The Masks We Wear

by spacegirl21

People think because Sierra Nightingale has a rich father and drives around in a top of the range car, it means she must have it all. But they don't see the bruises, absent parents and how she babysits local D&D loving kids for grocery money. However, one night babysitting Will Byers and meeting a new guy from California at school will change everything she knows. Billy & OC PoVs.

45. Lilac and Peach

I remember the first book I picked up when Mom left.

Past the glass window were the tendrils of smoke rising from the blackened memories Dad had thrown into a ferocious fire in a drunken rage. Almost tentatively, I moved as quiet as a mouse, terrified to be caught remembering. He didn't want to remember. He wanted no evidence of her existence. And yet, he kept her books. They were perfectly preserved from the destruction still burning outside. As I ran my fingers across the weathered binds, feeling the silk and rough, I felt like I was touching something sacred. Survivors of his ultimate wrath.

The first book I picked up was a dictionary.

I wanted to know.

I wanted to know what it was I was feeling.

Sadness; the condition or quality of feeling sad.

Heartache; emotional anguish or grief, typically caused by the loss or absence of someone.

Confusion; the state of being bewildered or unclear in one's mind about something.

I soaked in each page in an attempt to pin a word down. Each word and definition branded themselves on my brain until I started making up my definitions.

Sadness; I want Mom back.

Heartache; I've lost her.

Confusion; Fuck Mom. I love Mom. Why, after everything, why?

I remembered Communion—the sharing of intimate thoughts. I had multiple definitions for Communion.

A place to fall in love.

A place to discover yourself.

A place to feel like the world is your oyster.

All of these things ran through my head as we started making our way towards the forest. But the moment Hagan's voice sounded from the porch, I found my feet continuing forward. Hargrove, on the other hand, stopped and glared back. Hagan had declared a challenge, something Billy could never refuse - a beer keg standoff with Austin. For a hopeless few seconds, I envisioned Billy clicking his tongue in disdain, turning on his heel and we'd just go on our merry way. We nearly did, until Austin emerged from behind Hagan with a smug air choking everyone around him.

"Come on, Hargrove, just one keg" Austin said provokingly, an arrogant smirk crawling on his lips.

To my surprise, Billy was turning around to join me. My jaw was clenched, eyes blazing, but seeing Billy ignore these taunts made me feel more at ease. We weren't going to listen to the likes of a guy like him. We didn't need to prove ourselves by biting back. "Come on, Princess"

"Just what I thought" Austin sighed. Our backs were turned. We were walking away. We were absolutely, fucking done here. "I'm disappointed, Hargrove. I thought you were gonna show our Princess you at least had some bite to that famous bark. She won't like that!" Austin paused, inspecting Billy's every move. He'd stopped in his tracks. His hand was clenching mine, shaking. I tried to keep moving with him, but it was like pulling on the lead of a stubborn dog. Hargrove was not fucking moving. I opened my mouth to at least say something, anything, to remind him he had nothing to prove. I knew he was enough. Inside, I was begging for Billy to know it too. "Believe me, I should know. I fucked her too"

With one swift movement before the words could even compose themselves, Billy had let go of my hand and spun around to face Austin. He wasn't going near him. No, I could see it in his eyes that he was seriously restraining himself from squaring up to the guy, his veins bulging from his tightened fists, but he wasn't doing it. Either way, the Communion seemed to be growing further and further away.

"You're gonna wish you never said that, pretty boy" Billy growled.

"Prove it. Can't have our girl thinking you're a pussy now, can we?" Austin brazenly said, waltzing up to Billy and clapping a strong hand on Billy's shoulder.

Billy smirked in the shadow of him. Austin was around 3 inches taller than Billy and whilst Billy wasn't exactly featherweight, Austin had a couple of years on him and access to people who trained athletes for a living. Physicality alone was no deterrent for Billy. No, Billy was long done talking with fists. Surely, he was? I hoped so. God, I hoped so. I didn't know how far Austin was going to push him. Hargrove was protective and a man of his word. Time after time, if he felt he'd failed, Billy always went back to the promise he'd made me, the one engraved so deeply in his brain that I worried he'd lose sense over this innate need to protect. This time round with Austin, I didn't know whether the sense would become invisible. If I were to become invisible, my sole legacy being his promise to me.

"Austin, stop" I demanded, stepping behind Billy.

"My girl, Huxley. She is mine" Billy let out a bark of laughter all of a sudden. "You call me a pussy?" Billy inched closer and his voice changed to a low, threatening whisper. "At least I wasn't too much of a pussy to knock her dad out instead of signing that fucking contract, huh?"

Red rushed into Austin's cheeks, his jaw set and eyes narrowed on Billy. I squirmed in my feet. I didn't like how that was brought up and the way it had caused my insides to jolt was unsettling. Just as I had anticipated, I was invisible.

"Billy, can we just go?" I whispered back and gently tug on his arm. However, Billy was far too immersed in his target to do anything to ruin Austin Huxley for the rest of his life. He was solid as a rock and wasn't going anywhere than that beer keg.

So, as my thoughts wandered the pages of the dictionary held like sacred text in the palm of my hand all those years ago, I chose three words for Billy Hargrove that summed him up.

Defiant.

Proud.

Vulnerable.

He would never resist a challenge. He would never let the mask down. More importantly, he would never let someone like Hagan or Austin see a morsel of vulnerability. He just couldn't do it. Hargrove had a reputation to uphold. His only goal in life was to show anyone who could expose him to pain or humiliation that he was the one who truly had the upper hand. He wanted to protect me, but I knew the ultimate motive was to show Austin he wasn't the pussy he'd declared him to be. No, scrap that. The motive was to show his father. The taunts could be coming from Austin, a stranger, his best friend, and all Billy would see and hear was Neil fucking Hargrove. Billy turned around once Hagan had announced the beer keg battle and whispered to me that we'd leave afterward. Another promise. Which promise was more important to him now? The promise to protect or the promise to start anew?

"And if you don't win?" I had surprised both myself and Billy when this stubborn voice rose up out of nowhere. Billy's eyebrow quirked upwards and he rubbed his thumb along the side of my hand. "How many more rounds until you prove what you want to prove?"

"One" he declared gruffly, holding up a single digit as if the triumph were set in stone. It wasn't. It was melded into crumbling concrete. He could win this one time. But how many more games could he play before everything came crumbling down? I mean, shit, was I challenge to him now? "Just one"

"Just one" I quietly said back dubiously and shook my head as a slight laugh fled my lips. He was welcome to win. He could win and win again, but they would all be losses. Billy stared back with this incomprehensive glaze over his bright blue eyes. He knew. Deep down, he understood exactly what I meant. It would never just be one.

"I'm coming back for you, Princess. I just gotta do this. I'm not letting that prick talk about you like that. I'm not gonna hit him. I'm just gonna show him that he isn't gonna talk shit about us without consequences" Billy said, thrusting an accusing finger back at Austin. He was so full of anger. Why couldn't we just walk away? "You believe me, right?"

"I just want to go, Billy" I sighed, crossing my arms. Shit, I didn't even have the others to come and talk Billy out of this. Harrington had gone long ago to drop Pepsi and Heather back at Pepsi's house and Nancy was so immersed in this Russian bullshit that she'd had one drink and headed off the second a lightbulb moment hit. No matter how much I could try, Hargrove wasn't giving in to this one easily.

