MP-Hello All. Hope you enjoy this second chapter of today. In some context this is a flashback/dream of THAT night, hence the italics. Felt like giving some context finally after dropping hints in the Prologue and a few other chapters. Hope you like it.

Brown Hair, Blue Eyes

By: MandasPandas1011

Chapter 8

He had visited her a couple of times, once she had let him back in. She had moved back to San Francisco and had ironed out a lot of her ghosts as she called them. Therapy had helped her tremendously. So had tracking down a few people from her past. One of which was her mother. He didn't ask for full details as he knew she wanted that to be her business. He only knew that they had weekly phone calls now and she occasionally visited her. It had been almost half a year since she had kissed him and left that note with Judy. He had jumped at the opportunity to have her back in his life when she had called. For his last couple of visits, he had just been happy to have her in his arms again. They spent most of the time in her apartment just enjoying each other's company. However, this visit, though he wanted it to be the same, an ulterior motive also prompted it. He could not bring himself to bring it up right away. Not at the airport, not during their drive, not during their afternoon activities. It had been 3 days of him stalling. He convinced himself it had just never been a good time, not any selfish reason of his own. However, Sara's building was doing some work on the pipes on day 4 and it would be taking most of the day. So he had convinced her to spend the night in a hotel with him. She beamed at the idea of a romantic night with him elsewhere. Tonight would have to be the night. The ride to the hotel was mostly done in silence as he tried to figure out the best way to bring up what he needed to. His silence had not gone unnoticed by her. After they checked into the hotel. They chose to grab a late lunch at a small Bistro down the street. He kept up small talk, but she noticed she had been the initiator of every talking point. They took a walk and relished in the fresh air and pleasant surroundings. Upon returning to the hotel, he surprised her with a trip to the hotel spa. She kissed him in thanks before disappearing for a few hours. This allowed him to collect his thoughts. He would bring it up at dinner. Sara returned and then dressed for dinner at the hotel restaurant. Despite collecting his thoughts earlier, the night pressed on. They were waiting on the check before he finally got the courage.

"Sara," he started, clearing the lump from his throat. "I was wondering if I could ask you about something?"

She glanced at him over her water glass as she took the last few sips and placed it back on the table. She swallowed and nodded, looking attentively at him. He began fidgeting with tie awkwardly trying to think of the best way to start.

"I, Uh," he continued, his heart beginning to quicken. "I received a letter last week and I.."

Her eyebrow arched and she took a deep breath. She knew exactly which letter he was talking about. She had received the same letter in a small taupe envelope. The one that when she opened she had thrown across the room in anger. Her eyes peered down at her arm at the scars thin but to her prominate. A permanent reminder of that horrendous experience.

"The one about Natalie Davis." she coldly stated, eyes shooting up to his.

He felt a chill run down his spine. They never talk about that woman ever, for good reason. But if looks could kill, he felt he'd have been struck down right there and then.

"Yes," he replied. "That one. They wanted some people to speak of.."

"I already gave my reply to them, Gil!" she said, voice raising slightly.

"I know," he breathed out. "But.."

Just then the server returned to their table with the check. Gil sighed in relief as it offered a pause in the tense conversation. Even though he could feel her stare burning into him. He paid for the check and stood up to leave. He offered out his hand to her. She refused it and hastily rose herself. She walked towards the door and he followed slowly behind. This was already not going well. She was silent in the elevator up and down the hall to the room. She stood in front of the door, arms crossed, waiting for him to open it. He had to reach in front of her to use the key card. As soon as it beeped she flung the door open. He followed her in and watched as she flung her handbag onto the bed. She sat on the chair in the room and stared angrily at him. He had encountered this stare many times over the last 10 years.

"Is this why you've really come?" she asked, her voice louder than normal. "I told them my decision already. They send you here to what? Change my mind?"

"No," he replied, intently watching her. "I wanted to see you, My dear."

"Don't," she scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Don't you 'my dear' me tonight, Gil. I already told them that if they need any evidence to keep that woman where she is, they could look at my trial statements. They have not changed. I believe that woman is disturbed and not fit to be around others. I can't believe they are even thinking of moving her to a less strict facility. All because she is responding well to treatment and is a good patient. She is a murderer!"

She brought her legs up onto the chair as if building a wall around herself. He wanted to hug her and tell her to forget he even mentioned anything. But, Alas it was too late.

