Set just after the end of the second series.

"Uther was convinced that Merlin was Gaius' son and treated him as such at all times, which gave the young sorcerer a kind of benefit of the doubt that a random village boy would certainly not have received."

Elanor Wright

"The shadow of the great king."

It was supposed to be proof

One of the things I dislike most is the smell of cooked nettles. I can take a lot, but it just makes me sick. So when that awful smell woke me up, I groaned desperately and stuck my head under the pillow. Before I did, I had time to notice that it was dawn. I was surprised that Gaius had yet to tear me out of my bed. After yesterday's brawl, it seemed, he decided to leave me alone. However, it wasn't expected that Arthur would show such kindness. He had no reason to do so.

I will have to get up, go to him, do what he orders and hear what a useless servant I am, and if necessary, save his prince's fat ass.

"For what?" Said the rebellious voice in my head. I ignored him, so he began hitting painfully against the inside of the skull. A tease, he must have acquired a hammer and tapped like that from time to time, at the least appropriate moments.

Knock, knock, for what? For what? Knock, knock, knock...

After a while, I took the pillow off my head, because I started to suffocate. I was still lying. I knew I should really get up, but I just didn't feel like it. For what? Why am I supposed to get up? For whom? Frea is dead, my father is dead, Gaius has been doing without me for many years. It won't make any difference to anyone if I sleep this day. And then another. And another. It will be even better for everyone, because when I sleep, I will at least not bring any misfortune on Camelot, for example in the form of a mad dragon.

All this talk about destiny, about the bond between Arthur and me, the prophecies about my alleged participation in building a wonderful kingdom, I took for the moment as nonsense, invented by someone for some unspecified purpose. Yes, there were moments when it seemed to me that I was finding a thread of understanding with Arthur, that we became important to each other, that there must be something in it. Moments. Short. Fleeting. Or is it just a delusion? Maybe my defense strategy, helping me to come to terms with my own dissimilarity, not accepted by anyone here?

I was wobbling dangerously on the edge of waking and dreaming, leaning much more towards dream-dreams when I heard someone come in from the hallway.

No wonder, actually. Probably the first patients.

"I don't need to tell you who I'm looking for and what will I do when I find him," a familiar voice filled with irritation. Oh yeah, I should have seen it coming. The Prince missed me. I mean, he can't get dressed and he has a problem. And I too will have a problem soon. Big as from here to Ealdor. Damn it! I still miss a day in stocks, to the complete of the last attractions.

"Sire... Merlin isn't feeling well today," Gaius replied calmly. I was dumbfounded. My guardian lied (moderately effective, by the way) to excuse my absence when I was doing something that Arthur had no right to know, but never to give me some free time. What is this feast today? Goodness day for annoying charges?

"Oh, what happened to him?" Arthur's mockery stung his ears. I propped myself up on my elbow. The little tease with a hammer tapped himself three times, roughly in the vicinity of the temples. I finally realized that I had a headache. A nice discovery for a good start to the day.

"He was poisoned by something', replied Gaius. I began to wonder if this was true by any chance. I didn't feel very well.

"What? Cider?" Arthur snorted. I bit my lower lip. It irritated me. I felt like standing in the doorway and saying, "I AM NOT A DRUNKARD, dolophead."

"No. He was with you all the time yesterday, my lord."

A moment of silence. The information must be quite difficult to process. I wished I could see his expression. I was very curious if he got tired.

"So?" he said finally.

"So that's not what you think."

"Then what?"

"I don't know, but…' Gaius hesitated. "It doesn't look like anything serious."

The sound of the door closing. Weird. The prince left without any comment? Without any malice directed at me? Do we also have a day of goodness today for useless servants? It would be too much luck at once.

'Gaius...'

No, Arthur didn't leave though.' He just closed the door to keep the guards from eavesdropping. They do it often. Actually, it's their favorite activity. Even more favorite than a game of dice.

A few words were spoken very softly. My hearing - without boasting - is good, but I wasn't able to understand it. All I caught was Gaius' answer.

