," Kouzuki steps forward, tone dropping a guillotine, "you are not authorized to make idle talk nor ask any questions."
"I was not intending on asking anything regarding the mission or-"
"You know what I mean, Homura. He is off limits."
"Aww… Understood, XO. I shall employ restrain," the woman rolls her eyes, playing with a twintail. "He seems like someone who went through some harsh experiences, however. I cannot help but be," an edge of her bottom lip is nibbled, so is the palm of her free hand, "curious about what wisdom his tales could share."
"Did I stutter, Homura?"
"No, you did not, ma'am," she salutes, petrifying her expression back to poker. "I will limit myself to my duties, you've been clear enough."
Kouzuki nods, taking a glance at the current images and sounds on display for memory, then at the lazy raise and collapse of his chest. Completely at ease, save for a few fingers stiff at weird angles, except for the scrunched up features compressed amidst bars. For the moment, Shirogane was fine. That one blank monitor however pulls at her, and compels Kouzuki to return to the theory she was working on in haste. Nodding one final time to the nurse, she turns around and takes a hurried leave that would make her prior sports car proud.
"…Just when I found one interesting guy, too," Homura pouts, shoulders sagging once she's alone in the infirmary.
Slowly pacing back to the bed, a single finger rubs the arms then the chest as she again leans onto the soldier, licking her lips.
"Well, don't you worry… Shirogane, was it? I'll take very good care of you on your visits here. That ashen expression tells me we'll be seeing each other lots in the coming months, hehehe. I wonder just how far more can your eyes twitch and tighten…"
"I'm done for, I can't feel my legs anymore…"
It's so dark, so scary, so smokey.
Hard to breathe, to move, to see.
To reach any one of them.
"H-Her vitals are still stable, Major! Just- Only some time, please. Does anyone reads me?! Wardog Six here, does anyone copy?!"
It's so dark and scary, buried between mounds of ash and tears.
Hurts to wade through, heels burning at the mere push off the ground.
At every wasted second, every wasted prayer denied an answer.
"…Did you hear that, 1st Lt Shirogane? I don't want to send anyone to the frontlines, but I can't stop anyone who volunteers."
But you cannot live with fear, can we? Capitalizing on every opportunity is a precious skill to have, is it not?
Even if the dice keeps rolling you ones time and again, the snake's eyes lunging incessantly. Even as you drown in lemonade tsunamis.
Future is gone, time exists solely to be wasted away. That is why, the shadows are scary. An impregnable veil no progress can penetrate, no matter the effort.
"Cough! H-Hey, come on, now… Do not cry. You're a man, are you not, 1st Lieutenant?"
No matter how far you run through this endless wasteland, how long you stretch your hands through the thickets of smoke. Even when your neck and back begin to pulse due to exertion, shoulders cracking more than defense lines against an incursion.
"This is the only thing… a dead soldier can do!"
No matter how you tell the tale inside and outside, how much you idle your time elsewhere to make a 'profitable' use of it.
"I-It buuuurns! U-Ugaaaah!"
The curtain is falling, soon, closer.
"I'm sorry, Mama… Your garden is… all dried up now…"
You can see it coming, darkening all around.
And seeing the silent answers to your efforts collapsing in shocks should be enough, isn't it?
In front of the towering, scary shadow that looms over, what it is that you can do?
Rushing against hordes of gore, ending up alone after blinding darkness claims truth for itself.
Leasing your leash to another, all to see those dear to you no longer even are.
Isn't that a reward, in the end? You did your job, mister hero.
"Coward."
Why turn and toss? Why swim against the current? Jumping out makes you a target, rushing in counter risks you hitting the rocks and flooding.
And yet the hands keep reaching out.
Will you sniff toxins and allow the smoke to morph dread into blind bliss?
"…Pull the trigger, Takeru."
If it still stings, if it still hurts, if anything at all stirs inside then maybe it is not yet too late. Although painful the tossing may be, trapped in the typhoon with the winds blowing in all directions your way. Even as the heart ricochets all over ribs in pinball, just as life hands its cards mercilessly to the soldier.
…Yet the game is rigged. But the pitless groans tell he already knows that, almost scorched into the skin by this point. Such pointless hope, to cling to a 'what if' when aware of what is to come and in which order.
But those hands keep reaching out, to those stumbling below a lightpost, those burning within the school, those fading in hospitals.
To know what's ahead, and still refuse to give in to the rapids. Foolishly cowardly, if the last skirmish shows anything. However, for the soldier, there is one mercy within all this smoke, all these loops.
Such a familiar path… You've landed in this spot before, haven't you?
"…Takeru-san? Takeru-san!"
For even against the gentle rocking, the small comfort only contrasts the constriction within. Amorphous black is all young Yashiro can discern, sensing only that he is there, somewhere in a dream. That poor little bun endures valiantly the arachnid shackles that bite upon her fingers as those Soldier-Class do upon his limbs within a broken mirror, a lost road. Holding her breath, young Yashiro starts messing with his face, pulling his lips until they almost pop, poking his cheeks with the same speed he would during a combo. Shaky, shaky, shaky pulls and groans she forwards as if kneading a pizza, the cackling shiver of dark crayon regressing slightly to the mechanical repetition.
Thankfully for Shirogane, his eyelids begin to twitch and lift off before the assistant decided to attempt the whack-a-mole approach to her waking duties. Young Yashiro steps away, slowly blowing air at her palms once she sees him stirring to wakefulness.
Rolling to a side, hands roam around and find no cover. Yet it's not very cold, yet it is very stiff. Not an ounce of softness beneath, besides, nothing to wrap unto a hug. No matter how far the hands rustle they find no fruit for their search save for the rough cushy sensation which was not a bed. Fingers reach for the back of the head, rubbing the rebel hair and finding no pillow to dive into and something clinging to his scalp. Granted no cloak nor sheets, Shirogane stiffly stirs in place as he groans and yawns at the same time.