"And we will once this is over" His fingers brushed across my jawline and he gingerly tilted my chin to ensure I was looking straight into those ocean eyes of his, imploring me to believe him. "Give me a minute. I'll be back"

I leaned against a tree and became one of many spectators as Billy made his way through the crowds of guests who had flocked to witness yet another victory by King Billy himself. The way they roared with all the love and admiration Billy had craved all his life, I understood why he kept the act up. I'd done it so many times. Hearing their compliments, validating you as a person when all you received was hatred, it was the purest addiction out there. Chants of his name filled the suffocating summer air, dancing with the energy and beer. The famous Hargrove signature spread on his lips. Brewing in my eyes was pure rage. Did he seriously think I was going to idly wait for him every time? I was angry at him, angry for him. He was so petrified of even an inkling of submission, the smallest sign of a slight against him, that he'd be willing to turn from a happy ever after. He'd keep chasing the attention, the victories and the screams of anyone who was going to validate that poor little boy begging not to be hit. I hated myself for thinking that way. I hated anyone who kept fuelling the addiction. Right now, I hated the man I loved for falling for it every time. These people were only feeding their egos. Christ, we'd all done it. I did it every time I wore a cheerleader's uniform. Pepsi would lick up every opportunity to have a crowd applaud her until she'd drink so much spit that she'd explode. Harrington, once upon a time, could beat up any kid Hagan told him to if it meant he'd be seen as the big man and never be alone. We all had someone keeping our demons alive. With the fervid crowd, shouting Billy's name until their voices cracked, they were depending on Billy to keep theirs alive and kicking until they'd die. If they shouted for him, he kept that candle of hope flickering way into the night that one day they could be just as loved as he is. As for Billy, he needed them to believe. He needed them to believe he was loved so he could drown out the one voice telling him he wasn't. But, when Billy got to that beer keg, by the way he looked at me, I could tell he felt alone. Hope had been waning for quite some time. Regret welled in his eyes. I leaned further into the tree, feeling the bark etch its pattern on my back. The novelty of being this adored by everyone was wearing off. He was realizing it didn't matter. I crossed my arms in front of my chest, staring intently at him. If he wanted to realize what did matter, he had to do it on his own. He'd done it once and that was the sole reason why he was back in Hawkins in the first place.

"Listen up, nerds!" Hagan's arrogant voice yelled, rendering the crowd silent. "Hargrove currently holds the title at 42 seconds. But, tonight, all that could be lost!"

The crowd booed and hissed as if Austin was Hitler in the flesh. They barked out obscenities and threw their beer dregs at him. Part of me was amused to see the guy who'd looked the other way at my father's abuse to get himself a cushty job at Nightingale Enterprises be humiliated like this. The other half was completely disinterested. I wasn't interested in sweet vengeance or seeing Austin endure this level of pettiness. I wanted him to move quietly on with his life, driving that cherry red BMW worth more than human life to somewhere I'd never see him or that fucking car again. Hargrove was smirking, arms brazenly crossed. The guy was a fighter. No one was stealing that title. But, tonight, this wasn't about the title. This was about showing Austin Huxley that I wasn't dating a pussy. I was dating the guy who fought off demodogs, who in one punch had knocked my father to the ground and protected me. I knew all of that. But, in Hargrove's mind, Huxley had to know it as well. Even if it was just by winning a beer keg contest.

"So, let's see who our winner is tonight. Give it up for King Billy!" Hagan lauded and the crowd went wild. Billy threw off his leather jacket, and suddenly, it was like we'd been transported back to October 1984.

Reflecting on the past is a peculiar habit. The last time I saw Billy chug back on a keg was before we got together. Oddly, there was an air of mystery to him, magnetizing me to him, rather than seeing him as a boy doing the exact same as the other boys. Now I watched him and saw nothing had changed. Billy could do everything a Hawkins boy could do and he would still have this standalone quality to him that made him seem more like a myth than the breathing man he was. Every girl was under his spell. He'd enchanted them, the same he'd once enchanted me. But, they didn't know what lurked beneath Billy. They only saw the charm, the bombastic attitude, and the cool car. They'd never seen his bloodshot eyes desperately trying to withhold tears from spilling out or let his head cradle in their arms when he'd woken up sweating and terrified in the middle of the night from a nightmare. They'd never come close.

"42, 42, 43, 44 - holy shit, we're at 46!" Hagan passionately commentated, grasping at his wild, sweaty locks in sheer disbelief. Billy's feet landed, brown dust pluming up with the impact. "A new fucking record!"

The crowd erupted into cheers, screams, and chants honoring King Billy yet again. Beer glistened on his chin, streaming down his bronzed chest. To everyone's surprise, when Hagan slung his arm over Billy, he threw it off as if his touch were venom. Murmurs replaced the chants, adoration becoming a whisper of the past. Nothing was going to distract Hagan from his night and the attention of a desperate crowd though. He whispered something in Billy's ear. Billy's face contorted from displeasure to seething with anger, so much so that you could see the blood thrumming underneath his skin. The count had started for Austin. I started walking towards the beer keg, but the crowd had become so thick that I couldn't budge past. I wanted to get to Billy and get him out of here. There was only so much more he could take of Hagan before the guy ended up in the hospital. I didn't know what words Hagan had parted, but by the look on Billy's face, he'd uttered his own death wish. Flashes of the scene played out like a scratchy film reel.

"20, 21, 22!"

Austin was struggling.

"23, 24, 25!"

Billy's fists were ready.

"26, 27, 28!"

His feet were ready.

"29, 30, 31!"

He was going to leave.

"32, 33, 34!"

Hagan was whispering to Bryony.

"35, 36 - and he's down!"

And next, Bryony's lips were on Billy's.

"Long live King Billy!"

He pushed her away.

But I was done.

I turned on my heel and followed wherever my head was taking me.

Bryony would never see Billy, and he knew that. Of course, she'd see the smirk, see his sculpted chest shimmer with sweat, but she'd never see him truly naked. When I'd glanced one final time before leaving, the blaze of fury in Billy's eyes told me enough. He'd not asked to be kissed. He didn't want to be. It was a surprise to me that my feet tingled, pulling me further and further away from him rather than what my heart yearned for.

What part of Billy did I want to be close to? Did I want all of him or one of his many masks? The irresistible womanizer, the vulnerable kid, the hypermasculine Keg King, the sensitive soul? Which one was available to me now? Which part of him would I get first? The twinkle in those ocean blue eyes, the wolfish smirk, his hand, his heart, his dick? Maybe I wanted all of it. I wanted everything Billy wasn't going to make into a performance. I just wanted him. God, how were we at this point again? I wished so fucking hard that Billy could realize everything about him was hotter, more beautiful, just fucking more, when he was being himself. Why were we keeping our masks on? Why was I continuing to be the dutiful daughter, Anthony Nightingale's kid who hangs around the popular crowd, who smiles and waves, and pretends like she didn't want to kill herself every second she was there? I despised Tommy and his lackeys, the fake cheerleaders, the way everyone kissed their asses, the way I kissed their asses. I wanted to know why. I wanted to know why I carried myself off to these parties and stood amongst people I wanted to be far away from. I wanted to know why I cared, why I didn't, all in a single second. Christ, all these riddles, they ran laps around my head. Why did we do it to ourselves? What were we afraid of? Rejection? Feeling powerless? Feeling outcast? Did we even know how to sit with ourselves, away from the sheep, away from the uncomfortable comfort? What a fucking contradiction. We were walking in hypocrite's skin. We smiled at those we hated, mocked them when they were nowhere to be seen, and plastered the smile on again when they came back. Did Billy ever truly see me? Did I ever truly see him? Only when we were together. Just us two.