"I know," he began. "I saw you had opted to not comment in person. But I was told..."

"You were told it would in the best interest for me to come." she interrupted, eyes narrowing. "So this whole week was just to butter me up, huh? Soften the blow of your true intention. Well, it didn't work and frankly I'm disgusted at you."

Her words stung him like a distressed bee and it hurt. She felt tears welling up in her eyes and she tried to fight them back turning away from him. He crossed the room, knelt in front of her, and placed a gentle hand on her leg.

"My Darlin'," he soothed, his thumbing gently rubbing her calf. "Yes, I was asked to see if you could be convinced to come make a new statement. They believe it would give leverage to hopefully reject the notion. But.."

"But what?" she hissed, jerking away from his touch and sitting up. "So I can show the council how utterly damaged I am in person. That will convince them more. As if my statements in court will not show that enough. As if the photos of my dirty, broken, almost dead body will not show that."

He flinched at that memory and tears began to fill into his eyes at the hurt he had caused her.

"I think that should be enough," she continued, hot tears streaking down her face. "And you are going in person. So are Nick, Warrick, Sofia, Brass and Catherine. I think it is incredibly unfair of YOU of all people to ask me to stand in front of her again. You are not the one who has to re-live those memories. You didn't wind up in that trunk, I did! You didn't have a car dropped on you, I did! You didn't have to claw your way out, I did! Who had to fight rain, sun, dehydration, and hunger? Oh, that's right me. And you know what kept me going? The thought of you. I thought I'd never be able to see you again. That I wouldn't hear you. I would never feel your arms around me. That I wouldn't taste your lips again. You kept me going when I felt like giving up on myself. So THIS right now! This feels so fucked up, Gil!"

She thrust herself out of the chair nearly knocking him from his kneeling position. She stomped over to the bed and collected her purse. He quickly rose and reached after her. She jerked away but turned to face him. Her face was red and tear-streaked. He reached out his arms and she surprisingly allowed him to pull her into an embrace. She let out a few angry sobs that convulsed her body. He sighed deeply and hushed her sobs. Soothing her back, holding back his own emotions.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice almost inaudible. " I never intended to hurt you. I love you, Sara. I love you so deeply, that sometimes I don't know how to react. I can't even imagine how your experience has affected you. I will never truly understand. But I always want to listen. I want to hold you. I want to soothe your fears. I want to be your safe place as you have always been mine."

At this, she unburied her head and looked up at him. He cupped her cheek and wiped some tears. Placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. He gained the courage to finally express HIs intentions for this visit.

"I," he began. "Sara, I can't leave the team yet. They still need me. But I need you. Yes, I was told to try and convince you. But my main reason for coming is purely selfish. I longed for you. I needed your touch. To hear your voice and not just over the phone. I had to see your smile and hear your laugh. I needed you to make me feel human again. I came cause I couldn't get that there and I need it. So.."

She pulled away from him, thinking she was catching his meaning. She felt the pit of her stomach burning again with anger.

"So you thought you'd ask me to come with you back to Vegas with you?" she asked coldly. "So you thought if you fucked me enough I'd give in?"

He winced at that and dropped his head. She knew he hated that term especially when it came to them. Fuck felt so impersonal to him. He always felt he and Sara made love. To hear her say it like that almost angered him.

"No!" he refused, his head shooting up to stare at her. "I needed to feel connected with you again. I felt lost like I was drifting around aimlessly. I needed to feel grounded. I made love to you, Sara! I made love to you, because you make me happy. You make me feel at home. Right now my house feels like a stranger. So yes, I came in hopes to convince my home to come back to me."

She could feel the tears again. She knew she had struck a nerve with that one.

"Gil," she started, more softly than before. "I love you. You know I do. I wasn't lying in my letter to you when I said you are my one and only. That you are the only home I ever ..."

The fire within her began to burn cold as her anger turned more into sadness. He could see her shift and again reached out to her, which she backed away from.

"I thought you understood!" she sobbed, her body trembling with emotion. "I thought we were doing good taking it slowly. I thought you respected my wishes. I am slowly fighting my ghosts, Gil! I can't settle just yet. I love you with all of my heart. I trusted you with it. But all you're doing is breaking it."

He looked at her shocked. His chest ached and his eyes stung with tears.

"Sara," He pleaded, his eyes searching hers for any hope. "Please!"

"Gil, I can't!"