"…Takeru-san, can you hear me?" a soft voice beckons, softer is the rocking of the shoulders.
"Hm? Ka… sumi? Ugh…" Can't move… Feel so heavy…
"Takeru-san, please, do not go back to sleep," she insists as he falls to the pillow once more, shaking a bit more.
A momentary battle ensues, tiny shaking hands against the stiffening lull in the back of his head and muscles. With the slowness of sunrise his eyelids lift the curtain along another, longer yawn as he rubs his neck.
"Uff, man… W-Where am I?" he asks, eyes blinking but seeing only shrouded white.
"We're in the medbay near the Professor's office," she whispers, sitting besides the bed.
"…I see. Kasumi," slowly tilting his head to see her, for a moment he remains silent. Coughing slow, Takeru then tries to raise his torso at the least, "I was- the mission- what happened to-"
"Please, lay down," she insists, a hand softly pushing his chest until he's fully resting again. "First, how are you feeling?"
"Heavy… Legs are stiff, throat sore. Head's killing me…"
"How many fingers do I have here?"
"…Four."
"Hmm… Your perception seems to be normal… Can you stand?"
"…I think," he inhales, tensing his abs and pushing. Slowly, he sits up, seeing he's in standard medical garb. "Where's my suit?"
"Stashed. It doesn't look like you suffered any injuries… but you weren't waking up."
"I see… Wait, what is-" his fingers poke at his forehead, that then furrows in a groan. "Kasumi, is this a headband?"
"Oh. You know of it?"
"Yeah… My world's Sensei used it to scan my brainwaves or some shit back home, when she was trying to iron out her microwave."
"…Excuse me but, what has your brain to do with fast food? Also, I had believed ironing was applied to clothing and not machinery?"
"Ha… Not like that, you silly," he tries to chuckle, it is more of a dry cough. "I meant her causality scanner of whatever. She gathered data on how the highway affected me, and those around me with it. Did… something happen to me? Why am I wearing this?"
"I could not sense your color when you arrived," she notes, shoulders compacting when scanning again. Sighing as she clearly sees him, even if hearing is glitching. "Your brainwaves were not coming up on the readings."
"…I see." Where have I heard that before? I feel like… that happened and was important… Ugh, head's too dizzy. Can't remember.
"Please, do not force yourself," she reminds, softly rubbing a shoulder when his features grow tight. "Would you like something to eat or drink?"
"No, don't feel like eating…"
"The Professor said you should eat when you woke up," she says, pointing to a tray nearby, half filled with food. "Even if not feeling it at the moment, you need to keep your nourishment into account."
"For real, I don't have an appetite."
"…It's still warm. I brought it here myself."
Fuck, when did you learn the Guilt Trip passive? Sensei, what are you teaching the little bun? "Sigh… If you insist."
Accepting his usual cup of coffee from the assistant and the tray, Shirogane sits proper and straightens his garb. After some checks in a laptop nearby, young Yashiro removes the headband off him, allows the rebel hair free reign. For a brief moment, he eats and tries to recall what was the last thing to happen, failing to do so and earning a small twinge of pain below his ears. While rubbing them he notices young Yashiro was staring his way, flapping her bunny ears then.
"What?"
"The yellow is not back…" she sourly comments, shoulders slumping.
"Oh… Yeah, I ain't feeling particularly well, Kasumi. The mission… was a failure, wasn't it?"
"No, that's not it," she says, nodding. Before shivering as blue and dark mix together, his thoughts obscuring once more.
"No need to pity me. I can tell when a mission goes down the drain, we lost three Valkyries and I almost died too… God, I'm such a failure. Every time, every damn time someone needs me I let them down in the worst way possible…"
"Takeru-san, the mission was not a failure," young Yashiro insists, edging closer to the scary scary crayon cloud of dark. "The BETA capture was successful, and without any casualties. The STF was extracted without being noticed as well."
"…Then why am I here? I crashed myself while attempting a diversion, after we had lost three Valkyries," he sighs, clawing at his knees, shaking. "If merely surviving was a success, then Babylon would have been sung praises by everyone."
"Ah, err… My apologies. I did not intend to minimize your grieving. It's only that, compared to other missions I've seen, this result was rather satisfactory considering the odds."
"…That so," is all Takeru gives, proceeding to eat in silence and leaving the clock to tick tock its way into young Yashiro's ears as much as the dark and blue swirls into her eyes. "How long was I out?"
"Since early morning. It's about 1600 hours, at the moment," she says, pointing to the clock.
"Huh… Longer than I thought. Guess I still have some getting used to do for my old acrobatics… So, are there any checks left to do or should I go write an after-action?"
"No, all checkups are over and done with. I employed your suit and unit's recordings to craft your own report. I hope you do not mind?"
"Thanks, Kasumi," he says, sighing and smiling briefly. "So what now?"
"Oh, yes. The Professor said to notify her when you woke up. I'll go bring her here, your fatigues are in the drawers there," she says, pointing to a corner of the room as she stands.
Simply watching the assistant deposit the headband into a small case then carry both it and her laptop under an arm, Shirogane returns the waving before she departs. Takeru clenches a hand, bringing it to eye level, admiring the red spots miring it. After another moment of silence, outward one at the least, he then slowly finishes his meal.
It tastes of nothing. It weights like everything all at once.
Enduring the pulls to evacuate yesterday's breakfast, slowly he changes back to his usual attire, poking his head through the tanktop just as the door opens again.
