When you returned to the hotel, you found yourself motivated once again. Rosie's words were not what you had wanted to hear but, they had been what you needed to hear. You made your way up to Alastor's room to which he had now awoken and was sipping on a piping hot cup of coffee. "Mon chéri, you were missed at breakfast. I hope you're not still planning on slacking off around here." He chuckled. "Alastor, I need to talk to you. I need you to let me say my piece, with no interruptions, no butting in. I want you to listen to what I have to say to you and really listen to it. Can you do that?" The look he gave you made you feel like he was going to give you a hard time with this. "Oh so full of life and vigor this morning! I do love to see that. But would I ever interrupt you, hmmm?" He tried to feign innocence but you shot him a glare. "Oh, you are serious about this one, aren't you? Do go on my darling."
You took a deep breath ready to speak but then only stood in silence for several moments. "You're doing a great job over there. Oops! I do hope that wasn't me interrupting you now?" He taunted. You had planned out what you were going to say on the walk back from Cannibal Town but now it felt like your mind was drawing blanks until the words just began to flow out of you.
"The practice of love offers no safety. It is not what makes us vulnerable but it is what makes us strong. When we love someone, we risk loss, pain, hurt, and the possibility of heartbreak. But love gives us the strength to take those things head on and say 'So fucking what'. Love is not seeing a person and thinking they are perfect, it is seeing that they are flawed and loving them anyway. I've been in your head and I know you think love makes a person weak but love requires discipline and patience much like you've been trying to train me in order to hone in my powers. You see love as being something fragile, something that can be broken so easily when you let your walls down and when you let someone see the true you. But I will tell you now, my love is anything but fragile. My love is fierce and I do not offer it with expectations of getting something in return. I offer it only with what I expect to give...which is everything. I love you not only for who you are but for who I am when I'm around you."
You took several more deep breaths, feeling as though you were back in school having to give a presentation. Alastor slowly claps his hands. "Well my dear, that was quite the rousing speech. I'm sure Charlie would have loved to have heard that one. But you are wrong, you talk about love as though it is some selfless act. Something you offer without wants or needs of your own. It is not. It is like everything in life it is merely something transactional. You speak as though you offer me your heart and soul with no expectations but mon chéri, I have said I believe in honesty among friends so why would you lie to me?" You weren't sure what you expected his response to be but it certainly wasn't that. "I'm not lying to you!" You protest. "Actions speak louder than words deary. If you are so absolute in your resolve. Then give me your soul, don't just preach about it." He challenged in return as he extended his hand to you, a soft green glow emanating from it. "Charlie said you're not allowed to offer me deals." You stutter out. "And it's not a deal, remember you are wanting nothing in return from me. Unless your little speech was just words?"
You raise your hand and gingerly extend it to him but don't take his yet. Did you really want to do this? You had learned the weight of a soul in this world and what it meant to hand one over, it was a life sentence. Your body was shaking, your legs felt weak under you, and each breath seemed to catch in your throat. "Oh, how you disappoint me." Alastor's words cut through you as he spoke them. "I'm not saying no. I'm saying I want some time to think about it. Don't think I don't know what you're trying to do here and honestly, it's manipulative." You managed to get the words out clearly despite how much you were shaking and how you'd expected your voice to tremble. Alastor withdrew his hand from you. "Well, I look forward to hearing your decision mon chéri. Do take your time with it but I will eagerly be awaiting you to prove me right about your notions of love." You knew he was just trying to goad you into making a rash choice but you weren't going to allow him to get a rise from you.
You headed to the bar. "I'm gonna need the whole bottle husk." He didn't even look disappointed in you anymore as he handed you one over. "How is it that every time I see you, you've made even worse choices?" He scolded you but you already knew what a mess of things you'd made and didn't need him to tell you so. You popped the cork out and took a long glug, it still burnt on the way down but at least you didn't cough and splutter anymore when you drank it. "I haven't made a choice yet but I know I'm gonna make the wrong one." You sigh out. "Well let me hear it so I can give you some advice for you to ignore." Husk's cynicism did bring a smile to your face. "Well shall I not waste your time and you just tell me it's a mistake now?" You half-laugh out. "It's a mistake kid." He replies bluntly but you can see the corners of his mouth curl up slightly into a smile. "Well, good talk Husk." You now break into a full laugh. "No, seriously, what are you planning though? Depending on how stupid you're about to be, I might need to do a bigger order of booze."
