Confessions

"Keep the bow steady," Aela reminded her. "Aim for the middle and release."

Aila let loose the arrow and watched it fly. It landed a good few inches from the bullseye. "Not bad," Aela said. "Keep this up, and you might get as good with the bow as I am."

Aila looked excitedly over to Kathryn for approval, but she was too busy sparring with Vilkas to notice. Aila turned glumly back to the target before nocking another arrow. "This time try to take note of the wind," Aela said.

Aila pulled back and aimed. She sucked in and held her breath to steady her hand. She could feel the wind blowing. She turned a bit to the left and let go. This time the arrow landed just a couple of inches above the bullseye. "Ha!" Aela exclaimed. "There's no doubt about it Aila. You're a natural with the bow."

Aila was beaming with joy. She had never been this good with anything before. Most everything she tried, she mucked up. It was good to have something she did well. Aila watched Kathryn as her sparring session came to an end. She had picked up on swordplay quickly. She was able to block a majority of Vilkas' attacks and could even land a few hits of her own. Aila, on the other hand, wasn't doing much better than when she began. While she was getting stronger, Aila was still considerably weak. Every sword she carried was to heavy for her to use properly. She felt weighted when she used one, and that it only impaired her performance. Aila once asked if she could use a dagger instead of a sword, as it was lighter, but Vilkas only laughed. "A dagger is no weapon to be used in a fight," he had said, so she continued to use a sword. Every day Aila had more bruises than the previous, and she was constantly in pain from the soreness that came with her daily training. She watched as Kathryn took a swing at Vilkas, only to have her sword stopped by his shield.

Lately, Aila's feelings for Kathryn have been growing. The more she was with her, the more flustered she became. After every training session, Aila would go with Kathryn and spend some time with her. Sometimes Kathryn would walk around the city aimlessly, look around the market, or go somewhere quiet and practice her spells. Whatever she did, Aila was always close behind. Sometimes Aila would worry Kathryn would tire of her constant presence, but she seemed to enjoy having her around. The worst part of Aila's day was when night came. Night meant it was time to sleep, which meant she couldn't be near Kathryn.

After their room at the tavern expired, Aila had to sleep with the Companions. She had been lucky, though. The sleeping quarters comprised of two rooms, one of which was entirely empty. That was the room where Aila slept. Every night, Aila would lay down on her bed, and memories of her first night in Whiterun would come rushing back to her. She remembered laying in Kathryn's arms, the warmth of her body next to Aila's. She often wondered how Kathryn felt about her. Did she think of that night as Aila did? Or was she just trying to comfort her, because of the nightmare she had? Either way, the bed seemed cold without her. Each morning, Aila would immediately go looking for Kathryn. As soon as she saw her, she had to resisted the urge to run over and kiss her. It was an odd feeling, wanting to kiss another woman, but she wanted to badly. She could imagine the feeling of Kathryn's warm lips upon her own. The thought was enticing.

Aila's thoughts were disturbed when Aela called out to her. "Aila!" she said. "What are you looking at? We're not done here yet, you still have a few more minutes."

"Sorry," Aila said and nocked an arrow. She loosed five more arrows, but none of them came as close to the bullseye as the last one. Even so, Aila prided herself on hitting the target every time. And with that, she was done for the day. Tomorrow she would train her swordplay with Vilkas. She dreaded that thought. Aila and Kathryn alternated their training between the bow and the sword everyday. One day, Aila would train with the bow and Kathryn with the sword, the next, Aila with the sword and Kathryn with the bow. But her training was over, and now she could be with Kathryn. She set down her bow and ran over to Kathryn, who was taking off her shield. "Kat, look!" Aila exclaimed "I almost hit the middle!"

Kathryn looked over and smiled. That simple action made Aila's heart skip a beat. "Wow," she said. "Good job, I don't think I could ever get that close."

Aila smiled at the compliment. "So what are you going to do today?" she asked

"I think I'm going to go practice some spells. Do you want to come with me?"

"Of course."

