Reflecting Light, Part 2

by katiebug5

Mairead O'Keefe made it through her final year at Hogwarts and is now a fully-qualified witch. But when the unthinkable happens, and an evil that has haunted Mairead all her life rises again, she will find herself thrust back into a war she believed had already been won - and back into the life of the man she has never been able to forget. COMPLETE

31. New Year's Revelations

Author's Note: Thank you so much to GraceMonroe for reviewing! The website was actually working well enough that I could reply to you this time!

Quick note: this chapter takes some dialogue directly from Chapter 24 of Order of the Phoenix, which does not belong to me. I do not support or endorse J.K. Rowling's transphobic views.

I also wanted to include a brief **TRIGGER WARNING** that this chapter discusses child abuse, intimate partner abuse, and the ways in which the justice system can fail victims of abuse. In a separate scene, there are mentions of pedophilia and rape. Please do what you need to do to protect your mental health. 3

I'm sorry for all the angst in the last chapter, but I do have some good news. This chapter is *even longer* than the last chapter!

Finally, the holiday season is almost upon us, and I wanted to give you a little heads' up that I will not be updating on Friday, November 24th. I'm in the U.S., and will be spending the Thanksgiving holiday with my family. I have to work that weekend, and so I just will not have time to post that week. I hope you'll all understand!

I think that's it for now! Read on!

---

Chapter Thirty-One: New Year's Revelations

Remus sat and stared at his hands, waiting for the meeting to start. It was ten minutes past when the meeting should have begun, but Dumbledore had not arrived yet, and people were still milling about, exchanging pleasantries and talking about their Christmases. He thought he would rather take a bludger to the face than force one more false smile and tell yet another person that he'd had a lovely Christmas, thanks very much.

He hadn't gotten any sleep the night before, not least of all because, after he had finally bidden Sirius goodnight and trudged up the stairs to his bedroom, he had found the necklace he had given Mairead dangling from his doorknob. It was in his pocket now. He had been carrying it around like the pathetic git he was.

Remus took another furtive look around the room, and saw that Mairead had not arrived yet, either. He wondered if she would skip the meeting. He fervently hoped she wouldn't. He had every intention of honoring her wishes and staying away from her, but he needed to look at her, needed to see her face, to try any way he could to assess the damage his careless, anger-driven words had caused her.

The door opened and Dumbledore walked in carrying what looked like a Muggle composition notebook in one hand. He smiled pleasantly around the room. "No need to rush to finish your conversations," he said lightly. "I do hope you all had a lovely holiday."

Everyone gradually finished talking and sat down. Remus and Snape had been the only two sitting, and there was a lot of polite shuffling around. Just as the last people were taking their seats, Mairead slipped into the room, carrying a goblet Remus could tell had his potion in it.

"Sorry this is late," she mumbled, setting it down in front of him without looking at him.

"I'm surprised you didn't lace the whole batch with sugar," Sirius muttered unpleasantly.

Remus winced. Much as he appreciated Sirius's unwavering loyalty, he also was well aware that Sirius had a mean streak which he felt no qualms about turning on anyone he perceived to be antagonizing his friends.

Mairead looked stung. "I would never do that," she said softly. "I would never weaponize someone's health like that."

"He didn't mean it like that, Mairead," Remus said quietly. "He was just -"

"You're always making excuses for each other," Mairead cut him off. "Whatever. Think what you like. Drink it or don't. I don't care."

She walked away and sat down beside Snape, a hurt and despondent look on her face. Remus sighed.

"That was uncalled for," he said under his breath. He looked sideways at Sirius and could tell the other man felt bad for what he had said, but instead of admitting to it, Sirius raised his head defiantly and let his lip curl with derision.

"Who cares?" he said ambivalently. "She doesn't; you heard her."

Remus opened his mouth to respond, but Dumbledore called the meeting to order. He began with an announcement that Arthur was doing well and that his team of Healers felt his prognosis was excellent. Remus looked over at Mairead again. She was watching Dumbledore respectfully, but Remus could feel her unhappiness coming off her in waves. He resolved to talk to Sirius after the meeting tonight. There was absolutely no reason Sirius couldn't continue to be friends with Mairead just because he had ruined things so thoroughly for himself.

Dumbledore proceeded through the meeting as usual, asking for updates here and there. Kingsley and Tonks spoke briefly about the Ministry, and McGonagall made a face as though she smelled something unpleasant when she talked about what Umbridge was up to (nothing good). Mad-Eye, who had been taking a lot of shifts listening to the receivers while Sirius had been preoccupied over the holidays, mentioned that it sounded like Voldemort had some sort of big plans brewing.

"Whatever it is, he didn't pick Malfoy to plan it, and Malfoy's feeling real sour about that," he said.

"Did Malfoy say what was being planned?" asked Dumbledore. His voice was calm but Remus noticed his eyes glinting sharply.

"Unfortunately not," said Moody. "He only referred to it obliquely. Seems Voldemort has been keeping him pretty thoroughly in the dark since the diary incident. We'll want to keep a closer ear out in the next couple of weeks. Maybe have shifts of two or shorten the length of the shifts. It's easy to doze off listening to dead air."

"Thank you, Alastor," Dumbledore said. He thought for a moment, then said, "The final matter I would like to discuss with you all tonight is similarly challenging to pin down, but is, I feel, of equal significance." Here, Dumbledore held up the notebook so everyone could see it. "I have here in my hands a notebook that is nearly full of notes Mairead took while having dinner with a friend last night."

Remus looked up sharply. Beside him, he saw Sirius straighten in his chair.

"He is the Trainee Healer on Arthur's care team and has been doing his residency at St. Mungo's for over two years now," Dumbledore went on. "Mairead had the presence of mind to bring this notebook along, and she took the opportunity to gather information on the kinds of maladies that have been cropping up in the months since Voldemort's return. Now, she wished me to emphasize that she has not finished compiling her notes and wishes to ruminate on them further, and so I will return this notebook to her as soon as I am done speaking on her behalf." Here Dumbledore paused and looked over at Mairead, his eyes twinkling at the sight of her shrinking down in her seat, trying to avoid the attention of the rest of the Order. "But she believes that some valuable information could be distilled from this information."

Dumbledore opened the notebook then and read a few lines. "In particular, Mairead brought two spells to my attention, spells that no one in the Spell Damage unit could identify. One appears to have something of an intoxicating effect on its victim. Inhibitions are lowered, speech becomes slurred, cognitive functions slow, as though the victim's brain has been addled somehow. But it was the second spell that concerned Mairead the most, and I agree with her, given its potential for manipulating the victim. The Healers are not sure exactly how it works, but the spell appears to make the victim highly suggestible. To the victim, the caster becomes the person that the victim most desperately wishes to see in that moment. When the caster appears, the victim sees their loved one. When the caster speaks, the victim hears the voice of their loved one. I am sure you can all imagine how easy it would then become for the caster to persuade the victim to do things they would not ordinarily do."

"Wait just a moment, now, Dumbledore," Elphias Doge cut in. "Who is this Trainee Healer in question? How do we know that he can be trusted? For all we know he could have instantly seen through Miss O'Keefe's pretence and fed her a sack of lies!"

"Ha," Sirius muttered quietly. Remus shot him a warning look, but secretly he couldn't help but feel vindicated.

Dumbledore nodded his head in acknowledgment of Elphias. "Indeed, Elphias, as I have not seen the wizard in question since he graduated, perhaps Mairead would be the best to speak on his behalf."

All heads turned in Mairead's direction, causing her to shrink further in her seat, her shoulders rising around her ears. "Erm," she began in a tiny voice. "Well, I mean... I don't mean to sound disrespectful or anything, but if anybody has got a foolproof way of making sure someone's not a Death Eater, I'd be really interested to hear it." She paused, mostly, it seemed, for effect. When no one spoke, she went on. "I can't really guarantee you anything. All I can do is say that I vouch for him. If it's helpful, he was also a Hufflepuff, and as you may know, Mr. Doge, Hufflepuff has produced the fewest dark wizards of any of the houses, as opposed to, say, Gryffindor, which can go either way."

She did not look over in Remus's direction, but there wasn't a doubt in his mind that this comment was directed at him. It was well-deserved, but it still smarted.

"Arthur says he's been absolutely lovely," Molly piped up helpfully. "He said he's very earnest and diligent."

"Who is the Healer in question, Albus?" asked Dedalus.

"Augustus Pye," Dumbledore answered.

Pomona Sprout and Tonks both let out exclamations of delight at the same time.

"Oh, Augustus!" squealed Sprout. "He is such a dear boy!"

"Holy Helga, I LOVE Gussy!" Tonks enthused, her entire face lighting up. "He was in my year at school. Is he still as handsome as ever, Mairead?"

"Erm," Mairead shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "I-I didn't notice."

"Aw, sad day," Tonks said, her shoulders slumping a little. She looked over at Hestia, who was sitting next to her, smiling in amusement. "You would not believe how hot he is." Turning back to Mairead, Tonks went on, "Did you know I offered myself to him?"

Mairead appeared to choke on nothing and began coughing. "Sorry?" she squeaked.

"Yeah..." Tonks nodded reminiscently. "Said if he wanted to try it with a girl I'd be up for it. Just in case he wasn't a hundred percent sure."

Remus cast a confused glance sideways at Sirius. Tonks's words had caused something in his mind to prickle, but before he could examine it properly, McGonagall spoke up. "I think this has gotten quite far enough off track. Mairead, could you please tell us what you learned from speaking to Augustus? Whom, by the way, Elphias, I will also vouch for. Lovely young man."

"Erm, so..." Mairead stammered, looking uncomfortable again now that the table's attention was back on her. "Well, like Professor Dumbledore said, a lot of this information is, erm, kind of vague, so - so just... maybe... bear that in mind. But, but Gus is actually just doing a rotation on the Serious Bites Ward. His area of specialization is in Spell Damage. He usually works in the children's ward." She paused and looked around, as if checking to see if this had resonated with anyone. Remus frowned, uncertain where she was going with this. Seeing that she had not garnered any aha's from the Order, Mairead went on. "S-so, in addition to what Professor Dumbledore already told you about the unidentified spells, I also asked Gus if he ever notices the same kids coming in over and over again."

Peripherally, Remus saw Moody lift his head from where he had been resting it in his hand.

"And I asked him if he had ever noticed whether any of the mothers ever looked like they had something wrong with them, too, or if they ever came in for spell damage treatment themselves."

Mad-Eye clicked his tongue. "This girl's smart as hell, Dumbledore," he remarked. The two wizards shared a significant look. Then, looking over at Mairead, Mad-Eye asked, "Did you get any names?"

"Oh, no," Mairead said, shaking her head. "That information is confidential; Gus could lose his job if he divulged the names of his patients. I was never going to get that."

"Did you try anyway?"

"Of course I did."