Revealing ice cry spears enough to moisturize the air of the narrow medbay, compressed in their staring. "So it looks as if you are uninjured, I believe?"
"…Yeah. There's only some soreness in my arms, nothing serious," he simply says in monotone, sitting hard onto the bed. "Lay it on me, XO. How bad was it?"
"Bad does not do justice to the results, Shirogane," she slowly begins, remaining standing, staring down in blizzard. "You had said your OS was the solution necessary to deal with heavy BETA counts, and that your awesome piloting would display all of its lauded laurels. All I've received in this mission are two casualties, one pilot in the ICU, and you getting sent to medbay after almost committing suicide. You'd understand, this is not what we had agreed beforehand."
"…So is Eiko-san not gonna make it?"
"You saw it happen firsthand. What do you think, mister time diver? Supposedly, you possess ample knowledge of this war that I need not hold your hand on such topics. Are you going to pointlessly cling onto the hope she can resume her duties without her lower body in working order?"
"…Fuck this shit," eyes closing down in guillotine, he punches the bed, enough to shake it audibly.
"Shirogane, kindly stop this. We do not possess the luxury-"
"-to waste time grieving the departed, I know, XO. Let me feel like shit for a second, alright? I know damn well how much I fucked this up, okay? God, why is it always the same?"
"…Do I truly need to remind you how harsh the war against the BETA is?"
"I'm not talking about that. Last time this same outcome happened, and me being there changed fuck all… Siiigh…" Always the same, always too late…
Young Yashiro pulls at Kouzuki's sleeves, shaking her head upon the enshrouding dark crayon cloud. The scientist nods and pets the silverish hair, allowing some seconds to pass. With an eye on the swerve of the clock she then clears her throat, stepping closer and folding her arms.
"You had your minute. Chin up, soldier."
He only raises halfway above the tide. "…What should I know of the mission?"
"I believe Yashiro already informed you of what was necessary. I, on the other hand, must clarify some matters with you, Shirogane. You had said your methods would bring about victory yet it was quite the opposite. Isumi was very critical of your actions, you know?"
"She… was?"
"What do you expect? Disobeying orders, breaking formation for selfish tactics, and almost dying in the process. If she hadn't kept watch over you, we would not be having this conversation. Which, let me remind," she slows down, frowning frost at him, "was against our accord. You have not yet tuned the zero."
"I only acted as I deemed fit, to cause a diversion and stall the Forts was what I thought was best to allow us escape."
"And we were lucky no one noticed your presence, even if the supposed state in which you left the Forts will bring forth an investigation. I assume, a small mercy that Daikuuji and Tamano were vaporized. Thankfully, at least your heroics allowed enough time to forcefully shoot Higurashi's S-11 to leave no traces of our presence there. However," she stops, narrowing eyes and posture, tone brimming to venoms, " certainly you can see how much you endangered the mission? You should know the UN cannot mobilize without express authorization of the host nation, to be found out would equal perhaps a termination of my project."
"And what did you expect me to do?! I pulled out my A game to get us out there ASAP and that still wasn't enough…"
"Well, perhaps this is a sign. Perhaps your supposed forewarnings are not as accurate as you presented them as."
"Wait, what?" the words leave slowly, as slow as he gazes up in slackness into the ice for eyes. "Sensei, I am being-"
"Vice Commander."
"Fine, whatever. I didn't lie in anything I said! Do I need to show you more memories again?"
"No, I don't need you cherrypicking edge cases to beguile me further, no."
"H-Hey, come on… I'm not deceiving you!"
"Then where are the results you promised, hmm? I seem to have missed them altogether much as Daikuuji and Tamano's presence in the team, perhaps Higurashi still has her legs and I didn't notice too… What is it? No more words to offer, mmh? Chin up, rebuke me if you can… I'm waiting… If you won't then, please, do allow me. Ahem… Your savior OS is lacking, your awesome piloting didn't make any difference, Isumi harbors doubts on the usefulness of both your OS and doctrine, we lost three Valkyries, and according to Marimo your squadron is more dysfunctional now than before you arrived. So allow me to remind," she slowly tilts her back, dusk falling over completely, "I do not do charity. Should your promised spoils not begin to show soon, we will have to revise our agreement."
"Wait… a second, Sen- Vice Commander. I gave you your theory, didn't I? Isn't that proof enough of what I've told you? T-That's enough to-"
"Shirogane," she dismisses, shaking her head, "so far, what you've said has been lacking clear backing. You claim I would not finish the theory, but that is merely your account."
"Oh, come on! Are you telling me my prior loops are not real then?!"
"To me, they are not," she asserts, immovable. "I possess no proof they did happen, besides your words. If they lose credibility, everything you've said might as well be a castle in the clouds."
"Well, but… Wait. I predicted the BETA would move out, with pinpoint precision! Humanity cannot predict what they ever do. That should be proof enough!"
"…Perhaps. Howver, you had said this outcome was what had happened before, without you. Why is it you did not make any difference? Perhaps, your abilities are not what you initially presented them as?"
"B-But I truly fought as best as I can as of now!"
"And I'm telling you, neither Isumi nor me believe you're anything special," she comments, dry as the sideglance, as his throat. "Perhaps you're not everything you've promised, a conduit for causality could divert fate from its predetermined course with your supposed accumulated experiences…"
"Wait, but your theory should reveal everything to you about how I work as an anomaly. No, the fact that you can read it now should tell you how right I was you weren't gonna make it in time," he presses, hitting his legs a few times.
Bathing in the permafrost of a hard rime, blinking slow and equally shaking her head. "Reading the pages, I find the solution so obvious that to think me failing to grasp it is preposterous."