I saw it now. Like a sudden ray of light streaming past the darkness, I saw it. The reason. He wanted me to come to California for more than to get away from the pain of our respective situations. It ran so much deeper than us running from Neil. We were running from ourselves - running from the masks. In California, we were unabashedly us. We threw away the titles of Keg King and Anthony Nightingale's Daughter because no one knew who we were. We could just be two people who were madly in love. The two kids making fools out of themselves as they danced to Live Wire on the beach, tripping over gushing, icy waves as they chased us down the shoreline. We were free to reinvent, free to carve beneath our skins and find who we were. And that's exactly where the problem lay. California wasn't the answer to our problems. Only we were the answer. We could be in San Diego, Hawkins, or Antarctica and still look in the mirror every day and be tempted to put the mask back on. Endless voices in our heads would cease whenever we were around each other. It was why we could be ourselves. Our bodies responded before our minds could even so much as contemplate. We'd been taught early on to be one step ahead, balance steadily on a thin piece of string, in the game between our safety and those who were meant to love us. When you get two people who were raised like that, it becomes a paradise when you can let your body speak for you. We felt something beyond the physical, past the racing heart heeding what the mind commanded and connected instead at the core of who we were. Jesus Christ, my head felt like it was going to explode. In a matter of minutes, everything just made so much sense. We were like our parents. Neil and Anthony knew when to perform and how to get a standing ovation - the perfect fathers, the family men. Only Billy and I knew what lay in store when the curtain dropped. But in some skewed way, we'd only replicated them. Each of us had an act. The Daughter. The Son. The Father's. The Charmer. The Cheerleader. The Rebel. The Heiress. We'd lived up to those roles. We'd played them to perfection day in, and day out, and even after everything, here they were.

Suddenly, I was in The Communion, the chants of Billy's loyal followers nothing but a dim echo. I wasn't done with Billy. I was done with feeling numb. I was done with the crowd, Hagan, all of addictive toxicity. But here, in the depths of nature, I could just be. Alive, visceral, almost touchable. I let the balls of my feet be swallowed into the shallow banks of The Communion's waters, feeling the gentle fall of the pebbles as my feet sank deeper. I could touch them, feel them. I wasn't wearing a mask now. There was no audience. No one was here to impress me, hurt me, ridicule me. It was just my reflection staring back at me. Would she ever forgive me? I wiped away a stray tear, but before I could suppress the overwhelming emotions charging at me from every direction, my face was scrunching up and I let out an unreserved cry. Pain darted through my shoulders as they shuddered, fighting against the wracking sob battling to be freed. I was so fucking warm. Subconsciously, I'd run here. It wasn't far from Hagan's house. The intoxicating combination of sweltering summer air and the liberation of my sadness was too much to bear. I wasn't sure if throwing my top far behind me and kicking off my skirt and tights were deemed as being part of a nervous breakdown, but diving into a lake with no one else here surely was. I gasped at just how goddamn cold the water was, like several knives piercing my skin all at once. Jesus, what the fuck was I doing? Despite my misgivings, I stayed. I breathed. I just allowed myself to be. Soon, the pain ebbed away and the cool waters embraced every inch of my body. I allowed my feet to sink a little further under the rocks, feeling pebbles become weightless as they bobbed slowly across my skin. The familiar scent of the bonfire at Hagan's party filled my nose. I saw why Billy loved water, always wanting to be one with it. Water was his freedom, his release from everything else life had ever thrown at him. The water drowned out the voices of his father, hid the tears streaming down his face, and washed away the evidence of it afterward when the time had come to emerge. Effortlessly, I floated onto my back and rested my interlaced hands on my stomach, the rise and fall so attuned to my breathing becoming the only thing to stop me from crying. The sky was a blue and purple haze, summer day seeping into summer night. Watching the stars glitter from hundreds of lightyears away, I felt fragile, insignificant. A smile crept onto my lips. To feel this small was a blessing. Out there, galaxies were being born, stars were exploding and planets were being destroyed. Kind of similar to Earth, I guess. But just here in this moment of sheer tranquility, I could rest and feel like I was invisible.

And then, like a thunderbolt striking, it dawned on me.

I had run - again.

Fuck, how could I have done that again to him? The force of this realization caused me to lose focus and I was suddenly spluttering up water. Shit, how long had I been in this daze for? Quickly, I scrambled to the banks and hauled myself up, the hacking coughs failing to cease. I had to get back to Billy. He'd pushed Bryony off, for God's sakes. It wasn't like he wanted her to kiss him. As for doing the keg in the first place, the guy was fucking insecure. Like I wasn't sometimes? We needed to stop doing this. Instead of running, kissing, or turning into untrue versions of ourselves, we needed to just fucking stop and talk.

Suddenly, my heart jolted as I heard ragged breathing close by. My eyes darted from the narrow gaps between the bushes and trees, the disintegrating wooden panels somehow keeping the gazebo up. It was getting closer and closer. Jesus Christ, what the hell was I doing? I was half-naked, alone and it was dark. Was I aiming to be killed tonight? Shit, where the hell was my stuff? Survival mode kicked in and I went plunged myself straight back into the water, bobbing my head up only to keep a lookout for whoever was coming my way. The second I saw a figure marching towards The Communion, I scrunched my eyes up and pinched my nose, sleekly going back under the water.

"Fuck!" I heard a warbled voice roar.

The amount of emotion in that yell would be enough to terrify anyone. Its echoes had already made the birds scarper, fleeing from their nests and leaving the leaves collectively shuddering. But, knowing who it was, I felt completely safe.

"Christ, Hargrove, you scared the shit out of me" I sighed, emerging from the water.

"Jesus, fuck!" Billy yelped, stumbling a little behind him. As soon as he saw it was me, he slackened and let out a deep sigh that had been incarcerated in his lungs for far too long.

I swam over to the bank, hoisting myself up and going over to pick up my things. Before I could, my eyes met his. They were impaling me with daggers, one by one. The first was anger, the next worry, the last heartache. A storm was brewing in the cerulean oceans. I wasn't sure what else they had to unleash - a tsuanmi, a whirlpool, a gentle splash? He marched over to me until he was inches from my face. I staggered backward a little, the sudden whites of his eyes and the pure fury on his face shocking me.

"What the hell are you playing at, Nightingale, huh?" he spat out accusingly.

I scoffed, taken aback by the venom laced in his words.

"I told you I wanted to leave" I snapped. Okay, I was pissed off now. I'd said to him I wanted to go and he's fucking astounded when I did instead of waiting around? Nope, not happening.

"You just upped and left without telling anyone! I've spent the past 20 minutes running around this fucking dead-end country lane looking for you" When I dared to counter his penetrating gaze, I caught the beginning of the storm - the unbearable heat before the clouds submitted to a downpour. But there was still turbulence, still a wave of anger waiting to crash into the shore. "Why are you out here by yourself? After everything, you're just here…" He thrust a hand at me, wafting it up and down as he scrambled to find words "...fucking swimming!"

"I clearly said I wanted to go and you're angry that I went and did the exact thing I said I wanted to do?" I started picking up my things, holding the bundle of clothing to my small frame.

"Anything could have happened to you out here, Sierra" Billy said, pinching his nose in despair. I sighed and inwardly tried to coax my own frustration into simmering.

"Billy, I'm fine" I calmly stated. I wanted to get dressed, but something was stopping me. Instead, I was fixated on Billy, clearly seething in his skin, pacing around and refusing to look at me. I let out a deep breath and awkwardly ruffled my hair. This wasn't anger I was seeing. It was panic. I opened my mouth to apologize, but his voice took place before I could even so much as utter a word.

"Jesus Christ, that's not the fucking point!" he yelled and groaned as he wrapped his arms around himself. He was still pacing. Three steps to the left, three steps to the right. I jumped as his voice reverberated in my mind. "Fuck, I - Jesus!" Billy turned abruptly on his heel, almost falling over from the sheer force of the twist. He let out a deep, shaky exhale. "I know you're okay. I know you can handle yourself. But I already let you go once and I'm doing the exact same now, and anything could have happened - "

"Billy, you're talking like someone is gonna kill me" I sighed. Immediately, I regretted the nonchalant tone I'd taken. I aimed to placate him but had done the exact opposite. Fuck, I was an idiot. Billy flashed me a look. The storm had come back and this time, it was a fucking hurricane.