Mad-Eye grinned lopsidedly. "Attagirl."

"I think I must have missed something," Bill spoke up, frowning. "What's the significance of this?"

Moody eyed Mairead, then answered for her. "She was looking for abuse victims."

"But why?" asked Fleur. "What does zat 'ave to do wiz anything?"

"You think her dad was the only Death Eater who knocked his wife and kid around?" asked Mad-Eye, gesturing at Mairead. "If we could get the names of the kids we could trace them back to the parents. Cross-reference them against the kids coming in with unknown curses and we'd have ourselves a handy little Who's Who of potential Death Eaters."

Mairead nodded, looking anxious at all the attention but relieved that she had been understood. "Erm, so anyway," she continued awkwardly, "I wasn't able to get the names out of him, but he did tell me he's a mandated reporter."

"What's a mandated reporter?" Charlie asked.

"Someone who is required to report suspected child abuse," Sprout answered. "For example, all of the professors at Hogwarts are mandated reporters."

"Report it to whom?" Sirius followed up.

"The Ministry," answered Mad-Eye. "Department of Children and Families. It falls under the auspices of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement."

Mairead nodded, then said, "So, yeah. He said he's seen a small number of patients he suspects are being... erm, mistreated, and that he reports them to the Ministry. So they would be on file there."

"Well, I mean, that's great and all," Bill said, "but those reports have got to be confidential, too, haven't they?"

Mad-Eye, Kingsley, and Tonks all snorted humorlessly and Mairead's mouth thinned. "The D.C.F. is unfortunately notorious for being... shall we say, leaky?" Kingsley said.

"But that's horrible!" said Molly, looking outraged. "The Department of Children and Families exists for their protection. You'd think there would be harsh punishments for loose lips."

"You'd think," replied Moody. "But you'd be sick if you heard the number of women back in the day who 'anonymously' reported their husbands to the D.C.F. and then turned up dead."

"It's one of the reasons I decided to testify publicly," Mairead said quietly. "The D.C.F. offered to take my statement themselves, or to do a private deposition with their staff," she went on, "but they have such a history of gossiping and mishandling files that I knew if I went through them I'd be dead before my father ever went before the Wizengamot. Or worse: I'd be eliminated before I got a chance to testify and he would walk free."

Remus stared at Mairead. He had never before heard her talk about her experience going before the Wizengamot. She was normally very tight-lipped about her childhood. He thought about what it must have been like for her, to be nine years old and making life or death decisions about whom she could trust, and who was most likely to make careless foibles when her life was in their hands. He closed his eyes and sighed, his own foolhardiness sinking in. He had thought her immature and naïve to be so trusting of Augustus Pye. He never stopped to consider whether she was perfectly capable of making her own assessments of who could and could not be trusted.

He wouldn't have thought it was possible to feel like more of an arse, but then Emmeline spoke up.

"All right, so does anybody have a contact at the D.C.F. they can lean on?" she asked.

"I mean," Mairead said meekly, "If anyone else knows someone there, that's great, but if not... Gus has a contact I could get him to introduce me to."

"Would it look suspicious?" asked McGonagall.

"Definitely not," said Mairead. "Gus has already said he wants me to meet him, anyway."

"Who is Gus's contact at the D.C.F., Mairead?" asked Dumbledore.

"Well," Mairead said, "his boyfriend works there."

Beside him, Remus heard Sirius very quietly voice precisely his own thoughts.

"Fuuuuuuck."

---

Mairead hovered outside Remus's door. Downstairs, everyone was excitedly awaiting the New Year, which would arrive in fifteen or so minutes. Mairead had managed to avoid the party, which was easier than it had been to avoid the Christmas festivities, now that she and Sirius were not speaking and he was not eagerly pulling her in to participate at every turn. She had spent her evening in her potions lab, and when she had finished bottling the Murtlap Essence she had been working on for the past few days she told herself that she would just drop it in Remus's room and leave. But now that she was here, she couldn't quite bring herself to go in.

"He isn't in there, you know."

Mairead jumped and squeaked in an undignified sort of way. Clutching her fingers more tightly around the bottle she had almost dropped, she spun around and saw Sirius there, arms folded and looking thoroughly displeased at the sight of her. "It's the full moon," he said. "He's in Yorkshire."

"I know that," she said breathlessly, feeling her heart quieting down after the startle. "I was just -"

"Dropping off more gifts you don't want anymore?" Sirius's eyes were hard and cold. Mairead looked down at her feet, feeling her heart sink. "He spent all of his money on that necklace, you know. It was the very last of the gold he'd managed to hang onto from his teaching salary at Hogwarts. But I don't suppose that matters to you."

Mairead took a shaky breath, still looking at the ground. "He told me he had the money," she said softly.

"Yeah, well, as you've so deftly pointed out, not all of us are the shining bastions of honesty and integrity that you are, princess." His words sizzled with malice.

Mairead pinched her lip between her fingers, trying not to cry. She did not want to give Sirius the satisfaction. He had turned extremely nasty towards her since she had gone to dinner with Gus, and she had felt it best just to avoid him altogether.

"I can't believe you," Sirius said after nearly a minute of silence. "I thought you loved him. I thought - I can't believe I fell for it. I can't believe I helped you get to him. Now he's... I haven't seen him like this in years. Not since the first of your kind came along and fucking wrecked him. Now it's partially my fault he's miserable... I just..." he sighed in disgust. "I thought you loved him."

"I do love him!" Mairead snapped, unable to keep quiet any longer. "I love him more than I have ever loved anybody in my entire life!"

"Wow," Sirius drawled sarcastically. "So, what? You love him slightly more than a stubbed toe and slightly less than a mealy apple?"

"Fuck you!" Mairead craned her arm back, wanting to throw something in his horrible, handsome face, but stopped herself at the last second. Essence of Murtlap took a minimum of three days to stew and only produced one small bottle, and she didn't want to waste it on Sirius.

Sirius's eyes went to the bottle in her hand. "What is that, anyway?" he asked.

"Oh, you know," Mairead bit out viciously. "Just another extremely complex potion that requires absurdly expensive and difficult to source ingredients and which requires me to spend hours and days out of my life every single month devoting meticulous attention to brewing - and that's not including the countless hours I've spent growing and nurturing the herbs that are too expensive all by myself - only so at the end of all that I can throw in a handful of sugar and ruin it, just to fuck with Remus."

For the first time, Sirius looked just the tiniest bit ashamed. He didn't say anything, but he finally took his razor sharp eyes off her, choosing instead to stare at the bottle.

"I can't believe you thought I would hijack Remus's transformation like that," Mairead said, beyond hurt at the memory of what Sirius had said, and the way Remus had defended him when he had been right there and seen the whole thing happen.

Sirius sighed. "Gryffindor -"

"I am not a Gryffindor." Mairead's voice wavered as she spoke, and she could feel her eyes stinging.

"I'm doing my best, all right?!" Sirius snapped. "This isn't easy for me."

Mairead opened her mouth, a cutting retort ready on the tip of her tongue, but she once again restrained herself. It wasn't right to ridicule someone who was trying.

Perhaps because he could see the effort she was making, Sirius's voice was a little softer when he spoke again. "What is it?" he repeated.

She considered not telling him, but then decided she had been petty enough. "Murtlap Essence." She considered the bottle in her hands. "I overheard Remus talking to the other werewolf in the Serious Bites ward. He said this helps with sore muscles after the full moon. I would've made some for him ages ago, but I didn't know he experienced muscle soreness afterwards. He never complained of it to me."

"He never complains about anything," Sirius said, his voice gentling.

"I suppose that's true," said Mairead quietly. "Except me."

"He hasn't complained about you," Sirius said. "Mostly he just feels terrible."

"Yeah, well... I can relate."

They both stared at the bottle in silence for a long while. Eventually, and with extreme reluctance, Sirius said, "I shouldn'tve said that to you. About the potion."

Mairead's eyes snapped to his. "No, you shouldn't," she agreed, but her voice had lost its harshness.

"I... I was angry," Sirius admitted. "I thought you were throwing it in Remus's face. That you could bin him and immediately go out and find another bloke."

"And why would I do that?" Mairead asked flatly.

Sirius looked around the corridor, as if hoping to find the answer on the floor somewhere. "I don't know, Mairead," he finally said, sounding exasperated. "I didn't know why you were doing what you were doing."

"Why I was having dinner with an old friend?"

"Why you dumped Remus and immediately started dating another man!"

Mairead sighed in frustration. "It wasn't a date," she said through gritted teeth.

"Don't you think I know that now?" said Sirius defensively. Tension and anger were sparking between them again. Sirius sighed and turned away for a moment, raking his hand through his hair. When he turned back to her, he demanded, "Why didn't you just tell us he was gay?"

Mairead gave him a hard look. "I shouldn't have had to," she said. "You should have believed me when I told you it wasn't a date."

Sirius threw up his hands. "Well, it sure as hell looked like a date!" he exclaimed.

Mairead cocked her head to one side and leveled him with a critical look. "Why?" she challenged. "Because a woman isn't allowed to have platonic male friends? What's next, Sirius? If I get into a Healing Academy am I not going to be allowed to have male professors? Are the two of you going to start scrutinizing my female friends, just in case one of them is gay and interested in me?"

"I don't have a problem with your friends, and neither does Remus!" Sirius said, his voice growing angry again. "What I'm less okay with is you going around throwing yourself at other men right in front of Remus."

"IT WASN'T A DATE!" Mairead shouted.

"HOW WERE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?" Sirius bellowed.

"BECAUSE I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU OVER AND OVER!" Mairead's eyes were wet, but she ignored it as her fury took hold of her. "It's your own damn fault if you don't believe me!"

Sirius folded his arms and gave her a thoroughly condescending look. "Did you ever stop to consider the possibility that maybe - just maybe - it seemed like it was a date to him?"

"He's. Gay," Mairead bit out.

"We didn't know that."

"You didn't need to!" Mairead cried. "You needed to believe me! I thought we were friends." Her voice gave out on the last word.

Sirius locked eyes with her. After a very tense silence, he said, "You're right." The tone of his voice was entirely different from how it had been for the conversation leading up to this point. "You're right," he repeated. "I should have believed you... I was totally out of line. I'm sorry."

Mairead had been ready to go down fighting. She didn't quite know what to do with Sirius's abrupt change in course. She looked down and fiddled with the bottle in her hands for want of something to do.

Sirius sighed heavily. "Why did you do it?" he asked, his voice sounding so pained Mairead looked up. "Why did you reject him? If you love him so much, why didn't you want to come back?"

Mairead gestured helplessly with her hands. "Because... I couldn't work with what he was offering," she said hesitantly.

"He was offering you himself," said Sirius, his blue eyes burning into hers.

"He was offering me his bed," Mairead said wearily. "All he wanted was to sleep with me again. He didn't want anything else."

