TW: Verbal abuse, Physical abuse (both implied and on-screen), Implied substance abuse, Smoking, Sadism, Violence/Death, Torture (it's the entire first scene so be careful about that.) Internalized ableism, and Unhealthy relationships
This is all hurt no comfort, a sneak peek into my fan continuity TFR (Transformers Ruins.) We are following one of the many OCs that are a part of this project that being Steeltalon, as a heads up Steeltalon is far from a good person he's a villain and I want him to be both fun and intimidating (as all good villains should be.) He may or may not get a redemption arc later on, we'll have to see how that pans out, especially regarding his relationship with Starscream which is the main focus of this fic. But do keep in mind that he is just as much an abuser as he is an abuse victim (it's just not shown in this particular fic.)
Also, Starscream is non-binary and goes by they/them in this universe, just keep that in mind while reading.
Be careful with this one :/
…
The city was in ruins, fires burned for days on end thriving in the dry scorched environment. The fighting had torn this once prosperous city to ash, blackened and dead. The bots that remained killed each other off hopelessly in the hopes of gaining territory, that was all they could do to survive in such a wasteland. It was a truly miserable existence…
Steeltalon personally thought it was beautiful.
He floated above the chaos and destruction, watching with bright optics. He sat on the ledge of a building kicking his legs like a young mech as he watched the ongoing slaughter, sadistic giggles escaping him as flames danced around the makeshift battlefield. He watched as the leader of the weaker group was killed and the winners hefted their weapons into the air as a tell of celebration. Steeltalon felt his grin grow behind his mask as he promptly hopped to stand on the raised edge of the building, he lazily allowed himself to fall off the edge transforming and waiting until the very last second to pull up.
He transformed again before he could hit the leader of the other group, tackling the taller mech to the ground and pulling out one of three daggers slicing cleanly through the bot's throat cables. He let out a series of manic cackles as the body hit the floor, the series of mourning screams and shocked looks only further fueled his laughter.
"Sorry fellas, guess we ought to call it a tie, huh?" He reeled back in a fit of hysterics as the group began cursing him out, grabbing hold of their weapons to kill him in retaliation. Steeltalon didn't let them, racing forward and stabbing the closest one straight in the helm. The other members of the gang didn't let up continuing to fire on him while the members of the second began to retreat dragging the corpse of their leader with them.
Steeltalon had no trouble dodging the shots jumping from one target to the other, energon splattered on the ground and coated every inch of his blade. The feeling of it landing on his servos and faceplates had his mind doing dizzy spins from the rush of adrenaline, it wasn't long before only one member of the gang remained. They dropped their weapon and fell to the ground, pleading for their life as he backed away from Steeltalon slowly. Steeltalon said nothing, slowly approaching the mini-con humming a little song as he spun his dagger around tauntingly. He tilted his helm to the side, voice so soft you might have just believed all this carnage wasn't his doing.
"What's your name?"
He asked, coming to a stop in front of the small bot. He crouched down to be optic-level with the mini-con, his voice sickly sweet. The bot shook with fear, words failing them as their back hit a wall. Steeltalon gazed at them a moment just to see if they'd manage to answer him, however, once it became obvious that they wouldn't…
"Y'know…"
Steeltalon mused with a pause, abruptly slamming his dagger into the wall behind them. They let out a petrified shriek as Steeltalon darkened his tone, relishing in the fear.
"It's rude to not answer…"
The mini-con trembled, vents taking in too short breaths as they managed to force themselves to say.
"F-First Aid…My na-name is First…Aid…"
The shaking stutters in their words were all too pathetic, Steeltalon was almost tempted to put them out of their misery…almost.
"Shh…why are you crying? This isn't your fault."
Steeltalon reassured with mock sympathy, twisting his dagger a little further into the wall and savoring the anxious whimper that left the mini-con as a result.
"You couldn't take me on, we both know you're not strong enough to handle that."
Steeltalon let out a psychotic titter, his gritted teeth muffling the sound. When he turned back he saw the mini-con's expression shift from fear to guilt, his grin widened behind his mask and he doubled down.