"We know what's out there. Don't talk like it doesn't fucking exist" Billy snapped.

"We closed the gate, Billy. Whatever was out there is gone now" I replied reassuringly. Was this related to his episodes in the night? I was so in the wrong here. "Look, I'm sorry… I just wanted to go and I got overwhelmed, and…" I left out a huff and ran my fingers through my hair. Be accountable, Nightingale. "...I should've just waited to speak to you about what happened. Just you doing that beer keg…" I surveyed Billy's reaction, the flicker of his lighter going out as quickly as he discarded the lit cigarette.

"I could list a million reasons why you should've waited for me" Billy paused, breathless and groaning as if something was physically hurting him. He was virtually buckling over his knees Shit, had he hurt himself by running here?

"Billy, are you okay?" I whispered, inching a little closer to him. The light from the moon shining down revealed a smear of blood over his fingers. I let out a small gasp and motioned to hold onto his hand, but he'd already taken the second pace. Third step turned into fourth, fourth into tenth and he was spiralling, bloody hands clutching his hair. "Billy, show me your hand"

"I'm not goddamn okay, Nightingale. I shouldn't have done it in the first place…" Billy murmured, as if in a frantic daze, his only movement outside the daze being to take those ten steps to the left and ten to the right.

A rush of dread shot down my spine. What the fuck had happened in those twenty minutes after I left?

"Bryony fucking kissed me, so I pushed her back. I told her I wasn't goddamn interested, that I was here with you and leaving with you, and only you. Then fucking Hagan laughs it off, telling me he told her to kiss me so I wouldn't go with you, to leave you so Austin could have a fucking piece. Like, you were just fucking nothing to me and you were just this piece of goddamn fucking meat for the taking. I just- I just saw fucking red, Sierra. Huxley kept on calling you 'our girl' and Hagan thinks he can be the fucking top dog. So, I swung and got his nose. He's fine, he got up, but then he tried again and I knocked him to the floor. I think I broke his nose. I just upped and left. Jesus, even Huxley said Hagan had gone too far this time. He tried talking to me, tried saying sorry. I didn't swing, I didn't even say anything, I just nodded and went back to that tree where you'd been standing. Then, I saw you'd left and I started looking around the house and no one had seen you, so I just ran here. I wasn't protecting you when I was doing that beer keg, I was protecting myself, even if I thought I was protecting you. I fucking did it again - I left you and I swore I fucking wouldn't. Jesus, fuck!" Billy yelled out and spun around, shooting out a stream of breath. He was panting. One flicker of his eyes catching onto mine told me the panic had subsided. Now, there was only heartache. There were no more paces, nowhere else to run. It was just us.

Gingerly, I brushed my fingers against his leather-cladded back. Against my touch, his chest fell up and down, up and down, rapidly. A hesitant whimper fled from his throat.

"It's okay" I soothingly whispered, feeling the blunt rise and fall of his panicked breath, trying to conjure enough magic to make his problems go away. Tears cascaded to the ground from where he was buckled over. "You came back when you'd realized what went wrong"

"It's not enough" Billy murmured defeatedly, dropping his head a little lower when I started gently scratching my nails along his reddened neck. He was boiling hot.

"Billy, it is. At least you realized it. It's a starting point" I replied, getting lost in the motion of my fingers brushing across his skin. I would do this when Billy first started having nightmares. Softly, I'd whisper comforting incantations and stroke his back as he curled up against my body, his head nestled in my curls. This felt like then and for a brief moment, it soothed me to feel like we were one again. "I'm sorry, I just didn't want to be there anymore. I didn't want to be around all those people - Austin, Hagan, Bryony. I just wanted it to be us two, so we could talk and sort this out. I ran too, Hargrove. I'm sorry, I should've waited"

"I should've just ignored them in the first place. I didn't like him talking that way about you" Billy let out a loud sniff, his back still facing me. I was drawing invisible circles on his back, watching how his head drooped ever so slightly. As if feeling a flicker of fire sparkle under my feet, I suddenly moved towards him and rested my forehead against his back. I could feel the feverish warmth beneath his leather jacket. He must have been running fast. Billy's breath slowed and he let out an audible, long sigh, one that sounded like he'd been longing to release something trapped inside of him. "I was a dick to say that shit about knocking your dad out. It was stupid of me and I let my anger get the better of me. 'Should've just ignored that prick and come straight here with you"

No longer were his eyes ablaze. The storm in them had softened, a retaliating emotion bringing a stillness. They were focused, intent on bringing something to the surface. Please, I thought. Please, Hargrove. Show me who you really are. Just like before. We were back at the start. The start of our relationship, in the very place we both found we were more alike than we had once thought. But, this was another start - the start of the both of us taking accountability and being ourselves.

"Jesus, I'm roasting" Billy sighed and stood up with a grunt. I took hold of his bloodied hand, examining the damage. It was minimal, just a smear. Another grunt sounded when I applied some pressure and he recoiled slightly. I tenderly squeezed his hand and in response, he closed his thumb over mine. "Think I might'a bruised it a little"

"No more fighting to defend my honor, Hargrove" I laughed, almost shyly.

"If you insist, Nightingale" he chuckled and threw off his leather jacket. "It's too goddamn hot. I'm off for a swim. You coming?" Billy asked, but it was far from a question. The tables had turned, the dice rolling nimbly in the palm of his hand, just waiting for the right moment to win.

Instead of questioning him on this sudden decision, I merely followed. Billy's adamant feet were already submerged under the water by the time I'd started getting undressed. Fuck, I regretted not wearing a bra. Not like it mattered. He'd seen my breasts more times than I could count. But it was under different circumstances, and I didn't want to lead him on, nor did I want to have to wear a soaked top back home. At what point did a piece of fabric determine whether Billy thought I was here to talk or sleep with him? I tossed the crop top aside with my skirt, kicking it beside Billy's clothing. I was going to have to get naked around him either way.

Covering my breasts with an arm, I quickly disappeared under the surface of the water. As I emerged, my dark hair slicked down my back and I let out a freeing laugh. Weirdly enough, just being with Billy alone like this felt liberating. A lopsided grin creeped up on Billy's lips as he waded over towards me. It felt like old times, before the madness, before the haze of panic and worry had obscured what we really shared. I kept my arm pressed against my breasts, despite the water hiding them for me. We could just about see one another, our only source of light being the moon above. My teeth chattered though, despite the water being a cool relief from the humidity hanging over Hawkins tonight. I wasn't overly cold. It was being here, the reality hitting me like a bus, with Billy. The heat coming from him was compelling, and soon, it had hypnotized me completely.

"Come here" he cooly drawled, his voice huskier than I recalled.

Before my mind could even process his command, I was in his arms. His hands were on my waist, in my hair, tracing my jawline. The tips of our noses brushed as we weaved in and out of reach, playing this teasing game where our lips opened for the others, seeing who would make the first move. Neither of us dared. If I crumbled now, I wasn't sure I could ever leave. Yet, Billy knew how to play this game well. His bottom lip dragged along my cupid's bow, wayward curls dangling over his dipped head. He was breathing hard, plumes of condensation abandoning his mouth. How long had we both been waiting for this moment? How long were we both willing to wait until we could taste each other again? I pressed my forehead against his and closed my eyes as he cupped my head with his bear-like hands. Breathing in his scent again was pure bliss. It was home.

I'd waited so goddamn long to be home.

"Sierra" he breathed, his breath hot against my skin.

I couldn't wait a second more.

My lips gently closed over his, feeling the rumble of a moan flee.

