Susie once again stormed in the house, covered in mud, grass stains, sticks and twigs, not giving her surprised parents time to react.
"That stupid Calvin and his pranks! I'm so tired of him always doing this stuff to me, when all I'm trying to do is be his friend!"
Her startled parents watched her march up the steps as she continued to rant about the situation.
"Honey... this is getting old," her dad said.
Her mom could only sigh.
"I'm serious. I'm tired of this."
"You know how kids are... it's just--"
"No. There's nothing normal about this, and you know it. That kid has real problems and it's time to nip it in the bud."
"These things take time, George... you know that."
"How much time? How long are we going to suffer through this? Middle school? High school? This isn't healthy, Helen, do you think it is‽"
She paused to think, searched the kitchen as if the answer was in there somewhere. "You're right... it's not healthy. It's just so much."
"I love the both of you and I want us to be happy. Don't you love us, do you want out beautiful and smart daughter to keep suffering like this? This is an ultimatum, I hope you know."
"Please no, George! Okay! You're right, I was just hoping this all would pass!" Her mood changed as she realized what was at stake. "We're good parents and we do our best. For her sake, her mental health and mine." She looked towards upstairs. "For the family."
He embraced her. "I'm not trying to be the bad guy here. I need to make the phone call."
He went to walk away and she stopped him.
"G-George..." She kisses his lips. "United front."
"United front."
-
That morning Susie was waiting at the bus stop.
"You're almost late again, Calvin."
"Pfft. Schools boring anyway. I'd rather sit at home all day and watch cartoons with Hobbes. What do I need school for? We could just be a Nielson family and watch TV all day! That pays well, doesn't it?"
"How many people do you know do it?"
"You think I'm trying to know people‽"
Susie rolled her eyes. "My parents said they were taking me to the doctors tomorrow."
"But we have a test tomorrow."
"I know. So I won't be there for you to cheat off of me."
"Rats."
"Oh no... the tragedy. Maybe if you did your work and studied, it wouldn't be so bad," she said sarcastically.
"I hope you're getting a brain transplant, so you can have some common sense."
"There's no such thing, Calvin."
"Then maybe they're using you as patient zero to make a serum to cure cooties."
"Cooties aren't real either."
"Hobbes says they are. Why would I believe you over a tiger?"
Susie was thankful for the busses arrival, she couldn't understand how a kid so smart could be so stupid. That day was no different than the others, and as crazy and spontaneous as Calvin could be, to her it was almost routine.
"Hey, Sooze." He sat next to her at lunch.
She sighed. "Why do you always sit here if you don't like me?"
"You're annoying, but you're less annoying than the rest of these creeps and dullards."
"Dullards," she repeated. "Aren't your grades lower than Mo's"
Ignoring the question, he looked in his lunch. "Mom overcooked the Ibex liver again... it's all rubbery. Hey, I'll trade you these jellied eyeballs for your cookie."
"That's gross Calvin! And that's not jellied eyeballs, it's Jell-O with grapes in it."
"Suit yourself." He started eating.
She did her best to ignore his mouth filled ramblings and enjoy her lunch. He continued to be a nuisance in class, to the point she was eager to have a day away from him, or at least a good amount of it. It would be a nice reprieve from the blond terrorist. The next day was the reprieve she wanted, she walked out of the house for fresh air and saw Calvin outside.
"What are you doing home this early‽"
"Huh? Oh, I got sent home for setting off a stink bomb in the girls bathroom. How was the brain transplant?"
She didn't have the energy and just looked at him.
"Are you okay?" He walked up to her.
"I'm... fine. I just don't want to talk about that."
"So it was a failure?"
"Yeah, Calvin, it was a failure. I'm still cursed to be girl brained."
He blew air from his inflated cheeks. "That's a shame."
"I'll be okay, it's not a bad thing."
"Says you, Sooze!"
She scoffed. "Your moms got a girl brain, too!"
"Don't remind me." He frowned.
"Girl brains are important. Do you think your mom would do mom stuff without one?"
He thought with his palm to his chin. "You win this one, Susie Derkins."
"Duh! Because girl brains are smarter than boy brains," she teased.
"No they aren't!"
"They are. That's why I always win."
"Yeah, well... wait until I finish the transmogrifier! I'm going to turn into a tiger and eat you!"
"You know; my parents were really mad at that last prank you did to me."
"Yeah, I got ear full."
"Calvin! What are you doing‽ Get your butt back in here, and finish cleaning the garage," his mom yelled at him.
