Chapter content warnings: swearing; slight sexual content

Don't forget that you can find me on tumblr: we - are - all - of - legend - now and that my ao3 account is wearealloflegendnow (even though I haven't posted there yet)!

~TLL~

Rose let out an annoyed sound and shoved her phone to the bottom of her bag.

"What's up?" Marcia asked.

"Carl just messaged and told me I had to go home straight after school," Rose complained.

Not that she'd really had any plans after school. It was Thursday, so she and Brad weren't going to be hanging out, and Marcia had one of her 'study' dates which definitely didn't include any studying. Rose had been thinking about texting Jake or Trixie to see what they were doing after school, just so that she didn't have to go home. Barring that, she would go out into the city, find a good slice of pizza, roam around like a feral cat. Anything so that she didn't have to be in the Dawson house, playing nice with Lily, for any longer than she absolutely had to.

"Ooh, are you in trouble?"

"As if it would matter if I were." Rose opened the news tab that she kept open on her phone, scrolling through any new articles about her and her family. If the Dawsons had been hearing anything from their lawyer about the state of the case, they certainly weren't sharing, and Rose had tried to ask. They were so intent on treating her like a child but if they had found her six months from now, she would have been a full adult, and able to turn her back on them. "But, best not to rock the boat."

Marcia rested her temple against Rose's, looking down at her phone. "Still nothing?"

"I wish I knew more about what they knew."

Rose could break into the police station again but she couldn't keep stealing files or trying to hack into the computer about this one specific case. What if they thought it was her dad or something and she just made the whole thing worse? Rose could admit that she had been a little too hasty the last time that she had gone because she had only gotten her hands on the file for her original kidnapping case, which hadn't exactly been what she had wanted.

"Have you tried going and asking the cops or anything? You're basically an adult and this is all about you, anyway. You deserve to know."

"They're not going to tell me anything. I'm supposed to be focusing on assimilating with the not family because they are the biological family." Rose rolled her eyes and then jostled her shoulder, telling Marcia to get off of her. Emotion time was over. She needed to focus on something else. "Who's tonight's date?"

Marcia laughed. "Same straight girl as at my party."

"Damn, she must be falling for you."

"Oh, please. There's no such thing as love, just fun. You know that."

Rose nodded. It was why she dated Brad and stayed on the rollercoaster. There was no chance of feelings that she wasn't allowed to have. It was one of the many reasons that Marcia was her best friend – they always understood each other.

"Tell the boyfriend yet?"

"Nah, no fun in doing that too early." Marcia stretched her legs out. "Are you going to Stacey's party this weekend?"

"Likely, as you're about to tell me that I have to go."

"Want to go shopping tomorrow? I feel like I need new shoes."

"I will ask the not parents. Who knows, they may not let me out."

"I miss your dad. He was so cool about us doing whatever we want."

"I know," Rose said.

She missed her dad too.

Rose made it through the rest of the school day and, even though she wanted to be rebellious and not go home, she didn't do that. It was better not to push any buttons when she wanted to go out on the weekend. Still, Rose didn't exactly rush. She kept in communication with Carl the whole time, with very believable reasons why she was running slightly behind schedule. She had questions about homework, she had to run to her locker, Marcia couldn't drive her today and she missed the city bus. Etc, etc, etc. Rose couldn't put it off forever and she let herself in the front door of the Dawson house, calling out an apology to Carl.

"It's fine," he said, coming out of the kitchen to watch her kick off her snowy boots. "You've just kept your guests waiting."

"Guests?"

Then, Nicholas and Kyle were behind him. Rose nearly bowled Carl over to wrap her arms around them.

"They're staying for dinner today," Carl said, "and we're going to make sure that it's a regular thing. Regardless of what is going on with your father, it's not right to keep you apart."

"Thank you," Rose said, and she went back to squeezing her brothers.

Seeing them at a party wasn't the same. Even though they weren't quite home, this was the closest they were going to get – maybe for a while yet.

"Rose, we can't breathe," Nicholas squeaked.

Rose didn't apologize, just like they knew she wouldn't.

"How long have you been here?"

"Almost an hour," Kyle said. "You are the worst person to surprise."

"Well, you know I don't like surprises."

"That's my fault," Carl said, "I wanted to. You should give them the tour, we've just been talking in the kitchen."

