LET'S GO AND GET YOU MARRIED
By MsChrisAnn
Cast of Characters
Lee Stetson
Francine Desmond
Phillip King
Jamie King
Paul Barnes
James Pott (aka James Brand)
Dr Smyth
Scotty
Location
Arlington Presbyterian Church, Groom's room
Arlington Presbyterian Church, Hallway outside of the Sanctuary
February 13, 1988
Arlington Presbyterian Church
Groom's Room
LET'S GO AND GET YOU MARRIED
(Lee, Phillip, and Jamie, dressed in tuxedos, are prepping for Lee and Amanda's wedding.)
LEE
Is it time yet?
JAMIE
It's almost. I can hear lots of guests arriving.
LEE
I don't know why I'm so nervous. I just wish this was over with and we were married already. I'm not big on ceremony and pomp and circumstance.
PHILLIP
Yeah, but we have to let Mama have enough time to get pretty for you.
LEE
Your mom is the most incredible woman I've ever met. She's so beautiful. Her heart is so warm. I've never known anyone as smart and as sweet as she is. She's so kind -
PHILLIP and JAMIE
(Make retching sounds)
PHILLIP
Blech! Enough! God, Lee! You're always so mushy when you talk about Mom.
LEE
I'm in love, Phillip. When you find the right girl for you, you'll want to be with her all the time. And when you're not with her, you'll be thinking about her, and you'll want to talk about her. It's not mushy. It's reality.
JAMIE
(Laughs)
Phillip in love and acting all mushy? That's hilarious.
LEE
The point is that I'm in love with your mom. I can't wait for us to be a family.
JAMIE
(Softly)
Me too, Lee. I can't wait for you to be our - (pauses to look at Lee for reassurance) our Dad.
PHILLIP
(Cautiously)
Lee… can we call you Dad?
LEE
(Pauses for a moment, obviously touched.)
I - I'm speechless. I love you boys just as much as if you were my own children. I would be honored to be called "Dad".
JAMIE
I mean, we have a real dad, but when he is with us, it feels like we are an obligation. Like he has to spend time with us.
PHILLIP
Yeah. But you're not like that. You act like you want to be with us.
LEE
I do want to be with you.
PHILLIP
That's nice. I don't think you missed any of my games last spring.
JAMIE
And I wouldn't have won the science fair without your help.
LEE
Phillip, Jamie…. I've watched you grow up into amazing young men, and I am so proud of you!
JAMIE
Thanks… Dad.
LEE
I like the sound of that.
FRANCINE
(Enters)
Well, isn't this cozy? I see you're a family man already, Lee.
LEE
(Sarcastic but good naturedly)
Not now, Francine. What's up? How's my future-wife?
FRANCINE
I just left her. She's doing great. Amanda is getting sufficiently fussed over. Dotty's beside herself with excitement.
LEE
Ah, well that's a good thing.
FRANCINE
Yes, it is. She relieved me from my maid of honor duties to check on you.
LEE
Well, you can tell her to hurry up because I can't wait any longer to marry her. (A pause) Any sign of Billy yet?
FRANCINE
Yes, Billy and Jeannie arrived about 15 minutes ago. He looks extra dapper today. He thought his days of giving the bride away were over after his girls got married. He was so touched that Amanda asked him.
LEE
Oh yes, I know. I thought it was a great idea. After all, he's the one who kept putting us together.
FRANCINE
And despite all your protests in the beginning, she stuck with you. (Under her breath.) Although I have no idea why. (Laughs)
LEE
(Playfully swats her, laughing)
Francine…
FRANCINE
I'm kidding! I'm kidding! (Pause) Hey, guys… can you go out into the hall for a minute?
PHILLIP and JAMIE
(Ad lib) Sure. (They exit.)
FRANCINE
Hey, I know I tease you about Amanda and about being in love and all, but I wanted to tell you how very happy I am that the two of you found each other. You're like a brother to me, and I love how much you've changed for the better since you've been with Amanda.
LEE
(Pulls Francine into a hug.) And I love how YOU'VE changed for the better since you've met Amanda. (They laugh.)