"I'm on a union break!"
"You're grounded, there are no breaks! Don't make me come out there!"
"Fine!"
She watched Calvin trudge back to the house. She knew he wouldn't be grounded for long, he never was, no matter what he did. She was left to play with herself, not that she was really complaining about it. After a while she went inside to do make up work.
"Calvin got sent home early for letting off a stink bomb in the girls bathroom. Boy am I happy I wasn't in school today. How does he even get the stuff to make those things‽"
Her parents exchange glances.
"I'm going to do my school work."
"Okay Susie, dinner will be ready in a while," her mom said.
Her dad sighed.
"Dear... it'll be fine. Everything's taken care off, it just takes time."
He gave a solemn nod.
--
Three days had passed and Calvin was of course off his punishment. She didn't know how he did it, nor did she want to put herself in a situation to try it.
"Hobbes! What are you doing‽"
"We're having a tea party."
"Hobbes why are you cavorting with the enemy‽"
"I invited him and he was happy to."
"Liar! I know you kidnapped him against his will. C'mon Hobbes."
"You could join us."
Calvin guffawed and grabbed the tiger.
"Don't give me that! We have more important things to do with our time than hang out with girls... she's not cute!"
She heard his one sided argument as we walked away.
"That boy is so weird, mister Bun."
After her tea party, she was jump roping, with a small stereo playing her favorite station. She thought she heard Calvin creeping around, she turned to talk to him.
"Spaceman Spiffs been spotted by the hideous blob of Anhooi-4 and it's readying to strike with its tentacle! Set Zorcher to liquefy!"
"Calvin," she cried out as her face with sprayed with his water pistol. "What's wrong with you‽"
"Zounds! It had no effect! This creature must be more Resilient that I thought. I need to retreat," he monologed as he ran away.
"I'm going to get you, Calvin!"
Susie found a bucket and filled it with the water spigot. She hid her trap and waited until Hobbes was left undefended, grabbed him and sat him near her waiting spot. Eventually she heard him calling for Hobbes, with an evil grin, waited for the signal.
"There you are! Why are just hanging around there?" He walked up to get him.
That's when Susie pounced and dumped the bucket over him with manic laughter.
Calvin yelled.
"I told you I would get you back!"
"That's not fair!"
"It's not fair when you torture me almost every day either!"
"That's different!"
"No it isn't!"
"You got Hobbes wet!"
"You'd call that a sacrifice of war." She stuck her tongue out at him.
Calvin was fuming.
"You're just mad I bested you at your own game," she said proudly.
"I don't why I even deal with you," he huffed.
"You‽ All I ever do is try to be your friend! Why are you so mean to me? Why can't you be my friend, or let me join in?"
He stood there dumbfounded.
"Well‽"
"Because you're a gross girl!"
She held the bridge of her nose. "If you're not going to be my friend, then leave me alone, forever. If the shoe was on the other foot, you would be really angry, like when Mo pummels you. You're a selfish, arrogant jerk." She walked away from him.
She walked in the house to change clothes.
"Don't worry... I got him back. No need to tell his parents."
--
It was Saturday and she didn't see much of Calvin, he would be outside with Hobbes, but didn't bother her much. She would see him doing his explorations in the woods. She went in the house for a snack and saw her parents talking to Rosalyn.
"Hey Roz."
"Hey Susie."
"Watching Calvin tonight?"
She quickly responded, "sure, kiddo."
"Did you need something dear," her mom asked.
"I just wanted a snack, is all."
"Well go play, I'll get something for you."
"Okay."
Rosalyn looked at her parents.
"Just remember what we said," her dad spoke.
"You can count on me, mister Derkins."
Susie went to the living room to watch television and waited for her mom to bring her the food. She could slightly hear them talking and started feeling weird. When she finished, she went back outside for fresh air and saw Calvin going in the house and rolled her eyes at him.
She found it odd the next week that he hadn't bothered her much. He otherwise hadn't changed much. She liked the fact that she didn't need to be on edge that she would be subjected to one of his wild pranks, but she did feel a bit lonelier, felt a bit off.
She saw him playing outside with Hobbes and walked up to him.
"Hi Calvin."
"What do you want?"
"Just wondering what you were doing."
"Solving a crime."
"Can I play?"
He looked her up and down. "I'm leaving you alone, like you wanted."
"That's not--"
"Save it. Besides... Tracer Bullet trust no dames."
"Calvin," his dad yelled.
"Drat, one of the goons found us. You blew my cover, Susie."
