Hello everyone, thank you to all of the people who have left reviews on this fic or favorited/followed it. I'm not sure how you pushed through all of the grammatical errors in the first chapter and still kept reading, but those have all been corrected now, so maybe it won't drive anyone crazy like it did to me as an adult 10 years later.

I can't guarantee that I will keep writing for this in the future, I guess it's just that inspiration has struck me recently.

Obviously things in this story will be just like the movies or books and others will not. For example in this story, Johanna was never sold off as a prostitute in the capitol. I also made their days of training longer and extended some scenes.

Anyways, Enjoy!

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Alexithymia (American): The inability to identify and express or describe one's feelings

As the last five seconds count down, I focus as hard as I can at the cornucopia to see what I need to grab. I can just barely make out what looks like a bow and arrows on top of a box. That's my target.

My heart is thundering in my chest, and when the clock hits 0 I dive into the water head first. I swim towards one of the lengths of rock that lead to the cornucopia and climb up onto it to sprint to the center. As I run I'm trying not to fall on the rocks, and I can see the other tributes around me either running or swimming as well. I make it to the bow and arrows and sling the quiver over my back. I can tell someone is approaching from my side and I swiftly draw an arrow and take aim with the bow. It's a male, I think it may be one of the Careers and I purposefully let go at a downward angle to hit him in the leg, which causes him to fall into the water. I draw one more arrow and turn to my left, sensing another person coming towards me. In this hectic moment I know I would be willing to let go at anyone that threatens my or Peeta's life.

It's Finnick, and he's holding up his arm which has a gold band around it. 'It's the gold band that Effie gave Haymitch!'

He smiles, "Good thing we're allies, right?"

I'm trying to process and accept this information as quickly as I can when he suddenly tells me to duck, then launches a spear at a tribute running up behind me. It hits them right in the chest, and just like that they're dead.

I'm reeling from how fast everything has happened when I hear the cannon go off, and the adrenaline pumping through me keeps me alert and ready to move. Finnick is telling me who to trust and what we should do first. "I'll go find Peeta." he says before turning and running. I'm at least grateful that he is ready to take action and truly seems to be an ally. I almost wondered if the talk of allies would all be a fluke once the game started.

I refocus my attention when I see a female that resembles Enobaria, the woman who shaved her teeth into points, standing on the rocky pathway. She's giving me an animalistic glare and it's like the only word going through her mind is "kill". I draw my bow and release an arrow at her, which she dodges by diving into the water.

Next thing I know, Finnick is calling for me and saying that Mags has found Peeta. I turn and run as fast as I can to get to him, and I see that he's fighting someone in the water near the starting points. I know it can't be an easy battle and I begin to panic when I see him get dragged under by the other. After a suspenseful few seconds, a body floats to the top of the water as Finnick dives in to assist. A terrible dread fills me when I think it may be Peeta. I hold my breath.

Right as Finnick gets close, a head comes gasping out of the water, and I feel as though I took a similar gasp of much needed air at the same time. It's Peeta.

As he's getting out of the water I look toward the cornucopia, only to see four other victors allied together. None of them the people that Peeta and I made "friends" with back in the capitol, or Johanna. I assume that everyone else is either dead or turned around and immediately went to what appears to be a jungle surrounding us.

We swim towards the beach and then run into the jungle with Finnick carrying Mags to move as quickly as possible. After a while Finnick shouts for us to stop and take a rest for the elderly woman. We try to gather ourselves and take in our surroundings.

It's ridiculously humid and hot, making breathing a bit of a chore and sweating never ends.

After talking about what to do and having a tense moment with Finnick, we start moving again through the jungle, with Peeta leading us. He's chopping away at the foliage and vines and right as he lifts up his hand to strike across again, I see the telltale shimmer of a forcefield like the one that Beetee and Wiress were telling me about. "Peeta, No!" but it's too late. He strikes the forcefield and it sends him flying back with a shock.

He's unconscious and not breathing. I can feel the dread start to well up inside me once more at the thought that he's dead.

Finnick once again jumps down to the rescue and resuscitates him with mouth to mouth. After multiple attempts Peeta finally takes a large and fast gulp of air, and I feel the relief flood my body. I hug him hard and let the tears fall as he is coughing and recovering, and I realize that losing him really would be like losing a brother. He is truly like family to me and I intend to keep him alive no matter what. After knowing he's going to be okay, we start gathering our things and I allow myself an amusing thought, 'I can't wait to tell Peeta that Finnick was the one to resuscitate him, and in a way they shared a kiss.' This thought gives me a bit of mischievous joy, if only for a moment.

This moment is short-lived when I decide to go shoot an arrow into the sky to check how high the blue sky replicated ceiling is, only to watch it connect with a forcefield that glimmers all the way down to the ground, revealing that we are within a dome structure. I go back and relay this information to the group, and we argue about who will take the watch during resting periods.

After a little bit the classic capitol broadcast of the lives lost in these first few hours appears in the sky, and I feel a small tinge of relief that Johanna was not among them. I lean against a tree to settle into the watch with Finnick, when a container comes parachuting from the sky, making a tinkling sound.

I catch the box and open it to see a spile, apparently from Haymitch, and we use it to drink our first bit of fresh water since we left for the games. Everyone decides to sleep then except for me, because I can't drop my guard yet and I also can't rid myself of this restless feeling.