Rose glanced at Carl, mentally running through everything that she knew about him and Melinda and their educations.

"Et comment s'est passé ce discours?" Rose asked.

"C'était bien. Il est comme un père. Mais pas notre père," Kyle responded easily.

Nicholas whined. "Odio el francés. ¿Qué tiene de malo el español?"

Carl smirked and patted Nicholas' shoulder, which didn't enrage Rose as much as she thought it would. Her lives should be separate, the families shouldn't mix, because she didn't think of Carl and Melinda and Lily as her family. But, Kyle was right – there was nothing wrong with Carl. They had even started to chat on their morning runs more often.

"Porque hablo español. Tendrás que tener cuidado con Melinda si vas a hacer esto," Carl said, and then he winked at Rose. "Go on. Go talk about us where we can't hear you."

"Is Melinda home?" Rose asked.

"Not yet. She's got an afternoon seminar and then she's picking up pizzas on her way home. Any allergies, boys?"

Nicholas and Kyle shook their heads. Impatiently, Rose herded them up the stairs.

"This is a nice house," Kyle said.

"Yeah, the home they have me in has so many kids. And I thought sharing a bathroom with you was bad." Nicholas shoved at Kyle who kicked at his head but both managed to avoid actually hitting each other.

Rose laughed and then said, "Be careful. They're not like Dad. They won't like that."

"Everyone likes my karate moves," Kyle insisted.

Rose showed them into her room and they promptly sprawled onto the bed, just like they were at home.

"It's boring in here," Nicholas said.

"Yeah, where's all your girly shit?"

"At home," Rose said. "In my room. Where we should all be soon."

Nicholas sat up. "Did you hear something about Dad?"

Rose shook her head. "I wish I had. All I did was –"

"I'M HOME!" Melinda's voice rang through the house.

"We should go downstairs."

Rose led the trio back down and into the kitchen where Melinda was putting enough pizza boxes on the table that Rose thought they must be having a party. She introduced her brothers to Melinda, waiting to feel the overwhelming weirdness that they were all in the same room but it hadn't hit yet. It wasn't the normal that she was used to, where she and her brothers would be throwing things at each other while setting the table, their father at the stove waiting patiently to see if they broke a plate this time, but it didn't feel bad.

"Is Lily home?" Melinda asked, sliding by Rose to hang up her coat.

"She said she'd be here for five," Carl said. "She wanted more time in the art room. I think she's panicking about the presentation next month."

"She's got plenty of time."

"Le jumeau est-il toujours bizarre?" Kyle asked.

"Aussi bizarre que sa soeur," Melinda said.

Again, Rose went through all of the languages that she spoke that even somewhat overlapped with her brothers and she landed on Cantonese, which she was certain that Melinda didn't know, spitting out, "Carl just told you to be careful when she's home."

"I struggle with French and now you're breaking out Asian languages?" Nicholas complained and he flopped dramatically into a chair. "I failed Japanese like four times in a row."

"It wasn't even Japanese," Kyle said, rolling his eyes. "See, that's why you failed."

"It was still very ambitious to try," Melinda said.

"See, at least someone's nice to me."

"That's just because she doesn't know you," Rose joked.

"Carl, text Lily, see what her ETA is."

"Will do."

There was a knock at the door and then Jake's voice was suddenly in the house too, calling out a greeting. Melinda was the one to stick her head around the corner.

"Is Lily with you, Jake?"

"No, she said to meet me here for dinner." Jake ambled into the kitchen, taking in the scene. "Uh, which hopefully she told you about and I'm not intruding on something."

"Oh, never," Melinda said, ruffling Jake's hair like he was one of her children. "I don't even think she knew about this. Have you met Rose's brothers before?"

"Yeah, briefly," Jake said, raising his hand in greeting. "How's it going?"

"Lily's five minutes away," Carl announced.

"Let's get the table set," Melinda said in a way that left Rose with no doubt about who would set the table. "I got chicken bites and things too, so let's get forks."

Rose went to the cutlery drawer loading forks into her hand. She glanced over her shoulder. Melinda and Carl were moving the food into the dining room. Nicholas was the closest to her and was looking at his phone, furthest from her, Jake was doing the same thing. Kyle was the only one who caught her expression. He grinned back at her and then inclined his head toward Nicholas. Rose shifted slowly and then raised her arm. Something about the sudden silence must have seemed suspicious because Jake's head popped up, swivelling to take in his surroundings. He stared at her, confused, and then Nicholas started to complain.