The feverish heat between us was intoxicating and I wanted to do nothing but fall deeper and deeper. Billy kissed back hard, grabbing clutches of my hair. There was this primal frenzy ricocheting between the two of us. He'd pulled my hair, I'd gasp. I'd graze my teeth over his ear, he'd let out this feral shout. Hands tight around my wrists. Nails driving into his skin. Kissing. Pain. Fucking. Love. Billy. Me. I was falling. Deeper and deeper, I was falling again.

"Wait" I panted and released myself from him. Billy took a step back, bewilderment initially casting a shadow over his face before conceding to something more neutral. I couldn't fall anymore. How many times would I hit the ground and try climb back up? ""There's so much we've left unspoken, Billy" I sighed, furrowing my brows. I could taste him on my lips and the desire I had to keep him there was way too visceral.

"Okay, shoot" Billy shrugged and leaned against a large rock. If he was within reach of his jeans right now, he'd be going straight for his cigarettes to light one up.

"Do you remember when we played that game of 20 Questions here?" I started, pretty unsure myself where this was going.

Droplets of water glistened under the moonlight as Billy threw back his head and let out a rumble of laughter. "How could I forget?"

"I asked you if you thought I'd ever leave Hawkins, and you replied, "Do you want to?"" I paused, watching the words sink in. I wasn't talking to The Charmer. Feelings were bubbling to the surface, just in reach of his grasp. "I never answered. I didn't answer because all I wanted to do was run away from this place, from everything. I thought if I left then I could be myself and actually live. Is that why you went to California?"

Initially, Billy shifted uncomfortably, fixated on his foot underneath the water as it leisurely drifted through the pebbles. Slowly, he nodded.

"It's why I wanted you to come with me" he solemly replied.

"We can still do that, Billy" I sighed and moved to become more proximate to him. I stood underneath him, peering up into those eyes that held so many dreams for us in the Californian sun. "But we don't have to be somewhere else to be ourselves"

"It's why I was pissed you weren't going to college. I mean, it wasn't the only reason. It's just… you're smart, Princess. Really fucking smart. I know you care for Zack, but hell, I'd work a thousand hours a week to take care of him if it meant you'd say yes and go"

"Wouldn't you just resent it though?" I asked, a tear falling down my cheek. Billy rubbed it away with his thumb, pressing tenderly against each freckle. "You like to party, do fun shit, play basketball, and you know, you wanted to go to college too. Why should you pass up all those opportunities when you've worked hard for them? He's not your kid"

The more I thought about it, the more my lower lip wobbled. Billy was talented and when he finally got talking about college in the last few days of us being together, he became so animated and honored he had finally proved to himself that he deserved good things to happen to him. I would've gone with him, and that's the part that bites the hardest. I never told him. All I said was, "Let's see what next year brings". In a year, I could've planned things and organized myself more. Hell, I would've been able to earn some real money, not just the shit saved up for when Dad inevitably croaks it. A lot of people talk about me making sacrifices for Zack - and I'm undeniably one of them - but I was looking forward to saving up some money. I dreamed of Billy and I living with Zack by the ocean front, maybe having a couple of our own kids when we were old enough and had crossed off every aspiration off the list. But, I also knew there was a reality to it. We were still teenagers and we still wanted our own lives. I never once expected Billy to sacrifice any part of his dreams to help fulfill mine. Willing to, yes, he was more than which was admirable as hell. But, we never discussed it. No, we argued. There was so much left unsaid, even though we'd been shouting to the rooftops. Shit, I'd fucked up big time. We both had.

"Hey," Billy whispered and cupped my cheeks, bringing his lips to my hairline where he dotted kisses along it. "It's alright, Princess. I'm not going anywhere. I wouldn't be passing up any opportunities. I'd be turning them down"

"How the hell would you be turning down an opportunity?" I mumbled, wiping at my wet eyes with the palm of my hand. Tenderly, Billy took my hand in his.

"I'd be turning down having a real family," he said. I could tell he was being serious. Billy's eyes had a way of speaking for him. They were always heavy-lidded or alert. Very rarely were they anywhere in between. "You, Zack, Max… you guys are my family, and I guess," He exhaled a stream of air and ran a hand through his curls, laughing slightly to himself "It's all I've wanted. Just to, you know, have a family"

Shit, if I thought I was crying before, I was now. But this wasn't the same dejected emotion coursing through me as before. Everything felt as if we were on a shaky, wooden bridge, just waiting to collapse, even with the promise of safety mere steps away. I was crying more because truly, family is all I ever wanted too. I'd made a vow with Zack to protect him from the hurt and pain our parents created. In the early days, I had what I considered the perfect image of what our family looked like. It was Zack and I, living in one of those old vans you see hippies driving, traveling coast to coast. I could show him the world and every single little thing it had to offer. From the shitty bacon sandwiches you get at the small '50s cafe down the Historic National Road to the sparkling oceans in Malibu. I'd show him the beauty of the world and he could retell stories from our highway breakdowns, the food we ate, strangers who became friends. All I wanted was to give him the world, and yet, whenever I would reach out, there would be something, someone, ready to drag me back. When I met Billy, I slowly drew him into the picture, but there was always a wavering anticipation that one day, I'd have to erase him. Yet, here he was, telling me to draw him back in. He'd told me time and time again, and to my own shame, I didn't believe him. Even when I saw him teaching Zack how to swim, reading him a bedtime story, there was a cynical little voice whispering, turning my smile into a grimace, as they told me everything I was seeing was a fable, an illusion. He'd run one day. He'd run when the realization drops like a bomb and he finally admits this was all a terrible mistake, and behind the smile plastered on his face was a resentful man who'd sacrificed the glory days to deal with someone who wasn't his kid. And for what? All for a girl. It seemed preposterous to give up what's meant to be the best years of your life for a kid who isn't your son, who isn't your girlfriend's son, nor your responsibility.

"And you and Max, you're ours" I sobbed, my voice cracking. "Zack adores you. He knew something was going on when you weren't around every two days" The scene of Zack tapping his foot impatiently as I tried to buy time to explain with white lies and sweet treats. The kid was smart and was growing curious about his surroundings with every passing day. He could decipher even the slightest decline in mood and those first few days not knowing where Billy was solved in his small brain in a matter of minutes. "It's not just playing basketball and throwing him over your shoulder though, Billy. It's waking up to calm him down at 3am when he's having nightmares, or cleaning up his puke when he gets into the snack cupboard as you're watching TV and decides it's a great idea to inhale ten Snickers bar in one sitting, or trying to explain why it's not nice to shout at people because he's mimicking your asshole of a father" I sighed and gently shook my head, allowing it to hang low in some bid to alleviate the warning signs of a stress headache. "It's not all fun and games, you know? And despite my Mom being back, what if something happens, like Dad pulling something out of the blue, so he has to go back to him? And…" I couldn't say it. The words that had been pummelling my brain since Mom got back were lodged in my throat, desperately trying to carve a way out.

"Sierra, I'm not going anywhere" Billy said, promise and determination shining, as if he had read my thoughts.

"You say that now" I said and took a step backwards, feeling the movement, so harsh in its meaning, softly ripple around me.

"I mean it, Nightingale"

"You have a life, Hargrove"

"I do. I have a life and I want you in it. If that means stepping up, then it means stepping up" He moved forwards, reaching out to wrap a comforting arm around my waist. God, I wanted to reach out to. But I was consumed by the word I refused to say, refused to even think. "Let me do this with you"

"And if you change your mind?"

"I'm not going to"

"But if you do?"

"Sierra, I said I'm not going to"

We were both staring intently at each other, eyes latching on in the determination to prove the other wrong. He wanted to prove he loved me. I wanted him to prove it too. Even when he'd clearly shown he did, I was just waiting to hear the words that would prove me right - that it was all too much and the terrible mistake had been realized. When would he back out of this lake and the start became the inevitable end? I wouldn't feel relief. I wouldn't even so much as celebrate that I'd been right the entire time. No, it would fucking destroy me because I pushed him to it. We were meant to be accepting accountability. We were meant to be open and honest. Fuck it. I just had to say it.