"Well, I confessed to Alastor that I am indeed in love with him, hopelessly so. I gave him a big speech about how deep that was and now he wants my soul in return for nothing because he wants to prove me wrong in my ideas that love is unconditional. I know he's just doing it to be a manipulative bastard but it does have me questioning if my beliefs on love are wrong because I do want him to love me back, I would give him my soul if I knew my feelings weren't one-sided but when he asked me to hand it over with expectations of nothing in return. I hesitated." You take another swig from the bottle. "I told you, that man doesn't know how to love and you're a sweet kid. I'm sure even in this hell you could find someone who is gonna give you what you need." He pauses for a moment. "But you're not gonna find what you want because if Alastor is what you want then not a lot is gonna change that. I ain't gonna tell you not to love him because that's a lost cause. But at some point, he will push your love to its limits, and the last thing you want at that moment is to be tied to him with your soul." You didn't expect such a heartfelt reply from Husk. Maybe there was an old romantic under that gruff exterior.
"You're probably right Husk." Husk had to do a double-take when you said that, he probably didn't expect you to agree with him. "But." You begin to continue. "And there it is, thought you were just about to listen to me for once." He interrupts. "But, it's not even just about love at this point. I want to prove that his notions are incorrect. Hell, maybe I'm here for my pride because I want nothing more than to shove it in his face that he's wrong!" You boast. "And that's what he's betting on. Take it from an old gambler, there are a couple of ways to ensure you get an easy win. You can build a person up, and fold a few hands so they think they're on a winning streak. They'll become careless, and bet more than they should on each hand because they think they can't be stopped. That's what he's been doing with you. All this cuddling up with sweet words. He's making you feel like you're winning, that you're getting to him. But trust me, it's an act."
"And the other way?" You inquire. "Poke someone's pride. That's what he's doing now. He's pushing you to make reckless choices. Making you feel like your hand isn't as good as his and in return, if you make this deal, you're showing your hand to him to prove him wrong. But kid, that guy doesn't play fair, and no matter how good your hand is, his will always be better." Trust Husk to make a gambling analogy but it did make sense. "So how do I win this game then?" You could hear the desperation in your own voice. "You don't, you don't win with Alastor. The only thing you can do now is take your losses and find a different table to play at." You knew Husk was being truthful, even somewhat empathetic to your situation but you didn't want to admit defeat. You took the bottle and thanked Husk for his advice.
"Oh, Angel!" Your voice rang out. "You up for some girl talk?" You said whilst walking into his room. He was forever just walking into yours so you saw no harm in doing the same. "CLOSE THE DOOR!" Angel yelled out and you quickly did so just before a small pink shape could escape the room. You look down to see a little pig with pink and black spots and a couple of tiny black horns on its head. "Fat nuggets!" Angel scorned the pig as he picked it up in his arms, holding it close to the fluff on his chest. "I didn't know you had a pet, Angel?" Angel beamed like a proud parent. "He's a little cutie ain't he?" Not so much a question but more a declaration of the fact. You nodded in response. "Why do you keep him cooped up in your room?" You asked, extending a hand to pet the little thing. "Alastor said if he messes in the halls again then he's gonna make bacon out of him." Somehow you could perfectly envision that conversation going down.
"So what's this girl talk then, dollface? Let me guess, tall, dark, and creepy?" He asks but still sounding as though he already knows the answer. "If it makes it any easier, I brought booze but yeah...Tall, dark, and creepy again." Angel rolls his eyes and gestures for you to make yourself comfortable. You take a seat on his bed as he sits at the stool to his vanity table, now cradling fat nuggets on its back as with his other set of arms he tickles its tummy. "Well I already spoke with Husk about it but to try and cut a long story short, I finally told Alastor how I felt about him. Gave this long-winded speech about love being this selfless act of giving mind, body, and soul to a person. Of course, he then played on my words and asked me to prove it by giving him my soul." Angel stopped you there. "Hold up, he's not allowed to be offering you any deals." Angel blurted out. "And that's the worst part. I said love is something you give with no expectations in return. He's not offering me anything in return. He just wants me to give my soul up willingly, no deals, no promises. Just me handing it over."