They left Jorrvaskr and headed outside the gates of Whiterun. They walked around the wall a bit until they came across a creek. This was the ideal spot for Kathryn to practice. No one was around to complain, and it was out-of-the-way so nothing bad would happen if there were any accidents. "Can you do that one spell with the light?" Aila asked.

"Candlelight?"

"Yeah, that one."

Kathryn had already gotten a job from the Companions. It was pretty simple: go to a nearby cave and clear out some wolves, but with the money she got from it she was able to by a couple new spell tomes. "Sure," Kathryn said.

She held out her hand and focused. Aila saw a light forming in her hand. Kathryn closed her hand a bit, seemingly squeezing the light, and then quickly opened her hand and threw it into the air. The little ball of light floated there, unsupported. It was bright, like a miniature sun. Aila reached up and tried to touch it, but it slipped right through her fingers. "It's so pretty," Aila said. Just like you.

"Yeah," Kathryn agreed. "It is."

Aila looked at her. She was so beautiful. Her silver eyes were reflecting the light, making them seem to glow. Aila wondered what would happen if she confessed her feelings to Kathryn right now. Would she be disgusted? Would the thought of being with another woman revolt her? Or would it be the opposite, and she felts the same way? Kathryn caught her looking, but she just smiled at her. Aila looked away in embarrassment.

Kathryn held out her hand and began to focus again. This time a little blizzard formed around her hand. She squeezed her hand and Aila saw an icicle starting to form. She held it for a bit longer before throwing it into the air. It flew up past the little light and kept on going until it disappeared from sight. "How many of those can you do at a time?" Aila asked.

"Let's find out. That was one." She held out both her hands this time, and she formed the icicles faster than the first. She threw one. "Two." as soon as she threw it she started to form another. She threw the one in her other hand. "Three." When one was finished she threw it and immediately started another. "Four. Five. Six." It was taking longer for her to complete the icicles. "Seven." She tried to throw one more, but it shattered as soon as it left her hand. By the end of it she was breathing heavily. "Seven. That's how many... I can throw."

"I had no idea it was such hard work," Aila said.

"It normally isn't, but... I don't have much magicka... and I haven't been properly trained." Kathryn said, gasping between breaths.

"What do you do when you're out of magicka?"

"Wait. It comes back gradually. There are also magicka potions to restore it instantly, but I can't afford any of those."

"What if you're in a middle of a fight and you run out?"

"Then it's a good idea to have a weapon on you."

"Oh. I guess it's a good thing you're taking lessons in swordplay then," Aila said.

"Yeah. I think a lot of mages think their magic is enough for them, and they end up dead because of it."

The ball of light started flickering. "I thinks it's about to go out," Aila said. Sure enough, the light slowly faded until disappearing all together.

"It seems to only last about a minute," Kathryn said.

"What other spells to you know?" Aila asked.

"The only other spell I know is Oakflesh."

"What's that do?"

"It's supposed to protect you from physical attacks."

"Really? How?"

"I'll show you in a moment, once I've regained enough magicka."

They waited for a bit longer, and Aila continued to watch Kathryn. Gods, she was so beautiful. She wanted to move closer to her. Wrap her arms around her. Kiss her. She wanted to do something. She tried to grabbed Kathryn's hand, but her arm wouldn't move. She was too damn nervous.

Finally Kathryn spoke. "Okay, I think I have enough now." She closed her eyes and made an arcane gesture. Suddenly her body flashed with light. When her eyes opened her whole body looked like it was covered with a shiny coating. "Here, feel." She held out her arm. Aila reached out and touched it.

"Whoa," Aila said. It was hard as a rock.

"The spell tome said that it can only take a certain amount of damage before it breaks," Kathryn said. "There are other, stronger spells that can take more damage." Aila wrapped her hand around her arm. "I can't even feel that." Kathryn said.

"That's so cool," Aila said. Then the spell ended.

The shiny layer disappeared, and Aila was left holding Kathryn's arm. Her warm, smooth arm. I should probably let go now, Aila thought. She drew circles with her thumb on Kathryn's arm.

"Um... Aila? Can I have my arm back, please?"