She sighed as he ran towards the woods with his dad in hot pursuit. She went back in the house, her parents were worried but she didn't talk to them much anymore. The next day at school, she sat with Calvin at lunch.
"What did your mom make for lunch today?"
"Just a tuna fish sandwich, bag of chips, and a juice."
"No isotope soda, or... or... deep fried whale blubber with umm... sautéed grubs?"
He looked at her like she grew another head.
"What? No. It's just regular food."
"Oh."
They both ate in silence for a while.
"Hey," she piped up.
"Yeah?"
"I was thinking of making a comic book. You're a good artist and I wondered if you wanted to help?"
He thought about it. "Sure."
"Great!"
"I'll come by after school and we can brainstorm."
"Okay."
After school she saw him outside and he said it slipped his mind, but he would be over after dinner. She waited and he never came. She was disappointed. She was going to confront him at the bus stop, but didn't see him, he wasn't even at school. She decided to go over there.
"Hello Susie," his mom greeted.
"I was wondering where Calvin was? He said he was going to help me with a comic book."
"I think he did say something about that. I'm sorry Susie, he had got sick last night. He should be out in the woods somewhere."
"Thank you."
Susie went into the woods and walked all around there, even called his name, she couldn't find him anywhere. She felt defeated and sat on her back porch.
"Susie." Calvin appeared as it started getting late.
She looked up at him.
"Are you okay, Sooze?"
"Do you really hate me?"
He looked confused as she started to cry.
"I just really wanted to be your friend and you terrorize me. Why? We're the only kids around here for almost ten blocks. I'm getting lonely... I know you don't care about being alone. Why can't you be kind to me? I'll... I'll even deal with your pranks if you can just be a little kinder to me. I want to laugh with you, not be laughed at. I want good memories, not arguments and fights. Please Calvin... I'm begging."
He rested a hand on her shoulder. "Okay. I'll see what I can do."
"That's all I ask for." She sniffed. "I know Hobbes is your best friend, but... in some insane fashion; you're the closest to that, that I have. For some reason the other kids don't like me either."
"Hmm... I think I noticed that," he said thoughtfully. "I gotta go, but I'll see you tomorrow, Susie."
"Okay."
She watched him go inside before she did the same. In the morning she didn't see him at the bus stop, but as she got on, she saw him running up not too far behind her.
"Whew. Almost missed the bus," he said as he sat in an empty seat ahead of hers.
She didn't see him much, other than in the halls, at lunch she sat next to him.
"Hiya Sooze."
"Where have you been?"
He scowled. "They put me in remedial classes because they think I'm stupid."
"Oh. But you're not. You just need to apply yourself."
He grumbled something.
"I... I'm sorry. I'm not trying to jump on your case."
He nodded.
"It's a free ride."
"Excuse me?" He looked up at her.
"I mean... the work should be easy, right? If you play your cards right, it could be a cake walk."
Yeah! You're right! I can't believe you of all people are playing devils advocate on my slacking off."
"What are friends for?"
He gave her that big goofy grin, she secretly loved, but would never tell him.
After school, they talked a little about that comic idea, then parted ways for dinner. The next day she didn't see him at all. What little joy she had was quickly fading, her parents noticed.
"I thought she was starting to do okay," her mom said.
"She's going to have ups and downs until things even out and she gets used to the change. Stay strong. It's the right thing to do."
"Unified front," she said with a sigh.
He nodded. "We'll have things back to normal soon enough."
--
She didn't see him the past few days and started getting worried.
"Excuse me, miss Wormwood?" Susie confronted her after class.
"Yes, Susie?"
"I was wondering if Calvin got expelled?"
Kathy knew all about the situation and she couldn't think of a clear answer and she didn't want to cause the girl any more unrest. Susie tried to discern the look on her teachers face.
"Well... no... not that I'm aware of. He could possibly be sick, or on a family vacation."
"You don't know?"
"I... might have had a notice around here that I misplaced. I'm sure Calvin is fine. You know how he is."
"Right. Thank you, miss Wormwood."
"Is there anything else I can help you with?"
"No ma'am... that's all. Thank you."
"You're welcome Susie," she gave a warm smile.
That evening she couldn't get him out of her mind and something didn't feel right. She thought something was being kept from her. She knew his parents would be stopping by because they were going out, so she was sure to get answers. She waited outside knowing that he would show up eventually, especially to set something up to prank Rosalyn, or simply escape.
"Hey! Sooze!"
She looked up. There he was. He looked like he was enacting a plan of some sort.