"B-But in all my other-"
"Furthermore, our accord contains one key matter. Your successful tuning of the 00 Unit. I hope, for your own good, that you are indeed able to perform that feat."
"…What the hell is going on here? I- I know I failed this time, but I've been truthful since I came here. The XM3 should have shown some promise, I offed how many Forts by myself this time again."
"…Is that going to bring back Daikuuji and Tamano back to life?"
"No, it won't… But-"
"Will it heal Higurashi's legs? Will it bring any change to the plans towards that world you showed me before you asked me to swerve away from?" she presses, he hangs his head. "So you see my point, finally. I expect you to redouble your efforts to prove your words were indeed true and that there is merit in seeking other roads to that 'suicide' you described your supposed 'last loop' to have concluded in. You should already be aware of what setbacks we are going to be facing, so prepare ahead of time in a fitting manner. And, of course, try and not commit to any more heroics that would end with you dead, if you could?"
"…Roger. Anything else?" he asks, not lifting his sight, balling his fists. "Just take it, don't lash out… You deserve this one, coward…"
"You may take the rest of the day off. Stay here until you feel well enough to walk back to your room. Yashiro can deliver your dinner, so that you that you can focus on regaining your stamina. If anyone asks, you were in a special mission all day. That is all," she simply says, promptly turning around and marching away from the medbay.
Takeru remains in position, hurting his palms the more shallow his breaths become. Silent and blinding himself, making up for what inside soars and sears.
Sensing such, young Yashiro massages her own neck as she follows after the scientist. Seeing gray and nothing but, her steps begin to stall and drag on the floor.
"Were his thoughts clear to you?" Kouzuki asks after sliding her ID card to open a security gate.
"Yes, not entirely but clear enough. He was… very heavily impacted by your words. I…" lips wring in, she hangs her head and wilts her bunny ears.
"What is it?" she asks, passing through.
Yashiro slowly walks to the other side, eyes on the floor. Taking in a short breath, she nods down. "I think you may have gone too far. Takeru-san was already shaken, to push him into a corner could be unwise."
"…And to not remind him of the situation we're in would be a mistake, that is all," she cuts off, speeding off to the other end of the hallway, to the office.
Within the impregnable wall of gray which causes young Yashiro to decelerate to a snail, a small tiny thorn pokes at the neck, the nape.
"Lightening the burden could cause him to grow complacent, might compel him to follow in those same plans again. Higurashi might recover, yes, his OS and piloting was spectacular, also yes. But not only I need him to stop using that line-piercing flight pattern, Shirogane has to gear into shape. A splash of cold water would work wonders for refocusing him to what he can accomplish now rather than wallowing in what could have been. He is a veteran, and he has all of today to sort his feelings."
Entering and passing through the babel towers, she sits and spins while young Yashiro sits in a sofa. Shortly after, Kouzuki faces the little bun.
"By the way, what did the headband record?"
"…Much like me, it could not detect anything until moments before he regained consciousness. The time matches up for when I finally roused him."
"Hmm, I see… Did he mention anything on that?"
"No, his mind is too tired. But…"
"But?"
"There were two colors again, this time blue and black. More black than blue when you began pressuring him."
"Alright, I get it," she rolls her eyes, resting her chin on a hand. "Let's get to work, then. Did the review of his maneuvers finish already?"
"Yes, I was working on it remotely when he woke up. Although, I must point out my concerns were spot on. His machine froze a few times during battle, of interest before he fell unconscious."
"Hmm… There is little to salvage from that unit, but it sowed quite the spoils." If he can keep his wits about him, who can tell what further exploits he'll produce with a perfected product? I can see why the yanks would hand over the XGs over this, licensing the OS will be one profitable endeavor, Kouzuki reasons, chuckling to herself while starting up all required programs.
Before she stops, seeing an unblinking gaze and bunny ears flapping in pout.
"What?" she asks, receiving no answer but further glaring. "Oh, come now… Don't give me those eyes, Yashiro. It's also for Shirogane's benefit, isn't it?"
"Gold is not what will sate his heart. Nor will it sate yours."
"…You've been talking back more than usual lately. Is my aura such a concern to your eyes?"
"Yes, for real."
"Wh- And now you too… Come on, enough chitchat. Let's get to work," she orders, clicking the operations into focus.
Although such a small, small thorn pokes at her breaths when the readings of the headband come up in one of the many monitors, right besides the readings of his suit during the assault onto the dozen of Forts eviscerated.
"Money may not heal him, but it will be enough of a deterrent to drive away whoever noticed the evisceration he performed during battle, and whatever else he does should he insist on maintaining this doctrine. And it will literally buy us more time. Enough for him to regain his composure and instruct the Valkyries to handle the XM3, and for me to sort out the theory and whatever is wrong with his anomalous state. These readings before he lost consciousness… No human could perform such tight maneuvers under this much stress and G-Forces, causality conductor or otherwise. Not without breaking an arm, at least. And even when fainting, he finished off all the Forts… Awesome, coward. That's what you had said? Mortyfying seems more fitting to whatever you actually are…"
The Next Day. Close to Noon.
"Next pairs are Sakaki with Ayamine in HTH, Yoroi and Tamase and Mitsurugi with Shirogane using wooden weapons of your choice. Get on with it!" the Instructor shouts, echoing through the trackfield as she eyes her cadets. A brow knots down along folded arms when seeing a hand covering shrugged lips. "Shirogane, you seem so full of energy today, hmm? Would you like another five klicks in the lines?"
"N-No, ma'am! I'm just a bit tired, for real."
"Then stop yawning already and get busy, otherwise switch your boredom for laps around the entire base," she warns, hands shaking as he salutes yet sinks the chin inward not to yawn again.