I let my mind wander and it eventually settled on thoughts of Johanna. 'What is she doing right now? Has she allied herself with the Careers? No…that look she gave me just before the countdown finished...and all the weird moments we've had in the past week…I only hope she's safe…' I mull over these thoughts for a while until my eyes get heavy, and I can feel the sleep trying to drag me under.

Johanna

When the platform rises and breaks the surface, the first thing I see is a sun, followed by a body of water surrounding me with rocky paths leading to the cornucopia. I know I need to take every single thing in, and I've been preparing for this moment, so I continue to scan my surroundings. There's a beach around the water and jungle behind that. It's warm and the outfits we were given make sense for this environment. We'll have to swim to get to the paths and I'm glad the clothing is light and form-fitting.

I turn my attention to the other victors with ten seconds left on the clock. Everyone is trying to get a grip on the reality of the situation, or readying themselves for the dive. I try to locate all of my allies and enemies.

Then I see her, the girl on fire. She seems extremely distressed and I can't help but wonder if it has to do with something other than just coming up into the arena. She's gorgeous, as usual, even while frantic.

With six seconds left she actually turns her head and looks at me, and I give her an encouraging smile in the hopes that she knows that I mean her no harm here, that it's going to be okay. She seems slightly taken aback by it and turns to focus on the cornucopia, hardening her gaze. I guess they didn't let her in on who all are really her allies.

Three seconds left and I know exactly what I'm going to do. When the cannon goes off I jump into the water and swim hard until I make it to the rock path. The victor on the path next to me has made it up a millisecond before me and has started running.

I hoist myself up and sprint like my life depends on it, which it actually does. I end up pulling ahead of him due to him tripping slightly on the rocks, and I just make it to an area with some throwing axes and a hatchet.

I look up right in time to see someone getting a spear poised for throwing, and she growls out "Everdeen", as she holds it above and behind her head, about to launch.

I take one of the throwing axes in my right hand and send it flying towards her exposed side. It hits her under her armpit and she drops the spear as she falls into the water, and I know she will likely not survive that injury.

I also know that Katniss must be on the other side of the cornucopia, but Wiress turned tail and swam to the jungle, and I'm not sure where Beetee is.. As much as I want to reveal myself as an ally and ensure her survival, I need to get to the two that I gave my loyalties to first. There's also the matter that more victors are arriving and grabbing weapons, so I know it would be best to leave for now.

I see a backpack that has some food rations and supplies in it and I grab it quickly before running back down the path I came from and diving into the water towards the beach. When I make it back I turn around and I see Beetee struggling to make it to the shore a few yards away because he is swimming with something heavy.

I go to help him out and I notice he has a small throwing knife sticking out of his back, with blood leaking from the point of impact. I pull the knife out and we try our best to use what we could get from the backpack to stop the bleeding.

The heavy object seems to be a coil of wire. 'He must have some sort of plan for that wire, I hope it's worth carrying around something so hindering.'

I see the footprints in the sand where I know Wiress landed, and we follow them into the jungle. We walked for a few yards before I yelled "Nuts! Where in the hell are you? We can't keep you alive if I don't know where you are!" There's a bit of irritation in my voice as I shout.

A movement flashes faintly between some trees several meters away, and as we approach I squeeze the handle of the hatchet in my right hand and keep it lifted, my heart pounding. I round the side of some thick trees, ready to strike, and crouching with her hands up as if to shield herself is Wiress. I lower the axe and both of them sigh in relief.

Beetee goes to help her up and they share a small embrace, "We watched for a moment on the beach, and it seems that Katniss and the others have survived and escaped death indefinitely."

Wiress is rubbing her hands and fingers around each other nervously and looks at me, "I also saw you save her."

I smirk to cover my slight embarrassment, "Yeah, well, I'd much rather have Katniss as an ally than one of those other freaks." I know I can't say "Yeah, well, isn't that the fucking plan?" because there are cameras all over this arena. We need to keep the plan on the down low so as to not raise suspicion in the capitol and ruin everything before it can even happen.

We walk deeper into the jungle to try and find a place to settle. After about an hour, the sun has fallen and we decide to rest. I volunteer to stay up and keep an eye out, because I don't think either of them would be up to the task right now.

I find a large rock to sit on with my legs crossed, and allow myself to go into a meditative state with my thoughts.

'We need to find them. The plan will be worthless if we don't have her. Well...at least I think so with what little I know of the plan.'

I don't hear or feel anything out of the ordinary for now, so I allow myself time to really think about her and all that has happened.

...

When I first saw her on the TV, I knew she was special. The girl from district 12 that volunteered for her sister, that's how people were referring to her. Her bravery won over many in the capitol, and her subsequent show of shooting the apple in the pig's mouth earned her the respect of a true contender for the games.

I admired her tenacity and couldn't help but root for her as well. When she was in the games, she had a lot of close calls, and I found myself gripping the armrest of the chair I was watching from with anxiety.

When she and Peeta had their moment, I was surprised by how much I immediately disliked him. Was this little baker boy really good enough for this fiery girl? I wasn't so sure. I also wasn't so sure that she was as into him as he was to her.