Aila looked up at her. Kiss her. Right now. Just do it. "S...sorry," she said and let go. She looked down at her feet, too embarrassed to look at Kathryn. She leaned against the wall of Whiterun and sat down. I'm such a coward. She wanted to cry.

"Are you alright, Aila?"

No. "Yes."

"That's a blatant lie." Kathryn sat down next to her. "What's wrong?"

Everything. "Nothing."

"Did you have another nightmare?"

"No."

"Then what is it?"

I'm in love with you. "I'm fine, Kat. Really."

Kathryn gave her a doubtful look. "Aila..." She grasped Aila's hand. "You know you can tell me anything. What is it?"

Aila couldn't hold back her tears any longer, and she started to weep. If you were a man, this would be so much easier. But Aila wouldn't change Kathryn for the world. When she saw her tears, Kathryn didn't say a word. She only put an arm around her and held her quietly. She was obviously puzzled over Aila's sudden breakdown, but she didn't press it any further. For that, Aila was grateful. All she wanted was to be in Kathryn's arms. If she confessed, this could be a common occurrence. Or Kathryn would never speak to her again. Aila didn't know if she could handle that.

Eventually, Aila's tear's ceased to flow, but Kathryn continued to hold her. "Kat," Aila asked. "Have you ever loved anybody?"

"I had a crush once, when I was a child," Kathryn replied.

"Who was it?"

"Sven."

"The bard?"

"Yeah. It didn't last very long though. He thought I was a freak, just like everyone else in Riverwood. It's one of the main reasons why I left."

"I don't think you're a freak," Aila said.

Kathryn smiled. "I know you don't. That's why I asked you to come with me." The sky was turning orange. "Come on," Kathryn said. "We should get back before the guards close the gates for the night."

Aila would sooner stay out here, with Kathryn, but then they would get locked outside for the night, and in the harsh lands of Skyrim, one did not want to be locked outside without protection from the cold. "Okay," Aila said. She stood up and followed Kathryn back into the gates of Whiterun.

As they neared Jorrvaskr, Kathryn asked "Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"

Aila desperately wanted her to stay. She almost said yes, but then she thought of the Companions. What would they think if they saw them? Then she thought of how Kathryn rarely slept. She would probably have to stay up all night lying restlessly in a bed. "No, I'll be alright." she said. Kathryn nodded and continued walking. They arrived just as the sun was setting, where they found Aela at the door, waiting for them.

"Aela," Kathryn said. "What are you doing here?"

"There are some important matters that need... discussing."

"Like what?"

"This isn't the place. Follow me."

"Um... okay." She turned to Aila. "I'll see you in the morning."

"No," Aela said. "She's coming as well."

"Huh?" Aila said. What was she needed for?

"You heard me." she started walking away.

Aila looked at Kathryn, who shrugged and went after her. At first, Aila thought she was leading them up to the forge, but right before they reached the stairs leading up to them, Aela turned and stopped in front of the stone wall. "What are we doing here, Aela?" Kathryn asked. She didn't answer. Aela placed her hand on the wall and pushed on it. Aila squeaked in surprise when a section of the stone wall suddenly lifted up to reveal a secret cave.

"In here," Aela said.

"What's going on?" Kathryn asked. Again, no answer.

They followed Aela into cavern under the forge. In the middle was a large basin, elevated by a pillar. There was a tunnel on the other side of the cavern shrouded in darkness. Aela walked over and leaned on the basin. Aila and Kathryn took their places across from her.

Kathryn was growing impatient. "Well?" she said. "What did you want to discuss?"

Aela looked between the two of them silently. Finally she turned to Aila. "Do you know what lycanthropy is?" Aila thought she saw Kathryn flinch slightly.

"You... you mean like werewolves?" Aila asked.

"Yes, werewolves."

"What about them?"

"Do you know what kinds of side effects are caused from lycanthropy?"

"What are you doing, Aela?" Kathryn asked. Her voice was shaking a bit.

Aela ignored her. "Answer me, Aila."