"You're too weak to fight back, there's nothing wrong with that…"
Steeltalon pulled back a bit, they'd looked to be dissociating. Ugh, that was no fun, he must've toyed with them too much. He scoffed and stood back up, pulling his Energon-soaked blade out of the wall, it garnered no reaction. He pulled out a cloth and began to wipe the blade down, blowing off the small bits of metal that clung to the blade once he was done. He forced a grin back onto his face as he turned to the smaller bot, tossing the dirty cloth over his shoulder.
"Hmm…you still seem upset."
He pretended to think, he pretended to care, looking down on the mini-con with amusement.
"Why don't I put you out of your misery? Would you want that?"
He asked raising his blade, to his surprise the mini-con nodded. Huh…that was a new one.
…But a kill was a kill!
He chuckled darkly, unable to help from thinking such a display of hopelessness was adorable. If he didn't kill this one would they do it themselves? He was almost tempted to let them live just to find out.
…Almost.
However just as he was about to swing and drive his blade straight through the smaller bots helm, someone landed behind him. He turned and his expression immediately twisted into enamored excitement.
"Screamer! Did you come to watch the show?" He asked sarcastically turning away from the mini-con, who finally snapped back to reality. Starscream paid them no mind as they took a couple of steps closer to their fellow seeker.
"And here I had hoped I'd never have to come to this miserable place."
Steeltalon snickered as he pocketed the dagger, leaning closer to the shorter who pulled back to avoid making any form of contact with him.
"Hmm? Was my show really that good Screamer?"
The seeker yanked on Steeltalon's antenna harshly earning a pained shriek in response, but he let go in time for the taller to pull away. The forced grin remained despite the fact he was clearly in pain, one servo came up to rub the aching out of the antenna Starscream had grabbed. They weren't initially that sensitive to touch but after such repeated manhandling the joints had worn out, only making the pain worse with each instance of mishandling.
"Hardly, I'm here because you shouldn't be..!"
The seeker insisted, jabbing Steeltalon in the chassis with one claw. Steeltalon sucked in a breath pushing the pain to the back of his processor as he leaned down to be at optic level with the shorter seeker, tilting his helm to the side.
"Oh, I'm sorry Screamer…"
Starscream rolled his eyes and shoved the taller away from them, muttering something about not calling them that. Steeltalon felt his antenna lower, resting at the sides of his helm as he kept his attention on his commander, affection bubbled up and dripped off his words.
"You didn't get into trouble did ya'? Y'know how crazy it makes me..!"
He couldn't bite down on a series of manic snickers as Starscream let out a sigh. They crossed their arms over their chassis and raised one brow, red visor only further emphasizing the bots ruby optics.
"No, Megatron is not aware, and yes I remember your twisted idea of comfort Divebomb."
Steeltalon tensed a bit at that, letting out a more nervous-sounding laugh.
"Oh? Were- were using codenames now?"
His gaze darted away from Starscream a couple of times, he was in that much scrap huh? Starscream's optics narrowed until they barely showed any color, they bit down on a growl as they rested their claws atop Steeltalon's chassis.
"We are going back to the nemesis right now. Understand?"
Steeltalon nodded, antenna hit the back of his helm as Starscream pulled away. 'Don't stay mad Starlight, I'll make it up to you…' He didn't dare to say such a thing out loud, but in the back of his processor, fantasies ran wild.
"Finish up with that one if you wish, but make it fast."
Steeltalon perked up a bit at that, turning his helm to see the mini-con was still there. They jolted as soon as Steeltalon caught sight of them, panic kicked in and they attempted to run. Steeltalon felt his grin widen and he darted over to them faster than they could take a single step, they let out a scream as Steeltalon grabbed hold of them.
Starscream watched with disinterest as Steeltalon pulled out the same dagger and began holding it closer to certain areas of their protoform.
"Hmm, now what could I do? Blind you? Put you on mute? Deafen you?"
Steeltalon hummed to himself, feeling the mini-con's struggle increase tenfold. He would've carried on had it not been for Starscream clearing their throat, he looked over, and their impatient expression made him sigh.
"Alright, alright, I'll hurry up."
He turned back the mini-con and twirled his blade around as he pulled back, grinning manically as he saw them force their optics shut in anticipation.
"I already had something in mind anyway~"
They swung, digging into the protoform and reveling in the pained screams that filled the air as a result. Energon spilled onto the ground and began to stain his servos as well as the blade, he dug in a little deeper finally hitting his target and ripping out. He let them hit the ground as he looked upon the part he'd extracted from them with pride. The T-cog.