Sirius shook his head. "That doesn't sound like Remus," he said slowly. "He's mad about you. I think you misinterpreted what he was saying."

"I don't think so," said Mairead. "Look, Remus was right: he told me a long time ago what this was between us. He said he was never going to agree to anything long-term with me. He said that sex was all there would ever be between us. He said no one could find out. And I agreed... I thought that would be enough. I thought that I would be happy with whatever he was willing to give me. And for a while I was. But... I just can't do it again. I can't go back to sleeping with someone I'm in love with, who doesn't feel anything for me in return." She slumped against the wall when she finished speaking and slid slowly down to the floor.

"Remus does love you," Sirius said earnestly. "I know it! I know him. He's in love with you."

"Has he actually told you that, though?" Mairead asked. "Have you heard him say those words?"

"Well, no, but what you-"

"Look," said Mairead firmly. "I know you think that, but here's the thing: Remus told me that he's not in love with me. He told me that all he ever wanted was sex, and that's all he ever accepted from me. His actions have lined up exactly with his words. And since he's so inscrutable that's all I've got to go on."

Sirius made a discontented sound. "Just... just give it one more try," he said. "Maybe after all this stuff about the Healer he'll -"

"I can't." Mairead pressed her knuckles hard against her mouth, hoping the pain would distract her from the need to cry.

"Why not?"

"Because - because I c-can't go back to a relationship where the man I love is ashamed of me." Mairead pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her face in them. She heard Sirius sit down beside her.

"What the bloody hell gave you that impression?" he asked gently.

Mairead hiccoughed. "H-he told me." She just managed to get the words out before dissolving into tears.

She heard a dull thump and identified it as the sound of Sirius letting the back of his head bump into the door at both their backs. "Jesus Christ, Moony, you really know how to fuck things up, don't you?" she heard him whisper. Then he slid an arm around her shoulders and pulled her to his side.

"No," Mairead said thickly, jerking away from him.

"Why not?" asked Sirius, sounding perplexed.

"I don't want you to." Self-pity was rising over her and she reached for it with both hands, drawing it around her shoulders like a heavy blanket that could block out the world. "We aren't friends."

"Of course we are," Sirius said softly. "C'mere -"

"You're only friends with me when I'm pining after your boy-o," Mairead cut him off, her voice bitter and unyielding. "The minute I stop and try to move on with my life you turn into a total arse."

Sirius was quiet for such a long time Mairead thought she had angered him again. But when he finally spoke, his voice was full of regret. "You're right. I didn't intend for it to be that way, but you're right. I'm sorry."

Mairead shrugged. "Whatever," she said in a hollow voice.

"Come on, Mairead, I've apologized twice now!" Sirius snapped defensively. "If you knew how hard it is to get even one of those out of me you wouldn't be quite so dismissive."

Mairead turned her face and looked up at him from her vantage point resting her cheek on her knees. He looked beside himself with indignation that she was making him grovel. She couldn't help herself; a tiny giggle escaped her. At first Sirius looked bewildered by her reaction, but after a few moments he chuckled ruefully, a smile tugging at his lips. "If I promise not to be such a gombeen in the future can we be friends again?" he asked, his eyes glinting teasingly at her.

Mairead rolled her eyes. "Not the right use of the word 'gombeen,'" she said. "But yes."

Sirius chuckled again, shaking his head at her. "You're a real piece of work, you know that?"

Mairead sniffled and wiped her eyes. "Yeah, but you love me anyway," she mumbled, her voice still hoarse from crying.

Sirius groaned, but put his arm around her shoulders again, this time without resistance from her. "Well, I guess you don't make it overly laborious," he reluctantly admitted.

Mairead smiled slightly and leaned her head against his shoulder. Downstairs, she could hear everyone in the drawing room cheering. A few people started to sing.

"Happy New Year, Sirius," said Mairead softly.

She heard Sirius sigh. Then, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Happy New Year, Gryffindor."

---

Despite her reconciliation with Sirius, Mairead did not return to Grimmauld Place until that Saturday. Her feelings about Remus had become so confusing that she did not know what would happen when she next saw him. Her longing for him had grown so painful it reminded her of the first few months after he had left Hogwarts.

She had missed him so badly in those days it had literally hurt, causing her stomach pain and headaches. She had thought her lowest moment would be digging back through all of her old school homework until she had amassed a collection of every single essay she had ever written for him, just so she could trace her fingers over the notes he had written in the margins - Interesting, but needs clarification ... Correct spelling: Fiendfyre ... Excellent connection! ... Can't read handwriting here - but then she had taken to rereading them almost every day, and had eventually resigned herself to the knowledge that this wasn't so much a low point as a low new reality. All that had gotten her through was the hope that fluttered in her chest every time she walked into a crowd that he might be there, that one day she might see him again.

Now, however, she knew exactly where to find him, but did not know how to go to him, having told him that she wanted nothing to do with him. And really, she should want nothing to do with him. He had crossed so many lines it was like he thought they were a pedestrian crossing. She told herself what he had done was unforgivable. And during the fleeting moments when she managed to work herself back into a fury at him, she believed it. He had followed her without her knowledge. He had insulted her intelligence and her discretion. He had all but called her a 'slut.' And when she remembered the way he had used Cedric's name against her, she immediately burst into tears, though whether they were tears of anger or tears of grief, she could not tell. By all accounts, Mairead should be relieved, happy even, that Remus Lupin had finally listened to one thing she had said, and was staying away from her.

Yet she missed him. She missed the gentle hum of his voice, the warm smile that felt like it was just for her. She missed his kind eyes, and his crooked, teasing smile. She missed him during the day when something happened that she longed to tell him about, and she missed him at night when she couldn't sleep, or worse, when she did sleep and dreamt he was beside her, only to wake up alone.

She missed him so badly that, when she did finally return to Grimmauld Place for the Order's weekly meeting and saw him there, smiling and chatting with Bill, her eyes filled with tears and she had to pretend she had forgotten something and duck back out of the room until she got herself under control.

But she also missed him badly enough that the self-preservation part of her brain recognized how dangerous it was to let someone else have such control over her emotions. And so she stayed away from him, even though it meant that she was back to sleeping, guiltily, in Sturgis Podmore's flat now that Mr. Thompson had returned. She had gotten a few other requests for house-sitting, but she had been so distracted by all of the goings-on at headquarters that by the time she had returned the clients' phone calls, they had all found someone else.

Most of the meeting was taken up with talk of how to take the students back to Hogwarts a week from Sunday. Dumbledore felt it would be taking an unnecessary risk to transport Harry on the Hogwarts Express. Moody reiterated his belief that You-Know-Who was planning something big, based on what he had been able to pick up through the receivers, and agreed that there was a real possibility that an attack on the Hogwarts Express was being planned for the return trip. Though she stayed silent for the entire meeting, Mairead agreed with Dumbledore and Moody. There was no sense in playing right into The Dark Lord's hands by being predictable. After much discussion, The Knight Bus was settled on as the method of transportation.

Unsurprisingly, multiple members of the Order volunteered to be on duty, but in the end Dumbledore selected Remus and Tonks. Mairead thought that Tonks looked delighted at being paired with Remus and the two shared a smile, though the former grinned broadly and the latter was more reserved in expressing his pleasure. Not for the first time, Mairead wondered whether Remus's attention would eventually be diverted to the spunky Auror with the pretty face. The two of them made more sense in a lot of ways, and Mairead doubted Tonks would let Remus get away with a lot of the things Mairead had tolerated for far longer than she was comfortable with.

While she was stealing morose glances at the man she loved, Mairead's gaze wandered over to Remus's side, where Sirius was sitting, face in hand, staring blackly at the tabletop. Mairead frowned. Normally Sirius was quite vocal during any discussions that involved Harry, but he had been conspicuously silent for this one. She kept an eye on him for the rest of the meeting, and was surprised to note that he slipped off as soon as the meeting was adjourned, instead of staying behind to help with dinner preparations.

"Do you know where Sirius went?" Mairead asked Mrs. Weasley, who was deftly shaping dough into dinner rolls.

"Oh, he's probably up in Buckbeak's room sulking again," said Mrs. Weasley, rolling a ball of dough in each hand. "He's been having more and more fits of the sullens lately. Could you hand me that tray, dear?"

Mairead did as she was asked, then excused herself. She went up to the third floor, and walked as quickly past Remus's bedroom as she could without tripping over her own feet.

She knocked on the door of the master bedroom, but knew better than to wait for Sirius to answer, and called, "Sirius, I'm coming in." She stepped into the room and found Sirius on the floor beside Buckbeak, his back leaning against the wall, one leg bent at the knee and the other stretched out in front of him. "Hey," she said softly. Sirius nodded, a single jerk of the head upwards, then went back to staring across the room, a cross look on his face.

Mairead had seen enough of these moods to know what was likely to provoke Sirius, and so she did not ask him to come down to dinner. She simply crossed the room and sat down beside Sirius, leaning her body towards him but not quite touching.

The two sat in silence and watched Buckbeak strip the flesh off a rat carcass. Eventually, Mairead tilted her head over and rested it on Sirius's shoulder.

"Is this okay?" she asked. She felt Sirius shrug, and took that as a yes.

Presently there was another knock on the door. "Padfoot, it's me," came a gentle voice from the other side.

Mairead lifted her head. Beside her, Sirius snorted.

"Bet you wish you'd left me alone now, don't you?" he said in petty satisfaction.

The door opened, and Remus poked his head in. He came up short when he spotted Mairead, whatever he was about to say frozen in his half-open mouth. Remus blinked, then recovered. "Dinner is ready," he said. "Molly wants to know whether to set a place for you."

Sirius barked out a cold laugh. "Molly is just being a nosy -"

"What should I tell her?" Remus interrupted. His voice and face were blank, and Mairead couldn't tell what he was thinking, but she would bet that he had been dealing with this for some time now and was tired of it.

"Tell her she can take her place setting and shove it up-"

"I'll tell her you won't be coming down." Remus's tone was clipped. His eyes went to Mairead, but he said nothing. He seemed uncertain how, or whether, to speak to her.

"I'm going to stay here with Sirius," said Mairead softly. "Do you mind letting Mrs. Weasley know, please?"

"Not at all," he said, bowing his head before ducking out of the room.

She heard a dull thud, and looked over to find Sirius letting his head thump against the wall behind them. Silence fell once more. Mairead waited a while, then laid her head on Sirius's shoulder again. He shrugged sharply, upsetting Mairead's head.

"You should go down to dinner," he said. His voice was dull, but it lacked the venom that had been there earlier when talking to Remus.

"I'd rather be with you, if that's all right," she said.

Sirius's lip curled. "Why?"

Mairead looked up at his profile. His face was twisted into bitter lines, and the eye she could see was hard and cold like the sky on a frigid winter night. He looked angry and spiteful and pitifully, painfully lonely. She wrapped both of her hands around his arm and hugged it to herself, nuzzling her face back into his shoulder. "Because I love you," she said simply.