"It's not surprising. I'll do my best, although recently it's been really hard."

"I'll be grateful." Arthur returned to normal volume. "And tell Merlin to be more careful about what he eats and drinks, because I'm not going to look for some flowers for him in the caves once again." Gaius laughed shortly.

"There is no need to do so, my lord. What I have at my disposal is enough."

"Oh, and one more thing. If he doesn't get it together by tomorrow, he may not come to work at all."

"I think he will be well tomorrow."

Arthur left. I waited a moment, scrambled out from under the covers, and carefully peeked out of the room. The hated scent attacked with redoubled force, making me feel dizzy. Gaius was clearly organizing the ingredients, because the table and its surroundings were cluttered with larger and smaller packages. There wasn'thing suspicious about the fire; apparently the nettle decoction had cooled down.

Gaius closed the cupboard he had just finished rummaging in, turned and looked at me. I smiled hesitantly. I felt stupid. Stupid like a horse in a hat. Yesterday I yelled at him, slammed the door, and he didn't seem to be even a little angry with me.

"Have you heard everything?" He asked.

"Most," I said. "Thanks," I added after a moment.

"Don't get used to it," he muttered, sitting down on the bench and shifting a few bundles. At this point, I understood why he decided to give me a day off. He clearly needed help.

I went to the table to assess the mess. It looked much worse up close. Tragically, to tell the truth. Work until the evening. Well… As we say in my homeland: beheading instead of hanging. But it's always a day without Arthur.

"What do I do with it?" I asked.

"What?" Gaius raised his eyebrows slightly. "Oh, with it. Nothing. I'll clean it up soon. I lost a whole box of new ampoules and I'm trying to find it now. Get yourself some food and go back to bed."

"Why?"

"You're officially sick, so use it and get some sleep."

"Why?" I repeated the question, looking at him suspiciously.

"Because you look terrible."

"So you decided to get me a day off?" I glared at him. I didn't like it anymore, though there wasn't nothing disturbing about the expression on his face.

"You're not going anywhere from here, everything will be released, but at least you'll have a chance to get some rest. And don't look at me like that. Contrary to what half of the castle heard yesterday, I care how you feel."

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "What I said... I shouldn't…'

"It's all right," he interrupted me. "But for the future, I would prefer that we talk to each other like civilized people."

I nodded and started to prepare my breakfast, even though I wasn't particularly hungry.

Yesterday's brawl started as usual with nonsense. I had not yet had time to enter the chamber well when I was told that I was to deliver some medications. I just had a hard day behind me. Recently, it has not been easy at all. Everywhere I looked, the effects of Kilgharah's attack were visible, and I heard almost every now and then who had died, who had suffered. I just met Tina, a nice old woman who supervises the castle kitchen. She tried to find out where and if her relatives were buried at all. She lost her entire family. My fault. And she hugged me and whispered, 'I'm glad you're alive.' It hurt. And it was a knocking pain.

The victims were not anonymous. The victims had faces and names. I was able to make a list of those I killed, because I saw practically all of them at least once in my life. Mass murder using a dragon, that should be the accusation. Sentence: death by burning at the stake. Do it immediately!

Anyway, when I heard that I had to go somewhere else that day, look at the eyes of the families of the next victims, I couldn't stand it and said… I shouted a few words too many, although I had no right. Though I should have gone.

I didn't go anywhere. Spoiled by dinner, I locked myself in my room. I spent half the night lying curled up like a dog, trying to erase the horrible scenes that kept coming back from under my lids. When I finally fell asleep, they also didn't disappear, but reappeared over and over again in a chaotic tangle of dream visions.

"You eat as if the food bites you?" Gaius said, giving me a slightly worried look. Indeed, there was no less bread and cheese on my plate. Every bite was almost in my throat, although I hadn't had dinner yesterday.

"This bread isn't the best," I muttered. Gaius cut a piece of himself and tried ..

"I'ts not bad," he said. "But if you don't like it that much, I'll buy the rolls when I get back from the sicks."