As she shakes her head apathetically and takes her distance to watch the drill, the other five cross gazes and shrugs. More so as Takeru finally releases the impulse, eyes watering a bit even.
"…Hey Takeru, are you truly feeling well? You even look a bit pale," Yoroi comments, staring at the uneven motes in his complexion.
He gives a shaky thumbs up. "Yeah, don't worry, dude. Just, I'm wasted today."
"What an odd phrase… I assume you mean to say you're terribly exhausted?" Mitsurugi asks, the stoic fold of her arms and face slumping upon the little groan and nod he gives.
"Or maybe he's just playing dumb…"
"Ayamine," Sakaki warns, tapping her glasses, earning a clicking tongue. "Shirogane, I know it may be confidential but, is this related to your special missions?"
"…Half and half. Sorry, can't talk 'bout it."
"A-Anyways, maybe you should take it easy for today?" Tamase suggests, tapping her fingers, eyes blanking out as Takeru simply makes an okay with a hand.
Ayamine, Sakaki and Mitsurugi share a look, tense, until the samurai waves a finger and grabs two wooden blades from the cradle. Despite the rest soon catching the hint and dispersing yet keeping an eye on the duo, Mitsurugi's heel begins to tap the ground. Quite hard. And fast. Just as a finger does on her forearm. Because the yawn simply knows no end.
"Did- Did you not sleep well tonight?" she asks, blinking erratically.
"Nah, I got plenty of rest…" More than I deserve, honestly.
Those reddened, sunken eyes would tell another tale, however… "Do you ever not tire of sleeping overlong?"
"Yeah, of course I do. That's why I keep sleeping, probably," he says with a slow chuckle, raising his chest in jest halfway.
"Huh… I see?"
"Anyways, my sword?" he asks, extending a hand.
"Oh, apologies. Now then, I was hoping to face you in earnest effort however…" she sighs as she sees a yawn, short, as he takes his posture. "It seems that is out of the question."
"No, it's alright. Can't slack off or Marimo-chan will only get more pissed."
"…Pardon?"
"What? I mean, she'll snap if she notices we're holding our cards back, right?"
"No, I am not disagreeing. H-However, how did you just refer to the Instructor?" she asks, paling, hands shaking as if she were out in the snow.
"How? I mean, it's how I usua- O-Oh… Fuck… Please don't tell her, Meiya."
"No, I was not intending on doing such, however… Why?"
"Sigh… You know I call everyone by their names. And when I'm tired and hungry I'm a walking danger. I space out much on a regular basis so, that but worse."
"Mitsurugi, Shirogane! Could you stop flirting, for the Holy Emperor?! If you want to get a room, do it after the trainings!" the Instructor shouts, the other cadets stumble to the floor and onto each other during their combats.
Three small puffs of dust rise out of sight, the wind thankfully sweeps away aggravations of the heaviest order.
However, the samurai in question simply tilts her head at the words. "What has owning a room to do with courting? First of all, that is not what we're doing, and second, we cannot possibly buy any rooms in the base. Also, we already have our own bunks? Shirogane, do you know what that means?"
"…Please, let's just train, Meiya."
"Hmm… Fine. However, you said you wished me to be serious, correct?" she asks, inhaling sharply, tensing every pore, blazing to the rim. Employing her most proficient stance.
It makes him shiver, almost wailing despite meeting the readiness. "Put me down gently, honey…"
Enough time for a cloud to fully traverse the sun up above passes, with the return of the daylight she lunges forth.
To the left, parried. He dives to her right- She parries it, faking a frontal attack to- Another slash at her waist, meets a block. Both blades mingle for a moment, letting their breaths tickle the other, forcing each other to take a step back.
In equal manner a few crosses pass, no opening available for either even if their wrists are beginning to crack.
"…What's the matter, Shirogane? Your best effort this is not, we both know it," she says, almost puffing a cheek, threads of purple fire over her eyes.
The gaping, gasping gestures grow for a moment, gradually going back to normal. "I am trying… Gimme a break, come on…"
"Are you insinuating you wish to retract from battle again?"
"No, damn it… Whatever, dude. If you wanna come at me, then come already," he spits out, fuming from his nose.
He immediately curses his own stupidity.
"More than gladly! Prepare yourself!"
And even if a few teardrops are sliced in half along some clouds, both remain evenly matched. Due to his switch to full contention, narrowing his posture, the openings and fishing for counters. Mitsurugi does not relent, all the contrary welcomes the counters, the ripostes to the point her breath turns as ragged as his.
In another struggle of blades, as his feet try and trip hers, as her own reflection flares purple back at Mitsurugi, as fully flushed in exertion his face is to her, she decides to take a retreat, a small one. Standing there, quiet, a puff of air leaves as slowly as the minefield of sweat sliding off all of her. Then, Mitsurugi points her blade to Shirogane.
"…Mugen Kidou."
"Huh?"
"Mugen Kidou. That's the name of my style. What of yours?"
"…Name? I told you already, I don't know…"
"Hmm, truly?" she again comes at him, faster than before the martial pattern attempting to snare. "Does the name of my style not seem familiar to you?"
"…No."
"Would that be doubt in your voice, Shirogane?"
"Nah, I'm just stunned by how nice you look today, honey."
"Wh- What are you even- Gah! T-That was low! Faking flattery to breach my guard…"
"Siiigh… And you still blocked…" And I'm not even lying, she looks nice today. Upset too, yeah, it sucks, but I'll take my small wins when I can.
"It is most uncouth to use such base wordings to gain the upperhand!"
"And maybe you should stick to your guns instead of letting your guard down in front of obvious attempts to trick you. Keeping your cool is important," and that's coming from me, the idiot that jumps headfirst into death the first chance he gets.