"How long does it take to pick up forks anyway?"

Rose threw the fork at him.

Nicholas squealed and his hand shot up, catching the end of the fork and sending it flying far out of Kyle's grasp. Kyle had been expecting the fumble because Nicholas was always the one who fumbled. But, instead of catching the fork, he missed completely and his hand came down on the side of Nicholas's head. It was Jake who effortlessly caught it, even as he never took his eyes from Rose's face.

Rose shrugged and went to take the fork from his hand. "Thanks."

"Careful," he said, handing it over, "you could poke someone's eye out."

"That's kind of the point of the game," Kyle said.

"You'll notice that none of us are wearing eyepatches," Nicholas said with pride and then they all burst into laughter.

Laughter that stopped cold when the front door was thrown open and Lily stumbled in, shouting, "sorry! I'm here!"

(-.-)

"God, God, GOD!" Lily squirmed, not sure what to do with her body and her feelings. Marcia's sheets were clenched in her hands and she tossed her head to the side, half wondering what had happened to Marcia's pillows and mostly not caring in the least about anything.

At least, until she saw the time staring back at her.

"Fuck."

Marcia raised her head from between Lily's thighs, looking satisfied with herself. "That's the right word. Except, last time you called me Jesus. Am I worse this time?"

"No, definitely not." Lily looked up at the ceiling. She needed to put her clothes on and bolt out the door, otherwise she would be late for dinner. "Marcia, is this what sex is supposed to feel like?"

"What do you mean?" Marcia's hand was back between Lily's legs. "Like, girls fucking girls?"

"No." Lily was blushing, she just knew it. Her cheeks felt hot in different way from the rest of her body. "Like, I've … I've touched myself, you know. But I've never thought about Jake and felt half as much as I do when I've thought about you. What's sex supposed to feel like?"

"Good. Just good," Marcia replied. "That's the whole point. If it ever feels bad, then it's not good sex."

"Do you think that means I should break up with Jake? Maybe … Maybe I'm not as into boys as I thought I was."

"I can't tell you anything. You have to tell yourself that," Marcia said. "Maybe you're poly, maybe you need both."

"I thought both was bisexual."

Marcia laughed and Lily felt that sinking in her stomach, like she did when Trixie and Spud made fun of her. Marcia wasn't supposed to be like that. Marcia said that she would help Lily understand.

"Bisexual means you like people, it's like pansexual that way. Poly means that you date more than one person at a time."

"So, it's not cheating if I'm poly," Lily said.

Marcia's lips closed over hers. "Something like that."

"I have to go," Lily said, but she didn't want to. She wanted to slide down the bed, tease Marcia the way that Marcia was teasing her. This feeling didn't have to end – except that she had told Jake to come over for dinner and she needed to be home and she didn't want to disappoint Jake because Jake was the person who mattered the most in her life.

"We can do this again," Marcia said. "Are you going to Stacey's party on Saturday?"

"Yeah …"

"Don't wear underwear," Marcia said. "And wear a skirt. It'll make it easier."

"Huh? Um, yeah … We could … We could all get ready together again."

"No, we can't," Marcia said, "Rose said so."

Lily felt cold all over and she shoved Marcia's hands away. "What?"

"That's why you're forbidden fruit. Rose said we aren't talking to you anymore."

"So, why is this – whatever this is – still happening if Rose said no?"

"She's my best friend, not my keeper. And, it's sex. It's a basic human need. It's not like it's that deep."

"But this is a secret?"

"Because you have a boyfriend and I have a best friend and then we have whatever this is. Come on, Lily, don't be so serious about it."

Lily tried not to frown. She couldn't make it make sense in her own head but, at the same time, she couldn't see what was so wrong about exploring and figuring herself out. There was a whole new world to be found by just knowing Marcia and didn't Lily owe it to herself to find out? It all seemed so reasonable and so wrong at the same time and, so, Lily just found herself nodding.

"Now, go on. Before I make you even later."