"Thanks," I said without conviction.

I woke up in the afternoon, in fact I was awakened quite abruptly. Someone was tugging at my hand. I didn't have to open my eyes to know to whom I owe my awakening, with the leitmotif of burning buildings. A sigh of relief escaped me involuntarily. The nightmare was extremely realistic.

"Wake up, you idiot. Can you hear me? Wake up."

Arthur spoke softly, not screaming as was his habit, which immediately triggered the alarm bell in my head.

"What's happening?"

"Can you get up?"

„"I don't know," I replied truthfully. I wasn't sure if I could lift my strangely heavy head.

"Don't joke, Merlin. You are definitely not that sick."

He tugged my hand again. There was something so desperate about it that I finally opened my eyes and looked at him. His face was quite peculiar, difficult to decipher.

"Is it on fire here?" I asked before I could bite my tongue.

"Don't even tell me about the fires. Get up."

I sat down. Arthur seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

"What is it?"

"Gwen wants you to come see her."

At that moment, I was shocked. Few things surprised me by now, but that definitely qualified as utter absurdity. I pinched myself discreetly, because there was a chance that I was still dreaming. It hurt.

"And she asked you about it? Of all people, you?"

"Yeah. What's weird about that? I would have to relieve you of your duties if you were to do so. I told her it was impossible because you got drunk, but she almost begged me to send you when you sober up, so get your ass off."

I leapt to my feet. It was really too much.

"„I don't get drunk!" I protested. To my greatest amazement, Arthur smiled slightly.

"But that sounds better than the poor boy got poisoned. More masculine."

"Thanks," I muttered, looking for something to throw at myself. I was completely awake and the darkest scenarios started to appear in my head.

"Has something happened to her? Is she sick?" I asked. Considering my not well-being, I began to conclude that there might be an epidemic of some kind.

"No, she's fine."

"Then she didn't say what's going on?"

"Oh, I don't know, it's probably your girl's business. She cared a lot."

"Okay, I'll go to her, just…'

"You're going now. I want to see you left."

"I'll just dress decently," I finished. "You don't know where is Gaius?" I asked, walking into the main chamber.

"I have no idea," he replied. There was something about it that made me assume he wasn't telling the truth. I was getting worse and worse.

Arthur came out in front of me and for some reason started yelling at the guards, who seemed to get smaller with his every word. I slipped past them and set off for a run. It didn't matter that I was still a little dizzy and running like I really drank too much. I ran all the way to Gwen's house this way. I wanted to make sure she was all right as soon as possible. I didn't really trust Arthur's judgment.

I knocked and rushed inside without waiting for an invitation. Gwen sat at the table, mending clothes.

"What are you doing!?" she shouted at the sight of me. Fortunately, she didn't look sick, rather irritated. My intrusion must have scared her.

"You wanted to see me," I replied, gasping for breath.

"What?" She looked at me in amazement. "I? You? I mean... I'm always very happy when I see you, but... Oh, sit down. This is some strange thing."

I sat down on the wooden stool next to her.

"Why strange?"

"Imagine Arthur has come here recently. He actually came running. Here, to me, home. And he ask…s… Do you understand? He asks if I can't hold you until tomorrow and see to it that you don't ... er, wander around the castle. He looked nervous. He said he didn't have time to explain that he would somehow reward me for…'

"You had to deal with me," I finished.

"Yeah. He said something like that." She smiled. "But I never thought that you wouldn't know what's going on."

"I'll kill him! He told me you wanted to see me immediately. I was terrified that something wrong had happened."

Gwen got up and took the pot of milk from the fire.

"I don't think he wants to joke," she said.

"I don't know what to do," I replied, rocking on the back legs of the stool.

"Maybe just…' she hesitated for a moment. "let's do as Arthur asked?"

"I don't know if that's a good idea."

"You don't trust him?" There was an accusing note in her voice. I shook my head.

"That's not the point. We both know that Arthur has a special talent for getting into trouble."

"Like you," she snorted, suddenly angry. "You both got along perfectly."