FRANCINE
And I have a confession. And so does Billy.
LEE
(Looks uncomfortable.)
Oh?
FRANCINE
Yes. Look, Lee, we know you and Amanda are already married. We've known for about 6 or 7 months now.
LEE
(Dumbfounded)
What? How?
FRANCINE
You know we do random background checks throughout the year. Well, we came across your marriage certificate.
LEE
Why didn't you say anything?
FRANCINE
We figured you'd tell us when you were ready.
LEE
(Nodding.)
We weren't quite sure what to do. Does Dr Smyth know?
FRANCINE
The old man? No, I don't think so. He couldn't keep a secret with the way he talks. (They laugh.)
SCOTTY
(Pops his head into the room.)
Mr Stetson, I'm all set up and ready to go when you are.
LEE
That's great, Scotty. And you're inconspicuous?
SCOTTY
Of course, Mr Stetson. Any good film maker knows not to ruin the event by being seen.
LEE
Of course, Scotty. Thanks for being here.
SCOTTY
It's my honor, Mr Stetson. A man of your filmmaking talents asking me to -
FRANCINE
(Interrupts) Scotty, shouldn't you be getting into place now?
SCOTTY
Of course, Ms Desmond. (Exits.)
LEE
(Calls after Scotty.)
Thanks, Scotty. (To Francine) All right, Francine. Let's go join the boys. (They exit into the hallway.)
JAMES POTT (MR BRAND)
(Enters the hallway.)
Lee, old chap!
LEE
(Shaking his hand)
James! How great you could make it! When did you arrive?
JAMES
The day before yesterday. I've been visiting some of my old haunts since my arrival.
LEE
That's fabulous! Boys, this is James Brand, er, Pott, from England.
PHILLIP
Wow! All the way from England?
JAMIE
That's so nice of you to come.
JAMES
Your mum and Lee were so kind to me a few years ago when I was in trouble and no one else would believe me. Even way back then when they looked at each other, you could tell they couldn't wait to snog each other's face off. I wouldn't miss this for the world!
PAUL BARNES
(enters)
Neither would I. (Lee and Paul embrace.)
LEE
Paul! I was afraid you wouldn't make it. When I heard you were in Tahiti…
PAUL
(Interrupts)
And miss the great Scarecrow tie the knot? Never. (Sees the boys.) And you must be Phillip and Jamie! This ol' Scarecrow finally got a brain when he started dating your mom.
PHILLIP
Scarecrow?
JAMIE
A brain?
FRANCINE
(Quickly)
Paul, have you met Beaman? He's already sitting inside. (Guides Paul into the sanctuary.)
PHILLIP
What did he mean, Lee?
DR SMYTH
(Enters) It means that the Scarecrow here is about to marry his Glinda the Good Witch. Glad someone has brains in the family.
LEE
(Laughs stiffly. Speaks through clenched teeth.)
Another brains joke. Thank you, sir, for coming.
DR SMYTH
To see Maxwell Smart marry his Agent 99 will be a real treat for me. (Walks into the sanctuary.)
LEE
I didn't think we invited him.
FRANCINE
You didn't.
JAMIE
We're going to see if mom is ready.
FRANCINE
Good idea.
PHILLIP and JAMIE
(Exit)
LEE
(Claps his hands together, then suddenly feels around his tuxedo coat for the rings.)
The rings! Oh my gosh, what did I do with the rings?
FRANCINE
(Looking frantically around)
Oh no, Lee! Where did you last see them?
LEE
I- I can't remember!
PHILLIP and JAMIE
(Enter)
JAMIE
Mom said -
PHILLIP
(Interrupts)
What's wrong? What are you looking for?
LEE
The rings. I can't find the rings!
JAMIE
(Holds up his thumb with the two rings on it.)
Dad, you gave them to me this morning, remember?
LEE
(Hugs Jamie.)
Oh, thank God, Jamie! You saved the day!
PHILLIP
(Laughing)
The look on your face was priceless! Oh, and by the way, Mom's ready.
FRANCINE
Calm down, Lee. Jamie has the rings. And your bride is ready. Now… Let's go and get you married.
THE END.