She felt Sirius turn his head sharply and look at her, but she just hugged his arm a little closer.

"I'm so sorry Harry is leaving soon," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

There was a long silence, broken only by the sounds of Buckbeak snuffling around trying to find a rat bone that had gotten lost among his feathers. After a long time, Mairead felt Sirius rest the side of his head against the top of Mairead's.

"What can I do?" she murmured.

"Nothing," he said, his voice heavy and still bitter. "Just leave. It's what everybody else does."

"Sirius," Mairead whispered, turning and looking up at him. "What can I do?"

Sirius huffed out a few heavy breaths before turning and looking away from her so that she could not see his face when he spoke.

"Could you... would you come back?" he asked, his voice hushed and hoarse. "Can you please move back in here?"

Mairead considered this. She considered the frequency with which she would have to see Remus, considered how painful it would be. She thought about what it would be like if he ever did take a fancy to Tonks. Would he bring her over to spend the night at Grimmauld Place? Would Mairead have to watch Tonks come out of his bedroom, hair mussed, lips swollen, wearing nothing but a pair of knickers and her Beatles t-shirt? Would Mairead's heart hold up?

Then she considered Sirius, with all he had lost and how lonely he had been for so long, and how Harry's leaving over and over again must feel like a new loss every time.

"On one condition," she said.

"What?"

"Come down to dinner," she said. "I want you to quit wasting your time hiding away up here when Harry is still downstairs." Sirius scoffed and Mairead could tell he was going to argue, so she quickly added, "When he's gone you can hang out in here all you want. We'll have an extra bedframe and wardrobe built out of all the rat bones lying around."

Sirius scoffed again, but it sounded a lot closer to a laugh this time. He sighed heavily. "You drive a hard bargain," he said. "But I can't deny I'd love to see you build a man-sized four-poster bed out of rat bones. You've got yourself a deal."

Mairead laughed, then pushed herself to her feet, offering him a hand.

When the two walked into the kitchen together, Harry's face lit up. He beamed at Sirius and leapt to his feet, rushing to set another place at the table next to himself. Mairead smiled quietly to herself, at least until Sirius leaned in and growled, "Don't gloat."

Mairead giggled and released his arm so that he could go sit by his godson. She glanced around to find a place for herself to sit, when she noticed Remus staring at her. His gaze darted back and forth between Mairead and Sirius, eyes wide with surprise and wonder. She looked away quickly, suddenly overcome with bashfulness towards him.

"Here, Mairead, sit here," offered Bill from his place on Remus's left. He picked up his plate and wineglass and slid down one place, leaving the seat next to Remus open.

Remus and Mairead both blinked at Bill in surprise, then looked at each other uncertainly.

Well, I am going to have to live with him again, she told herself reasonably.

Not wanting to seem rude, Mairead walked over and sat down beside Remus, tucking her hair behind her ears as she took her seat. As uncomfortably aware of Remus's presence as she was, she looked over at Sirius and Harry and saw the two of them loudly talking about Quidditch, Sirius's eyes bright with love for the young man, and she couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips.

"Thank you."

Mairead looked up at Remus, who was looking at her tentatively.

"I don't know how you got him out of that room," Remus said quietly, "but thank you."

Mairead was not sure which was worse: the pain that lanced through her at being back in close proximity to Remus, or how easy he seemed to find it to pretend that nothing had happened.

"No problem," she mumbled.

She spent the rest of the meal picking at her food and pretending he wasn't there.

---

"Sirius?"

"Mmph."

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

"Ugh. May I ask you something?"

"Fucking what, Gryffindor?"

Mairead pushed herself up from her vantage point slouched down against Buckbeak and looked over at Sirius. He was sitting on his bed, his back against the headboard, arms folded loosely. He looked thoroughly unhappy. Mairead had come up here after moving her things back into her old room earlier that evening. She knew that he had only gone down to dinner because she had asked him to, and she wanted to offer him some company. Even if he wasn't particularly good company himself.

Mairead looked down at her hands and fiddled with the rough edge of a fingernail, wondering whether or not to ask.

Sirius sighed. "Spit it out already. I haven't got all night."

"Yes, you have."

Sirius arched a brow. "Oh, right," he said flatly. Mairead laughed. Something in Sirius's expression lightened almost infinitesimally. "Go on, ask your question, then," he said. "But only because you've got a cute laugh."

Mairead nibbled on her lip, then said in a tiny voice, "On New Year's Eve, you said something about the last of my kind coming along and wrecking Remus... What did that mean?"

"Fuck." Sirius let the back of his head thump against the headboard. "I suppose that means that Remus never mentioned Jo to you?"

"Joe?" Mairead repeated. "Who's he?"

"She. Josephine." Sirius thought for a long moment before he reluctantly admitted, "Remus was engaged to her for about five minutes back when we were nineteen."

Mairead felt for a moment as though the ground had become a Portkey. There was a jerking sensation in her stomach and it felt like the ground was pulling away from her. "Oh," she breathed. "So... so he was really in love with her?"

There was a pregnant pause before Sirius reluctantly said, "Yeah, he really was."

Mairead nodded, wishing she hadn't asked. A part of her had been getting by with the thought that maybe it wasn't her fault that Remus didn't love her; maybe he just wasn't the type ever to fall in love. Now she knew that the unpleasant little voice in her head that whispered her inadequacies to her like a lullaby at night was right; it wasn't that Remus didn't believe in falling in love; it was that she really was unlovable.

She told herself she should let it go, change the subject or maybe just leave. But her self-hatred was sadistic, and liked to see her suffer, and so she asked, "Did you like her?"

Sirius sighed again. "Yeah, I liked her," he admitted. "We all did. Jo was..." he clicked his tongue regretfully. "At the time, we all thought she was pretty great."

Mairead closed her eyes. "What was she like?" she whispered.

Sirius shifted in the bed, unfolding his arms and resting them on his bent knees instead. "Brave. Smart. Audacious. Funny as hell."

"Pretty?"

"... Yeah, that too," Sirius admitted, sounding sorry, like he knew he was hurting her. "She was a couple of years behind us at Hogwarts. Remus met her in Seventh Year. He was helping out, tutoring Fifth Years to help them get ready for their O.W.L.s."

"But wasn't he preparing to take the N.E.W.T.s?" Mairead asked. "How did he have the time to tutor Fifth Years?"

"'Cause he's Remus," Sirius said, like it should be obvious. Which, Mairead admitted to herself, it should have been. "Anyway, she was one of the Fifth Years he was assigned to tutor and he just... I told you a while back that Remus doesn't fall often. But when he falls, he falls hard. And we'd never seen him fall this hard for someone before."

Mairead could feel her eyes burning and blinked them, twitching her nose at the irritation.

"And I... I wanted to do something nice for him. You see, I'd played a prank, a little more than a year before. I was angry and I wanted to teach Snape a lesson for being so vile and nosy and - I just wanted to scare him, but I went too far. At the end of our Fifth Year, I sent Snape after Moony on the night of the full moon."

Mairead inhaled sharply, staring at Sirius with wide eyes.

"Prongs wound up going after Snape and saving him before anything could happen to him, but he saw Remus. He knew then that he was a werewolf. And when Remus transformed back the next day..." Sirius shook his head. "Anyway, he eventually forgave me, but I guess I never quite forgave myself. I thought that maybe if I could set him up with the girl of his dreams it'd make up for what I'd done. So I talked to James and he got Lily on board, and Wormtail did whatever we told him to do, and next thing you know the four of us hatched a plan to get them together. And it worked. They dated for the rest of the school year, and they stayed together when Remus graduated." One corner of Sirius's mouth turned up. "I remember - Jo wound up acing the O.W.L.s and to thank Remus she bought him this briefcase. It was partially a thank you present and partially a graduation present. She told him he'd make a great professor and that one day he'd be back at Hogwarts teaching. Anyway, she had it stamped with -"

"'Professor R.J. Lupin,'" Mairead breathed.

Sirius looked at her curiously. "How did you know that?" he asked.

Mairead rubbed a knuckle hard between her eyebrows. "Because he still has it," she said. "He brought it with him to Hogwarts."

Sirius was quiet for a moment. "Mairead, whatever you're thinking, it's over between them," he said. "Well and truly over."

"What happened?"

Sirius's gaze darkened. "Well, like I said, they stayed together after Remus graduated. He was waiting for her to graduate, so they did long distance and they met up for every Hogsmeade weekend and she came to Lily and James's wedding. Remus told us she was the love of his life. He said she was perfect. And for a long time it seemed like she was. She seemed perfect for him, perfect for all of us, really. She fit in really well with our lot. She was funny and loud and brash and she was really confident and her confidence boosted Remus's confidence and... he couldn't wait for her to graduate. He wanted them to get a flat together and have her join the Order with the rest of us. He had all these plans."

Mairead wrapped her arms around herself and rested her chin on her knees. Was that what Remus wanted in a partner? Someone confident and loud? The more Sirius described Jo, the less she sounded like Mairead and the more she sounded like, well, Tonks. The more Sirius told her, the more convinced Mairead became that Remus had just been passing time with her. Remus hadn't avoided making plans with Jo. Remus hadn't been nervous about introducing his friends to Jo. Remus hadn't been reluctant to move in and envision a future with Jo.

It wasn't that Remus was afraid of building a life with someone. It was that he just didn't want to build it with Mairead.

"So what happened?" Mairead repeated quietly. "Why didn't they?"

"Well, here's the thing," said Sirius. "Yeah, they dated for three years and yeah Remus was convinced he and Jo were soulmates, but in all that time, he left out one tiny little thing: he never told her he was a werewolf."

Mairead frowned. "She never figured it out?" she asked. "How?"

Sirius shrugged. "Most people never figured it out," he said. "Lily didn't. James told her. Snape didn't. He saw Remus beginning to transform."

"So who told her?"

"Moony did." Sirius's voice was becoming heavy now. "He came over to Lily and James's place a couple of days before Jo was set to graduate. Showed us a ring he'd scraped and saved for. He said he was planning a picnic in Hogsmeade and was going to pop the question. We were all happy for him, but James... he told Remus he should tell her. Remus obviously didn't want to, but Prongs said he couldn't build a future with someone he was constantly lying to. They argued and I remember Remus turned to Lily for help, but she took James's side. Said he owed it to himself to come clean. She said it was self-hatred causing him to be afraid, but that he'd see that Jo would stand by him. So Remus took Jo on his picnic. Had a good time. Made love in the grass. And afterwards, he pulled out the ring and proposed. She said yes. And then he said he had something he needed to tell her..."

Mairead had been resting her forehead on her knees while listening, but a loud bang made her look up. It looked like Sirius had slammed his forearm into the headboard behind him, his eyes burning with old resentment and fury.