"C'mon," he whisper shouted.
With a smile she got up and ran after him, he ran to the woods before she caught up completely.
"Calvin! Wait up!"
"Shhh... over here." She heard but didn't see.
She followed where his voice came from and didn't find him. She was getting worried he might be setting her up for a prank and readied herself until she saw him from the corner of her eye, turned and thought she saw him double back.
"I did say he could prank me," she muttered and chased him.
She saw glimpses, but enough to see he ran back to the house. She ran up to it and thought she saw him in the window, the backdoor was cracked open.
"Calvin, what kinda pra--," she stopped herself mid sentence when she saw the sight.
She looked around and saw the home empty. Not much remained but indents where furniture once sat, bits of dirt lines where they swept, she tried the lights and they didn't work.
"Calvin? I... I know I said I didn't mind if you pranked me... but this is crazy! Calvin‽"
She walked around and barely found remnants that they even lived there. She quickly went back home. She rushed in the backdoor startling them.
"Why didn't you tell me you moved away‽ Why didn't you let me say goodbye," she demanded.
Calvin's parents were startled at her outburst.
"I know he's been a jerk, but we were going to get past that... we talked it over; Is that why he hadn't been at school much‽"
They looked at her parents.
"What do we do," Rosalyn looked at them.
"It's time for the truth," her father said.
"Yes... it's only going to get worse," Jim added.
"What is? What happened to Calvin,‽"
"Susie, honey... Calvin isn't real," her mom said.
"Huh‽ His parents are right there!"
"No... no they aren't," George said.
"Yes they are! You! You babysit him!"
"I'm sorry Susie, but I don't."
"We don't have a kid named Calvin, Susie. We're Mo's parents," Rebecca explained.
"You... you're Calvin's," she said growing more confused.
"We told you, honey, he's imaginary, he's not real," her mom said.
"We're sorry to tell you this way, but it's the truth," Jim said.
--
Susie went upstairs to change clothes and ran a bath. She heard her parents walking upstairs sounding mad, and stopped what she was doing.
"Please don't be too hard on her, George."
"I'm going to try my best, but I can't deal with it anymore. I just can't."
She stood in the middle of her room as they walked in.
"Susie, we need to talk," her dad said.
"Okay. Is it about what Calvin did?"
"What Calvin did." He pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Calm down, this is a delicate situation."
"What's going on," she asked, confused.
"What's going on is this has gone on long enough, and it's crazy that you keep doing these things to yourself," he spat.
"But I..."
"What your dad means is; you're going a bit too far with these imaginary friends. It's perfectly healthy for a kid your age, especially when you don't have any friends," her mom tried to explain.
"I don't understand."
"Stop. You need to stop doing these things to yourself! Blaming it on imaginary friends!"
"Calvin did this!"
"Calvin's not real, Susie! Wake up!"
"George," her mom snapped. "You have to understand that there is no Calvin."
She looked surprised. "What? Of course there is, why are you saying these things?"
"Because it's the damn truth!"
"George! Relax!"
"Do you hear her‽ She's crazy!"
"Me‽ You're the crazy ones, trying to tell me all these years our neighbors not real."
"Helen. Helen. I told you; I won't put up with this anymore, either she gets straightened up, or else. Susie, Calvin isn't real, he's not, he didn't do that, you did."
"Mom, why are you saying these things?"
"It's the truth, he's... fake, in your head."
"But... but... he's--"
"Enough of this foolishness. this is more than just some imaginary friend. You're seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow to put these delusions to rest," he dad demanded.
She ran upset to the bathroom and locked herself in. Helen just looked at her husband.
"I know, I know, I was supposed to be calm, I'm sorry. But aren't you sick of this?"
"I am. Force isn't going to help."
"I know. I lost it... I shouldn't have. I'm sorry, honey."
The next day she wish she could've went to school, she didn't understand why they were so adamant on Calvin not being real, there he was, right there, walking to the bus stop. This all made no sense to her, she had never seen her dad so mad before, despite everything Calvin did. It wasn't too much longer before she was whisked away to the psychiatrist. She was happy her dad wasn't as angry as last night, but he seemed on edge. She thought it was best to keep quiet. At the office she listened to her parents explain everything and she had a chance to tell her side of the story. She was upset that nobody believed her. The doctor came to the conclusion that she was schizophrenic with a dissociative personality disorder and wrote her two scripts.
"I'm not crazy, I don't need medicine," Susie said in the backseat.
"You do. We just want you to be okay... be well," her dad calmly spoke.
