But there was one kid he could talk to...
Trevor.
He was relieved to find out he was doing ok. Fuller gave him the permission to visit him at the hospital. He felt nervous about it because he didn't know how Trevor would react seeing him.
Trevor was in bed reading some magazine. He looked well. He must of sensed he was there because he looked up and put down the magazine.
Trevor blinked in surprise. "Hey... I remember you."
"Yeah... I was with you the day 'it' happened."
Trevor looked depressed all of the sudden, likely reviewing memories of that day.
He sat on the edge of the bed. "You're probably wondering why I'm here... um." He wasn't allowed to do this but he had no control over anything else anyway. He felt honesty was the only way he could get Trevor to open up. "I'm not who you think I am. I'm that undercover cop they all talked about."
Trevor gaped in surprise. "You what?"
He nodded. "Yeah... It's okay to be mad at me," he said. "I had no idea what was going to happen. I was investigating something entirely different. But it was my job to stop him and...I didn't," he said, struggling not to cry.
Trevor shook his head. "Look, I don't know you... but I do know it all happened too fast. Anyone would've gotten shot trying to stop him."
He was surprised how grown up Trevor sounded considering he was known as the class clown. He made a lot of sense. Maybe this thing made him grow up all of the sudden.
"You helped me... your voice helped me calm down," Trevor continued. "For a while, I hoped to see you again and thank you for what you did."
"So you're not mad?"
"No... I'm mad at Lewis," he said bitterly. "He caused all this shit."
He talked to Trevor a bit more. It was quite healing to talk about things they both witnessed. Sharing the pain, the nightmares they had every night.
Trevor was the only one who understood how he felt.
Trevor had a choice whether to tell anyone his identity. But he didn't. They continued to see each other as the days went on and eventually become friends.
It took a while to understand he can't always be the hero. It was quite stupid to think a cop meant you had to be perfect, even to the tiniest little details.
END