"She told him he was a monster. She said he should be locked up. Said he'd tricked her into bestiality. Her grandfather was on the Wizengamot at the time, and she threatened to tell him what Remus was, said if Remus ever came near her again she'd get her grandfather to throw him in Azkaban."

Mairead stared at Sirius, her mouth hanging open in shock and dismay. Remus must have been crushed.

"Remus was... never the same after that," Sirius said grimly. "He told Lily what had happened, and then he disappeared for almost a month. No word. Then he came back and told us he'd volunteered to spy for the Order, but he wouldn't tell us where he was going or whom exactly he was spying on. When he did show up for Order meetings he had all of this really useful information. But after a while I started to wonder just how he'd gotten his hands on that information. James and I, we tried to talk to him, tried to get him to come over, spend time, be like we used to, and sometimes he did, but he just... he wasn't Moony. It was like he constantly had his guard up. You couldn't tell what he was thinking anymore, and everything he said felt so... practiced. I doubt anyone but us noticed anything, but I started to get suspicious... You see, we all knew there was spy in the Order. People were going missing. Missions were failing that shouldn't have failed. We knew we had a mole, we just didn't know who it was... Anyway, after a while Remus started showing up less and less frequently. I eventually confronted him about it, and he told me his mum was ill and he'd been spending his free time with her. I told him I didn't believe him. Called him a liar."

"Why?" Mairead gasped.

Sirius smiled bitterly. "Because that was an old excuse of his," he said. "Back when we were first at school, whenever we asked why he'd disappear once a month, he told us he'd gone home to Wales because his mother was in poor health. I thought - not only was he lying, but he wasn't even bloody trying. I told him as much and he... he just..." Sirius's voice was hushed with old awe when he spoke again. "He exploded. I had never, in the whole time I'd known him, seen him like that. Not even after the prank. Remus just doesn't lose it like that. It's not in his nature. I don't remember which of us drew first, but we dueled. And I -" Sirius laughed a bit breathlessly. "I'm no slouch at dueling, make no mistake, but I got my arse handed to me. He left. And we didn't hear from him again 'til his dad wrote to Lily and told her Remus's mother had died after a long illness."

Mairead put her hands over her mouth but didn't speak, blinking back tears.

"I didn't go to the funeral," Sirius said. "Lily and James did, and Peter, but I... I was too ashamed to go. And I was scared of what Remus would do if he saw me there. A couple of months later Harry was born, and things got a bit easier after that. Remus and I apologized to each other. He started spending more of his free time with us again. But he was still so goddamn guarded. I was convinced he blamed us for the dissolution of his relationship with Jo - James, Lily, and me, that is. I was worried he'd want revenge... I just wasn't ever able to let go of my suspicions, and he in turn developed his own suspicions about me." Sirius laughed. It was a hollow, humorless sound. "The only one in our group that none of us ever suspected was Peter."

Silence fell then. Mairead sat stock still, paralyzed by what Sirius had just told her.

"So, yeah," Sirius concluded. "That's the story of how I ruined Remus's life."

"You didn't ruin his life," Mairead said softly.

"I'm the one whose idea it was to get them together. It was my brilliant plan to absolve myself of guilt." Sirius was quiet for a while, then murmured, "Guess I've never managed to do right by Moony."

"That's not true," whispered Mairead. "He loves you. You love him. Remus doesn't hold that against you - I know it."

But Sirius was shaking his head even as she spoke. "Some of the worst pain in Remus's life is directly because of me," he said. "I'm the reason Snape found out about him. I'm the reason he got together with Jo. I'm the reason James and Lily are dead. I'm the reason he lost his job at Hogwarts..." Sirius scoffed. "And I'm the reason you went after him."

Mairead flinched at this. "I never meant to cause him pain," she said, her breath hitching.

Sirius sighed. "Yeah... neither did I."

---

Even days later, Mairead could not get her mind off what Sirius had told her. A large part of her wanted to track Jo down and tear her eyes out for the way she had treated Remus. In all fairness, she could understand why Jo would feel blindsided to learn that Remus had kept such a big secret from her for two full years, but could she really blame Remus, with the way she had reacted? And regardless of where her opinion fell on at what point Remus owed his girlfriend the truth, he did not deserve to be treated like that. Mairead was certainly no stranger to being hurt by Remus, and indeed, she still felt shock and betrayal over how low he had been willing to go in their last fight, but she could not deny that she found her attitude towards him softening as the days went by.

She did her best to act normal around Remus when she ran into him in the house, and he seemed to be trying to help her out by keeping his distance. She couldn't imagine he was happy to have her back living there again, but she did have to admit that there was a slight boost in Sirius's mood over the next week. He seemed to be making his very best effort to be jovial and hospitable, though he did still occasionally disappear off by himself. Mairead wished there was more she could do to help him.

It was this she was contemplating as she waited in the kitchen for people to start arriving for the next Order meeting. She had her Tarot cards spread out on the kitchen table and was searching idly for advice when she heard the door open.

"Oh, sorry," she heard a voice say. "I didn't mean to interrupt; I was just grabbing a snack before the meeting."

She turned and smiled over at Harry, who had paused in the doorway, hand on the doorknob. "You didn't interrupt anything," she said pleasantly. Ever since their cathartic moment in this very kitchen at the end of the summer holidays, Mairead had looked at the boy in a new light, and while she had felt bitter resentment towards The Boy Who Lived, she decided she quite liked Harry Potter.

Harry's emerald green eyes strayed to the cards on the table as he headed for the pantry. "You're really into that stuff, huh?" he commented while beginning to rummage around for food.

"Not as much as I used to be," Mairead admitted, sitting back and stretching her arms over her head. "To be honest, I hadn't even looked at my cards for months until I spoke with you and Ron about them. But I used to be really into divination in school."

Harry nodded politely, but Mairead could see doubtfulness in his facial expression. "You got on well with Trelawney, then?" he asked, taking an enormous bite out of an apple.

"God, no," Mairead scoffed. "She's a complete mountebank. I dropped her class before I even sat for the O.W.L. But I kept studying it on the side when I had time."

Harry nodded, holding onto the apple in one hand and awkwardly pinching a jar of peanut butter under his opposite elbow and trying to unscrew the lid with his free hand. "Why d'you like it so much?" he asked.

Mairead thought this over. "I suppose..." she said slowly, "it's because... sometimes when a bunch of stuff happens in your life that doesn't make any sense, you want to find a reason. I think it's natural to want to feel that there's meaning in the things you have no control over. It makes you feel safer, sometimes. More stable. Or when you just feel like you haven't the foggiest idea what to do in a certain situation, sometimes it's nice to ask the cards. You can argue you're just talking to yourself when you ask the cards, but I'm not sure. Sometimes stuff comes through that seems, like, way wiser than I am, you know?"

Harry laughed at that, but his face soon fell into a thoughtful expression. "D- do you -" he hesitated, then quickly asked, "Do you ever do readings for other people?"

"Oh, sure," said Mairead. "I used to do them for my friends all the time."

Harry nodded, his snack forgotten in his hands. He seemed too bashful or too proud to take the next step, so Mairead asked, "Do you have a question you'd like me to look into for you?"

Harry took a deep breath and held it in his chest. It was painfully obvious that something was burning a hole in his head, but when he made up his mind he shook his head and said, "That's all right. But thanks."

Mairead shrugged. "Please yourself."

Harry started out of the kitchen with the apple and the jar of peanut butter, but his footsteps slowed as he reached the door. "Just..." he said quietly.

Mairead smiled. "Have a seat," she said, nodding at the seat around the corner from her. Harry dropped into the seat, looking awkward. "What's going on?" she asked, trying to channel Remus's mild, nonthreatening tone that always put her at her ease.

Harry drummed the fingers of one hand on the tabletop. "So... wait - you won't tell Ron or anyone about this, will you?" he asked, suddenly urgent.

Mairead smiled and shook her head. "Confidential."

Harry nodded again. "So there's this girl," he admitted, glancing quickly at Mairead and away again. Mairead waited patiently for him to continue. "I - I've liked her for ages, but I didn't think she liked me back. But... but right before Christmas break - well... there was some mistletoe and..." He trailed off, and Mairead smiled again.

"Classic," she said approvingly. "So you kissed. How was it?"

Harry's brow furrowed. "Well... that's the thing," he continued, looking thoughtful. "She was sort of... crying... at the time."

Mairead tilted her head to one side. "Why?" she asked.

"Well, Hermione said it was probably because she -" Harry broke off suddenly. He looked at Mairead and his green eyes went wide and startled, as if he had just noticed her sitting there. "Er - never mind," he said quickly, pushing his chair back and standing. "I shouldn'tve - I just - I wasn't thinking and I - er, sorry. I've, er, got to go."

Mairead spread her hands in confusion. "What's wrong?" she asked.

Harry tripped over the legs of his chair in his haste to get away. "Nothing," he said, much too quickly to be convincing. "I just - the meeting'll be starting soon, won't it?"

Mairead looked behind her at the clock on the wall. "People won't start arriving for a while yet," she said. "Harry - did I say something wrong?"

"No!" Harry shouted. He winced and massaged his forehead. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking this through..."

"What's wrong?" Mairead repeated.

Harry shot her a look that seemed to be heavy with meaning, but which Mairead could not decipher. "You just..." he seemed to be choosing his words carefully. "You didn't graduate all that long ago. So you, er, probably know her."

"Oh, is that what you're worried about?" asked Mairead. She waved a hand dismissively in a gesture she realized she had picked up from Remus. "Don't worry about that. I won't ask you who she is."

Harry's eyes went to the cards on the table again. "But, I mean, won't the cards, er, tell you who she is?" he said uncertainly.

"That's not how they work," Mairead said.

"You're - you're sure?"

"Positive."

Harry mulled this over for a few moments, then slowly walked back to the table and sat down. Mairead gathered the cards together in her hands, then extended the deck towards him.

"Er -" he said, staring at them like they were an exotic insect he was vaguely afraid of. "What do I do?"

"Shuffle," said Mairead, folding her hands on the table. "Focus on the problem, and what kind of advice you'd like."

"I guess... I'd just like to know what's going to happen," he said thoughtfully.

Mairead nodded once. "We'll do a three card spread," she decided. "One card will represent you, one card will represent her, and one card will represent the outcome of your relationship together." She looked at Harry, who was staring at the top of the deck. "Shuffle," she reminded him gently.

Harry fumbled a bit with the cards before finding a rhythm with them. He looked up when he was finished. "Now what?" he asked.

"Put the cards down," Mairead said, "and tell me which way is up on them." Harry looked puzzled, so Mairead demonstrated. "If I flip up the card this way," she gestured with her hand, "will the card be right side up or upside down?"

"Er... upside down, I guess," said Harry.

Mairead nodded and turned the deck around. "Ready?" she asked.

"I guess so."