She pressed a cup of warm milk into my hand, which I accepted gratefully.

"All right, all right," I said, trying to look completely defeated. At that moment, someone knocked on the door. Gwen opened it a small width. I couldn't see who had come, but I recognized the voice immediately.

"It's just me, Guinevere. The prince said that…'

There was a strange noise at that moment, as if the stranger was trying to suppress a laugh, which was unusual in itself. "He said he would come himself to take the donkey he had left with you and that he hoped you had no trouble with it."

Gwen cleared her throat a few times as well.

"I haven't, my lord. It's all right," she replied cheerfully.

"In that case I don't bother."

Gwen closed and bolted the door. I gave her a questioning look.

"It's only Sir Leon," she said, as if she were talking to the Knights of Camelot every day on the threshold of her house.

"Only Sir Leon?"

"Yeah. Arthur must have asked him to make sure you got there."

"Gwen!" I called out. "Leon is one of the king's most trusted knights. If he comes here, he must have a good reason."

"Oh Merlin, just a little more and you will begin to suspect your own shadow of some evil intentions. Leon is a good man. Better than you think. I've known him since childhood, actually, but it's a longer story. I'm not surprised that Arthur asked him for a favor."

"Okay, I have nothing against Leon. We still don't know what's going on," I grumbled. I have come to the conclusion that I have a lot more to learn about Camelot's pacts. I had no idea about the friendly relationship these two had, although I had known Gwen not since yesterday.

"Stop whining and help me with this," she said, pulling on the basket of vegetables.

We had a very pleasant time the rest of the afternoon, first cooking the soup and then cleaning the various pieces of armor that were still abundant in her house.

"What are you going to do with it?" I asked, hoping I wasn't being wrong.

"I sell most of them," she said, handing me another helmet. "It's a decent job and they come at pretty good prices. But I'll leave some for myself."

With a bent finger, she tapped an exceptionally beautiful shield with the Camelot coat of arms.

"For example, one day, I would like to give it…' She paused and ran her fingers through her hair nervously. "I thought about giving it to someone as a gift, but I'll think about it later. This is probably the last one Dad made."

"And I'm not sure he would like me to give it to the son of the man who ordered him to be killed," I thought. I guess I actually read the thought in her eyes. I nodded my head slightly.

I can't say I wasn't having a good time, though the reason why I was at Gwen's house still haunted me. I consoled myself with the thought that if anything dangerous had actually happened, I would have known about it already.

Evening finally came and we decided it was time to go to bed. We argued for a long time who was supposed to sleep in the only bed; Gwen stubbornly insisted that I was a guest, so I deserved this privilege, and I tried to convince her that she hadn't invited me of her own free will, so nothing of the privilege.

"I always slept on the floor at home," I said. "I want to remember better times."

She laughed.

"Don't lie that it's so bad here."

"Not good, to be honest. Do you think it's easy to put up with Arthur?"

"You lie again. I can't believe you don't like him." She teased, but the look she fixed on my face was very attentive.

"Not at all," I replied. "It's impossible to like him."

"Just like you. I don't like you at all. Neither me, nor Artur, nor anyone."

It ended with a regular pillow fight. We acted like two people who had completely lost their minds. We laughed almost to the point of tears, as if the worries of the last few weeks for the moment had been hidden in some dark corner. I figured Gwen might be my sister. I forgot about the morning malaise and general aversion to life.

Eventually we sat down at the table to drink something. Wrapping yourself with pillows can finish you off. We both jumped when we heard a familiar voice from outside the windows.

"Guinevere? Merlin? Are you there?"

"No," I replied immediately. "We were murdered and only our ghosts are here."

"Very funny. Gwen, will you let me in?"

Gwen got up and opened the door. Arthur slipped inside. He looked like he was having a day like me that morning.

"Everything's all right?" I asked as I had not realized in time that there was too much concern. Gwen gave me a pointed look, as if to say: "This is all about disliking."