In the final moment she revealed the berries that they were to take together, ending it their own way. Most people swooned at how romantic they thought it was, but I was disgusted. What a waste of her life and potential. Thankfully they were stopped and ended up receiving a shared victory.

The network didn't stop covering the story of the" star-crossed lovers" for months. I assumed she went back home to live out her love story with Peeta, and I resumed my life of peace (loneliness) and boredom.

My entire family died in a house fire that I suspect the capitol caused shortly after I won my games, so I lived alone. I spent my time training with the hatchet, drinking, trying not to watch the news, learning to blacksmith, and trying to find a decent lover to lay with. The problem was there weren't any people that lived up to my standards. My pickiness ended up making me turn my nose up at just about everyone that I came in contact with as a possible lover or partner.

Plus there was the fact that I couldn't stop comparing them to her.

You would think there would be other people (preferably women) out there that would be brave, resilient, stubborn, and seriously beautiful, with the ability to kill a moving target 45 yards away, right? Alas, there were none. At least not in district 7 or the capitol.

I know that it's ridiculous to hold this girl on such a high pedestal in my mind, but it's hard to want any less when you know something so incredible is out there.

Though even with the unlikelihood that she and Peeta aren't together, there's a 90% chance that she's straight. Being gay isn't necessarily a taboo here, but it's a rarity.

Then there's the final setback of the fact that even if she weren't with Peeta, and wasn't straight, who's to say that she would even like me?

I mean I know I'm a catch, but I think people in my district and at the capitol have always thought of me to be…abrasive and overbearing. But I know what I want and I'm not afraid to speak my mind. A lot of people live in the opposite sort of way, so they're very put-off by me.

'Would she also be put-off by me...?'

Finally, the one year anniversary of her games is coming around and they're doing their broadcasted "victor's tour". I watched her have her awkward encounter with Peeta in the snow, and I actually had a bit of hope that their relationship either wasn't in good standing or just wasn't real.

Man she looked amazing though. After a year of probably eating and relaxeing a little more than she did before the win, she absolutely shined. She looked more mature and healthy.

Then I saw them tour the districts, and I noticed just how torn and unhappy she seemed. Things weren't exactly good for the people outside of the capitol. With the goodness she seems to possess I know she aches for all of these people she visits.

It's the worst when she visits District 11, where the girl named Rue was from. They had to drag her away screaming after a citizen held up a three fingered salute of solidarity and got grabbed by peacemakers. The broadcast cut out right after that.

I gnawed on my bottom lip considering how things were going. I pulled a few favors for capitol cronies to get some intel on the riots going on in the other districts.

It's obvious something is on the rise. A rebellion? A revolution even? She's become a symbol for this revolution with her mockingjay pin and acts of defiance to the capitol.

I want to be a part of it. I want to help her.

Then out of nowhere Snow comes on the screen and drops the bomb that the Quarter Quell will be previous victors only.

My head is spinning.

I immediately rush to the bathroom and can't stop the bile that comes up. I lurch into the toilet a few times, thinking 'Again. I have to do it…again?'. I was furious. There were no other living victors for this district other than Blight, an older victor named Bon, and myself, so there was no question that I was going.

This essentially meant that I would be pushed into an arena to kill every other victor, including Katniss.

'FUCK! I hate the capitol, I hate Snow, and I hate the stupid ass hunger games!'

I took a deep breath and considered all of my options, as well as any unorthodox plans that could screw over the capitol and help this new revolution. I thought about the most obvious first option, which is to form allies with other victors. I already know just about everyone that will be involved, and I know that many of them have a disdain for President Snow and the capitol.

The problem is I doubt we can all just hold hands and refuse to kill each other. They will find a way to ensure that we die.

I need more information. I need more people on board with some kind of plan.

On the last night before being sent to the arena housing, I decide to bribe my way into an event in the capitol that involves a wide array of social elites, and there is where I meet Plutarch Heavensbee, this year's Gamemaker.

After thirty minutes or so of standing and scanning the room, he conveniently approaches me and offers me a drink. I accept the drink but I don't put it to my lips until he speaks, "Who would've thought that we would get to see all of these incredible victors in an arena, together." His words have a suggestive tone to them so I'm wary of his true meaning.

"Well these capitol cunts gotta find something to get their rocks off that tops last year." I say with an eye roll.

He chuckles at this and grins into his glass while muttering, "I wonder just what is the best way to topple things with the current state of the districts right now."

Once again his wording is unusual and there's a secret lining beneath his sentence. I decided to push it a little further and test the waters, "I've been wondering the same thing…Perhaps things are most easily toppled from within.."

He gives me a slow, knowing smile, almost as if to say 'You've got it.'

"I hope to meet again soon, Ms. Mason. Best of luck to you" And before he walks away he checks his pocket watch, being sure that I can see it. It has a small engraving of the mockingjay symbol that has become synonymous with Katniss and the revolution. My eyes widen and I let a mischievous grin come to my lips as I turn to leave.

I'm thrilled at this secret revelation and actually become rather antsy to get on the train to go to the victor's pre-game quarters. I'm also a little nervous to finally see her in person.

When Blight, myself, and our mentor Bon arrive in the living quarters it's obvious that they spared no expense for our rooms and meals. There was a banquet of food for dinner on the table as soon as we got there, and I picked at a couple of things silently for a few minutes before retiring to my room.