"I disagree. Within the warrior, there is only a nest for truth. Those trained in our Empire would know to uphold their word rather than employ treachery to triumph…"
"…Yeah, go ahead and accuse me again. Whatever…" Of course, of fucking course…
"Wait, that wasn't my intention. If you're also a warrior, let it show in our duel. That is all I'm asking of you."
"Siiigh… Yeah, yeah." She ain't gonna hear anything I say when she gets like this. You and your honor code are joined at the hip….
"So… Hya! Do you truly- Ugh! not know anything of your own swordplay?"
"Sei! …I told you I don't already, dude. Uff… I was just taught its principles."
"Really now?"
"Why you wanna know?" I was expecting questions, but about where I was yesterday. Not that those were lacking but, those eyes… those purply blazy eyes… That weird battle mania she gets into is really rare. I didn't do anything odd lately, have I? Ugh, head hurts…
"Simply indulge me. Pheeew… You truly would not tell me anything? Shirogane, state your terms. I am willing to reciprocate the favor."
"I mean, there is nothing to say…"
"That cannot be. Who was your Sifu?"
"…Do you really need to know that?"
"So you are refusing to tell me… I am being honest in my offer, however. And if you refuse, then do so clearly and with your motives for it."
"Come on, now. It's just a small thing, there's no way that is important enough. And I'm really not that good anyways, just got trained as a favor. For real, that's all there is to-"
"Enough prattling! Have at you!"
"W-Wait, you must chill, Meiya! L-Let's talk this ou- AAAAAHHHHH-"
SLASH!
"And now, I have you under my gra- Hey, wait! Come back here and face me!"
THUD!
"Hells no! You're gonna slash me in half again!" And I already had enough close calls in this week!
CRACK!
"S-Stop running! And what do you mean again?! I've never bested you yet!"
SCREEECH!
"Then let's keep it that way!"
BOOOM!
"I refuse! Come at me already, you should be more steadfast in your resolve!"
VROOOOOM!
"I give up, you win! Stop it with the slashes! You wanna kill me or what?!"
"I-Is this some sort of courting ritual of the nobility?" Marimo wonders as the entire trackfield is unmade in clean slices and walls of purple fire, that somehow are unable to reach the mirage runner.
Her eyes briefly meet those of a trio nearby, all equally floored by the ongoing rampage. Deciding to rescue Shirogane from the maiden's wrath, the Instructor steps forward and, not without a small bruise or two, puts a stop to the squabble. Mitsurugi could almost take to the skies, what with the paleness of shame ingrained in her face that still sought Shirogane's. He, on the other hand, was pale on the verge of exhaustion. And yet, with every beat of his heart still returning from the red the numbness on the back of his head began to clear, if ever so slightly.
That did not stop the shiver and wails in front of the pyres of purple wraith aiming at him during the rest of the training and classes, arduous bruises all over him and a similar exhaustion coming to mind along a tall, snowy mountain.
Some hours later…
Quick scribbling zooms out in the room as lights pop up in the hallways, the only sound one could hear at this hour. With only a sliver of orange lingering above the horizon, the pencils are given respite and the one in front of the blackboard nods back firmly.
"Well, I suppose that shall be all for today. Remember to read up on the questions you got wrong. Tomorrow we're doing more reading on combat scenarios at morning, so do be ready for that. And do ensure to remain on your best behavior, are we clear?" she asks, daggers for eyes, they all nod immediately. "Good. Until tomorrow, then. Dismissed!"
"Salute!"
The gesture is shared, the Instructor takes her leave yet the students take some time to gather their books.
"Wow, Miki-san, that was a nice answer you got at the end!" Yoroi says, almost bouncing upon herself.
"N-No, it was all luck, to be honest…"
"Come on, even Takeru was stuck on that one. And he got lots of right answers despite being super tired, too, right?" she asks, barely receiving a nod back from him, the other three remaining silent. "Ahaha… So, uh, how hard you think the next assignments are gonna be?"
Yoroi's attempts to sow chatter on the way to the PX are as fruitless as Kouzuki's on trying to get young Yashiro to eat her carrots.
"So guys, about homework," she was not about to give up though, looking across the table as they ate, "there's this problem I really can't solve."
"Which one?" Sakaki asks, slowly drinking.
"The one in page eighty-seven, no matter what I think I can't get to the correct answer…"
"Same here, sadly. Squad?" she asks, tapping her glasses and receiving shrugs and downcast nods. Slowly, she turns to her side, gazing at the one who had not answered and was enjoying his miso. "…Shirogane, do you know the answer? Hey, Shirogane!"
"Hm? What is it?" he asks, eyelids lower than usual.
"I was asking about the day's lecture, the task on page eighty-seven. Do you know the solution?"
"I mean, yeah…"
"Care to share with the group?"
"Eh, sure… It's the island assault one, right?" he asks Mikoto, who quickly nods and edges closer to the table, Tamase as well. "Ahem… Support from the Ticonderoga should prioritize the vanguard, and then proceed to attack the middle of the enemy force. Let a small chaser force finish the stragglers that are too close, regroup and rebuild the line and keep the artillery support coming until the rest of the fleet arrive. The wincon is survival, not annihilation. Don't bother pressing forward, use the artillery to keep the bulk of them as far away from the frontliners as you can, so that they can dispatch anyone who reaches the line without putting themselves in danger."
"Huh… Why are you not trying to expand the beach head? Wouldn't it be disadvantageous if your forces were surrounded?" Sakaki presses, resting her chopsticks.