They panicked, looking horrified as Steeltalon picked the damaged T-cog off the blade of his dagger and let it hit the ground, crushing the T-cog beneath his pedes, and uttering a single word.
"Run."
…And so they did. They ran away, disappearing into the nearest back alley as Steeltalon cackled hysterically. He only forced himself to stop when Starscream grabbed him by the shoulder.
"If you are quite done?"
Steeltalon nodded, pocketed his dagger, and wiped a bit of Energon from his servos and faceplates. He took another breath in through his vents and dried his optics of the tears beginning to form from the force of his laughter. Starscream just sighed – Steeltalon lied to himself and insisted it was a fond sigh rather than an annoyed one – before transforming and taking off with Steeltalon not far behind.
No one would ever match Starscream in terms of speed but Steeltalon was respected for his flexibility and control when airborne. Starscream was skilled in those areas as well but there was no denying that they would never have enough trust in themselves to pull off half the mid-air transformations Steeltalon prided himself on.
The silence started to bother him so he pinged Starscream's comlink.
:: What is it?::
:: What? Can't we just talk, does there always have to be work involved?::
Starscream let out a sigh over the coms.
:: So you're bored.::
:: Yep!::
:: I'm ignoring you.::
Steeltalon bit down on a laugh at that, speeding up a bit to be flying right beside Starscream.
:: Oh, come on Starlight, I'm not that bad-::
:: Starlight?::
Scrap- He hadn't meant for that to slip out. He was usually good about catching that stuff!
:: Well I mean- you're always complaining about me calling ya' Screamer, so I figured we'd mix it up!::
There was a pause, Steeltalon felt a bit of anxiety form in his fuel tanks as Starscream thought about it.
Finally, they responded.
:: Whatever, just don't use it in front of the lower ranks.::
:: …Or in front of Skywarp.::
Steeltalon couldn't hold back a cackle at that, feeling fondness eat at his thoughts as Starscream groaned dramatically.
:: Relax…I'm not that mean, am I Starlight?::
:: Debatable.::
Steeltalon burst into another crazed laughing fit as Starscream sped ahead of him leaving the larger seeker struggling to keep up.
…
The Nemesis felt safe for Steeltalon, a place for Starscream's entire armada to live without Megatron's influence. Too bad that was about to change, Megatron was coming to visit Starscream for the first time in quite a while, but no one had been told why. Even Starscream's own thrine didn't have the answers, and Steeltalon knew for a fact they weren't lying, he pestered them for breems to make sure of it.
But he knew better than to listen in, Megatron had been…unstable as of late. It was rather hypocritical of Steeltalon to say so but in his opinion that was just a clear indication of how bad it had gotten. He was everything Steeltalon had been accused of being just short of the uncontrollable laughing fits.
Those really hurt sometimes...
He paid it no mind, lighting a cygar and taking in a deep hit, filling his vents up with the smoke and then expelling it all at once. The sweet taste of chrome seeping into his glossa, he continued staring up at the ceiling propping his pedes up on his desk and leaning back in his chair. He took hit after hit, not like he had anything better to do, he was a specialist and Starscream had made it very clear Steeltalon wasn't allowed to leave the Nemesis until Megatron did.
He wasn't sure why. All he knew was that was why Starscream had dragged him back, the seeker didn't give two slags what Steeltalon did when he was off the clock. No, they were worried about Megatron finding out, because they knew they would be held accountable for it. Which Steeltalon admittedly didn't want, Megatron was fairly rough on just about everyone, and previous commanders had been beaten ruthlessly for failing to control their underlings before he didn't want Starscream to be made into an example.
He knew what Star wanted, and he was on board. He acted as a safe space, he held onto Starscream's urges for him, violent fantasies they had trusted him with. Trust…Starscream trusted him…but in what way?
We'd look good together.
Steeltalon felt his processor begin to melt into a languishing haze, reason was replaced with obsession, and the notion played on a loop in his mind. We'd look good together…
He was a good soldier, he was a specialist, and Starscream granted him the time of day which was an accomplishment in it of itself. Would they give him a chance? Or would he ruin it all?