The train ride took a while from District 7 and when we first stopped we had to go through a rigorous check-in process that involved a medical examination and psychological evaluation. So by the time we made it into the living quarters, it was already late.

I changed the walls to simulate a forest, and slid into the most comfortable bed I've ever laid on. I had to fight to try not to imagine scenarios of how I would meet Katniss and what I would say, what she would say.

It worked well enough and I was able to easily off to a deep sleep.

I look up and find myself in a dark hallway. The hallway is lined with large portraits of victor's past. The weapons that were used to kill by those victors are pinned around the portraits. When I approach one, the portrait changes to a video of that victor's murdering the other tributes during their games. This video plays on a loop.

I don't know the person I'm looking at, and I care not to watch a stranger's slaughtering, so I move on down the hall.

I come across the portrait of Blight, my current co-District 7 victor. He killed three people with a lumber axe, and speared two others in the chest. These weapons were displayed, still blood-stained, around his portrait.

I have seen these deaths and so I wish to move on again.

I know what portrait is mine when I'm nearing the end of the hallway and I see one with a hatchet above it. Except the hatchet isn't just blood stained, it's actively dripping blood as if it were the day I used it to kill everyone.

The sight makes my stomach turn a little and I grit my teeth and turn my head. I've seen my savage attack on the other tributes in my games plenty of times after winning and touring the capitol. Being replayed on holographic TV's all over the districts, as well as in my mind. I don't need to see it again.

I take a deep breath and start walking away from the portrait and blood covered axe.

I'm at the end of the hall now, and I notice that the 74th portrait hanging only has one weapon as well, a bow and arrow. I know it's Katniss' portrait and I allow myself to watch her video.

However, instead of her killing people, it's just footage of her entire game. When it reaches the part where she finds Peeta and they go into the cave, I really take notice just how tender she is with him. I can feel the envy welling up in me, and I reach my hand out to touch the hologram, only to feel an electric shock throughout my whole body.

All of a sudden I'm lying in the cave that I was just looking at, and I can feel the searing pain of an injury in my leg.

Katniss has just arrived with the medicine from the cornucopia and she drops to her knees next to me. "Johanna, I got the medicine for your leg, I'll apply it for you."

'Holy shit, I can't believe it. I'm in the bread boy's spot, living out that super personal moment.'

She rips my pants open slightly which makes pain shoot through my leg and out through my mouth in an "ack!" noise.

She grins wryly, and starts applying the special cream to my leg. "You know you're a big baby for someone that won their games by killing nearly everyone."

I'm shocked that the dialogue is actually specific to me and not just a replay of what she said to Peeta. I trip over my words at first, "W-Well just because I did what I did that doesn't mean I don't feel pain."

"Hmm…I guess that's true. You've felt a lot of sorrow too haven't you?" She's being so gentle rubbing in the cream, and just the fact that she's touching me causes my face to color. I'm thankful for the darkness of this cave, but I think she can tell anyway.

"Yes, well, who hasn't in this world?" I say with a bit of attitude in my voice as I glance away.

She lets out a laugh, "I guess that's true as well, but that doesn't mean you can't still have happiness too."

"Happiness?! And how on earth would I manage th-" I'm cut off by her swinging a leg over my waist so that she's straddling me, and she leans down so that our faces are close.

"Maybe if you reach out and grab the opportunity for it, it will find you." Her voice is just over a whisper and her lips brush against my cheek as she slowly moves her face over mine in different areas.

I'm absolutely gobsmacked and am not very sure what to do so I stay still and hold my breath. She moves her face over to my ear and hums before lightly kissing the lobe, and my hips involuntarily jerk up into her.

She lets out a mewl and I think I might actually be the girl on fire.

I finally have enough sense not to waste this fantasy moment where I could technically do anything I wanted, so I place my hands on the sides of her legs close to her knees and start to slide them up towards her hips. She's the one that grinds down into me this time, and she brings her lips right up to mine and stops short by a hair's width, "I'll see you tomorrow, Johanna."

When I wake up from this dream I'm extremely disoriented, "Wha-, where..?"

I leaned up when I first awoke, but slammed back down when I realized my reality.

'Ugh, shit. Just what I needed, a dream to plague me for the next week.'

I move to get out of the bed and I can feel the wetness between my legs when I stand up. I decide to go take a shower and I have to fight the urge to touch myself while I'm under the warm water.

'I'll just use this frustration as fuel for the first day of training.'

I go down to the open area where the dining table is topped with an array of breakfast and brunch foods. I find that I'm actually quite hungry, so I grab a stack of pancakes and syrup as well as blueberries, strawberries, and bananas. I eat quickly and just enough to be about 75% full, and I head down to the training room. Blight goes with me and when we arrive there aren't many victors here yet except for the Careers and Enobaria.

I go over to a platform with several different kinds of axes, and the Career boy is there. Right as I reach for the hatchet that I want, he moves in and grabs it before I can. "Sorry, I was just about to use this one." His smile screams deception and ill intent.

"Go ahead, I can kill with anything." My lips slowly curl upwards into a dangerous smile, and he scoffs and frowns in response.

I don't give him the chance for another rebuttal, and I walk over to the simulation platform. The axe I ended up grabbing instead is a little small for my liking, but I know I can still make some useful progress with it. After all you never know what you will actually end up with in the games.