"Uh... you mean besides turning into a giant wolf every full moon?" Aila said, half jokingly. Aela didn't smile. "No, I don't"

"I'll tell you then. There are three main side effects. A werewolf's blood run hot in their veins, making their bodies extremely warm. That's the first."

"What are you doing, Aela?" Kathryn asked again. "Why are you telling her this?" She seemed almost scared. That worried Aila.

Aela continued, disregarding Kathryn. "Second, werewolves have a massive increase in energy and stamina, which usually results in being unable to sleep for many days at a time."

Why is she telling me this?

"Aela, please stop." Kathryn pleaded. Suddenly the pieces clicked together. No, it can't be true. She's not, it isn't true.

"And finally..." Aela hesitated a moment. "Werewolves have silver eyes that turn yellow during a transformation."

Aila couldn't believe her ears. If what she said was true, Aela was a werewolf. So was Vilkas, and Kodlak. As well as Farkas, Vilkas' brother who Aila met only briefly, and Skjor, the one-eyed man she did her best to avoid. But above all, so was Kathryn.

"Kat... is that true?" Aila asked.

Kathryn turned to face her. She had a scared expression on her face. "Aila, I... I'm not... I don't... I'm sorry."

Gods above... "I... I have to go," Aila said. She walked away as quickly as she dared. She didn't even realize she had gone through the dark tunnel, instead of the entrance. Aila felt tears rolling down her cheeks, and she tried to wipe them away. She remembered the day Kathryn and her left Riverwood. Kathryn had been so angry then, from the villagers insults. Her eyes had turned yellow. She must have been close to transforming.

The tunnel ended abruptly. Aila stood right at the edge of the ledge. Below her was the ground, and outward was the vast expanse of Skyrim. It seemed the tunnel led out of the city. The drop was only about five or six feet down but it was enough to deter Aila. The only way to go was back.

"Aila, wait!" Kathryn called. She came running after her. "Please, Aila, wait." It wasn't like she had anywhere to go. "I'm sorry." she said. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"How?" Aila asked, her voice shaking. "How could you not tell me something like that?"

"Because I was afraid. I was afraid that if you know the truth, you would be scared of me. Everyone in Riverwood thought I was a freak. I couldn't stand you thinking that as well." She was close to tears. "It's hard, Aila. Living like I am. Every day I have to fight these urges. I have to resist pouncing on every small animal I see, and I have to stop myself from mauling anyone who even slightly upsets me. But when I'm with you... when I'm with you, I don't feel that way. Aila, please..." She tried to grab Aila's hands.

Aila recoiled at her touch. "No, don't touch me."

Kathryn snapped her hands back. Aila saw tears rolling down her cheeks. It made Aila's stomach turn. She had never actually seen her cry before. Kathryn didn't tell her the most paramount fact about her life, and it hurt. But seeing her here, like this... It was more painful than anything Kathryn may or may not have told her. "Kat... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"No," Kathryn said. "You have every right to be afraid of me."

"I'm not afraid."

"I would be, in your place." She went quiet for a moment. "Aila?"

"What?"

"Remember earlier, when you asked me if I ever loved anybody?"

Why was she bringing this up? "Yes."

"Well... there's someone else I loved as well."

"Who?"

"You."

Aila was dumbstruck. "W...what did you say?"

"I said I love you, Aila."

She couldn't believe it. Aila had been mulling over whether or not to tell Kathryn her true feelings for days, and then Kathryn was suddenly confessing that she loved her. "I love you too, Kat." She must have been caught up in the shock of it all and said it too casually.

"No, Aila, I mean I'm in love with you. I know it's weird; a woman isn't supposed to be attracted to another woman, but I am. I love you. I love your hair, and your beautiful blue eyes. I love your cute little smile and your..." Aila cut her off with a kiss.

She stepped forward and placed her lips on Kathryn's. She was taller than her, so Aila had to stand on her toes. Aila wrapped her arms around Kathryn's waist as they kissed. Eventually, they broke apart for air. Aila looked into Kathryn's silver eyes. "I love you too, Kat."