He simply shrugs, en eye closing as he stifles a yawn. "I got a Ticonderoga with me, that kind of fire is more than enough to keep the frontline safe, so long as a proper perimeter is set. If you try to move forward you would have to spread the line, making it wider and thinner. And then you won't be able to provide fire support to all the line at the same time. By defending a smaller area you can create something of a bottleneck, which allows you to trim the amount of places you need to commit to artillery defense. So you won't have to choose between two different targets and risking your line to be breached. Remember that the goal is to protect the shore, not to defeat the aggressors."
"I see. Thanks for the advice," she gives a small nod and continues to eat.
He returns the nod, and the silence also makes a grand entrance.
Leaving the news to drone above their cage, about the damage done during the last incursion, a preoccupied spiel on the citizens that refuse to this day to return to the shelters, and some dissidence during the closing moments, frictions between the IJA and the IRG with the UN regarding the scavenging efforts. Then are cut with a rambunctious chorus, a repeat of an old Chop-kun's episode which soon bathes the PX in gentle chuckles.
"So, um, Shirogane-san," Tamase dares, stealing glances around, breaths short, "are you busy this evening? Would you like to play something?"
Thanks, sweetie, but I don't wanna ruin your games. I know the others will get on a bad mood if I'm there. "No, I'm going to rest up. I am pretty tired today," he says, rubbing the underside of an ear.
"Are you alright? Did you catch a cold?"
Aw, thanks for worrying, honey… "Nah, I just need some time to myself, is all."
Shirogane then blinks, looking to a side. Meiya, who was sitting next to him, bumped her feet on his although continued to eat as if nothing had happened. Thinking it a coincidence, he continues to eat in silence.
Clearing her throat, Sakaki wipes her mouth and looks his way again, not meeting his eyes. "Shirogane, if you're free… Would you mind helping me in showing Yoroi some of the subjects we saw when she wasn't around? I took a quick read of the book you had offered before and… perhaps there were some merits to your suggestion. If you allow a debate with the material I've been reading, I'd welcome your insight."
"…Sure, why not?" Even if her gestures are not entirely open yet, I'll take what chances I get to- Ouch!
This time, Meiya hits his ankle a bit more strongly, clearly on purpose. He again stares her way, but she remains quietly eating as if in a tea ceremony.
"Thank you Takeru! I really can't keep up with all of this," Mikoto beams his way, scratching her head.
Finally, he relaxes and smiles back. "Don't mention it, Mikoto. It'll be a pleasure to help." Ouch! That one hit my hams! What the hell is your problem? Why can't you just talk?! "Mitsurugi, what about you?" Takeru asks, grabbing his bowl of miso and making noise as he drinks, staring.
She directs a finger to her chin, evading the glare. "Hmmmm… I have not decided yet. I was thinking on going for a jog later," she says, briefly, softly hitting his leg again, leaving hers nuzzling against his, close by.
"…So you don't wanna let the others know? Is- Is this a booty call? No, wait, this is Meiya we're talking about so it's probably a duel. So, basically, her own flavor of booty calls. Guess I'm dying today, huh. Please causality, let Tsukuyomi-san run into Mikoto or something."
"Miki-san, what will you do?" Mikoto asks.
"Me and Ayamine-san are going to do a juggle competition today," she says with blooming cheer and a small fist.
Ayamine nods to the words with a smile before slurping an entire XXL bowl of yakisoba. Then collapses face-first onto the table, curses drawling out of her loosening lips. "…Ugh. I'm not pooping tonight…"
"Did you have to say that?!"
"Shut it, Leader… That was too much, even for me…"
"Why did you even do that, dude?"
"…I think Ayamine-san is trying to get more energy to best you in the trainings, haha," Tamase chuckles, cracking at parts as she pats Ayamine's shoulder.
Kei herself glares at Shirogane, and gives a mini smirk. Before burping and holding her stomach as if she had been the one chased by Mitsurugi. "God… You get half rations all the time and still run so much… Where's the secret, Special-kun?"
"I'm actually feeding and being fed by a bunch of other Takerus across all of time-space. I hunger for millions. And sleep for millions, too."
"What kind of bullshit is that? I can't even tell if you're insulting us or not…"
"It's just a joke. I know how to manage my stamina, nothing else."
"Yeah, must be nice to- Buuurp… Ugh, shit…"
"Come on, Ayamine-san. Maybe we should go to the medbay?"
"…Just give me some time. And water."
"Sigh… Well, we all need a break every now and then, as we cannot excel by our lonesome," Sakaki shrugs, eyeing Shirogane briefly, handing Ayamine her own cup. "In any case, Shirogane, I can count on you to lend Yoroi your knowledge unprompted?"
"…No, of course not, it's not like I had been offering my help since the day I arrived here anyways," he nods, stuffing himself on rice as he glares at Sakaki.
Ayamine chokes on her own laugh and bile, caging her throat to prevent a compulsory evacuation. Poor Miki massages her back, appeasing the twitches that are not known to be from laughter, pain, or both.
"There was no need to utter such words, was there?" Mitsurugi scolds, again colliding her feet onto his.
"No, but I'm still a bit mad about the library. And honestly, I am in a bad mood today. If any of you wants my help, just ask without tripwires or anything. I'm fucking done with all this passive aggressive bullshit. And if you have a problem, take off the mask and come at me," for as much as it hurts, Sensei's brutal honesty is better than this stagnating shit.
"I… apologize for what happened before, albeit your attitude then wasn't exactly tactful," Sakaki simply returns a modest nod, not looking at him. "You may review the material with Yoroi alone, if you'd favor to impose your material?"
"Yeah, go ahead and keep digging the hole," Takeru scoffs, shaking his head. "It ain't like we're supposed to be a functioning squadron or anything."