I'm also trying to quell the rage inside of me at some big doofus trying to get under my skin. I press start on the hologram program and faux attackers made of blocks jump out at me left and right.

I destroy them all with as much strength in my swings as I can muster, trying to go for one-hit-kill points on each one. The simulation ends and there are no more attackers, but I'm still so into the groove of my swings and imaginary slices that I keep going.

I'm cutting through the air, with the Career in my mind's eye losing an arm, then some fingers on the other hand when he holds his hand up to block my axe going down into his face.

Right as I slam the axe down for a final time into his head, I look up, and there she is.

Katniss Everdeen.

She's at the fishing gear table with Finnick's partner Mags. I didn't even notice her coming in as I was so caught up in the training. She seems nervous but oh so gorgeous, and she's looking right at me. So I smile, but I can't help the look in my eyes that's caused by recalling the dream I had last night, mixed with my heightened physical awareness and her real presence.

She must notice because her face reddens just slightly and she turns away like she's not bothered. But I saw it, the blush on her face. Even if she was just embarrassed or insecure or whatever caused her reaction, she had a reaction. Which means I can have an effect on her, or at the very least get her attention somehow.

I finish up and decide to go back to the living quarters for dinner. While I'm eating there's a knock on the door. I go look through the peephole, only to see Beetee without Wiress, which isn't very typical.

I open the door and raise one eyebrow in a questioning expression, and he grins before responding, "I'm here because I have some information that I'm told you might be interested in."

"Well well, come on in then. Blight isn't back yet and our mentor has been off trying to shmooze the other victor's mentors."

We go to the dining table and take seats across from each other. I offer him some wine and he takes it with a smile. I like Volts, he seems like a good guy and not at all like some of the snooty victors. His biggest downfall as well as asset is probably his brain.

He takes a sip and his expression turns serious, "I've spoken to Plutarch Heavensbee, and our mentors have been in contact with Haymitch Abernathy."

My face tenses a bit and I cease all movements with my hands on the utensils as I wait for him to continue.

"They have made some very bold…suggestions for how they believe these games can go."

"Oh? I also have had a rather interesting conversation with Plutarch. He thinks these games will be one for the history books…" I try my best to give him a meaningful look. I know that there's no guarantee that this room isn't bugged, so we have to be cautious with our words.

"I think he's right. Haymitch has approached our mentors with an offer of allying with Katniss and Peeta, though we haven't officially met them yet. They say that Finnick and Mags would also be a part of this allyship." He's nearly finished his wine now and pushes up the glasses on his face before finishing what he had to say. "And that's not all. The Morphlings have even made whispers of assisting our…cause. I wonder, if we were to have you and Blight adding to our little army, could victory come on swift wings for us all?" He officially finishes his wine and gives me one last long stare.

I give the look back and let the right side of my mouth tick up, "I think it could. I'll talk to Blight and our mentor tonight when they get back and fill them in. I'm sure you and I will get another chance to talk before the games." I walk him to the door and he leaves without a look back.

When Blight and Bon arrive that night, I fill them in as best I can on what's going on. They catch onto the intentions behind my words, and know that they should be ready to keep their eyes and ears open.

Bon tells me that they will talk to Haymitch and Effie, and see what intel they can gather. We say goodnight and when I go to my room and fall into bed, I'm surprised to feel the sleep take me almost immediately.

When I wake, I'm glad to know that I had a dreamless sleep. 'I could use a little less of distractions right now anyway.'

I get dressed and go downstairs to have breakfast. Bon and Blight are already at the table and both say "good morning" to me as I sit down. They're giving me the side eye for a few minutes until I finally shout "What!?", and they smile a little.

Blight pauses while eating to say "Today is the day of the interview with Caesar, you'll have to dress up and everything." He smiles coyly behind a piece of bread.

"Ugh! Gross. I just know the stylist will come up with the ugliest dress. Not to mention the fake bullshit of it all. I can't believe we have to do this." I know I'm being childish but I can't help it. I don't love wearing dresses and I hate doing anything for capitol TV.

"Just put up with it Johanna, please. This is a good chance for me to speak to the other mentors while you all are on stage." Bon pleads with his brown eyes while pouring himself some orange juice. I grumble a "Fine" and he thanks me before we enjoy the rest of the meal in relative silence.

After we eat and get ready, Blight and I head to the prep area to get into our ridiculous outfits and makeup. Our stylist, Lucel, is one of the capitol's butt plugs, and only cares about the fame she'll get from her work on our bodies when the cameras are rolling, not how comfortable we are or if we even like it.

She's finally finishing up her prodding of me when I look up and have my breath stolen right out of my lungs.

It's Katniss, and she's wearing an immaculate and large white wedding gown.

'I can't believe it. Why would she wear that? Don't tell me she would take this obvious charade with Peeta that far? Unless it's not a charade…'

The anger and jealousy I feel comes forth and snaps me out of my stupor. She doesn't see me so I walk up behind her and go to speak but only end up releasing the rage I'm feeling at her in one sarcastic comment.

"Really? A wedding dress?" I didn't mean for it to have that much bite, and I try to look composed.

"Snow's making me wear it" She says in a monotone voice, but even that near deadpan utterance sounded so easy to listen to. Her voice has a sort of deep hoarseness to it that I think would be very difficult to tire of.