Lily scrambled to collect her clothes, calling a cab as she got dressed, because there was no way that she was going to make it home in time if she caught a bus. Marcia kissed her before she left and Lily felt her knees turn to Jell-O. She barely made it into the cab before pressing her fingers to her lips in a totally embarrassing way. It made her heart flutter and it made her think that she hadn't even done that the first time that Jake kissed her, even though Jake was her first kiss. The knowledge made Lily's heart sink and she played with her fingers in her lap. She really wished that she had never met Rose because Lily missed the life that she had before. At least she knew what was going on then.

Lily took a second after getting out of her cab to make sure that she looked put together, like she had spent extra time in the room. She opened the front door and immediately yelled, "Sorry, I'm here!" because she was not the sort of person to be late.

Lily would have to be stupid not to realize that her presence completely froze the room. Jake was standing there, his hand very close to Rose's, a laugh dying on both of their faces. Next to them, forming some little group that she was clearly excluded from, were Rose's brothers, which just left Lily making a face. Why were Rose's brothers here? They weren't her family.

"Hey, we were just looking for you. How was your day?"

"It was okay, Mom," Lily said, kicking off her boots, unable to look at Jake. She had just told him that she didn't like the kind of relationship that he and Rose were starting to have and this was the scene she walked in on? This was supposed to be their reunion dinner and already Rose had ruined it. "Hey, Jake."

Lily was relieved when Rose had the decency to at least leave, her brothers following her into the dining room. Jake leant against the wall as Lily unzipped her snow boots and kicked them into the pile.

"Where were you?"

"Art room," Lily said. "My art's going to be in, like, a real gallery next month and I still don't have everything perfect!"

Lily shrugged out of her jacket and she watched Jake's eyes go over her. She realized that she looked as dishevelled as if she'd been throwing paintbrushes around but she was missing the paint. Lily shook her head at herself. Like Jake would pay attention to that.

"I could have waited with you," Jake said.

"Have you been here that long?" She might actually lose her mind if Jake had been sitting around her house for hours with Rose.

"No, maybe fifteen minutes? Probably less."

"Oh, well, then, no big deal right?"

Jake went to reach for her arm but Lily sidestepped him. "Come on, they're waiting for us for dinner." And then she remembered that he might still be mad at her. "And then we can talk, right? You said you wanted to talk?"

"Yeah," Jake said, his voice almost sad but Lily couldn't identify exactly what it was in his tone. "I want to talk."

Lily led the way to the dining room table, thinking about how strange it was to have it crowded. She had grown up an only child and she was only really making her first friends. Her entire life, the only people around this table had been her and her parents. Once she had found out about her missing twin, Lily had spent long meals daydreaming about what it might be like to have her sister sitting at the table with her. It turned out that she didn't like it very much at all, but she kept those thoughts to herself, because she wasn't allowed to speak her mind anymore.

Lily sat beside Jake, her parents at either head of the table. Rose was squeezed in between her two brothers and there was an easy comradery between them as the pizza and appetizers were distributed. They argued over the best pieces and Jake even got involved, laughing along with them and spearing the chicken piece that Nicholas had been trying to get and dropping it on his own plate. Lily just took the pieces that no one seemed to want because it was easier.

"So, um, what's your art show?"

Lily looked up to see Nicholas looking back at her. She didn't want to speak to him but he was the first person since they had sat down to speak to her directly.

"It's a big presentation for seniors. They go all out and they treat it like a real gallery," Lily said.

"Lily's being humble," Jake said, butting in. "It's hosted by some fancy New York art society and the application process is brutal. They have art critics there and faculty from art schools and there's scholarships involved too."

Lily bit off another chunk of her pizza, even though she didn't really feel hungry. Didn't Jake think that she could speak for herself? As much as she didn't want Nicholas and Kyle here, as much as they were not family, Rose was and she knew that she had to do better when it came to Rose. How was she supposed to show that she was trying if she didn't speak?

"That sounds cool," Nicholas said. "What kind of art do you do?"

"Mostly painting," Lily said. "I try sculpture sometimes but I'm not as good at it."

"It's on February 15th," Melinda said. "Rose, are you coming with the family?"

Rose chewed very slowly and then she couldn't put it off any longer. She glanced at Lily who caught her eye very briefly and then looked down at her plate. It was supposed to be her big night. She didn't really want anyone there who wasn't going to support her the way that Jake and her parents did.