"I'm scared, Billy"

There it was. Loud enough for it to be in the open, quiet enough so it may not have been heard at all. Billy's intense eyes softened and once again, he reached out his arm. This time, I clung to him like an anchor.

"I know you are, Princess" he whispered. "Let me help you"

"I just want us to be ourselves, Billy, and feel like we can stop running" I sobbed, hot tears stinging the freckles Billy was subconsciously counting with his thumb. "I want us to just be two 18-year-olds who are madly in love with each other and their whole lives ahead of them. I'm scared if Mom goes, or if something happens, you won't get that. I'm scared I won't too"

"Then let's stop running, baby" he whispered and held my head up so I could see his blue eyes earnestly looking into mine. He was telling the truth. This was Billy Hargrove. "I want you, Nightingale. I have since I first laid eyes on you in that parking lot, since you made me start thinking with those 20 Questions, and that hasn't stopped. If anything, I want you more. When I was in Cali, I didn't feel home. No matter how goddamn much I wanted to and the reason why is because I didn't have my family. You weren't there lying on a beach towel reading a book and telling me to get my ass over so you can read your new favourite line. Max wasn't there being a sarcastic little asshole. Zack wasn't tied up around my feet trying to get me to play basketball with him, nearly tripping me up"

"Yeah, he's pretty good at that" We both chuckled a little. I shook my head, smiling.

"So, if your Mom goes or if something happens, I'm gonna be right there with you, and I'm not gonna regret it for a fucking second, alright? And even if that does happen, we can still be us" he paused, inspecting whether I believed him or not. "I'm not losing you like that again" Again, he paused. His lips were sucked inwards and I felt his hand tremor slightly. This time, his eyes were struggling to speak for him. "You - " I squeezed his hand. His eyes were stuck to his feet buried in the pebbles. We were freezing cold now. "You're the girl I wanna marry one day" he said, so soft it was barely audible at all. The golden pendant hanging from my neck balanced on the tip of his finger, hypnotizing him into revealing every last thought. "I've not loved someone like this before. It fucking scared me sometimes because I thought the same as you - you're gonna leave. But I had to learn to trust you, trust myself. I'm still getting there. I might enjoy a party or a smoke with the guys sometimes. There's so much I'm not certain about - where my job prospects are, if I'm a good man or not, or whether I want to talk about my emotions or pick up a bottle. And I gotta work on that myself. But, there's one thing I've never felt so certain about. One day, I want to make you my wife, Nightingale. If that means skipping on a party to help you look after Zack, then so be it. If it means finding another way to get a decent income to provide for you both, even if it's working the crappiest job in the world, then I'm happy as a pig in shit about that. Because it means my family are safe and happy. No one gave a shit about that when I was a kid. Hell, Neil has never given a shit about it. I give a shit about it. I might not be able to give you the world, Nightingale, but I can fucking promise you now that one day I'll prove you wrong"

Holy shit.

I could barely move a muscle. My heart had stopped. It had skipped about a hundred beats.

"Christ, don't leave me hanging, Nightingale, say something" Billy sighed, his interlaced hands between his head, clutching onto that spark of hope.

"Y-yes" I managed to blurt out. Jesus, what a goddamn embarrassment I was. Despite my jaw pretty much hitting the floor, time had slowed to the point where I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Billy raised a brow and cocked his head a little. Come on, Nightingale, spit it out!

"I-I believe you" I breathed. Billy staggered back a little, probably surprised I could utter more than two words. He breathed a sigh of relief, the gust of air mushrooming past me. "Just as long as you let me prove you wrong too"

"In what way?" Billy chuckled, running a hand through his damp curls.

"Because I'm not going anywhere either, Hargrove"

We stood there for a little while, only a few seconds, just letting the smiles spread on our lips. His toothy grin, so childlike in ways, sent my fluttering heart racing. We'd both finally realized what it was to be loved. He will willing to give up so much for my happiness. In return, I was making a silent vow to give him everything. The feeling that I could wasn't powerful. Instead, it was much more innocent. I'd do whatever I could to ensure he could live with love, care, and know he didn't have to be The Lone Wolf or The Charmer. He could just be. And so, I walked over and wrapped my arms around him. Our hug wasn't tight or dramatic. It was as light as a feather, the most gentle of touches when all he had known was brutality. It wasn't my job to save Billy Hargrove, nor was it his job to save me. We could save ourselves. But we knew we didn't have to do everything alone, and to my pleasant surprise, it was Hargrove himself who taught me that.

"Why were we at that party, Hargrove?" I murmured against his wet skin.

"We're sadistic and like torturing ourselves?" Billy joked. "Hey, I don't kink-shame"

"Worst kink of my life" I laughed. As we stood there together, arms around each other in this sweet, safe cocoon, a more solemn mood took over. I felt guilty. "I'm sorry I didn't wait for you"

"It's alright, all's forgiven and forgotten" Billy sighed, running his fingers through the roots of my damp hair. "You're right though. I didn't feel particularly great about going tonight. You know what a perfect night sounds like?"

"What's that?" I murmured as my eyes slipped to a close, feeling home again as he held me.

"Getting out of this lake, getting our clothes back on, grabbing some pizza, and heading back to mine" Billy stated, loosening his arms from around my small frame and squeezing my hand. "What'ya think?"

"Sounds like a dream" I agreed and smiled up at him. "Is there anything else you want to talk about?"

"Yeah, what topping do you want on your pizza?" I playfully swatted him which earned me a tiny push in response, both of us laughing at our own stupidity. It felt so nice, just like dipping our toes into a warm bath. It was cozy, just being able to be like this instead of being so serious. "Not at the moment. Maybe a little later. Right now, I'm pretty happy just walking home with you and getting some food"

"I like this plan" I giggled and we started making our way to the edge of the lake.

However, just as we reached our clothes, the violent rev of a car and the flood of unexpected bright light on the horizon ended the little trip to the dreamland we'd been in. The not-so-distant and rough vocals of Bruce Springsteen hollering out 'Glory Days' told us one thing - Hagan was on the hunt. Quickly, Billy grabbed my hand and we were back off into the water. We climbed up onto the small island in the middle and hid behind the large rock, our clothes carelessly tossed behind us. As the threatening roar of the engine got closer, Billy got more tense. He wasn't scared or nervous, he was gearing up to a fight. Intensely, he stared at the white full beams as the car jerked around the corner and came to a halt.

"How badly did you get his nose?" I whispered.

"I don't think you wanna know the answer to that" Billy gruffily replied without lowering his gaze.

I visibly grimaced. Billy could pack a punch, that much was for certain. But, I had to remember, the days of him picking fights just to appease the inner kid who wanted revenge on the world were gone. Hagan had provoked him and he'd managed to quell the anger until Hagan pushed him too far. The very fact alone that his first instinct was to hide instead of to fight was an indication that he'd improved since October. Billy put a finger to his lips and nodded in the direction of Hagan who'd essentially fallen straight out of the car.

"Hey, Hargrove, get your fucking ass out here, man!" Hagan's raspy voice yelled. "You fucking shit! Ow, goddamn it!" I had to literally slap a hand over my mouth as Hagan tripped over his own feet. Behind him, Austin was impatiently tapping his foot and Carol was chewing on what seemed to be a very big stick of gum, her jaw rabidly chomping away, bored and uninterested in her boyfriend's theatrics. "Why were they there?!"

"You mean your own feet, you dick?" Carol's drone voice asked.

"Shut your mouth before I shut it for you, Carol!" Hagan whined.