I feel guilty for being angry at her, and I'm sure that even if the relationship between her and Peeta was real, she doesn't seem like the type to want to broadcast their personal life and wedding on television. I hate Snow even more for bearing down on her so much, and I want to say something more positive this time.

I come towards her and get close enough that I can see the color of her striking gray eyes, "Make him pay for it."

She gets called on stage and during her interview she spins for the dress to change to a beautiful black gown with wings, and the crowd eats her up, just like everyone else seems to. Including myself. I start to realize that if I want her attention, I need to do something drastic.

It's a bit immature to resort to such base measures, but what else can I do to make her notice me? She hasn't made any move to speak to me, and I don't know what makes her tick.

I need to gauge her reaction to something outrageous.

After my stupid interview in which I shouted into the camera, we're all going to leave and I see her, Haymitch, and Peeta going for the elevator. I know this would be the perfect time to perform my plan, though it's unfortunate that both of the boys are with her.

I find that I don't care though, because I could be dead in a few days, so if I'm going to be bold, I'm going to really be bold.

I hustle to catch the elevator doors from closing and get my hand in between them just in time. I can tell that she's surprised to see me because her eyes go wide.

I decide to flirt a little while I'm throwing my neck out on the line, "You guys look amazing", and I give only her an obvious once over. She mumbles a "thank you" as I turn around and commence my plan of undressing in front of her.

"My stylist is such an idiot. District 7, lumber, trees. Ugh. I'd love to put my axe in her face"

She's quiet and I can't help but wonder if she's looking at the skin I'm exposing. I think of a brilliant idea to tease her and also gauge her sensitivity when it comes to Peeta. I say as casually as possible, "So what do you think, now that the whole world wants to sleep with you?"

I can almost feel her making a face behind me and I wait for her to speak, "I don't think that th-" I spin around and look her right in the eyes while I cut her off, "I wasn't talking to you".

She seems taken aback by my outburst, and I make sure to drill into her eyes as much as possible, even while I turn my back to Peeta and ask him to unzip my dress. Her brows furrow down a bit and she looks almost angry. 'Uh oh, maybe they are lovers after all.'

I want to somehow convey that I'm not actually at all interested in Peeta, but I really just want to interact with her and get under her skin. I want her to remember me.

I finish undressing until I'm completely naked except for my shoes, and I never stop looking at her. I can feel the self-consciousness wanting to creep up on me but I don't let it phase me, and I keep my chin up in a confident demeanor.

Her face has become a deep red now and I can see her jaw working as she grits her teeth, then lets her jaw go slack in a funny expression, but she never breaks eye contact with me. If that were a challenge I gave her, she definitely lived up to it.

I'm slightly disappointed that she never looked down at my body, but I was also partially grateful because being nude in front of her eyes caused my nipples to pebble and I could feel myself growing damp between my legs. Unfortunately the boys definitely took this opportunity to ogle my body. I internally rolled my eyes at them.

I was relieved when the elevator dinged and the doors opened to my floor, but I was regretful to walk away from her.

I make sure to give her one final significant look before sauntering away, "Thanks, let's do it again sometime."

The next day was our last day of training, and also the last day to get any sort of plan together. Bon recommended over breakfast that I focus on hand to hand combat or wrestling during training today, and that Blight focus on long distance attacks.

Before we actually left to go to the training room, Bon stopped me in the kitchen to show me an apparently "very pretty painting". When I go to look at what they're pointing at, I see a small piece of paper wedged in the frame of the painting.

It has writing on it that says, "Big plans are already in motion. We need to crash the system with the help of Beetee and Plutarch, and protect Katniss."

I try to memorize every word on the page before I make a comment that the painting is the ugliest thing I've ever seen. Bon smiles at me and a few of their graying hairs fall in their face. "I thought you said once that the ugliest thing was Seneca Crane's beard?" I give them a smile in return but I walk away quickly.

I'm more charged up than ever as I go put my suit on and head to the training room with Blight.

When we get there, it's only the Careers, Morphlings, Beetee and Wiress. There are trainers at each section if anybody needs them, and I head to the wrestling area and ask for the assistance of the larger woman there.

She teaches me a few fighting positions and tricks to use in an emergency, and when she thinks I'm ready we have a real toe to toe match.

During the match my suit gets damaged beyond repair. I decided to just remove the whole thing and do the second match in just my underwear because who cares.

When we're finished I have quite a few abrasions on my body from hard landings and scrapings on the platform. The trainer tells me to get some of the offered coconut oil and rub it on any spots that chafed my skin.

I walked to the container with the oil and gathered a good helping onto my hand before starting to lather it on my body. It's then that I notice the presence of Katniss in the room, talking to Beetee and Wiress.

I wonder if I'll ever look at her and not have this low flame of desire in my belly. She's listening intently and looking up to where they're pointing. I can't stop looking at her, and she must feel my gaze because she scans the room for the source of the eyes upon her. I'm still rubbing the oil on myself when she sees me, and she doesn't look straight to my face or eyes like I thought she would, but instead at my body.

She stares for longer than a moment with a hooded expression, and I know I need to run with this moment.

I continue to move my hands over my body in an almost sensual manner, trying to interpret the look on her face.