He could make them feel special. But would saying something stupid like 'I love you' ruin it? Would it shatter the bond they had established? He didn't know and he didn't want to know. He wanted that seeker more than anything, he loved that seeker more than anything.
Even if dealing with them was stressful…so fragging stressful.
He still loved them. He needed them to stay, he couldn't let them leave. Not again. Never again.
A pathetic breathy titter escaped him, the sound was disgustingly high-pitched. He leaned back in the chair even more, draping one arm over his eyes while the other gripped the armrests hard enough to leave claw marks.
"You're all I've ever wanted Screamer…"
He had to bite his glossa to keep from bursting into hysterical laughter as soon as the words left his mouth. He was so so fragged up, wasn't he? How miserable did he have to be to chase after Starscream like this? He didn't know…and he couldn't bring himself to care at the moment.
This processor felt like it was about to overheat, fog fueled his lovesick cravings as he felt himself start to drift away from this world. Everything felt so fake and he didn't care, all he found himself worrying about was Screamer. His faceplates burned a bright pink as he curled up in his chair, kicking his legs like a youngling, the melancholy feeling of unrequited affection had long since been abandoned. He felt insane for disregarding it so easily but then again, everyone agreed that he had issues.
Maybe delusions were his next step towards rock bottom?
He already had hallucinations why not throw delusions in for a bit of flavor?
Would he have to get more meds because of that? He wouldn't mind that honestly, he never used the assigned prescriptions properly, taking more than was necessary at the wrong times. He never used them to help manage his symptoms, no, he used them to take the edge off. It drove Shockwave up the wall though, he had yet to figure out why Steeltalon was burning through his meds so quickly.
Steeltalon always got away with it by pointing out that his meds were the "take when required" variety. It made him seem crazy – well, crazier than he already was – but it got Shockwave off his struts. That was the important thing.
Steeltalon was just about to lean over to put out his now-finished cygar when the door to his quarters opened suddenly. He perked up, flicking the cygar onto the empty tray and turning around in his chair.
"Starlight! How'd it-"
His expression fell and his words trailed off as he caught sight of the shorter seeker. Battered and bruised and the indents of claws were visible around his neck and shoulders. Steeltalon felt his usually inflexible smile falter as he stood up.
"Scrap…you, heh, shouldn't you be seeing Shockwave for repairs right about n-"
Steeltalon didn't get to finish before Starscream had shoved him back against the chair. He hissed a bit at the feeling of the armrests digging into his back, promptly sidestepping to use said chair as a shield.
"I told you, you shouldn't have been there."
Starscream gritted out, ruby optics glaring daggers at the taller. Steeltalon took a couple more steps back until he felt the impact of his desk behind him, digging his claws into the metal surface in a panic.
"I don't give a slag about your 'conditions' or your 'problems!' Your reckless bloodlust has now caused Megatron to think that I am not doing my job as Second in Command!"
Steeltalon shrunk back a little, claws drawing deep slashes into the desk as Starscream shoved the chair to the side in order to get closer to the taller mech more easily.
"You caused me to get hurt! You promised you would help me but you just can't make up your mind can you!?"
Steeltalon's optics were darting around the room, hoping he'd managed to come up with something to defuse the situation. Starscream dug his own claws into the desk forcing Steeltalon to lean back even more to avoid getting scratched.
"You just can't decide whether you want my approval or Megatron's, is it really such a struggle to pick a fragging side!?"
Steeltalon remained silent, smile forced so uncomfortably high it was painful. He chose to believe the shaking he felt in his hands and legs was a side effect of the cygars and not a result of intimidation. He didn't know what to say in response, but it was clear silence was not what Starscream wanted.
"Fragging say something!"
Steeltalon shrunk down a bit more, swallowing dryly avoiding Starscream's gaze at all costs.
"Starlight-"
The harsh sound of Starscream's claws digging into the desk sounded out and it made Steeltalon flinch.
"Do not try and pull that scrap with me."
Steeltalon just barely bit down on a pained shriek as Starscream pulled on one of his antennas, taking a couple of steps back and practically dragging the taller seeker away from the desk. He kept his grip firm even after he'd successfully gotten Steeltalon where he wanted him, forcing the taller to speak through the pain.
"F-fragging- Starscream, Y-you're acting a bit…well a bit crazy don't you think? Heh, that's my job, right Starlight?"