"You weren't saying that an hour ago, Tommy" Carol winked at him. Billy tutted, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Damn it, Carol! I'm trying to kick Hargrove's ass and you're making me look like a goddamn idiot!" Hagan shouted and started marching towards the lake, throwing plenty of expletives at a rather unphased Carol who was too busy checking her nails. Tommy was so wrapped up in digging up, what you could call, 'unique' insults that he once again fell over his own shadow into the lake, a huge splash echoing. "He's gotta be here!"

"Jesus, what a stupid ass prick" Billy whispered, his warm, sleepy breath expanding over my cheek. I giggled quietly and mimed shushing him. "Guess I better keep my mouth busy before I say anything else and get us caught" I gasped, the shock of suddenly feeling the heat from his mouth as it closed over my bare shoulder causing me to slightly stumble into him. Billy steadied me, placing his large hands on my hips. His touch wasn't firm, but it somehow managed to electrify every nerve in my body. Molten hot desire followed the trace his hands curated and if it wasn't for Hagan's persistent barking in the background, I would have lost myself to Billy's touch and forgotten where I was. "Shh," he hushed, trailing my shoulder, my neck, my jawline, with light as air kisses "Not much longer"

I desperately tried to be quiet, but Billy was making it near impossible. Feeling his nose brush anywhere he pleased, my whole body buzzed with ached with the anticipation of knowing his lips would leave their mark. I felt my head tilt, a soft moan burning away in my throat. Permission to let him do whatever he so wanted. So much as one noise would expose us, and yet, I felt completely safe. Maybe, this is what Billy wanted. He survived on the neverending thrills. Yet, the way he ran his teeth along my skin, and the tenderness of his lips like I was made of delicate china that could break any second, caused me to wonder how much of this was for him. Billy liked rough, he liked expressing passion in a way that left me screaming his name into a pillow or driving my nails into his bare, golden skin. The last time he was this gentle was when we first slept together. It was raw, incredibly raw, and full of emotion we'd never articulated. Upon reflection, I think the first time Billy and I had sex was truly the first time he said, without words, that he loved me. We were so different in that regard. I spoke. He acted. But tonight, Billy had shown me every word underlying the way his body had spoken for him.

"How do you know he won't find us?" I whispered, reaching my hand up to tease his curls.

"He won't," Billy said after a long, contented exhale. Even though I wasn't looking at him, I knew he had a devilish smirk plastered on his face. Fuck, the man had me shivering. "Cold?"

"Nope" I curtly replied, really, seriously, trying to keep my shit together. The man knew exactly what he was goddamn doing and he was loving every moment seeing me try not to implode.

"You're being very patient, Nightingale" he breathed. Jesus H Christ, the very way he spoke with that gravelly voice, into the crook of my neck, made me melt. I could practically feel how the words formed in this throat as they soaked underneath my skin and became the essence of how I felt everytime he spoke. I was under his spell and he was right, I was waiting for the magic.

"I'm trying to not get our asses caught" I whispered back. I wasn't stopping him though. The way my entire body had melted in the firm grip of his hands didn't exactly convey being on guard or not wanting to be caught. Although the idea of Tommy H seeing me like this was a pretty disturbing thought. Ew, gross, gross, gross. But also, keep thinking it so I can maybe stay quiet.

"He'll be gone soon" Billy murmured in my ear, the soothing fearlessness in his voice once again igniting that red-hot need to be fused with him. How could he be so confident? Realistically, we had a high chance of being caught, particularly if Billy's lips just so happened to find the exact spot that would send me wild. But this shameless defiance of his made me believe every word. "And once he's gone, you won't be whispering anymore"

Oh, goddamn.

No longer did Billy have to find that sweet spot. His voice had already touched it.

"In the meantime, enjoy the entertainment" Billy said, nodding his head in the direction of the guy who was hunting us down.

Focus, Sierra. Hagan was getting himself out of the lake, throwing both him and Austin to the ground. Austin, now covered in dirt, shoved Tommy back so hard, we could nearly hear the dull thud of his body hitting the bed of the lake over the cartoonishly loud crash of water. Billy let out a quiet, kiddish chuckle and I found my nose scrunching up as I snickered along with him.

"They're not here, Hagan. Get your dumb ass out of the lake and let's go back to yours" Austin shouted, heading back to the car where Carol was continuing to do nothing.

"Hey, fuck you, Huxley! This guy stole your girl!" Hagan yelled, pounding the waves dramatically with his fists as he scampered to the lake bank.

"He didn't steal her, Hagan. You just wanted her out the picture to keep whatever popularity you had" Austin droned as he got into the drivers seat, keeping the door open for whenever Hagan decided to actually stop being a little diva and get back on land. Second thoughts, I wondered if Hagan knew how to swim. Oh yeah, he could. Badly, but he could. Not enough to make me want to help him out.

"Well, sue me for trying to get you the love of your life back!" Hagan retorted.

"Oh, well that's the plot twist I never expected" I mutter sarcastically.

"Wait, did you hear that?" Hagan twisted his head around towards the rock. Oh, great, so Billy getting me all worked up didn't catch his attention, but that did? Hagan and his selective fucking hearing… I clapped a hand over my mouth. Billy barely kept the laughter inside him. Hagan's eyes were wide, and if I were on the other side of that lake, I would've surmised he was a paranoid coke addict. "Seriously, did you not hear that?"

"For God's sakes, Hagan, you bastard" Austin groaned. "They're not here and I have a feeling Hargrove would beat your ass black and blue even if he was. Maybe you should try do your own thing instead of getting a buzz from the Keg King" he then said, punctuating every word. "You know what, fuck this. I'm out. You coming, Carol?"

"Well, duh, I'm already in the car" Carol plainly droned. The only things I heard above Hagan's screaming pleas were Billy's soft breathing as he continued his lips descent down my neck and the screech of tyres.

"Oh, so it's like that, huh? You're Team Hargrove now? Wait, don't fucking leave me! Oh, you dickheads! I'm so breaking up with that bitch" Hagan chuntered and the grunt of him belly flopping onto the grass. "She better not even think of giving him head!"

Finally after Hagan's labored breathing had disappeared into the distance, the coast was clear. I let out a deep sigh of relief I'd had pent up in my shoulders and laughed.

"Thank God, I was struggling to keep my dick up with him squealing like a pig" Billy casually stated. My jaw pretty much hit my knees. How was I still surprised?

"You're so goddamn crude, Hargrove" I groaned with disdain. Crude, he may be, but I wasn't exactly adverse to him keeping it up either. I peeked over the top of the rock, trying to get as high up on my tip toes to make sure Hagan had definitely gone running off into the distance. "Yup, he's a goner!"

"Good" Billy grunted.

Before I knew it, he'd grabbed my waist and his chiseled abdomen was pressing so hard against mine that I couldn't budge an inch, even if I wanted to. His lips were on mine, stealing my breath away and making it his own. The rumble of anticipation brewing like a stormcloud in his chest penetrated into me, sending a rush of excitement richocheting up and down my spine. Billy was starving, I could tell by the way he frantically moved - deciding to bite my neck, then run his lips down my cheek like he hadn't tasted me for an eternity, touching every part of me he'd left unexplored for so long - and he was pleading for this hunger, this longing, to be satiated. Then, I did something even I didn't expect - I gave him a small push. Billy furrowed his brow, panting as if he'd just ran a marathon without stopping. He was going to get his shiny trophy at the end. I just wanted to make him work for it. I smirked to myself. Billy really was right all along. I was a fucking tease. I glimpsed at the sweat glimmering on his chest. We'd dried off long again. This was just pure lust.

"You okay?" Billy asked, the rise and fall of his chest mesmerizing. The very motion alone was enough to keep me cool in this heated frenzy. I was trying to make a decision. What could I say to really get him going, to drive him beyond ravenous?

"I'm just fine, Hargrove" I replied, a coquettish lilt in my voice. I inched forwards, finding a stray curl and twirling it around my finger. Just round and round until he'd figure out what I was doing. "My question" I pulled playfully on the curl wound tightly around my pinkie.