"But I am okay."
"No sweetie, you're not. I know you don't understand, but we're trying to help you. Everything will be okay," her mom said.
After picking up the prescriptions, back at home, her dad opened the bottles while her mom poured her a cup of tea.
"Okay, so we start this now, if it works and you stick to it, the dosages will be lowered."
"I don't want them."
"You need them," her dad corrected.
"Even if Calvin isn't really real, he's the closest thing I have to a friend."
"But he's not, he's not real," her mom explained.
"The reason you don't have friends, is because of all your antics you blame on Calvin. That's you doing all that. At first we thought it was a cry for help. But you're always talking to yourself and being anti-social, being sent home from school. It's you, Susie, not some Calvin or Hobbes," her dad explained.
"So I'm crazy? I'm a freak? You want me to be some zombie? I'm not taking these stupid pills!" She took the bottles, dumped them in the trash, and ran outside. George was about to lose it, Helen stopped him.
"It's fine! Look, a fresh bag. We'll just put the pills in her food, she's supposed to have them with a meal anyway, twice a day. She gets three meals, so it's easy and she won't know. She's too upset to know what she's doing."
He walked to the window to watch her, while Helen dug all the pills out of the trash bag.
"I'll help you, Helen."
--
"You made yourself think we were Calvin's parents, but look, why would we lie," Jim explained and showed her a picture of him, Mo, and Rebecca in front of a house clearly not next door.
"That doesn't make sense," her voice quivered.
"It's true. Your meds should be working by now, it's time to face the truth. We care about you just like your parents, and I'm sure Rosalyn feels the same way," Rebecca consoled.
"It just doesn't feel right."
She paced around confused and saw Hobbes outside.
"Look! There's Hobbes! Do you see him‽"
"Yeah, I saw him earlier," Rosalyn answered.
"That proves it!"
"Proves what," her dad asked.
"That he's real! Clearly he somehow left Hobbes when they moved and they came back to get him. This is just some sick prank! Stop it, you're as bad as he is!"
"Honey... of course Hobbes is real," her mom stated.
"We bought him for you," Jim added.
Helen grabbed a picture frame and shown Susie. "See? Here you are with mister Bun and Hobbes. On your birthday when you got him."
She started to break down.
"How? How‽ He's... Calvin's. Th-that should've been solid proof!"
"Kiddo... I'm so sorry kiddo. I wish he was real, too. Outside of being a little twerp, he sounds like he'd be a cool kid," Rosalyn said.
"He is real, he is cool! He's smart and into philosophy, he has these cool aliases, like; Tracer Bullet, Stupendous Man, Spaceman Spiff. How is all of that fake‽ I don't have that kind of imagination. He even claims Hobbes is alive! He's just a stuffed tiger!"
"I made that superhero cape and cowl for you," Rosalyn said.
"We promise you, all those things, the cloning slash transforming box... all those things were your doing. Everything's going to be okay," her dad explained.
"No, no, no! None of this is real! Calvin's real!" She started hyperventilating. "I grew up with him. I don't care if he's an annoying jerk, don't take him away from me!"
She ran out the back door.
Rosalyn was quick to chase with the men followed by the women. Susie grabbed Hobbes and ran towards that house, she ran inside and what looked like it had just been moved out of, was more abandoned than she thought. She fought her own head. Her feet were clomping on carpetless floors, there were no appliances, the street lights revealed graffiti, busted drywall. They heard her feet in the house and rushed towards it.
"Everybody split up," George said.
"Hold it," Jim whispered.
"Upstairs," Rosalyn whispered.
They walked up there and heard her crying, using their phone lights to see. They found her in the small bedroom.
"This... this is supposed to be his bedroom. I've... I've even seen him up here dancing, he's thrown water balloons at me fr-from that window," she cried.
"I know it seems that way," her dad started.
"Susie, it'll be okay, baby," her mom said.
"This is just a speed bump, Sooze. You know I'm here if you need me," Rosalyn said.
"C-Cal... Calvin called me that."
"We all care about you... we're all here for you," Jim said.
"But you're taking him from me. Don't take my best friend away from me! I... I miss him! I miss him so much!"
"It's all going to be okay," her mom said.
She stood and looked out the window, reality started crashing in on her, truth rewrote her memories.
"I want... Calvin... back. I need... need to find him." She clutched Hobbes. "C'mon.. 'ol buddy... we'll find him."
Before they could react, she quickly scrambled to the open, screenless window.
"Let's go exploring."