Mairead turned over the first card. "This is the Knight of Swords, reversed," she said. "The swords suit represents the element air. Swords indicate intellect, thoughts, the mind, knowledge, cutting through the bullshit, you know? There are a lot of difficult cards in the swords suit. There's a lot of conflict in the swords. Some of the hardest cards in the deck are swords. But there is also a lot of power in the swords. There's action, decision-making, bravery, intelligence. Do you see the clouds in the sky behind him? Stormy skies are common in a lot of the sword cards. There's a lot of storm and strife."

She glanced up at Harry to make sure he was following her. He had a troubled frown on his face. "Now, the Knights are some of the most action-oriented cards in the deck," she continued. "Look at this guy, for example: he's charging forward, sword held high, he's dressed for battle. Doesn't he just look like a hero? And that's because he is. The Knight of Swords is a hero. He doesn't like to waste time fucking arou- I mean, er, dilly-dallying. He likes to jump into the fray. Most people would take cover when storm clouds start to gather, but he's running into the storm. And if he's afraid, he doesn't show it. He's ambitious; he's a man on a mission."

Harry seemed to be heartened somewhat by Mairead's description of the Knight. Her mouth twitched unhappily before she went on. "The thing is, though - the Knight is reversed. That's what it means when it's upside-down like that. Reversed cards can mean different things in different situations. Sometimes they mean the exact opposite of what the direct - or upright - interpretation of the card is. And sometimes it means that the energy of the card is being directed inward, in a very personal, introspective process. Reversed cards can indicate that it's time to do some soul-searching. In this case, however, I think the reversed card means that the energy of the Knight is somehow being blocked. You want to take action, but you're being stymied. You feel stifled. You're restless and you're ready to go, but you're not entirely sure what to do with your restless energy, and it's leading to frustration and aggravation... Does that ring true to you at all?"

Harry was looking at her like she had just started speaking Parseltongue. She took that as a yes.

"Okay," she said. "My only advice to you - and take it or leave it as you please - don't let this restlessness lead to impulsiveness. The swords are about logic and reason. Don't sacrifice rationality for directionless action. Next card..."

She reached for the next card in the deck. "Oh..." she said softly. She gazed sadly at the card. "Erm," she said quietly. "Do - do you know anything about your girlfriend's -"

"She's not my girlfriend!" Harry broke in quickly.

"Oh, okay," Mairead corrected herself. "Well, do you know anything about her, erm... background?"

"Background?" Harry asked blankly.

"Erm..." Mairead squirmed uneasily, starting to regret that she had agreed to do this. This felt like an invasion of the girl's privacy. "Just - did she maybe have, like, a bad breakup?"

Harry frowned and shook his head. "Dunno," he said. "Why?"

Mairead's mouth twisted. "So... this is the Five of Cups," she began, waving her hand at the card. "The Cups represent emotion. Their element is water. They're all about feelings, relationships, intuition. It's really a very gentle suit. Very introspective. But... the Five of Cups is about grieving."

Harry looked up sharply. His mouth had fallen open. Mairead chose her next words carefully.

"Do you happen to know if she recently got out of a bad relationship? A relationship that went south? Maybe he ended things but she didn't want it to be over, or something?"

Harry swallowed, then nodded. He looked extremely tense. Mairead was regretting this more and more.

"Well, regardless of what happened," she tried to say delicately, "she isn't over it. She's still grieving what she lost. Do you see how the person in the card is staring at the three cups that have all spilled? The person is so upset about the cups that have tipped over that they haven't noticed that there are still two cups behind them, perfectly all right. All they have to do is turn around and they would see not only the cups, but a bridge back to their city. But that would mean turning their back on what they've lost, and they're just... they're just not ready." She glanced up at Harry sadly, wishing she could have delivered happier news. "I - I worry that she's going to be constantly comparing you to her ex... and not in your favor."

Harry's mouth was set in a hard line. "Do you want to stop?" she asked.

Harry shook his head. "Nah, let's see the last one," he said in a would-be casual voice.

Mairead reached for the last card, silently hoped that somehow it would be a good card, like the Two of Cups. When she turned it up though, it was a Cups card, but not the Two.

"This is the Eight of Cups," she said through a sigh. She took several seconds to try to find a way to soften the blow. Ultimately, though, Harry took the burden out of her hands.

"He's walking away," he said, leaning forward to look at the card.

Mairead nodded. "Yeah," she whispered. "The cups, they're... they're stacked so meticulously. He tried really hard to work with what he had. But in the end, he decided it wasn't what he was expecting, or it didn't turn out the way he had hoped, or it just wasn't worth the effort. So he... yeah. He chooses to walk away."

Harry regarded the cards in silence, his eyes serious behind his round glasses. After a long time, he nodded. "That makes sense," he said. "Thanks for showing me."

"I'm sorry," Mairead said, feeling horrible for destroying the glow of new love for Harry. Was this his first relationship? Had she just ruined it for him?

Harry shook his head and smiled with an effort. "No, really - I appreciate the advice."

Mairead looked at his cards fretfully, casting about in her mind for some pearl of wisdom or comfort she could offer him, but before anything came to mind the door opened and Mrs. Weasley came in, followed by Snape and Sirius. Harry sent an alarmed look at the cards and Mairead's hands shot forward, clearing away the spread before anyone could see it.

"Err... thanks," Harry said awkwardly before ducking his head and making for the door.

"Just a moment, Harry, dear," said Molly, laying a hand on his arm. "Professor Snape is here a few minutes early. He would like a word with you before the meeting gets underway."

Harry looked blankly back and forth between Mrs. Weasley and his godfather, who was shooting murderous looks Snape's way. "Er - okay," he said.

Snape swept past the small crowd and towards the table. He looked down his hooked nose at Mairead, still sitting where she had been, Tarot cards clutched in her hands. "A little privacy, if it's not too much to ask, Miss O'Keefe," he said snidely. Then, over his shoulder, "Sit down, Potter."

Mairead scrambled to her feet, eager to get away.

"You know," Sirius commented while striding to the table and taking a seat. "I think I'd prefer it if you didn't give orders here, Snape. It's my house, you see."

The last thing Mairead saw as she scurried out the door was Harry taking a seat beside Sirius and looking over at Snape, whose face was beginning to turn red.

---

The moment Remus walked into the kitchen for the meeting he could tell that something was very wrong. The atmosphere was crackling with tension, and he could smell an excessive amount of testosterone in the air. A quick glance at the occupants already in the room was enough to tell him why.

Sirius and Snape were seated at the table already, sitting as far apart as they could without fetching a second table. Sirius was leaning his chair back on two legs, glaring at the ceiling with such intensity it was a marvel it didn't burst into flames. Snape was leaning on the table, glowering at his fingertips, which were steepled together in a contrived imitation of peace.

Remus frowned. It was unlike Snape to arrive so early for a meeting. No doubt he had timed his arrival so that he could torment Sirius in private. Before he could give anymore thought to this, however, his attention was diverted to the third man seated at the table.

"Arthur!" Remus exclaimed in surprise.

The wizard rose to his feet and strode over to meet Remus halfway across the room. "Remus! How marvelous to see you!" Arthur said jovially, shaking his hand enthusiastically in what looked to Remus to be as much relief as genuine happiness. Lowering his voice, Arthur muttered, "Thank God you're here. Molly and I walked in on the two of them a few minutes ago, wands at the ready with Harry standing in the middle trying to calm things down."

Remus shot a concerned glance at Sirius, who was still staring at the ceiling. "Any idea what it was about?" he asked, barely moving his lips.

"Not the foggiest," said Arthur, shaking his head. "Anyway, Molly had me stay here to keep an eye on things while she put the children upstairs, but I'd really rather not attend the meeting in my pyjamas." He gestured down at himself and Remus saw that he was, in fact, wearing a pair of striped pyjamas.

"I'll take it from here, thanks very much, Arthur."

Arthur walked out of the room quickly, like he was trying to escape before Remus changed his mind.

The second the door was closed, Sirius's chair leveled out with a bang.

"Now, where were we?" he growled at Snape, reaching inside his robes.

Snape's coal black eyes snapped to Sirius. "Ah, yes, of course you would be confused; it's been so long for you," he said silkily, pushing his chair back and rising. "You'll no doubt have forgotten how to use your wand. Do stop me if you need any tips."

Sirius jumped to his feet, horse kicking his chair away from himself. "Draw your fucking wand, Snivellus."

"Sirius," Remus broke in, reaching for his own wand.

"Stay out of this, Remus!" Sirius barked.

"People are going to start arriving any moment," Remus reminded the both of them as they advanced on one another.

"This won't take long," Snape said smoothly. "I, for one, have managed to hang onto my wand for the past fourteen years."

"Yeah?" replied Sirius. "And just how many Ministry officials did you have to bribe and hoodwink to manage that?"

"All these cleaning products must have addled your brains," Snape said softly. "You see, I am a free man. Unlike you, who would be arrested and fed to the dementors the minute you poked your overly large head out the door."

"At least I'm actually innocent!" shouted Sirius.

"Innocent of the crime you were imprisoned for, perhaps," Snape said. There was a triumphant look in his eyes that Remus did not like at all. "But you cannot in all honesty say that you are innocent in the death of your friend and his wife, now can you? After all, that was all your brilliant plan, was it not?"

Sirius raised his wand, his eyes wild with rage and violence.

"Expelliarmus!" Remus cried. Snape's and Sirius's wands both flew out of their hands towards Remus, who managed to catch one in each hand while keeping hold of his own.

Both men immediately rounded on Remus. "Give it back, Moony!" Sirius said through gritted teeth. Snape did not bother with words, but lunged for Remus, grabbing for any of the three wands Remus held.

Remus experienced a moment of trepidation, wondering whether kicking his arse would be the thing that would at long last unite Sirius and Snape. Before another word could be said, though, the door opened. Remus turned to see who had arrived, hoping for Mad-Eye or Bill, and his mouth fell open in dismay.

"No. Get out. Right now. Turn around and leave," he ordered, his voice tight as the first fear of the situation gripped his heart.

Mairead's dark green eyes went wide when she took in the scene. "Oh, okay," she said softly. She took a step backwards and Remus relaxed slightly, but then she stopped. "Do you need help?"

"NO!"

All three men shouted at the same time.

"Mairead, turn around and leave right now," Remus instructed her, trying to keep his voice calm.

Mairead's eyes were shifting among the three wizards, looking heavily disconcerted. "No, I think I'll stay," she said softly.

Remus's jaw tightened. "Mairead -" But his admonishment was cut off by Snape, who capitalized on Remus's distraction and made another grab for his wand, this time successful.

"Let her stay, Lupin," Snape taunted, pointing his wand at him now. "Surely she can hold her own, can she not? She is a member of the Order of the Phoenix, after all. Though not -"

"Accio, wand!"

Snape broke off, agog when his wand once again soared out of his grip and into the hand of another.