"Shirogane, please, let us stop with this discussion. Within the warrior-"
"No, you don't," he says, returning a soft hit to Mitsurugi's feet, stalling her features, the others freeze in front of the irreverence. "I get it, believe me, I get that you're all upset about a random guy just dropping out of nowhere and beating you in everything. But if you continue acting like this we ain't making it past the CCSE," he shrugs, going for a sharp gulp of miso, leaving the others hanging their heads. "I don't mind you tagging along to study, Chizuru, but not with this attitude. If you don't want to listen, anything I say will ring hollow."
"That is not- I had told you to stop using my name to-"
"The same goes for you, Kei," he scolds, stabbing the rice mounds deeply as his stare onto the collapsed one. "You don't trust me, that's cool, and I don't mind if you wanna rival me in stuff or something. But jumping the gun without thinking ahead will get you, and us, in some deep shit down the line. Eating so much like this, spiking my face when you invited me to play volleyball, to say nothing on you punching me while I try and apologize."
"…Wouldn't do that if you answered our questions."
"Would you answer my questions about your father, for example?" he asks calmly, Ayamine groans and stifles what was about to come off her mouth, words or otherwise.
Tamase gently pulls at Ayamine's sleeve, rubbing an arm in consolation. "S-Shirogane-san, maybe we should let this rest? It doesn't do us any good to-"
"No, Miki, letting this fester won't do us any favors, either. And I'm not judging, Kei," he nods down, grimacing at the folding fire in those eyes. "I've made my fair amounts of fuckups, after all. All I'll say as an answer to your doubts is a simple truth. If you don't wanna end up carrying the same scars I do now, you better try and polish these little things that are piking at the squad's unity. Otherwise, you're gonna pay for it one day. And it won't be pretty." And I know I keep failing whenever you need me, anyways… You all thought so back in Ouka, leaving me in the dark until the end.
The end of Chop-kun's show comes faster than the girls finish their dinner. Choked chopsticks, more so the throats. The ding glitches in warning in their ears, distant. No amount of miso dispels the chilly embrace falling on their backsides, not when sharing equally caged gazes.
And he, too, sighs heavy and hangs his head while finishing what half rations were in his tray. You cannot repair what never was built. Even if from your viewpoint there may something there, something dear and worth mending at times it is but another speck of dust in the air to the eyes of another. So small, so insignificant.
Nonexistent
"Ahem… Would you still be willing to lend us a hand to study?" Sakaki asks, to the table since she doesn't lift her head.
"If you really do want it, sure," he shrugs, resting both arms onto the table.
Mitsurugi flares purple a bit, colliding her feet on his one final, harder time.
Ayamine remains drinking water, rubbing her belly in place, and Tamase stays besides as the others stand to leave. Takeru shares a momentary gaze with them, wishing Tamase goodnight, returned with a stiff bow. Ayamine quivers a glare his way, lips nibbled soft which then stop as his own eyes fall along his shoulder, steps limping out of the PX.
"Well, I suppose I will go to run my laps…" Mitsurugi says, passing behind Shirogane and elbowing him softly. "Until tomorrow," she says, nodding to the others.
The other three direct themselves to the library, breaking down each problem and assignment in slow measures. Short of being a reinforcement class for Yoroi only, Sakaki ends up also requesting aid and noting down tips in haste.
"So I shouldn't press towards the canyon?"
"No, you'll get flanked when you have to split. Your numbers will work against you here."
"Takeru, you're so smart! I thought the choke points would be a good spot to claim."
"Yeah, and that's the thing. When something's too good to be true, it's probably a trap. Why would the enemy retreat so easily from such a key position otherwise?"
"Hmm… Now that you word it like that, I can definitely see what you meant," Sakaki says while taking quick notes, quicker nods, and a sigh when looking at the clock by the wall. "Well, let's leave it at that for today."
"Wow, it really got late… Yawn."
"Sorry Takeru, and you weren't feeling good since morning…"
"Hey, it's cool, Mikoto. Comrades help each other out." And I'm only paying a tidbit of the debt I owe you all for everything I know.
Quickly stuffing their bags, they leave the place and thank the clerk. Only two salutes the staff returns, a glare with lips twisted for the last to leave.
"Thanks a lot, you two! I really got a lot of things sorted out," Mikoto's usual smile widened as they exited the library. "And sorry about that misunderstanding the other day, Takeru."
"Don't mention it, it was my B to be so pushy. Glad I could help you," he nods, giving a thumbs up, drowning a yawn.
"Well, it's kinda late so I'll be hitting the sack now. You should go rest too, Takeru. Those eyebags don't look good at all."
"I know, thanks."
"Well, good night, you two!" and off she goes, in a pace completely unbecoming of the hour.
"Yawn… Guess I should be free now to go for a-"
"Shirogane."
Or not, whatever. "What is it, Sakaki?"
She adjusts her glasses and takes a second to speak again. "Thanks for your help. It was… a relief to have another set of eyes, to complement and contrast my prior ideas. I've rarely seen Yoroi focusing for so long a time."
"It was the obvious thing to do, helping a squadmate. We can't protect our lives alone, can we?"
"…Yes, of course," she stops, looks down, ruffles her arms, then continues. "Well, the CCSE is getting closer so… We should set aside our differences for the time being."
"…Okay, got it. No hard feelings?" he asks, raising a hand.
She takes half a step back. "It is getting late, we should return to our rooms before curfew ends. And let's… try and work together as best as we're able. Good night," Sakaki says with half a salute, departing without waiting for an answer.
"Not a win, but I'll take a ceasefire alright. Now, even if I'm tired I don't feel sleepy… And ain't no way I'm jumping into another duel with Meiya this late. Let's just go for a walk, really need to clear my head a bit. It's been killing me all day…"