"Hold up toots. You're not actually that stupid right." He extends an arm and taps his knuckles lightly on your head. "I know that this noggin has been fried and bashed around a bunch but do you have some kinda brain damage going on because who in their right fucking mind, would even be considering this!?" Angel yelled out, causing fat nuggets who had been pretty relaxed in his arms, to jump up. "I don't know yet, everyone is telling me not to and I genuinely thought if I spoke to you guys about it and when you all inevitably tell me not to do it. That would be enough but I'm finding the more people are telling me not to...the more I want to. I wanted to do it to prove him wrong but now I'm wanting to prove everyone wrong. I want to show there is a softer side to him." Angel rolls his eyes at you and crosses his arms. "Listen toots, the only soft part of that guy is what he keeps in his pants." You couldn't help but laugh out loud when he said that. "Well I proved you wrong on that part already, didn't I?" You chime out.
Angel walks over and grabs your face in one hand, pushing your cheeks and mouth into a pout. "He only did that to gain something. You wanna go on thinking this is some Romeo and Juliet kinda love story? Oh everyone is telling us it's forbidden, we shouldn't do this? But you get to the end. When Romeo thinks Juliet has drunk the poison...he's not gonna drink it too. He will walk away from you and find a new plaything and you're gonna be dead." Angel's choice of analogy was slightly less fitting than Husk's had been and you felt perhaps he had not fully read the book but it still got across his point. You pull your head back and he lets go of your cheeks. "You made a deal once, sold your soul and you don't seem happy with what you got out of it. At least with this deal, I know I'm not getting anything out of it." You can see the pain your words had caused Angel. "Yeah, well I didn't know any better when I made mine. I thought I was in love, I thought it was a good deal. But you, you're so stupid you know you're getting the shit end of the stick and still wanna go through with it?"
You and Angel spoke for a while longer, mostly him telling you that you were an idiot, something which you had accepted. When you left you went down to the library and picked up as many books as you could on the intricacies of selling a soul. However, every book you found only had details on making deals in exchange for a soul. Nothing about willingly giving one up. The silence of the library was broken by the sounds of a piano being played from a few rooms down. À la claire fontaine. You placed your book down on the table and made your way to the piano room. To no surprise, Alastor was sat on the stool, hands dancing over the keys as the notes played out and filled the air. You thought about the lyrics to the song 'I've loved you for so long, I will never forget you'. Something you knew was intentional on his end, more tricks and manipulation. But the lyrics were fitting. You had indeed loved him for so long and even when you did forget him, when you had forgotten everything, your love for him still bloomed.
"I'm ready." You say as the song comes to an end. Alastor looks over his shoulder as though he has not noticed you coming into the room. "I assume you have spoken to Husk and Angel then? Realized your statement earlier was incorrect?" He said it so smugly. "No, I am here to offer you my soul like you requested." When you said this you could see his ears flicker before pricking up. You extended your hand to him. "My soul is yours...for as long as I permit. This is not a lifelong sentence and I can reclaim it at any time that takes my fancy. Just like love, it is not promised to you forever." Alastor looks at you and then at your extended hand. "I see you have indeed taken your time to think about this. However, what you offer is not owning your soul...more like loaning it." He still does not extend his hand to yours, you'd expected him to take it without hesitation. "I have thought about it. Probably more than I have thought about anything in my life or death. And I will admit you were right, partially so." You meekly admit. "But maybe not in the way you thought. Love is given without expectation of something in return but if not treated with care, if not nourished. It will wilt, it will cease to exist. So whilst I give you my love and want nothing in return. Should it be neglected I can not promise you will hold it forever. Much like I am offering you my soul now, wanting nothing in return for it. I can not promise it will always be yours."
"Hmm, you're smarter than I sometimes give you credit for." He extends his hand to you, wrapping his fingers around your hand. As he does, a green light floods the room, shadows dance along the wall, and glowing runes float around the two of you. Alastor's eyes become blackened and his torso grows into its more monstrous form as his antlers and limbs extend. The smile he wears stretches and in the corners of it, you spot a couple of stitches, almost seeming as though they were holding his smile up. He releases your hand and it drops to your side as he once returns to his normal self. "So... that's it then?" You stutter out. "That it is mon chéri, your soul is mine until you see fit to withdraw it." You had expected something more from handing your soul over. You expected to feel hollow, empty, a shell of yourself but instead it felt like nothing had changed. "Now for my first ask of you my dear." Alastor purred out causing your heart to sink. "Already?" You choke out. "Do not worry darling, I just want you to sing for me. I do miss your singing." Alastor started playing again and you obliged to his request and sang alongside him.
A/N as if we've got to chapter 20. This is by far the longest fic I've ever written and I've loved every moment of it. The story has changed so much from what I first had planned and I may still take some of those ideas for another fic at some point. But just wanted to thank everyone who has read up to this point and especially those who have left kind reviews and shared their enthusiasm for this story.