"Nice one, Mairead!" Sirius said gleefully. "Now give me my wand back, Moony."

"No, I think I'll hold onto it for now, Sirius," said Remus. He looked quickly at Mairead, who was holding Snape's wand in her hands and looking astonished at her own temerity. "Mairead, why don't you give that to me? Sirius and Severus can both have their wands back once the meeting starts."

She swallowed and handed the wand over, clearly being careful to avoid the baleful gaze of its owner.

"Let's all have a seat," Remus suggested in a deadly pleasant voice. He strolled casually over to the table. Looking around, he could see that Mairead had now noticed the chair Sirius had kicked across the room. "Sit next to me, please," he said to her, pulling out a chair for her.

Obediently, she dropped into the chair and Remus gave it a small push towards the table, then slid into the seat next to her. Her presence may have been the thing that cut the fight off at its knees, but if either Sirius or Snape - who were still looking daggers at one another - was going to try anything else, Remus wanted Mairead as close to him as possible.

"I'm sorry about all this," he muttered to Mairead. He wondered if she was going to hate him for ignoring her orders to stay away from her.

"It's fine," she said in a tiny voice. She looked up at him meekly. "Are you okay?"

She looked so heartbreakingly sweet, looking up at him anxiously, that even though he had vowed to leave her alone, he couldn't help but smile at her. "I'm fine, thank you," he said softly.

For the first time since Christmas Day, Mairead's eyes searched his own. And for the first time since he didn't know when, he laid himself bare for her, let her look. It didn't take long for her to interpret what she was seeing; he knew she understood. She had always been inexplicably deft at finding ways around the barriers he constructed. At times it felt like, if he were to look back over his shoulder at the terrain of his life since Mairead had come into it, he would find a landscape littered with walls Mairead had found her way around just as fast as he could build them. He had retreated and retreated and yet every time he turned around, there she was, not pestering him, not demanding, not asking for anything but the one thing he was terrified of giving to her: nearness.

For her part, Mairead did not look well. To be sure, she was as pretty as she had ever been, but unhappiness had taken up residence in her body. She carried it in her hands, on her shoulders. Sadness filled up all the tiny places in her: the spaces between her eyelashes, the places where her curls brushed her shoulders. Remus wanted to run his hands over her, kiss away the sadness that was dusting her like extra freckles, comb his fingers through her hair until the melancholy fell out.

And she saw it. She saw it all.

They gazed at one another, eyes locked, until Snape cleared his throat obnoxiously and Remus remembered that they had an audience. He looked away, knowing even as he did so that he was letting her down yet again.

True to his word, Remus returned the wands to Sirius and Snape as soon as Dumbledore arrived. He then returned to his seat, his attention divided between the meeting's agenda items and the young woman who sat at his side, never speaking but drawing him in nevertheless.

When the meeting ended and the kitchen grew louder with the arrival of the younger Weasleys, Harry, and Hermione, Mairead gave Remus a small, shy smile before standing and offering to help Molly make dinner. Remus watched her go, his hand unconsciously sliding over to the spot on the table where she had rested hers.

Molly turned towards the group. "Let's see," she said, counting with the handle of the spoon in her hand. "Who is staying for dinner?" She went person to person, tallying them out loud. Mundungus and Mad-Eye would be staying, as well as Bill and Charlie. When she came to Snape, Molly said, "And I know you must be getting back, Professor Snape..."

"Yes," Snape said shortly, rising to his feet.

"That's too bad," Molly said graciously. "I'm cooking up a special dinner tonight, to celebrate Arthur's recovery, you know. But I imagine you must be very busy preparing for the start of the spring term, as it's the last day of the holidays."

Sirius offered him a sarcastic little wave, eyes glinting with malice.

Snape took this in with a cold gaze before turning back to Molly. "On second thought, I think I will stay for dinner, thank you," he said silkily. "It's a cold night and it will be a long trip back to Hogwarts."

Molly looked a little surprised, but rallied quickly and brought a smile to her face. Sirius's face, on the other hand, had gone white with outrage. He rose from his chair, and for a moment Remus wondered whether Sirius was going to hex Snape right in front of everyone. Instead, he balled his hands into fists and marched out of the kitchen.

Snape's lip curled into a victorious sneer. Remus looked from the door Sirius had just disappeared through, to Harry's disappointed and vaguely disgusted facial expression, and knew instantly that this was exactly what Snape had been hoping for. He never stayed for dinner, but he had found a way to get one up on Sirius without starting a duel in the middle of an Order meeting. He knew that taking Sirius's last evening with Harry away from him would hurt far worse than any hex, and Remus despised him for it.

In his moment of distress, Remus's eyes sought out the person he knew could soothe him. But Mairead was on the other side of the room now, holding a bottle of wine she was halfway through opening and glaring at Snape with the ferocity he, himself, was fighting to keep hidden.

On an impulse, Remus half rose from his seat, a vague notion in his mind that he could offer to help Mairead with the wine cork she seemed to be struggling with, but just then she put the wine bottle down and marched out of the room. Remus's heart sank as he watched her go. Was she going to skip dinner, too, in favor of spending her time with Sirius? He had been half hoping she might sit by him through the meal. This hope, however, was instantly dashed when Snape glided over and took Mairead's vacant seat.

"Lupin," he said shortly. Remus closed his eyes briefly, then sat back down, not wanting to make a scene in front of the others, especially Harry, Hermione, and the Weasleys. Snape looked out over the crowd. "It seems as though Black is too self-absorbed to care to spend the last evening in the company of the godson he claims to care so deeply for," Snape commented.

Remus bit back a retort, telling himself he had to remain calm.

"But then, I suppose, that is very like him, now isn't it?" Snape mused. "It's funny how some people never change. Take Miss O'Keefe, for example. It's strange to see her now, when I remember when she would run around in nothing but a diaper."

Remus's shoulders sank. So this is his angle...

Snape glanced sideways at Remus. "You know, I suppose it's a good thing your friends were all wrong when they believed you to be spying for The Dark Lord, Lupin," he said in mock thoughtfulness. "If you really had been at those meetings, I don't imagine you'd have been able to control yourself around a topless child."

Remus's head whipped around to glare at Snape, half of a mind to curse him himself, but he froze when he saw that Mairead had returned. She had finally succeeded in opening the bottle of wine, and was making her way over to the table.

"Would you like a glass of wine, Professor Snape?" she asked, her voice sweet and quiet. Remus took a breath, letting the sound of her voice calm his anger.

"Why, thank you, my dear," Snape said silkily. If he was aware of the sharp looks of surprise both Remus and Mairead were giving him, he did an excellent job of hiding it. "I was just musing to Lupin here about how long you and I have known each other," Snape continued, holding up his wine glass for Mairead to fill. "I believe we met when you were three years old, is that correct?"

Remus watched Mairead's eyes go wary and her shoulders stiffen, and he was sure she knew what Snape was up to as well as he did. "I'm not sure," she said noncommittally, taking Snape's glass from him and carefully pouring in the wine.

Snape leaned back in his chair, looking completely at his ease. "Yes, I believe you were three," he said, unbothered by her lack of buy-in. "Now, let's see... if you were three, what would that have made me?" He tilted his head to one side and pulled a mockingly serious face, stroking either side of his chin with his long, spidery fingers.

Mairead looked at him impassively. "A Death Eater," she said flatly.

Remus had to disguise his surprised laugh as a cough, covering his mouth with his elbow to hide his petty smile.

Snape's eyes glittered unpleasantly, but he chose to ignore Mairead's dig. "No, no, that is not what I meant," he said easily. He looked over at Remus. "Lupin, you and I are the same age. How old would we have been in nineteen seventy-nine?"

Remus set his jaw in resignation and answered, "Nineteen." He felt every bit as disgusting and perverted as Snape wanted him to, and he hated it.

"Ah, yes, that's right!" Snape hissed triumphantly. "Nineteen. I was nineteen when you were three years old, Miss O'Keefe. And as for Lupin - weren't you engaged to be married by the time you were nineteen, Lupin?"

Fuck.

"No," Remus said inexpressively, trying to avoid Mairead's eyes.

"Ah. My mistake," Snape said softly. Mairead set the wineglass down in front of Snape and walked away without offering Remus any. Remus saw Snape's lips curl. It didn't matter what the truth was. His words had had their intended effect. Snape shook his head then. "She certainly seems to have bounced right back from her brush with death, doesn't she?" he commented.

"She's a resilient witch," Remus said loyally.

Snape hummed. "Yes, and I suppose she has you to thank for that, doesn't she? Having worked so very... closely with her at Hogwarts."

Remus said nothing.

"I'm curious, Lupin," Snape went on. "How exactly did you manage having a Squib in your class? She could hardly do the practical coursework."

"Mairead audited my class," Remus answered carefully, sure this was going nowhere good.

"Ah, so is that how you justified it to yourself, then?" Snape asked. "You told yourself she was never really your student, so it didn't count?"

Remus ignored the bait, knowing precisely what Snape was aiming for. Instead, he said, "She was my student; she just audited the class. She did everything save the practical coursework."

Snape's black eyebrows arched. "But how did you assess her work, if she could not complete the practical coursework? Or did you just have her give you oral -"

Snape stopped speaking then and raised his wineglass to his lips, taking a long, slow sip. Holding up his index finger, he made Remus wait as he drained the glass in one extremely drawn out swallow.

Finally, after he had left Remus to stew over exactly what he had wanted him to, he let out a loud, satisfied sigh. "-presentations?" he concluded. He glanced down at the table and saw that Remus's hands were clenched into fists on the tabletop. "No?" he asked delicately. "Well, I'm sure you found plenty of other ways to examine her, didn't you?"

Remus opened his mouth to tell him off, but at that moment, a grumbling, gurgling sound could be heard. Snape blinked a few times, looking slightly unnerved. Then, taking a breath and smiling cruelly, he continued taunting Remus. "Tell me: did you ever find that discipline was an issue with Miss O'Keefe, Lupin?"

"Not at all," Remus said, raising his eyebrows in a practiced expression of mild surprise. "In fact, as I recall the only students I ever had disciplinary issues with were all in Slytherin. But I'm sure that was merely a coincidence, wouldn't you say?"

Snape's eyes flashed viciously. "Quite," he said. "For my part, I had no end of trouble from Miss O'Keefe. Why, there were times when I had to stop myself from bending her over my knee. But then, of course, I don't imagine Miss O'Keefe needed to display any disciplinary issues at all for you to find an excuse to bend her over your knee and lift her skirt, now did she?"

The outrageously objectionable innuendo behind Snape's words was enfeebled somewhat by the fact that he had to raise his voice above his usual poisonous whisper to be heard over the sound of more gurgling. Remus shot a curious look over at Snape.

"Feeling all right, Severus?" he asked lightly.