"Fuck, Sierra" Billy hissed, but not because he was in pain. Nope, I was playing with him and he full well knew it. Not only did Billy know it, he fucking loved it. "Go on"

I was going to ask if he missed me, but I already knew that answer. He wouldn't be back otherwise. How much was he going to show that he'd missed me? I was used to this all being rough, to Billy being the charmer who grabbed hold of my hands and fucked me until I was lost for words. He'd reminded me there was another side to him. Someone more vulnerable, who was determined to prove me wrong, to love me and keep me safe. Someone who I never wanted to let go of. As I loosened the curl around my finger, I brushed the back of my hand down the side of his face, feeling the rough of his stubble graze my skin. Sand and silk. That's who we were and we could change the roles whenever we pleased. Instead of getting drunk in a sandstorm, I found myself craving to curl up in silk and weave its creation.

"You're gonna make me your wife?" I whispered. Surprise lit up in those turbulent blue eyes desperately awaiting for the lightning bolt to light up inside him and a small smile creeped up on his lips.

"One day" he whispered back. "You gonna say yes?"

"One day" I giggled. His lips closed on mine. I was so close to accepting the truth. So close that it jolted me awake. "Billy, you mean it, right?"

"On my life, Nightingale" he said, the sincerity quaking as he spoke and pressed his hot forehead against mine. Even as our foreheads stuck together through desire and sweat, his eyes were on me.

"I mean when you say you're gonna be here, even if it all fucks up" I said, matching the seriousness in his voice. We'd both ran and both found our way back. I never wanted to wonder if we'd get lost in the dark or follow the light again. "I don't want you to go"

Billy stared at me for a second. They were the words he'd been yearning to here all along, an echo of what had been spiralling around his head since the day the first person left. We didn't need each other. No, we just wanted each other. There was a huge difference and it was a difference that magentized me to him, as if he were my anchor out in the blustery sea. He could hide behind them as much as he wanted, but there was so much behind them. No one else would ever know. No one else had ever seen. He'd stopped trusting people so long ago that each expression had to be neutral. The most simplest of looks had to be rehearsed over and over until he'd perfected it so no one could ever guess what was behind the mystery. But for me, the first look he gave me was surprise. Then it was care. After that, love. He could write a love song with his gaze. I could read him like a book just from one look alone and I was so devastatingly awestruck that he had this ability. As he looked at me dead in the eyes, I saw his response. And as his lips melded into mine, I became tangled in that wonderful silk. All my thoughts, once twirling and contorting, thinking once and then twice, came to a standstill.

Billy meant it. He really meant it.

He was drinking me in, kissing me like he'd never tasted me before. But he was carefully controlled this time. He wasn't hungry anymore. He was full. Now, he just wanted the comfort of knowing he never had to go hungry again.

I watched as his pants slid down his legs, kicking them aside. Water pooled around his feet. Vaguely, I caught the glint of my eyes and the silhouette of Billy's body against the light of the moon. Tonight marked the opportunity to see different perspectives. I'd always felt Billy's art inside me - the rush of excitement, muscles clenching in anticipation before riding the euphoria until it rippled and stilled. In the water, the wavy reflection showed me just how he created the bliss. In the dark of the night, everything seemed like it was black and white. A short, light breath flew out my mouth. My body clung to his, inseparable and whole. With each rock of his hips, the quiet night around us transformed into screaming color. Lines of sparkling blue engraved my narrow waist as Billy's hands held it tightly. In my mind, as I closed myself off the rest of the life going on outside of our two bodies, they were almost as blue as his eyes. This was different. Billy would let me fall and fall, deeper and deeper, and then remind me of the thrill. But this was like no other thrill we'd experienced before. The way we clung to each other, how he seemed so reluctant to emerge from within me. He was staying buried, bound. Fuck, it was incredible. The neverending burn smouldering in the pit of my body was utterly fucking delightful. Something other than confidence and the need to please were taking over Billy. Billy was doing what he'd always done - telling me something with his body. He was telling me he meant it. He was telling me this was his promise. I traced the ridges of the veins on his hands that were keeping me attached to him with such deftness. There were so many things to Billy, but this was truly his craft, the way he could wordlessly whisper everything he'd ever wanted to say with the thrust of his hips, the tightness of his hands clutching mine, the tickle of his nose against my neck. Mist formed in the open seam of his mouth as he took a sharp intake of breath.

"Believe me" he breathed as if anything louder would shatter the vibrant colours and the dark would run into our world. Buried inside me like treasure, he pushed just an inch. I bit down hard on my lower lip, only just managing to keep the whimper from fleeing. Christ, he was good. But as I finally opened my eyes, this wasn't the usual wolfish, force of nature. No, this was a man pleading for someone whose ears had been stuffed with wool to heed a solemn oath. There were no witnesses. No God, no Devil. Not even the stars above. Just us two. "Sierra… believe me"

I felt his grip tighten as goosebumps prickled my skin, like he needed to truly feel them to know I'd heard him. Really heard him. Expertly, Billy kept me wrapped around him as he lowered to the ground, sitting in the pool of water. My stomach flipped. We'd been vulnerable before, but nothing like this. Excitement eclipsed the terror of being this open to pain. He could still run. I took one look at him. I'd spent so long searching those stormy eyes for truth. It had always been there. I was just blinded by fear. Taking a leaf out of Billy's book, I let my hips do the talking for me. A moan rippled past Billy's lips and as the world fell apart once more, he stayed.

Our hearts thundered in unison with the way our bodies whispered secrets to each other. I love you. I'm not going. My back arched as the whispers grew louder and louder into proud bellows tilting my head back as his rough stubble trailed my jawline. I'm staying. Fuck everyone else. I want you and no one else. By the earth-shattering end, we were screaming into the beauty of our world of beautiful blues and crimsons, and we knew for certain.

No one was going anywhere.

Breathless and luxuriating in the aftershocks as they continue to pulse through me, I peeked up from Billy's shoulder. For once, there is nothing simmering underneath those eyes of his. His long lashes hid them momentarily, as his gaze fell to the puddle. But they were still. They were at peace. I wondered what is on his mind?

"Hey, handsome" I laughed quietly and brush my nose up his jawline. "Did you get my message?"

His eyes locked onto mine, seeking the answer he wanted to part with.

"Did you get mine?" he softly replied and pressed a kiss against my temple, his lips lingering. I crumbled as his hot breath expanded, lulling me back in the vibrance we'd shared. I wasn't ready to go back to black and white just yet. I only needed a moment or two.

"Mmhmm" I mumbled dreamily and rested my head back on his shoulder, peering up at his damp ringlets as they tickled my nose. "I'm yours and you're mine"

"And we're gonna be ourselves, alright?" he replied, his fingertips running up and down my naked spine. "I promise you that, Nightingale"

"Will you still call me that when I'm Mrs Hargrove?" I laughed.

"Give me time to get you that diamond ring and then you'll find out" he chuckled.

I smiled into his shoulder and enveloped my arms around him as he cocooned me. We could have been sat like that for hours for all I knew. Time slipped away so easily. All I know is when we'd swam back to the bank and got our clothes on, cars from the direction of Hagan's were darting by.

"Let's walk home, Princess" Billy said and laced his fingers with mine, giving them a squeeze.

And so, we walked back into town. On the way, a car passed us by, Live Wire blasting from its speakers. Without even so much as a glance at one another, we were jumping around in circles like absolute fools, screeching out the guitar solo and doing exactly what Hargrove had promised.

We were being ourselves.

And when we sang and danced our way back to Billy's apartment, feeding each other pepperoni pizza, the lilac and peach colors on the horizon heard. The world was waking up and along with it, so were Billy and I.