Steeltalon realized his mistake too late, Starscream promptly yanked even harder on Steeltalon's antenna letting go immediately afterwards. Not that it did much to ease the pain, but it was a small mercy that Steeltalon knew better than to take for granted.
"What did I just say!? I don't care how hard you try to butter me up, I am not your friend, I am not your equal, and I cannot afford to deal with your constant impulsivity during a time like this! Do you really not care at all about helping me!?"
Steeltalon took a couple of steps back, rubbing his sore antenna with both servos. His smile was wavering, weak, and wobbly, optics darting around in obvious fear.
"Starl- Starscream, I didn't mean it. You know that right?"
Steeltalon had to bite down on the fit of panicked laughter that wanted to escape him. If he let it out now it wouldn't stop until he ran out of air. Starscream continued glaring but eventually backed away with a sigh, turning around and leaning against the wall for support. Steeltalon tilted his helm to the side, swallowing his compulsions and taking a couple of steps closer to the shorter.
"...Do you want me to help you to the lab?"
Starscream sucked in a breath, turning their helm to meet Steeltalon's gaze. Now having lost the look of anger in their optics, instead, they looked exhausted.
"...If you must."
Steeltalon took that as a 'yes' and walked over to Starscream, the shorter slung one arm over Steeltalon's shoulder as the taller kept his servo resting on the SIC's waist for support. Neither one said a thing as they made their way to Shockwave's laboratory (and makeshift medbay) on the other side of the Nemesis.
…
This wasn't healthy.
Steeltalon knew it wasn't…but he just didn't care. He had issues, Starscream had issues, this could only end poorly…and he just didn't care.
No rational thoughts made their way to the surface, only manic questions and urges.
Does Starscream ever miss him? The way Steeltalon missed them?
Does Starscream know of his obsession with them? Surely they must, they have to know that Steeltalon wants them…more than that, he craved them.
He flopped backward onto his berth, letting out crazed titters with his palms pressed firmly against his closed optics. A bright flush spread across his faceplates so intense he could feel the heat through his servos. Somebody fix him, he had to be broken, there had to be something wrong with him. To need someone like Starscream so badly, that couldn't be normal, this wasn't normal, he was crazy, he had to be.
'Starlight, I'm fragged up!'
His mind mocked as he laughed at his own helplessness, kicking his legs like a youngling as his mind spiraled endlessly into a flustered haze turning his processor to mush. Not a breem earlier Starscream had been verbally ripping into him, he'd been terrified in the moment but now when he thought back on it…he just felt like a lovestruck fool.
What was wrong with him? Why did he…why did he like the feeling of being mistreated?
…Frag, who was he kidding. Of course, he liked the feeling… it's all he's ever known, and with how sick and twisted he'd become, especially in recent vorn… it's all he deserved. He knew it wasn't going to get better so what's the point of begging for an escape? What's the point of continuing to hate it, why fight back?
Yeesh, since when was he such a pessimist?
'Screamer will you help out?'
He burst into a fit of cackles at his own self-mockery, desperation turned to hilarity because it was all he could do to cope. He might as well spend more time around Starscream huh? It made him feel at least a little better, might be able to swindle him into helping out.
'Cause I've always helped you…'
His laughter died down into soft wheezes, raspy wheezes as a result of his ever-damaged intakes. Maybe he could…it would just be a bit of compensation for his assistance, wouldn't it? Ignoring the fact he'd gotten Starscream into trouble just earlier this cycle…
…No, Starlight would never humor him like that.
Not right now at least. Maybe…maybe later. Once Steeltalon had proved his worth and proved to Starscream that he was useful to him, maybe then Screamer might indulge him! His grin widened a bit at the thought of it, no matter how unrealistic it may have been in reality. His antenna lit up in time with his faceplates as his wings pinned against his back in a display of one-sided affection. It'd be worth it. Starscream would love him eventually.
Th-this wouldn't be like Shadowdive, and it wouldn't be like Megatron. This time things were going to be different, he wasn't going to get hurt But you already have he wasn't going to be left behind he doesn't care about you he wasn't going…to be forgotten does anyone even think about you? This would be different.
He loved Starscream, and he loved this cause…surely they loved him back?...they saved his life, they had to…right?