After a few seconds, she looks at my eyes, and I give her a sly smile and the most intense gaze that I can muster. One that I hope says "I'd devour you."

Her eyes widen a bit and when I run my hands over my neck her eyes start to follow them.

'I can't believe it. What other reason could there be for her eyes glazing over while looking at my body than her being attracted to women? Attracted to me, even? I need to take advantage of this.'

I slide my hands over my shoulders and across my clavicles, all the while her eyes following. I tried to be a little more bold and start to drag my hands down my chest, but right at that moment Beetee decided to say something to her, and she looked away.

'Curse you Volts!' I scowl in his direction and he glances at me for a moment, trying to hide his tiny smile.

I accepted what I was able to get and went to put a new suit on. They keep at least 5 back ups for all of the tributes during training.

When I was dressed I came out five minutes later to see everyone walking towards the archery enclosure. I have a feeling I know who's garnering their attention, so I try to move ahead of the crowd to get a front row spot.

Sure enough, she's in there. The simulation has just started and she's destroying those orange blockheads faster than they can get a few steps on her. It's incredible, she's incredible. The way she draws an arrow and slides it into the bow so effortlessly, how she takes aim so calmly and precisely. It's obvious she's in her element.

What a show it was, and it didn't help to alleviate the hunger I felt for her. I can't help but to pull my lower lip in between my teeth while squeezing my legs together.

When she was done, Katniss turned to the glass wall with a proud smile on her face, and I can tell she wasn't expecting us all to be there. Her smile unfortunately vanishes and she runs her eyes over everyone, but she surprisingly stops for a moment on me.

I'm made aware that I'm still biting my lip and I send my tongue out to soothe it, but when our eyes meet I change my expression to a more aloof one.

I want her to sense my desire but I also don't want to give her any power over me. I still don't actually know Katniss, I just want to. She could be thinking about how she's going to trick me and kill me in the games for all I know.

A voice in the back of my head says that she won't do that, she's not like I am. But she doesn't know that I'm on her side, so her defensiveness would be understandable. There's also the possibility that she was really put off by the elevator incident, but then the oil incident didn't seem so bad so that doesn't make sense.

All I know right now is that I need to try and protect her. Along with Beetee, Wiress, Finnick, Blight, and Peeta. If whatever plan is in motion is going to succeed, it hinders on these people.

She looks away from me and…'Is that a smirk!? The daring of this girl!'

I leave in a huff because I want to retain some dignity.

When I make it back to the living quarters I take a hot shower and put on my loosest set of clothes for pajamas.

I go back downstairs to have dinner with Blight and Bon. They are already talking when I get there about who they think would be the best allies.

I fix a plate of food and try to appear careless as I ask Bon "So, did you speak to Haymitch or Effie today about who Katniss wants to ally with?"

Bon gives me a squinted guilty look, "I'm sorry Johanna, he said that she hadn't mentioned anyone other than Mags, Beetee, and Wiress. However, he said that they would welcome you as an ally, regardless of Katniss knowing about it. We talked about plenty of other things too…I think allying yourself with Beetee and Wiress automatically connects you to Katniss and Peeta, which is good. That's the side we want to be on."

I'm a little miffed by the fact that she didn't even bring up my name. 'Maybe I didn't actually have that much of an effect on her, or maybe it was just the wrong effect...'

I try not to look forlorn by digging into some turkey and mashed potatoes in front of me. Blight sees my demeanor and tries to cheer me up, "You know…I saw her watching you after your wrestling training. Maybe she's just intimidated by you and afraid you'll kill her!"

'Sigh, I was afraid of that.'

"Yeah you're right. It's not like I care that much anyways. I'll just be an ally from the shadows, and reveal myself at the right moment as a good guy." I smile as I take another spoonful of the potatoes.

I say goodnight to them both after eating and head up to my room for one last night of (hopefully) peaceful sleep. I set the wallpaper to forest and curl up under the covers.

My mind is replaying the day and trying to decipher all of the looks that Katniss gave me. I started to fidget remembering her eyes on me while I was rubbing the oil on. Then of course I think about her in the archery simulator, which causes me to squeeze the blanket in my fists.

Once I let it set in that this could be the last night of my life, I think 'Fuck it', and begin to slide my hands down my body towards my underwear.

I imagine Katniss at the edge of the bed, watching me like she did in the training room.

I recall the dream I had where she straddled me, and I combine it with the newer knowledge I have of her voice in person as well as her physique. It doesn't take long to get worked up, and my hand dives beneath the fabric of my underwear.

In my imagination she crawls onto the bed and towards me, reaching out to touch my leg just as my fingers brush through my curls and find my clit. I jerk my hips up slightly and bite my lip.

I imagine her coming even closer and kissing my stomach, which draws a moan from my throat and my fingers start moving faster. I've got two fingers on my right hand making circles on my clit before sliding down to gather wetness and then coming back up to continue the pleasureful circles. I wish I could thread my fingers through her hair and pull, but I have to settle for the sheets beneath me.

Just as the fantasy Katniss sticks her tongue out to lick the skin above my underwear, I cum with fantastic waves of pleasure that roll through me a few times before slowly dissipating. I continue touching myself a bit as I come back down from that high. I kind of can't believe how quickly I came from that fantasy, but I try not to dwell on it.