"I suppose so," Rose said. "I never do get to see much of Lily's art."

"Neither do I," Jake said playfully. "It's like she's full of secrets."

They all laughed and Lily shrugged, trying to play it off, even though she knew that she was blushing. She wasn't supposed to have secrets. She was plain, boring, little Lily and there wasn't supposed to be more to her than that. What would they say, she wondered, if she blurted out exactly how her life had changed since Rose's first night in the house.

Jake nudged her arm and Lily tried not to pull away. Those sorts of thoughts had no place at this table. Any sort of thoughts. Lily had completely lost control of her own life and she needed to get herself figured out before she told anybody else anything.

"Just don't knock anything over when you're there," Kyle snickered. "Remember when we were at the Louvre?"

"You pushed me," Rose retorted. "And we didn't break anything. Nicholas caught it."

"First thing he's ever caught."

"Shut up, you wish you could handle a sword as well as I could."

Kyle broke down into snickers, resulting in another "SHUT UP!" from Nicholas.

Lily was relieved when Carl tried to take control of the conversation. She didn't know why it hurt so much to see them acting like, well, siblings.

"You know how to swordfight?" Carl asked.

"Oh yeah," Kyle said. "All sorts of swords."

"Real swords?" Melinda gasped.

"We fence," Rose broke in smoothly. "I believe I told you that before."

"Fence?" Nicholas said and then Rose's elbow was in his ribs. "Oh, yeah, fence, we totally fence."

Lily felt completely left out at her own dinner table. Even Jake was laughing along and fitting in a way that she just couldn't figure out how to do. Lily wanted to up and run away, maybe go back to Marcia's bedroom. At least she felt like a real person when Marcia was looking at her. When she was in her real world, being her old self, Lily just felt more and more confused. Who she used to be wasn't really her; it was her hiding from being part of the world. Except, she didn't know who she was.

What Lily did know that she was that she was completely relieved when dinner started to wind down.

"Let us help clean up," Kyle offered, Nicholas joining in enthusiastically.

"It's Lily's dish night," Rose said flatly.

"I'll take yours tomorrow," Lily said. "Jake and I really wanted to go for a walk. Please?"

Rose half-rolled her eyes but she agreed. Lily practically dragged Jake out the door and into the cold January night. She was still pulling on her coat by the time that they got to the end of the block – that's how much of a hurry she was in to get out of the house. Her house, that Rose had so effortlessly taken over, and their parents had just let her, like Lily meant nothing anymore.

"What are you thinking?" Jake asked.

"I think it's more important what you're thinking," Lily deflected, because she didn't really tell Jake what was going on inside of her head. It was just going to make things worse and they were going to fight again and Lily didn't want to fight with Jake. She just wanted she and Jake to be like they used to be.

"I think you were pretty thoughtless and I think you haven't properly apologized for it."

Lily pulled him to a stop, making Jake look at her.

"Jake, I am sorry. I'm sorry that I spoke before I thought. I'm sorry that I made you out to be someone I know that you're not. I'm sorry that I didn't go to you first. That's not the type of girlfriend or friend or even sister that I want to be."

"I'm glad you said that." Jake still looked a little sad. "Do my interactions with Rose bother you that much?"

"A little. Singing love songs to each other when I didn't even know you could sing? That made me feel like I was completely on the outside."

"I'm sorry. That was pretty thoughtless of me too."

Lily nodded, glad that she and Jake were on the same page. "I've learnt my lesson about who to say what to and when and when to keep things to myself. What you said about how it was like Trixie and Spud talk to and about me, I really got that."

Jake took her hand. "Would you want me to stop being friends with Rose?"

"I don't want to be that kind of person either," Lily said. She was still trying to figure out what kind of person she wanted to be, but she didn't want to be that kind of person. And she knew that Jake wouldn't stand for it.

Jake kissed her forehead and Lily exhaled, feeling like everything had been smoothed over.

"Let's walk," Jake said, taking her hand.

Lily took his. "So, will you go with me to Stacey's party this weekend?"

"Sure," Jake said, even though he sounded lacklustre. "Let's go to Stacey's party this weekend."

Lily hardly noticed his tone and started smiling as they walked. She couldn't wait to go to another party.