"What?" Lois asked in frustration when she felt his eyes on her. She had been busying herself by putting the tackle box back in order.
"Don't you think it's time you tried again?" Clark asked, his voice as soft as hers had been sharp.
"No, I really don't. I'm not her mother. She's not my daughter. What could we possibly be to each other?" It sounded cruel even to her own ears but spending time around Natalie hadn't started making things easier. If anything, she was feeling worse, and she was sure the girl felt the same way.
"No one's asking you to be a second mother to her. But I think if you talked to her, really talked to her, I think-"
"What? That we would both find peace?"
"I'm only saying-"
"No, stop. You can't possibly know how hard this is or how I feel or what I need to finally move on, so stop pretending that you do. You want to save someone? Fine. Go put on a suit and do what you do best, but stop trying to play Freud, okay?"
She'd finally gotten past his calm, cool demeanor, which was only satisfying for a split second. She regretted it when he disappeared into the woods, and she saw a speck streaking away in the sky seconds later. Why did she always lash out at the ones closest to her? He was only trying to be his sweet, considerate self. She, on the other hand, was pulling her Wicked Witch of the West routine as per usual.
She walked into the woods, needing some time away from the camp herself. Lost in thought, she was startled when she heard gunfire.
A hunter? If so, they needed to know there was a family camping in the woods, she followed the sound of the gunfire to find three teenagers instead, firing at pop cans that they stood up on a rotten log.
To say she was livid would be an understatement. "Jonathan Samuel Kent! Jordan Jerome Kent! Have you lost your ever-loving minds?"
They all turned around, and the boys looked at her sheepishly. "I mean you'd have to have, wouldn't you? Who on God's green earth gave you permission to dispense a firearm?"
"Well, no one, but-" Jonathan began.
"No, there is no buts. You're barely even fifteen. And I know there were some unusual circumstances last year that demanded using guns, but they are dangerous. You don't use them in a non-emergency unless there's an adult supervising!"
"Yes, ma'am," Jonathan answered respectfully.
Jordan was more obstinate as usual. "I don't see why we can't-" She grabbed them both by the hoods, an increasingly difficult task as they were growing like weeds.
"Then allow your grandfather to give you a lecture on gun safety." That elicited the groans she hoped for. "I still can't believe you two! And on top of it, you dragged Natalie into it."
"Actually," Natalie said. "It was my idea. I wanted to learn how to shoot, but my dad said no."
"They didn't have to go along with it, but thank you for being honest."
"Would you just stop it, okay? I can't stand you being so polite." Tears of sadness and anger were running down her cheeks.
Lois released their hoods and picked up the handgun. She checked that the chambers were empty before giving it to Jonathan, nozzle down. "Return this to your grandfather and explain what you were doing with it. And I will know if you did because I'll ask."
They both nodded and complied.
When alone, she said, "I don't understand. You want me to yell at you?"
"Yes, I do. Sort of. It's hard enough seeing you but you acting like the mother of one of my friends makes it that much harder."
"I guess I didn't realize I was doing that. I just don't want to confuse you like I'm acting in her place."
She sank down to the ground and curled into a ball and in a broken voice, she said, "I just miss her so much."
And instinct kicked in as she lowered herself down to the ground too and wrapped her arms around the teenager, who despite being taller than her seemed like a little girl enveloped in her hug. True, this girl was not her daughter, but she could reach out to her as one human being to another.
"I know what you're going through," she said gently.
"You mean because of your Natalie?"
"Who told you about her?" she asked, trying to keep the edge out of her voice.
"Jonathan, but don't be mad. I was acting pretty self-absorbed, and he let it slip by accident. It reminded me that we all have things we're going through, and we need to give each other a break."
"I was talking about losing my mother as a girl, but yes, because of Natalie as well. You'll find that the longer you live the more grief you experience at partings."
"How-how do you..."
"Keep going?" she finished for her. "Get past the grief?"
Natalie nodded, too choked up by tears to speak.
"I'm still learning that myself. I find it helps to concentrate on what you do still have, on the people who need you. Grief is a part of loving and a terrible feeling in and of itself, but if we let it, it can draw us closer: closer to God, closer to the ones who want to be there for us." She thought of Clark. She tried to keep her grief from him in an effort to protect him but maybe all she was really doing was driving a wedge between them. Maybe it was even why she was finding it so hard to heal.
"When does the hurting stop?" Natalie asked in a whisper.
"It takes time. I can tell you this. If you ignore it, if you don't face it, it only gets worse. You have to talk about them, you have to face what you're feeling. I've been learning that the hard way. We, or at least I, have a tendency to want to isolate in my grief, to hide it away, but grief is meant to be shared. In the sharing, we lessen it. At least, that's my hope."
She stroked the top of her head and said what she hoped the other Lois would have said to her boys if their situations were reversed. "I can promise you this. Your mother loved you with every fiber of her being, and she wants you to be happy again. There's nothing you could have done or not done to change the outcome. Things happen because it's a broken world we live in with broken people. Moving forward without them is the hardest part, but I guarantee you it's what she wants for you. Allow yourself to feel, to be comforted, and then allow yourself to live."