Snape leaned in so that no one else could hear him, ignoring the continuing sounds of rumbling. "I have to hand it to you, Lupin - the irony is somewhat delicious. That the one supposedly teaching Miss O'Keefe how to fend off unwanted attacks was the very same man who manufactured circumstances so that he could attack her over and over, with no one there to defend her."

Remus ground his teeth together. It took considerable effort to convince his hands to unclench themselves. He started taking deep breaths, but when he did so, he noticed a highly disagreeable odor that seemed to be coming from Snape.

"Tell me, Lupin, because I have been dying to know," Snape said, and Remus could tell he was going in for the kill. "Did you start raping her before your so-called defense lessons began, or did you contrive the idea of private lessons because she was completely repulsed by you and you couldn't get her alone any other way?"

"I never touched her at school!" Remus snarled under his breath.

Snape laughed. "You don't honestly expect me to believe that, now do you, werewolf?" he asked. "I warned Dumbledore against hiring you. I told him that beasts like you could not be trusted around children. I told him you and your friends were so used to getting your way that you would stop at nothing to do whatever you wished. And I was right. Although I must admit that I thought you were merely helping a mass murderer enter the school. At the time it did not occur to me that your animalistic urges would lead you to molest the most defenseless girl in the entire -"

Snape suddenly broke off, his eyes wide with urgency. For one moment Remus thought that, for the first time since he was a teenager, he had lost control of his magic and done something to the other man. But then Snape stood and clumsily pushed himself away from the table, heading for the door so quickly he was nearly running. The door snapped shut behind him, but Remus could hear him thundering up the stairs.

Remus watched him leave, half bewildered and half relieved that his tormentor was gone. He was still puzzled fifteen minutes later when Molly began bringing dishes over to the table.

"But where did Professor Snape go?" she asked, looking to Remus for answers.

"I'm not sure," said Remus, glancing towards the door again.

Molly sighed, looking a little exasperated. "Does he want us to wait for him?"

"I doubt it," came Sirius's voice from the doorway.

Remus whipped his head around to find Sirius walking into the room and looking unabashedly gleeful. He dropped down beside Remus, grabbing a roll from the middle of the table and taking a huge bite out of it.

Molly sighed and used her wrist to wipe a tendril of hair from her warm face. "All right, then. Harry, dear, do you mind clearing Professor Snape's wineglass from the table?"

"With joy," Harry said, earning a disapproving look from Molly and a doggish grin from Sirius. Harry was positioned three seats down the table from Sirius, but he still looked delighted that Sirius had returned. Remus was smiling softly at the sight of the two of them when he heard Snape's empty chair scrape along the floor. Looking around, he saw Mairead drop into the seat, ducking her head and pushing her hair back over her shoulders, and he had to stop himself from grinning like a fool.

Mairead did not talk to him during dinner, but then, she did not speak at all. There was hardly room to get a word in edgewise as it was, with Sirius making boisterous conversation with the twins and frequently encouraging everyone to take extra helpings. Remus could tell that Sirius was still aching badly at the knowledge that Harry would return to Hogwarts the next morning, but he could see that Sirius was doing his level best not to let his impending loneliness bring down the mood. When everyone had eaten as much as they possibly could and Molly rose to start clearing the dishes away, Remus leaned over to Sirius.

"I'm very glad you came back, Padfoot," he muttered. "And Harry clearly is, too."

"Yeah, well, there was just no way I was gonna sit down to break bread with Snivellus here," Sirius said contemptibly. "But I guess there is a God, despite what Gryffindor over there thinks." He grinned over at Mairead, giving Remus as good an excuse as he felt likely to get to look over at her, too. But Mairead just smiled vaguely and quietly excused herself from the table, saying something about having work to do in her potions lab.

Remus felt a mad impulse to reach out and snag her wrist, to pull her back until she fell into his arms. Ignoring the thought, he turned back to Sirius and asked, "How did you know he left?"

Sirius's face lit up with spiteful satisfaction. "I heard someone stomping around and went out to tell them to quiet it down before they woke the portraits, but before I could get to them they ran into the bathroom and slammed the door. And then seconds later... well, not to get too graphic right after dinner, but they were clearly experiencing a great deal of... er... gastrointestinal distress." He leaned back in his chair, tipping it onto its back legs, a smirk playing around his lips. "I decided to wait around, just in case it was serious, when who should emerge, looking extremely green around the gills, but Snivellus himself?"

Remus's eyebrows shot up. That certainly explained the strange sounds and smells he had been detecting from Snape. But what could have happened to make him ill so suddenly?

"The one thing I regret is that I was so shocked I couldn't come up with anything really good to say," said Sirius wistfully. "I mean - obviously I asked him if he was sick because he'd caught sight of himself in the mirror, said that normally I'd tell him to light a match but was afraid the whole house would blow up if he did that now, said I'd always known he was a shitty person but I hadn't realized just how right I was - you know: the basics. But put on the spot like that, I couldn't produce anything I think was truly inspired, you know?"

Remus snorted. "I'd tread carefully if I were you, Pads," he said, smiling wryly. "It's entirely possible he got sick from something he ate here. We might all be heading in the same direction."

"Nah," said Sirius unconcernedly. "He left before dinner, didn't he? Whatever he ate he didn't eat it here."

"I suppose that's true," said Remus slowly, thinking this over. "All I saw him have was a glass of -" He clicked his tongue. "Of course," he breathed, a smile tugging at his mouth. "Excuse me, would you, Pads?" he said.

Remus made it all the way to the door of Mairead's potions lab and knocked before he remembered he was supposed to be leaving her alone. But he had already knocked and she had already called for him to come in and it would be inescapably rude for him just to turn around and leave, so Remus rapidly concocted an innocuous excuse to be here and opened the door.

Mairead was leaning over her workbench, looking at a potions book. An adorable little frown was on her perfect face, and her hair was tied up in the way Remus loved, showing her lovely neck and shoulders. Her eyes narrowed briefly at whatever it was she was perusing, and when she looked up to acknowledge his presence she did a double take, then quickly straightened.

"Oh, hi," she said breathlessly, her eyes wide at being caught off her guard.

"I'm very sorry to disturb you," said Remus, bowing his head regretfully. "Molly is collecting a head count for who would like tea and dessert, and she asked me to ask you."

"Oh, erm," Mairead laid a hand on her belly, as if feeling for fullness, then said, "No, thank you. I'm set."

Remus nodded and began to back out of the room. "Thanks, I'll tell her. I apologize again for bothering you."

"No, you aren't bothering me," Mairead said quickly, taking the tiniest of steps towards him.

Remus paused. His eyes searched hers. She was inviting him to stay. He was sure of it. But then her cheeks flushed and she looked down at the ground and Remus could not tell if she was just being shy or if she regretted what she had said. He decided to test the waters, just mildly.

"I've been meaning to thank you," he said quietly. "Sirius said the Murtlap Essence was from you."

Mairead looked up at him through her eyelashes. "I hope it helped," she said meekly.

"It did," he confirmed. "Very much. Thank you."

Mairead pulled her bottom lip into her mouth anxiously, then said, "Was it - I mean, did it do the trick? By the time I was able to get all the ingredients I needed I only had three days to stew it. I mean, it was safe, and everything, it's not like it would've, like, I dunno, poisoned you or turned your skin purple or anything, but three days is the minimum and it just - the finished product wasn't as dark as the examples I've seen and it just looked, erm, kind of, like, anemic? Maybe? It's just, Murtlap Essence gets stronger the longer you brew it and I just had the bare minimum of days so I imagine it wasn't the best but I'm already working on another batch - that's what I came up here to start - so it should definitely be in really good shape by next month, so if the other stuff didn't work that well you can just chuck it because you'll have other stuff to use by the next time you turn and -" She broke off and eyed him nervously.

Remus was fighting a losing battle not to smile at her. "It worked very well, thanks," he said.

"'Kay," Mairead whispered, twisting her fingers around themselves.

Remus could tell she was feeling self-conscious, so he cast his eyes around the room at large. "Looks like you've been busy," he commented, gesturing with a hand at the various stoppered bottles lining the shelves he and Sirius had put up over the summer.

"Yeah," she said, looking a little windswept. "Well, if there's one thing I learned from Mr. Weasley's accident, it's that there's no such thing as too much Blood-Replenishing Potion."

Remus smiled. Mairead cast him a sidelong glance again.

"You can come in," she said softly. "If you want to. You don't have to. But, like... I just mean... if you - erm -" she broke off and shook her head, her cheeks flushing again.

Remus took a moment to make sure the glorious, swooping feeling in his chest was not showing on his face, then shrugged out of the doorway and strolled into the room. "So you said you're working on another batch of Murtlap Essence?" he said, keeping his voice casual as he stepped closer to her. Mairead hummed and waved a hand at the mountain of what looked like sea anemones piled on one of her work surfaces. "That ought to make quite a bit," he commented, raising his eyebrows at the sheer quantity.

"Yeah, you'd think, but no," Mairead said, a bit of annoyance creeping into her tone as she, too, considered the heap on the table. "Murtlap tentacles are kind of funny. They shrink down to almost nothing when you cook them. They're almost like -"

"Spinach," Remus supplied, and Mairead smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to say," she said.

They shared a smile and it was all Remus could do not to reach out and stroke her hair. He cleared his throat and looked away. "What else have you been working on lately?" he asked.

"Oh, this and that," she said. Was it just him, or did she sound mildly disappointed?

He was left no time to ponder the question, however, as his eyes fell on a miniature bottle and he remembered why he had come up here.

"Is that a laxative potion?" he asked slyly, pointing.

Mairead glanced briefly at the potion he was pointing to. "Oh, yeah," she said. "Fred and George needed it over the summer. It seems they finally found a stopping factor for their Puking Pastilles, but it stopped, er, everything."

"I see," said Remus, nodding. "But why is it out on your worktable right now?"

Mairead shrugged nonchalantly. "They know it's in here," she said. "Maybe they're still working on the Skiving Snackboxes and needed more."

Remus's lips tugged downwards in an attempt not to smile. "Hmm," he hummed. "So this wouldn't have anything at all to do with the way Severus very suddenly became ill at dinner this evening? Right after drinking a glass of wine which you poured for him?"

"Oh, did he?" Mairead said, and it was all Remus could do not to burst out laughing. She was not at all a convincing liar. "What a shame," she said coolly. "The first time he ever joins us for dinner and he winds up getting sick."

Remus cocked an eyebrow. "So what you're saying is that you don't know anything at all about it?" he pushed.

"He didn't say anything to me about it at all," said Mairead, putting a hand on her hip and looking up at him. "But then, knowing Snape, if he had the runs, he'd probably be quite nonverbal about it."

---

Author's Note: What do you think? Do you forgive Sirius, or do you think Mairead let him off too easy? And has your opinion of Remus softened any now that you know some of the reasons he is so gun-shy when it comes to romance? And hmmm! How do you think Snape got sick? :-P Thank you for reading!