"Yes. Rather," Arthur replied, sitting down on the floor and leaning against the wall. „But I think it's better to wait until morning. "Guinevere, could I too…'

"Of course, my lord. As long as no one looks for you," she said.

"Two people who might think of it are now... Never mind. In any case, they surely won't think of it today. And the other two are here, so no, no one will be looking for me."

"Don't you want to tell us what happened?"

"It's not for your ears," he replied, to my greatest amazement, without a trace of malice. "A lady shouldn't hear about such things."

"Even though she was kind of involved in it? Besides, I'm such a lady, like a sorcerer from Merlin."

At this point, I choked on water and spilled practically the entire contents of the cup onto myself. Arthur looked at me with pity. I had to pretend to suffocate because it would be difficult to explain a sudden burst of hysterical laughter.

"As you wish," Arthur said to Gwen. "To put it as broadly as possible, my father and Gaius drank a little. I don't want to go into details, but it got tiring."

"I understand," she replied. I saw that now she is holding back a burst of laughter. For me, however, the vision of Uther and Gaius drinking together chilled my blood in my veins.

Arthur and Gwen were still talking when I felt that I was overwhelmingly drowsy. I lay down on the floor and fell asleep, listening not so much to what they said but to their voices. I had no nightmares that night.

Arthur wanted to mention the details of this whole affair the next evening, when I had given up hope of ever finding out what it was all about. Gaius refused to testify, or rather was so embarrassed when I tried to ask, that I had no conscience to torment him. After all, everyone has the right to do something extremely stupid from time to time and not be forced to talk about it.

"I'll tell you what happened yesterday, because it concerned you," Arthur said suddenly. "But if you tell anyone else, I'll have you hanged. And I'm not joking."

"I'll not tell," I said, continuing to make the bed.

"My father and Gaius drank too much. They talked about Morgana, a little about me, and at one point my father tells Gaius that he might start to admit to his son. Gaius said that he didn't have a son. Then the father said, 'What are you denying this boy so much?' Stupid because stupid, but always yours. Gaius asked him who he meant. And it turned out that you."

The pillow fell out of my hand. I was afraid of what I might hear next.

"And what?" I asked quietly.

"Gaius said he would like you to be his son, in fact.' The father then decided that he would prove to him that you are his son."

I sat up on the bed. I felt that I was getting hot.

"How?"

"You know Gaius… um, he has some magical abilities. Slight, but still. It is known to be hereditary. Admittedly, Gaius told my father and I, too, that you don't have any abilities, let alone magic ones, but my father made up his mind that you should be brought and drunk and then it will certainly show'. And it was supposed to be proof. He had insisted on doing it."

I took a few deep breaths.

"Why did you want me to hide with Gwen?" I asked. "You suspected that I might…'

"How was I supposed to know what could go to your head when you were drunk? Think a little, you fool. It could have ended tragically for you. It's lucky that Leon helped me. We said you can't be found anywhere. Gaius finally dawned on him that he sent you to get herbs and you will be back tomorrow."

"Thank you," I said, looking at him gratefully.

I started to making the bed again, trying to digest what I had just heard. Arthur was silent for a long time. I knew he was watching me, but I didn't think he would say anything else.

"What exactly happened to your father?" he asked suddenly.

"He died," I replied automatically.

"How long ago?"

"A few weeks ago."

I was terrified when I said that, but it was too late. He surprised me completely. I didn't have time to think about anything and the emotions were fresh.

"A few weeks ago? You didn't say anything."

He fixed a penetrating gaze on me far more than one would expect.

"It worked out that way," I replied, struggling to overcome the dryness in my throat. "There was so much going on and…'

"Have you forgotten?" he asked mockingly. I didn't answer. I wasn't able to.

"You once claimed you didn't know him," he took up after a moment.

"I met him, just before he died." I decided that in this situation it would be safest to tell as much of the truth as possible. "Gaius told me it was him."

He nodded his head and it looked like the subject was finished.

"Good night," I mouthed as I left.

"Good night," replied Arthur. "And, Merlin, don't forget to tell me if you happen to die yourself."