I let out a breath and rolled onto my side, removing my hand from my underwear. Now I'll be able to sleep peacefully.

The next day comes too soon and with not enough sleep. I wake up and go down to the dining room for the last time.

We have a sort of quiet breakfast with nobody trying to acknowledge reality. It's nice but my heart knows what's to come. I eat the highest calorie food on the table and chug as much water as I can. About an hour later they called for me to go to the arena.

I ride in the ship there with Bon, and they inject a tracker into my arm.

When we get inside the room with the single elevator platform, I'm given the clothes that I'll be wearing for the games.

Bon is fixing my clothes with me and they pretend to be adjusting the shirt on my back as they whisper "It's a go. Protect Katniss and Beetee with your life. If we really want to flip things here on their head this mission is imperative. That's all you need to know." They slap me on the back and I step into the elevator. I can feel my heart rate picking up as it starts to ascend.

'Here we go.'

I'm broken out of my musings of the past events when I feel something wet hit my face. I open my eyes from my position on the rock and hold my hand out palm up. Sure enough there are what feel like rain droplets coming down, but it's too thick and dark to be water.

I bring my hand up to my face and inhale, then twist my mouth up at the metallic smell of blood. This isn't good.

"Blood! Get the hell up! It's raining blood!" I shout at them but the last word gets drowned out by the absolute downpour of the dark red liquid. Everyone jumps up and tries to gather their things, but it's so difficult to see.

I can hear Wiress choking on it and I hold my hand over my eyes while I clumsily make my way over to them, reaching out to grab them.

"We need to hold onto each other and move! To the beach!"

We managed to connect our hands to each other's arms or clothing as Beetee shouted "Go east! The beach is to the east of us", so we started to quickly shuffle to our right through the jungle.

After dodging fallen trees and bushes while gagging and slipping everywhere, we began moving through an area with strangely flat terrain and not as many trees, so we picked up speed.

Nobody's blood-soaked eyes could see the drop off in front of us, and we all went tumbling.

Beetee, Wiress, and I stayed relatively close while rolling down the hill, but Blight tried to purposefully roll his body to the right to avoid a jagged broken tree.

I just managed to grab onto a branch before I made it to the bottom and when I looked over, Blight was mid-air, sailing face first towards what looked like a small pond, where it strangely wasn't raining blood.

I let out a sigh of relief that he was going to land in the water and make it, but right before he reached the water he slammed face first into a forcefield, which sparked and threw him back several yards.

"Blight! No!" I tried to run sideways while grabbing upright trees and branches on this hill to get to him. I felt like I couldn't stop slipping and I had to use all of my strength to grip the branches with my blood-covered hands.

Beetee and Wiress were dealing with their own wounds at the bottom of the hill.

When I made it to him I could see just how badly the forcefield burned his face. He wasn't breathing, and even if we attempted to resuscitate him, his eyes would no longer work, and he would need extensive surgery for his mouth and nose. He would die of a slow, terrible infection here.

I solemnly realized that the most merciful and kind thing we could do for him would be to let him go.

Beside where the pond was, there was an invisible line drawn down the land where it was raining blood on one side and clear on the other. The forcefield was literally surrounding only the pond, and I could see the faint shimmer it gave off, like a giant forcefield column. Ready to destroy anyone that tried to utilize the pond's essence.

I could also see the beach just through those trees on the clear side maybe a hundred yards away.

I lean down and grab Blight's body under his arms and drag him towards the clear side around the pond's force field.

Then I go back to the side of raining blood and attempt to get Beetee and Wiress up. Beetee is already on his hands and knees when I get there, and he's trying his best to stand up while holding onto Wiress' arm and the coil.

"I can't see! Johanna!" Beetee is calling in the most desperate voice I've ever heard him use.

"I'm here! I'm coming." I make it to them and hoist Wiress up and over my shoulder as quickly as I can without slipping and dropping her. Working with lumber in my District helped me get strong when it comes to lifting lots of weight. I'm grateful for that now.

"Beetee you're going to have to get the hell up and make it on your own!" I shout at Beetee as I start to jog towards the side where there's no blood.

He manages to get up and follow close behind me by seeing my blurry figure in front of him.

We finally make it to the clear side and I immediately drop Wiress on the ground and collapse, breathing heavily.

It's impossible to wipe my mouth and eyes with my hands because they're also covered in blood. I see Beetee move towards the pond.

"Don't try to wash it off in there, it has a force field surrounding it." I say between spitting the copper flavored substance from my mouth.

It's then that they both notice Blight's body on the ground, and they get a good look at his mangled face. Beetee swallows hard and looks down, "I hate to sound insensitive but they'll be here any minute to take his body." He stands then, wavering slightly, "We need to go to the beach now, we can wash off in the water there."

I grit my teeth but grunt in agreement. However, Wiress is muttering something to herself quietly.

"What's that Nuts? Do you agree with the plan or not?" I raise an eyebrow and lean down to hear what she's mumbling.

"Tick tock, tick tock", she was rapidly repeating this over and over.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Get up. We need to go" She has a glazed look in her eyes and can't seem to get her bearings.

I'm starting to feel beyond anxious. 'This isn't good. We just started these games, we've already lost one and we're barely making it with who's left.'

Assisting Wiress with walking, we manage to start the trek to the beach while the blood is still dripping off of our bodies.